


Can't Deny These Feelings

by M39151



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-05-19 03:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 77
Words: 240,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5952715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M39151/pseuds/M39151
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor and Will are both faced with feelings for each other that they can't deny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Are These Feelings?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131, I have discovered Pinterest so I will be able to include links to my Pinterest boards to help readers better visualize what is happening in the story. The first one I have is for characters (my dream actors/actresses for the role specified):  
> https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.

Scene: Chicago Med, 11 P.M. (Sunday)

Connor walks into the break room and pours himself a glass of water.

“Another tough day finally over,” says Connor aloud as he drinks his water knowing no one is around to hear him.

He sits down and rubs his temples as he enjoys the quiet. No more doors opening with EMT’s bringing in new patients. Zannetti wasn’t in today so he didn’t have her looking over his shoulder in the ER. Will left before he came in so there was no one questioning his decisions.

Man, he hates when Will questions him. Especially so publicly, it was embarrassing and he hates having his authority challenged. Why did he let Will get under his skin so much? Maybe it’s Will’s arrogance and cocky attitude. But Will does pull off cocky so well…

No…he can’t keep having these kinds of thoughts. The guy pushes his buttons and challenges him almost everyday and all he can think about is how handsome he is. But Connor can’t deny these feelings that he’s having. Ever since he saw Will on his first day, Connor hasn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

Damn it…this has to stop. Will’s a colleague, Will’s a cocky son of a bitch, and more importantly, he’s a guy. Connor has to stop thinking about another guy like this, Rhodes men aren’t gay. As if saying that for the umpteenth time would make a difference. Connor can’t deny who he is and what he wants. He can’t keep pushing away these feelings for Will.  
Feelings that aren’t just sexual, they’re real romantic feelings. Will is handsome, smart, and confident with beautiful eyes and lips that Connor longed to kiss. He feels this magnetic attraction to Will; he likes Will’s arrogance, Will’s confidence, and the fact that Will challenges him. Connor wants to get to know him, learn about his life and what he likes, and spend time with him.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Connor stands up and heads over to his locker. He grabs his jacket and book bag out of his locker ready to go home and get some rest. Putting his jacket on and slinging his book bag over his shoulder, Connor checks his pocket to make sure he has his phone and then pauses as he walks towards the door.

Connor looks around the room and sighs. Tomorrow is another day, another day to pretend he isn’t interested in one of his coworkers. 

Scene: Will’s apartment, 5 A.M. the next morning (Monday)

Will walks into the kitchen groggily rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His hair is a mess and he is wearing gray shorts and a white wifebeater. 

He is surprised to find his brother Jay sitting at the counter drinking coffee and reading the paper.

“What are you doing here?” asks Will as he opens the cabinet to find a coffee cup. 

“Good morning to you too brother,” says Jay sarcastically as he looks up from the paper. “I got off late last night and have to be in early this morning and your place is closer to the district than mine so I slept in the spare bedroom.”

“Well that just makes me so glad I gave you a key then,” replies Will as he grabs himself a coffee cup. “Please come into my apartment whenever you’d like without telling me.”  
Jay shoots his brother a look.

“Sorry,” says Will sheepishly. “Late night and I haven’t had any coffee yet.”

Will pours himself a cup of coffee as Jay puts down the paper.

“How was your date?” asks Jay as a smirk begins to form on his face.

“What date?” asks a confused Will as he sips his coffee. 

“The date that you kept you out late last night,” replies Jay crossing his arms over his chest. “I didn’t catch his name.”

Will practically chokes on his coffee completely caught off guard. How the hell does Jay know that? 

“What are you talking about?” asks Will in between coughing while refusing to look at his brother.

“Dude,” says Jay trying to get his brother to look at him. “I was in the spare bedroom when you got home, I heard you guys in the living room.”

Will looks at his brother mortified and unsure of what to say next. When he came home with Brian last night, Will had no idea that Jay was in the spare bedroom. It’s at the back apartment and he didn’t even think to look there. Now his brother knew his secret, how would he react?

“Listen Will,” says Jay making sure each word is clear as to reassure his brother. “I don’t judge or anything, it’s totally fine that you’re gay. You’re my brother and I love you. I don’t care that you’re into guys, I just want you to be yourself and be happy.”

Standing at the counter and holding his coffee in his hands, Will smiles. “Really?”

“Absolutely,” says Jay as he stands up and walks over to his brother. “This world we live in is so fucked up. People are ridiculed and oppressed for who they are. We’re all the same regardless of sexual preferences. No one should judge anyone for that, everyone should be free to be who they are and love whoever they want without hate or judgment.” 

Will smiles and puts down his coffee. “Thanks Jay. I always worried about having this conversation with you or anyone else for that matter. Having to explain and defend who I am.”

“Well, you don’t have to do that with me,” says Jay reassuringly. “We’re brothers and nothing could ever stop me from loving and supporting you. Plus, you shouldn’t have to explain or defend yourself to anyone. You’re gay, that is who you are, and there’s no shame in that. What other people say doesn’t matter.”

Will can’t think of anything to say as he leans in to give Jay a hug.

“Thanks Jay,” says Will who feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you too Will,” says Jay as they break the hug. “I’m your brother and you can always talk to me. I’ll always be here for you no matter what.”

“So how was the date?” asks a grinning Jay as he sits back down. “What’d you guys do?”

“Are you sure you want to hear about all this?” asks Will as he cuts himself a bagel. 

“Do you think that the 2 guys dating and having sex creeps me out or something?” asks Jay looking at Will. “Because it doesn’t. I’m open-minded and I have gay friends. So I want you to tell me about the guy and your date.”

Will nods his head and takes a bite of his bagel. “His name is Brian, I met him at a bar last month and we hit off. We’ve gone out a bunch of times and last night we grabbed something to eat downtown and walked by the promenade and talked.”

“I guess it’s going well since I heard you guys in the living room,” teases Jay.

“It is,” says Will laughing a little. “I’m still a little nervous about PDA in public so I invited him to come back here.”

Will can’t contain his grin. “And it got a little heavy...”

“But,” says Jay noticing his brother was starting to trail off.

“No but, Brian’s a sweet guy and I enjoy spending time with him,” says Will looking down at his bagel who begins to fumble with his words.. “There’s just… another guy. But I don’t have a chance with him.”

“Why would you say that?”asks Jay looking at his brother. “Who is he?”

“No one,” says Will as he finishes his bagel and coffee. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be having these feelings for him anyway.”

“What kind of feelings?” probes Jay as Will gets up to rinse his dishes.

“Just, you know,” says Will sheepishly as he turns to face Jay while drying his hands with the dish towel. “Romantic feelings.”

Jay gives Will a look signifying that he wants to hear more.

“I like him, I have for some time for now.” confesses Will as he leans against the sink. “There’s something about him that I’m drawn to. I don’t know what it is, he’s not like any other guy I’ve ever met. I think about him a lot.”

“Wow, sounds like a special guy,” says Jay as he walks over to Will. “Is he gay?”

“No,” says an unsure Will who starts to fumble his words again. “I don’t know…he could be. I don’t know him well enough to know.”

“Who is he?” asks Jay noticing how nervous his brother is. “Why are you so nervous?”

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.” says Will as he starts to walk out of the kitchen. “It’s just some ridiculous fantasy, I’m dating Brian.”

Before Jay can say another word, Will walks out of the kitchen and closes the door to the bathroom. 

Jay stands there worried about his brother and how he seems to be beating himself over his feelings for this mystery guy. Who is he?

“Oh shit,” says Jay looking at his watch. “I have to get to the district.”

He walks over to the bathroom door and knocks on it. “Will, I have to get to the district but I’m here if you wanna talk.”

“Thanks,” says Will through the door in between brushing his teeth. 

Jay grabs his stuff and leaves.

Will looks in the mirror as he’s brushing his teeth. 

These feelings he has for Connor, no one could ever know about them. Hell, he wishes he didn’t have them in the first place. To be romantically interested in a colleague and arrogant Connor of all people was incomprehensible to Will. Especially when he’s dating a nice guy like Brian, why ruin that over some stupid fantasy feelings?


	2. Trying to Find My Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the kudos and comments, I hope you like what I've come up with for chapter 2.

Scene: Chicago Med, 4 hours later (9 A.M.)

Will is sitting in the break room nursing his second cup of coffee and reading the paper trying to put the thoughts of this morning out of his head.

His brother was very accepting about him being gay, which made Will happy. Jay is a good guy and Will doesn’t know why he ever worried about telling his brother he’s gay. He saw how Jay reacted when he mentioned the other guy, though, and Will hopes he doesn’t bring it up again. Will wants to put these thoughts about and feelings for Connor as far out of his head as possible. 

Will’s thoughts are interrupted by the door to the break room opening and Connor walking in.

“Good morning Dr. Halstead,” says Connor casually as he pours himself a cup of coffee. 

“Morning Dr. Rhodes,” says Will glancing quickly at Connor who has his back turned to Will as he pours his coffee. 

‘Damn that guy pulls off scrubs so well,’ thinks Will. ‘Look how perfectly they sit at his waist.’

Will is snapped out of his thoughts by Connor turning around to face him and he quickly turns his attention back to the paper.

Connor takes a sip of his coffee. ‘I love when Will has that five o’clock shadow, it’s so sexy on him.’

Connor takes another sip of his coffee and scolds himself. ‘Come on Rhodes, you can do this. Be cool.’

Connor takes a seat at the table next to Will and Will can feel the heat emanating from Connor’s body and reaching him. Like a tease.

“What are you reading?” asks Connor trying to make conversation. “Anything interesting?”

Connor wants Will to put the paper down and look at him so he can get a better look at him.

“Not really,” replies Will as he puts down the paper. His eyes meet Connor’s for a second before Will looks away. “You want to look at it?”

“Sure,” says Connor as he takes the paper from Will’s hands. 

As he’s grabbing the paper, Will’s hands brushes against Connor’s. They look at each other awkwardly.

“Sorry,” says Will pulling his hands back.  
Connor nods his head and looks down at the paper. Will’s touch felt so good, his hands are so soft. 

Will finishes his coffee and unable to sit still, he walks over to his locker. He doesn’t need anything in there but after that brief contact with Connor, he is too anxious to sit still. Such a brief moment got Will’s heart racing. 

Zannetti opens the door to the break room. “Rhodes, they need us in the OR. Now.”

“Coming,” says Connor as he gets up and leaves the paper on the table. “Thanks for the paper Halstead.”

Will nods as Connor leaves with Zanetti.

He breathes deeply and walks back to sit down at the table.

What is with this effect Connor has on him? Connor’s body heat, Connor’s touch, it all turned him on and made him nervous at the same time. 

Will’s phone beeps and he pulls it out of his pocket to see a text from Brian.

Brian’s text: Hey, I had a great time last night :) Sorry if I kept you up late, I know you had an early shift. I’d like to see you again this week, let me know what your schedule is like.

Will smiles as he reads the text. He’s really enjoyed dating Brian, they are definitely hitting it off. What’s happening with Connor is all in his head, it’s feelings that are one-sided and all fantasy. Will has to focus on what’s real and Brian is what’s real.

Will’s text: Hey, I had a great time too :) I’m working the late shift for most of the week, but I get off at 6 today if that works for you. But, I don’t have my car. 

Brian’s text: Yeah, that’s good. I can come pick you up at the hospital if you want.

Will takes his fingers off his iPhone’s keys for a second. Does he want Brian to come by the hospital? It’d be easier than taking the bus home and then meeting Brian there. But, what if someone figures him out? He’s being silly, he’ll just say Brian’s a friend if anyone asks.

Will’s text: Yeah, that works. I should be ready to go about 6:15.

… Those three dots that signified Brian was typing a response. The power of iMessage.

Brian: Great, sounds like a plan. Looking forward to it :)

Will: Me too :)

Will smiles as he puts his phone down on the table and takes a sip of his now cold coffee. At least he has some decent clothes here that he can change into. 

Scene: Chicago Med, 6 P.M.

Will walks into the break room and heads over to his locker to pull out some clothes.

A baby blue t-shirt, dark blue jeans, and a gray hoodie, that will have to do.

He grabs his clothes, his toothbrush, and heads into the bathroom to change. He emerges five minutes later and checks himself out in the mirror.

The jeans are a perfect fit, they sit just below his waist and are just the right length. The t-shirt is a little tighter than he remembers, it looks more like a muscle shirt. Will isn’t rippling with muscles or a six-pack, but he works out and the shirt clearly showed that. 

Will puts on a gray hoodie on and looks in the mirror again. Aside from the five o’clock shadow, he cleaned up the best he could tonight.

Will’s phone vibrates and he sees a text from Brian.

Brian: I’m almost at the hospital, where should I meet you?

Will: In front by the ER entrance. I’ll be waiting outside.

Brian: See you soon :)

Will smiles and slings his book bag over his shoulder. 

He walks out of the break room and sees Maggie and April at the desk.

“Goodnight ladies,” says Will leaning on the desk. “See you tomorrow.”

“You look nice,” says April as she and Maggie look up. “Big plans tonight?”

“Just meeting a friend for a drink,” says Will as he walks towards the door.

“Have fun,” says Maggie. “Goodnight.”

Will walks out the doors and stands outside waiting for Brian.

“Will,” calls a voice.

He turns to his right and sees Brian standing by his car. Brian is 5’9” with a cute face. His brown hair is short at the top and faded at the sides, he has piercing dark green eyes and a fit and slightly muscular built.

“Hey Brian,” says a smiling Will walking over to him. “Long time no see.”

“Oh, so after what, see, eight dates?” asks Brian in a joking manner. “Are you tired of seeing me already?”

“Of course not,” says Will as he leans in to hug Brian. “I’m glad to see you, thanks for picking me up.”

“My pleasure,” says Brian as they stay in the hug for a minute.

They are both smiling as they break the hug.

“Is it too much to ask for a kiss?” asks Brian coyly. “I mean, I know we’re at your job so I understand.”

Will looks around and grabs Brian’s hand and pulls him around the corner of the building away from prying eyes.

“This should be good,” says Will who is he cut off by Brian leaning in to kiss him.

What a feeling to have Brian’s lips against his. So soft, so gentle. The kiss ends as quick as it starts because Will doesn’t want to get caught.

“Let’s go,” says a grinning Will as he gestures towards Brian’s car.

“Yeah, let’s go,” says a smiling Brian as they get into Brian’s car and head off..

Back inside the hospital, Connor walks to the front desk after having received a page from Maggie.

“Hey Maggie,” says Connor as he walks up to the desk. “What’s up? Why’d you page me?”

“While you were in the OR, someone came in looking for you,” says Maggie pointing towards the waiting room. “He’s said he’s an old friend, he’s in the waiting room.”

Connor faces contorts in confusion. An old friend, who could it be?

“Ok, thanks Maggie,” says Connor as he walks towards the waiting room. He’s very curious to see who this is.

Connor walks into the waiting room and he sees a guy that he never thought he’d see again standing there drinking water.

He must be seeing things...this could not be…is it really?...Jesse? His ex-boyfriend, the guy whose heart Connor had broken. Is he really standing in the hospital waiting room?

Connor is snapped out of his thoughts by a voice. “Hi Connor, it’s been a long time.”

Jesse is standing in front of Connor looking just as good as he did the last time Connor saw him. 5’10”, big blue eyes, blonde hair a little long and gelled back at the top and faded a little on the sides, handsome face wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt that showed the definition of his muscles, and a black hoodie.

Unable to find his words, Connor just looks at Jesse for a second. He can’t believe Jesse is here. After all these years. Why is he here? What does he want? And more importantly, what is Connor going to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it, please leave me any feedback and/or suggestions.


	3. Confronting the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to make a small change to this story in order for the story i have come up with to make sense. Instead of Will and Brian going on their first date that's discussed in chapter 1, it was actually their eighth and they've been dating for over a month. I had to make slight changes to chapters 1 and 2 to fix this, updated chapters 1 and 2 are posted if you want to check them out. I hope it make sense to anyone, please ask any questions. Hope you like this new chapter.

Scene: Chicago Med Waiting Room, 6:30 P.M.

“Hi Jesse,” mutters a nervous Connor trying to find his words. “I’m surprised to see you.”

“I was surprised to hear you were back in Chicago,” snaps Jesse with a hint of anger in his voice. “And you didn’t even bother to reach out to me.”

Connor can tell from Jesse’s tone and what he’s saying that this isn’t going to go well.

“Not here,” says Connor as he looks around and beckons for Jesse to follow him. “Let’s talk outside.”

Without saying another word, Connor walks out of the waiting room, through the entrance doors, and to the front of the hospital with Jesse following him.

Connor walks a little further to the side of the building and turns around to be met with Jesse’s icy glare.

“What?” asks a confused Connor as he looks directly at Jesse.

“Nothing’s changed with you, has it?” asks Jesse in an accusatory tone. “Your whole life is still a secret, isn’t it?”

Connor stares at Jesse with a guilty look on his face knowing that Jesse is right.

“You’re just unbelievable Connor,” says an angry Jesse as he starts pacing. 

“Jesse, please,” says Connor trying to stop this from imploding right outside his job. 

“No!” shouts an angry Jesse in Connor’s face. “You’re still the same selfish son of a bitch that broke my heart four years ago. And you didn’t even have the decency to contact me when you got back to Chicago, I had to find out you were back from your sister’s Instagram.”

Connor can feel the emotion building up inside of him. Since he’s been back, he’s thought of reaching out to Jesse but has known that it would go like this. There’s so much Connor wants to say, to try to explain, but he has to get back to work.

“Listen Jesse,” says Connor taking a deep breath. “I have to get back inside, but my shift’s over at 10. Can we please talk when I get off?”

“Fine,” says an irritated Jesse. “I’ll meet you at the park by my place. Do you still have my number?”

“I do,” says Connor calmly.

“Wow,” says Jesse rolling his eyes. “Just text me when you get to the park.”

Connor nods and walks back into the hospital sighing. This is not good, is there anyway he can press pause so the next three and half hours never have to end?

Scene: Brian’s Car, 9 P.M.

Will and Brian got something to eat and then went to the movies. After over a month of dating and going out on formal sort of dates, it was nice to have a more casual night. They are now sitting in Brian’s car outside Will’s apartment.

“That was a good movie,” says Will as he turns in his seat to face Brian. “I’ve been wanting to see the new Star Wars movie for a while.”

“Yeah, me too,” says Brian turning to face Will.

“You have beautiful eyes,” says Will staring into Brian’s green eyes. “I can’t stop looking at them every time we’re together.”

“Aw, geez,” says Brian blushing a little. “You sure know how to flatter a guy.”

Will smiles and puts his hand on Brian’s leg.

Brian smiles back at him. “I like you Will, you’re a cool guy. I know we’ve only been dating for a little over a month, but you’re the first guy I’ve felt anything real for since my breakup last year.”

“I like you too Brian,” says Will as he squeezes Brian’s leg. “I’ve really been enjoying the time we’ve been spending together.”

Brian puts his hand on Will’s leg and leans in to kiss him.

This kiss is different than the kiss they shared by the hospital earlier. This kiss was intense and passionate, Will needed to feel Brian’s lips against his and vice versa. Tongues meeting, hands roaming, Will could feel himself getting turned on.

“Maybe we should stop,” says Brian breathlessly as he feels Will’s tongue tracing his collarbone. “I don’t want to…oh my god.”

Brian is unable to finish his sentence as he gets lost in the sensation of Will nibbling on his ear. Man, that feels amazing. Will sure knows how to use his tongue, Brian could feel himself instantly get turned on.

“What were you saying?” asks a grinning Will as he kisses Brian. 

“Can we go inside to your place?” asks Brian looking at Will. What a handsome and genuine guy, hopefully things will keep going well for them.

“Absolutely,” says Will giving Brian a small kiss and opening his car door.

Will walks up to his front door and Brian is behind him grinding his hips against Will.

“If you don’t stop that,” says Will fumbling with his keys as he closes his eyes in pleasure. “Then we’ll never get inside.”

Brian kisses Will’s neck from behind as Will finds the key and opens the door.

As soon as Will closes the door, Brian is crushing his lips against Will’s. 

They make their way to Will’s bedroom and collapse on the bed arms wrapped each other with lips locked as they start taking their clothes off.

Scene: Millennium Park, 10:30 P.M.

Wearing a black jacket over his scrubs, Connor is sitting on a bench with his hands in his pockets. He texted Jesse to tell him he was at the park so now he is anxiously waiting for him to arrive.

What is he going to say? How can he properly explain, justify even, his actions? 

Connor looks up when he hears footsteps and sees Jesse walking towards him.

“Thanks for meeting me,” says Connor as he stands up to face Jesse. “Sorry about earlier, I had to get back to work.”

“You also didn’t want to have this out at your job,” snaps Jesse. “Or else everyone would know your secret.”

“You’re right,” admits Connor unable to deny that he is right. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?!” shouts an angry Jesse. “Do you really think that sorry even begins to cover what you did to me?”

“No, of course not,” says a timid Connor unsure of what else to say.

“You destroyed me!” shouts Jesse seething with anger. “I loved you Connor, I was more in love with you than I ever thought I could be with someone. Over a year of being together and then you vanished. We had dinner one night and then the next morning you were on a plane leaving the country. And you didn’t even have the respect to tell me to my face, you texted me. You were gone without any word or explanation. All of my calls and texts after you left were ignored and I was just left here to wonder what happened, tossed aside like someone who wasn’t your boyfriend. And that hurt, it really hurt Connor. You broke my heart more than I ever thought possible.”

At this point Jesse’s anger has calmed down and he now has single tears streaming down his face.

The pain and emotion in what Jesse just said hits Connor really hard. He had really broken this guy, someone he once loved. 

Tears begin to form in Connor’s eyes. “I know how badly I hurt you, but I just…I wasn’t ready. I loved you, I loved you so much. But it was all happening so fast, it was too much. I couldn’t come to terms with who I was and the disapproval that I would face in the eyes of my family. So I just had to leave, I had to get away. I got the call about going to Riyadh after we had dinner that night. I knew it was exactly what I was looking for and said yes without thinking.”

By this time, Jesse is wiping away his tears and fresh tears are pouring out of Connor’s eyes.

“I know it was wrong and incredibly selfish and unfair, but it was my instinct,” says Connor in between tears. “I wanted to stay here with you, to be the boyfriend you deserved, to love you the way you deserved, but I was just too scared of what all that meant. Once I decided to go, I couldn’t face you in person to tell you because I knew how painful it would be. So I just sent you a text and when I left, I resolved to cut of all contact to make it easier.”

“Didn’t you think I deserved an explanation?” asks a teary eyed Jesse the hurt evident in his voice. “Or did you plan to toss me aside like I was no one to you?”

“You were never no one to me,” says Connor knowing how empty his words sound. “I really did love you Jesse. I wanted to explain myself to you, but I couldn't face you. After I left, I couldn’t answer your calls or texts because I was too ashamed. I was such a selfish person and I gave up on you and our love because I was afraid. In the end all I did was break your heart and I am so sorry Jesse.”

At this point Jesse is sitting on the park bench, head in his hands, trying to stop himself from crying again.

“When you got back to Chicago, why didn’t you contact me?” asks Jesse sniffling. 

“I wanted to,” starts Connor as he sits on the bench next to Jesse. “But I figured that so many years had passed and you wouldn’t want to hear from me. I didn’t want to open up old wounds.”

Jesse nods as he takes a tissue of his pocket to dry his tears. “It took me a year to finally get over you Connor. My heart ached every single day because I missed you so much. But I finally realized that you didn’t love me like I loved you. If you did, you never would have left.”

“You might not believe me,” says Connor softly as he tries to get Jesse to look at him. “But I did. I was just scared and selfish.”

“And even after all these years, nothing’s changed for you,” says Jesse in an accusatory tone as he stands up to face Connor. “You’re still the same selfish, scared guy hiding from who he is.”

“That's not fair, you don’t understand…” starts Connor who is abruptly cut off.

“Oh no, I understand,” says Jesse getting angry again. “I understand what it’s like to have trouble coming to terms with being gay and coming out and being proud of who you are. I went through it too. But you know what the difference is? I didn’t drag someone else into my self-hate and use them until I was done with them.”

Connor looks up at Jesse, that hurt. But, he isn’t wrong. I guess self-hate is the correct way to describe what Connor has always felt about being gay.

“I fucking hate you for what you did to me Connor,” says Jesse making a fist. “And I will never forgive you for hurting me the way you did. You’ll never know what it truly means to be in love with someone because all you care about is yourself.”

Before Connor can respond, Jesse walks away leaving Connor alone on the bench.

Unable to control his emotions any longer, Connor breaks down in tears. He has really made some mess of his life. He has no close friends, he isn’t close with his family, and he’s too fucked up to have any type of relationship or a boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one's confused. I'm glad people are reading my story, but please leave me reviews. I want to know what you guys think, what you like/don't like, and any suggestions. Thank you.


	4. Working Towards the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and reviews.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Wednesday), 8 A.M.

Will slowly opens his eyes as the sunlight streams through the window and hits his face. Sometimes he hates that his apartment gets the sun every morning, it always wakes him up.

He looks to his side where he sees Brian sleeping and smiles. He looks so handsome sleeping. 

They had a great night together last night. Will doesn’t like to rush into sex because he doesn’t want to send the message that that’s all he wants. But it isn’t like that with Brian, what they have isn’t just physical, and Will can really see having a relationship with him.

Since he’s up, Will needs coffee so he quietly and gently gets out of bed as not to wake up Brian. He sees clothes strewn all over the floor, pants and shirts in one spot, socks and underwear in another. He smirks remembering how it all went down.

Will opens his drawer and pulls out a pair of black boxers, black shorts, and a white wifebeater to throw on. 

After getting dressed, he quietly opens the bedroom door, walks out, and then quietly closes it.

Will walks into the kitchen and stops dead in his tracks when he says his brother Jay sitting at the counter just like when he had woken up yesterday. Did Jay spend the night again? Did he hear him and Brian come home? Is Jay going to be here when Bran wakes up?

“Morning Jay,” says Will as he walks over to the coffee pot. “To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you two mornings in a row?”

“Good morning,” says Jay as he sips his coffee. “I forgot my jacket here yesterday so I came by to pick it up before work. I made myself some coffee and made some extra in case you woke up while I was still here.”

“Don’t you have to get to the district?” asks an anxious Will as he pours himself coffee and looks back towards his bedroom. “Wouldn’t want you to be late.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” asks Jay squinting his eyes at his brother. 

“Now what would make you think that?” asks Will trying to sound calm even though he feels his heart beating fast. It’s one thing for his brother to know he’s gay, it’s another thing for Jay to be here when he and his date wake up after spending the night together.

Before either of them can say another word, they hear the sound of Will’s bedroom door opening. Will’s heart drops as he knows what’s coming.

“Will,” calls Brian as he walks towards the kitchen wearing his boxers and wifebeater. 

He walks in and sees Will and Jay.

“Who’s this babe?” asks Brian as he walks over to Will.

At this point, Jay is grinning and Will is overcome with embarrassment.

“This is my brother, Jay,” says Will trying to stop his embarrassment from showing. “Jay, this is Brian.”

“Nice to meet you,” says Jay as he extends his hand to Brian.

“You too,” says Brian as he extends his hand and shakes Jay’s.

Will looks down unable to meet his brother’s eyes. Is his brother judging him?

“I’m gonna go get dressed babe,” says Brian as he kisses a slightly resistant Will.

Will nods as Brian walks out of the kitchen.

“If he’s calling you babe, then things must be going really well,” says Jay as Will turns towards him. “Plus, you know, the fact that you guys obviously had sex last night.”

Will blushes unsure of what to say.

“Oh, come on, I’m just teasing. Lighten up brother,” says Jay laughing and then getting serious when he sees how quiet Will is. “What’s wrong? Are you embarrassed or something?”

“Well yeah,” says Will finally finding his voice. “I didn’t expect you to be here when he and I got up this morning.”

“Dude,” says Jay meeting his brother’s eyes. “You have nothing to embarrassed about. You had sex with a guy you’re dating, what’s the big deal? It’s the same thing when men and women date, there’s no difference. And there’s certainly no need to feel embarrassed.”

“I just…” stammers Will. “I guess this is all new to me. I still feel like I have something to hide. Like I have to keep the fact that I slept with Brian a secret and be ashamed of it.”

“Hey,” says Jay as he gets up and puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I already told you that you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You having sex with Brian is like me having sex with a girl I’m dating. There’s no shame in that, no need for secrets, and nothing for you to hide. This is who you are and it’s totally cool. I want you to be open with yourself and with me and be happy.”

Will smiles at his brother. “Thanks Jay.”

“So I take it that you guys had a good night?” asks Jay as he sits back down not trying to pry too much. He doesn’t know how much his brother is comfortable sharing.

“Yeah,” says Will unable to stop his smile as he sits across from his brother. “Brian’s a great guy, we have a real connection.”

“Good,” says Jay as he finishes his coffee. “I have to get to the district, but since you’re dating Brian, I’d like to get to know him sometime.”

Jay stands up and puts his jacket on. “Make that happen.”

Will nods at his brother. “Will do.”

“Great,” says Jay walking towards the door. “See you later brother.”

Will sits there and smiles as he hears the door close. Jay is being great about everything. Understanding, accepting, supportive, there’s nothing more Will could ask for.

“Where’d your brother go?” asks Brian as he walks into the kitchen wearing his clothes from last night. “Did I scare him away or something?”

“No, of course not,” says Will as he puts his arm around Brian. “He had to get to work. But he was telling me that he wants to get to know you.”

“That’s cool,” says Brian as he smiles at Will. “I’d like that. But I have an important question.”

Will looks at Brian expectantly. 

“Is there any coffee?” asks Brian as he laughs. 

“Oh, so that’s what you consider an important question, huh?” asks a laughing Will as he lightly hits Brian in his stomach. 

“Caffeine is always important,” replies Brian running his hand through Will’s hair.

“Over there,” says Will pointing towards the coffee machine. “Cups are in the cabinet above.”

Brian gives him a small kiss and walks over to get some coffee.

“So is this how it’s gonna be babe?” asks a teasing Will as Brian pours himself coffee. “Me fighting coffee for your attention?”

“Hm, I don’t know,” says a playful Brian as he walks back over to Will sipping his coffee. “What can you offer me babe?”

“This,” says Will as he grabs Brian’s coffee to put it down and pulls him into his arms for a passionate kiss. Man, he loves kissing this guy.

“Well now,” says Brian as they break the kiss. “I think you’re the clear winner here babe.”

“I better be,” says Will as Brian wraps his arms around Will’s neck. “Are you hungry?”

“Not for breakfast,” says Brian coyly. “But I am hungry for something else.”

“Oh yeah?” asks Will raising his eyebrows as he rubs his hands up and down Brian’s back. “What might that be?”

“You,” says a flirty Brian as he puts his hand inside Will’s boxers. “How about we go back to bed?”

“Fuck yeah babe,” says Will getting lost in the sensations Brian’s hand is giving him. “I don’t have to be at work until noon.”

“Perfect,” says Brian continuing to work his hand at they head back to Will’s bedroom. 

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, 10 A.M.

Connor is lying in bed wearing blue boxers with his arm behind his head. He feels the exhaustion wash over him from being unable to sleep most of the night. That confrontation with Jesse, seeing and feeling how much he had hurt him, it kept Connor up all night. He couldn’t turn his mind off; as soon as he closed his eyes, he saw Jesse.

To think it could have been so simple, all Connor would’ve had to do was face the truth about himself four years ago and he wouldn’t have done this to Jesse. Maybe they’d even still be together. Instead he behaved like a selfish asshole and ran away. Like a coward. Only cowards run away from their problems, from who they are, and from someone they love. Connor never thought he’d be calling himself a coward, but you can’t deny what you are.

God, the pain on Jesse’s face and in his voice. Connor can’t believe he’s the one who caused it. Jesse was always so good to him, all he did was love him, and Connor showed his love by vanishing and breaking his heart. Jesse could’ve helped Connor come to terms with being gay, they could’ve figured it out together. But Connor pushed Jesse away and ran. Like he always does. Pushing away the people he cares about is practically the story of his life.

Who would ever want to date Connor when he is such a fucked up mess? A closeted gay guy with trust and commitment issues who pushes people away. Sounds like the perfect boyfriend, doesn’t it? It’s probably a good thing that Will isn’t gay because if he was, Connor would just blow that too. He would fuck up a chance with the guy he’s been thinking of all this time.

Connor sighs and looks over at the clock on his nightstand. 

‘Time to start getting ready for work,’ thinks Connor as he gets out of bed and heads into the bathroom.

Scene: Chicago Med, 2 P.M.

“Thanks Maggie,” says Connor as he signs some papers at the front desk. “What…”

Connor is interrupted by a voice calling his name from behind him. “Connor.”

Connor turns around and sees his sister Claire. “Claire, what are you doing here?”

“We have to talk,” says Claire as she looks at Maggie. “Hi Maggie.”

“Hi Claire,” says Maggie smiling. “I just need you to sign these two more forms Dr. Rhodes.”

Connor signs the forms and then turns back to his sister. “Let’s go to the break room.”

He walks towards the break room with his sister following behind him. When they get inside, he closes the door.

“What’s up Claire?” asks Connor looking at his sister and crossing his arms over his chest. Him and his sister haven’t been close in years so it’s pretty random for her to come see him at work. 

“Jesse Fields,” says Claire flatly as she looks at her brother. “He messaged me on Instagram with all these questions saying that he knows you. He knew quite a lot about me and our family, but I’ve never heard his name before. Who is he?”

Connor face contorts as he thinks of how to respond. Why had Jesse reached out to his sister? All Jesse said was that he found out from Claire’s Instagram that he was back in Chicago, he never said he contacted her. What should Connor say? Can he keep lying? Will his sister believe him?

“Jesse’s an old friend from med school,” says Connor knowingly lying straight to Claire’s face. “We did our rotations together.”

“Really?” asks Claire disbelief and slight anger evident in her voice. “Then how come he’s not a doctor? Maybe because he never went to med school, he’s in journalism. So go on Connor, keep lying to me.”

Connor takes a deep breath trying to figure out what to say now. Claire knows he’s lying, how is he going to get himself out of this? Was Jesse trying to out him by contacting his sister?

“Claire…I,” starts Connor knowing he has no choice but to tell her the truth. “You’re right, I’m lying. I don’t know Jesse from med school.”

“Well then how do you know him?” asks an expectant Claire still sounding a little angry. 

‘Here it goes,” thinks Connor as he takes a deep breath.

“He’s my ex-boyfriend Claire,” says Connor as his hand begins to shake. “I’m gay.”

Claire stares at her brother and her tone softens. “I know you are Connor, I’ve always known.”

Connor gives her a confused look. “You have? How?”

“I just have,” says Claire gently. “You’re my brother, it was just a feeling I always got.”

Connor can feel himself getting angry. His sister baited him into coming out to her when she’s known all along. She probably knew who Jesse was too, but tricked him into telling her.

“Wait,” says Connor shaking his head. “So you knew who Jesse was?”

“He didn’t tell me,” says Claire. “But I had a pretty good idea, I just wanted to hear it from you.”

“So you tricked me?” asks an angry Connor as he throws his hands up. “To confirm your suspicions that I’m gay?”

“I didn't trick you,” says Claire trying to explain. “I just…we’re not close anymore. We haven’t been in a long time and I miss that. It always felt like something was coming between us, like you were holding something back, especially since you’ve been back. And this secret was it. I guess I did trick you, but I just wanted to finally hear the truth from your mouth.”

“My secret is not why we’re not close anymore,” says an an angry Connor making sure to emphasize each word. “It’s because you’re an immature, materialistic bitch. As you got older, it became harder to be around you because you became so shallow. Obsessed with buying fancy things with dad’s money just to show everyone how you’re better than them. I’m not like that with money and I couldn't take it anymore.”

Claire stares at her brother clearly hurt by his words. “That’s fine Connor, blame me. But why do you think you’re not close to anyone in our family? Or why you’ve never been close to anyone all your life? Maybe being secretly gay is part of it, but you’re just as cocky and arrogant as I am. I may be materialistic, but I actually know how to develop relationships with people. I saw my whole life that you have no damn clue what it means to be close with anyone or love anyone because all you care about is yourself.”

Connor swallows hard as his sister pretty much confirms his assessment of himself. “Is that all you came here for?”

“See, this is exactly what I’m talking about,” says Clare getting irritated. “Yes brother, I’m done. I should walks out of this room and tell everyone you work with that you’re gay.”

Connor squints his eyes at her. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I actually would,” says a cocky Claire. “But I’m not going to tell them or anyone else because I actually care about you and I know my outing you would hurt you. This is your secret to tell and it’s not something for me to share with anyone.”

“Thanks,” says Connor whose shoulders relax as he gives his sister a small nod. 

“I hope one day you’ll stop hiding and finally open yourself and your heart to others,” says Claire sincerely as she walks towards the door. “Walking around with secrets is a huge weight.”

Before Connor can respond, Claire walks out the door.

He sighs heavily but before he can process everything that just happened, he gets a page over the hospital system.

“Dr. Rhodes to the OR,” says the voice over the system. “Dr. Rhodes to the OR.”

Connor closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

‘Time to get back to work,’ thinks Connor as he walks out of the break room. ‘All of this can wait until later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me reviews, I want to hear from you guys about what's working/not working, what you like/don't like, and any suggestions or comments. I care about what you guys think so please share your thoughts with me, thank you.


	5. Struggling To Move Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing my story. This is going to be the last chapter before the Will/Connor storyline picks up speed and I hope you like it.

Scene: 3 days later (Saturday), Chicago Med, 6 P.M.

“What’s up April?” asks Connor as he walks towards the front desk. 

“Your friend from the other day, Jesse Fields, was brought in while you were in the OR,” says April looking over a chart. “Car accident.”

“What?!” cries Connor who feels his heart starting to race. “What happened?”

“He was crossing the street and the driver ran a red light and hit him,” says April sorting through some papers. “He’s in trauma two, Ethan and Natalie took care of him.”

Without another word, Connor runs over to trauma two to find Jesse laying in bed. His stomach is wrapped in bandages and he has cuts and bruises on his face. Oh my god, Jesse.

“Dr. Rhodes,” says Natalie alerting him to her presence. “What are you doing in here?”

Snapping out of his thoughts, Connor looks up at Natalie.

“April told me about Jesse, he’s an old friend,” says Connor shaking his head. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s a lucky guy,” says Natalie looking at Jesse’s chart. “A few fractured ribs, some internal bleeding, and some cuts and bruises on his face. It could’ve been a lot worse, but luckily his body somehow didn’t bear much of the brunt of the force from the car .”

Connor breaths a sigh of relief. 

“Are you ok?”asks Natalie reaching out and touching his hand. She notices how upset he looks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” says Connor trying to calm his emotions. “I was just worried when I heard, but I’m glad Jesse’s alright.”

“A few weeks and he’ll be all healed up,” says Natalie as she smiles reassuringly. “I’ll give you a minute.”

“Thanks Dr. Manning,” says Connor smiling at her as she walks out and closes the door.

Connor sits in the chair next to Jesse’s bed and can feel the tears welling up in his eyes. A few days ago Connor listened to Jesse tell him how he’d broken his heart and now here Jesse was in the ER. How could this be happening?

Connor sits back in the chair, the emotion threatening to overtake him.

Outside, Natalie walks over to April.

“Hey April,” calls Natalie. “What’s the deal with Dr. Rhodes and Jesse Fields in trauma two?”

“He’s an old friend,” says April as she turns around the face Natalie. “Jesse came here the other day to see Connor. Why?”

“I don’t know,” says Natalie looking back to trauma two where she sees Connor sitting next to Jesse’s bed. “Something doesn’t seem right.”

“How do you mean?” asks a confused April.

“I’m not sure,” says a puzzled Natalie. “But I'm going to figure it out.”

Scene: Will’s Apartment, 6:30 P.M.

“What about you Jay? Are you seeing anyone?” asks Brian as he takes a bite of his pizza.

Will, Brian, and Jay are hanging out at Will’s apartment with pizza and beer. Jay wanted to get to know Brian so Will set this up.

“I’ve been seeing my partner on and off,” says Jay sipping his beer. 

“It must be hard to date someone you work with,” says Brian as puts his hand on Will’s. “Especially your partner.”

“A little bit,” says Jay. “She’s pretty special: beautiful, smart, sweet, strong, compassionate. We’re both so focused on our jobs though that it leaves little time for a relationship, but I have hope that we’ll figure it out.”

“She’s totally crazy about him,” says Will turning to Brian. “Sweet girl too, but tough. She gives Jay a run for his money.”

“Very funny,” says Jay laughing. “What do you do Brian?”

“I’m an assistant manager at an advertising agency downtown,” says Brian taking a bite of his pizza. “Just got promoted to that position less than a year ago.”

“Do you like it?” asks Jay thinking of the right questions to ask to get to know Brian better. 

“I do, but it’s a really tough job,” says Brian taking a breath. “Being a regular employee at an ad agency is hard enough, but there’s so much added pressure being the assistant manager. So much protocol, so many people to answer to, and so many people counting on you. I feel like I could bang my head against the wall most days, but I’m finally getting used to all the responsibility. I’ve been into advertising since college and was lucky to get a job right out of college, I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

“That’s cool,” says Jay sipping his beer. “I always say that liking your job is what matters most.”

Will smiles as he takes a bite of his pizza. He’s glad to see that Jay and Brian are getting along so well. 

“That pizza must be really good babe,” says Brian as both he and Jay notice Will’s smile.

“I’m just happy to see you guys getting along,” says Will looking between the two of them. “It feels a little weird to be honest sitting here with the guy I’m dating and my brother.”

“Why’s that?” asks Jay looking at his brother. 

“It just, I guess it feels so surreal,” says Will smiling at Jay. “After all these years of hiding and keeping secrets, I just can’t believe I’m finally being myself. And am able to share this part of my life with you Jay.”

Brian squeezes Will's hand and Jay raises his beer.

“I promise a toast,” says Jay. “To family, to happiness, to being proud of who you are, and not having to hide.”

“Cheers,” says Brian and Will as they clink their beers with Jay’s.

Brian gives Will a kiss and Will then puts his arm around Brian. Jay smiles as he sees how genuinely happy his brother is. He doesn’t think he’s even seen Will this happy.

Scene: Chicago Med, 9 P.M.

In trauma two, Jesse wakes up and sees Connor sitting beside his bed.

“Connor,” says a groggy Jesse. “What happened? Ow!”

Jesse winces in pain as he becomes aware of the bandages on his stomach.

“Easy, lay back,” says Connor as he stands up and puts his hand on Jesse’s shoulder to help him lay back. “You were brought in a couple of hours ago, a driver blew through a red light and hit you. You have some fractured ribs and your face is messed up, but you’re going to be just fine.”

“So I take it that you’re my doctor?” asks Jesse as he turns his head on the pillow to look at Connor. 

“No, I’m not. I've been coming and sitting by your side when I wasn’t busy waiting for you to wake up,” says Connor as he stands by the bed. “One of my colleagues is your doctor, she’s excellent, and you’re in very capable hands. It’s not like you’d want me as your doctor anyway.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” says Jesse trying to get comfortable. “Despite everything, you’re still one of the only people I’d trust with my life.”

Connor bows his head in shame.

“I’m sorry Jesse,” says Connor as tears form in his eyes. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the other day and everything you said to me about how I broke your heart. It’s been eating away at me and I was horrified when I found out that they had brought you in. I still love you Jesse, I think I always will.”

Before Jesse can respond, the curtain opens and Natalie is standing there.

“Hi Jesse, I’m Dr. Manning,” says Natalie as she looks at his chart. “How are you feeling?”

“Alright,” says Jesse weakly. “Tired and sore.”

“Well you have some fractured ribs. We’ve bandaged them up for you, but they’re gonna take a few weeks to heal so you’re going to have to take it easy,” says Natalie as she makes a notation on his chart. “Your face is pretty cut up, but I’m going to prescribe some creams that should help with the healing and also something to help with the pain. It'll take a few weeks, but you should heal completely. You should be able to go home in a day or two.”

“Thanks Dr. Manning,” says Jesse as his eyes start to flutter. “I’m kinda tired.”

“You get some rest,” says Natalie as she looks at Connor. “I’ll come back and check on you later and then we’ll get started on moving you upstairs. Dr. Rhodes.”

Natalie walks out of the room and Connor follows her closing the curtain and door behind him.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” asks Natalie as she puts Jesse’s chart on the desk. “In private?”

“Yeah,” says Connor as he follows her to the break room unsure of what Natalie could want.

“What’s up Natalie?” asks Connor as he shuts the door.

Natalie looks around to make sure no one else is there and also checks the bathroom.

“Ok good, we’re alone,” says Natalie as she crosses her arms over her chest. “When were you going to tell me that you had a relationship with my patient?

“Wh..wha..what?...” asks a mortified Connor unable to find his words as he feels his heart starting to race. “What are you talking about?”

“I heard you,” says Natalie calmly as she looks at him. “I opened the door and was standing behind the curtain and I heard you talking about breaking Jesse’s heart and loving him.”

Connor freezes unsure of what to do or say next. His hand starts shaking as Natalie walks over to him and reassuringly puts her hand on his arm. 

“It’s ok Connor,” says Natalie as she gives him a sweet smile. “It’s not a big deal that you’re gay. Things that like don’t matter to me, you’re still the same person to me that you’ve always been. Being gay is as natural as being straight, that’s how you were born.”

Struggling to find his words, Connor is able to choke out something. “This secret has haunted me pretty much my whole life. I’ve always been so ashamed.”

“Hey,” says Natalie lifting up his chin to make him look at her. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Who you are shouldn't be a secret. So what you’re into guys instead of girls? It’s 2016 and so many gay people are living happy proud lives. What other people think isn’t important, all that matters is who you are and that you’re happy.”

Connor look at Natalie with tears in his eyes. “Thanks Natalie, I can’t tell you what this means to me.”

She leans in to hug him and single tears are falling down Connor’s face.

“Shh, it’s ok,” says Natalie who can feel Connor crying. “It’s all going to be ok, just let it out.”

After a minute or so, they break the hug and Connor is wiping away his tears.

“This has really been eating away at you, hasn’t it?” asks Natalie responding to the emotion she’s feeling from Connor.

Connor sits down at the table and nods. “For as long as I can remember.”

Natalie sits down next to him and grabs his hands. 

“Jesse was a casualty of all this, wasn’t he?” asks Natalie as she starts to put the pieces together. 

“He was,” says Connor sniffling. He knows he’s caught and he feels comfortable opening up to Natalie. “We were dating four years ago and I was scared of who I was and our relationship. So I ran away and broke his heart. He was one of the first guys I fell in love with and I saw a real future with him, which scared me to no end. I didn’t know how to love him or be with him like he needed because I couldn't cope with being gay. It was so selfish of me, but at the time, it was easier to be a coward than to accept who I was. He found out I was back in Chicago and came to see me the other night. And it was ugly, really ugly. The hurt and pain I could feel from him, I can’t believe that I’m the one who caused it.”

Connor looks down in shame and Natalie squeezes his hands. 

“We all mistakes that we’re not proud of. Decisions we’ve made that have hurt others. God knows I have, I think everyone has,” says Natalie trying to get Connor to look at her. “But what matters is that we learn from it. We realize what we did, we fix it, and we vow never to do it again.”

Connor is still unable to meet Natalie’s gaze. “I can never fix what I did to Jesse. I broke his heart.”

“That’s true,” says Natalie. “But maybe it was a lesson about yourself. To stop hiding from who you are so you stop hurting yourself. And so you don’t hurt anyone else again because of it. You can’t keep this secret anymore, you have to be honest about yourself before it eats you alive.”

“How do I do that Natalie?” asks a defeated Connor. “How do I come out?”

“I don’t know,” says Natalie gently. “I can’t tell you how to do it, I don’t think anyone can. I have friends who came out and I know that they did it gradually. They told one person at a time until they felt comfortable enough to tell more people. Maybe that will work for you. But what I can tell you is that this is clearly not working for you anymore, you have to fix this.”

Connor nods as he sniffles. “I know, you’re right.”

“It doesn’t have to be a rush,” says Natalie trying to reassure him. “Take your time, come out at your own pace to whoever you feel most comfortable with first.”

“Thanks Natalie,” says Connor smiling at her. “This has been really helpful.”

“I have to go check on some patients,” says Natalie as she stands up. “But I’m here if you want to talk.”

Connor nods as Natalie walks out.

He sits there thinking about what Natalie said. Maybe it is finally to come out, going on like this is not going to work anymore. It is literally going to drive him crazy keeping this secret, he has to take this weight off of his shoulders. At least some it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me reviews and let me know what you think. Comments about what you like/don't like, what you want to see more of, I want to hear anything you guys have to say. Thanks.


	6. Looking to the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the support, reviews, and kudos. I hope you like this new chapter.

Scene: Chicago Med, Jesse’s Hospital Room, 2 days later (Monday), 11 A.M.

Jesse is sitting on his bed, dressed with his eyes closed, waiting to be discharged. It’s finally time to go home, Jesse can’t wait to sleep in his own bed. 

Jesse opens his eyes when he hears someone walk in and close the door behind them. It’s Connor.

“Connor,” says Jesse as he sits up and then winces in pain from his fractured ribs. 

“Woah, just take it easy, those ribs are gonna feel worse before they feel better,” says Connor as he helps Jesse lay back. “The prescription Dr. Manning is going to give you should help with some of the pain, but you still have to take it easy for at least two weeks.”

“Well then it’s a good things I work in journalism and I can work from home sitting in front of my laptop all day,” says Jesse as he cracks a smile.

Connor smiles back at him thinking back to when he used to be the reason Jesse smiled. 

“I know I probably shouldn’t be here, I don’t want to keep bothering you,” starts a hesitant Connor trying to find the right words. “But I wanted to see you before you were discharged.”

“You’re not bothering me, I’m glad you’re here,” says Jesse trying to meet Connor’s eyes. “I wanted to apologize to you actually. I contacted your sister through Instagram and I think she became suspicious of how we know each other. I shouldn't have done that, I just wanted to find out how you’ve been doing, but it was a mistake and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t even think about that again,” says Connor firmly. “There’s nothing to apologize for, it’s no big deal.”

“Did she say anything?” asks a concerned Jesse. “Does she know about you because of what I did?”

What a sweet guy, still thinking about Connor even after everything..

“She asked me who you were,” replies Connor trying not to make a big deal out of it. “But she already knew I was gay, she just used this an opportunity to get me to confess it to her.”

“Connor,” says Jesse tilting his head. “I’m sorry.”

“The last thing you ever have to do is apologize to me,” says Connor amazed by how sweet he is. “It was bound to happen eventually, my sister would’ve found another way to make me tell her. So please no apologies, no regret, it’s already forgotten about.”

Jesse gives him a small smile. “Did you mean what you said the other day?”

“What?” asks a confused Connor. He’s said a lot to Jesse recently so he’s unsure of what he’s referring to..

“You told me the other day that you still love me,” says Jesse slightly wincing in pain again. “Did you mean it?”

Connor looks at Jesse and swallows hard. “I did mean it. I’ve always loved you Jesse, I don’t think I ever stopped or that I ever will.”

Jesse smiles at Connor looking into his eyes. “I still love you too Connor. You’ll always be one of the great loves of my life and I’ll probably always love you. I just wish things had been different so we could’ve been together.”

Connor looks down taken aback knowing he doesn’t deserve to hear any of this “I don’t deserve to hear you saying all these things after what I did to you.”

“Look at me,” says Jesse as he reaches out and grabs Connor’s hand to make him look at him. “It’s been a lot of hurt and anger building up for four years that you’ve been seeing from me. But, I remember the Connor that I fell in love: that sweet, loving, genuine, honest guy who would do anything for me. And I know he’s still in there because I’ve seen glimpses of him the last couple of days. I just want you to stop hiding him from the world. This self-hate over being gay is so destructive, you have to stop it and let the world see who you really are Connor.”

Connor has single tears dripping down his face. “I wish I could go back and do it all again. Because I’d choose you. I’d choose our love over my fears and cowardliness.”

Jesse gives Connor a sad smile. “I wish we could go back too. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say and all we can do is go on from here. Stop running from who you are Connor; embrace it and please stop punishing yourself. You deserve to be happy and the only way you can do that is by being honest and showing the world who you are. Be yourself, go after what you want, and don’t be afraid. It might be hard, but I promise you that it will feel so much better than this self-hate that is consuming you.”

Such a sweetheart, even after Connor broke his heart. No wonder he had fallen in love with Jesse.

“Thank you Jesse,” says Connor unsure of what else to say. “You’re an amazing guy and I have no doubt you will meet a guy who deserves you. Dr. Manning should be in any minute to discharge you.”

“Take care of yourself Connor,” says Jesse looking into his eyes one final time.

“You too,” says Connor giving him a small smile before walking out of the room.

Connor heads upstairs to the employee langue on the second floor. No one’s from the ER is ever really in there, they use the break room on the first floor since it’s closer to the goings on downstairs, so Connor hopes to get a few minutes of solace.

Connor’s hopes for solace are dashed when he walks in and sees Will sitting at the table.

“Dr. Rhodes,” says Will as Connor walks in.

Connor nods his head as a greeting and goes to the vending machine to get himself a soda. Of course Will is going to be in the lounge, the one guy he’s attracted to has to be in such close quarters right after he said a final goodbye to his ex-boyfriend.

Connor sits down with his soda at the table across from Will and picks up a magazine. Latest issue of TV Guide, perfect distraction.

Will looks at Connor and notices his eyes are a little red.

“Are you ok?” asks Will as Connor puts down the TV Guide.

“I’m fine, why?” asks Connor trying not to sound too annoyed. 

“Nothing,” says Will casually. “Your eyes just look a little red. Like maybe from crying.”

“Oh,” says a surprised Connor who didn’t even look in the mirror before he came upstairs. “It’s just allergies.”

“Taking anything?” asks Will trying to keep him talking. He can tell he caught Connor off guard and wants to see where this leads.

“Uh, yeah, one of the allergists on the fourth floor prescribed me something,” says Connor hoping Will can’t see through his lie. “Thanks for asking.”

“No problem,” says Will casually. He’s not buying Connor’s story, but can’t think of a way to get Connor to open up.

Will’s phone beeps and he pulls it out of his pocket to see a text from Brian.

Brian’s text: Hey you, I wish you didn’t have to leave my bed so early this morning ;)

Will grins and replies.

Will’s text: Me neither babe, but I always can make it up to you ;)

Brian’s text: And how will you do that babe? ;P

Will laughs out loud head buried in phone and Connor looks at him. Will certainly looks happy, who is he texting?

Will’s text: I can think of a few things babe, I have all sorts of tricks that will drive you crazy ;)

Brian’s text: I like the sound of that, we can work on that. By the way, some of my friends from work want to meet you. Do you think maybe we could go to dinner with them on Friday?

Will pauses with his fingers on his iPhone keys. Meeting Brian’s friends, that was a big step. Yes Brian’s already met Jay, but that was kind of by accident. They aren’t even officially a couple yet, is it too soon to meet his friends? 

Lost in thoughts, Will is jolted back to reality by Connor snapping his fingers.

“Will,” calls Connor slightly concerned. “Are you alright? You haven’t moved in a couple of minutes.”

“Hm, yeah,” says Will shaking his head and standing up. “I’m good.”

Will walks towards the back of the room and Connor follows him.

“What had you so lost in thought like that?” asks Connor as Will responds to Brian’s text.

“Nothing,” says Will who suddenly snaps at Connor. “Why do you care anyway?”

“Woah,” says Connor taken aback. “When someone freezes like that in front of you, it’s a natural reaction to make sure everything is alright.”

“A natural reaction for friends maybe,” says an antagonistic Will. “On a good day you and I can barely be civil to each other.”

“It’s not my fault you’re an arrogant ass,” says Connor getting annoyed by Will’s attitude.

“That’s rich coming from you,” retorts an agitated Will. “Especially since you live off daddy’s money and walk around here like you own the hospital.”

By this point, both Will and Connor’s blood is starting to boil. They really know how to push each other's buttons. Yet something about this argument is different than their others, there is something indescribable behind the anger.

“You just think you have it all figured out, don’t you Halstead?” asks an angry Connor as he gets closer to Will. “You don’t know the first thing about me.”

“Because you won’t let me know you!” shouts Will. “You won’t let anyone here know you.”

Connor approaches him and Will backs away until he’s against the wall. He is completely surprised when Connor leans forward and presses his lips against Will’s and pins his hands above his head.

‘Is this really happening? Is Connor really kissing me? Wait, no, this is bad, I’m dating Brian,’ thinks Will. But Connor’s lips feel so good and this is what’s he wanted for months.

‘Wow, I can’t believe I actually did it,’ thinks Connor using all his strength to keep Will’s hand above his head. ‘There was so much anger, so much passion, my only instinct was to kiss Will. His lips are so soft.’

After about a minute, Will decides he has to push Connor off of him.

“Woah, what the hell was that?” asks Will trying to feign dislike for what just happened. “You…you kissed me.”

“Don’t play that,” scowls Connor as he straightens his shirt. “You kissed me back, I felt it.”

“That’s besides the point,” says Will trying to brush off that comment. “Why did you kiss me?”

“That’s not besides the point,” retorts Connor as he crosses his arms over his chest. “And I kissed you because for some reason that is beyond me I like you Will.”

Will is taken aback as the words hit him. Connor likes him, like likes him likes him. He’s gay too. Amazing.

“So you’re gay?” asks Will gently.

“I am gay,” says Connor realizing how good those words feel passing his lips. “And based on the way you kissed me back and the fact that you reacted like I did, I think I can safely assume that you are too.”

Will is unsure what Connor means as he sees him looking between the two of them. Will then looks down and sees that they’re both turned on.

“Oh,” says Will slightly embarrassed unable to deny the obvious. “You’re right, I am gay.”

Connor grins a little. “So the sexy Dr. Halstead likes guys too, it must be my lucky day.”

Before either of them can say anything else, Connor gets paged over the hospital system.

“Dr. Rhodes to the OR,” says the voice over the system. “Dr. Rhodes to the OR.”

“We’ll continue this later,” says a smiling Connor as he walks out.

Will stand there unsure of how to feel. He has always wanted to find out Connor is gay and that Connor likes him too. But he’s dating Brian now. What is he going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me reviews and let me know what you guys think. As the story keeps moving forward, I want to know what you like/don't like and any suggestions or thoughts for what's to come.


	7. The Cycle of Moving Forward

Scene: Will’s Apartment, 3 days later (Thursday), 8 P.M.

Will, wearing a gray t-shirt, dark blue jeans, and a dark blue hoodie, is sitting in the living room waiting for Brian. He has been avoiding Connor at all costs at work since their kiss the other day. It was just a kiss, it didn’t mean anything. He is dating Brian and that’s what matters.

There is a knock at the door and Will gets up to answer it.

He opens the door and smiles when he sees Brian. He is wearing a black t-shirt, gray jeans, and a gray hoodie.

“Hey babe,” says Brian as he is ushered inside by Will. 

“Hey there yourself,” says Will as he closes the door and turns around to kiss Brian. Man, this guy can really kiss.

“I’m really glad to see you,” says Brian as they wrap their arms around each other in a hug. “I missed you the last couple of days.”

“I know babe,” says Will as they tighten the hug. “I missed you too. It sucks working the late shift and not being able to see you. I just come home and pass out until my next shift.”

“I understand,” says Brian as they break their hug and he smiles at Will. “Smells good in here, what’d you make?”

“Chicken Marsala with mashed potatoes,” says Will as they walk into the kitchen and Will uncovers the food.

“Wow, that looks great,” says Brian as he puts his arm around Will and pulls him close. “Where’d you learn to cook?”

“Being a bachelor for so long I’ve picked up some tricks,” says Will as he gives Brian a kiss. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” says Brian rubbing his stomach. “Work was so busy today, I barely had time to get in an hour’s lunch.”

“Let’s eat and you can tell me all about it,” says Will as he grabs some plates out of the cabinet.

An hour later, they are sitting at Will’s kitchen table done with their food.

“That was delicious babe,” says Brian as he uses a napkin to clean his hands. “Thanks for cooking for me.”

“My pleasure,” says Will as he takes a sip of his drink. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“You know babe,” says Brian turning to face Will. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” asks Will as he turns to Brian. 

“I was thinking that since you’re gonna meet my friends tomorrow,” starts Brian clearly fumbling with his words. “Maybe we could…I’d like to…”

Will grabs his hands to calm him down. “Babe, take a deep breath. What is it that’s got you all nervous?”

“We’ve been dating for over a month now and I really like you Will,” says Brian composing himself. “I’d like to introduce you to my friends as my boyfriend, not just the guy I’m dating. How would you feel about that?”

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” asks Will as a smile starts to form on his face.

“I am,” says Brian hopefully.

“Nothing would make me happier,” says Will smiling widely.

Brian doesn’t say anything as he pulls Will into a passionate kiss. Will makes him really happy and he really thinks they’ll make a good couple.

Will relishes the feeling of Brian’s lips on his. This guy is exactly what he has always been looking for. Forget Connor, that egotistical son of a bitch could never make him happy.

Scene: Promenade, 9:30 P.M.

Connor is walking along the promenade. Even though it’s a pretty cold January night in Chicago, Connor needs some fresh air to reflect on all that’s happened in the last week.

His sister knows he’s gay, Claire tricked him into to admitting it to her. What a bitch, baiting him when she already knew.

Natalie found out he’s gay, it sort of happened by accident since she heard Connor talking to Jesse. But she was really understanding and supportive so that was good.

Jesse in a sense forgave him after getting into a car accident. He should’ve stayed mad at Connor forever, but instead he was really sweet. It just shows what a great guy Jesse is that he’s unable to hold on his anger towards Connor.

And then there’s Will. Connor can’t believe that he actually kissed Will the other day. After months of being enamored by him, the opportunity finally presented itself for Connor to make his move. A move he honestly never thought he’d have the balls to make. But that argument they were having, there was so much heat, so much passion. Connor could feel it coursing through his veins, the room was ripe with it, and he could feel it in Will too. It wasn’t hate, it certainly wasn’t love, it was just passion. And Connor couldn't not act on that and kiss Will.

Ever since the kiss though, Will has been completely avoiding him. When Will sees him, he walks away or leaves the room. And if they have been in the same room together over the last few days, Will doesn’t look his way or talk to him unless it’s something professional. Maybe Connor freaked him out with the kiss, maybe it was too much for Will. Maybe Will doesn’t like him and getting turned on was just a natural physical reaction. It could be so many things, but Connor has to talk to him and find out.

Scene: Chicago Med, next day (Friday), 4 P.M.

Connor is walking out of one of the rooms in the ER and sees April.

“April,” calls Connor as she turns around to look at him. “I need a cat scan and full blood work up on my patient in trauma three.”

“Right away Dr. Rhodes,” says April as she heads off.

He sees Ethan walking by.

“Hey Ethan,” calls Connor which causes Ethan to stop in his tracks. “How’s Mrs. James doing?”

“She’s still unconscious,” says Ethan crossing his arms over his chest. “Her arm is broken and she’s lost a lot of blood. I’m going upstairs to check about a blood transfusion.”

“Keep me posted,” says Connor as Ethan nods his head and walks away. 

He sees Will standing at the front desk looking over some files.

“Dr. Halstead,” says Connor as he walks over to him. 

“I’m busy right now Dr. Rhodes,” says Will as he doesn’t look up from his files. “Going through my patient’s medical history.”

“Can we talk later?” asks Connor trying to get Will to look at him. 

“When I have time,” says Will dismissing him as he refuses to look up.

“If this is about the other day,” whispers Connor leaning over the desk.

“I said I’m busy Dr. Rhodes,” says an exasperated Will raising his voice as he puts his papers down and looks up at Connor. “I have to focus on my patient.”

A defeated Connor nods his head and walks away. He definitely freaked Will out with that kiss, damn it.

Scene: Chicago Med, 4 hours later (8 P.M.)

Will walks into the break room after a long day ready to change and go out with Brian and his friends.

As Will is pulling clothes out of his locker, Connor walks in.

“I really don’t wanna do this right now,” says Will as he walks towards the bathroom with his clothes. 

“You can’t keep avoiding me,” says Connor calling after Will. “Or this.”

“I’m not avoiding anything,” says Will turning around. “We kissed, that’s it. It doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t change anything. We’re still the same disagreeing colleagues that we’ve always been.”

“That’s bullshit,” says Connor walking towards Will. “You can’t tell me that you didn’t feel what I felt the other day. The passion, the fire, the chemistry. I saw how it turned you on.”

“Getting turned on was just a natural reaction to the contact that I couldn’t control,” reasons Will. “It doesn’t mean that I felt any of that.”

Will turns to walk to the bathroom again and Connor walks around and cuts him off.

“Will, wait,” says Connor his voice low. “I meant what I said the other day, I like you. Kissing you was spur of the moment, but I’m glad I did because I’ve been wanting to tell you how I feel for a while. And I know you feel something for me too.”

Will takes a deep breath. “The only thing I feel for you Dr. Rhodes is contempt. I also have a boyfriend so you’re wasting your time.”

Will sees the surprised and almost hurt look on Connor’s face. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” says Will as he brushes past Connor and walks into the bathroom.

Connor stands there with a troubled look on his face. Did he make a mistake by kissing Will?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review, I want to hear from my readers.


	8. Who, Me?

Scene: Will’s Apartment, Friday night, 11 P.M.

“Will wait,” calls Brian as he follows Will into his apartment closing the door behind him. “We have to talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” says an irritated Will as he throws his jacket on the couch. “Your friends think I’m some pathetic closet case that you’re wasting your time with.”

“They never said that,” says Brian giving Will a look.

“They didn’t use those exact words, but they might as well have,” says an exasperated Will pulling a beer out of the fridge. “I haven’t been judged like that since I was in med school.”

“Babe,” says Brian walking closer to Will. “They weren’t judging you.”

“Like hell they weren’t!” cries Will as he walks away from Brian. “From the moment I said that I wasn’t out it felt like I was under a microscope. They clearly don’t think I’m good enough for you because of it.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” says Brian turning to face Will. “My friends know coming out isn’t easy, they wouldn't think you’re not good enough for me because you’re not out.”

“The way they were looking at me and talked to me made it pretty obvious that that’s what they think,” says an agitated Will sipping his beer. 

“They’re just being protective,” says Brian trying to get Will to calm down. “They want to make sure you and I are on the same page about what we want.”

“And treating your boyfriend like crap is the way to do that?” retorts Will. 

“Babe,” says Brian approaching Will. “Maybe they were a little abrasive, but they don’t know the smart, sweet, passionate, genuine and honest guy I do. Besides, this is our relationship so don't take it so much to heart because the only people who have any say in where and how this relationship goes is us.” 

“But they’re your friends,” says Will looking down. “You wanted me to meet them so they could give you their opinion on me. And now you know what it is.”

“Hey, look at me,” says Brian putting his hand on Will’s chin to make him look at him. “Yes, I did want their opinion of you, but that doesn't matter to me nearly as much as you do. Screw their opinions, you’re the only thing I care about.”

“Really?” asks Will playfully pouting. 

“Of course silly,” says Brian putting his arms around Will’s waist. “My friends are all jaded and single, they don’t know what it is to have a great guy like you.”

Will smiles at Brian. Man, this guy is so sweet and everything he says & does just shows Will how much he cares for him.

“You really blow me away sometimes,” says an enamored Will staring into Brian’s eyes. “You always know how to make me feel special.”

“That’s because you are special babe,” says Brian pulling Will close. “I hope that’s not the only way I blow you away though.”

Will raises his eyebrows and laughs. “You’re pretty good at the other type of blowing too babe.”

“Right back at you,” says Brian leaning in to kiss Will. 

“Let’s forget about all this and get with that blowing,” whispers Brian seductively into Will’s ear as he puts his hand under Will’s shirt. 

Will flinches as he feels Brian’s cold hand against his stomach.

“Sorry babe,” says Brian pulling his hand back. “I didn’t realize my hands were still so cold.”

“Let’s get to bed so I can warm you up,” says Will smirking as he kisses Brian.

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” says a smiling Brian as Will grabs his hand and they head to the bedroom.

Scene: 2 days later (Monday), Chicago Med, 9 A.M.

Will walks into the break room and is surprised to find Connor and Natalie sitting in the corner talking. Not really talking, whispering. No, not whispering, louder than a whisper, but quieter than normal talking so Will can’t make out what they’re saying. 

‘That’s weird,’ thinks Connor as he pours himself a cup of coffee. ‘I’ve never seen Natalie and Connor talk before except in the ER.’

At least Connor isn’t focused on Will. The last few days have been worse than they used to be, that kiss made everything so awkward. Will had no choice but to tell Connor he isn’t interested, he could never make him feel the way Brian does.

“Ok, I’ll meet you later for lunch,” says Natalie addressing Connor as she gets up. “Gotta go do some happy Monday morning paperwork.”

“Have fun,” says Connor as they both laugh a little and she walks out.

Connor sees Will looking at him.

“What did I do now?” asks Connor as he sips his coffee. “I haven't even looked your way until just now.” 

“Nothing,” says Will sipping his own coffee. “I just never knew you and Natalie were friends. Talking, lunch, I’m surprised.”

“You’re the one who said no one here knows me,” says Connor as he gets up and walks towards Will. “So I’m trying to change that.”

“Oh, so is that what you were trying to do the other day when you put your tongue down my throat and pinned my hands above my head?” asks Will antagonistically. “You were helping me get to know you?”

“Whatever works,” says a grinning Connor as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“You’re so smug,” says an irritated Will. “Do you think that was funny or something? I have a boyfriend and you make a move on me thinking I could ever feel something for you.”

“Hey,” says Connor defensively as he raises his voice. “I told you I did that because I like you. I don’t exactly like rejection so this is no more fun for me than it is for you.”

“Just keep your hands to yourself,” says Will as he turns away from Connor.

“Afraid I’ll do something to turn you on again?” asks Connor as a smirk forms on his face and he walks closer to Will.

“You wish,” scowls Will refusing to face Connor, but feeling how close he is.

“Maybe I do wish to do things to you in those scrubs,” whispers Connor in Will’s ear. Will can feel his breath on his ear. “Feel you, touch you, fulfill your every desire. But you’ll never know, will you?”

Will swallows hard as Connor walks out of the room.

He looks down to see that he’s turned on, but shakes his head to try to stop it. He will not let Connor have this effect on him.

Two hours later, Will gets a page from Maggie.

“Maggie, what’s up?” asks Will walking to the front desk. 

“Walk in patient in trauma two,” says Maggie looking over some papers. “All yours.”

“On it,” says Will he heads over to trauma two.

Will pushes open the curtain and sees Connor in there. “What are you doing in here? Maggie sent me in here.”

“I guess she didn’t realize that I was in here with Ralph, it’s been pretty busy,” replies Connor as Will gives the patient a once over. A man in his early 20s, short brown hair, and blue eyes with a muscular built wearing a suit with a cut on his head. “I got this unless you wanna join me.”

Will glares at Connor. He got the better of him the other day with the kiss, he won’t let him one up him and take his patient. So they’ll have to do it together.

“Ralph, I’m Dr. Halstead,” says Will as he grabs his iPad from his pocket to fill in Ralph’s chart. “Tell us what happened.”

“I was coming out of work a few blocks away,” explains Ralph sitting up. “When I suddenly got dizzy and I fell and hit my head.”

“Is this the first time this has happened?” asks Connor as he makes a note on his own iPad chart. 

“No, I’ve been getting dizzy a lot,” says Ralph starting to sound disoriented. “For like the last six months. But I’ve never taken a fall like that before.”

“Let’s listen to your breathing,” says Connor as he puts his stethoscope up to his ears. “Deep breaths, in and out.”

Connor uses his stethoscope to listen to Ralph’s breathing. “Everything sounds good. I think we should run some tests.”

“Do any of those tests involve you touching me again?” asks Ralph smiling. “Sorry, but you guys are two of the hottest doctors I’ve ever seen. Gingers are exactly my type though Dr. Halstead, no offense.”

Connor and Will share an awkward look. 

“None taken,” says Will looking at the iPad. “I think full labs and a CT scan should be good.”

“That’s good, I’ll let April know,” says Connor walking out.

“Are you and him,” starts Ralph trying to find the right thing to say. “You know, having sex?”

“What?” asks a surprised Will as he crosses his arms over his chest. “No, why would you think that?”

“I could feel something in the room between you two,” explains Ralph tilting his head. “I’m usually good at reading stuff like that, but I guess my fall messed up my mojo. Sorry about that.”

“It’s ok,” says Will as he turns to walk out. “We’ll be back when your test results come in.”

Three hours later, Connor and Will walk back in to see Ralph. 

“Sorry for the wait Ralph,” says Connor as he and Will stand on opposite sides of the bed. 

“Did the nurse bring you a sandwich and soda?” asks Will looking around.

“Yeah, about an hour ago,” says Ralph as he motions to the garbage on the table next to his bed. “Then she took my blood again. What’s wrong with me?”

Will looks at Ralph’s chart on his iPad. “It turns out that you’re diabetic, hypoglycemic to be exact. Your blood sugar levels from your initial blood tests were extremely low. Those low levels explain why you fell today.”

“Diabetes often goes untreated but it’s likely this has been going on for the last six months and that’s why you’ve been having dizzy spells,” said Connor looking at Ralph’s chart on his iPad. “Looking at your second set of blood tests, they are much better. Your blood sugar levels have risen significantly, we sent the food in to raise them.”

“Your diabetes is completely manageable as long as you keep an eye on your blood sugar. We’ll send the nurse in with a pamphlet about diabetes,” says Will making a notation on his iPad. “It’ll answer any questions you may have.”

“Thanks,” says Ralph sitting up. “My mom is hypoglycemic so I’m pretty well versed.”

“Well then since your levels have risen, you’re all set to be discharged,” says Connor closing his iPad. “Anything else before we go?”

“One thing,” says Ralph as he pulls a business card out of his pocket and hands it to Connor.

Connor gives him a confused look.

“That’s my business card, cell phone number’s on the back,” says Ralph as Connor looks at him. “I’d love to buy you a drink or something sometime. Text me so we can set it up.”

Connor, holding the card, gives him a small smile. “That’s nice of you, but we’re not allowed to date patients.”

Will stands there awkwardly unsure of whether or not he should leave. This is making him very uncomfortable.

“Well I’m being discharged so I won’t be a patient much longer,” reasons Ralph as he smiles at Connor. “It doesn’t have to be a drink, it can be dinner, coffee, whatever you want.”

Connor is stunned. “I, uh…”

“Don’t say anything,” says Ralph as he reaches out and touches Connor’s hand. “I’ll be waiting for your text.”

“Ok then,” says Connor nodding his head as he walks out.

Will shakes his head and walks out too. He can handle awkward, but seeing Connor getting hit on right in front of him was a bit much. Like a lot much. How rude to hit on someone in front of someone else. So what Will and Connor aren’t together, he doesn’t wanna see him with Ralph.

Holy shit, he’s jealous. Damn it, no, this cannot and will not be. He is not jealous of someone being interested in Connor. Is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review and let me know your thoughts. Reviews inspire me to write more.


	9. Why’d You Have To Go & Make Things So Complicated?

Scene: Chicago Med, 3 days later (Thursday), 12 P.M.

Will is standing at the front desk using the computer when he sees Brian walk in dressed in his business suit.

“Brian,” says Will coming from behind the desk and walking over to him. “This is unexpected, to what do I owe the surprise?”

“We haven’t seen each other all week because of our work schedules,” says Brian looking around at the ER. “And I got an extended lunch today so I wanted to come by and see if I could take my boyfriend to lunch.”

“I’d like that,” says Will smiling. “I can get off in a few minutes if you don’t mind waiting.”

“Not at all,” says Brian as he leans in to hug Will, but is surprised when Will pushes him away.

“Not here,” says Will looking around.

Brian is taken aback half in offense and half in shock. It’s just a hug, it’s not like he tried to kiss Will or anything.

Before either of them can say anything else, Ethan walks over to Will.

“Will,” says Ethan who notices Brian. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, I’m Brian,” says Brian as he extends his hand to Ethan. “I'm Will’s….”

“Good friend,” interjects Will as he puts an arm around Brian. “We go way back, been friends for years.”

Brian shoots Will a look that goes unnoticed by Ethan, but not by Will.

“I’m Ethan,” says Ethan as he shakes Brian’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” says Brian as Will takes his arm away. Good friend, why did Will say that?

“Anyway,” continues Ethan. “Goodwin needs our paperwork on Mr. Richards by the end of the day. If you’re not busy, I wanted to finish it over lunch.”

“Well, actually,” says Will gesturing towards Brian. “Brian and I were going to…”

“Actually we’re not,” interrupts Brian who is holding his phone in his hand. “I have to get back to the office.”

“You do?” asks a confused Will looking at him. “But I thought you came by so we could…”

“I just got a text from work,” says Brian cutting him off. “I have to get back.”

Will looks at Brian knowing he’s lying.

“Ok,” says Ethan looking at Will. “Then I’ll meet you in the break room in 15. Nice to meet you Brian.”

“You too,” says Brian managing a small smile as Ethan walks off. 

Before Will can say anything, Brian turns to walk out. “I’ll see you later Will.”

“Brian wait,” calls Will as he follows him outside. “Why are you leaving? I know you didn’t get a text from work.”

Brian turns around and gives Will an icy stare. “Let’s just say I lost my appetite when you lied about who I was and called me a good friend.”

“Babe,” starts Will desperately trying to find a way to explain. “It’s not like that, I just…”

“No,” says an irritated Brian cutting him off. “It’s exactly like that. I can’t deal with this right now so I will just talk to you later.”

Brian walks off and Will stand there with his head down. This is not good.

Scene: Chicago Med, 4 P.M.

Connor walks in on Maggie cleaning up one of the ER rooms.

“Hey Maggie,” says Connor as he walks in and closes the door and curtain behind him. 

“Oh hey Dr. Rhodes,” says April as she changes a pillowcase. “How’s your day going?

“Hectic, but finally quieting down,” says Connor as he sits down in the chair. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure, what’s up?” asks Maggie as she sit on the bed and faces him.

“You know Maggie, I enjoy working here and I think you do a great job running the ER, But I know that I’m not always the easiest to get along with,” says Connor picking at his fingers and looking down. “I’ve always struggled to open up to people and sometimes I get hot-headed, act on impulse, and push people away without even noticing. I want to work on becoming part of the hospital instead of the only one who doesn’t get invited to Molly’s at the end of shift.”

“Oh Connor,” says Maggie as she tries to get him to look at her. “You’ve been a part of this family since you started here whether you’ve known it or not. You can be a little hard to get along with at times, but you’re also a great doctor. I see how much you care about your patients and how invested you are in them. But I can also tell that you have a wall up that keeps me and everyone here from getting to know Connor Rhodes, the man, not the doctor. I’ve seen glimpses of who he is, but I’d like to get to know him better.”

Connor looks up at her and smiles at how sweet she is. “I’m going to work on changing and being a more open person. I’ve had this wall up for so long and I’m not sure exactly how to take it down, but I’m going to try. Just be patient with me while I do.”

“Of course,” says Maggie as she gives him a small smile. 

“There’s something else I want to tell you,” says Connor as he takes a deep breath. “But you have to promise to keep it between us.”

“I promise,” says Maggie expectantly. 

“I’m gay,” says Connor noticing how strange yet freeing those words sound. “It’s a secret I’ve been keeping my whole life. And one that I’m finally ready to start telling people.”

Maggie leans forward and grabs his hand. 

“Something like that is not easy to share and I’m honored that you chose to tell me,” says a genuine Maggie. “Being gay is no different than being straight, that is how you were born, and it’s completely natural. Nothing changes for me and I support you one hundred percent. Your secret is safe with me.”

Single tears are dripping down Connor’s face.

“Aw, it’s ok,” says Maggie responding to the emotion she’s feeling from Connor. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

Connor wipes away his tears, laughs, and sniffles. “It just feels so freeing. To finally be able to be honest who I really am and to be accepted. To lift some of this weight off my shoulders.”

Maggie’s eyes water and she squeezes his hand. “Everyone should always be accepted for exactly who they are. I’m sorry you’ve had this weight on your shoulders, but I’m glad telling me was able to relieve some of it.”

“It was,” says Connor fresh tears spewing. “Thanks Maggie, this means everything to me.”

“Aw, come here,” says Maggie as she gets up to hug him.

Tears are dripping down Connor’s face and Maggie hugs him tighter. 

“I’m always here to talk to, you’re not alone anymore,” says Maggie as they break the hug and she wipes away her own tears. “See, you got me crying too.”

Connor laughs. “Do you remember Jesse Fields?”

“I do,” says Maggie looking at him. “Ex-boyfriend?”

“Was it that obvious?” asks Connor laughing a little.

“To my trained eye, I knew he was more than just a friend,” says Maggie putting her hand on his shoulder. “The way you acted while he was here, it seemed like love. And now that you’ve told me the truth about who you are, I know it was love.”

Connor gives her a small smile. “It was. You should also know that Natalie heard me talking to him while he was here so she knows I’m gay too.”

“Oh good,” says Maggie smirking. “Now she and I can set you up.”

Connor laughs and Maggie gets a message on her phone.

“Looks like I have to get back to work,” says Maggie fluffing the bed. “I think you should too Dr. Rhodes.”

“Thanks again Maggie,” says Connor smiling at her.

“My pleasure,” says Maggie smiling back at him as he leaves.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, 6:30 P.M.

Will is sitting at the kitchen counter waiting for Brian to come over. He texted him a little while ago so he should be here soon. How is Will going to explain what happened earlier? He really doesn’t understand it himself, it was just his instinct to not hug Brian and to call him a friend. He’s not sure he’s ready for anyone at work to know he’s gay.

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door and he knows it’s Brian.

“Hey babe,” says a smiling Will until he sees the sour look on Brian’s face. “Come in.”

Brian brushes past Will and Will closes the door.

“Listen, I know you’re mad,” starts Will as he turns around to face Brian.

“Mad?” asks Brian as he puts his hands in his pockets. “You could say that. Humiliated works too.”

“I’m sorry,” says Will trying to find the right words. “I didn’t mean to humiliate you.”

“But you did,” insists Brian his voice rising. “You wouldn’t hug me, you wouldn’t tell the guy you worked with who I really am. I became a good friend that you’ve known for years instead of your boyfriend.”

Will bows his head in shame. “I’m sorry, I just…I’m not ready for people at work to know I’m gay.”

“Does anyone other than your brother know?” challenges Brian.

“No,” responds a confused Will. “But I don’t see what that has to do with this.”

“It actually has everything to do with this,” says Brian crossing his arms over his chest. “When we got into this relationship, I thought we would be able to be an actual normal couple. But you’re not out to anyone other than your brother. Maybe you’re not ready for anyone else to know.”

“What are you saying?” asks Will trying to follow his thoughts as he sits at the kitchen counter.

“That maybe you’re not ready for a real relationship,” reasons Brian as he turns to face Will

Will wants to object, but can’t because he knows Brian is right.

“I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you Will,” says Brian as he takes a deep breath. “Because I do, I really do. But if you’re not ready to come out, then we can’t do this.”

“What if we just keep our relationship to ourselves?” suggests Will hoping it sounds better than he thinks.

“You mean only be together in private and act like we’re not a couple in public?” challenges Brian feeling the anger rise inside of him. “Making me your secret?”

“Well when you put it like that,” starts Will knowing how bad it sounds.

“No matter how you put it,” says Brian throwing his hands up in defeat. “I have too much self-respect to be your secret boyfriend. Constantly hiding our relationship from the world. I’m honestly offended that you would even suggest it.”

Will looks down knowing Brian’s right. It’s not fair to him. 

“Do you know why I was so hurt by what your friends were saying about me?” asks Will whose voice is barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t just because I was offended, it was because I thought they might be right. I’ve wanted to pretend I’m ready for a full on public relationship, but I think today proved that I’m not. Maybe I am too much of a closet case for you. Man, I hate that expression.”

Brian glares at Will at a loss for words.

“So let me get this straight,” asks an agitated Brian as he starts pacing in front of Will. “You started this knowing you’re not ready to be out and public about us? Why the hell would you do that? Did you just think I’d be ok with being your secret?”

“Well,” starts Will making motions with his hands to let out his discomfort. “I wasn’t sure if I was ready for us to be out and public, but I wanted to try. For you. Because of how much I care about you. But then we went out with your friends and hearing them call me a closet case made me defensive because I didn’t want to lose you Brian. I thought if things were going well for us, you’d be ok with keeping our relationship a secret when the time came because you wouldn’t want to lose me either.”

“Wow,” says Brian overcome with anger. “Who the hell are you and what have you done with Will?! Because I can’t believe what I’m hearing from you. How could you say yes to being my boyfriend when you knew you weren’t ready for a public relationship? And the fact that you would be so selfish to try to manipulate my feelings for your own agenda, that is beyond anything I cannot comprehend right now. I guess you didn’t count on my self-respect trumping my feelings for you, did you?”

“Brian…” starts Will as he stands up.

“No, you are done talking!” shouts a pissed off Brian causing Will to sit down. “How could I not see what a lying, selfish manipulator you are? I’ve been falling for you, like really falling for you, and I guess it clouded my ability to see your true colors. The Will I was dating, the Will I fell for, I don’t even recognize him in you right now. You could’ve just told me that you weren’t ready for an out and public relationship. I would’ve understood and we could’ve taken it slow. But instead you chose to play me like some trick and make look like a fool.”

At this point, Will has single tears in his eyes. How could he be so selfish and hurt a great guy like Brian?

“I’m sorry Brian,” says Will fighting back tears. “I never intended to manipulate you or play with your feelings. I just…I care about you so much, you make me feel like no one has ever before. I didn’t wanna ruin that and risk you losing you by being honest. I’m selfish and I don’t like to give up the things that make me happy. If I said I wasn’t ready for a public relationship, I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. It was wrong and unfair of me to lie to you about my doubts and even worse that I wanted to manipulate your feelings.”

“I don’t even know what else to say,” says Brian shaking his head in defeat. “I think we need to take a break.”

“What does that mean?” asks Will sniffling. “Like a Ross and Rachel break? Because we all know how well that worked out.”

Brian gives him a look signifying that he is not amused.  
“We need some time apart to figure out where we go from here,” explains Brian trying to calm down. It would be so easy to just tell Will to screw himself and break up with him, but despite his anger, Brian isn’t ready for that. “Decide what you want from me, if you can have a real relationship with me, and if you can be the guy I fell for again.”

“And what about you?” inquires Will. 

“Me,” says a sadistic Brian emphasizing his words to hurt Will. “I’m going to decide if you deserve my forgiveness and if I can trust you with my heart again.”

Will looks at Brian successfully hurt by his words, but knowing he deserves it.

“How long?” asks Will nervously picking at his fingernails. 

“Whenever we’ve figured this out,” says Brian walking towards the door. “I’ll be in touch.”

Brian walks out and Will bangs his hand on the counter. Leave it to him to fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review and let me know what you think, your reviews inspire me to write more.


	10. And You Think That’s Gonna Make It All Better?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting with this chapter, I will be naming my chapters based on dialogue found in the chapter. It's an idea I got from the show Power on Starz where the creator names the episodes based on dialogue in the episode. I'm hoping it will work well and you guys will like it.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, 3 weeks later (Friday), 8 A.M.

Will groggily rolls over towards his nightstand and pulls his hand out from under the blanket to turn his alarm off.

He reaches his arm again and feels for his cell phone. He grabs it and hits the lock button on top of his iPhone and squints as the bright light comes on.

Will looks at his notifications. An email, a text from Jay, a reminder about picking up groceries tonight. But nothing from Brian. 

It’s been three weeks and he hasn’t heard from Brian at all. Will is worried about what this means, has Brian decided that he’s not worth a second chance? 

Will sighs and begrudgingly gets out of bed to get ready for work.

Scene: Chicago Med, 1 hour later (9 A.M.)

A smiling Connor walks into the break room where Natalie is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other.

“Someone’s happy,” says Natalie as she takes a bite of her bagel.

“Good morning to you too,” says Connor as he pours himself a cup of coffee and sits next to her.

“What’s got you so happy?” inquires Natalie as she leans back in her chair.

“I had a date with Ralph last night,” responds Connor as he sips his coffee.

“Oh, right, the patient,” says Natalie remembering what he had told her. “How’d it go?”

“It was good, he’s a cool guy” says Connor unable to suppress a grin. “And the sex was pretty great.”

“So are you happy because the sex was so good?” asks a joking Natalie.

“No, although I’m not complaining about it,” says Connor still grinning. “I’m happy because for the first time in forever, I finally feel like I’m being myself. You know about me, Maggie knows about me, I had a date last night. It’s such a freeing feeling to start owning who I am and walking in my truth.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” says Natalie as she finishes her bagel and smiles at him. “So are you going to see Ralph again?”

Will walks in as Connor is about to answer. He gives them a look and casually says good morning before walking over to his locker.

“I don’t know,” says Connor in response to Natalie’s question. She gives him a look motioning to Will, but he motions with his hand that it’s ok. “I’m not hiding anymore.”

Natalie is surprised, but glad to see Connor is being so calm about this. Little does she know that Connor wants Will to hear this..

“I might see Ralph again,” says Connor speaking loud enough in hopes Will will hear him. “He and I are very different, but there’s some chemistry between us. Plus I haven’t had sex in months and Ralph really knew what he was doing.”

Connor can hear Will cough as those last words come out of his mouth. Mission accomplished.

“Well hey,” says Natalie as she stands up. “As long as you’re happy. I have to start my morning rounds, let me know what you want to order for lunch.”

Connor nods as Natalie walks out.

Will walks back to the front of the break room and, bagel in hand, leans against the counter and faces Connor.

“I couldn’t help overhearing,” starts Will trying to find the right words that won’t make him sound jealous. “You talking about Ralph. How’s he feeling?”

“Good,” says Connor not looking up at Will. “His dizzy spells have stopped and he’s gotten the hang of managing his blood sugar levels.”

“That’s good,” says Will as he takes a bite of his bagel. “So do you like him?”

“That’s a pretty personal question,” says Connor finally looking up at Will. “Especially for someone who’s not my friend and claims not to care about me in any way.”

“I just…” starts Will fumbling with his words. “He was…he was my patient too…so I was just wondering is all. I shouldn’t have asked, sorry.”

He clumsily puts his coffee down and walks out unable to face Connor or his shame. He’s jealous and he knows it.

Connor watches Will walk out and smiles a little. Will likes him, he knows it.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, 1 P.M.

Jay opens the door thinking it’s the plumber. “Finally, I called you about the sink…”

He stops himself when he sees Brian standing there. “Oh, hi Brian. Sorry, I thought you were the plumber.”

Brian smiles politely. “Hi Jay. Is Will here?”

“No, he’s at work,” says Jay leaning on the door. “I’m off today so he has me waiting for the plumber. Do you want to come in?”

“I probably shouldn’t,” says a hesitant Brian. 

“Come on, I could use some company,” says Jay hoping Brian will say yes.

“Alright,” says a still hesitant Brian as Jay smiles and ushers him inside.

“Can I get you anything?” asks Jay as they walk into the kitchen.

“I’m good, thanks,” says a tense Brian as Jay motions for him to sit at the counter and grabs himself a water. “I know you know Jay, you don’t have to act like that isn’t why you invited me in.”

Jay sits across from Brian at the counter and puts his pointer and middle fingers up. “Guilty.”

They both laugh a little which breaks some of the tension. 

“Look,” says Jay as he leans forward. “I don’t want to get in the middle of what’s going on with you and my brother, but I can’t pretend that I’m not concerned.”

“Wait,” says Brian putting his hand up. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Of course not,” says Jay making a confused face. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“I don’t know,” says Brian starting to ramble. “For initiating this break between me and Will.”

“The only person I’m mad at is Will for how he treated you,” says a genuine Jay. “I understand why you wanted to take a break. Based on what Will told me, I’m actually surprised you didn’t break up with him.”

Brian sits there in shock. Will had actually told his brother the truth.

“To be honest, I’m really surprised that Will told you the truth,” says Brian a hint of anger evident in his voice. “I know he’s your brother and I don’t wanna talk shit about him, but I expected him to spin it and make himself out to be the victim.”

“Hey, I’m the first one to call Will out on his shit because he is my brother,” says Jay trying to make Brian understand. “And spinning something in his favor is something he would do. But when he told me what happened, he made himself out to be the bad guy for what he did. It was wrong of him to not be honest with you about being ready for a public relationship. And I thought the most fucked up part was how he was trying to manipulate you into being his secret boyfriend. I know what having to keep your relationship a secret is like. When I first started dating my partner, we had to keep it a secret because our boss didn’t approve and it sucked. I know it’s not the same, but it makes me understand how unfair and disrespectful it was of Will to want you to be his secret.”

“Wow Jay,” says a floored Brian. “I have to say that I didn’t expect you to be so understanding. I mean it’s not like you know me very well.”

“I might not know you well,” says Jay sipping his water. “But I can see how much you care about Will and how happy you make him, which is all that matters to me. Plus, like I said, I'm the first to call Will out when he’s wrong and I laid into him about how stupid he was to hurt you like this.”

Brian smiles at Jay. He really is the good guy Will’s always made him out to be.

“I don’t want to pry,” says Jay tapping his fingers on the counter. “But have you decided anything about Will?”

“I don’t know,” says Brian sighing. “I really care about him, but the things he did, it was like I didn’t even recognize him anymore. He changed into this person who was lying to me and trying to manipulating me. Even if I could forgive him, I don’t know if I’d ever be able to trust him again.”

“I understand, trust is a difficult thing to rebuild,” says Jay nodding. “For what it’s worth, he’s been pretty broken up. He knows he handled everything wrong and I think he’s scared he’s lost you forever.”

Jay’s last words echo in his head. ‘He’s scared he’s lost you forever.’ Does Brian want to lose Will? 

“I can’t promise anything,” starts Brian before trailing off.

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” says Jay putting his hands up. “I shouldn’t haven even said anything. I want Will to be happy, but I understand more than anyone that sometimes our own actions can cost us our happiness.”

“I have to get back to work, but thanks Jay,” says Brian stands up and extends his hand to Jay.

“No problem,” says Jay as he gets up and shakes Brian's hand. “Do you want me to tell Will you stopped by?”

“I think I’m gonna contact him myself,” says Brian as he checks his pocket for his phone. “But thanks.”

“I hope it all works out,” says Jay as Brian walks towards the door. “Take care of yourself Brian.”

“You too,” says Brian as he walks out of the apartment. 

Jay sits back down. Brian is a nice guy and he hopes he and Will can figure things out.

Scene: Chicago Med, 7 P.M.

Will is walking out, shift over, when he feels his phone vibrating in his coat pocket.

He pulls his phone out and sees a text from Brian.

Brian: Hey Will. I went by your apartment earlier looking for you, but your brother said you were working. I’d like to see you and talk, maybe tonight if you’re free.

Will holds his phone in his hands and pauses. He’s glad to hear from Brian, he’s ready to make this right.

Will: I’m just getting off work, maybe we can meet at the promenade around 8.

… Will feels his heart skip a beat as he sees those three dots and waits for Brian’s response.

Brian: That’s good, see you then.

Will gets in his car anxious to get home, change, and go see Brian.

Scene: Promenade, 8 P.M.

Brian is sitting on one of the benches waiting for Will. It’s a relatively cold night so no one’s really around.

“Brian,” calls Will as he walks towards Brian.

Brian stands up and gives a small smile when Will approaches him.

“It’s good to see you,” says Will trying to get a read on Brian’s emotions. “I was glad to get your text.”

“Yeah, well it’s been three weeks,” says Brian putting his hands in his jacket. “And I figured it was time we talked.”

“Can I start?” asks Will as he makes a motion for Brian to sit. “I wanna get all this off my chest before I lose the nerve.”

“Yeah, go ahead,” says Brian as he sits back down and Will sits next to him.  
“Brian, you are the best thing that’s happened to me in so long,” says Will as he turns to face Brian. For the first time, someone saw me for who I was and accepted me and liked me for it. I spent so much of my life hiding the fact that I’m gay and once we started dating, I got scared because you made me so happy that I didn’t want to hide anymore. And that scared me because all I’ve ever known was how to hide. That turned me into this fearful, insecure person who was willing to do whatever necessary in order to hold on to the one good thing in my life. And that included lying and manipulating, which was completely wrong of me and I am so sorry for that. I acted like I didn’t care about your feelings, which is so far from the truth, because I care about you so much. I want to be with you Brian and make this relationship work. I want to rebuild our bond, rebuild the trust between us, and have a normal public relationship like everyone else. I’m ready for it.”

Brian sits silently for a minute absorbing Will’s words. Clearly affected, he has single tears forming in his eyes.

“Will,” says a gentle Brian as chokes back tears. “I believe you when you say you’re sorry and when you say you know what you did was wrong. And I can forgive you for that. But, I…I can’t trust you again. And I can’t believe that you’re ready for a normal relationship. You think you are, but you’re really not.”

“What?!” cries Will as he stands up. “No, no, no! I just…I just bared my heart to you like I never have to anyone before. I apologized, I told you that I want to be with you.”

“And you think that’s just gonna make it all better?” asks an angry Brian as he stands up with tears still in his eyes. “I was falling for you, letting my walls down, and opening up to you. I trusted you and you stomped all over my heart. All you had to do was be honest with me about how you were feeling, we could’ve figured it out together, but instead you lied. How do you ever expect me to trust you again? To open my heart to you again?”

Overcome with emotion, Brian sits back down.

“Brian,” says Will with single tears start flowing from his eyes. “Please, I am so sorry. I can change, I can be different. I can be who you want me to be.”

“I never told you about my ex-boyfriend,” says Brian as he looks up at Will with glossy eyes. “We were together for over a year and he came out for me, for our relationship. And it was great at first. But eventually the reality set in and he started to resent me for pushing him out of the closet when he wasn’t ready. He became distant and angry, I could feel the strain on our relationship.”

Single tears are falling down Brian’s cheeks at this point. “Then one day I found him in bed with another guy. It was the final nail in our relationship’s coffin and I was utterly destroyed. Getting over him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And I won’t let the same thing happen again. I won’t be the reason you come out of the closet because it’ll just wind up hurting us both in the end.”

Will is holding back his own tears. “I’m sorry that happened, but you have to believe that I would never resent you or cheat on you.”

“After what's happened, I don’t. I can’t,” says Brian sniffling as he looks down. “I’m leaving Will.”

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” asks a confused Will.

“When I got back from lunch today, my boss called me into her office,” explains Brian as he takes a deep breath to calm himself. “My company is opening a new office in New York and they want me to run it. My boss has been so impressed with my work since my promotion that she recommended me to corporate as the manager for the New York office. She called me in to tell me that they reviewed my work and are offering me the job. I accepted, I leave in 2 days.”

“Wait, so you just accepted without talking to me?” asks Will with a hint of indignation in his voice. 

“There was nothing to talk about,” says Brian icily as he meets Will’s eyes. “I had to do what was best for myself and put my desires first. Just like you did by lying to me.”

Ouch, that hurt. Brian really knows how to hit him where it hurts.

“So,” says Will as he crosses his arms over his chest as single tears are falling from his eyes. “That’s just it?”

“Looks like,” says Brian with sadness evident in his voice. He stands up and puts his hands in his pockets. “Of all the directions I saw our relationship going, this was never one of them. I really had so much hope for us Will.”

“Me too,” says Will wiping away his tears. “I’m sorry Brian, you deserve so much better and I hope you find it.”

“Thanks Will,” says Brian sniffling as his red eyes from crying are easy to see. “I hope you find your way.”

Brian solemnly walks away. Will sits down on the bench and puts his head in his hands and lets the tears flow. He’s such a fuck up, what is wrong with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 chapters down and here we are, I remember when this story was just one chapter I was trying to piece together. Thank you to everyone for the support. Please keep reviewing and letting me know what you think. I particularly want to hear from you guys now that things have changed at the end of this chapter so I know your thoughts on what've you liked so far, what you want to see more of/changed, and any suggestions.


	11. I Must’ve Been Out of My Mind

Scene: Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Saturday), 8 A.M.

Will wakes up on the couch and when he open his eyes, he sees that he is still dressed in the clothes he was wearing last night. He was so upset after Brian broke up with him last night that he called Jay to come over. His brother’s presence was comforting.

“Good morning,” says Jay alerting his brother to his presence.

Will sits up and sees his brother sitting at the kitchen counter.

“Morning Jay,” says Will as he shakes the sleep off. “How long have you been up?”

“About a half hour,” says Jay as he sips his coffee. “I went out to get some bagels. How are you feeling?”

“Better than I was last night,” says Will as he stands up and goes to pour himself a cup of coffee. “Thanks for being here Jay, I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Of course, that’s what brothers are for,” says Jay as he turns to face Will. “Although I have to say that I haven’t seen you an emotional wreck like that in a long time. What happened?”

Will leans against the counter and looks down into his coffee cup. “Brian broke up with me last night, he said he can’t trust me anymore. He’s moving to New York on Monday.”

“Oh wow,” says a surprised Jay. “I’m sorry to hear that. He didn’t say anything to me about moving when I spoke to him.”

“You spoke to him?” asks Will looking up at his brother.

“Yeah,” says Jay sheepishly. “He came by looking for you yesterday when I was waiting for the plumber so I invited him in to get a feel for where his head was at. But judging by the looking on your face, I think that might’ve been a mistake.”

“No, it’s fine,” says Will taking a sip of his coffee. “I appreciate you looking out for me like always. I’ve just really upset. I had such a great guy and I totally fucked it up.”

“We’re all human and we all make mistakes,” says Jay as Will sits across from him. “You just have to make sure that you take something away from all this. Let it mean something.”

“You mean aside from the fact that I’m a shitty person who lies and breaks hearts?” asks a dejected Will.

“I’m serious,” says Jay trying to meet his brother’s eyes. “I know what it feels like to hurt someone. Before Erin, I used to fuck up with girls and relationships all the time. But I took all of that and I used it to grow and change and become a better person. I couldn’t change what I did, but it made me want to learn from my mistakes so I never did that to someone again. You have to do the same.”

“You mean let what I did to Brian be the impetus to fixing myself?” asks Will trying to follow Jay’s train of thought.

“Yes, exactly,” says Jay nodding in affirmation.

“I guess I can try,” says Will putting his elbows on the counter and leaning on them. “I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t even know why I lied to Brian or treated him so bad. It was just instinct.”

“You have to work on figuring that out,” says Jay taking a bite of his bagel. “Being a cop has taught me the importance of self-reflection and understanding ones own feelings.”

Before Will can say another word, there is a knock on his apartment door.

“Who could that be?” asks Will as he gets up to answer it. “You’re already here.”

Will opens the door and is surprised to see Erin.

“Erin, hey,” says Will as he opens the door wider.

“Have you seen…” starts Erin who sees Jay and walks over to him. “There you are.”

Will shuts the door and walks over to see Erin and Jay hugging.

“Where were you last night?” asks Erin as they break their hug. “You didn’t answer answer any of my calls or texts, I was worried.”

“That’s my fault,” says Will as Erin turns to face him. “I had a rough night last night and I called Jay to come over. He was here all night.”

“Is everything ok?” asks Erin as she looks between the brothers.

Jay gives Will a look signifying that it’s up to him what to tell Erin.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” says Will scratching his arm. “I just…I had a tough breakup last night and I didn’t wanna be alone.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says Erin as Jay puts his arm around her. “Jay never mentioned you had a girlfriend. How long were you seeing her?”

Jay gives Will another look to signify that this is all him.

“Erin, it wasn’t a girl,” says a shaky Will as he takes a deep breath. “It was a guy, I’m gay.”

Erin gives him a small smile.

“Thank you for being honest with me, I know that sharing something like that isn’t easy,” says a gentle Erin as she walks closer to Will. “I want you to know that I support you one hundred percent. Being gay is as natural as being straight and I’ve never understood why people make such a big deal out of it. We’re all human, love is love, and everyone should be free to be who they are.”

Will smiles at her as he feels the emotion starting to build up. “Thanks Erin.”

“Come here,” says Erin as she leans in to hug Will who now has single tears dripping down his face. “It's ok Will, let it out. I know how emotional sharing this is.”

They break the hug and Will wipes away his tears.

“Did you know Jay?” asks Erin as she faces her boyfriend.

“I did,” says Jay. “I’ve known for a few weeks.”

“He was the first person I’ve ever told,” says Will holding back more tears. “And he was so understanding and supportive. Everything a brother could ask for.”

“I’m glad you were able to confide in Jay,” says Erin as she reaches out to touch Will’s hand. “And thank you confiding in me, I am always here whenever you need anything.”

Will smiles as fresh tears start pouring out. He never knew coming out would be so emotional.

“So, who was the guy?” asks Erin as she walks over to Jay and sits on his lap. “Do I need to go out and arrest him for hurting you?”

They all laugh at her joke.

“His name’s Brian,” says Will as he sits down on the couch. “He’s a great guy. And he didn’t hurt me, I was the one who hurt him. I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself.”

“If you find out the why,” says Erin trying to be helpful. “Sometimes finding out why you did something helps. Understanding your actions can help lead to forgiving yourself.”

Will nods and they continue talking.

Scene: Chicago Med, 3 days later (Monday), 11 A.M.

Will is sitting in the break room grateful to be at work so he can distract himself. He’s still feeling pretty shitty about how he treated Brian and their breakup. 

Natalie and Connor walk into the break room chatting and see Will.

“Hey Will,” says Natalie as she walks over to her locker.

“Dr. Halstead,” says Connor awkwardly as he goes to sit down.

“Do you wanna get in on lunch with us later Will?” asks Natalie whose voice sounds a little distant because she is by her locker. “We’re ordering from the Mexican place down the block.”

“Uh,” stammers Will who looks at Connor whose back is to him. “Sure, that sounds good.”

Connor turns around and gives Will a strange look. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want anything to do with Connor and now he wants to join them for lunch?

“I have to go talk to Goodwin,” says Natalie as she walks towards the door. “Connor has the menu and knows what I want so you guys can order whenever you decide.”

Will braces himself and goes to sit down next to Connor who is looking at the menu.

“You’re full of surprises Will,” says Connor as he hands Will the menu. “One day you don’t want anything to do with me. And now here we are sitting together and deciding on lunch as if we’re friends.”

“Well, you know,” says Will looking at the menu unsure of what to say. “Things change. We do work together so maybe it’s for the best if we don’t hate each other.”

“I've never hated you Will,” says Connor gently trying to get Will to look at him. “Quite the opposite actually. But you made it pretty clear that you don’t feel anything for me.”

“Well maybe that’s one of the things that’s changed,” says Will as he looks up at Connor and meets his eyes.

Connor tentatively reaches out his hand and puts it on top of Will’s. He waits for Will to pull his hand away or push Connor’s away, but he does neither. They just look at each other as both feel the electricity in their touch. The hair on Connor’s arm is standing up and the hair on Will’s leg is standing up.

“I…” starts Will before the break room door opens and Ethan bursts in.

Will and Connor quickly pull their hands back before Ethan sees anything.

“There you guys are,” says Ethan noticing the menu. “Are you ready to order? I’m starving.”

Will and Connor look at each other awkwardly before they start talking to Ethan about lunch.

Scene: Chicago Med, 4 hours later, 4 P.M.

Will is walking on the fourth floor when he hears noises coming from one of the empty rooms.

He slowly opens the door a tiny drop and peeks in. He is shocked to see Connor and Ralph. Connor is sitting on the bed with his arms wrapped around a standing up Ralph’s waist.

“We really shouldn’t be in here,” says a nervous Connor looking around the room, but unable to see Will. “We could get caught.”

“What’s the point of all these empty hospital rooms if they don’t get used?” asks a flirty Ralph as he runs his hand through Connor’s hair. “Besides I couldn’t wait until tonight to see you and kiss you.”

Connor starts to protest, but Ralph puts a finger on his lips to silence him and then leans down to kiss him.

Connor deepens the kiss and pulls Ralph onto the bed with him. Why the fuck not?

Having seen enough, Will quietly closes the door and is overcome with emotions. Jealousy, anger, but most of all stupidity. He thought he and Connor had a moment earlier, how stupid he was. Connor clearly is only interested in Ralph now, Will was too late. Brian was gone and now Connor is too. What now?

Saddened, Will walks off to go back to work.

Scene: Chicago Med, Rooftop, 7 P.M.

Will, done with his shift, is standing on the rooftop thinking about the events of the day when he hears to the door to the roof open.

Connor walks through the door and when he sees Will, he walks over to him.

“I was just leaving,” says Will as he turns around and begins to walk off.

“Will, wait,” says Connor as he reaches out his hand and touches Will’s shoulder.

“I told you to never touch me again Dr. Rhodes,” says an angry Will as he pushes Connor’s hand away and turns around to face him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” asks a defensive Connor. “You had no problem with me touching your hand earlier.”

“I must’ve been out of my mind,” replies Will as he puts his hands in his jacket pockets. “I never want you to touch me ever again.”

“I’m confused,” says Connor as he starts pacing. “I thought we had a moment earlier before Ethan walked in.”

“We had nothing of the sort,” retorts a snotty Will. “The only one you’re having moments with is Ralph in empty hospital rooms.”

Connor is taken aback. “You saw us? How? The fourth floor was empty.”

“It wasn’t hard,” replies an irritated Will. “Using empty hospital rooms to make out with your boyfriend is just great use of the hospital Dr. Rhodes.”

Connor crosses his arms over his chest. “First of all, he’s not my boyfriend. And what, are you spying on me now? Is that how jealous you are?”

“I am not jealous,” says Will emphasizing his words. “And I wasn't spying, I just happened to walk by.”

“Bullshit,” says Connor as he feels his blood starting to boil. “You are completely jealous. You heard me talking to Natalie about Ralph last week and you suddenly asked me if I liked him. And now you’re getting all bent out of shape over seeing me and Ralph together.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” says Will whose voice is slowly starting to lower because he knows Connor is right.

“I don’t get you Will,” says Connor his voice rising. “I kiss you, I tell you I like you, but you blow me off and tell me you don’t feel the same way. And now you’re acting like this. Why can’t you just be honest about how you feel?”

“Because I don’t do honesty!” shouts Will to Connor’s surprise. “I don’t know how. I can’t be honest about who I am, I can't be honest with my boyfriend, I can’t be honest about my feelings. Honesty is too hard for me, it’s too…scary.”

Will’s voice starts to trail off as tears form in his eyes.

“My whole life I’ve been lying about who I am and what I feel. No one could ever know I was gay and into guys, lying became second nature,” says a hysterical Will through tears. “I walled up my heart so I would never get close to anyone. How could I ever be close to someone when I can’t tell them the most important thing about who I am?”

Connor is floored by this display of emotion. He doesn’t know how to respond.

“I lied to my boyfriend,” says Will screaming through his tears. “I broke his heart and destroyed our relationship. All because of you Connor.”

…To Be Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review and I'd appreciate if anyone could please let me know how old they think Connor, Will, Jay, and Erin are.


	12. What The Hell Just Happened?

Scene: Chicago Med, Rooftop, continued

“What do you mean because of me?” asks a confused Connor.

“Because I couldn’t face my feelings for you!” says a hysterical Will unable to stand still. “I’ve liked you for months Connor for some reason that baffles me to no end. I tried so hard brush it off as infatuation and then you kissed me and told me you liked me. That made everything become real, too real. You reciprocated my feelings and I… I couldn’t deal. You match me in ego and arrogance, it’s so crazy that we like each other. I couldn’t accept it so I buried myself in my relationship and did whatever it took to hold onto my boyfriend. Even when it meant lying and manipulation. And all I did was destroy my boyfriend, our relationship, and myself! All because of you.”

Will finally stands still and leans against the side of the roof trying to compose himself and take in what just happened. This is…this is unbelievable. He’s known why he lied to Brian all along, he just wasn’t self-aware enough or in touch with his emotions enough until now. Holy shit.

“Will, I,” starts Connor as he starts to walk towards towards him.

“No, get away,” says Will as he moves away. “I can’t do this, I have to go.”

Will runs to the door and leaves the roof leaving Connor standing there trying to process everything. What the hell just happened?

Downstairs, Will is rushing to his car and fumbles to get his keys out of his pocket when he is spotted by Erin.

“Will,” says Erin as she approaches him. “Are you ok?”

“Erin,” says Will finally getting his keys out of his pocket. “What are you doing here?”

“I had dinner with Reese,” says Erin noticing how red Will’s eyes are. “Have you been crying? Your eyes are all red.”

“What?” asks Will trying to register what she asked him. His mind is still racing from what happened on the roof. “No, I’m…I’m fine.”

“You are not fine,” says Erin as she grabs his hands which are shaking. “Your hands are shaking.”

“I’m fine,” says Will as he turns to puts his key in his car door. “I just have to get home.”

“I can’t let you drive Will,” says Erin as she gently reaches for his keys. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you are in no condition to drive.”

“I have to…I have to get home,” says Will blinking back tears. “I can’t…Erin, it’s too much. I can’t.”

Unsure of what to say, Erin pulls Will into a hug and he cries on her shoulder. 

“Shh, it’s ok,” says Erin trying to soothe him by rubbing his back. “Whatever it is, I’m here. I’ll give you a ride home and it’ll be ok.”

They break the hug and he nods at her with tears in his eyes. This all has been too much, Will’s emotions are so frazzled, and he cannot control them.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Tuesday), 8 A.M.

Jay and Erin are sitting in the living room. Erin drove Will home last night and called Jay on their way. Jay helped Erin get Will inside, but Will didn’t say anything on the ride to his apartment or once they got back there; he just went right to bed. Erin and Jay spent the night in the guest room.

“And his hands were shaking and his eyes were all red,” says Erin facing Jay. “He just said it was too much and he couldn’t it. But he wasn’t specific.”

“I think this break up hurt him more than he’s been letting on,” says Jay looking towards Will's bedroom. “I know he’s trying to be strong, but I think all the pain has been eating away at him.”

“If that’s the case,” reasons Erin. “Then maybe he just cracked last night. He did seem kind of hysterical for lack of a better term. It was like he just couldn’t control how he was feeling.”

“I’m really worried about him Erin,” says a concerned Jay. “The only time I’ve ever seen him such a wreck like this is when our mom died.”

“Will’s strong,” says Erin as she grabs Jay’s hand. “He’ll get through this. You and I will make sure of it.”

Jay squeezes Erin’s hand and smiles at her. How did he get so lucky to find someone with such a big heart like her?

Meanwhile, in Will’s bedroom, his eyes open as he takes notice of where he is. His bed, how comfortable. He looks down and sees he is only wearing a pair of boxers. 

Will sits up as the events of last night come rushing back to him and lays back down. He just broke down last night. When he was talking to Connor, everything came rushing to the surface and he couldn’t push it down. On some level, he had always known why he lied to Brian, but he was not allowing himself to be in touch with his true emotions to admit it himself. Will never wanted to realize it in front of Connor like that, but when Connor started talking about honesty, something inside Will snapped and everything came to the surface. He’s so embarrassed at how hysterical he had become in front of Connor, talk about a hot mess.

Will sighs and just wishes he could lay in bed. He knows that Erin and his brother are outside waiting for him. It was a good thing Erin saw him before he got in his car, he was in no state to drive. How could he possibly explain all this to them though?

He gets out of bed and puts some clothes on and then walks out of his room where he finds Erin and Jay sitting at the kitchen counter.

“There he is,” says a cheerful Erin as she and Jay watch Will walk over to the fridge. “How are you feeling?”

“Alright,” says Will as he pours himself some orange juice and joins them at the counter. “Thanks for driving me home Erin, I was too hysterical to be behind the wheel.”

Erin gives him a small smile.

“What happened last night?” asks a concerned Jay as he puts his hands on the counter. “I was really worried when Erin called.”

“I just,” starts Will unsure of how much he wants to share. “I had an epiphany about my feelings and the whole Brian situation. Something inside me snapped and while it helped me realize the truth, it also fucked up my emotions.”

Jay gives his brother a weary look unhappy with the lack of information.

“Do you care to share?” says Jay as he looks at Erin. “I don’t wanna pry, but you’re my brother and it’s really hurting me to see you like this.”

Will takes a deep breath wanting to say enough so Jay stops worrying. “I realized that I was using Brian as an escape to hide from what I feel about someone else. I was too afraid to admit how I felt for this other guy so I threw myself into my relationship with Brian to forget my feelings. I lied to Brian to ensure we stayed together and that I never had to own my other feelings.”

There is silence for about two minutes as Jay takes in what his brother said.

“I’ve done that,” says Erin chiming in. “I was dating a guy a few years ago because I couldn’t admit to myself that I liked someone I was working with. It didn’t end well.”

“Are you mad at me Jay?” asks Will acknowledging his brother’s silence.

“No, I’m not mad,” says Jay looking at Will. “I just wish it had ended differently. Brian really cared about you Will.”

“I know,” says Will dejectedly as he looks down. “I can never take back what I did to him. But I won’t let myself do that to again ever again.”

“Is this other guy the one you had mentioned a while back?” asks Jay remembering.

“Yeah,” says Will as he sips his orange juice. “I never realized I liked him so much.”

“So what are you gonna do about those feelings?” asks Erin trying not to pry as she knows there’s a reason Will hasn’t mentioned this guy’s name.

“I don’t know,” says Will tapping his fingers on the counter. “But hopefully I’ll figure it out.”

Scene: Chicago Med, 10 A.M.

Connor is standing at the front desk filling out paperwork, but unable to concentrate. All he can think about is what happened with Will last night. Was everything Will said true? Did Will really date, and subsequently hurt, another guy because he couldn’t deal with his feelings for Connor?

Connor feels his phone vibrate and pulls it out of his pocket to see a text from Will.

Will: Hey, I’m sorry about running off last night. Do you think we can meet tonight and talk when you get off?

Connor quickly types his response, glad that Will reached out to him.

Connor: Yeah, I get off at 6:30. Where do you want to meet?

….Connor’s hates seeing those three dots when he’s waiting for important texts.

Will: How about Grant Park at 7?

Connor: I’ll be there.

Connor puts his phone back in his pocket wishing it was already time to go meet Will.

Scene: Grant Park, 7 P.M.

Will is sitting on a park bench anxiously waiting for Connor to arrive. Luckily January’s in Chicago are cold so no one is around.

He looks up when he hears footsteps as Connor approaches him.

“Thanks for coming,” says a nervous Will as he stands up to face Connor. 

Connor gives him a small smile. 

“Can we sit?” asks Will as he motions to the bench.

“Sure,” says Connor as they both take a seat.

“So,” says Connor looking down at his fingers as he tries to find the right thing to say “Are you feeling better than you were last night?”

“I am, thanks,” says Will as he turns to face Connor. “I want to apologize for last night. I don’t know what came over me, but something inside me snapped and I just started ranting. And everything I was saying, I never wanted you to find out while I was in such a hysterical state like that. Hell, it was the first time I was self-aware enough to admit it to myself too. I’m so embarrassed that you had to see me like that and that you had to find out about my feelings for you like that. But once you started talking about honesty, I just lost control of myself.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” says Connor looking up at Will. “I could see how much pain you were in and how surprised you were by your own words. Sometimes our emotions just overtake us so there’s nothing to be sorry for. But I have to ask, was everything that you said true? About how you lied to your boyfriend because of me?”

Will takes a deep breath to prepare himself to respond.

“It was true, all of it,” says Will carefully choosing his words, but knowing he needs to lay it all out. “Like I said, I never realized any of it myself until last night because I wasn’t allowing myself to admit the truth. But my feelings for you, and having them reciprocated, really scared me. Without even trying, you’ve had such an effect on me and allowing myself to give into those feelings terrified me. I’ve never been good with vulnerability and I didn’t like how vulnerable my feelings for you made me. So I went full throttle into my relationship to hide from the reality of you liking me too. And in trying to hold on that, I lied to my boyfriend and even tried to manipulate him into staying with me. Running from my feelings from you made me hurt my boyfriend and destroyed our relationship, he didn’t deserve any of that.”

Connor sits there and allows himself to absorb Will’s words. 

“Will, I,” says a gentle Connor trying to find the right words. “I never would’ve guessed that you had such strong feelings for me. Feelings that you felt you had to run from. The last thing I ever wanted was to be the reason someone else got caught up in this and wound up getting up. I’ve liked you for a while and I think it’s because we match in ego and arrogance as you put it yesterday. I understand that being vulnerable and honest can be scary, I’ve never been good with either of them myself. I’ve spent my whole life in the closet and after long enough of lying about who you are, you learn to close up your heart so no one ever gets close enough to see the real you and walk away because of it.”

Will looks at Connor unsure of what to say. Maybe they’re more alike than he thought.

“I understand exactly what you’ve been feeling,” says Connor as he faces Will. “The pain, the struggle, the self-hate, you start to question whether or not something’s wrong with you for being born like this. But what I’ve started to realize recently is that this is how I was born and I can’t change it. It’s the same for you Will. We’re both gay because that’s how we were made, it’s natural, and nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I’ve been disgusted by myself my whole life,” says Will whose voice is shaky with emotion. “I never wanted to let someone into my life for them to leave me when they found out I’m gay. I learned how to harden my heart and keep people at arm’s length. That’s why my feelings for you scared me so much, I didn’t know how to let you in and let you see the real me. The mess of closet case I am, I never would’ve been good enough for you.”

“You should’ve asked, you would’ve found out that I’m the same mess of a closet case that you are,” says Connor trying to make a joke to lighten the mood. “We’re more alike than I think either of us ever realized.”

Will laughs a little and Connor smiles.

“I wish you had just talked to me,” says Connor as he meets Will's eyes. “We could’ve figured this all out instead of you diving into a relationship to forget how you felt about me. Although I understand the impulse to run. I feel like I need to apologize.”

“For what?” asks a confused Will trying to hold back tears.

“Because I’m partially to blame for all of this,” says a remorseful Connor. “I sprung my feelings on you suddenly with an out of the blue kiss. We didn’t talk about it or anything, I just kissed you, and then expected you to be ready to return my feelings. That was unfair and presumptuous on my part and I’m sorry for that. I’m also sorry that I made you feel like you wouldn’t be good enough for me and that I’m the reason you hurt someone who was innocent in all of this. This always should’ve just been between you and me.”

Will is unable to stop single tears from dripping down his cheeks.

“Hey, don’t cry,” says Connor as he gently reaches his hand to wipe away Will’s tears. “I know this has been such a shitty situation, but I'm glad we’ve finally been honest about how we feel. Now that we’re on the same page we can figure out how to move forward.”

“How do we do that?” asks Will sniffling. “Besides, aren’t you dating Ralph?”

“I ended it with him this morning,” says Connor looking at Will. “He’s a cool guy, but he's not the handsome red haired doctor sitting in front of me showing me his vulnerable side.”

Will manages a small smile at the compliment.

“You’ve been through an emotional roller coaster with everything that’s happened with your ex-boyfriend,” says Connor trying to be rationale. “And that needs to be respected. Once the dust has settled and there’s been healing and acceptance, you and I can start fresh. Assuming you want that.”

“I do,” says Will looking at Connor. “But you’re right, I need some time to grapple with everything and get my head on straight.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” says Connor reassuringly. “Plus, you know where I work.”

Will laughs. “Thanks Connor.”

Connor gives him a small smile and walks off.

Will leans back on the bench and closes his eyes. Finally a glimmer of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	13. I Wanna Do This Right

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, 2 weeks later (late February 2016), Sunday, 2 P.M.

Connor is sitting on his couch wearing just his boxers and a wifebeater. It’s been a lazy Sunday; he slept late, made himself eggs for breakfast, and just finished some pizza he went down the block to get.

He is texting Will, something they started doing on a regular, non-work related basis last week. He’s wanted to give Will space to heal and grapple with everything so they’ve just been exchanging innocent text messages. Although Connor smiles like an idiot every time he gets a text from Will. He plans on asking Will on an official first date, he thinks that’s a good place to start.

Connor hears a knock on his apartment door and gets up to answer it.

He opens the door and is surprised to see his sister Claire.

“Claire,” says Connor only opening the door enough to let his head through since he’s not really dressed. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t like how we left things last time,” says Claire giving him a strange look since the door isn’t really open. “Can we talk?”

“Just a second,” says Connor as he shuts the door and runs to put some clothes on.

“Come in,” says Connor as he opens the door all the way and ushers her inside.

“So are you here to apologize?” asks Connor as he shuts the door and turns around to face his sister.

“I was actually going to give you a chance to apologize,” says Claire as a matter of fact.

“Me?” asks a surprised Connor. “For what?”

“For the way you spoke to me,” says Claire putting her hands in her pockets. “And the way you treated me. All I was trying to do was to get you to be honest with me and you vilified me for it.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” asks an irritated Connor not believing his ears. “You’re the one who owes me an apology for tricking me into telling you I’m gay.”

“I’m not sorry,” says a firm Claire. “It’s the only way you ever would’ve told me. You used to tell me everything, but you felt that you had to keep the biggest part of yourself a secret from me.”

“You are just unbelievable Claire,” says Connor as he angrily throws his hands up. “Everything is always about you, you’re such a self-righteous bitch. This secret is something I’ve kept to myself my whole life because I was ashamed. I already told you that we stopped being close because of how immature and materialistic you are. Why would I trust you with the most important thing about who I am when I didn’t even want to talk to you or look at you?”

“When mom died,” starts Claire swallowing hard to choke back the emotion. “You just up and went to Mexico. Why? What did dad and I do to deserve that?”

“Don’t you dare,” shouts Connor pointing his finger at his sister as he holds back his own emotion. The mere mention of his mother stirs something in him. “I loved mom more than anything, she was the only person in this family that truly loved me. Dad was too busy being dad and you were too busy spending his money and showing the world how rich our family is. Mom listened to me, mom cared for me, and I didn’t even know, but one day she told me that she always knew I was gay. And like mom always did, she made it all ok. She was sweet and understanding and supportive. Mom was the first person who ever saw the real me.” 

Connor takes a deep breath as a tear drips down his cheek. “She was the only person in this family who would accept me and love me for who I am. Mom reassured me that she would always have my back and when she…when she took her life, I was destroyed. I didn’t know how I would ever move on. So I ran away to Mexico because I knew you and dad could never accept me the way mom did. I’m not perfect and I know it wasn’t my finest moment. I came back but even when I did, I knew you and dad were too narrow-minded for me to tell my secret to.”

“I am not nothing like that,” says Claire taken aback by the insinuation. “Dad might be close-minded and judgmental, but that’s not me. I’m offended that you would even say that.”

“Spare me the bullshit,” snaps Connor glaring at his sister. “I heard you talking to cousin John about his gay stepson Andrew. Do you remember what you said? Because I do. You said that fags were a disgrace and that dad taught you growing that gay people would burn in hell. And you said that you agreed. Hell is where they belonged because homosexuality, two men and two women together, was completely repulsive and disgusting.”

“Connor, I,” starts Claire unsure of what to say.

“Don’t bother,” says Connor sarcastically as he rolls his eyes. “I see through all the bullshit you try to sell me, I know who you are Claire. So all those times you wondered why I never told you about being gay, you now have your answer. And you’re the one who has to live with that, not me.”

“I’m sorry Connor,” says Claire at a loss for words. “You were never supposed to hear me saying that. What I was saying didn’t apply to you, even though I didn’t know you were gay at the time.”

“Of course it applied to me,” says Connor raising his voice in anger. “It’s how you feel about gay people. I was confused about who I was and to hear my own sister say those things…that was when I realized I didn’t know you anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” says Claire looking down in shame.

“Don’t bother apologizing because I don’t believe you’re sorry,” says Connor coldly as he walks towards the door and opens it. “Get out of my apartment.”

Claire solemnly walks towards the door and stands in the threshold. “I never meant to hurt you Connor.”

“Well, it’s a little too late for that,” says Connor as Claire steps to the other side of the theeshold. “Consider this the end. Don’t ever come to my apartment or my job again, you and I are done.”

Before Claire can say another word, Connor closes the door in her face.

What a fucking bitch, how dare she come into his apartment and act like that. To think him and his sister used to be close when they were younger, at least Connor’s now rid of her for good.

Scene: Molly’s, 7 P.M.

Will is sitting with Erin and Jay having drinks. For the first time in his life, he feels like he has two people that understand and accept him for who he is.

“And now we have these patient satisfaction forms,” says Will as he takes a sip of his beer. “I don’t know what the hospital was thinking when they implemented them, but a lady gave me a bad review last week because she didn’t like the color of my scrubs.”

Jay laughs. “Better get different color scrubs then brother.”

“Haha,” says Will mockingly. “Thankfully Goodwin doesn’t give them any weight, they’re just to please the board.”

Erin looks up and sees Natalie and Connor walk in.

“Look, it’s two more of our favorite Chicago doctors,” says Erin alerting Will and Jay to their presence. 

Will looks up and smiles when he sees Connor. He’s wearing a gray t-shirt, black jeans, and gray hoodie; Will likes how Connor looks in his casual clothes.

“Hey guys,” says Natalie as she and Connor walk over to their table. “Started without us?”

Connor smiles at Will thinking about their text messages.

“If we had known you were coming, we would’ve waited,” says Will as Connor and Natalie sit down to join them.

The five of them are seated with Erin, Jay, and Will on one side and Natalie and Connor on the other. Will is seated against the wall with Connor across from him, Erin is sitting in between Will and Jay across from Natalie, and Jay is sitting on the end next to Erin.

“I was just telling my brother and Erin about the patient satisfaction forms,” says Will talking to Connor and Natalie.

“Oh please, don’t get me started,” says Natalie putting her hands on the table. “Today Goodwin told me that this patient gave me a poor rating. Apparently not giving him my number meant that I’m not a good doctor.”

“I’ll see you and raise you,” says Connor chiming in. “Last week this lady gave me a bad rating because I called her ma’am. Apparently I offended her because she was too young to be a ma’am when I was just trying to be respectful.”

“I think that calls for drinks for you two,” says Jay as he stands up. “What are you guys drinking?”

“I’ll take a beer,” says Natalie.

“Scotch, neat,” says Connor.

“Be right back,” says Jay as he goes to order their drinks.

“How’s Owen doing?” asks Erin looking at Natalie.

“He’s good,” says Natalie smiling. “Getting bigger every day.”

As Erin and Natalie talk about Owen, Will gives Connor a look.

“Scotch neat, huh?” asks Will giving him a flirty smile.

“What can I say?” asks Connor in a joking yet flirty way. “I like my drinks classy.”

“I can see,” says Will as under the table he puts his foot on top of Connor’s.

Connor smiles at him and puts his other foot on top of Will’s other foot.

“Sorry for the wait,” says Jay as he puts the drinks on the table. “Busy night for a Sunday.”

Instinctively, Connor and Will pull their feet back so no one sees.

“Here you go,” says Jay as he passes Natalie and Connor their drinks.

“Thanks,” says Connor as he takes a sip of his scotch and Natalie smiles at Jay.

Scene: Outside Molly’s, 8:30 P.M.

Connor is in the back parking lot standing by his car. Everyone left except for Will and Connor is waiting for him to come out.

“Waiting for me?” asks Will as he walks over to Connor.

“Where’d you come from?” asks Connor looking around. “I was watching the back door and didn’t see you come out.”

“I walked out the front with Erin and my brother,” says Will as he smiles at Connor. “You look handsome tonight.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” says Connor giving him a flirty smile and putting his hand on Will’s shoulder. “Those eyes of yours are dazzling. I never noticed them until tonight when you were sitting across from me. Looking into them made me forget about the shitty stuff that happened today.”

“You’re gonna make me blush,” says Will who meets Connor’s eyes. “What shitty stuff happened today?”

“Go out with me tomorrow night and I’ll tell you about it,” says Connor who is instantly embarrassed when he realizes how terrible that sounds. “Sorry, that sounded way better in my head.”

“It’s alright,” says Will coyly. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Yes, I am. I wanna do this right and make sure we get a proper fresh start,” says Connor looking around to make sure no one sees them. “Would you like to go out on a date with me tomorrow night? I checked the shift sheet at the hospital and we’re both getting off early tomorrow.”

“Well if I wanna hear about what happened then I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” asks Will jokingly. “What’d you have in mind?”

“Leave that to me,” says Connor as Will reaches out for his hand. “I got you tomorrow night.”

“I’ll be in good hands then,” says Will as Connor squeezes his hand. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Goodnight,” says Connor as Will walks away.

“Goodnight,” calls Will.

Connor smiles and gets into his car. Tomorrow night will be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	14. A New Beginning

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, the next day (Monday), 6 P.M.

Connor cannot believe he fell asleep for over an hour. He got in from work a little after 4 and he laid down to close his eyes for maybe 45 minutes. Next thing he knew it was a quarter to 6. Of all the times to be too tired to be unable control falling asleep, it has to be the night of his first date with Will.

Connor walks into the bathroom and uses mouthwash. Looking in the mirror, he fixes his hair. It’s parted down in the middle and he uses a little water to push it back. He’s wearing light blue Express jeans and one of those Express t-shirts with the design on it; it’s dark blue and the design is of a lion with white stripes over it complimented by a dark blue Express hoodie and a navy blue jacket. What can he say? Connor likes the way the clothes from Express fit.

Deodorant? Check. Cologne? Check. Keys? Check. Packed picnic basket? Check. At least he had everything for the date ready, all he had to do was put himself together and he was able to do that quickly. Will should be here any minute. 

Connor walks into the kitchen and then hears a knock on his door.

He walks over and taking a deep breath, he opens it and sees Will. 

“Hey,” says Connor whose face lights up when he sees how handsome Will looks.. He is wearing a red button-down from Armani Exchange denoted by the logo, black Levi jeans, a gray American Eagle hoodie, and a black jacket. Connor can tell that Will’s jeans aren’t skinny jeans because the ankles are wide like his own; he’s glad he’s not the only one that can’t fit into skinny jeans. Will’s hair is pushed back a little, but still naturally messy which Connor likes. 

“Hey yourself,” says Will as Connor ushers him inside. He looks at Connor thinking that he looks great, blue is a good color on him. 

Will sees the picnic basket on the table. “Are we going on a picnic? You should’ve told me, I would’ve brought something.”

“No need,” says Connor as he grabs his keys and picks up the picnic basket. “I took care of everything. All you had to do was show up.”

“So where are we going?” asks Will curiously.

“Somewhere special,” says Connor giving him a small smile as he opens the door. “I told you Will, I got you. Don’t worry.”

“Alright,” says Will a bit sheepishly. He isn’t used to someone else taking control and setting things up. All his life he’s always been the one to take charge and do everything. Even in school when they were given group assignments, Will took the leader role because no one else would. Letting others do for him is new.

“Time for our date,” says Connor as he opens the door and motions with his head for them to leave.

Will puts his hands in his jacket pockets and steps outside Connor’s apartment.

“Should I meet you there?” asks an unsure Will who suddenly starts to feel nervous.

“Of course not silly,” says Connor laughing a little as he locks his apartment door. “My car is parked down the block. Wouldn’t be much of a date if I asked you to meet me here only for you to drive alone, would it?”

“I guess not,” says Will biting his lip. Connor’s right, that sounded stupid.

Will follows Connor down the block until they reach Connor’s car. A gray 2015 Hyundai Sonata with black leather interior. Respectable, but nothing fancy. Even with all the money Connor’s dad has, Connor doesn’t seem to be flashy type. Will likes that because he isn’t flashy either and he isn’t attracted to show offs.

“Door’s open,” says Connor as he opens the back door to put the picnic basket inside.

Will opens the door and gets into the front passenger seat. He sees a box of tissues on the floor by his feet and a pair of sunglasses on the dashboard. Turning around, Will looks in the backseat and sees some clothes and a gym bag. 

Connor gets in the car and puts on his seatbelt, which signals for Will to put his on too.

Connor turns to smile at him before starting the car and pulling out.

The car ride is pretty quiet except for when Connor asks which radio station Will wants to listen to and Will says he has no preference. 

They’re both nervous and hyperaware of not wanting to say the wrong thing. After all, this is their first real date. A few months ago they silently liked each other while publicly expressing dislike for each other. Then things got weird when Connor admitted his feelings and Will at first claimed to not return them. But everything changed that night on the roof a few weeks ago. It was their first real, honest exchange about everything. And now here they are, this is a new beginning.

After about fifteen minutes of silence, Connor announces “we’re here.”

Will looks out the front windshield and sees that they’re at a cliff that overlooks downtown. It does more than overlook downtown, it gives a beautiful view of entire downtown Chicago. He’s never been here before, but he’s heard of this place.

“Come on,” says Connor as he opens his door and goes to the back to grab the picnic basket.

Will follows suit and gets out of the car. He closes his car door and walks closer to the edge of the cliff. Man, that view of downtown is amazing.

“You like it?” asks Connor as he approaches Will carrying the picnic basket.

“It’s beautiful,” says Will as he turns around and smiles at Connor. “I’ve never been here before.”

Connor opens up the picnic basket and pulls out a Yankees blanket. He shakes it open and drops it on the ground.

“I hope you like the Yankees,” says Connor as he flattens the blanket out.

“I’m more of a football kinda guy,” says Will as Connor steps onto the blanket. “But the Yankees are cool.”

Connor sits down and pulls the picnic basket in front of him.

He looks up at Will. “Am I gonna sit here by myself or are you going to join me?”

Will smirks at Connor and sits down next to him.

“Look at that view,” says Connor looking over the cliff. “It’s so beautiful. When I was younger, I always used to come here with my mom. My dad was off being an egomaniac and my sister was out spending his money like it was her job. My mom and I would come here to watch the sunset, talk, and just enjoy the serenity. This is the spot where she told me that she always knew I was gay and that it made me special. She told me right here that she would always be in my corner and that she loved and supported me no matter what; I was her little boy and nothing could ever change that.”

Connor clears his throat and blinks back tears. “I thought I loved this place before my mom died, but after, I would come here to feel close to her. Coming here made me feel like she was still with me. I could feel her spirit with me when I was here, loving me and protecting me like she always did.”

Will listens to Connor’s words touched by the sentiment and the emotion. This is an extremely special place to Connor, Will knows what it’s like to lose your mom, and Connor chose to share this place with him.

“I can’t believe you brought me here,” says Will in amazement as Connor turns to face him. “This is a very special place to you and you chose to share it with me.”

“I know that typical first dates are like dinner and a movie or something cliché,” says Connor hoping this isn’t too much for a first date. “But I’ve never been one for clichés. This is about us getting to know each other better and I couldn’t think of a better way to show you a part of myself. I hope it’s not too much.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that,” says a panicked Will realizing that the meaning behind what he said didn’t come out right. “I’m honored that you chose to share this place and the story behind it with me. It’s beautiful, thank you.”

Connor puts his hand out and Will reaches out to put his hand on top of Connor’s and interlocks their fingers. They smile at each other.

“So are you hungry?” says Connor as he gently undoes his hand from Will’s and leans forward towards the picnic basket.

“Starving,” says Will as Connor opens the picnic basket. “What’d you bring?”

“I hope you like chicken cutlets, although they’re cold from being in the fridge all day” says Connor pulling a plastic container with a few pieces out. “There’s also pickles and potato salad. I wasn’t really sure what to make.”

“I do like them,” says Will as Connor pulls out the pickles and potato salad. “You made all this?”

“Just the chicken cutlets, they were one of the things that my mom taught me how to make,” says Connor as he pulls out some plastic dishes, silverware, napkins, and two bottles of water. “I got the pickles and potato salad at the store.”

Will looks at Connor impressed. He really put a lot of thought, time, and effort into this date.

Connor opens up the chicken cutlets and holds out the plate to Will. “Taste it and let me know how they are, I haven’t made them in a while.”

Will breaks off a piece of one and eats it. 

“Well, how bad are they?” asks an anxious Connor as Will finishes chewing.

“They're delicious,” says Will as he reaches for a napkin and cleans his hand of breadcrumbs. “Thanks for making these for me.”

“My pleasure,” says Connor as he smiles at Will and notices a little breadcrumb on the side of his lip.

“You have a little,” says Connor as he reaches out his hand and gently brushes the breadcrumb off of Will’s lip.

“Thanks,” says Will meeting Connor’s eyes as Connor brushes his hand against Will’s face. 

Connor smiles, his hand now firmly on Will’s cheek, and Will leans in towards him. Connor leans in the rest of the way as their lips press together. This kiss is different than the kiss they shared at the hospital a few weeks ago. This kiss is gentle and slow as Will and Connor reposition themselves so that Connor’s hands are on Will’s face and Will’s hand are wrapped around Connor’s waist. Will deepens the kiss and directs his tongue into Connor’s mouth, an action which Connor matches in seconds by putting his tongue in Will’s mouth.

They break apart after a few minutes and both catch their breath. Now that was a kiss.

“Let’s eat,” says Connor as they smile each other. 

Ten minutes later, both Connor and Will have some of the food in paper plates and are eating and talking.

“So she tricked me into telling her that I’m gay and then when she came by yesterday, she had the nerve to ask me for an apology,” says Connor telling Will about what happened with his sister yesterday. “Claire thinks it was wrong of me to be mad at her for tricking me, but she was the one who should’ve been apologizing.”

“Absolutely,” says Will outraged by what Connor is telling him. “That’s not how family treats each other.”

“My sister and I haven’t been family in a long time,” says Connor as he drinks his water. “We got into this whole argument about her and my dad not accepting me for being gay like my mom did. Claire tried to tell me she’s not judgmental, but I told her that I once heard her denouncing gay people, and that shut her up real quick. I told her that we were done, I can't deal with her crap anymore.”

“I would’ve done the same thing,” says Will sympathetically. “Coming to terms with being gay is hard enough without having people constantly berating you for it.” 

Usually sharing such personal stuff is not something Connor does, especially on a first date, but this stuff about coming out is common ground for both him and Will and it’s a big way for them to connect.

“How has the experience with your family been?” asks Connor curiously. So far he’s done all the sharing so he hopes Will will share too.

“It’s just me and my brother Jay,” says Will taking a bite of his pickle. “I came out to him last month and he was very supportive. He’s actually the first person I ever came out to and he’s been great about it. Not that I expected any less because Jay has always been an accepting and understanding person.”

“What about your parents?” asks Connor hoping to get Will to keep going.

“My mom died of cancer a couple of years ago,” says Will looking down into his plate. “She and I were very close and her death crushed me. I don’t think I would’ve gotten through it without Jay. I think my mom would’ve supported me no matter what, she was a very open-minded woman. My dad on the other hand…”

Will trails off and turns away from Connor.

“Hey,” says Connor gently as he reassuringly puts his hand on Will’s leg which causes him to turn back around. “You can tell me anything Will. No matter what it is.”

“My dad was a loud, mean, belligerent drunk,” says Will voice full of emotion. “He’d come home drunk all hours of the night screaming at me, my mom, and Jay for no reason. Even when my mom got sick, my dad kept drowning himself in liquor, neglecting her when she needed him the most, and leaving it up to me and Jay to take care of her. After she died, Jay and I moved out and we haven’t spoken to our dad since.”

Single tears are dripping down Will’s cheek. “From a young age, my dad made it clear to me and Jay what a man’s role was and nowhere in that clearly defined role was there room for anything other than heterosexuality. My dad bad mouthed liberals, feminists, and gay people all the time. I was relieved when Jay and I finally moved out because he was so toxic. Life has been so much better without my dad and I don’t care how terrible that sounds. If he was still in my life, I’d probably still be hiding in the very back of the closet.”

Connor reaches out to takes Will’s hand and squeezes it reassuringly. Of course he doesn’t want to see Will cry, but Connor’s glad Will’s allowed himself to be vulnerable enough to open up like this.

“I’m sorry,” says Will sniffling. “Crying is a sure fire way to ruin a date.”

“Not this date,” says Connor trying to meet Will’s eyes, still holding his hand. “There’s no need to apologize.”

Will gives him a small smile. Connor is really different than he ever thought and they have a lot in common. 

The sun setting over downtown catches Connor’s eye. What a sight.

“Look at that,” says Connor pointing to the sunset in order to bring it to Will’s attention. 

Will turns to look and is mesmerized by how beautiful the sunset looks on the buildings.

Connor lets go of Will’s hand and lays back on the blanket putting his hands behind his head.

Will turns to give him a strange look, but Connor just smiles. “Don’t make me lay here all by myself. I don’t bite, I promise.”

Will smiles at Connor’s cute gesture understanding that it’s Connor’s way of saying he wants Will to lay with him.

Will lays his body down on the blanket and scoots over to lift his head onto Connor’s chest with his legs spread out to the side of Connor’s body. Connor adjusts his position so Will gets comfortable and once he does, he drapes his arm over Will’s stomach.

“Better?” asks Will looking up at Connor.

“Much,” says Connor giving Will a smile and closing his eyes. 

For two people who initially butted heads, here they were laying together on this blanket watching the sunset over downtown Chicago. Connor never thought he’d enjoy having Will close to him like this so much and Will never thought he’d enjoy being so close to the handsome dark haired doctor, how things change.

After what feels like hours, Connor’s phone beeps. He pulls it out of his pocket to turn off the alarm. He set an alarm for 10pm to make sure their date ends at a decent time since they both have work early in the morning.

“I think we should get going,” says Connor looking down at Will and relishing seeing his head on his chest. “We both have early shifts tomorrow and should get some sleep.”

“What time is it?” asks Will sitting up and pulling out his phone. “Oh, wow, 10 o’clock already. That was fast.”

“Yeah, it was,” says Connor giving him a shy smile as he starts packing up the picnic basket. All of a sudden he feels tongue tied and nervous again.

“Let me help you,” says Will as he helps Connor pack and clean up their food.

A few minutes later, they are back in the car. It’s a quiet car ride back to Connor’s apartment, but this time it’s a more comfortable silence. 

Fifteen minutes later, they pull up in front of Connor’s apartment.

“Where’s your car?” asks Connor looking out the front windshield.

“Around the corner,” says Will as he takes off his seatbelt. “Do you mind if I come in and use the bathroom? I don’t think I’ll make it home.”

“Of course not,” says Connor as he takes off his seatbelt and gets out of the car.

He grabs the picnic basket from the back seat and Will follows him into his apartment.

“Bathroom’s the first door on the left,” says Connor as he opens the door.

“Thanks,” says Will as he heads there.

Connor closes the door and throws his keys on the table. He puts the picnic basket on the kitchen counter and waits for Will.

“Waiting for me?” asks a smiling Will who emerges from the bathroom two minutes later.

“Maybe,” says Connor smirks as Will walks closer to him.

“Thanks for tonight,” says Will as he tentatively reaches out to grab Connor's hand. Connor reaches back and interlocks their fingers. “All the time, thought, and energy you put into planning this date, taking me to such a special place, it was beyond anything I ever would’ve expected.”

“I just wanted our first date to be special,” says Connor as he brushes his finger over Will’s knuckles. 

“Well it was,” says Will looking into Connor’s eyes. “This was the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

“Me too,” says Connor as he inches closer to Will in hopes of kissing him again.

Will, also wanting to kiss Connor again, closes the gap between them and crushes his lips against Connor’s for a passionate kiss. Connor certainly knows how to kiss.

They break their kiss a minute later and smile at each other.

“So,” starts Will coyly. “I’ll see you at work in the morning.”

“You know where to find me,” says Connor as Will walks towards the door. “Get home safe.”

“Goodnight,” says Connor as Will opens the door and leaves.

Connor drops onto the couch when he hears the door close. He’s really glad things went well tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's the big first date. I put a lot of time and thought into this chapter and I hope you guys liked it. I've been anxious to finally share it with you, please review and let me know what you thought.


	15. Could This Night Get Any Worse?

Scene: Chicago Med, 2 days later (Wednesday), 9 A.M.

Connor is at the front desk going through some papers and drinking a cup of coffee. He and Will were up until after midnight texting and even though he’s not complaining, he’s grateful he didn’t have to be in too early this morning. 

Their first date went really well the other night, much better than Connor could have ever hoped for, and now they just have to keep moving forward in a logical well-paced way that makes both of them feel comfortable.

He looks up and sees Goodwin walking over to him.

“Good morning Ms. Goodwin,” says Connor smiling politely. 

“Good morning Dr. Rhodes,” says Goodwin as she puts her phone away. “I never got your RSVP to the donor’s dinner tonight so I need to know if you’re coming.”

Ugh, the donor’s dinner. A night where the people from the hospital dress up to celebrate the donors as a way to express their appreciation. And of course, the guest of honor is his father, Cornelius Rhodes, for the psychiatric wing he funded in honor of Connor’s mother. He never RSVPed because he really doesn’t want to go know, but knows he has to because his dad’s the guest of honor.

“Listen,” starts Goodwin as she takes her glasses off. “I know you and dad don’t get along that well and I’m not saying you have to go. But I will say that, in terms of appearance, it won’t look right if the guest of honor’s son, who named the wing he funded in honor of his late wife, doesn’t show up.”

Connor sighs and relents. “I’ll be there. Is it black tie?”

“No, it’s not,” responds Goodwin as she puts her glasses on. “But it’s formal so dress the part. Starts at 7.”

“Thank you,” says Connor as he nods affirmatively and she walks away.

He looks down at his paperwork and sighs. He’d rather do paperwork all night then go to this dinner.

Scene: Chicago Med, 5 P.M.

Connor is standing at his locker gathering his stuff to go home and texting Natalie. Once he agreed to go to the donor’s dinner tonight, he texted Natalie to ask if she would be his date. She took the day off to take Owen to the doctor for some of his immunizations, but she was already planning on going. At least Connor won’t be there alone, although he'd rather have Will as his date.

“Okay Jay, but I have to go to this donor’s dinner thing tonight,” says Will as he walks into the break room headphones in his ears on the phone with his brother. Connor walks from his locker to where Will is on the phone and smiles at him. 

Will grins upon seeing Connor. It’s been a busy day and their paths haven’t crossed. 

“It starts at 7, but I can pick it up tomorrow,” says Will impatient to end this phone call and talk to Connor. “Yeah, that’s good. Okay, bye.”

Will ends the phone call and takes his headphones out of his ears.

“Hey,” says Will wrapping his headphones around his neck. “Sorry, that was my brother.”

“No worries,” says Connor slightly anxious. “I heard you saying you’re going to the donor’s dinner.”

“Yeah,” says Will as he leans against the table. “Goodwin worked out the schedule to make sure enough of us go and make the board happy. I take it you’re going.”

“I kinda have to,” says Connor looking down. “My dad’s the guest of honor for the money he donated to build the wing named after my mom.”

“Right,” says Will nodding his head and biting his lip. “I don’t think I saw you all day.”

“I know,” says Connor wishing he could kiss Will. He loves when he bites his lip. “But we were up so late texting that it hasn’t felt that long since we saw each other.”

“Nice save,” says Will laughing a little. “I thought for a second that maybe you didn’t want to see me after how we ended our conversation last night.”

Connor gives him a perplexed look for a second, but then realizes what Will is talking about. Before they both went to sleep, they were texting about how to define what they are or what they are becoming. Connor was quick to call it dating, but Will questioned what dating even means. Especially when they’re both in the closet.

“I wouldn’t avoid you over that,” says Connor snapping out of his thoughts. “But it is something that we need to figure out. I know this is all new and we’ve only gone out once. Maybe we don’t necessarily have to define ‘us,’ but we should talk about what it means for us to date.”

“I agree,” says Will slightly surprised by how calm Connor is being. Connor always seemed like the type to get angry quick, but the more Will gets to know him, the less he sees the truth in that. 

“So I’ll see you tonight?” asks Connor as he walks over to his locker and puts on his jacket and grabs his book bag. This conversation is not something they can have right now.

Will waits for Connor to walk back into his line of sight. “You will. I expect that the guest of honor’s son will be looking dapper.”

“You have to wait and see,” says Connor as he walks by Will and puts his hand on his shoulder. He whispers in his ear so close that Will can feel Connor’s breath on his ear. “I can’t give away all my secrets.”

Will shivers as Connor’s words give him chills. Damn, Connor really knows how to turn him on without even trying.

“See you tonight,” says Connor walking towards the door and grinning at Will. He knows the effect he has on Will and he likes it.

Scene: Royalty East Banquet Hall, 6:45 P.M.

Connor, wearing black dress pants, a white button down dress shirt, and a black blazer with a dark blue tie, walks in with Natalie on his arm. She is wearing a long red dress, with a silver necklace, black heels, and her hair is up. The room is large and well lit with beautiful chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The tables are round with purple table settings, the cutlery, plates, and napkins are adorned with silver and gold, and the center piece at each table is a large champagne glass. There is a main stage with a podium and the tables are situated to the front and to the side of the stage.

“The room looks beautiful,” says Natalie as she looks around. “Did we miss our place cards? I didn’t see any when we walked in.”

“I don’t think so,” says Connor looking around for Goodwin, but stops when he sees Will talking to Ethan. He is wearing dark gray dress pants, a black button down shirt, and a dark gray blazer with a black tie. Connor’s never seen Will so dressed up, he looks incredibly handsome. 

Before Connor and Natalie can walk over to their coworkers, Connor’s dad Cornelius walks over to them. He is wearing a black suit with a black bow tie.

“Son, it is good to see you,” says Cornelius as he look at Natalie. “And who may I ask is this beautiful vision?”

Natalie laughs. “I’m Natalie, Connor and I work together.”

“My my,” says Cornelius taken with Natalie. “You must be the most beautiful doctor in all of Chicago. Cornelius Rhodes, Connor’s father, nice to meet you.”

Natalie blushes a little. “Nice to meet you Mr. Rhodes. You’re very sweet, thank you.”

Natalie turns to Connor. “I’m going to use the ladies room, I’ll be right back.”

Connor nods as Natalie walks off.

“You’re definitely a Rhodes man,” says Cornelius with pride at he looks at his son. “You sure know how to pick a woman, Natalie is just lovely.”

Connor looks at his father and swallows hard, unsure of how to respond. Of course his dad thinks he’s dating Natalie and of course he has to bring up Rhodes men dating women. This is exactly why he’s always hidden being gay.

“Natalie and I aren’t together dad,” says Connor trying but knowing his father probably won’t hear it. “We’re just coworkers.”

“You don’t have to play coy with me son,” says Cornelius patting his son on the back. “Dating a beautiful woman like Natalie is something to be proud of.”

Unsure of what else to do or say, Connor just gives his dad a small smile. Could this be any more awkward?

Connor is grateful when he sees Goodwin walking over to them. She is wearing a gray pant suit.

“Ms. Goodwin,” says Connor shifting uncomfortably. “Hi.”

“Dr. Rhodes, Mr. Rhodes,” says Goodwin smiling politely. “I hope you like how everything looks Mr. Rhodes. As the guest of honor, the Board and I want to make sure you’re happy with the set up.”

“It’s beautiful,” says Cornelius graciously. “Elegant yet simple, just my style.”

“I’m glad,” says Goodwin who notices how uncomfortable Connor looks. “Dr. Rhodes, there’s a seat for you next to Natalie at our table.”

“Thanks Ms. Goodwin,” says Connor grateful that he’s not sitting with his dad. “I’ll be right over.”

Goodwin nods and walks away.

Connor is about to speak, but stops when he sees his sister Claire walking over to them. She is wearing a long black dress with her hair down.

“Claire, honey,” says Cornelius as he pulls her into a hug. “So good to see you.”

“Claire,” says Connor as she and their dad break their hug. He surprised to see her here. “What are you doing here?”

“Dad’s being honored tonight for his donation to the hospital in mom’s name,” says Claire as she looks directly at Connor and emphasizes her words. “How could I not be here?”

Connor glares at her, could this night get any worse?

Cornelius is standing in between Connor and Claire.

“Look at this, my two children here, together, on this special night,” says Cornelius as he smiles and puts one arm around each of them pulling them close. “This is great.”

Connor rolls his eyes unable to hide his disgust for his sister. His dad doesn’t see, but Claire does.

“Dad,” says Connor as he gently pulls away from. “I’m gonna go get a drink and take my seat.”

“Don’t go too far,” says Cornelius as he starts talking to Claire.

‘Is the moon too far?’ thinks Connor as he walks over to the bar. The bartender is a middle-aged woman with short brown hair and green eyes dressed in a server uniform, her name tag says Dana.

“Scotch on the rocks please,” says Connor as he leans on the bar.

“Coming up,” says Dana as she turns around to make his drink.

“On the rocks tonight, huh?” asks a voice Connor recognizes as Will. He turned around and sees Will standing next to him. Connor saw how handsome Will looked when he walked in, but up close, damn, he looks even better.

“I gotta switch it up from time to time,” says Connor coyly. “Plus my dad and sister being here calls for alcohol with ice.”

“Here you go,” says Dana as she puts Connor’s drink in front of him and turns to Will. “Anything for you sir?”

“A Grey Goose and cranberry please,” says Will.

“Grey Goose, huh?” asks Connor as Dana makes Will’s drink. “And you talk about me being fancy.”

They both laugh a little and Dana serves Will his drink.

“So your dad and your sister?” asks Will as he leans on the bar and looks at Connor. “That’s pretty rough, I know your relationship is strained with them.”

They are both learning on the bar facing Dana, but she is busy cutting up fruit.

“After what happened with my sister last week,” says Connor as he takes a sip of his drink. “I was hoping to not see her for a very long time. It never even damned on me that she would be here.”

Will looks at Connor sympathetically and tentatively reaches out to put his hand on top of Connor’s, waiting for Connor to pull away. Connor doesn’t though and Will rests his hand on tops of Connor in hopes of comforting him.

“I got you tonight,” says Will as he looks into Connor’s eyes. “You look incredibly handsome, that tie really brings our your eyes.”

Connor blushes a little. “Thanks. You look pretty handsome yourself, the black and gray compliment your smile.”

They look at each other and Will squeezes Connor’s hand which makes Connor smile.

“I don’t wanna intrude,” says Dana as she walks towards them which causes them to pull their hands back. “But you guys are adorable together.”

Unsure of how to respond and both feeling awkward, Connor and Will walk away to take their seats.

An hour and a half hour later, everyone has eaten and it is time for Cornelius to give his speech.

“Please welcome tonight’s guest of honor, Mr. Cornelius Rhodes,” says Goodwin into her microphone causing everyone to clap.

Cornelius walks on stage and over to the podium.

“Good evening,” says Cornelius clearing his throat. “I'd like to start by thanking the Board of Chicago Medical Center for putting together this lovely evening. All of the donors in this room deserve recognition and appreciation and I am humbled that I was chosen as the guest of honor. A doctor’s work is incredibly noble and I am glad my donation was able to help in building a psychiatric wing. However, this wing is extra special to me because it is named in honor of my late wife, Elizabeth Rhodes. Elizabeth was a wonderful women; she was loving mother and a devoted wife. But unfortunately, she struggled with her demons and those demons caused her to tragically take her own life.”

Connor takes a deep breath as he hears his dad talking about his mom, trying to keep his emotions in check. Theseating arrangement is Will, Connor, and Natalie and they are all facing the stage. Knowing what a sensitive subject his mother, Will reaches his hand behind his back, knowing no one can see, and reaches for Connor’s hand. He finds it and interlocks their fingers as a way to reassure Connor that he’s got him. Connor smiles softly.

“Losing Elizabeth was very hard for me and my two children, Claire and Connor,” says Cornelius as he looks out into the crowd for Connor and Claire. “This psychiatric wing honors my wife’s memory, but nothing can ever bring back my children’s mother and my best friend & the love of my life. To anyone in this audience struggling, know that suicide is not only your only option. You are not alone and there is help out there. I hope that this wing can stop others from losing people they love. Thank you.”

The room erupts in applause as everyone stands up to clap.

A half hour later, Connor walks over to the bar and finds Natalie standing there.

“White Zinfandel please,” says Natalie as she sees Connor. “Hey. Having fun?”

“Far from,” says Connor looking towards Dana who is waiting for him to order. “I’ll just take a club soda please.”

Dana returns with their drinks.

“Thanks,” says Connor as he puts five dollars in her tip jar.

Connor and Natalie turn around to face the room. The bar is a few feet away from any tables so no one can hear them.

“So,” says Natalie as she takes a sip of her wine. “Is there something going on with you and Will?”

“What?” asks Connor practically jumping in surprise. “Why…why would you think that?”

“Well, your reaction for one,” says Natalie laughing a little. “I also saw him reach out to hold your hand when your dad was giving his speech and talking about your mom.”

Connor looks at her dumbfounded, completely unsure of what to say.

“Relax Connor,” says Natalie as she touches his shoulder reassuringly. “Clearly no one knows and I won’t say anything. Will’s a nice guy, handsome and smart. I always thought he was interested in me, but I guess that’s not the case, Besides, him reaching for your hand like that was one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. It was simple, but very telling.”

“Telling how?” asks Connor trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Well just in the sense that it’s telling of his feelings,” says Natalie taking another sip of her wine. “Your dad was talking about your mom’s suicide and I know how difficult that is for you. Will reaching for you told me that he knew that too and he wanted you to know he’s there for you. That’s very sweet, he clearly cares about you and is sensitive to your feelings.”

Connor blushes a little and looks down into his club soda. “I got you. That’s what he said to me tonight when he knew my dad and sister would be here.”

“Aw,” says Natalie getting excited. “See, that’s adorable.”

“I said the same thing the other day about our first date,” explains Connor as he looks up at Natalie. “So he knew he could trust me about planning it and taking care of him.”

“First, you have to tell me all about your first date,” says Natalie smiling. “And see, he’s using that same expression to denote caring and trust.”

Connor smiles thinking about what Natalie said. Caring and trust, maybe building those is what dating means to him and Will.

“Thanks Natalie,” says Connor giving her a small smile. 

“Of course,” says Natalie as she picks up her drink. “I’m going to talk to the cute guy over there, but you still owe me details about your date.”

“Ok,” says Connor laughing as Natalie walks off.

Connor finishes his drink and walks out into the reception area where the bathrooms are to use the bathroom.

Two minutes later, he’s coming out of the bathroom when he hears his dad talking outside the men’s room. He takes his hand off the door and pauses to listen.

“Yes, ok, good,” says Cornelius who is on the phone. “It went well, they ate up my speech. I said all the right things and threw in the whole ‘you’re not alone’ bit too. But I think the emotional stuff about my kids was the icing on the cake. After my speech, I was approached by a couple of members of the hospital board who said they want to talk to me about my role with the hospital moving forward. So I think that’s a good sign, this worked. Ok, I’ll call you later. Bye.”

Cornelius hangs up the phone and starts to walk away when Connor abruptly opens the bathroom door.

“Dad,” calls Connor crossing his arms over his chest as Cornelius turns around to face him. “What the hell was that phone call about?”

…To Be Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	16. Something That Does Not Come Around Everyday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the support.

Scene: Royalty East Banquet Hall (con’t)

“What conversation?” asks Cornelius feigning ignorance.

“The one you were just having,” says Connor annoyed that his father is playing this game. “I heard you from the bathroom.”

Cornelius’ face drops. “I wasn’t aware anyone was in there.”

“If you’re trying to have a private conversation,” says a sarcastic Connor. “Then you might not want to do it in front of the bathroom. Was your speech a political move to win favor with the hospital board?”

“It’s not what you think,” starts Cornelius. 

“I highly doubt that,” says Connor shaking his head. “How could you do this?”

“Let’s not do this here,” says Cornelius looking around. “Let’s go outside.”

Cornelius walks outside and Connor follows him. He checks and make sure no one’s around except for a few valets, but they are too far to hear anything.

“Son,” says Cornelius his features softening as he turns to face Connor. “Please don’t make a big deal out of this, you didn’t hear what you think you did.”

“Don’t call me that,” says Connor angrily as he puts his finger up. “You used my mother, your wife, as a way to get the hospital board to…what? Let you buy the hospital or something?”

“No,” says Cornelius flatly. “I want to be the chairman of the board. And after tonight, it’s looking good.”

“You are just unbelievable,” shouts Connor not believing his ears. “To pervert mom’s memory like this. Mom was the most loving, selfless person I’ve ever known and instead of using tonight to honor her, you used her memory for your own selfish agenda.”

“I’m not being selfish, I’m being selfless,” says Cornelius remaining calm. “I’m doing this for you Connor. I see the way the hospital’s run, the poor decisions that the board allows to happen, the thing it turns a blind eye to. I’m doing this to make the hospital you work at a better place. If I’m chairman, I’ll make changes for the good of you and everyone you work with.”

“You do not have a selfless bone in your body, everything you do has ulterior motives,” shouts Connor filled with rage at how self-righteous his dad is. Just like his sister. “The hospital is just fine and don’t pretend you’re doing this for me because this is for you. Ever since I came back to Chicago all you’ve done is try to creep your way into the hospital so you’re the Rhodes everyone talks about instead of me. You always have to one up me, your own son, even at the place I work. So this isn’t for the good of me and the hospital, you want to become chairman to show me that I can never escape you. Because you’re Cornelius Rhodes.”

“I’m your father and I wish you could understand that I am doing this for you Connor,” says Cornelius completely unfazed by what Connor said. “When I become chairman, I’ll be working behind the scenes. I know what you need to make your life at work easier and better. I’ll get you shorter shifts so you can spend more time with that lovely girlfriend of yours.”

Connor scoffs at his father’s arrogance. When he becomes chairman, like it’s already a definite.

“You don’t know what I need,” says a seething Connor spitting out his words angrily. “And I already told you, Natalie is not my girlfriend.”

“Well then that’s okay,” says Cornelius as Connor paces in front of him. “You can get shorter shifts so you can spend time with any girl of your choosing.”

“I don’t know how you’ve never seen it,” says an angry Connor as he shakes his head. “Either you’re blind or stupid or both, but I’m not into women. I’m gay.”

Connor lets the words settle in the air before realizing the gravity of what he just said. Fuck it, it’s done.

“Is this some kind of joke?” asks Cornelius looking around. “Is there a hidden camera or something? Am I being Punk’d?”

“No, it’s not a joke,” says Connor taking a deep breath. “I’m gay. I’ve been into guys my whole life.”

“That’s not possible,” says Cornelius refusing to believe it. “You’re a Rhodes, Rhodes men aren't  
gay.”

“And there it is!” shouts Connor as he throws his hands up in defeat. “I am a Rhodes, but guess what? This Rhodes is gay.”

“I don’t believe it,” says Cornelius shaking his head. “Being gay is a sin. Two men together is not natural, that’s not the way God created our world.”

Connor is not surprised to hear these words from his dad, but he is surprised by how much they hurt. Like daggers to the heart.

“You do realize I’m your son, right?” asks Connor trying to hide his pain. “And you’re talking to me like that?”

“Let me be clear,” says Cornelius looking directly at Connor and emphasizing his words. “Being gay is a lifestyle choice that I do not support. It’s disgusting and if you continue living like this, you can no longer be my son. I cannot and will not have any association with sinful homosexuals that engage in sodomy.”

Connor cannot help but break at his father’s words. They’re not just daggers, they’re saws. 

“Then I guess you no longer have a son,” says Connor as tears stream down his face. “I always knew that you’d never accept me as I am, thanks for confirming it.”

Connor walks off to his car fighting back tears and Cornelius walks back inside like nothing happened.

Back inside, Will is sitting at the table when Natalie comes up to him.

“Hey Will,” says Natalie leaning over him. “Have you seen Connor? He went to the bathroom like 20 minutes ago and I haven’t seen him since.”

“No,” says Will as he stands up. “I was just in the bathroom, Connor’s not in there.”

Natalie sees Cornelius by the bar. “There’s his dad, I’ll go ask if he’s seen Connor.”

She walks over to Cornelius. “Excuse me Mr. Rhodes, have you seen Connor?”

“That disgusting homosexual,” snarls Cornelius taking a sip of his drink. “After I shared some harsh truths with him about his lifestyle choice, he got in his car and left about fifteen minutes ago.”

“What did you say to him?” asks Natalie getting angry by Cornelius’ choice of words.

“Nothing that wasn’t true,” says Cornelius looking Natalie up and down. “To think he chooses to be with a man over you, baffling. Fags are disgusting.”

“The only thing that’s baffling is how a father can talk about their son like that,” says Natalie enraged at how much of a bigot he is. “You’re the disgusting one, not Connor.”

“You got moxie,” says Cornelius taking another sip of his drink and pointing his finger at her. “I like that.”

Natalie rolls her eyes and walks back over to Will.

“What happened?” asks a concerned Will. “That didn't look like it went well.”

“Um,” starts Natalie knowing this isn’t the right time, but knowing she has to get this out in the open. “So I know about you and Connor, I saw you guys holding hands. I already knew Connor was gay and I don’t care that you are either.”

Will starts to speak, but Natalie cuts him off.

“Anyway,” says Natalie as she looks in her purse for her phone. “Somehow Connor’s dad found out he’s gay and it seems that he said some pretty awful things to Connor. He also said Connor left about fifteen minutes ago.”

Natalie tries calling Connor while Will is caught between anger towards Cornelius and worry for Connor.

“No answer,” says Natalie as she holds her phone in his hand. “He’s probably at his apartment, we should go.”

“Let’s go,” says Will as he pulls his car keys out of his pocket.

Forty-five minutes later, they pull up in front of Connor’s apartment, get out, and walk up to Connor’s apartment.

Natalie knocks gently on the door. “Connor, it’s Natalie. Are you in there?”

No answer, no noise. Silence.

“Maybe he’s not here,” says Will as he puts his hand on the door knob and is surprised to find that it turns. Connor left the door open, he must be home.

Will motions with his head for Natalie to go in first. “I’ll follow you.”

“Connor,” says Natalie as they slowly walk into his apartment. 

They find Connor sitting on his couch, blazer off, tie off, shirt unbuttoned, hair a mess holding a picture.

“Connor, there you are,” says Natalie as she walks over to him. “We were worried about you, are you ok?”

She sits down next to him and Will stands by the door watching closely, but not wanting to invade Connor’s space. He thinks it’s best Natalie handles this for now.

“This is my mom,” says Connor whose voice is thick with emotion as he shows her the picture. “She was the only person in this world who ever saw for me who I really am and accepted me for it. When she died, that went with her. My own father called me a disgusting homosexual who engages in sodomy. He said that being gay is not natural but rather a choice and if I choose this life, then I’m no longer his son.”

Tears are dripping down his face as he chokes out his words. “I always knew he wouldn’t react well, but his wor...his words, they hurt so much. He was so callous saying them, no emotion at all, like I wasn’t even his son. It hurt so much, like someone was taking daggers to my heart.”

Natalie, heart breaking for Connor, pulls his head onto her chest and lets him cry.

Will looks on trying to hold back his own tears. Man, he hates seeing Connor like this. How could his own father treat him like that and say such things to his own son? Fuck that makes him angry, he should go punch Connor’s dad for what he did. This is not how you treat someone you love. 

“I’m so sorry Connor,” says Natalie sympathetically as he sits up and wipes away his tears. “That is not the way a father should treat their son or the way anyone should be treated for that matter. You know what he said, all of it, it isn’t true, right?

“I know,” says Connor sniffling. “But it was just such a harsh reality to face, his disapproval was something I always dreaded having to face.”

“Well we have something that might help with that,” says Will finally chiming in. He opens the door and in walks Claire.

Connor starts to protest, but Will cuts him off.

“Before you say anything,” says Will looking at Connor. “Just hear her out.”

All out of fight for the night, Connor nods.

Natalie stands up and walks towards the door. “Will and I will be outside, let you two have some privacy.”

Natalie and Will walk out, closing the door behind them, and Claire tentatively walks over to her brother and sits down next to him.

“Connor,” starts Claire as she turns to face him. “I am so unbelievably sorry for everything. I was completely wrong for everything I did and said and for how I treated you. You’re my brother and I love you so much, the last thing I’ve ever wanted is for something like this to come between us and destroy our relationship. Losing mom was hard enough, I don’t want to lose you too.”

A single tear drips down her cheek. “I never should’ve tricked you into telling me you’re gay, I should’ve understood and respected your privacy enough to wait until you were ready to tell me. I just…I just missed you Connor and I wanted a way back into your life. But I know I went about it all wrong and only made you hate for me it and I’m sorry.”

Connor sits there silently taking in his sister’s words.

Claire sniffles and wipes away some tears. “What you heard me say about cousin Andrew…I’m ashamed of myself for saying something like that. I’m not that close-minded, judgmental person who hates gay people. I was just young and naïve and I let dad influence my thoughts and feelings so much that I became a puppet just regurgitating what he taught me. But that it is not how I feel about gay people and it breaks my heart knowing you heard me saying that.”

She reaches out for Connor's hand and he allows her to grab it. “Your friends Will and Natalie told me what happened with dad and I was outraged. I had a huge fight with him about talking to you like that and treating you the way he did. He’s your dad, you’re my brother, and no one should ever make you feel less for being who you are. I support you one hundred percent Connor. I want you to be happy, and most importantly, I want you to be yourself. Dad might never come around, but if you’ll have me and you can forgive me, I’m here for you.”

Connor absorbs Claire’s words pleasantly surprised by the emotion and sincerity he’s felt from her. This is the first time in a long time that he actually recognizes his sister.

“I can forgive you Claire,” says Connor sniffling. “I feel like you, sitting here in front of me, this is my sister. The one who got lost, but I always knew she was in there. And I’ve missed her. I love you too Claire and I appreciate you you standing up to dad for me more than you know.”

Claire squeezes his hand as a few tears drip down her cheek. “It probably didn’t do much to change his mind, but I was so angry when I heard how he treated you.”

Connor gives her a smile. “Thank you Claire. For that and for being the sister I once knew again. I want to start fresh as long as long as you don’t ever get lost on me again.”

“I promise,” says Claire tearfully as he pulls her into a big hug. “I’m sorry it took me so long to find myself again. I love you Connor and I’ll never leave you again.”

Connor tightens the hug and they both revel in this moment as they finally reconcile after years of conflict.

“I have to tell you Connor,” says Claire as they break their hug. “Your friends, Will and Natalie, they are very special people. They came to find me after the party was over to tell me what happened in hopes I would help them. They were so genuinely concerned and worried about you, It was really sweet to see how much they care for you.”

“Especially Will,” continues Claire which causes Connor to look at her. “The way he was talking about you, his body language, he has strong feelings for you. Ones that go beyond friendship, which I think you already knew.”

Connor nods affirmatively as Claire continues.

“I didn’t think anything of it, but at the dinner tonight,” says Claire clearing her throat. “I saw him looking at you. Like you were the only thing in the room and even so, he couldn’t stop looking at you. Enamored I guess you could call it. And there was anger in his voice when he was telling me about dad, it was obvious he was mad at how dad treated you. On the drive here, he was quiet, but I could see the worry on his face. Not to say that Natalie wasn’t angry or concerned because she was, but Will was different. He clearly likes you a lot.”

“I really like him too,” says Connor trying to find the words to explain this to his sister. “But we’ve only been out one date and it feels like things are moving fast. We had this whole disagreement yesterday about defining what we are and where we are going. It’s scary because I’m not used to being so vulnerable and falling for someone. And neither is he.”

“Listen to me,” says Claire as she grabs Connor’s hands. “The way Will feels about you, from the way he looks at you to the things he says to the way he acts, that is something that does not come around everyday. While you were away in Riyadh, I met this guy named Jake who did all the things to show he cared about me like Will does for you. But it was moving too fast for me and I was scared so I broke up with him after a couple of months. And to this day it is my biggest regret because my fear kept me from ending up with the guy of my dreams. I realized he was what I wanted too late because he had already started seeing someone else. And now he’s married to that women and they have children. I wake up every single day wishing I had done things differently and hadn’t been too scared to run from my happiness.”

Connor listens intently trying to take in everything Claire is saying.

“I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did,” continues Claire. “There may never be another Will for you, there was never another Jake for me. I know it’s scary and I know growing up with dad taught you how to close yourself off and run away, but if you do that, you’ll only be hurting yourself. I’ve learned that some people are worth letting down your walls for and I think Will is one of them. Don’t let him get away, don’t be scared to be honest about your feelings and to be vulnerable. There’s no guide book to dating or defining what you guys are, but if you lay it all out on the table, everything will be easier. You want to move forward together, not by yourself because you’re too afraid.”

Connor smiles at her sincerity. “Thanks Claire. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, it’s been a long night, and my emotions are shot. I need to get some rest.”

“Do you want me to tell him?” asks Claire as she starts to stand up and Connor pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“I’m gonna text him right now,” says Connor texting Natalie to thank her and then Will. 

Connor: Hey Natalie, thank you so much for tonight. Your concern and care for me means everything and thank you bringing my sister. I’m shot and need some rest, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow. 

Connor: Hey Will, I want to thank you for tonight. My sister told me how concerned both you and Natalie were, thanks for thinking to bring her here. I really want to talk to you, but I’m emotionally drained and need some rest. Let’s talk tomorrow when I’m in a better place.

Natalie: Of course, anytime. Sleep well.

Will: You’re welcome, I’m glad bringing Claire was a good idea. Get some rest and we’ll talk tomorrow.

Connor puts his phone down and Claire stands up.

“I’m going to take a shower and get some sleep,” says Connor standing up. “But thank you Claire, I love you.”

“I love you too,” says Claire smiling as they hug. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

They break the hug and Connor watches his sister leave. Their relationship is finally repaired thanks to Natalie and Will. His sister gave him a lot to think about in regards to Will, but now it’s time for sleep.

Connor walks off to go take a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	17. Honesty

Scene: Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Thursday), 10 A.M.

Will is sitting at the kitchen counter waiting for Connor. He texted him this morning and suggested Connor come to his place to talk.

Will looks up when he hears a key in the door and then sees the door opening. Clearly this isn’t Connor and the door opens to reveal Jay.

Will jumps up in surprise at seeing his brother knowing Connor will be here any minute. “Jay, hey, what are you doing?”

“Hey Will,” says Jay closing the door behind him. “Sorry for using my key, but I thought you were at work.”

“Goodwin switched the shifts around so I could attend that dinner last night,” explains Will. “I’m working this afternoon. What brings you by?”

“I did my laundry here the other day because my dryer’s broken,” says Jay as he walks into the kitchen. “And I left some clothes so I came by to pick them up.”

“Ok, well, you better get those clothes then,” says Will anxiously.

“What’s wrong with you?” asks Jay as he walks by his brother. “Why are you so anxious?”

Jay walks into the back room to get the laundry and emerges a minute later with a bag.

“I’m not anxious,” says Will as Jay gives him a ‘yeah right’ look. “Ok, maybe I am anxious, but it’s just because I’m waiting for someone.”

“Is it a guy?” asks Jay grinning. 

Will looks down and blushes.

“Hey, it’s cool,” says Jay as he swings the bag over his shoulder. “Let me get out of your way.”

Jay walks towards the door and opens it and is surprised to see Connor standing on the other side of the threshold.

“Hi, says Connor nervously. “I’m here to see Will.”

Jay opens the door wider and Will walks over. “Hi, come on in. My brother was just leaving.”

Connor walks in and Jay raises his eyebrows at his brother. 

“Really, Dr. Rhodes?” asks a smiling Jay whispering to Will. “Good for you Will.”

“Go,” says Will ushering his brother out the door. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Will closes the door and turns around smiling at Connor who is leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Sorry about that, my brother is too comfortable at my apartment sometimes,” says Will as he walks in to the kitchen and motions for Connor to sit at the counter which he does. “Thanks for coming, how are you feeling?”

“Better,” says Connor putting his hands on the counter. “I just needed some rest after last night, my emotions were such a mess after what happened with my dad.”

“Of course,” says Will nervously tapping his foot. “Did talking to your sister help?”

“It did,” says Connor scratching his hand. “It just…feeling that level of rejection from my dad, it felt good to have the support of my sister. From someone else in my family. She and I haven’t been close in so long, but everything changed last night.”

“How so?” asks Will curious to see how much Connor will tell him.

“For so long, Claire became this version of herself that I didn’t recognize anymore,” explains Connor suddenly hesitant to open up to Will, but fighting it. “She became mean, rude, selfish, and so caught up in materialism that it felt like she wasn’t my sister anymore. But last night, it was the most honest and real she’s been in years. I saw the person she used to be again, apologizing sincerely for the things she’s done and genuinely angry at how our dad treated me. So now that she’s back, we can start fresh and work on fixing our relationship.”

“I’m glad,” says Will smiling sincerely. Connor needs his sister and he’s glad they were able to reconcile.

“I have to thank you for making it happen,” says Connor nervously picking at his fingernails. “You and Natalie brought Claire to see me last night. She told me how concerned you guys were, so concerned that you went looking for her, and I appreciate that. Since my mom died, I haven’t really had anyone to care about me like that and now I have both of you.”

Will reaches out to rest his hand on top of Connor’s and they both smile.

“So, I think we should talk,” says Will narrowing his eyes knowing they can’t keep putting this off.

“We should,” says Connor trying to find the courage to start. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of anything. I like the way things are going with us, it feels natural and right. Overthinking is just going to unnecessarily complicate everything. I’m really happy and I don’t want anything we say to risk that.”  
Will smiles at him. “I’m really happy too Connor. These last few weeks have been some of the greatest of my life. Talking to you, spending time with you, getting to know, it feels like we’re really building something meaningful and real.”

“I was also talking to Natalie and I mentioned to hear that we’ve both saying ‘I got you’ to let the other know they can trust us,” continues Connor. “And she got me thinking that maybe that’s what we’re doing here Will, maybe dating for us means building trust and caring.”

Will considers that for a second. “I like that, it makes sense. I just…I don’t want my feelings for you to be limited to just trust and caring. Because what I feel for you goes beyond that.”

Connor smiles at him. “So do mine. I think it just feels like this is moving fast and that’s why we’re concerned about defining what we are or what we’re going to become.”

“I’m falling for you Connor, hard,” says Will in a moment of total honesty. “Like without even thinking about it or trying, I am; it’s out of my control. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, especially in such a short period of time. Maybe it’s because we’ve been working together all these months. It does feel like this is going fast, but I can’t honestly say that I’m complaining. There’s something about you Connor…you make me feel like I’m on top of the world when we’re together. We don’t have to define anything, but we have to promise to always be honest with each other about everything.”

Connor is taken aback by Will’s honesty. On their date, Will seemed a little hesitant to open up so this is a pleasant surprise. His sister was right about Will’s feelings for him.

“I feel the same way,” says Connor trying to keep it simple as he reaches out to grab Will’s hand.  
“And I promise.”

“I promise too,” says Will as they interlock their fingers and smile at each other.

Scene: Chicago Med, 1 P.M.

Will is standing at the front desk using the computer when Jay and Erin walk in.

“Jay, Erin, hey,” says Will looking up as they approach him. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Much to my protest, Jay and some of the people from work have decided to throw me a birthday party on Saturday,” says Erin playfully hitting Jay. “I’d like you to come Will. And you can bring someone if you want.”

“Like a certain dark haired doctor,” says Jay teasingly as Will gives him a look.

“Who? Wha....” starts Erin looking between the two of them. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Not here,” says Will looking around and motioning for them to follow him to the break room.  
He checks to make sure no one is in there before turning to face Erin and Jay.

“Guys, what’s going on?” asks a confused Erin.

“Will’s dating Connor Rhodes,” blurts out Jay who gets a look from Will. “Sorry, I couldn’t keep it in anymore.”

“Are you really?” asks Erin smiling at Will. “I like Connor, he’s a nice guy, and very handsome.”

“Yeah, but it’s all new,” says Will nervously. “He’s not out either.”

“Just be yourself Will,” says Erin as she walks closer to him. “If dating Connor makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. No one says you guys have to let the whole world into your lives.”

“Thanks Erin,” says Will as she gently touches him on the arm. “Where’s the party?”

“Molly’s, I’ll text you the details,” says Jay checking his phone and addressing Erin. “We have to get back to work.”

“See you Saturday Will,” says Erin as she and Jay walk out.

Scene: Chicago Med, Rooftop, 7 P.M.

Connor and Natalie, wearing their jackets, are both on break eating together. This is the first time they’ve had a chance to talk since last night.

“She was really sweet and apologetic and for the first time in a long time I felt like my sister was back,” says Connor as he takes a bite of his burger. “The way Claire was talking, the things she was saying, I was finally able to recognize the sister I used to know again. So we’re gonna start fresh and put this behind us.”

“I’m really glad to hear that,” says a genuine Natalie as she eats her pickle. “Will and I weren’t sure if we should go to her at all, but she is your sister and we thought you’d want some family so we gave it a shot.”

“It was good that you did,” says Connor smiling before putting a French fry in his mouth. “My strained relationship with Claire was bothering me more than I realized and it just feels like such a relief that she and I sorted things out. And it’s all because of you and Will. I can’t thank you enough for being so supportive last night. Your care, your concern, it means everything to me to have people who care about me like that. I was such a mess last night and without your support and without you bringing my sister, I don't know how I would’ve gotten over it.”

Natalie gently touches him on the arm and smiles before eating an onion ring.

“Claire had a lot of really nice things to say about you and Will,” says Connor taking the final bite and finishing his burger. “About your support for me, how much you care about me, how you were both angry at how my dad treated me. She also commented on how she can tell Will has strong feelings for me.”

“He does,” says Natalie as Connor cleans his hands with a napkin. “I didn't even realize how much he likes you until we were looking for you last night. I thought holding your hand was telling, but the way he acted, so worried and angry, the concern on his face, it’s obvious that he’s falling for you.”

Connor nods thinking back to his conversation with Will earlier and then checks his watch. 

“I think we should clean up,” says Connor as he grabs a plastic bag to throw their garbage away. “Our break’s over in ten minutes.”

They start cleaning up and turn when they hear the door to the roof open and see Will walking towards then.

“Hey Will,” says Natalie as Connor smiles at him.

“Hey,” says Will putting his hands in his pockets. “Can I talk to Connor for a minute?”

“Sure,” says Natalie looking between the two of them and grabbing the bag of garbage. “I’ll see you guys downstairs.”

Natalie walks off the roof and when they hear the door close, Connor and Will walk closer to each other.

“Hi,” says a smiling Connor looking into Will’s eyes. 

“Hi yourself,” says a grinning Will as he closes the gap between them and wraps him arms around Connor pulling him into a hug.

In response, Connor wraps him arms around Will and they just enjoying remaining in the embrace for a minute.

“What’d you want to talk to me about?” asks Connor as they break apart.

“Nothing,” says Will smiling and putting his hands in his pockets. “I just wanted to have you all to myself for a minute.”

“Oh really?” asks Connor smirking as he rests his hands on Will’s chest. “Damn, someone’s been working out.”

“Just trying to keep up with you,” says Will laughing and putting his hand on Connor’s bicep. “Look at these arms.”  
“I try,” says Connor as he puts his hand on Will’s arm. “You’re not too bad there yourself.”

They both laugh and smile at each other and the next they thing they know their lips are pressed together.

Fire, passion, intensity. Connor wraps his right arm around Will and pulls him closer so that their bodies are touching. Grinding since he can feel how turned on both of them are.

“Woah,” says Will as they break apart and he catches his breath. “You certainly don’t disappoint when it comes to kissing.”

“Neither do you,” says Connor smirking before checking his watch. “Shit, I gotta get back to work.”

“Lead the way,” says Will as he motions for Connor to go first and follows him back downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	18. Yes, You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I'd say this, but explicit content warning ahead.

Scene: Molly’s, Saturday, 7 P.M.

Jay and the rest of his coworkers took over Molly’s for the evening for Erin’s birthday party. They had food catered in, hot and cold food. Hero sandwiches, American and Italian, Chicken Marsala, Chicken Parmigiana, Penne all vodka, and stuffed mushrooms.

All of Erin and Jay’s coworkers are there in addition to Will, some of Engine 51’s firefighters, and Reese and Natalie from the hospital.

Everyone gathers around Erin who is standing in front of her cake with Jay holding his hand. Her ice cream cake says “Happy Birthday Erin” on it in red letters.

Everyone starts to sing and Erin laughs nervously, uncomfortable with everyone looking at and singing to her. Jay smiles at her and squeezes her hand.

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Erin, happy birthday to you.

As Will is singing, he looks around feeling something missing. Being surrounded by all these people, he feels empty and alone despite Erin, Jay, and Natalie being here. He wishes Connor was here, Connor fills this void that he’s feeling right now.

They finish singing and Antonio calls out “make a wish.”

Looking around, Erin closes her eyes and makes a wish blowing out her candles. Everyone claps and Jay kisses her.

Everyone sits back down as Erin cuts her cake and Jay grabs plates. Will and Natalie are sitting together.

“Are you ok?” asks a concerned Natalie. “You’ve been pretty quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” says Will looking down into his beer. “It’s just been a long week and I’m tired.”

“You miss him, don’t you?” asks Natalie causing Will to look up at her. “Connor.”

“What? No,” says Will shaking his head. “Don’t be ridiculous, I just saw him at work yesterday.”

“It’s ok to miss him,” says Natalie trying to get him to look at her. “Even if it’s just been a day. When you feel strongly for someone you’d be surprised how easily you can miss them.”

“I’m not like that,” says Will conflicted by his emotions. “Or at least I never was until I met Connor. I’ve dated before, but it’s never felt like this and it scares me. Falling for someone, so hard and so fast, I don’t know how to do that.”

Before Natalie can respond, Jay and Erin walk over with cake.

“Here you guys go,” says Jay giving each of them a piece of cake. 

“Having a good time?” asks Erin putting her hands on Will and Natalie’s shoulders.

“Yeah,” says Natalie as she takes a bite of the cake. “And this cake is delicious.”

“Everyone in the Chicago family loves you Erin,” says Will motioning to all the people. “Look how many are here to celebrate your birthday.”

Erin looks around and smiles.

“Not as much as I love all of you,” says Erin looking at Jay, Natalie, and Will. “Especially you three, I hold you guys closest to my heart of everyone here.”

They all smile touched by Erin’s sincerity.

“Did Connor come?” asks Jay casually as he sits down next to his brother.

Will turns his head at the mention of Connor’s name. “Why would Connor come?”

“I invited him,” says Erin as she puts her arms around Jay’s neck. “But I guess he didn’t show.”

Jay looks up and sees the door open to reveal Connor carrying a present.

“Or maybe he’s just late,” says Jay as they turn around to see Connor. “Looks like your date is here brother.”

Will blushes a little and looks down, clearly nervous.

Erin walks over to Connor. “Hey, thanks for coming.”

“Hey, happy birthday Erin” says Connor as she hugs him. “Sorry I’m so late, I worked later so Natalie could make it on time. This is for you.”

He hands her the present. “My sister helped me pick it out, I hope you like it.”

“That’s very sweet, thank you,” says Erin giving him a smile.

Connor looks around. “Full house I see, sorry I missed all the fun.”

“Are you hungry?” asks Erin as she puts the present down on the table behind her. “There’s still some food. And cake.”

“Uh, yeah, maybe,” says Connor searching the room for Will.

“He’s over there with Jay and Natalie,” says Erin knowingly as she motions to their table. “Go see your man.”

Connor laughs a little. “Thanks.”

Connor walks over to Jay, Natalie, and Will. Jay and Natalie are sitting one side of the table and Will is sitting on the other.

“Hey guys,” says Connor smiling at them. “Mind if I join?”

“Not at all,” says Jay as Connor takes a seat next to Will.

They talk for a few minutes about work and the party. Will and Connor barely make eye contact, both nervous at being out in public together.

“I’m gonna go see if there’s any food,” says Connor as he stands up and walks towards the buffet.

“I’m gonna go find Erin,” says Jay standing up and walking away. He wants the opportunity to get Connor alone to talk to him without Will knowing.

A few minutes later, Connor is finishing a hero sandwich and talking to Ruzek when Jay taps him on the shoulder.

“Hey,” says Jay as Connor turns around to face him. “Sorry to interrupt, but can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure,” says Connor as he turns to Ruzek. “Sorry Adam, I’ll catch up with you later.”

“No problem,” says Ruzek as Connor follows Jay over to a table in the corner on the other side of the room and out of Will’s line of sight.

“What’s up?” asks Connor unsure of why Will’s brother wants to talk to him. Jay motions for him to sit down which he does. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, everything's fine,” says Jay as he sits down across from Connor and puts his hands on the table. “I just wanted to talk about you and my brother.”

“Oh, um,” says Connor shifting uncomfortably as he looks around. “I’m not sure this is the best place.”

“No one can hear us over here,” says Jay as Connor anxiously puts his hands under the table. “Listen Connor, I don’t know you very well, but you've always seemed like a good guy; respectable and honest. My brother really likes you, I’ve never seen him like this about anyone before.”

“I really like him too,” interjects a sheepish Connor.

“That’s good,” says Jay tapping his hand on the table. “But we all know that things happen. Will is the single most important thing in this world to me, he is all the family I have left, and I have to look out for him. If you ever do anything to hurt him, I’ll find you.”

Before Connor can respond, Jay gets up leaving him there to process that. 

“Hey,” says Will walking over and interrupting Connor’s thoughts. “What are you doing over here?”

“Oh, I was just finishing my food,” lies Connor knowing Jay wouldn't want him to say anything. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” says Will sitting down. “I just kinda…I missed you.”

Connor smiles at hearing that. “I missed you too. I wasn’t really sure if I was going to come when I got off, but Erin was nice enough to invite me so I decided to. Plus I knew you’d be here and any excuse to see you out of work clothes.”

Will smiles unsure of what to say. This charming, handsome dark-haired doctor is sitting in front of him and all he wants to do is kiss him, but he can’t because they’re in public.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” asks Connor interrupting Will’s thoughts. “Go somewhere a little more quiet?”

“You read my mind,” says Will as he quickly gets up. “I’m gonna go find Erin and say goodbye.”

Will looks around and finds Erin talking to Burgess, Antonio, and Reese.

“Hey Erin,” says Will walking up next to her. “Sorry to interrupt, but I’m gonna get going. Long week, I’m beat.”

“Oh ok,” says Erin turning to face him. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” says Will as he pulls her into a hug. “Happy birthday. Tell Jay I’ll talk to him later.”

Erin nods as they break the hug and Will walks out. Before Erin can go back to her conversation, Connor comes over to her.

“Are you leaving too?” asks Erin.

“Yeah, I have some stuff I need to take care of,” says Connor casually. “But thank you for inviting me.”

“I’m glad you came,” says Erin as she hugs him. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t,” says Connor as they break their hug. “Bye.”

Erin smiles as Connor walks out knowing that Connor and Will most likely left to have some time together. She knows how hard it is to pretend nothing’s going on when you’re out in public, she and Jay used to do that all the time.

“Do you think something’s going on with Will and Connor?” asks Reese.

“Why would you think that?” asks Erin as she turns around surprised by the question.

“I don’t know,” says Reese taking a sip of her drink. “They just seem to always be together at the hospital lately. Whispering, sneaking around.”

“You don’t think they’re?” starts Burgess as she looks between Erin, Antonio, and Reese. “You know, like dating or something?”

“Last time I was at the hospital they were having a huge fight over a patient,” says Antonio sipping his beer. “But, hey, maybe two alphas like that are attracted to each other.”

“I think they’d make a cute couple,” says Reese as everyone else laughs a little. 

Erin wants to say something, but knows it is not her place.

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, 5 8.M.

“Thanks for inviting me,” says Will as he and Connor walk into the apartment. “My place is a mess.”

“No problem,” says Connor as he throws his keys on the table. “Can I get you something?”

‘Yes, you,’ thinks Will, but he’s too shy to say that aloud.

“No, I’m good, thanks,” says Will as he looks around. He didn’t really take notice of Connor’s apartment the last time he was here. Nothing fancy, kitchen, living room, small eating area. 

“Let’s sit,” says Connor as he walks over and plops down on the couch. 

He looks at Will expectantly. “I still don’t bite, promise.”

Will laughs and walks over to sit next to him. He notices Connor’s flatscreen television on the wall.

“Wow,” says Will pointing to it. “That is a really nice TV. What is it, 36 inches?”

“Thanks,” says Connor moving his eyes towards it. “It’s actually 42 inches. I got it on sale during Christmas, that’s the only way I was able to afford it.”

“That’s great,” says Will admiring the sleek television. “It must look great when you watch TV on it.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” says Connor turning back towards Will. “Anytime you wanna come over and watch on it, you’re welcome. I have Netflix and Hulu and a whole bunch of stuff on demand from my Verizon subscription.”

Will smiles at Connor’s cute comment. Man, he makes Will’s heart flutter.

“Do you wanna watch something now?” asks he leans forward to the coffee table and ruffles through papers looking for the remote. “The remote should be here somewhere.”

“No, that’s ok,” says Will reaching out and touching Connor’s arm. Connor looks at him.   
“Let’s just talk.”

“What do you wanna talk about?” asks Connor as he puts one leg under the other and faces Will.

“Tell me about the last guy you dated before Ralph,” says Will. “We’ve never really talked about our dating history.”

“Um,” says Connor pausing to figure out what to say. “His name was Steve, we did our med school rotations in the ER together. Working side by side on a daily basis we became friends and eventually developed feelings for each other. We wound up getting a job at the same hospital out of med school and we dated for about six months. But then he got offered a position at a hospital out of state and that was pretty much it for us.”

“Have you ever been in a serious relationship?” asks Will.

“Nope,” says Connor shaking his head. “What about you, who was the last guy you dated before Brian?”

“His name was Ben, we met at a party last summer,” says Will. “He’s a lawyer at a firm in Seattle, but was visiting Chicago for the summer. We hit it off right away and dated all summer. We tried to make the long distance thing work when he went back to Seattle, but it didn't last very long.”

“Have you ever been in love?” asks Connor.

“No,” says Will. “But I think I could be. With you.”

Connor eyes widen as he hears Will’s words. Woah.

“I’m sorry,” says Will leaning forward and shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have said that, that was too much.”

“No, Will, it’s ok,” says Connor cutting him off. “It wasn’t too much, I feel the same way.”

“You do?” asks Will tilting his head.

“Of course,” says Connor unable to suppress a smile. “You were really honest about your feelings the other day and all I could manage to say was that I feel the same. But I owe you more than that. You’ve awoken something inside me Will, something that I haven’t felt in a very long time, and that I can’t even explain properly. I think about you constantly, I miss you when we’re not together, and I know it’s all so fast, but I think I could love you too.”

Taken aback by Connor’s words and unsure of how to respond, Will leans forward and presses his lips against Connor’s. Responding instantly, Connor puts his hand on Will’s leg and tilts his head as he puts his tongue in Will’s mouth.

“Let’s get more comfortable,” says Will as he pushes Connor down on the couch and gets on top of him. He presses their bodies together and starts kissing Connor again. The kissing is frenzied and sloppy as the need to have their lips together is insatiable. They are both hard and start grinding their crotches together. 

“Oh my god,” moans Connor as Will starts nibbling on his ear. “Yes, oh, fuck yes. My ear, my ear is my spot.”

“Good to know,” says Will as he licks the outer edge of Connor’s ear feeling Connor squirm underneath him. Connor squeezes his arms around Will’s back getting lost in the sensation.

“Wait,” says Connor suddenly pushing Will of of him. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask you something before we keep going.”

A broody Will looks at Connor expectantly.

“Have you been tested recently for HIV and STD’s?” asks Connor unapologetic for the interruption. This is too important to ignore. “If we’re going to do this, then we need to have this conversation.”

Will smiles at Connor, no longer broody, but instead respectful of the fact that Connor stopped them to talk about this. 

“Of course,” says Will. “I get tested regularly for everything. I’m completely clean all of STD’s and HIV and I always have safe sex.”

“Ok good,” says Connor feeling a sense of relief wash over him. He’s surprised that they never had this conversation before, but he guesses it was just never pertinent until now. “Same here.”

“Good,” says Will pushing Connor back down onto the couch. “Now let’s get back to business.”

They start kissing again before Will sits up, straddling Connor. “Let’s get rid of some of these pesky clothes.”

Will pulls his shirt off much to Connor’s delight. He has a strong, solid body. There’s no 6 pack, but his chest is a good size with some red hair on it, his muscles are defined, and there’s little red hairs by his belly button.

“Now this is what I’m talking about,” says Connor as he runs his hand over Will’s body. “How come you hid this from me for so long?”

“Oh shush,” says Will laughing as he playfully puts his hand on Connor’s face. “Let’s see what you’re working with.”

Connor scoots up and takes his shirt off to reveal a very well defined body. His chest is big with little black hairs on it and while he doesn’t have a 6 pack either, an outline of abs can clearly be seen along with little black hairs by his belly button.

“Damn Rhodes,” says Will teasingly running his fingers over Connor’s body. “How come you’ve been hiding this from me for so long?”

Connor laughs and pulls Will back down against him for a kiss. This time, their bare bodies are pressed together. No more clothes, just flesh. The feeling of warm flesh turns both of them on more as they deepen the kiss. Connor wraps his legs around Will and pulls him even closer so that they’re practically humping.

“Why don’t we take this to my room?” asks Connor as he runs his tongue against Will’s neck. “My bed is much more suitable for this.”

“Lead the way,” says Will desire in his voice as he gets off of Connor who then stands up. He gives Will a quick kiss and grabs his hand leading him to the bedroom.

As soon as they enter Connor’s bedroom, Connor pushes Will onto the bed and climbs on top of him. They position themselves so that Will’s head is resting on a pillow and Connor slides down Will’s body. He uses his tongue and licks Will’s nipples and then traces his stomach with his tongue to Will’s treasure trail. Connor sees Will’s bulge and touches it, which causes Will to moan.

“Mm, got a surprise under there for me?” asks Connor playing with the hair on Will’s treasure trail.

Unable to form a coherent word, Will just wiggles his body responding to Connor’s hand resting on his bulge.

“Guess I’ll find out,” says Connor as he opens the button and undoes the fly on Will’s jeans pulling them off. Will’s hard cock is visible and prominent in his boxers.

Before Connor has a chance to do anything else, Will pulls him up to him and starts kissing him again. Deep and passionate kisses while using his hands to undo Connor’s jeans so now their erections, only covered by underwear, are pressing into each other.

“Mmmm, Will,” moans Connor as Will grabs Connor’s ass and pushes their cocks further together.

Connor reaches down to take off his boxers and gently, not breaking their kiss, lifts Will’s body and takes off his boxers as well. Now their very hard cocks are just flopping against each other as Connor and Will are locked in a very deep kiss.

“Holy shit,” cries a breathless Connor. “I’m…I’m, precumming.”

Will grins and pushes Connor off of him. “Do you have condoms and lube?”

“Yeah,” says Connor sitting up and looking at Will. “Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to.”

“I want to,” says Will as his cock twitches. 

Connor gives him a devilish smile and reaches into his nightstand to pull out condoms and lube. “Do you wanna be the top?”

“I’m versatile,” says Will running his hand over Connor’s chest. “So I was hoping we could flip.”

“Works for me,” says Connor smiling as he gets on top of Will again and kisses him.

It’s the first time Connor and Will have sex so they take their time and enjoy every moment. The way their lips feel, the way their cocks feel inside each other, the moment they each cum, the intensity of their orgasms. After such a long build up, all the fights, all the problems that got them here, they were finally able to release everything in two very pleasurable orgasms. They both know what getting fucked is like so they make sure to be gentle and patient when it’s their turn to top. But honestly, Connor inside Will and Will inside Connor doesn’t even feel like sex. Instead, as cliché as it sounds, it feels like making love. This isn’t just a quick fuck to get off; this is about the passion, the connection, and being close to each other in the most physical way possible.

Spent from their passionate sex, Connor lays his head on the pillow and smiles at Will. Will lays down next to him and Connor wraps his arms around Will’s waist pulling him in close. They slowly drift off to sleep, satisfied and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	19. This Is What Normal Feels Like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the support.

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, the next morning (Sunday), 9 A.M.

Connor opens his eyes and smiles when he sees and feels Will wrapped in his arms. Last night was plain amazing. He couldn’t have asked for anything better, especially for their first time. He could just lay here with Will like this all day.

“Good morning,” says Will groggily tilting his head back towards Connor.

“Good morning,” says Connor kissing Will’s cheek and unwrapping his arms from around him so he can move. “How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good,” says Will rubbing his eyes. “How about you?”

“Good,” says Connor moving to lay flat back on his back. “I liked waking up to you in my arms.”

“Me too,” says Will giving Connor a small kiss. “I wish I was off today so we could just spend all day in bed.”

“I know,” says Connor as he looks into Will’s eyes. Those eyes, he could just get lost in them for hours. “But let make you some breakfast before you go.”

Connor starts to get up, but Will pulls him back down. 

“Will,” starts Connor scratching his arm. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing at all,” says Will smiling at him. “I just…I really enjoyed last night.”

“Me too,” says Connor giving Will a kiss. “Eggs or pancakes?”

“Eggs are good,” says Will as Connor gets up and walks over to his dresser to put some clothes on. “Scrambled please.”

“Scrambled eggs coming up,” says Connor as he puts on a wifebeater and boxers. “Rest, I’ll call you when they’re done.”

“Thanks,” says Will laying back down as Connor walks into the kitchen.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, 10 A.M.

Will walks through the door with a big smile on his face and is startled to find Jay sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee.

“Jay,” says Will as he closes the door. “Am I gonna have to take my key back? What are you doing here?”

“Relax Will,” chides Jay. “My dryer is still broken and I had some laundry to do. I tried calling you and I knocked, but no answer.”

Will pulls out his phone and sees two missed calls from Jay. He was having breakfast with Connor and didn’t hear his phone ring. “You’re right. My bad, sorry.”

“Where were you?” asks Jay who grins when he notices Will’s clothes. “Wait a minute, you’re wearing the same clothes you were wearing at the party. Were you out all night?”

“So what if I was?” asks Will as he walks by Jay and into his bedroom.

Jay sits at the counter smiling, waiting for Will to return.

A couple of minutes later, Will walks back into the kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee. 

“You were with Connor last night, weren’t you?” asks Jay still grinning. “Erin told me you guys left at the same time.”

“Maybe,” says a sheepish Will leaning against the counter and holding his coffee cup in his hand.

Jay gives him a ‘come on’ look.

“Fine, yes,” says an exasperated Will. “If you must know, I was with Connor last night.”

“Don’t be like that Will,” says Jay sipping his coffee. “You know I’m only asking because I want you to be happy.”

Will walks over and sits across from Jay. “I know Jay, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m trying to hide it, I guess I’m still not used to sharing this part of my life.”

“I understand,” says Jay nodding. “Was it good at least?”

“Very good,” says Will not sure how much his brother is comfortable hearing. “Connor is a very passionate and attentive lover.”

“Good,” says Jay putting his hands on the counter. “It's important to be with someone who pays attention to your needs too instead of only their own. Did you guys use protection?”

“Ugh Jay,” says Will making a face. “Of course we used protection. Do you wanna know what positions we had sex in too?”

“Hey,” says Jay defensively. “You guys may not have to worry about getting pregnant, but there’s all sorts of STD’s to worry about. Not mention HIV.”

“I’ve always had safe sex and I’m completely clean of everything,” says Will understanding his brother’s concern and softening his tone. “Connor too. We talked about it before we did anything.”

“That’s good,” says Jay sipping his coffee. “Do you remember when Sarah and I had that pregnancy scare?”

“Do I ever,” says Will taking a deep breath. “That was what, five years ago? I thought dad was gonna pop a vein.”

“Yeah,” says Jay thinking about it. “I think four or five years. Dad was his usual self and I didn’t even tell mom because she was too sick. Those three days until Sarah got her period were three of the scariest of my life and you were my rock the whole time.”

“That’s what brothers are for,” says a sincere Will.

Jay gives him a smile. Their whole lives it's just been the two of them. Their dad was a drunk asshole more concerned with his next drink than their family. Their mom was sweet, but she struggled with cancer for so many years, in and out of chemo and radiation, that she physically couldn’t take care of them. Jay and Will both had to grow up fast, taking care of themselves, their mom, and even their dad, and it forever bonded them. Nothing could ever between the Halstead brothers. 

“So, is Connor your boyfriend?’ asks Jay curiously. 

“Not yet,” says Will unable to suppress a smile. “We’re not labeling anything right now.”

“I’m happy for you Will,” says Jay as Will gets up. “You’ve been so happy lately, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”

Will washes his cup in the sink and turns around to face his brother, crossing his arms over his chest. “Thanks Jay. It's just…there’s something really special about Connor. He makes me feel like I’m flying when I’m him and it feels like the world stops when I’m with him.”

“Wait,” says Jay getting up and walking over to his brother. “Is he the guy you said you liked, but had no chance with?”

“Yeah, he is,” says Will looking down. “As much as he always pushed my buttons at work, I liked him. I never thought he was gay or that he would like me if he was. And now here we are.”

“See brother,” says Jay as he hears the dryer beep. “Life has a way of working out and putting you where you’re supposed to be.”

“You’re right,” says Will who checks his watch. “I’m gonna shower and get ready for work, please clean up the laundry room after you’re done making a mess.”

“Hey,” shouts Jay as Will walks out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. “I never make a mess.”

Scene: Chicago Med, 2 P.M.

Will is sitting in the break room eating lunch when Natalie walks in.

“Hey Will,” says Natalie as she walks over to her locker. “I heard you had a fun night last night.”

“What’d you hear?” asks Will furrowing his brow and speaking loud enough so Natalie can hear him by her locker. 

“Well I spoke to Connor,” says Natalie walking over to the table and sitting down. “And he said you two, well, you know, had sex.”

“We did,” says Will unashamed. “It was pretty great. But, what did he say about it?”

“That it was a very special night,” says Natalie thinking back to the texts she exchanged with Connor earlier. “One of the best nights of his life.”

Will smiles and feels his heart flutter when Natalie says that. Aw, that’s sweet.

“You’re really smitten with him,” says Natalie responding to Will’s smile. “And he’s totally crazy about you.”

“He’s special,” says Will taking another bite of his pizza. “Getting to know him, I’ve realized that my initial impressions of him were wrong, He’s sweet, caring, and thoughtful.”

“And how is he in bed?” asks a grinning Natalie who gets a ‘really?’ look from Will. “Oh come on, you can tell me. I won’t say anything to Connor.”

Will laughs. “He’s very good in bed. Gentle and attentive. Passionate too.”

Natalie squeals. “This is adorable, you guys are so cute.”

Will laughs again amused by Natalie’s excitement.

Natalie’s phone beeps. “Ok, my test results are ready so I gotta go. I’ll catch up with you later.”

Will nods as Natalie walks off content to finish his lunch and get back to work.

Will’s phone beeps and he takes it out of his pocket to see a text from Connor.

Connor: Hey, I have to come by the hospital later to drop off some papers to Goodwin. Do you wanna grab some dinner when you go on break?

Will: Yeah, that sounds good. I can take my break around 7.

Connor: Great, see you then :)

Will smiles as he puts his phone back in his pocket. Having dinner with Connor, that sounds almost normal. 

Scene: Chicago Med, Rooftop, 7:30 P.M.

Connor and Will went down the street and grabbed some Chinese food, which Connor insisted on paying for despite Will’s protests. They’re now on the roof spending a little time alone before Will goes back to work.

“They’ve been dating on and off for a while,” says Will taking a seat. “At first, their boss wouldn’t let them date because they’re partners, but eventually he came around.”

“They’re a cute couple,” says Connor sitting down next to Will. “I don’t really know either of them too well, but you’re brother seems like a good guy and Erin is very sweet.”

“Yeah, Erin’s a sweetheart,” says Will looking at Connor. “She’s so warm and loving with a really big heart. And my brother’s great, it’s always been me and him. You and him should get to know each other.”

“I’d like that,” says Connor nodding affirmatively as he thinks back to his conversation with Jay yesterday. If you ever do anything to hurt him, I’ll find you.

“I wish I didn’t get off so late tonight,” says Will checking his watch. “I hate working until 11.”

“I know, that’s my least favorite shift too,” says Connor finishing his soda. “At least we’re getting a chance to see each other.”

“That’s the best part of this day,” says Will leaning in towards Connor. “Aside from waking up next to you this morning of course.”

“Of course,” says Connor smiling as he leans in the rest of the way and they kiss. Slow, gentle, delicate. No hands, just their lips. And their tongues too.

The door to the roof opens and Will and Connor quickly break their kiss turning to see Ethan and Reese. But it’s too late because Ethan and Reese definitely saw them kissing.

“Ethan, Reese,” says Connor as he and Will stand up.

“How are we all on break at the same time?” asks Will hoping to distract them.

“ER’s empty, Natalie and April have it covered for now,” says Ethan as his face softens. “It’s ok guys, you don’t have to be ashamed.”

“Wha…what…what are you talking about?” stammers Will as he looks at Connor.

“We saw the two of you kissing,” says Reese as she and Ethan look at each other. “It’s pretty obvious that you’re dating or are together or whatever.”

“And it’s fine,” says Ethan reassuringly. “All we want is for you guys to be happy.”

“You’re not,” starts Connor addressing Ethan. “Like grossed out or anything?”

“Of course not,” says Ethan shaking his head. “Being gay is exactly the same as being straight, it’s how you’re born, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. When I was in the navy, I served with a couple of gay guys and we became best friends. No one should be judged for who they are.”

“Ethan’s right,” says Reese. “Being gay is natural. Plus I think you guys make a handsome couple.”

Will and Connor look at each other and smile. Connor walks over to Will and puts his arm around him. 

“Like picture handsome?” asks Connor jokingly as Will lightly hits him and they all laugh.

“Thanks guys,” says Will biting his lip. “Your support means everything. Just please don’t say anything to anyone else, we’re gonna do it when we’re ready.”

“Of course,” says Reese as she and Ethan nod. “Whenever you guys are ready.”

“Your secret’s safe with us,” says Ethan.

They all smile at each other and Will kisses Connor’s hand. Now this is what normal feels like.

Two hours later, Will is standing at the front desk using the computer. He can’t wait to go home, an hour and a half left.

A tall man with big blue eyes walks up to the front desk. He has blonde hair that is a little long and gelled back at the top and faded a little on the sides and a handsome face with a few barely noticeable scratches on it. He’s wearing a red t-shirt accentuating his muscles, gray jeans, and a black hoodie. 

“Hi,” says the man causing Will to look up. “I’m here to see Dr. Manning.”

Will gives the man a once over. Very attractive and clearly hits the gym. “Sure, what’s your name?

“Jesse,” says the man putting his hands in his pockets. “Jesse Fields.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	20. This Was Never How Things Were Supposed To Go

Scene: Chicago Med, continued

“Hey April,” says Will turning behind him. “Do you know where Natalie is? There’s a patient here for her.”

“She just got a phone call inside,” says April making notes on a chart. “I’ll go let her know.”

“Thanks,” says Will turning back to Jesse. “Dr. Manning will just be a minute.”

“No problem,” says Jesse running his hand over the scratches on his face. Since his accident a month and a half ago, they’ve healed a lot. In fact, they’re barely even visible, but Jesse’s worried about scaring. “Is Dr. Rhodes working tonight?”

“Hm,” says Will turning his attention from the computer to Jesse. “No, he’s off tonight.”

“Oh, ok,” says Jesse nodding.

Natalie comes walking over to the front desk.

“Jesse, hey,” says Natalie adjusting her stethoscope. “Sorry for the wait.”

“No problem,” says Jesse giving her a smile.

“Come on,” says Natalie motioning with her hand. “Let’s check you out and see how you’re healing.”

Will watches them walk off to one of the exam rooms, brushing off Jesse’s question about Connor. He could’ve done intake or something when Jesse came in.

Will shrugs, not seeing a reason to give it another thought, and goes back to working on the computer. Is it time to go home yet?

Scene: Chicago Med, the next morning (Monday), 8 A.M.

Will walks into the break room yawning and sets his cup of coffee down on the counter. He was so tired when he got home last night that he just passed out. The next thing he knew his alarm was waking him up this morning; he hates working late and then having to be in early the next morning.

Suppressing another yawn, Will walks over to his locker room to put his stuff away. He hears the door to the break room open followed by footsteps. The next thing he knows a pair of arms are wrapped around his waist, Connor’s arms.

“Good morning,” says Connor kissing the back of Will’s neck.

“Good morning,” says Will smiling as he closes his locker and relaxes into Connor’s arms. “How long have you been here?

“Just a few minutes,” says Connor resting his chin on Will’s neck. “I’ve been waiting for you to come in. I hated having to leave you last night.”

“I know,” says Will resting his hand on top of Connor’s. “Me too.”

Connor holds Will for a moment before he unwraps him from his arms and Will turns around.

“I like the scruffy look,” says Will running his hand over Connor’s beard. “Very sexy.”

“I try,” says Connor jokingly as Will runs his finger along Connor’s lips. He leans in and kisses Connor who happily kisses him back.

“Can I ask you a question?” asks Will as they break apart.

“Sure,” says Connor smiling as he puts his hands on Will’s hips. “Anything.”

“It’s probably nothing, just me being silly,” says Will trying to put this right way. “A guy came in last night to see Natalie and he asked about you. I’m sure it’s nothing, but I got some kind of vibe. Do you know him? His name’s Jesse Fields.”

Connor’s face drops. Fuck.

“What’s wrong?” asks Will as Connor pulls his hands back. “Do you know him?”

Connor starts pacing. How could this have happened? One little lie already blowing up in his face, he never even thought that Jesse would come see Natalie and Will might be there.

“Connor,” says Will getting worried. “Talk to him, do you know this guy?”

Connor takes a deep breath knowing he has to bite the bullet. “I do know him. Jesse’s my ex-boyfriend.”

“Ex-boyfriend?” asks a confused Will. “But you told you’ve never been in a serious relationship. Unless it wasn’t serious.”

“I know,” says Connor looking down. “It was serious.”

“How serious?” asks Will swallowing hard. He feels like he can’t even stand right now. Connor lied to him.

Connor sighs knowing he’s fucked. “Very serious. We were together for over a year and in love.”

Will grabs onto his locker to keep himself from falling. He feels like someone just knocked the wind out of him.

“So you lied to me?” asks Will in disbelief. These feelings, the betrayal, the hurt, they’re all rushing up to the surface and they feel like they’re going to consume him.

“I did,” says Connor dejectedly. “But I can explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain,” says Will putting his hand out in front of him. “You…I trusted you…I opened up to you, and you lied right to my face.”

“Will, please,” says Connor pleadingly. This can’t be happening.

“No,” says an emotional Will shaking his head. “I…I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“Will,” says Connor desperately as he moves closer to him.

“Stay back,” says Will blinking back tears. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

Before Connor can say another word, Will runs out of the break room and he is left standing there speechless. How did that just happen?

Scene: Chicago Med, 2 P.M.

Connor knocks on Goodwin’s door.

“Come in,” calls Goodwin.

Connor opens the door and walks in. 

“Dr. Rhodes,” says Goodwin looking up. “Thanks for coming, have a seat.”

Connor sits down wondering why Goodwin called him in. Does she know about him and Will?

“I thought your dad gave a good speech the other night,” says Goodwin taking off her glasses. “But I spoke to a member of the Board and apparently he’s gunning for chairman, which is why I called you in here. To tell you.”

Connor gives her a look unsure of what to say, but knowing his face will probably give him away.

“I’ll take it that you already knew judging by the look on your face,” says Goodwin adjusting her position. “Apparently his speech was the final step in proving his worth to the Board and it seems that it might’ve been successful.”

“What does that mean?” asks Connor. “Is he going to be the new chairman?”

“An almost majority of the board wants him,” explains Goodwin. “A sizable minority are against him because they’re not in favor of what he wants.”

“What does he want?” asks Connor curiously.

“Your dad plans to tighten the Board’s grip on the hospital,” says Goodwin walking around to the other side of her desk. “Decisions about transplants, long-term treatments for patients, and experimental drug trials will all have to be approved by the Board. He also wants to appoint a Board liaison to work with me side-by-side in order to make sure the decisions I make fall in line with the politics governing the Board. The last thing he wants is monthly evaluations of every doctor in the hospital.”

“My dad certainly knows how to let power go to his head,” says Connor shaking his head. “Are you going to fight him?”

“I’m siding with the minority members against your father,” says Goodwin taking a seat next to Connor. “We’re hiring a lawyer to see if we can stop him because what he wants is outrageous. This hospital runs on its autonomy, scrutinizing everything we do will make us less effective.”

“What can I do?” asks Connor.

“Nothing right now,” says Goodwin leaning forward. “But if this gets intense, you and everyone else in the hospital might have to pick a side because the lawyers and the Board could want a consensus on where the hospital staff stands. So I need to know that I’ll have your support if that time comes.”

“Absolutely,” says Connor scratching his arm. “My dad is a power hungry businessman looking to take control of anything and everything he can. I don’t want him to be the chairman and I’ll do whatever I can to stop him.”

“Very good Dr. Rhodes, thank you” says Goodwin as she gets up and walks back behind her desk. “I’m not telling anyone else about this right now. I just wanted to tell you since he’s your father so please don’t say anything.”

“No problem,” says Connor standing up.

“You should get back to work,” says Goodwin as she sits down and puts her glasses back on.

Connor nods affirmatively and walks out of her office.

He shuts the door and when he gets into the hall, he takes his phone out of his pocket and texts Will again. He has to get Will to talk to him.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, 6 P.M.

Connor is sitting on Will’s stoop waiting for him to come home. He wasn’t able to get Will to talk to him at work all day or answer any of his messages so this is the only way. 

“Are you stalking me now?” asks Will as he walks up to his apartment and sees Connor.

“No,” says Connor looking up. “You avoided me all day and haven’t answered any of my texts, this was my only option. Please talk to me Will.”

Will looks at Connor torn between inviting him in and telling him to go home. Looks like the former wins tonight.

“Fine,” says Will as he walks to the door and pulls out his keys. “Come on in.”

Will unlocks and opens the door and Connor follows him inside.

Will puts his stuff down and, leaning on the kitchen counter, turns around to face Connor who is awkwardly leaning against the wall.

“So I just have one question,” says Will crossing his arms over his chest. “Was any of it real or was it all a lie?”

“Of course it was real, all of it,” says Connor hurt by the insinuation, but understanding it. “Everything I did, everything I said, was the truth.”

“Except when you told me you’ve never been in a serious relationship,” retorts Will. “That was a lie.” 

“It was,” says Connor as he walks closer to Will. “But there was a reason.”

“I’m listening,” says Will expectantly as he scratches his shoulder.

“Four years ago, Jesse and I were in a relationship and were in love. But I was in the closet and scared of how serious our relationship was. Jesse always talked about the future and I just couldn’t deal with all of it,” explains Connor making motions with his hands. “So I walked out on Jesse one day without so much as an explanation and left to Riyadh. I broke his heart and left him and dry for four years wondering what happened. My feelings for him, being gay, it all petrified me so much at the time that I chose the easier option of being selfish and running away. I didn’t tell you about it because things have been going so well for us and I didn’t want you to see how selfish I could be. Not yet anyway. I was afraid you wouldn’t look at me the same way and walk away when you learned that I destroyed the only relationship I ever had because I was selfish.”

“So you’d rather me walk away because you lie?” snaps Will. “Do you still love him?”

“A part of me will always love Jesse because he was my first love,” says Connor hoping Will understands. “But my heart isn’t with him anymore, it hasn’t been in a long time. My heart is with you Will.”

“What I don’t understand Connor,” says a frustrated Will taking a seat at the kitchen counter. “We promised to always be honest with each other and two days later you lied right to my face. How can I believe anything you’ve said to me? How do I know it wasn’t all one big lie?”

“Will, please,” says Connor feeling the emotion building up. “I was wrong and I’m sorry. But I want to be with you.”

“I want to believe you Connor, I really do,” says Will taking a deep breath. “Because I get it. All of it, I really do. I understand why you lied. And I understand that you’ll always love Jesse because I feel the same about my first love.”

Will trails off for a moment as his tears are threatening to spill. “But what I can’t get past, what I can’t understand is how you could lie to me. It’s not like it was some trivial white lie; it was a lie about a relationship from your past with a guy you loved. That’s a big deal. If you lied to me about something like that, what else have you lied to me about?”

“Nothing,” says Connor desperately taking a few steps towards Will. “Everything I did and said was completely genuine.”

“I don’t believe you,” says Will shaking his head as single tears drip down his cheek. “And what really gets me is this stuff about being closeted and running from who you are, that’s one of the biggest things we have in common. I think it was wrong what you did to Jesse, but I get, better than anyone else could, why you did it. I just can’t understand how you could lie to me about that. How could you not think I’d understand?”

Affected by Will’s words and emotion, Connor wipes away a few single tears and walks up to Will grabbing his hands. “I should’ve had more faith in you and us and I should’ve realized that you’d understand. I was such an idiot, but I can’t lose you Will. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You fill this ache, this void inside me, that I never knew could be filled. You make everything better just by being here. I am so sorry.”

Will is touched by Connor’s words, he feels the same, but he can’t just let this go.

“No,” says an angry Will pulling his hands back. “You can’t just say the right things and think this is going to go away. We’re supposed to be building trust and you broke that. I opened up to you, telling you things about my family that no one knows. I let my guard down and allowed myself to be vulnerable. I was so stupid to believe anything you said. You don’t really have feelings for me, it was all a game.”

“Will,” says Connor inching closer to Will.

“Get out!” shouts Will stepping back squinting because the tears are blurring his vision. “This, whatever this was, is over. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

Taking a deep breath, Connor fights back his own tears. “I’m sorry Will, this was never how things were supposed to go.”

“Just go!” cries Will facing the kitchen counter so Connor doesn’t see him continuing to cry.

Connor sighs. Defeated, he walks towards the door to leave. He can’t believe he fucked this up and hurt Will, what is wrong with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	21. We All Do Things We Regret

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, the next morning (Tuesday), 7 A.M.

Connor, wearing a white wifebeater and black sweatpants, groggily walks into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. He had such a miserable night’s sleep, he couldn’t turn his mind off from what happened with Will, and he barely slept as a result.

He puts some coffee on and sits down at the counter holding his phone in his hands. He wishes that last night was just a bad dream, that he didn’t single handedly ruin his relationship with Will. All he wants to do right now is text him, but he knows Will doesn’t want to hear from him. There is someone he can text though.

Fifteen minutes later, there is a knock on Connor’s door. He gets up to answer it and smiles when he sees his sister.

“Claire,” says Connor happy to see her. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” says Claire as Connor ushers her inside. “I’m glad you texted me.”

“Can I get you anything?” asks Connor as they walk into the kitchen.

“Coffee would be good, thanks,” says Claire as Connor motions for her to sit at the counter which she does.

Connor pours Claire some coffee and after giving it to her, he sits across from her at the counter.

“What’s going on Connor?” asks a concerned Claire. “You look exhausted and you never text me this early.”

“It’s over with Will,” says Connor whose voice is barely above a whisper as he looks down into his coffee cup. “I ruined everything.”

“What happened?” asks Claire putting her coffee down.

“I lied to him,” says a dejected Connor shifting in his seat. “He asked me if I had ever been in a serious relationship and I said no. But then he figured out there was something with me and Jesse. So I had to tell him the truth about what I did to Jesse and that I lied to him. And it was bad, really bad. The pain in his voice, his tears…I’m the one that caused that and it kills me.”

Single tears are dripping down Connor’s cheek and Claire reaches out to grab Connor’s hand to comfort him.

“Aw Connor, I’m sorry,” says Claire sympathetically. “How come you lied to him?”

“Because I was so ashamed to admit to him how I treated Jesse,” says Connor sniffling. “I made such a selfish decision by running away from Jesse and I didn’t want Will to know that side of me. Not this early on. I was afraid that if he knew that I destroyed my relationship with Jesse then he would walk away.”

Connor pauses to choke back tears. “But he walked away anyway because I lied to him. I broke his trust and destroyed his faith in me.”

Connor breaks down in tears as soon as the words finish passing his lips. Claire walks over and pulls her brother into a hug.

“Shh, it’s ok” says Claire rubbing his back as Connor cries on her shoulder. “It’s ok Connor, it’ll all be ok.”

“How can it ever be ok?” asks Connor through tears as they pull apart. “I was falling in love with Will and in one foul swoop, I destroyed everything we worked on building. He’s the only person who’s ever made me feel complete and now he’ll never trust me again.”

Claire looks at her brother, her heart breaking to see him in such pain.

“We all mistakes,” says Claire as Connor wipes away his tears. “No one’s perfect, we all do things that we regret.”

“I guess I couldn’t take your advice,” says Connor as he feels the emotion threatening to overtake him again. “I pushed Will away because I couldn’t be honest. And like Jake for you, there will never be another Will for me.”

Connor breaks down in tears again and Claire protectively wraps her arms around her brother in another embrace.

“Let it out,” says Claire soothingly as she feels Connor’s body shaking under her. “Let it all out, I’m here.”

Scene: Chicago Med, 8 A.M.

Will is sitting in the break room eating a bagel and drinking a cup of coffee. He closes his eyes for a second wanting to pretend that last night didn’t happen. Connor lied to him. If it was so easy for Connor to lie to him about having once been in love, what else did he lie to Will about? Was any of it real? 

Will looks up and sees Natalie walks into the break room.

“Good morning,” says Natalie pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“Morning,” says Will quietly staring at his bagel.

“What’s up?” asks Natalie as she sits down next to Will and grins. “You look tired, late night with Connor?”

“I guess you could say that,” says Will playing with his fingers. “We ended things last night.”

“What?!” cries Natalie practically spitting out her coffee. “Oh my god Will, are you ok?”

“I was pretty broken up last night,” says Will looking up at her. “But now I just feel numb.”

“What happened?” asks Natalie tilting her head.

“I found out that he lied to me about his relationship with Jesse Fields,” says Will as a matter of fact. “I asked him point blank if he had been in a serious relationship and he said no. But when Jesse was here the other night, he asked about Connor. I didn’t think anything of it, but when I asked Connor, he told me the truth and that he lied.”

Natalie gives Will a guilty look.

“You knew, didn’t you?” asks Will reading her expression.

“I did,” says Natalie unsure of how Will’s going to respond to this. “Jesse was brought into the ER about a month and a half ago and while he was here, I walked in on him and Connor talking about their relationship. That’s actually how I found out about Connor being gay. I’m sorry Will, I just assumed Connor would’ve told you.”

“It’s not your fault,” says Will meeting her eyes. “It wasn’t your place to tell me anyway. It was Connor’s and he chose to lie to me about it.”

“I’m sorry Will,” says Will reaching out to grab his hand. “I know how much this must hurt.”

“It hurts,” says Will nodding his head. “But I also feel like an idiot. For opening up to him and being vulnerable when all he was doing was playing a game. I thought we were working on building something real based on honesty and trust. But if he lied to me about that, then who knows what else he lied to me about. I can’t help but think that it was all one big lie.”

Natalie looks at Will sympathetically; betrayal and broken trust are tough pills to swallow.

“Can I do anything for you?” asks Natalie sipping her coffee.

“Just being here and listening is enough, thanks,” says Will smiling for the first time in hours. “And I could also use a buffer if I run into Connor when you’re around.”

“You got it,” says Natalie reassuringly squeezing his hand.

Scene: Chicago Med, 10 A.M.

Connor walks in through the entrance doors and sees Maggie.

“Good morning Maggie,” says Connor trying to be casual.

“Good morning Dr. Rhodes,” says Maggie not looking up from her phone.

He walks past the front desk and looks into the break room to see if Will is in there, which he’s not.

“Looking for someone?” asks Natalie walking up behind Connor.

“Natalie, hey,” says Connor turning around to face her. “I was just heading in to put my stuff away.”

“We need to talk,” says an agitated Natalie as she walks into the break room.

Connor follows her and closes the door. Adjusting his book bag on his shoulder, he turns to face Natalie who has a very serious expression on her face.

“What's up?” asks Connor hoping she doesn’t know.

“How could you do this to him?” asks Natalie in an accusatory tone. “Lie to Will, betray his trust, destroy everything you guys worked on building.”

Of course she knows, did Connor expect really expect that Will wouldn’t tell her? Will and Natalie were close before he and Natalie ever became friends. 

“My intention was never to hurt Will,” says an ashamed Connor. “I lied because I was afraid that Will would get scared away when he saw the side of me that could be selfish and treat people the way I did Jesse. But it turns out my selfishness wound up ruining what we had anyway. I’m not proud of myself and I regret it very much.”

Natalie’s expression softens when she hears the sincerity in his voice. “I’m sorry Connor, I shouldn’t have taken that tone. I was just…Will is devastated.”

Connor looks down sadly before walking over to his locker to put his stuff away.

“It’s all my fault,” says Connor as he walks back over to her. “I understand why you’re mad at me, I’m mad at me too. But you have to know Natalie that, despite what Will thinks, my feelings for him were never a lie. I just made a mistake.”

“I know,” says Natalie softly. She believes Connor, she saw first hand how genuine his feelings for Will were. “I care about both you so I'm not going to pick sides. I’m going to be neutral like Switzerland.”

Connor laughs. “Thanks Natalie.”

“Of course,” says Natalie giving him a smile. Situations like this aren’t easy, she knows firsthand that both people hurt, so it’s best she remains neutral. 

Scene: Chicago Med, 7 P.M.

Will is standing outside, book bag and jacket on, waiting for Jay and Erin to come pick him up. 

“Will,” calls a voice from behind him that he recognizes as Connor. Fuck.

Will doesn’t turn around, but he can feel Connor walking towards him. His heart starts beating fast, he really doesn't want to do this right now.

“Can we talk?” asks Connor walking over to Will and adjusting his book bag on his shoulder.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” says Will coldly as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“You can’t just give up on us,” says Connor desperately trying to get any kind of reaction out of him. “There’s too much between us to just walk away from.”

Will laughs a little as Connor’s comment. There’s too much between them, who is he kidding?

“The only thing between us is lies and betrayal,” says Will icily as he walks to the side of the building trying to get away from Connor.

Alas, Connor follows him refusing to give up.

“I made a mistake,” says Connor pleadingly. “But that doesn’t negate all the progress we made in our relationship. Please don’t give up on us.”

“There’s nothing to give up on because we never had anything!” shouts Will unable to hold in his anger and frustration. “Everything we had was based on lies, your lies. You played me like some trick getting me to open up to you as part of your game. Nothing you claimed to have felt for me was genuine.”

Connor is not surprised to hear Will say, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. He swallows hard choking back the emotion. “That is not true Will, you know that. I don’t know how to make you understand.”

“Don’t fucking bother,” shouts Will angrily. “I will never believe another word that comes out of your mouth.”

“Will,” calls Jay as Will and Connor turn to see Erin and Jay walking towards them. 

“Is everything ok?” asks Jay looking between the two of them.

“You should ask your brother,” says Connor as he walks off.

“What’s going on?” asks Erin as she turns her head to see Connor getting into his car. “Did you two have a fight?”

Will takes a deep breath to calm down. “No, we didn't have a fight. Things are over between me and Connor.”

“Over?” asks a confused Jay. “What happened?”

“It was all a lie,” says Will as he starts pacing and his anger turns into pain. “One big lie. All of it. Connor lied to me about his past, about his feelings for me, about everything.”

Erin and Jay watch as tears form in Will’s eyes and he stops pacing. Concerned, they walk closer to him.

“I was such an idiot,” says Will choking back the emotion. “I believed he and I had a future, that I opened myself up to the right person, but it was just a game.”

Tears are dripping down Will’s cheek and he drops his book bag onto the ground. “I…I feel so empty inside. It hurts…it hurts so bad. Every second I breathe.”

Will completely breaks down in tears as his legs give out and his body crumbles to the ground only to be held steady by Jay and Erin. They gently help a crying Will onto his knees and Jay bends down to his level and pulls his brother into a hug letting him cry on his shoulder. Erin stands there with tears in her eyes, overwhelmed by Will’s pain.

“It’s ok brother,” says an emotional Jay affected by his brother's breakdown. He tightens the hug when he feels Will’s crying body shaking under his. “It’s gonna be ok, I’m here.”

They stay like that for a few minutes until Will calms down and Erin and Jay are able to take him home. They spend the night, not wanting to leave Will alone.


	22. Not That I Blame Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for all the support.

Scene: Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Wednesday), 8 A.M.

Erin and Jay are sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee both still wearing their clothes from last night since they slept in the guest room. Jay is glad to have Erin by his side for all this because his concern for Will has reached new heights. He thought it was bad when Brian and Will broke up, but this is a whole new level.

“I don’t know what to do Erin,” says Jay shaking his head. “I mean, you saw him. This is worse than when he broke up with Brian, he was an absolute wreck last night. The only time I’ve seen him cry that much is when our mom died. I don’t know how to help him.”

“You just have to be there for him Jay,” says Erin sipping her coffee. “At a time like this, Will needs you more than ever. You’re probably the only person Will feels he can trust right now.”

“And you,” interjects Jay.

“I’m not family,” says Erin gently. “You’re his brother and family is exactly what Will needs right now.”

“You are my family Erin,” says Will walking into the kitchen causing Jay and Erin to look up. His hair is all messed up and he’s wearing a pair of gray sweat pants and a blue sweatshirt. “Blood or not.” 

Erin smiles as his sweet comment. “Thank you Will. You’re my family too.”

He smiles at her and walks over to the cabinet to find a coffee cup.

“How are you feeling?” asks Jay as Will pours himself coffee.

“Alright,” says Will as he joins them at the counter. “I’m sorry about last night, I feel like you guys are always picking me up from these horrible emotional states.”

“Don’t you ever apologize for that,” says Jay sternly pointing his coffee cup at Will. “We’re brothers and I love you, I’m here to be strong when you need me.”

“Jay’s right,” says Erin putting her hand on top of Jay’s. “We’re always here for you.”

“Thank guys,” says Will smiling at them and sipping his coffee. A brother like Jay and someone like Erin in his corner are priceless.

“Do you wanna tell us more about what happened?” asks Jay sipping his coffee. “You don’t have to.”

Will takes a deep breath. “I found out Connor lied to me when I asked him if he had ever been in a relationship. He claims that he was scared to tell me because he was ashamed of the fact that he was selfish and hurt his ex-boyfriend as a result. He thought that I'd run away when I learned about how his selfish behavior destroyed their relationship. But for me, man, honesty was the backbone of everything Connor and I were building. If he could lie to be about something as important as a past relationship, what else has he been lying to me about?”

“So you think his feelings for you were a lie?” asks Erin trying to follow Will’s train of thought.

“I…I don’t know,” says Will shrugging his shoulders while looking down into his coffee cup. “I want to believe his feelings were real, but I know firsthand how easy lying becomes when you’re in the closet, so what if they were all lies? I feel hurt and betrayed that he lied and I’m also offended that he felt he had to lie instead of telling me the truth. His one lie has me questioning everything that had happened between us. A part of me believes his feelings were real, but the other part raises a red flag telling me that I can’t trust him and that it was all just a game where Connor played with my emotions.”

They sit in silence for about a minute while Erin and Jay process what Will just told them. Jay feels his anger towards Connor spike, but he doesn’t want Will to see him like that and make things worse. Jay warned Connor about hurting his brother though so now Jay can’t be held responsible for his actions.

“I understand,” says Erin breaking the silence while Jay sits back in thought. “Trust is a really hard thing to build. It takes so much time and work to build trust and one moment can easily break it. Seems almost crazy how one thing can undo so much work, but once trust is broken, it's a hard thing to rebuild. Just look at me and my mom.”

“Do you believe his story about his ex-boyfriend?” asks Jay finally chiming in.

“I do,” says Will putting his hands on the counter. “That’s what makes it all the more frustrating. I understand why he lied, the impulse and the reasoning behind it. But it’s not like he lied about liking my shirt or something trivial, he lied about someone he used to be in love with. That is such a huge part of his past and who he is today. If Connor feels he has to lie to me about that, then what does that say about whatever it is we were? Was it all built on lies?”

“Oh Will,” says Erin sympathetically. “I know it feels impossible, but it will get better. As cliché as it sounds, time really does heal all.”

Will looks down solemnly. “I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to heal or move on when I have to see him everyday at work. I broke down all my walls for him too, what was I thinking?”

Will looks up and laughs a little at his last moment, trying to find amusement in his pain.

“You’ll find a way,” says Jay reassuringly. “You’re my brother and you’re strong, I know you can handle this as hard as it’s going to be. Plus we’re here for you.”

Erin smiles at Will and reaches out to grab his hand reassuringly. Will smiles at her hoping he’s as strong as Jay thinks.

Scene: Chicago Med, 1 P.M.

Connor is sitting on the edge of the roof thinking about how badly he’s fucked everything up. He had the guy of his dreams, their future together was in the palm of their hands, and Connor destroyed it. How is ever going to forgive himself?

The door to the roof opens and Connor turns to see Maggie walking onto the roof.

“Hey handsome,” says Maggie as she walks up to him. “What are you doing up here? I thought we were gonna have lunch.”

“Sorry Maggie,” says Connor looking down at his hands. “I just needed some time to think.”

Maggie sits down next to Connor. “Are you thinking about Will?”

Connor looks up at her startled by her question. “What…you…how do you know?”

“I know everything that goes on in my ER,” says Maggie laughing a little. “That’s my job after all. I’ve seen you and Will together when you thought no one was around.”

Connor starts to speak, but Maggie puts her hand up to stop him.

“You don’t have to explain anything,” says Maggie as she puts her hand down. “I think it’s great that you found someone, Will’s a good guy. And the two of you are cute together.”

“Thanks,” says Connor looking down solemnly. 

“Although,” says Maggie moving her head down to try to meet Connor’s eyes. “The look on your face tells me that things aren’t going too well. What’s up Connor?”

Connor looks up at her with glassy eyes. “It’s over between me and Will, whatever we had ended. And it’s all my fault.”

“How is it all your fault?” asks Maggie leaning back.

“I lied to him,” says Connor putting his hands in his pockets. “He asked if I had ever been in a relationship and I said no instead of telling him about Jesse. And he found out.”

“Why didn’t tell you tell him about Jesse?” asks Maggie leaning forward. “Do you still love him?”

“No,” says Connor taking a deep breath to keep his emotions in check. “Telling Will about Jesse meant Will would know how selfish I was when I ran away from Jesse without a word. I was worried that if Will saw how selfish I could be, then he wouldn’t think I was worth the effort and be done with me. What I did to Jesse was one of the most selfish and awful things I’ve ever done and I wasn’t sure Will would look at me the same way when he knew. Although now I can add lying to Will to my list of selfish things. He thinks everything between us was a lie including my feelings for him. Not that I blame him.”

There is a single tear running down Connor’s cheek.

“I’m sorry Connor,” says Maggie as Connor uses his finger to wipe away his tear. “Have you tried talking to him?”

“He’s made it very clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me,” says Connor sniffling. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Just give him space,” says Maggie trying to help. “And time. Maybe he’ll come around. In the meantime, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks Maggie,” says Connor smiling at her.

Scene: Chicago Med, 4 P.M.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are,” cries Will walking closer to him. “But she was my patient, you had no right to decide what medication to give or what tests to run.”

Connor and Will are in one of the empty treatment rooms arguing. Will is by the foot of the bed and Connor is by the door.

“Actually,” retorts a smirking Connor refusing to take Will’s shit. “I did the intake so technically she was my patient. You just filled in while I was unavailable.”

“You cocky son of a bitch!” shouts Will angrily balling up his fists. “This is not the Connor Rhodes hospital, we all work here in case you’ve forgotten.”

Will picks up a pillow and throws it at Connor.

“Oh no you did not,” says an irritated Connor as the pillow hits his face and lands on the floor. “So you’re gonna throw stuff now, huh?”

In response, another pillow hits Connor’s face. Will laughs

“That’s it,” says Connor as he runs towards Will and tackles him to the ground.

“Get off of me you lying son of a bitch,” shouts Will as he fights Connor who is trying to pin his hands above his head.

“That’s what this is really about,” says Connor using his body weight to keep Will on the ground. “You don’t care about the patient, you picked a fight because you’re mad at me for what I did to do.”

“I’m not exactly whistling dixie over here,” says a sarcastic Will struggling to gather his strength to push away Connor’s arms.

The door to the room opens and Ethan and Natalie come running in. Ethan grabs Connor and pulls him off of Will.

“What the hell is going on in here?!” cries Natalie as Will gets up and Connor struggles to break free from Ethan.

“Why are the two of you fighting?” asks Ethan pulling Connor’s arms behind his back to get better leverage.

“He started it!” shout Connor and Will simultaneously.

“I don’t care who started it,” scolds Natalie voice booming as she puts her finger up to stop Will from moving. “We are at work, this is the not the place to fight about your personal issues.”

Connor stops fighting Ethan and Will stands still. 

Natalie lowers her voice. “I know this is hard for you guys, but you have to be professional. You have to find a way to work together.”

“Maybe he should go then,” says Connor as Ethan tightens his grip to make sure he doesn’t try to lunge at Will. “My dad’s a benefactor here after all, Will has no ties to this hospital.”

“Oh please,” says Will sarcastically as Ethan releases his hold on Connor. “Your dad doesn’t even want you anymore.”

As soon as Will’s words leave his mouth, he regrets them. Natalie glares at him and Connor just stares at Will dumbfounded. Using his dad’s denouncement of him being gay to get back at him, Will certainly knows how to hit him where it hurts.

“Connor,” says Will as Connor bows his head and starts to walk out. “I didn’t mean that.”

Connor turns to face Will with a blank expression and a cold yet solemn tone. “Yes, you did.”

Connor walks out and Ethan follows him.

Natalie turns around and hits Will on the shoulder causing him to flinch. “Ow!”

“How could you say that to him?” asks Natalie shaking her head. “I know you’re mad, but to use his dad like that, that was low. Even for you.”

“I’m sorry,” says Will at a loss. He didn’t even mean to say it, it just came out in the heat of his anger.

“It’s not me you have to apologize to,” says Natalie the disappointment evident in her voice. 

She walks out leaving Will standing there. He really didn’t mean it, he would never use Connor’s dad rejecting him for being gay to hurt him. The words just slipped out.

Scene: Chicago Med, 8 P.M.

Will is standing outside waiting for Connor to come out so he can apologize.

The entrance doors open and Connor walks out looking down at his phone.

“Connor,” calls Will causing Connor to look up at him.

Connor rolls his eyes and keeps walking. “It’s been a long day, you can save your insults for tomorrow.”

“No, Connor, wait,” says Will reaching out and putting his hand on Connor’s shoulder. The hair on Connor’s arms stands up at Will’s touch.

He turns around and crosses his arms. “What could I possibly help you with Will? You’ve made how you feel about me perfectly clear.”

“I’m sorry for what I said about your dad,” says Will looking into Connor’s eyes but seeing nothing. “I didn’t mean it, it just came out.”

“You know Will,” starts Connor shifting his body weight. “I understand that you hate me for what I did to you, but you were the one who comforted me that night and brought my sister to make me feel better after my dad denounced me as his son for being gay. And for you to use that to hurt me because you’re angry, that’s a cheap shot. I don’t think it gets any lower than that and you know what else? It hurts on such a deep level that I can’t even put into words.”

“I really am sorry Connor,” says Will guiltily. “I shouldn’t have made that comment, I was just mad.”

“It doesn’t even matter,” says Connor shaking his head. “You and I are over, you’ve been clear about that. Maybe it’s for the best, maybe I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

Will feels Connor's words twisting like a knife. They really are over and Will had to be cruel nonetheless, this is not what he wanted.

“Connor,” says Will walking closer to him, but Connor backs away.

“There’s nothing left for us to say,” says Connor putting his phone away. “We work together so let’s just agree to be civil and get along when we’re at work for the sake of our patients. But other than that, you’ve gotten your wish: we’re done.”

“Agreed,” says Will quietly as Connor’s words ring in his head. You’ve gotten your wish: we’re done. What if that isn’t his wish?

“Good,” says Connor reaching into his pocket for his car keys. “Then it’s agreed. Goodnight Dr. Halstead.”

Connor turns around to walk away and Will just stands there trying to process what just happened. Dr. Halstead, he never thought he’d hear Connor call him that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	23. What Does It Mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for all of the wonderful support on the last chapter.

Scene: 3 days later (Saturday), 6 P.M.

Connor is at his locker grabbing his stuff ready to go home after a long day. The last few days have been hard, but he and Will have managed to get along. It’s been like it was before anything happened with them romantically, civility and respect for the sake of working together. Neither of them want to leave the hospital, but they can’t fight all the time, so being civil is the only option. They only speak to each other when necessary and aside from that, they avoid each other. Maybe this is for the best, maybe Connor will meet someone else.

Connor throws his book bag over his shoulder and hears the door to the break room open. 

‘Please don’t let it be Will,’ thinks Connor.

Hoping to leave quickly if it is, Connor heads to the front of the break room and sees Natalie sitting down eating a slice of pizza. “Hey, I thought you left already.”

“No, I was just grabbing my stuff,” says Connor walking over to stand near her. “That pizza looks good.”

“It is,” says Natalie taking a bite. “I’ve been craving pizza all day.”

“We should all be able to eat like you and still look so good,” says Connor half joking.

“Hey,” says Natalie using a napkin to wipe sauce off her lip. “Are you saying that I don’t eat healthy?”

“I’m saying that you eat whatever you want and still manage to look good,” says Connor laughing.

“Oh well,” says Natalie leaning back. “Thanks, I try.”

They both laugh.

“Don’t forget that I won’t be in tomorrow,” says Connor putting his hand on a chair. “Tomorrow’s the anniversary of my mom’s death so I’ll be spending the day with my sister.”

“Right,” says Natalie taking another bite of her pizza. “If you guys want some company, I’d be happy to stop by after work. I know how hard days like tomorrow are.”

“Thanks,” says Connor walking towards the door. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

Natalie nods finishing her pizza as Connor walks out. He seems to be handling everything ok, Will too. At least they’re not fighting. 

“Goodnight Maggie,” says Connor as he passes by the front desk. 

“Goodnight Dr. Rhodes,” says Maggie looking up from some papers. “Give my best to your sister. I’ll be thinking of your mom tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” says Connor giving her a smile and walking towards the door.

Connor walks through the entrance doors to leave, looking down at his phone, and takes a right to go to his car that is parked on the side of the building. 

He is caught off guard when someone suddenly grabs him and throws him against the building. 

“I told you I’d find you if you hurt my brother,” says Jay through gritted teeth. He is holding his elbow to Connor’s throat and using his body weight to hold him against the wall.

Connor looks into Jay’s eyes and sees the anger. He hurt Will and now Jay is going to make good on his promise.

“You’ve destroyed Will,” says Jay angrily pressing his elbow against Connor’s Adam’s apple. “No one has ever broken him like this before and now you have to pay.”

Connor swallows hard as Jay removes his elbow. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“Do your worst,” says Connor letting his book bag fall of his shoulders. “I deserve this for hurting him. I won’t fight you.”

Jay looks at Connor with fury in his eyes and proceeds to punch him in the stomach. Hard. Connor bends over holding his stomach.

“That’s just the start of what you get for breaking my brother’s heart,” says a raging Jay standing over Connor. “I thought you were a good guy, I really believed you cared about him.”

“I do Jay,” says Connor through the pain looking up at Jay. Jay sees the sadness in his eyes. “Will is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I hate knowing that I hurt him.”

Jay looks at him confused by the sincerity he feels from Connor. 

A tear drips down Connor's cheek as he continues, still holding his stomach. “I am so sorry what I did. Your brother is the guy I’ve dreamed about my whole life and he means more to me than anyone ever has. I promised myself that I’d protect his heart, but I failed. I saw a future for us and I ruined that. So go ahead, I’m ready for whatever else you’re gonna do to me.”

“I…I can’t,” says Jay startled by Connor’s attitude. The emotion and sincerity coming from Connor is overwhelming and Jay knows that this is wrong. 

He walks up to Connor who thinks Jay’s going to hit him again. Instead, he kicks Connor in the nuts causing him to bend over in pain.

“You are a good guy Connor,” says Jay wiping his mouth. “You hurt my brother, but your remorse is too genuine for me to do anything else to you.”

Connor looks up as Jay walks off, that was not what he expected. Fuck, his stomach and his nuts hurt like hell.

Scene: Chicago Med, the next day (Sunday), 10 A.M.

Will is walking by the front desk when Maggie sees him.

“Dr. Halstead,” calls Maggie looking up from her phone.

He turns around. “What’s up Maggie?”

“I need you in trauma two,” says Maggie checking over her papers. “Guy popped his shoulder. Then I need you in trauma four, woman complaining of dizziness and nausea.”

“I was just on way to finish up in trauma one,” says Will walking towards the desk. “Are we just that busy today or is someone out?”

“Dr. Rhodes is off today, today’s the anniversary of his mom’s death,” says Maggie as her phone beeps. “Damn, incoming in five minutes.”

She looks around to see Ethan talking to Dr. Charles. “Dr. Choi, I need you. Two patients incoming in five. Where’s Dr. Manning?”

“You got it,” says Ethan nodding his head. “I think she’s with a patient upstairs, I’ll go check.”

Ethan walks off and Will is standing at the front desk, frozen, thinking about what Maggie told him. He didn’t even realize what day today was or that today was the anniversary of the death of Connor’s mom. Last week Connor had invited Will to come to a memorial service for his mom and Will was happy to agree. But now, how could he go?

“Dr. Halstead,” says Maggie waving her hand in front of his face to get his attention. “You have patients.”

“Sorry Maggie,” says Will snapping out of his thoughts. “I’m on it.”

Will walks off to see his patients, but the thought of Connor’s mom remains on his mind.

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, 5 P.M.

Connor and Claire have spent the day at his apartment watching Netflix, talking, and just spending time together in remembrance of their mother. The church that their mom was a member of is having a memorial service tonight at 6 for its deceased parishioners that they are going to. The church holds this service every year around the anniversary of their mom’s death and this year it happens to fall on the day of. Connor usually goes by himself, but he’s glad to go with his sister this year. 

Claire just got back from changing for church and they are now eating at the kitchen counter. Connor is wearing a gray button down dress shirt with black dress pants and a black tie and Claire is wearing a gray pant suit. They ordered in from their mother’s favorite restaurant in Chicago, The Rosebud.

“Mmm,” says Claire taking a bite of her food. “I haven't eaten from The Rosebud in years, this Veal Parmesan is amazing.”

Connor smiles at her comment thinking back to the times when they would go to The Rosebud for family dinner. Those was some of the only times that the four of them could ever get along.

“I order from there every year on the anniversary of mom’s death,” says Connor adjusting his napkin. He has it tucked into the collar of his shirt just in case his Chicken Piccata splatters. “I’m glad not to have to eat alone this year.”

“I’m sorry I missed out on this for so many years,” says Claire sipping her soda. “But this can be our new tradition, something we do every year together. In addition to going to the memorial service.”

“I’d like that a lot,” says Connor taking a sip of his water. For so many years, all he wanted was someone to share this day with and now he has sister, the last person he ever thought he’d be able to share it with. Man, how things change.

“What’d you order?” asks Claire looking over at his plate. 

“Chicken Piccata,” says Connor cutting a piece to offer to his sister. “Here, taste it.”

He motions to the piece he cut and Claire uses her fork to pick it up and eats it. “Wow, that’s really good.”

“It was one of mom’s favorites,” says Connor as he cuts himself a piece of his food. Eating this makes him feel like his mom is with him.

“You know,” says Claire putting her hands on the counter. “I think mom all about the time and I regret that I didn’t have the type of relationship with her that you did. I was so caught up in myself at the time that I never even realized how distant I became from mom, and from you, until she died. I wish every day that I could have a second chance to be close with mom instead of being the materialistic daughter who put money and showing off before her family.”

A few tears drip down Claire’s cheek as she continues. “Dad’s influence growing up was so powerful and he managed to make me just like him. I put myself before everyone, I never even saw how unhappy mom was. All I cared about was what I could buy to show my friends that my family was rich. Then mom died and it hit me that I let dad manipulate me into this person I wasn’t proud of. Mom never knew how much I loved her. I tried to change, but then you left to Riyadh and it was just me and dad. If you hadn’t come back and knocked some sense into me, I'd still be dad’s puppet.”

Fresh tears well up in Claire’s eyes and she is unable to stop them from falling. She made such a mess of her life, she let her dad influence her, and her mom died not knowing how much she loved her.

Connor gets up and walks over to his sister pulling into her into a hug. 

“Claire, it’s ok,” says Connor as she cries on his shoulder. “Living with dad was hard for all of us, his influence was just the strongest on you. But believe me when I tell you that mom knew you loved her. She never doubted it for one second even when she didn’t feel close to you.”

They break their hug and Claire wipes away her tears.

“How can you be so sure?” asks Claire sniffling.

“Because mom told me,” says Connor bending down to be eye level with his sister. “The day she told me she knew I was gay, she also talked to me about you. Mom said that you had lost your way, but she called you her little girl who she knew was still in there. She said that no matter how you acted, she knew that deep down you loved her and all of us. Mom always believed in you, just like she did in me.”

Unsure of how else to react, more tears fall from Claire’s eyes. “I wasted so much time being this version of myself that I didn’t like and it cost me my relationship with mom. And with you. Dad just…the things he said about money and power, they resonated with me. I let them effect how I acted and it was like I couldn’t control it. Maybe if I had paid more attention I could’ve seen how sad mom was and stopped her from killing herself.”

“Aw Claire,” says Connor touched by Claire’s emotion to the point that his eyes are glassy. “No one could have seen how sad mom was, she hid it well. That’s what people with depression do, I see it all the time at work. Mom struggled in silence because she loved us so much that she didn't want to burden us with her issues. But there was nothing you, me, or anyone else could have done to prevent her from committing suicide.”

Claire wraps her arms around her brother and they hug, both in tears, from all this talk about their mother. This is the first time they have ever had such an honest and open conversation about their mother’s suicide, years of emotion is finally being unleashed.

“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Connor,” says Claire through tears. “Not only should I have been a better daughter, I should’ve been a better sister too. I should’ve seen how much you needed me all those years you were struggling with your identity. We missed out on so much because I was self-absorbed. I was so lost and I wish we could get those years back”

“Hey,” says Connor breaking the hug and looking at Claire. “All I care about is that you’re back with me now. We can’t get those years back, but we just have to make the most of the fact that we’re in a good place now.”

“I don’t ever wanna get lost on you again,” says Claire putting her hand on Connor’s face and wiping away a tear. “Hopefully without dad I won’t because I need you in my life. I can’t get by without my brother anymore.”

“I should’ve tried harder all these years I saw you spiraling,” says Connor sniffling. “But I will never let you get lost again because I need you too Claire. I love you.”

“I love you so much Connor,” says Claire as they hug again. They stay in the embrace for about two minutes finally feeling free of all the emotion they’ve been carrying all these years. They got some of it out the night the stuff happened with Connor and their dad, but they’ve now gotten all of it out.

“I got your shirt all wet,” says Claire as they break their hug and she sees the spot on his shirt. “I'm sorry.”

Connor laughs. “It’ll dry. Let’s clean up and get ready to go to the service.”

They clean up their dishes from dinner and wash up in the bathroom since their eyes are all red from crying.

Scene: City Church Chicago, 6 P.M.

Connor and Claire walk in together with Claire holding onto Connor’s arm. The church is small with beautiful stained glass windows. The pulpit is situated on the platform at the front of the church; it has a microphone for the priest to speak into and a sound system with the speakers in the ceiling. The pews are on either side of the stage; there are ten pews on each side that are able to fit about ten people in each pew. 

“Wow,” says Claire looking around. “I haven’t been here since mom died, they did some renovations. Those windows are beautiful.”

“Yeah,” says Connor as they walk further in. “They replaced the old windows and put these in about two years ago. They really help brighten up the church especially since it’s so small.”

Neither Connor nor Claire are religious and their parents didn’t raise them in the Christian faith. But their mom found strength in Christianity later in her life and started attending this church so that’s why Connor has always attended the memorial service here.

Connor leads them towards an empty pew at the back of church. He motions for Claire to go in first and he follows her. They take a seat towards aisle waiting for the service to begin.

The priest, a middle-aged bald man wearing traditional clerical clothing, walks out onto the stage and over to the pulpit. Everyone stands for the service to begin.

“Good evening everyone, I am Father Josh,” says Father Josh clearing his throat. “Thank you for joining us tonight as we come together to honor and celebrate our deceased parishioners. These parishioners are your friends, family, and other loved ones so your presence here is extra special. We are going to open with our memorial hymn, please be seated at this time.”

Everyone takes a seat and a short, heavy-set black woman in her fifties walks onto stage with a microphone. She starts singing “Go Rest High On That Mountain” and her voice is big, powerful, and booming filling up the entire church.

“Her voice is beautiful,” says Claire turning to Connor and whispering.

“It is,” says Connor thinking about his mom. He wishes she were there with them, she’d be happy to see her children at her church.

Connor is snapped out of his thoughts by Claire hitting him on the arm.

“Why are you hitting me?” asks a confused Connor turning to his sister who is looking at the back of the church.

Wordlessly, Claire points and Connor turns his head to see Will walking through the doors. He is wearing a white button down shirt and pair of black slacks with a gray tie. Connor is speechless, what is Will doing here?

“Did you invite him?” asks Claire as Will looks around for Claire and Connor.

“I did, but before we ended things,” says Connor as Claire waves and Will sees them. “I didn’t think he’d still come.”

Before Claire can respond, Will is walking over to their pew. 

“Hi,” says Will awkwardly as he meets Connor’s eyes and sees the surprise in them.

“Hi Will,” says Claire as she squeezes past Connor to greet Will. “This is a pleasant surprise.”

“I lost my mom too so I wanted to come pay my respects to your mom,” says Will adjusting his tie.

“That’s very sweet, thank you,” says Claire quietly as she takes Will’s hand. “Come sit next to me.”

Connor steps out so Claire and Will can step into the pew. Will sits in between Claire and Connor. The three of them turn their attention to the front as the woman finishes singing. Connor is extremely nervous now that Will is sitting next to him. He can’t believe Will came, what does this mean?

The three sit in silence as the priest comes back out and begins his sermon. Will keeps looking at Connor and Connor can see it out of the corner of his eye. They both want to say something, but neither wants to be the first one.

“We all suffer loss and the loss of loved ones is a profound experience that stays with us,” continues Father Josh. “Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, when we lose these people, we have to take comfort knowing that they are now with God. The pain, the sorrow, these are all things we must grapple with when we those we love. There’s no guidebook for how to cope with this, but when we are in mourning, we must lean on those around to give us strength and help keeping us pressing forward. Because all of our deceased loved ones would want us to move forward until it is our time to be with God.”

Will looks over and sees tears in Connor’s eyes. Taking a risk, he tentatively reaches out to put his hand on top of Connor’s, which is on resting on his knee. Connor is shocked by Will reaching out to him like this, but welcomes it. Will expects Connor to pull his hand away, but when he doesn’t, Will comfortably rests his hand on top of Connor’s.

Claire looks over and smiles when she sees this, maybe all hope isn’t lost for the two of them.

An hour later, the service is over and everyone has pretty much cleared out. Connor, Claire, and Will are walking towards the exit.

“Thanks for coming Will,” says Claire as she leans in to give him a hug. He hesitates at first, but then hugs her back.

“We appreciate it,” says Connor smiling at Will as he and his sister break their hug. 

Will smiles back unsure of how to respond. “Have a good night.”

He turns to walk out and Claire walks over to her brother.

“So that was quite a surprise, huh?” asks Claire as Connor watches Will until he disappears from sight.

“That it was,” says Connor staring at the doors. “I can’t believe Will showed up. After what happened between us, the last thing I ever expected was for him to come tonight.”

“I saw him reach for your hand during the service,” says Claire causing Connor to look at her. “It was sweet.”

“It was,” says Connor taking a deep breath. “But what does it mean?”  
“Maybe there’s hope for the two of you after all,” says Claire grabbing hold of her brother’s arm. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Connor and Claire walk out. Is his sister right, is there hope for him and Will?

Scene: Chicago Med, 8 P.M.

“Come in,” calls Goodwin.

The door to her office opens and in walks Will carrying a Manila envelope.

“Dr. Halstead,” says Goodwin taking off her glasses. “I thought you got off a couple of hours ago. What’s up?”

He walks up to her desk and hands her the envelope. “This is the official paperwork for my request, I want to be transferred to another hospital.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	24. I Can't Let That Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for all the reviews and support.

Scene: Chicago Med, 2 days later (Tuesday), 11 A.M.

“Thank you for coming Dr. Halstead,” says Goodwin as he takes a seat across from her desk. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to speak to you yesterday, but I was handling something out of the hospital.”

“It’s ok,” says Will putting his hand on his knee. “Is there an issue with the paperwork I gave you?”

“No, not at all,” says Goodwin sifting through papers on her desk until she finds Will’s transfer request. “Everything’s in order. I spoke to the head of Rush University Medical Center and it seems that you were right. They’ll be needing a new trauma resident in two weeks since one of their ER doctors is joining Doctors Without Borders.”

“So does that mean I can transfer there?” asks Will anxiously. He doesn’t want to talk about this, he just wants to know whether or not he can do it.

“I don’t see why not,” says Goodwin removing her glasses. “But before I start the process, I have to ask Dr. Halstead: Does you wanting to transfer have to do with Dr. Rhodes?”

Will practically jumps out of his chair when she says that and makes a fist to contain his anxiety. What does she know? How does she know?

“I…I’m not sure I understand what you mean Ms. Goodwin,” says Will trying not to seem rattled.

“Will,” starts Goodwin as she walks around from behind her desk. “I know you and Connor have been involved in a personal relationship. Everyone thinks I only follow the politics of this hospital, but I’m also up on the personal stuff. I’m more observant than you would think and I’ve seen you and Connor together.”

Will shifts uncomfortably in his seat unsure of what to say.

“I’m not upset or anything so please don’t worry,” says Goodwin putting her hand up. “Love is love and no one should be judged for who they’re attracted to. If you’re transferring because you guys are uncomfortable revealing your relationship to the HR department, then I understand and I’ll respect it.”

“What do you mean revealing our relationship to the HR department?” asks a confused Will.

“When two members of the hospital staff begin a personal relationship,” explains Goodwin leaning against her desk. “It is hospital policy for them to inform the HR department and then for both parties to read and sign the fraternization policy about what’s acceptable and not acceptable at work. We want everything at this hospital to be visible and we support everyone regardless of sexual orientation.”

She sees the look on Will’s face and responds. “But judging by the look on your face, you had no idea about this and that’s not why you want to be transferred.”

Will sighs. He’s caught so he might as well be honest.

“You’re right, it’s not,” says Will leaning forward. “Connor and I are no longer involved and I think it’s best that I transfer to another hospital because of that. Seeing him everyday, working side by-side, it’s hard on me and feels wrong. It distracts me and pulls my focus from patients. There’s a tension between us that I'm worried might manifest into something bigger and get in the way of my responsibilities here.”

Goodwin holds her glasses in her hand. “I appreciate the honesty Dr. Halstead and that you’re putting your job ahead of your personal life. I wouldn’t normally sign off on a transfer in a situation like this, but I think this is an exception.”

“Really?” asks a surprised Will and Goodwin walks back behind her back.

“Yes,” says Goodwin sitting down in her chair. “You did your homework and found a hospital that will be in need of a trauma resident. And we have a large waiting list of residents looking to join this hospital so losing you wouldn’t leave us short staffed by any means. Plus I understand what it’s like to not want to work with someone you were once involved with. I respect your candor and I’m going to honor your request.”

“Wow,” says Will standing up. “Thank you Ms. Goodwin.”

“You’re welcome,” says Goodwin looking up at him. “I’m going to start on the paperwork later today. You have one week’s worth of paid vacation time saved up that you’re going to need to use before you leave.”

“Can I just not take it and still get paid?” asks Will standing at her desk.

“That’s not how it works,” explains Goodwin putting her glasses back on. “The hospital will pay for the days if you take them, but if you forfeit them, you won’t get paid. Give me a couple of days to work it out, I think I can figure the schedule out so you can take that time by the end of the week.”

“Thank you so much,” says Will appreciatively. “It means a lot that you’re doing all of this for me.”

“You’re a good doctor Will,” says Goodwin looking up at him. “My job here is to look out for the best interest of the patients and of the employees too. I’m sad you’ll be leaving us, but Rush University is lucky that’ll you be joining them.”

“Thank you Ms. Goodwin,” says Will as he walks towards the door and leaves.

That went way better than he thought, who knew Ms. Goodwin would be so understanding and helpful?

Scene: Chicago Med, 1 P.M.

Natalie is standing out front on the phone when she sees Claire walking up.

“Ok, thanks. I’ll check in later, bye,” says Natalie as Claire approaches her. “Hey Claire, good to see you.”

“You too,” says Claire as they hug. “How’s Owen?”

“He’s good,” says Natalie smiling at her. “That was the nanny, I was just checking up on him. You should come by sometime to see him.”

“I’d like that,” says Claire smiling.

“So what brings you here?” asks Natalie putting her phone in her pocket. “Lunch with Connor?”

“Actually,” says Claire hesitantly. “I’m here to see Will. I know I shouldn’t be getting involved in my brother’s life, but I have to try.”

“No, hey,” says Natalie shaking her head. “You don’t have to explain, I get it.” She understands the impulse to want to look out for the people you love.

“Do you know where I can find him?” asks Claire.

“He should be on lunch now,” says Natalie looking at her watch. “He’s been taking lunch on the roof the last few days.”

“Am I able to get up there?” asks Claire pretty sure only employees are allowed up there.

“I think we can talk to Maggie and see what we can do,” says Natalie putting her arm around Claire. “Come on.”

Claire smiles at Natalie and they walk inside.

Meanwhile, on the roof, Will is sitting on the edge of the rooftop finishing his lunch. Sandwich gone, chips gone, all that’s left is his water. He’s been taking his breaks on the roof ever since he and Connor stopped seeing each other.

He turns around when he hears the door to the roof open and is surprised to see Claire.

“Claire,” calls Will as she walks closer to him. “Connor’s not up here.”

“I know,” says Claire now mere feet away. “I was looking for you.”

“Me?” asks a startled Will. “For what?”

“I want to talk to you,” says Claire putting her hands in her pockets. “About my brother.”

“I’m not talking about him with you,” says Will standing up and grabbing his garbage. “What goes on between me and him is none of your business. How’d you even get up here? Only employees are allowed up here.”

“Let’s just say it helps when your dad is one of the hospital’s major donors,” says Claire. “I may not be a fan of his these days, but it got me up here to talk to you.”

“You’re wasting your time Claire,” says Will taking a sip of his water. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” says Claire sitting down. “We can start by talking about why you came to that memorial service on Sunday.”

Will swallows hard. He doesn’t want to talk about that because he has no real answer.

“I..I don’t know what you’re talking about,” stammers an uncertain Will. “I came to pay my respects to your mom. Like I said, I know what it’s like to lose your mom.”

“There,” says Claire pointing at Will. “That last thing you said, I think that’s why you came. Not to just pay your respects to our mom, which is a good cover by the way. But because you know what it’s like to lose your mom and you wanted to be there for Connor.”

“That’s not true,” says Will so quietly that Claire can barely hear him. “I said I’d come and I didn't want to go back on my word.”

“Because you wanted to be there for Connor,” says Claire repeating the words for emphasis. “Because you still care for him. You know how hard losing our mom was for him and you wanted to support him.”

Will looks down unable to deny the truth. Claire’s right, Will did want to support Connor.

“Not just that,” adds Claire. “I saw you reach for his hand during the service. Connor may not know what that meant, but I do. You still have feelings for him.”

“Of course I still have feelings for him!’ shouts Will. “It’s only been like a week, my feelings for him are too deep to just disappear in a week. If they ever do.”

Claire is taken aback by Will’s outburst, but glad to see that she was right: he still cares about Connor.

She walks up to him and gently takes his hand. Looking up, she sees the sadness in his eyes. “Will, Connor feels absolutely awful about what he did. His lie wasn’t intended to hurt you, he thought he was doing it for the good of your relationship. But he was wrong and he’s so sorry. What he feels for you was never a lie, he’s still crazy about you. All you have to do is tell him how you feel and give him a chance, the two of you can work this out.”

“No,” says a teary eyed Will pulling his hand back. “There is no hope for Connor and I working things out. I can never trust him again, no matter how I feel. I’m transferring to a different hospital in a couple weeks and I’ll never see him again.”

A stunned Claire shakes her head. “You’re making a mistake Will. Connor is a good guy and I know you know that. All you have to do is forgive him and you can guys have it all again. But, if you do this and make it so you never see him again, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”

“I know Connor’s your brother and I respect you looking out for him,” says Will firmly. “But you’re wrong, this is the best thing I could do. For both of us.”

Before Claire can respond, Will walks off the roof. She tried, but failed. If Will transfers to another hospital, her brother is going to be devastated.

Scene: Chicago Med, 2 days later (Thursday), 9 A.M.

Will is standing at the front desk filling out paperwork when Goodwin walks over to him.

“Good morning Dr. Halstead,” says Goodwin.

“Good morning Ms. Goodwin,” says Will smiling politely.

“I worked the schedule out and you can take your week’s vacation starting tomorrow,” says Goodwin removing her glasses. “You’ll be back at work next Friday. There’s still a couple of steps to go through next week, but it looks like your transfer will be effective that following Monday.”

“Thank you very much,” says Will nodding his head.

“Enjoy your vacation,” says Goodwin walking away. “Rest up.”

Will looks down at his paperwork and smiles. He’ll finally be getting out of this hospital that reminds him of Connor everywhere he looks.

Scene: Chicago Med, 6 P.M.

Will and Natalie are in the break room, he just told her about his transfer.

“There has to be another option,” says Natalie not believing her ears.

“It’s my only choice,” says Will gently. “Working with Connor every day is too hard. All it does is remind me of what he did and what could’ve been. I have to do this for myself if I ever want to move on.”

“You can’t leave,” says Natalie shaking her head. “What am I gonna do without you Will? I love you.”

“Hey, come here,” says Will pulling her into for a hug. “I love you too Natalie, but we’ll see each other all the time. It won’t be the same, but I could never go on without your sarcastic comments about my life.”

They both laugh as she rests her head on Will’s chest. Office romance, now she understands why people always warn against them.

“I’m gonna miss you Will,” says Natalie as they break apart and she wipes away a tear. “If you find a new best friend to replace me with at your new hospital, I will hunt her down.”

“Don’t you worry,” says Will smiling sweetly. “No one could ever replace you.”

“What the hell Will?!” cries Connor angrily storming into the break room. “You’re transferring to a different hospital?”

“I’m gonna go,” says Natalie looking between the two of them. Connor is really mad.

She walks out and Connor puts his hands on his hips. “How could you do this Will?”

“I’m not doing anything,” says Will crossing his arms over his chest. “I need to move on with my life and that’s never going to happen if we work together and have to see each other every day. So I made the decision to go to a different hospital. I’m also taking my week paid vacation starting tomorrow so I’ll have even less days to see you before I leave.”

“I don’t understand Will,” says Connor shaking his head. “I thought you coming to the service for my mom was a step in the right direction. You came even after we ended things and you held my hand too.”

Will takes a deep breath. “The truth is Connor that I came because I still have feelings for you. I probably always will. Losing your mom is deep for you and I wanted to be there to support you as you remembered her. But being there made me realize how easy it would be to just fall back into the way it was with us because my feelings for you are so strong. And I can’t let that happen.”

“Why not?” asks Connor scrunching his face.

“Because you broke my heart!” shouts Will throwing his hands up. “I gave you everything I had and you broke me with your lying and secrecy. I don’t care why you did it, I care that you did it and destroyed my trust in you. Lying to me about your past, about someone you loved, about a relationship that impacted who you are today. You’ve shattered my faith in you and anything you say. I can’t let myself be vulnerable again, let us go back to the way it was, because I don’t know how true your feelings are and I have to protect my heart. Not matter how strongly I feel for you.”

Connor takes a deep breath.. “I’m so sorry Will, but please don’t transfer. Please give us another chance, I know we can work through this.”

“I can’t Connor,” says Will blinking back tears. “I just don’t trust you. We can’t keep playing this game back and forth. Transferring to another hospital is best for both of us so we can move forward.”

“I can't move forward without you,” says Connor his voice shaky as he leans against the counter to keep his balance. “You’re it for me.”

“Well you’re not it for me,” screams a frustrated Will unable to contain himself. “You were nothing but a player biding your time until you could get me into bed.” Damn, no, he didn’t mean that. That’s his anger talking.

“After all we went through,” scoffs an offended Connor. “I can’t believe _that’s_ how you think of me and _this_ is how you want to leave things between us.”

He swallows hard and puts his hand up. “Enjoy your vacation and have a…have a good time at your new hospital.”

Will sighs as Connor walks out. He looks at his hand and sees it’s shaking. That is not how he wanted that to go down with Connor. He says these things in anger that he doesn’t even really mean, but you can’t unring a bell as they say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	25. How Could I Have Been So Stupid?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the support and the reviews.

Scene: Chicago Med, 4 days later (Monday)

Will has been on vacation for the last four days, but luckily the ER has not been too busy. Goodwin is going to start interviewing residents tomorrow to take Will’s place, she has narrowed it down to five candidates. Everyone was surprised to hear that Will was leaving and Goodwin was able to explain his upcoming departure as Will looking for a better fit to further his career without having to bring up the real reason. Connor is taking Will’s transfer hard, but trying not to show it. He’s been focusing on work and spending time with his sister still unable to accept that there is no more hope for him and Will.

Dr. Grant from pediatrics and Connor are in one of the treatment rooms discussing a patient.

“So based on her scans,” says Connor showing them to Dr. Grant. “I’m thinking leukemia. Plus the fever she presented with and the fatigue she was complaining of.”

“I agree,” says Dr. Grant taking the scans to look at them. “These show that it’s pretty progressive too. I’d recommend she start some form of chemo or radiation to stop it from spreading.”

Meanwhile, out in the ER, Maggie is on her phone and April is using the computer.

The doors open and a middle-aged tall man with brown hair and blue eyes enters. He walks up to the front desk.

“Hi,” says Maggie looking up at him. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here to see Dr. Grant,” says the man putting his hands on the desk. “John Meyers.”

“I remember you,” says Maggie putting her finger up as her tone gets serious. “You need to leave now, we already told you that you’re not welcome here.”

“I just need to see Dr. Grant,” says John desperately. “I need to tell her that she was wrong.”

“Sir,” says Maggie sternly as he backs away a little. “You need to leave now. Or I’m calling the police.”

John stands there looking around, but not moving.

“Fine,” says Maggie picking up the phone. “I’m calling the police.”

John reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gun, an automatic pistol.

“Put it down unless you want to lose your hand,” says John pointing the gun at her.

“Ok,” says Maggie as she puts the phone down and puts her hands up. “Phone’s down. Please sir, you don’t have to do this.”

“All I want is Dr. Grant,” says John looking around and then pointing his gun at April. “Just tell me where she is and I’ll leave her alone.”

Taking advantage of his momentary focus on April, Maggie reaches under the desk push the red panic button. Alarms start sounding and the emergency shelter protocol goes into place.

“What did you do?” asks John covering his ears. “Make it stop.”

“It won’t stop,” says Maggie fearlessly as she walks from behind the desk. Maggie motions for April to run, which she does, leaving just John and Maggie. April makes it out the back exit before the shelter protocol goes into full effect. “The police are now on their way. Please give me the gun and make this easier.”

John removes his hands from ears and points his gun right in Maggie’s face. She looks in his eyes and sees pure malice. “Don’t make me kill you.”

Back inside the treatment room, Connor and Dr. Grant have shut the light and are bent down on the floor having heard everything. 

“Do you know who he is?” asks Connor making sure to keep his voice down.

“Yeah,” says Dr. Grant in a whisper. “John Meyers brought his son in last week for bruising on the arm. But my examination concluded that it was child abuse and I called the Department of Child and Family Services. He was mad when DCFS took his son away, but I never thought this would happen.”

“Sometimes the smallest thing can make people snap,” says Connor looking around. Could this small room keep them safe? “All we have to do is stay here quietly and wait for the police to handle this.”

“I…I don’t want to die,” says Dr. Grant in fear as her leg starts to shake.

“I’ll protect you,” says Connor as he reassuringly puts his hand on her shoulder. “As long as you stay in here, you’re safe.”

Back in the ER, John has his gun pointed at Maggie.

“You did this,” says a hysterical John waving his gun around. “You either take me to Dr. Grant before the police get here or you’ll be my first victim.”

Upstairs, everyone is scrambling around and Goodwin is in the employee lounge watching what’s going on downstairs via the security cameras on one of the monitors. 

“Ms. Goodwin,” says Ethan as he and Natalie come running in. “Is there really a gunman in the hospital?”

“Yes, he walked in and pulled a gun on Maggie,” says Goodwin as she points to the monitor. “I just spoke to Sergeant Voight, Chicago P.D. is less than five minutes out.”

“Oh my god,” cries Natalie looking at the monitor and putting her hand over her mouth. “Where are all the patients?”

“No one was in the treatment rooms,” says Goodwin checking her phone. “Everyone in the waiting room is safe. Maggie followed procedure and pushed the red panic button, the one that initiatives the emergency shelter protocol.”

“Emergency shelter protocol?” asks a confused Ethan.

“It’s a last resort measure that we installed in the event a situation like this ever happened,” explains Goodwin taking off her glasses. “It works in conjunction with the police acting like a shelter drill trapping everyone in place. Over the course of two minutes, it shuts down the elevators, seals all the doors to the stairwells, and seals the waiting room doors as well. The gunman is basically stuck downstairs in the ER with nowhere to go. The police are notified as soon as the button is hit and only they can lift it when they get here.”

“You’re putting Maggie’s life on the line!” shouts Natalie as she looks at the monitor and sees John speaking to Maggie with the gun pointed in her face. “Is that what this emergency shelter thing does, puts Maggie’s life in danger?”

“Dr. Manning,” says Goodwin as she rubs her temples. “I understand that you’re worried about Maggie, but she knew about this protocol. She hit that button because she knew it was the only option to keep everyone in this hospital safe.”

Goodwin raises her voice a little. “I care about the lives of every single employee in this hospital, I hate seeing Maggie in this situation as much as you do! But it’s where we are now. She is strong and I have faith that she can keep this guy calm until the police arrive. And don’t you ever accuse me again of intentionally putting her life on the line.”

“Let’s all take a deep breath,” says Ethan as he reaches out for Natalie, but she swats his hand away. Someone has to be the voice of reason even in such a scary situation. A gun in the hospital, who ever would’ve thought that would happen here?

“Chicago P.D. is two minutes out,” says Goodwin looking down as her phone beeps.

“Wait a minute,” starts Ethan looking into the hallway. “Has anyone seen Connor?”

Goodwin’s eyes widen and Natalie puts her hand over her mouth. Where is Connor?

Downstairs:

“I…I don’t know where Dr. Grant is,” says Maggie as her hand starts to shake in fear. “The ER is locked down, we can’t leave so I couldn’t get you to her even if I knew where she was.”

“Then stop these stupid alarms and find her!” screams John shaking the gun in front of Maggie. “She’s the reason my son was taken away. It’s her I want to hurt, not you.”

“I can’t stop them,” says Maggie calmly trying to steady her hand. “Just put the gun down and when the police get here, we can sort all of this out.”

She looks into his eyes and sees the pain. “It’s ok, I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. To have them taken from you when you’ve done nothing wrong. We’ll explain to the police that this was all a misunderstanding and you’ll be reunited with your son.”

John starts to lower his gun as tears form in his eyes. “I just…I want my son. I need my son, I love him.”

“Shh,” says Maggie cautiously approaching him as he is now holding the gun at his side. “You let me do all the talking, I’ll help you. Trust me.”

John looks up at her with glassy eyes. “Thank you, I’m glad I didn’t kill you.”

Maggie gives him a small smile in hopes that she’s finally gotten him to calm down. 

Suddenly a crash is heard and John jumps, startled. 

“What the hell was that?!” cries John raising his hand that’s holding the gun. “Who’s there?!”

Maggie’s eyes widen as her hand starts to shake again. How is she going to get out of this one?

Scene: Will’s Apartment, simultaneously

Will is sitting on the couch watching the movie Deadpool. That Ryan Reynolds is really good looking. At least it's something to distract him. 

Since he’s started his vacation, he hasn’t done much aside from going out to dinner with Jay and Erin. He knows his decision to leave Chicago Med is for the best, but that doesn’t mean it sucks any less. He also can’t stop thinking about his last conversation with Connor where he accused Connor of playing him to get him into bed. That was such a stupid thing to say, Will knows it wasn’t like that. But Connor…he hurt him with his lie in ways Will never thought possible. In response, all Will has known how to does is to try to hurt Connor back. It’s part of his defense mechanism, he has to share his pain with Connor. But it doesn’t make him feel better, it makes him feel worse.

How did he and Connor get to this place? Everything was going well, so well, and now Will’s transferring to another hospital in a week and a half. He’ll never see Connor again, but is that really what he wants? Despite what he said, he thought Connor was it for him. What if he's making a mistake by giving up?

Will sighs as the end credits for the movie come on. He looks at his phone on the kitchen counter, he turned it off yesterday and hasn’t put it on since. Will decided to ”unplug” for a day or two; he just needs to be alone and figure things out. 

He picks up the remote and flips through the channels looking for something else to watch. He stops on WLS-ABC7 when he sees a scene of the hospital. On the screen it says, “Breaking News: Active shooter at Chicago Medical Center. Hospital on lockdown, unsubstantiated reports of hostages. Police on the way.”

Will drops the remote as he feels his heart starting to race. Connor, Natalie, oh my god. 

He runs into the kitchen and grabs his phone, turning it on. He immediately dials Connor’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail. His heart is beating so fast and a tightness is building in his chest, he feels like he’s going to suffocate. What if something happened to Connor? Will grabs onto the kitchen counter to keep his balance.

Before he can form another thought, his phone rings. He looks and sees it’s Natalie.

“Oh my god, Natalie,” cries Will as he puts the phone to his ear. “I just saw the news, are you ok?”

Cut back to hospital, Natalie is sitting in the employee lounge with Ethan.

“Yeah, the shooter is downstairs. I’m upstairs with Ethan and Reese, we’re all okay,” says Natalie trying to put this gently. “But, Connor…we think Connor’s downstairs. We don't see him on the monitor so we think he’s hiding somewhere.”

In his apartment, Will’s phone slides down his ear and he crumbles to the floor with tears in his eyes. Natalie’s voice can be heard calling out his name, but he’s lying on the floor. 

Will’s leg is shaking and he feels his chest tighten; tears are dripping down his cheek. He can’t move or speak, he’s too overcome with fear. Connor…Connor…what if something happens to him? How could Will have been so stupid to leave things like that between them? 

Wiping away his tears, Will picks up his phone and uses the counter to help him stand up. 

“I’m on my way Natalie,” says a frenzied Will as he hangs up the call, grabs his keys, and races out of the door.

Meanwhile, back in the treatment room, Connor accidentally knocked over one of the metal trays with medical equipment. It landed on the floor with a loud thud that the gunman definitely heard.

“Fuck,” says Connor closing his eyes as they both hear the gunman approaching.

“Whoever’s in there, come out now with your hands up!” shouts John as he approaches the room.

Dr. Grant has her head between her legs paralyzed wth fear. “I…he’s coming for me. He’s going to kill me when he finds me.”

“Shh,” says Connor soothingly as he puts his hand on her leg. “I’m gonna go out there and try to distract him until the police get here. If I can convince him that it’s just me in here, then you’ll be safe. You stay in here and don’t make a sound.”

“Connor,” says Dr. Grant with glassy eyes pulling at his shirt as he stands up. “Thank you, be careful.”

Connor gives her a small smile. He has to protect her, but what if he doesn't make it? He looks beside the bed and sees a pad. Knowing time is short, he quickly walks over and scribbles something on a piece of paper.

“If I don’t come back,” says Connor taking a deep breath and bending down. “Please give this to my sister.”

Dr. Grant, now in tears, just nods, taking the paper from him as he stands up.

Connor walks towards the door and slides it open just enough to squeeze through before closing it behind him.

“Who else is in there?” asks John as he holds the gun to the back of Connor’s neck. Maggie’s eyes widen in horror, Connor.

“It’s just me,” says Connor as he puts his hands up feeling the metal on his skin. “Just me, promise.”

“Turn around slowly,” bellows John removing the gun from Connor’s neck. He turns around and shows his hands to John.

“See, I’m unarmed,” says Connor calmly as John points the gun in his face. “No need to use that.”

Outside, there are police cars and Burgess and Roman are putting up yellow tape to block off the hospital as Voight’s team gets into position. 

“Everyone stay in position,” orders Voight over the coms. “First one with a shot, take it on my command. Goodwin says there’s another hostage, I’m getting into the security feed now. We can’t let this escalate.”

Upstairs in the employee lounge, Ethan, Natalie, and Goodwin are watching on the monitor as John is holding his gun on Connor.

“Voight’s team is in place,” says Goodwin as her phone beeps. “This should be over shortly.”

Natalie has tears in her eyes feeling helpless as she watches Connor and Maggie stuck with the gunman. Ethan is trying to comfort her, but can’t help feel more nervous himself as time goes on.

Back downstairs in the ER:

“Get over there,” says John motioning for Connor to stand next to Maggie.

“Are you ok?” asks Maggie as Connor is led next to her at gunpoint.

“I’m fine,” says Connor as John waves his gun at them.

“No more talking,” shouts John as he starts pacing. “I’m not waiting for the police. I want Dr. Grant now or I’ll put a bullet in both of you.”

Connor swallows hard and Maggie takes his hand.

All of a sudden, a noise is heard coming from the treatment room that Connor came out of. It sounds like a sneeze. Damn it, Dr. Grant sneezed.

“You lied to me!” cries John walking up to Connor and putting the gun against his forehead. “Someone else is in there!”

Connor watches in agony as John walks over and slowly pushes the door open.

“No!” cries Connor attempting to run over, but Maggie holds him back.

John sees Dr. Grant lying on the floor in tears. “Dr. Grant, just who I’ve been looking for.”

“Please,” says Dr. Grant unable to control her shaking or her tears. “Please don’t.”

“NO!!” shouts Connor pulling away from Maggie’s grasp and running over to the treatment room. He stands there and watches as John aims his gun and shoots Dr. Grant in the chest. 

“Bitch,” says John turning around to Connor who is now shaking. “You’re next.”

John smacks Connor with his gun and knocks him to the ground.

Outside, the bullet that hit Dr. Grant can be heard.

“Shots fired!” shouts Voight into his earpiece. “Does anyone have a shot?”

“Negative,” says Ruzek over the coms. “The shooter keeps moving.”

“He just needs to move a little and I got him,” says Jay into his earpiece as he looks through the motion sensor of his gun.

“As soon as you have it Jay, take it,” orders Voight.

Back in the ER, John is hovering over Connor.

“You lied to me!” shouts John. “I don’t like liars. Now you’re going to pay.”

John gives Connor a diabolical smile before raising his gun.

“I got it,” calls Jay over the coms. He pulls the trigger and the next thing that can be seen is his bullet flying through the air and hitting John in the chest.

John falls to the ground and Connor, who has a bruise on his face, gets up and runs in to check on Dr. Grant.

The doors to the hospital open and in rush the police.

Upstairs, Ethan has his arms wrapped around Natalie who’s hysterical crying after seeing see Dr. Grant get shot on the monitor. Goodwin has tears trickling down her face.

Outside, Will rushes up to the hospital only to be stopped by Burgess at the yellow tape.

“I have to get inside!” cries Will looking around and not seeing his brother.

“I’m sorry Will, but I can’t let you in,” says Burgess gently.

“You don’t understand…I,” starts Will unable to form a coherent word. “I have to know he’s ok.”

“As soon as it’s clear Will,” says Burgess who sees Roman waving her over. “I’m sorry.”

Will stands there in tears, hoping and praying that Connor is alright. 

…To Be Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	26. I Need Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews & support and thanks to my new beta reader rocknrollprincess131.

Scene: (con’t from last chapter) Kindred Hospital, twenty minutes later

The emergency room doors open and the EMTs wheel in Dr. Grant.

“White female,” says the male EMT. “Single gunshot wound to the chest, unable to stop the bleeding. Administered 1 milligram of epi.”

“Take her to treatment one,” says Dr. Jones directing the EMT’s. He is average height and fit with green eyes and sandy blonde hair. “One of the residents will get started.”

As the EMT’s follow instructions, Goodwin walks in and sees Dr. Jones.

“Dr. Jones,” says Goodwin, taking a deep breath. “Thank you so much for opening up your hospital to us, our hospital is a crime scene and off limits for who knows how long. Our patients are being transferred here as we speak.”

“After the horrific incident at your hospital, it’s the least we can do. Whatever space we have is yours.” Dr. Jones looking back towards the treatment room. “Is that Mary Grant?”

“Yes,” says Goodwin taking off her glasses. “she’s a good doctor and has a family.”

“I’ll do everything I can for her,” Dr. Jones reassures her.

“Another one of my doctors is in the ambulance behind us,” Goodwin turns to see if they’ve arrived yet. “Connor Rhodes. The shooter hit him with his gun and shot Dr. Grant right in front of him. He’s covered in her blood from trying to help and hasn’t spoken a word since the shooter was killed. I think he might be in shock. I'd appreciate it if someone could take a look at him and help him get cleaned up.”

“Of course,” says Dr. Jones as the doors open and the EMT’s wheel in Connor on a gurney. He has an oxygen mask and his face, hands, and scrubs are covered in Dr. Grant’s blood.

“White male.” says the female EMT. “Gash on the forehead, covered in blood, responsive on the ride here.”

“Take him to treatment three,” Dr. Jones points to the room as he turns to Goodwin. “Is that him?”

“Yes,” says Goodwin shaking her head. “I can’t believe this happened.”

“Don’t you worry, Sharon,” says Dr. Jones as he gets called into the treatment room. “Your people are in good hands here. I have to go.”

Dr. Jones walks off to assist with Dr. Grant and Goodwin takes a seat in the waiting room. What a day.

A few minutes later, Goodwin stands up when she hears commotion coming from the treatment room where Dr. Grant was taken.

Dr. Jones walks out and solemnly walks over to her.

“I’m sorry, Sharon,” says Dr. Jones remorsefully. “I did everything I could, but she lost too much blood. She’s gone, I’m so sorry.”

Goodwin starts crying, unable to control her emotion. How could this have happened?

Scene: Kindred Hospital, 30 minutes later

Claire comes running through the doors. She starts to approach the desk, but a voice calls to her.

“Claire.” says the voice. Claire turns around and sees Natalie in the waiting room.

“Natalie!” says a panicked Claire walking towards Natalie. “What happened? Is Connor ok?”

“Yeah, he’s fine.” says Natalie as she hears Claire’s intense breathing. “He just has a bruise from where he was hit with the gun. Luckily, the cops killed the guy before he had a chance to do anything else.”

“Oh, thank god.” says Claire holding her chest as she sits down. “If he’s ok though, why is he here?”

Natalie turns to face her. “When the police arrived, Connor was frozen like a statue unable to speak or move and covered in Dr Grant’s blood. Dr. Charles is with him now, but I think he’s traumatized from what he saw.”

“Oh, no." Claire bows her head to hold back the tears. “What happened to Dr. Grant?”

“She didn’t make it.” says Natalie sadly. “The doctors here tried, but she lost too much blood.”

Claire looks down, unable to fight back the tears. “What a shame. I met her once, she was very sweet.”

“She was.” says Natalie, grabbing Claire’s hand. “We lost a great doctor.”

“Connor’s not going to take that news well.” Claire wipes away a tear. “How do I help him cope with this?”

“I don’t know,” says Natalie gently. “but I know that your brother is strong and a fighter. So no matter what, he will be get through this.”

“I hope you’re right,” Claire sniffles. “When can I see him?”

Natalie puts her arm around Claire. “I don’t know, honey, but Dr. Charles will let us know.”

“Oh, Natalie,” says Claire putting her head in her hands. “When I got your call about the shooting, all I could do was pray that Connor would be alright. If I ever lost him…I just got him back, I could never lose him again.”

Claire breaks down in tears and Natalie pulls her into a hug. This is the single scariest thing that has ever happened to Claire, she’s just grateful that her brother’s alive.

Natalie and Claire sit in the waiting room waiting to hear about Connor and Dr. Grant. Twenty minutes later, they look up and sees Dr. Charles walking over to them.

“Excuse me, Claire,” says Dr. Charles as he approaches them. She stands up. “I’m Dr. Charles, nice to meet you.”

He extends his hand and she shakes it. “You too, Dr. Charles. How’s my brother?”

“Connor’s resilient.” says Dr. Charles as he motions for Claire to sit down. He sits next to her. “The shooter came in targeting Dr. Grant and he tried to save her. Your brother saw her get shot and he got covered in her blood trying to save her. He blames himself for being unable to protect her. Witnessing a violent crime like that has a severe effect on someone’s mind. Connor seems to be coping better; he’s no longer in shock, he understands that Dr. Grant died, and he’s speaking and eating. But he’s going to be in a delicate mental state for a few days. However, trauma like this takes time to heal so I will be following up with him regularly. Your brother is very strong and I’m confident he will make it through this.”

Claire sniffles fighting back tears. “Thank you. Can I see him?”

“Of course,” says Dr. Charles as he gets up. “Follow me.”

Claire follows Dr. Charles and he leads her to Connor’s room. She walks in and sees Connor wearing a pair of scrubs, that was the only spare thing the hospital had for him to change into.

“Hey." says Claire taking a deep breath. She knows Connor needs her to be strong.

She sits down next to him on the bed and Connor smiles at her.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Connor reaches for her hand. “This hospital jello is disgusting.”

They both laugh.

“I was really worried about you,” says Claire trying to meet his eyes. “I’m glad you’re alright. How are you feeling?

“I’m ok,” Connor leans his head on the pillow. “I feel like I got hit in the face with a brick, I never knew guns hurt so much.”

She runs his hand over the gash on his cheek, it’s not deep.

“They gave me some cream,” says Connor tilting his head. “They said it should heal in a few days.”

Claire squeezes his hand. “What else are you feeling?”

“Sad,” says Connor, looking down. “I tried so hard to protect Dr. Grant and I couldn’t. I watched that bastard shoot her…”

Tears are welling up in Connor’s eyes and Claire lifts his chin to look up at her. “You listen to me. You did everything you could, you can’t blame yourself.”

“I told her I’d protect her, but I knocked over that metal tray.” says Connor through tears. “If I hadn’t, the shooter would have never known we were there and she’d still be alive. I wouldn’t have the sight of him shooting her replaying in my head.”

Connor breaks down in tears, finally releasing his emotion over what happened. Claire pulls his head onto her lap and gently strokes his hair, letting him get it all out.

Scene: Kindred Hospital, one hour later

Will walks into the emergency room and approaches the desk. He got stuck talking to the police because he did the intake of John Meyer’s son last week so they had all sorts of questions for him. Will’s annoyed that it delayed him getting here to find out about Connor, and of course his phone died so he hasn’t been able to reach anyone.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Will Halstead.” says Will to the nurse. She is a short Spanish woman with long black hair. “I’m from Chicago Med and I just want to check on the status of one of my coworkers who was brought in.”

“I’m sorry sir,” says the nurse looking through some papers. “I can’t give out any information on patients unless you’re family. Hospital policy.”

“Do you not know what happened at our hospital?!?” shouts Will, letting out his aggravation. “Someone was shot and you’re here talking to me about hospital policy. Screw your policy, you should be ashamed of yourself.”

The nurse gives him a look clearly not appreciating his tone.

Out of the corner of his eye, Will sees Natalie walking towards him. Finally, there is someone who can tell him how Connor is.

“I’m sorry about his outburst,” says Natalie as she walks up to the desk and puts her arm around Will’s neck. “It’s been a rough day, we’re all a little on edge.”

“I understand,” says the nurse nodding. “I empathize with what you’ve all gone through, but our hospital has strict guidelines.”

“No need to explain,” says Natalie pinching Will’s neck. “Thank you for opening your hospital to us.”

She turns around and guides Will so he turns around and they walk into the waiting area.

“I know you’re upset and worried,” says Natalie as she turns to face him. “but you can’t come in here shouting at the nurse and making a scene. We’re guests here, they’re opening their hospital to us.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” says Will, unable to meet her eyes. “How’s Connor?”

“He’s traumatized from watching Dr. Grant get shot, Claire’s with him now.”

“Has he been admitted?” asks Will looking around. “Can I see him?”

“No, you cannot see him,” says a voice from a few feet away.

Will looks up and sees Claire walking towards him.

“Claire,” says Will trying to find his words.

“You have no business seeing my brother.” says Claire angrily as she puts her hand up. “He is in a very fragile state right now and seeing you is only going to make it worse. Connor’s been a mess since he found out you’re transferring. Your digs about our dad and him using you to get him into bed have hurt him in ways I didn’t even think was possible. Take your cruelty somewhere else and stay the hell away from my brother. I’m glad you’re leaving Chicago Med because you don’t deserve him.”

Before Will can respond, Claire walks away. Will slumps down into a chair overcome with frustration and regret.

“What did Claire mean by the dig about getting you into bed?” asks a curious Natalie as she sits down next to him.

Will sighs. “That day Connor found out about my transfer…After you walked out of the room, he tried to convince me to stay and give us another chance. He told me that I was it for him, the person he wants to be with, but I was angry and said I didn’t feel the same. Then I accused him of being a player who was just using me to get me into bed.”

“Oh Will,” Natalie puts her hands on her forehead, rubbing her temples. “why would you say something like that?”

“I don't know,” says Will dejectedly, shaking his head. “I was angry and it just came out. Just like when I made that comment about his dad not wanting him. I didn’t mean to say it, either of them, but my anger makes me say these stupid things. I thought that being cruel would make me feel better, but now it just makes me feel worse for being such an ass.”

“That I can’t deny.” says Natalie gently. “No offense.”

“I deserve it,” says Will feeling the emotion building up. “I ruined everything, Natalie. I could’ve fixed all this right then and there and given Connor another chance, but I was scared. Connor probably hates me, Claire definitely does.”

Will looks up at Natalie with tears in his eyes. “When I heard about the shooting, my first thought was about Connor. And you. Then I knew you were ok, but my heart was heavy worrying about Connor. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. My fear and my worry about something happening to him trumped any feelings of betrayal or concerns about genuine feelings I had. I need him Natalie, I can’t live without him. And I don’t know how I ever thought I could.”

Unable to control his emotions, Will bends over and cries into his hands. Natalie looks at him, touched by the sincerity and emotion she just felt from him. She puts her hand on his back to comfort him.

A little while later, Will has left and Natalie and Claire are sitting in the waiting room. Connor fell asleep so Natalie is sitting with her in silence.

They look up when Ms. Goodwin walks over to them.

“How’s Connor?” asks Goodwin gently as she sits next to Claire.

“He’s taking Dr. Grant’s death hard.” responds Claire. “He finally fell asleep a little while ago. I just hope that he’ll be able to get some closure with time and move on.”

“He’ll be in good hands,” says Goodwin reassuringly, putting her hand on Claire’s leg.

“Well well well.” The three of them whip their heads around to see Cornelius walk into the waiting room. “Look what we have here, the woman who let an armed gunman into the hospital and let a doctor die on her watch.”

“Today _really_ isn’t the day for this.” says Goodwin as she stands up. “What are you doing here Mr. Rhodes?”

“I came to see my son, of course,” says Cornelius. Claire starts to get up, but Natalie stops her. “I heard he tried to save that poor doctor from dying and got covered in her blood as a result. Is that how you run your hospital, Sharon?”

“This is not the place for this,” says Goodwin sternly. “Dr. Grant died in one of these treatment rooms less than two hours ago.”

“Precisely my point.” says Cornelius cockily. “Tell me Sharon, who had the brilliant idea of not having a security guard in the ER? That emergency shelter protocol locked down the waiting area and trapped the only security guard who could've helped.”

Goodwin swallows hard. “A security guard in the ER scares the patients. We don’t want to give the impression that our patients need to be scared when they come in. The Board decided when we opened the hospital that only one guard posted by the entry doors in the waiting room was necessary and I agreed with their decision.”

“That’s exactly why the hospital board is useless,” says Cornelius, shaking his head. “They have no power, they’re weak, and they let so much fly under the radar. Not having proper security is just a reckless decision and that’s the first thing I’m going to change when I became the board’s new chairman. Under my leadership, the board is finally going to have the authority it always should have had.”

Claire finally speaks up, her disbelief evident. “You’re trying to become chairman of the hospital board?”

“Yes, my dear.” Cornelius turns to his only daughter. “Someone’s gotta get this hospital into shape and protect the patients and everyone who works there. Including your brother.”

“Oh, please.” retorts Claire angrily. Natalie tries to stop her, but Claire stands up. “You don’t care about Connor or anyone else at the hospital. This is about you, you’re power hungry, Dad.”

“You sound just like your brother,” says Cornelius, unfazed by what she said. “He had the same reaction when he found out, but you’ll all see that this is the best.”

Cornelius turns to Goodwin. “I’d get rid of you too if I could, but everyone likes and respects you too much. Although, I am going to do everything in my power when I become chairman to run the hospital the right way under strict supervision. Kiss the days of your autonomy goodbye Sharon, things are about to change.”

“You need to leave now, Cornelius.” says Goodwin raising her voice. “You’re not the chairman yet and you are not welcome here.”

“First, I have to see my son.” says Cornelius, turning to Claire. “Where is he?”

“He’s sleeping,” Claire crosses her arms over chest. “but you’re not seeing him. I gave the hospital staff orders to not allow you visitation while Connor’s here. After how you treated him, you’re the last person he needs to see right now, and you don’t have influence here Dad so don’t even try.”

“You’ve got moxie, Claire, just like your friend over there.” Cornelius motions over to Natalie. “Whether you know it or not, you need your dear old dad. This will all blow over and we’ll all be together again.” He turns to walk away. “See all of you soon.”

Cornelius walks off and Claire looks at Goodwin. “Is my dad really going to become the new chairman of the hospital board?”

“He’s been trying," explains Goodwin, pulling out of her phone. “and this unfortunate shooting is going to help his cause. I have to make a call, excuse me.”

Natalie reaches for Claire’s hand. “Come sit down, honey. Focus on Connor right now, your dad’s a jerk. You can deal with him later.”

Claire nods and sits back down. She has to focus on her brother right now, but man, their dad really knows how to push buttons.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	27. It Was Just You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta rocknrollprincess131.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 3 days later (Thursday), 10 A.M.**

Will, wearing black sweats, is sitting at the kitchen counter nursing a cup of coffee. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Connor for the last two days. All he wants to do is talk to him and make everything better. Will longs to hold Connor in his arms and just make the trauma that he’s going through better.

There is a knock on Will’s door. Confused, he gets up to answer it, opening the door to see Jay.

“Hey Jay,” says Will, opening the door wider. “Since when do you knock?”

Jay laughs. “I’m trying to be better at respecting your space. May I come in?”

“Of course.” says Will ushering him inside.

Jay enters and sees that the apartment is a mess. Clothes strewn on the floor, papers scattered on the furniture, DVD boxes in front of the the television, empty food containers on the counter. Will usually lets the place go a little when he’s busy, but he’s never seen his apartment such a mess before. Plus, Will’s been off for days so it’s not like he hasn’t had time to clean.

“Will, are you ok?” asks Jay as Will walks into the living room. Will at least has a fresh shave and a haircut, so it’s just his apartment that’s in shambles.

“I’m fine, why?” asks Will as he plops down on the couch. Jay sees a pillow and blanket on the couch, has Will been sleeping there?

“No offense brother,” says Jay picking up an empty Chinese food container. “but your apartment is a disaster. I’ve seen you let it go a little, but this is a new level, and it worries me.”

“Don’t worry,” says Will putting his arm behind his head. “Everything’s fine. I’m just enjoying my vacation, the shooting and Dr. Grant’s death have made me care less about how my apartment looks. I have to focus on living my life. The hospital’s closed until Monday so I’ve had no reason to really clean up. ”

Jay walks into the living room and puts his hands in his pockets. “I know the shooting was scary and Dr. Grant’s death is hard to process, but being cooped up in your apartment is not exactly living. How’s Connor doing?”

Will shrugs. “Fine, I guess. I don’t really know, I haven’t seen him.”

Jay sits down on the coffee table across from Will.

“What do you mean?” asks Jay, brushing aside some papers. “Why haven’t you seen him?”

“Because his sister won’t let me,” Will starts picking at his fingernails. “She hates me for the cruel things that I said to him. Connor’s fragile after watching Dr. Grant get shot and she doesn’t want me to make it worse.”

“What cruel things did you say to him?” asks a confused Jay. Apparently Will hasn’t told him everything.

“During two of our fights after we ended things,” says Will looking down at his fingers in shame. “I made snide remarks about his dad not wanting him and then about him playing me to get me into bed.”

Jay hits his leg and Will flinches in response. “Ow!”

“Connor is crazy about you,” scolds Jay shaking his head. “How could you say those things to him?”

“I was mad,” says Will scratching his arm. “I was trying to hurt him like he hurt me, but I was just a cruel asshole. I wish I could take them back.”

“I have to be honest,” says Jay sheepishly. “At Erin’s party, I warned Connor about hurting you. And I intended to follow up, I did follow up actually.”

“What did you do, Jay?” asks a serious Will leaning forward.

“I sorta pushed him against the wall one day last week when he was walking out of work,” says Jay sheepishly. “I punched him in the stomach and kicked him in the nuts for hurting you. I was gonna knock him around some more, but he was so apologetic and sincere that I couldn’t.”

“Jay!” cries an outraged Will. “How could you do that?”

“You’re my brother and I love you. He hurt you and I couldn’t just let him get away with it.” Jay rationalizes, putting his hand up. “I had to make him pay for that.”

Will shakes his head. “I really wish you hadn’t done that, Jay. I know you were looking out for me, but I would never want you to physically harm him.”

“I’m sorry,” Jay begins rubbing his palms together. “For what it’s worth, his remorse was very genuine and that’s why I didn't do anything else.”

When Will wouldn't look at him, Jay puts his hand on his brother knee. “Come on, Will, you know how I get when it comes to protecting you. I’m sorry.”

Will sits back. “I’ll forgive you this time because I know it came from a good place, but I don’t ever want to find out you did something like that again.”

“You have my word.” says Jay with a smile. “Connor’s very special, Will, I realized in that moment how deeply he cares for you.”

Will smiles weakly and looks down. “I miss him so much Jay, it hurts.”

He continues finally letting go of the feelings he’s been bottling up. “You saved his life by killing the shooter, but I’ll never be able to make this right again. I just want him to know that I’m sorry and that I realized how insignificant all of our issues seem now. The worry, the fear I felt when I didn’t know where he was, it made me forget any insecurities I ever had about our relationship and his feelings. All I want is to be with him again.”

“So then you need to tell him that. You have to let him know that you want to fix things.”

“That’s the worst part, he tried to fix this before I started my vacation. He tried to convince me not to transfer hospitals and give us another shot,” says Will choking back his tears. “but I blew him off because I was scared, and now Claire hates me and Connor probably does too. He’ll never want to fix things now.”

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to show you this,” says Jay as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. “this is a copy of something we found at the crime scene, in the room where Dr. Grant was shot.”

Will takes the paper from his brother and recognizes Connor’s handwriting.

_Claire and Natalie: The two of you have made my life so much better with your love and support. No matter what happens to me, I will always love you. –Connor._

_Will: The time we spent together was the happiest of my life. I always thought there was something about you that I needed, but it turns out that it wasn't something about you at all. It was just you. –Connor._

Tears are dripping down Will’s cheek as he reads Connor's words.

_**Connor must have been worried that he was going to die and wrote this just in case, oh my god.** _

“I can’t believe he wrote this for me.” says Will wiping away a tear. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m sorry, Will,” says Jay as he hands his brother a tissue. “showing that to you was the only way I could think of to convince you that Connor doesn’t hate you. You have to get out of this funk and go talk to him.”

“Thanks." Will says with a sniffle, still completely floored by what Connor wrote. How could Will have ever doubted his feelings?

“How about I help you clean this place up to start?” asks Jay, looking around. “I can’t let my brother live like this anymore.”

Will laughs as Jay extends his hand to help Will up. Time to move forward.

**Scene : Kindred Hospital, 1 P.M.**

Connor, wearing a gray t-shirt and black jeans, is packing his clothes. He is finally ready to get out of here and go home. Despite working at one, he hates hospitals when he’s the patient. It's time to go back to his life, albeit slowly due to the trauma he experienced.

“Hey,” says Claire, walking into the room, causing Connor to turn around.

“Hey.” says Connor, smiling as he notices his sister holding some papers. “Are those my discharge papers?”

“Yup, all filled out.” Claire hands them to him with a pen. “You just need to sign the bottom of both pages.”

He takes the papers and pen from his sister and signs them.

“All done,” says Connor, handing them back to Claire. “I can’t wait to get out of here, I miss my apartment and my bed.”

Claire puts the papers on the table next to the bed. “How are you feeling, Connor?”

He sits down on the bed. “Good, I feel much more like myself. Speaking with Dr. Charles the last few days has been helpful, he helped me understand that Dr. Grant’s death was not my fault. I did my best to save her, I just now have to move on and not let this rule my life. I’m going to keep talking to Dr. Charles as long as he deems necessary.”

Claire smiles at him. “I’m glad to hear that, you’ve even seemed more like yourself since yesterday.”

Connor smiles and starts to stand up. “So can we go?”

“Wait,” says Claire, motioning for her brother to sit back down, which he does. “I have to ask you a question. Dad was here the other day talking about becoming chairman of the hospital board and he said you knew. Did you?”

“I did,” says Connor, taking a deep breath. “The night of the donor’s dinner I overheard him on the phone basically saying that he used the speech he gave about Mom as a political move to gain the board’s support. Confronting him about that is what led to me confessing I’m gay. I should have told you, I’m sorry. Ms. Goodwin didn’t want me to say anything, but that shouldn’t have included you, too.”

“No need to be sorry,” says Claire, putting the pieces together in her head. “I didn’t press you for all the details about what happened that night because they weren’t important, all I cared was about how Dad treated you. I don’t work at the hospital so there isn’t really much of a need for me to know anyway. That night makes a lot more sense now.”

Claire shakes her head, continuing. “Leave it to Dad to use Mom’s memory to further his own agenda. Making a night that was supposed to be about Mom instead about him.”

“I know,” Connor starts playing with his fingers. “Ms. Goodwin and some members of the board are fighting to keep him from becoming chairman, they’re hiring a lawyer I think.”

“They’re gonna have an uphill battle,” says Claire, not wanting to upset her brother, but knowing she should tell him. “Dad was here the other day and he pretty much said he’s going to use the shooting as leverage to gain support in becoming chairman.”

“I don’t know why I’m surprised.” scoffs Connor. “Typical dad move. Using anything, even a tragic shooting, to get what he wants.”

“Speaking of,” says Claire as she sits down next to Connor and pulls out a piece of paper from her purse. “Detective Lindsay gave me a copy of this from crime scene even though she wasn’t supposed to. She thought I’d want to see it. Do you wanna tell me about it?”

He takes the paper from his sister’s hands. It’s the messages Connor wrote for Claire, Natalie, and Will in the event he didn’t make it out.

Connor stares at the paper trying to find his words.

“When the metal tray fell, we knew the shooter knew someone was in the room,” says Connor, his voice is barely above a whisper. “I decided to go out and distract him so Dr. Grant could hide. But I knew there was a chance it wouldn’t turn out well and I might end up…dead.”

Connor swallows hard, choking out his words. “I wrote this note because I knew I wanted to leave something for you guys in case I didn’t make it.”

Claire puts her hand on his shoulder and he looks at her with tears in his eyes. “I’m so grateful you did make it, Connor. I could never go on without you, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” says Connor as she pulls him into a tight hug.

“Writing to Will in that moment says a lot,” says Claire as they break their hug and she looks into his eyes. “You’re still completely infatuated with him, aren’t you?”

“I am.” says Connor, wiping away his tears. “If those were going to be my final moments to say something, I had to write to Will so he knows how I feel.”

Claire looks down. “He came to see you two days ago, but I kicked him out because I didn’t want him to upset you. Especially after those cruel things he said to you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but in light of seeing this, I should’ve asked you before I made that decision.”

“It’s ok.” says Connor, sniffling. “You were just looking out for me. I was still kinda in shock so it was probably best that I didn’t see him. Except I meant every word I wrote, Will is everything I’ve been looking for and I want to be with him. I just…I don’t know if there’s a chance for us.”

Claire grabs his hand. “For what it’s worth, he seemed pretty concerned about you. I like Will, I always have, I just hate to see you hurting like this because of him. But if you guys get back together, you have my full support.”

“Thanks, Claire,” says Connor, squeezing her hand. “Can we get out of here now?”

She smiles at him. “Absolutely, let’s go.”

Connor grabs his bag and after dropping his discharge papers off, they walk out to Claire’s car.

“Just who I was looking for.” calls a voice from behind them.

Claire closes the trunk and she and Connor turn around to see their dad.

“How are you feeling, son?” asks Cornelius, walking over to them.

“Come on, let’s just go.” Claire begins tugging at Connor's arm.

“No, wait.” Connor pulls away from his sister’s grip and turns to face his dad.  
“So _now_ I’m your son? I thought I was disowned because I’m gay.”

“That was an overreaction on my part and I’m sorry,” Cornelius clears his throat. “What you do with your private life is not my business or anyone else’s. You can be my son again as long as you keep this lifestyle choice a secret.”

His father’s words ring in head. _You can be my son again_ , _lifestyle choice_ , _secret_. What an arrogant asshole.

“Screw you, Dad!” sneers Connor, gritting his teeth. “Being gay is not a lifestyle choice, it’s how I was born and it’s who I am. I’d rather shout my truth from the rooftops of Chicago if not the world than hide it to be your son again. I don’t need you.”

Claire smiles, proud of her brother for standing up for himself.

“Come on, Claire.” Cornelius directs his eyes towards her. “Talk some sense into him.”

“I stand by Connor,” says Claire, firmly crossing her arms over her chest. “You're an arrogant, judgmental jerk. Connor can’t deny who he is just because you’re a close-minded homophobe. That’s your problem, not his.”

Cornelius grins at his children. “The two of you will realize soon enough that you need me and you’ll be apologizing for all these harsh things you’re saying. And because I'm your father, I’ll welcome you back with open arms.”

“Don’t hold your breath.” scoffs Connor before turning back to Claire. “Let’s get out of here.”

They get into Claire’s car, leaving Cornelius standing there. They’ll come back to him, he knows it.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 5 hours later (6 P.M.)**

After they left the hospital, Claire helped Connor get settled back in his apartment and then they spent a couple of hours just hanging out. They grabbed an early dinner and then Claire went home to do some work. Connor is now sitting on his couch wearing a white wifebeater and blue sweatpants watching _Empire_ on Hulu. It feels good to be home.

_Man, this show is great._ thinks Connor as he turns up the volume to hear Cookie saying “If you want Cookie’s nookie, ditch the bitch.”

_This Cookie character takes no shit and is hilarious, I love her._

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. He pauses _Empire_ wondering who that could be.

Connor gets up to answer the door and is stunned to see Will. Despite what his sister said about Will seeming worried about him, Connor never expected to see him at his door.

“Hi,” says Will awkwardly.

_...To Be Continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	28. You're The One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131 for editing this chapter and for introducing me to Pinterest. Per her suggestion, I will be creating Pinterest boards and including links in order to help readers better visualize what is happening in the story. I know it's a little late since this is already chapter 28, but I never had anyone to introduce me to it before, but the story is still going strong and there will be a number Pinterest boards coming. The first one I have is for characters where, as my beta does, I have pictures of my dream actors/actresses for the role specified:  
> https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment (con’t)**

“Hi,” says Connor, leaning against the door frame.

“Can I come in?” asks Will, unable to stop staring at Connor’s arms. They’re so prominent in his wifebeater that he can’t help it.

“Uh, yeah.” says Connor trying to find his words. “Come in.”

He moves aside and ushers Will inside. Shutting the door, Connor turns around to face Will.

“I see you’re watching _Empire_ ,” says Will pointing to the television. “Isn’t that show amazing?”

“It is,” says Connor putting his hands in his pockets. “I just started it the other day, I’m on Episode 108 so I have a bit to catch up on it.”

“Cookie’s the best,” says Will, smiling. “I wouldn’t dare cross her.”

“Yeah, me neither,” says Connor as he feels the tension in the air.

They stand in silence for about two minutes before Connor finally decides to say something.

“So,” Connor moves his eyes around the apartment. “What brings you by?”

“I wanted to see how you’re doing.” Will leans against the wall. “You know after the shooting and everything.”

“I’m good,” says Connor as he walks over to sit on the couch. “I’m talking to Dr. Charles and my sister has been helping me through.”

“That’s good,” Will runs his hand through his hair. “I’m glad.”

Another minute of awkward silence.

“Is that all?” asks Connor as he sees Will lost in thought.

“I miss you.” says Will looking down, he spoke so lowly that Connor just barely heard him.

“I miss you, too.” Connor replies nonchalantly. “Except you’re the one who gave up on us and dismissed every attempt I made at fixing this.”

“I know, but Connor, I was so hurt.” says Will as he leans over the living room chair. “It felt like everything we had, everything that happened between us, was all one big lie. I couldn’t get past it, I didn't know how.”

“So is that what you’re here to tell me?” asks Connor in an accusatory tone. “Because I already knew that. I got the message loud and clear, especially when you made those spiteful comments.”

Will starts to talk, but Connor cuts him off.

“The one about playing you to get you into bed proved how little you knew me.” says Connor, shaking his head in frustration. “It hurt, but not like the one you made about my dad. You were there that night…you came looking for me. You brought my sister to comfort me. You knew how painful it was to hear my dad disown me for being gay. I trusted you with such a big part of my life.”

He looks up at Will, spitting his words out in anger. “But despite all of that, you still used it to hurt me. I let you off easy that day you said it because I didn’t wanna make a scene, but I’m not holding back this time. What you said felt like the same daggers to my heart as when my dad said those things about me gay. You cut me so deep with something so personal, I feel like I still have the scars.”

“I am so sorry,” Will walks over and bends down next to Connor. “I was cruel because I thought it would make me feel better to hurt you back and share the pain, but I regretted that comment the second it came out of my mouth. I never wanted to be the type of person to use something personal like that to hurt you, but I was angry and I couldn’t control it slipping out.”

Connor is holding his head down trying to keep Will from seeing his tears.

“Please look at me.” says Will desperately as he gently lift Connor’s chin and sees his eyes are glassy. “You’re too handsome to stain that beautiful face with tears.”

Connor lets out a small laugh, his tears falling when he blinks.

“I made a mistake... well, two mistakes, when I made those comments.” says Will grabbing Connor’s hand. “I am so sorry. I know you didn't play me to get me into bed, that was stupid to say.”

“It was,” Connor says with a sniffle.

“I came here,” says Will looking up and trying to meet Connor’s eyes. “not to rehash everything we’ve already exhausted. I came here to fix this. Because I need you Connor. I can’t live without you even though I tried to convince myself that I could."

Connor meets his eyes and for the first time, he feels hope. “So does that mean you forgive my mistake?”

“Mistake?!” cries Will, letting go of Connor's hand and standing up. “What you did was _way more_ than a mistake, it was an intentional lie. For selfish reasons too.”

“Selfish reasons of not wanting to lose you,” rationalizes Connor as he stands up. “I honestly thought my lie was the best way to keep us together at the time. I know it was wrong of me and I’m sorry.”

“Why would you ever think lying is the answer?” asks Will practically attacking Connor with his tone, having made his way into the kitchen. “We were building trust, lies are the opposite of trust.”

“Because my past with Jesse isn’t exactly something I’m proud of and want to share.” says Connor walking towards Will. “I made a selfish choice leaving him without any explanation because I was scared of who I was and what loving him meant. How could I not expect that you, the guy I’m crazy about, would see that as a red flag?”

“How could you not except that I’d understand?” shouts Will in frustration. “What you did to Jesse, I told you that I understand the impulse and reasoning behind it better than anyone because we’ve both struggled with being gay. That’s why I can't fathom how you think I’d run instead of understanding.”

“I couldn’t risk losing you!” cries Connor, making a fist in annoyance. “Damn it, Will! I’ve been infatuated with you since before anything happened between us. Then we started seeing each other and my feelings grew exponentially in such a short amount of time. You became the only thing I could think about. At night, I’d lay in bed dreaming you were sleeping next to me. In the morning, I’d wake up wishing you were in my arms. I was falling for you so hard and so fast and for the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared. I was excited to see where the future would take us because I had this feeling that we’d be really happy together. When you asked me about serious relationships from my past, I was petrified that if you knew how selfish I could be and how horrible I could treat someone, that future I was looking forward to would disappear.”

“It still doesn’t justify lying to me!” says Will angrily pacing. “That’s all well and good to hear, but none of it can make your lie okay.”

Will’s chest is rising and falling quickly, this is not how he expected this to go.

“You're right, Will,” says Connor, taking a deep breath. “Nothing can ever make the fact that I lied to you okay and I am sorry. I am so sorry. But that one lie doesn’t change how I feel about you, and it most certainly doesn’t change what we have. My feelings, our connection and chemistry, it’s all one hundred percent real.”

Will sits down at the kitchen counter putting his head back in an attempt to contain his emotions. “I believe you, Connor. It took me some time, but I finally realized that I was wrong to doubt your feelings for me. I think I always knew your feelings were real, but finding out you lied…it scared me.”

“Scared you how?” asks Connor walking closer to Will.

“It made me realize how much of myself I had shown you.” says Will, looking down, unable to face Connor as he admits this. “How vulnerable I allowed myself to be and how much you matter to me that one lie hurt me so much. That’s never happened to me, ever, because I’ve never let my walls down for anyone but you. Your one lie hurting me so much made me realize the power you have over me. So it was just easier for me to push you away and end this because it scares the shit out of me that you have the power to break me.”

“Hey,” Connor walks over and kneels down next to Will. He puts his hand on Will’s leg, which causes him to look up and Connor looks into Will’s eyes. “I will never break you. You mean absolutely everything to me, Will, I am totally crazy about you, and all I ever want to do is protect you and your heart. I know my lie hurt, but I promise that I will never lie to you again and that I will protect you with everything I have.”

Will wipes away a single tear that managed to get out in all his anger and smiles at the sincerity in Connor’s eyes and words. “When I found out about the shooting, I was absolutely mortified when Natalie told me that no one knew where you were. For an instant, it felt like my body was jelly. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t function knowing that something might’ve happened to you. And it was then that I realized that all of our issues, everything we’ve been going back and forth about, just didn't matter. Faced with the prospect of losing you, all of my doubts, fears, and insecurities were completely eclipsed by my worry for you. That was when it finally became clear to me that no matter what, I need you in my life because even though I said otherwise, you are it for me, Connor.”

Unsure of how to respond, Connor stands up and sitting next to Will, he pulls him into a big hug. A tight one. Despite all the anger and the emotion that just came out, it feels so good to be together again.

After a few minutes, they break apart and smile at each other.

“You know,” says Will, a little unsure if he should mention this. “My brother showed me something from the crime scene. A note you had written to me, Claire, and Natalie.”

Connor’s eyes widen a little bit. “Did it completely freak you out? Because it was just… in the moment, I was worried I’d never see you again and because of the tension between us, I had to let you know how I felt.”

“No, it didn't freak me out,” Will says with a laugh. “Quite the opposite, actually. First, what you wrote was unbelievably sweet and your words were so simple yet eloquent. Second, the fact that you were writing to me in what you thought could’ve been your last moments, I was completely floored. It removed any remaining doubt I had about your feelings and actually made me feel stupid for ever doubting how you felt. To write to me…me, that’s…wow.”

“You’re the one, Will.” says Connor, reaching for Will’s hand. “If those were indeed my last moments, aside from Natalie and Claire, there was no one else on my mind.”

Will happily takes Connor’s hand and squeezes it tightly.

“I’m sorry we wasted these last two weeks going back and forth,” says Connor, rubbing Will’s knuckles with his finger.

“Me too,” says Will, looking down. “I’m also sorry I wasn’t here for you when you experienced this trauma watching Dr. Grant get shot. If I hadn’t been so dead set on running away from you, I would’ve been here when you needed me most. The ordeal you went through…a boyfriend is supposed to be there for things like that.”

Connor tilts his head in surprise at hearing Will use the word boyfriend. They had never officially labeled what they were.

Unable to look up at Connor, Will continues. “I should’ve just…we should’ve really talked instead of having the same conversations over and over going around in circles. I should’ve really listened instead of pushing you away.”

“You were mad. I should’ve understood that and given you space,” says Connor, clearing his throat. “Neither of us handled this the right way, but maybe this time apart helped us realize that. We’re both stubborn and it’s our instinct to fight and run instead of being rational and talking. This won’t be the first problem we face so maybe this was a lesson for next time.”

“You’re right, maybe it was.” Will smiles at Connor’s words. “How are you handling everything with Dr. Grant’s death?”

“It’s not easy,” Connor takes a deep breath. “I tried to protect her, but it was me knocking over one of those metal trays of medical supplies that alerted the shooter to us. I blamed myself for her death because of that, but Dr. Charles helped me see that’s not the case. It still stings, I wish I could’ve done more for her, and I’m trying to get the image of her being shot out of my head. It’s like it’s on a constant loop, but it’s slowly fading.”

Will gives Connor a sympathetic look and interlocks their fingers. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, but Dr. Charles is right. You did all you could and with time, it’ll get better. I know you’ve had Claire, but you have me now, too. For better or worse, for whatever you need, I promise to be here for you.”

Connor smiles. “Is that your first promise as my boyfriend?”

Will raises his eyebrows, slightly uncomfortable at the word, but knows he’s the one who said it.

“Hey,” says Connor, putting his hand up and laughing a little. “You’re the one who said it, not me. We don’t have to label anything if you don’t want to.”

Will considers it for a moment. They can’t screw this up again, but how could he not want this handsome, sweet guy to be his boyfriend?

“Do you think it’s too fast?” Will asks, still conflicted.  
“I think,” says Connor tilting his head. “that I’d love for you to be my boyfriend. I think it’s the perfect start to this new chapter for us. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

Will smiles at hearing this. “You’re the only one I want too, _boyfriend_.”

“Boyfriend,” repeats Connor. “I like the sound of that.”

They both laugh, enjoying this moment.

“I really missed you, Connor,” says Will looking into Connor's eyes. “I never thought I’d be able to look into those beautiful eyes again.”

“I really missed you, too, Will,” says Connor, putting his hand on the back of Will’s head and pulling him in close for a kiss. Their kiss is very sensual as Will puts his hand on Connor's leg and Connor runs his hands through Will’s hair. It’s almost like everything they’ve gone through, the passion and the pain, is being put into the kiss.

“Damn,” Will says, gasping for air as they break their kiss. “I certainly missed kissing you.”

“As did I.” says a smiling Connor, putting his hand on Will’s knee. “Do you wanna watch _Empire_ with me?”  
  
“I’d love to,” Will knows this is an opportunity for something he’s been wanting to do.

Connor stands up and gives Will a small kiss before taking his hand and leading him into the living room.

They sit down on the couch and Connor picks up the remote. “Do you want a pillow to put behind your head?”

“No,” says Will sheepishly. “I was kinda hoping I could…I could hold you.”

Connor smiles at how sweet that is. “I couldn’t think of anything more perfect.”

Will lies down with his back to the couch and Connor lies down in front of him. Will wraps his arms around Connor’s waist and rests his chin on Connor’s neck.

“Don’t forget I’m only on Episode 8.” Connor holds the remote in his hand. “So don’t spoil it for me.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” says Will, relishing this moment. “I probably won’t even be watching, I’m just going to enjoy having you in my arms. I’ve been wanting to hold you ever since the incident at the hospital, to make you feel protected and cared for.”

“That’s very sweet.” Connor turns his head back to look at Will.

“I’ve got you now,” Will kisses Connor’s cheek. “and I am never letting you go again, _boyfriend_.”

Connor snuggles closer to Will and they start watching _Empire_. After all they’ve been through, this was exactly what they needed to start the new chapter in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	29. The Two Most Important People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> I've added the new characters from this chapter to my Pinterest board so please check it out: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Thursday), 8 A.M.**

“I’m coming,” calls a groggy Will in response to the knocking on his door. He’s walking through the kitchen while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Opening the door, he sees Jay wearing a black button down shirt, dark gray tie, and black dress pants.

“Well, you certainly don’t look ready to go.” says Jay as he notices his brother still in his sweats.

“Good morning to you, too,” greets Will sarcastically as he turns around to walk into the kitchen. Jay walks in and closes the door behind him, he follows Will into the kitchen.

“We have to be at the church for the service in an hour,” Jay says as Will puts on some coffee. “I figured you’d at least be up when I got here.”

“I got in late.” says Will, sitting at the counter. “I took your advice and went to talk to Connor.”

“Oh." Jay leans over the chair, intrigued. “How did that go?”

“There was a lot of fighting and some tears,” Will looks down at his hand, still able to feel Connor’s fingers wrapped around his. “but we managed to sort out our issues.”

“Wait,” A smile begins to form on Jay's face. “does that mean what I think it means?”

“Yes.” Will smiles at his brother. “We’re back together and we’re going to start a new chapter in our relationship.”

“That’s great, man.” Jay walks over and hugs his brother. “You must be thrilled.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty much over the moon.” says a grinning Will as he hears the coffee beep signaling it’s done. “After we worked through everything, we just laid together watching television and lost track of time. It felt so good to finally be back with him. We’re officially boyfriends now, too.”

“It’s about time you guys made it official,” says Jay, slapping his brother on the shoulder, making Will laugh. “I’m really happy you guys worked it out.”

“Thanks, Jay.” Will walks over to pour himself a cup of coffee. “You want some?”

“If I say yes, will you go get dressed?” Jay jokingly asks.

“Haha,” Will mockingly replies as he hands his brother a cup of coffee. “I’m just gonna have my coffee and then I’ll get ready. We’ll have plenty of time.”

Jay nods as he takes a sip of his coffee. “I assume Connor’s coming to the funeral.”

“He is.” Will raises his eyebrow. “Why, what do you wanna do to him now?”

“Nothing." Jay puts his hand up. “I was just going to suggest that maybe we could pick him up and all go together.”

“He’s going with his sister.” says Will, sipping his coffee. “I want you to apologize for what you did when you see him.”

“I thought you forgave me.” Jay puts his hands on the counter. “You said you did.”

“ _I_ did,” Will says with a tilt of his head. “but Connor’s the one you attacked, not me, so it’s him who has to forgive you. He’s my boyfriend now and I want to make sure the air is clear between the two of you. I don’t want any problems between the two most important people in my life.”

Jay smiles upon hearing his brother say those words. “Absolutely, I’ll apologize.”

“Good,” says Will as he puts his coffee cup in the sink. “I’m gonna shower and get ready. I should be done in twenty minutes.”

Jay watches his brother walk out of the room, he’s glad Will and Connor worked things out.

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, 8:30 A.M.

“Connor.” says Claire, adjusting her brother’s tie. “If you don’t stop moving, I can’t fix your tie.”

They are in Connor’s living room getting ready for the service. Claire is wearing a black pant suit and Connor is wearing a white button down shirt and black dress pants with a silver tie.  
  
“I can’t help it.” Connor feels his palms starting to sweat. “It feels like I’m choking. Where did you learn to do ties anyway?”

“I learned a thing or two from living with Dad.” Claire fixes Connor's collar. “Not all of it was bad.”

They both laugh as she brushes Connor’s shirt. “There, all done.”

“Finally, thank you.” Connor puts his hand at the collar, feeling how tight it is. “I hate wearing ties, they’re so constricting.”

“Stop fussing.” says Claire, picking up her purse. “You look handsome. You’re lucky you have a sister that knows how to do ties. I still can’t believe you don’t know how.”

“Hey,” Connor replies defensively. “I know how, I just suck at it since I never wear them. It took forever to do the tie I wore to the donor’s dinner.”

“Well maybe your new boyfriend can help with that. Although I think Will would probably prefer to take your tie off.” She says with a wink.

“I’d rather take his tie off, too.” says Connor with a smirk, his thoughts going back to the last time Will was shirtless.

“Please,” says Claire playfully, putting her hand up to signify she doesn’t want to hear anymore. “I don’t need the details.”

“Oh stop,” says Connor laughing. “I can’t help that my boyfriend is a hunk.”

“It’s good to see you smile and laugh again.” Claire puts her hand on his shoulder. “You’ve seemed happier in the last hour than you have in the last week.”

“Everything feels like it’s back in place again.” Connor picks up his keys. “It was an intense night, but Will and I laid all our cards on the table and came out the other side stronger and better. As hard as this path was, I think it was necessary for both of us to realize just how much we mean to each other.”

Claire smiles at him, happy that her brother is back with “his Jake”. At least one of them can find that true happiness.

“Let’s get going,” says Connor walking towards the door. “I don’t wanna be late.”

Claire follows Connor out the door hoping that Dr. Grant’s service will be able to provide some sort of closure for her brother.

**Scene : Holy Name Cathedral, 9 A.M.**

Connor, with his sister on his arm, walks into the church. It is very large with multiple aisles and about one hundred pews situated in front of the large platform with the pulpit at the front of the church. There are statues of Catholic saints scattered throughout the church, there is a skylight, and beautiful stained glass windows adorned with scenes from the Bible. Dr. Grant’s casket, a simple wooden casket, is at the front of the church.

They look around and see Goodwin, some of the hospital board members, Dr. Charles, Maggie, April, Ethan, Reese, Natalie, and some of the other hospital staff members. They also see Dr. Grant’s husband, Kyle, and her two children, twenty-year-old Paul and seventeen-year-old Heather. Dr. Grant had expressed wishes of wanting a simple church service instead of an expensive funeral in the event of her death so her husband has honored her wishes.

Claire sees that her brother is searching the room for Will.

“Is your hunky boyfriend here?” asks Claire, laughing silently and pulling at his arm to make him look at her.

“Are you talking about me?” asks a voice behind them. Connor and Claire turn around to see Will and Jay. “Although it’s definitely my boyfriend who is the hunk.”

Connor smiles at seeing Will. Knowing they’re in public and not wanting to pull the focus from Dr. Grant, he leans in and gives Will a hug.

“I’d kiss you, but I don’t think is the right place for us to come out as a couple.” whispers Connor into Will’s ear.

“I agree,” Will whispers back. “But damn babe, that cologne smells amazing.”

Connor smiles as they remain in their embrace.

“Excuse me.” Jay mockingly addressing the two of them. “Don’t forget about us over here.”

Connor and Will break their hug and Will rolls his eyes at his brother. “You’re such a spoil sport.”

Connor clears his throat and they all laugh.

“Claire,” says Will, motioning with his hands. “this is my brother, Jay. Jay, this is Connor’s sister Claire.”

“Nice to meet you,” says Jay as he extends his hand.

“Oh wow, _you’re_ the one.” says Claire to Jay as she shakes his hand.  
  
Jay gives her a confused look as she continues.

“You’re the one who saved my brother’s life.” says Claire in awe as she steps forward. “Thank you so much, you took out that madman before he shot Connor. You’re the reason he’s still here, I’ll forever be grateful to you.”

Jay is caught off guard as Claire leans in to hug him. Touched by her words because he knows what it is to have a brother who you treasure, he hugs her back.

“You’re very welcome,” says Jay as they break their hug and he nods at Connor. “I couldn’t exactly let anything happen to my brother’s boyfriend, now could I?”

Claire smiles at her brother and Goodwin walks over to them. “The service is about to start.”

The four of them walk to the last pew on the right side and see Natalie. “There you guys are, I’ve been sitting here waiting for you.”

They all exchange hellos and then take a seat. The order they sit in is: Natalie, Claire, Connor, Will, and Jay. Jay wishes Erin was there, but Intelligence is working a big case and Voight could only let one of them off.

A tall white man, wearing traditional clerical clothing, walks out onto the platform and over to the pulpit.

“Good morning everyone, I am Father Gallo,” says Father Gallo. “We are here today to mourn the loss of Mary Grant. Death is one of the few events that are certain to occur and one of the hardest to deal with. It seems that we spend more time preparing for two weeks away on vacation than we do for our last days on Earth. We have ceremonies when we are born, when we get married, and when we die, for these are the milestones of life. During painful times like these, it is important that we remain together for this support helps us move on. At this time, I would like to invite Mary’s husband Kyle up here for the eulogy.”

Kyle stands up and walks over to the pulpit. He is average height with dark brown hair and black eyes. Pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket, he begins.

“Mary was my best friend and the love of my life. We met in college and even though our relationship went through its fair share of challenges, we made it through and spent twenty-five years happily married,” says Kyle, holding back his tears. “Mary loved her job, she said she always knew that she wanted to be a doctor. She dedicated her life to medicine and saving people, it was something she was so proud of. But more than that, Mary loved me and our children. She told me that the greatest days of her life were the days we got married and the days our children, Paul and Heather, were born. Mary watched them grow up and beamed with pride at the strong willed, independent teenagers they had become. My wife may be gone now, but I know that she will always be with us for the rest of our lives. The three of us will carry on Mary’s memory and continue loving her as if she’s never left.”

Kyle returns to his seat, tears flowing, and hugs his children, who are also in tears.

At their pew, Connor is also crying after hearing what Dr. Grant’s husband said. He knows he tried to save her, that it wasn’t his fault, but damn, why does it have to suck so much?

Will sees a single teardrop dripping down Connor’s face and reaches to put his hand on top of Connor’s. Connor grabs his hand in return and looks over at Will, smiling. He squeezes Will’s hand tightly, trying to not let his emotion overcome him.

Claire looks over and sees this exchange. She reaches out to grab Connor’s other hand and upon grabbing it, he squeezes his sister’s hand tightly. He’s trying not to completely lose it as he thinks about Dr. Grant, but in that moment, he knows he’s so lucky to have the support of the two most important people in the world to him.

A half half hour later, the service is over and mostly everyone has left for the cemetery. Dr. Grant’s family is speaking with the priest and Jay and Connor are standing by their pew waiting for the others to return.

“Hey, Connor.” says Jay, turning to him. “I want to apologize about last week when I threw you against that wall and punched you and kicked you in the nuts. I was just angry that you hurt my brother, but it was wrong of me and I should’ve have done that. No matter what I was feeling, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Connor puts his hands in his pockets. “You were just looking out for Will and protecting him, I respect that. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it. Plus, you did warn me.”

Jay laughs. “So you forgive me?”

“Definitely.” Connor smiles. “Let’s just forget it happened.”

“Sounds good,” says Jay, smiling as they shake hands.

Natalie and Claire walk over and the first thing Will notices is Connor’s absence. “Where's Connor?”

“He’s up front by the casket,” says Claire, sadly turning around and motioning with her hand. “He’s been there for a few minutes. I tried to talk to him. Natalie did, too, but…I think he just needs time.”

Will looks towards the front and sees Connor kneeling on one of the steps in front of Dr. Grant’s casket. His hands are in a praying position and even though he can’t see his face, Will knows Connor’s crying.

“I’ll be right back,” Will addresses everyone before walking towards Connor.

“They have something very special,” Claire turns to Jay. “I’ve never seen anyone care about my brother the way Will does. I know it’s been hard for them, but I think they’re gonna make it.”

Jay turns to smile at her as he puts his arm around Natalie. “I think you’re right, Claire.”

At the front of the church, Will approaches Connor and kneels down next to him. He was right, Connor is crying.

“Hey.” Will puts his hand on Connor’s back. “It's ok.”

Connor turns to him with tear stained eyes. “I tried not to cry, but I wish I could've saved her, Will. This isn't fair, she has a family that needs her. Dr. Grant didn’t deserve this.”

“Death is never fair,” says Will gently as he rubs Connor's back. “I know this is so hard, but some things are just beyond our control.”

“Excuse me.” says one of the church staff walking over to them. “But we need to prepare for the body for transport.”

Will nods and helps Connor stand up. They stand over to the side and watch as Dr. Grant’s casket is taken away.

“Are you ok?” asks a concerned Will, turning to Connor.

“Yeah,” Connor solemnly nods. “I’m ok, I think I just wanna go.”

Will puts his arm around Connor’s neck and they walk back towards the others.

“You good?” asks Natalie.

“I’m good.” Connor addresses the four of them. “Let’s get out of here so we don’t miss the burial.”

The five of them leave the church with Claire and Will’s hands on Connor’s back.

Scene: Connor’s Apartment, 6 P.M.

Will and Connor walk in and Connor throws his keys on the counter. After the burial, they all went out to eat with Dr. Grant’s family and the other mourners. Once they were done eating, Connor just wanted to be alone with Will.

“How are you doing, babe?” Will turns to Connor, who is taking off his tie and unbuttoning the buttons on his sleeves.

“I’m alright,” Connor undoes the top button on his shirt. “I’m glad you’re here though.”

“So can you undress for me?” Will laughingly asks. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“No, silly.” Connor swats him lightly. “Just after today, facing Dr. Grant’s death like that, being with you reminds me of how much there is to live for.”

Will pulls Connor close to him so his body is flush against his and leans in for a deep kiss.

They break the kiss and press their foreheads together, both panting from the intensity of the kiss. “Stay with me tonight, Will. I want to go to sleep and wake up with you next to me.”

“I’d like that, babe.” Will brushes his hand against Connor’s cheek. “Is it ok if I call you babe, by the way?”

“You can call me whatever you want,” Connor puts his arms around Will’s neck. “As long as you’re mine.”

“There’s no one else I’d rather be with.” Will runs his hand through Connor’s hair. “It’s you and me, Connor, and nothing will come between us again. You won’t be able to get rid of me even if you tried.”

“Good thing I don't want to, _babe_.” Connor smiles at how that word sounds coming out of his mouth. He hasn't called anyone babe since he dated Jesse.

“You’re such a copy cat.” says Will, playfully hitting Connor. “Can’t even come up with your own.”

“I can’t help it.” Connor looks into Will’s eyes. “You’re a total babe, _my_ babe.”

“Like it or not.” Will leans in and kisses Connor.

“Come on,” says Connor, taking Will’s hand. “Let’s find you something a little more comfortable to wear.”

Will smiles as Connor leads him into the bedroom. This is definitely where they’re supposed to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	30. Not Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131. 
> 
> 2.) The story is going to be changing in tone because Will and Connor are back together. There's no longer going to be this massive drama between the two of them driving the story forward. Instead, the story from here on out will be more mature and will examine what it means for them to be in a relationship as well as the different directions their relationship will be going. I have lots of ideas and am still going full steam ahead. This has always been a Rhodestead story, but we're now going to see them together in a solid place. I hope you guys will like what's to come and please leave me reviews with your thoughts.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Chicago Med, four days later (Monday), 8 A.M.**

The hospital has been closed for the last week since the shooting. The investigation into the shooting took a while with the hospital remaining a crime scene until Thursday. The hospital board hired new security and it took a few days for them to be interviewed and hired. Patients started coming back to the hospital yesterday with a limited staff to help out and get things back in order for the official reopening today. Cornelius was pressuring the Board to beef up security beyond what they intended, but he did not get his wish since he was not the chairman yet. He was hoping to change that any day day now.

Connor walks through the entrance doors and approaches the front desk.

“Good morning, Maggie.” Connor rests his arms on the desk. The two of them had had a long talk about everything recently, the shooting was a traumatic experience for both of them.

“Good morning.” says a smiling Maggie, turning to face him. “How are you feeling?”

“It’s good to be back.” Connor looks around. “How about you?”

“Feels like I never left.” says Maggie as her phone beeps. “Although, I still have flashes of Dr. Grant.”

“Me too.” Connor looks down and starts tapping his fingers. The flashes have gotten less, which is good. Hopefully, they’ll go away soon.

“We started a campaign to raise money for Dr. Grant’s family.” Maggie points to a giant collection jar with a picture of Dr. Grant next to it. “For her kid’s college or bills, whatever they can use it for.”

Connor looks at the jar and pulls out his wallet. “I’ll make the first donation.” He drops money into the jar and looks at Maggie. “For Dr. Grant.”

She smiles at him as her phone beeps again. “I'd get your stuff together, it’s gonna be a busy first day back.”

Connor nods affirmatively and walks into the break room.

Will comes walking through the entrance doors and stands still for a minute. Looking around, he realizes that this is where the shooting happened. In one of these treatment rooms, Dr. Grant lost her life and Connor almost lost his.

“Good morning, Dr. Halstead.” Maggie says to Will, who’s lost in his thoughts.

“Hm." Will shakes his head, snapping out of it and approaches the front desk. “Good morning, Maggie.”

“Welcome back.” says Maggie, pulling out some papers and handing them to him. “I have some paperwork from when you were off that I need you to fill out. No rush, I know this is your first day back. Get them to Goodwin by midweek.”

“Got it.” Will walks away and into the break room, where he finds Connor sitting at the table drinking coffee.

“Well, good morning, babe.” Will says to Connor as he puts the papers down.

“Good morning.” says a smiling Connor, who sees the stack of papers. “Um, did you bring me paperwork, babe?”

“No." Will laughs as he takes a seat next to Connor. “This is my paperwork from while I was on vacation.”

Connor pats Will’s knee. “Have fun with that, paperwork is my least favorite part of this job.”

Will makes a pouty face. “So does that mean my boyfriend won’t help me?”

“You’re adorable when you make that face, you know." Connor can't help but laugh as Will leans in closer to him, still pouting. “Ugh, fine, I’ll help you. You’re lucky I like you.”

“Don’t I know it.” Will leans in the rest of the way and kissing Connor.

They break their kiss and Connor smiles. “Did you get to talk to Goodwin about your transfer?”

“Yeah, I came by yesterday to talk to her.” says Will, leaning back. “She never had a chance to interview new residents or officially start on the paperwork so it wasn’t such a big deal to cancel my transfer. She just called the head of Rush University and explained to them that I no longer want to transfer because of the shooting, so she gave them the name of the residents she was going to interview so they’re not left high and dry.”

“I’m glad it worked out with no problems.” Connor puts his arms behind his head. Will transferring is not a test their re-established relationship is ready for.

Will goes over to his locker and puts his stuff away. “I was talking to my brother and he wants to go on a double date. Me and you, him and Erin.”

Connor looks up at Will as he walks back over to the table. “I've never been on a double date before.”

“Neither have I.” says Will, sitting back down. “It’s just Jay’s way of trying to get to know you better. I think it’s a good idea because I’d like you to get to know him, also.”

“Yeah, that’s good. Claire was actually telling me she wants to spend time getting to know you better, too.”

“Well then it looks like our social calendar is full,” jokes Will. They both laugh. “I’ll talk to Jay and set it up.”

All of a sudden they hear sirens and Maggie yells “Incoming!”

“Time to go.” says Will as they both stand up.

**Scene : Chicago Med Rooftop, 2 P.M.**

Will and Natalie are sitting on the roof having lunch from the burger joint a few blocks away. It’s been a busy first day back and they’re glad to have some down time.

“It’s nice to get you all to myself for lunch.” says Natalie jokingly. “You and Connor have practically been attached at the hip since you got back together.”

“Very funny” Will mocks as he eats a French fry.

“How is everything going?” Natalie asks, taking a bite of her burger.

“Things are going well. We’ve just been enjoying each other’s company. Our time apart made us both realize that we need to be better at understanding and listening to each other.”

“Neither of which are your strong suit.” Natalie retorts playfully.

“Hey.” says Will, feigning offense. “If you weren’t right, I’d be more offended.”

They both laugh.

“Relationships take a lot of work.” says Natalie, sipping her soda. “When I was younger, I always thought a relationship was just love, marriage, and kids. No one ever told me that a real relationship meant dealing with the day-to-day stuff and working through all sorts of unforeseen issues.”

She puts her hand on Will’s knee. “If you and Connor can get better at handling the unforeseen and dealing with the day-to-day, then you’re as good as gold.”

“That’s what this new beginning is all about.” explains Will, taking a bite of his burger. “Before we were just sorta making it up as we were going along. Now that we’re officially a couple, it’s like everything’s clearly defined and we can spend our time learning how to really be there for each other and be a supportive partner who puts the other ahead of ourselves.”

“If the way he looks at you is any indication,” Natalie beams. “then I think you guys will figure it out.”

Will blushes a little and Natalie laughs.

“I’m serious, Will. If only you could see the way Connor looks at you…he’s definitely falling in love with you.”

Will’s palms start to sweat upon hearing that. “I never thought someone would love me again after James. Or that I would want to love again after James, but I think I’m falling in love with him, too.”

“What happened with James?” asks Natalie curiously. She’s never heard Will discuss his past relationships. “Wait, before you continue, does Connor know? I don’t wanna be the one who knows secrets you have from each other again.”

Will laughs. “Yes, he knows. So don’t worry, Ms. Switzerland.”

Natalie rolls her eyes with a laughing smile as Will responds to her question. “James was the first and only guy I ever loved. We met in college and I thought he was straight at first. But after months of hanging out, he kissed me at a party and told me that he liked me; he was closeted like me. So we started dating and then began a relationship and fell in love. James wanted to be a lawyer and applied to law schools in New York City. On graduation day, he found out he got into NYU Law after having been on the waiting list. James asked me to come with him, but I had already gotten into med school here in Chicago and my mom was sick so there was no way I was leaving.”

Will pauses for a second to swallow hard. “I loved James and I was devastated when I found out that he was leaving. We tried to keep dating that summer, but I resented him for leaving and he resented me for not coming with him so all we did was fight. It got so bad that we were broken up by the end of July. I did go to the airport to say goodbye to him before he left for New York though. James leaving was really tough for me to deal with, but I now know that it was for the best. I had a life, a future, and my family here in Chicago and I couldn’t just leave it all behind for him. I guess our love wasn’t strong enough in the end.”

“Will, look at me.” says Natalie as Will looks up at her with sad eyes. “You were young. Fresh out of college, headed to an intense four years of med school, and he was your first love. Sometimes our first loves are just that; first loves. Except you can’t let what happened with James make you scared of falling in love with Connor.”

“How did you know?” asks Will, shaking his head.

“Because I know you.” Natalie smiles sweetly. “You’re older and wiser now, you’re not the same person you were when you dated James. And Connor is not James, Connor is a great guy and you two are on the same page & in the same place. He’s not going to move out of state for a job, he’s here at Chicago Med with you. The guy is head over heels for you, Will, and something like that doesn’t come around often. Don’t be scared to feel however you feel for Connor because I think you know that he’s not going anywhere. Not without you.”

“Thanks, Natalie.” says Will as she grabs his hand. He knows Natalie’s right, but loving someone after James is scary.

**Scene: Chicago Med, 6 P.M.**

Connor is standing off to the side of the hospital waiting for Will to come out. They didn’t really have much of a chance to see each other today because it was so busy.

“I was wondering where you went.”

“Sorry, my sister called.” Connor's heart skips a beat at the sound of his voice, turning around to face Will who is walking towards him. “You were finishing up with that patient and I didn't wanna bother you.”

“You’re never a bother, babe.” says a smiling Will, pulling Connor into a hug. “I was so busy today that I didn’t really get to see you, but I was thinking about you and hoping you were doing alright since it was your first day back since everything happened.”

“I was good,” says Connor as they break apart. “I did treat a patient in the room where Dr. Grant was shot, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. Especially with you by my side.”

Will brushes his hand against Connor’s cheek. “There's nowhere else I’d rather be. Don’t forget that you’re coming over tomorrow after work for our date.”

“I haven’t forgotten.” Connor grins, looking into Will’s eyes. Man, he never knew falling in love could be so easy.

Suddenly, there is a voice behind them calling. “Connor.” They turn around and see Jesse, wearing a dark blue suit, walking over to them.

Connor freezes in place as his heart starts to race. Things are finally back on track with Will, Jesse’s presence is not what they need right now.

Will can sense Connor’s nervous energy and reassuringly grabs his hand, interlocking their fingers as Jesse walks up to them.

“Connor, hey.” Jesse adjusts his work bag on his shoulder. “I was away for work and I just got back and I heard about the shooting. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” says Connor, unable to make eye contact. “I was lucky enough to make it out. One of the doctors here wasn't as lucky unfortunately.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” says Jesse noticing that Connor and Will are holding hands. He looks at Will, recognizing him. “I don’t think we were properly introduced last time. I’m Jesse Fields.”

“Will Halstead.” Will extends his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too.” They shake hands as Jesse looks between the two of them. “I don’t mean to pry, but are you two dating?”

“We are.” Connor proudly confirms, having found his nerve. “Will’s my boyfriend.”

Will grin upon hearing this. How could he not fall in love with Connor?

“That’s great, Connor.” Jesse smiles. “I’m really proud of you for owning who you are, I know it's been a struggle. Plus, he’s really cute.”

Connor and Will laugh.

“Thanks, Jesse.” Connor glances at Will. “It hasn’t been easy, but I learned from the mistakes I made with you. One step at a time.”

“You’ve come a long way since we dated.” Jesse points his finger at Will. “Make sure he doesn't go back into hiding.”

Will smiles and nods as Connor notices the ring on Jesse’s finger. “Jesse, are you engaged?”

“I am,” says Jesse, looking at the ring. It’s a simple ¼ carat black band with gold trimming. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, but I got engaged a few weeks ago. I’ve been with Dan for over a year, but it always felt like you and I had so much unfinished business that kept me from committing to him. I had all these questions and all this anger that just kept me from letting go of the past. After I saw you and we cleared the air once and for all, it finally felt like I got closure so I could move on and commit to him. Luckily, Dan hadn’t given up on me because I really love him.”

Connor is taken aback by Jesse’s response. What he did to Jesse almost cost him another relationship, who knew one selfish decision could have such far reaching ramifications?

Will just stands there unsure of what to say and feeling a little awkward. Jesse is a nice guy and he can sense how much pain Connor caused him, now he understands a little better why Connor lied.

“I’m glad I helped you get the closure you needed to move on.” says Connor who looks at a silent Will. This must be awkward for him. “Good thing Dan hadn’t given up on you.”

“Lucky for me, he’s a great guy.” Jesse checks his watch. “We’re actually moving to California in a few weeks. He’s originally from there so we’re moving to offices over there in order to be closer to his family and put down roots.”

Jesse’s words make Will think. Putting down roots, is that something he would want to do with Connor?

“Congratulations.” says Connor, who turns his head when he feels Will squeeze his hand. “I’m glad everything’s worked out for you.”

“Thanks.” Jesse looks between the two of them once more. “I probably won't see you again before I move, but I want to wish the best for you guys. Make sure you hold onto each other. Would it be too much to ask for a hug goodbye, Connor?”

“Oh, um,” stammers Connor, who is cut off by Will with a nudge.

"Go give him a hug.”

“Are you sure?” asks Connor, startled by Will’s response.

“I’m sure." Will nods affirmatively with an encouraging smile

Connor walks over and hugs Jesse. Will never thought he’d want to see Connor hugging his ex-boyfriend, but Jesse is not here to break them up and he has a past with Connor that Will won't ever fully understand and that he has to be respectful of.

“Dan’s a lucky guy.” says Connor as he hugs Jesse. “I’m glad you found love again because you certainly deserve it after the way I treated you.”

“Thanks, Connor.” says Jesse closing his eyes and thinking back to when he and Connor dated. It was a time in his life that had a purpose, to bring him closer to meeting Dan. “I’ll never forget you.”

Connor smiles and they break their hug. Jesse walks over to Will and extends his hand. “I know Connor can be a handful sometimes, he’s a lucky guy to have you.”

“Thanks.” Will shakes his hand. “But I’m the lucky one.”

Connor walks back over to Will and puts his arm around him.

“Take care, you guys.” Jesse says with a wave, adjusting his work bag on his shoulder before walking off.

Connor turns around to face Will. “I know that wasn’t easy for you, but thank you for being so kind to him.”

“He’s a nice guy.” Will pulls Connor close to him. “You and Jesse have a past and I have to respect that.”

Connor puts his hands on Will’s hips. “All that matters is that you’re my future, Will. My present _and_ my future.”

Will kisses Connor and then they hug.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” says Will, grabbing Connor’s hand. “I’m starving.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	31. No More Hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) This chapter continues with the story's changing tone, where it will be more mature and examine what it means for Connor and Will to be in a relationship as well as the different directions their relationship will be going. I hope you guys will like what's to come and please leave me reviews with your thoughts.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Chicago Med Conference Room, the next morning (Tuesday), 9 A.M.**

Will and Connor are sitting at the large conference table with Sharon Goodwin and Diane Winters from human resources. She is an average height black woman in her late 50's with dark hair. Will and Connor are sitting on one side of the conference table and Goodwin and Diane are sitting on the other side.

“Thanks for coming, Dr. Halstead, Dr. Rhodes,” Goodwin addresses the handsome couple. “This is Diane Winters, the head of human resources, and she’s here to take care of your signing the hospital fraternization policy.” She looks at her. “Diane.”

“Hi, guys.” says Diane with a small wave, looking at the papers in front of her. “Do you mind if I call you Connor and Will?”

“Not at all.” Connor says as Will nods in agreement.

“Before we get started,” Diane puts her hands on the table. “I understand that both of you spoke with the hospital lawyer and he looked over this contract and discussed it with you, correct?”

“Correct.” says Will.

“So let me to reiterate what Ms. Goodwin has probably already told you.” Diane clears her throat. “As a hospital, we are completely accepting of everyone regardless of sexual orientation and we support all relationships among hospital staff members. We take your privacy very seriously and everything you disclose to me today will be completely confidential and no one but myself will see it without your permission. Not even Ms. Goodwin. Any questions?”

“No.” Will looks at Connor for consensus. “No questions.”

“Then we can get started,” Diane turns to Sharon. “Ms. Goodwin, I have to ask you to please step out. No hospital administrators or other staff members are allowed to be here for this, this is just between me and the two of them.”

“I understand. Thank you, Diane.”

Goodwin smiles at Connor and Will as she stands up and leaves.

“Ok,” says Diane, pulling out some papers. “so all of this is going to be fairly straight forward. I want you both to know that because the hospital has a policy of acceptance and tolerance, you’re receiving the same paperwork that all couples who disclose their relationships receive. There is no special paperwork for same sex couples and in that regard, you’re going to be treated the same way.”

“Understood.” says Connor as he and Will nod.

“Please state your names for the record,” Diane looks up at them.

“Connor Rhodes.”

“Will Halstead.”

She writes their names down and hands them the paperwork. “This is the hospital fraternization’s policy, the contract is pretty standard. The first part is the sexual harassment policy, which you will read and sign at the bottom to acknowledge that you are familiar with it. The second part is an acknowledgment that this relationship is consensual and is being freely entered into by both of you. By acknowledging this, you agree to waive your right to file a sexual harassment claim against the other for any conduct prior to signing this. Any questions so far?”

“No,” says Connor, looking down and following along.

“Moving on.” Diane reads from her copy. “The third part is an agreement that neither of you will seek or accept a position where one will report to the other. The fourth part you can disregard because neither of you is the other’s superior. The fifth part is an agreement that any issues related to this contract will be handled through mediation or arbitration. The sixth part is an agreement about professional behavior which details under what circumstances PDA is acceptable and not acceptable. The seventh part is an agreement to inform HR if your relationship comes to an end. And finally, the last part is an agreement that you respect the other’s right to end the relationship at any point and a reassurance from the hospital that either of you have the freedom to do so without any fear of work related retaliation. Any questions?”

“This is me being impatient because I know I have to read it,” Will looks at Diane. “but under what circumstances exactly is PDA acceptable and unacceptable?”

“Basically, if you look at your copy, in section six, it says that PDA is not allowed when actively engaged in work. So if you’re treating a patient, talking to a colleague in the hallway, waiting on test results, anything on hospital time, that’s when it’s not acceptable. But, for example, if you’re on break having lunch, wherever you are, as long as it’s not in the vicinity of patients, PDA is acceptable. Same applies when you guys are in the break room not actively with a patient, that is a space for employees only so it’s acceptable there as well.”

“I guess we’ll be spending a lot of time in the break room." Connor grins at Will who smiles before glancing at Diane.

“I’m sorry.” Connor sheepishly looks at Diane. “That wasn't appropriate.”

“It’s alright.” Diane clicks her pen closed. “I actually think you guys make an adorable couple, you’re both so handsome. It’s very refreshing to see same sex couples that are able to be open with their feelings. I met my partner Susan at work as well, but twenty-five years ago, we basically had to pretend that we didn’t even know each other. The AIDS epidemic was still fresh in everyone’s mind and being gay, even as a woman, still had such a stigma to it. I know there is still stigma today, but there’s been so much progress, especially with the legalization of same sex marriage here in Illinois in 2014 and then the Supreme Court decision in 2015.”

“Are you still with Susan?” asks Will, leaning forward.

“I am.” Diane smiles. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I could never imagine my life without her. We’ve lived together for over twenty years and always hoped for the opportunity to get married. When Illinois legalized same sex marriage, we knew so many couples in other states still didn’t have the right to get married, so we agreed to wait for the day when everyone had the freedom to marry who they loved. When it finally happened last year, we were one of the first couples that went to city hall.”

She pauses to choke back the emotion and continues. “I was fifty-five when I got to marry the love of my life, but I felt like I was thirty again because of all the excitement. It was so special to be a part of such a momentous moment in history, not just for our community, but for humanity. I never thought I’d be able to exchange vows with Susan or call her my wife, but the day we got married was the happiest of my life. To finally be able to declare my love for her, to finally be able to marry her and have it recognized, was just the most amazing thing ever. It was worth waiting twenty-five years for.”

Will and Connor are holding hands, truly touched by Diane's story. They really are lucky to live in a time where being gay isn’t stigmatized like back in the day and couples aren’t forced to hide their love like Diane and Susan.

“I’m sorry,” Diane wipes away a single tear. “I don’t know how this became about me, this is about you guys.”

“Thank you for sharing your story with us.” Connor looks at Will. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad that you and Susan were finally able to stop hiding and get married.” Will squeezes Connor’s hand.

“Thank you.” Diane smiles warmly. “Anyway, you guys should read over the contract and sign in all the appropriate places. That way you both can get out of here and be with each other.”

Connor and Will smile at each other and pull their hands back so they can read over and sign the contract. It is pretty detailed so it takes them about fifteen minutes to read the whole thing over and sign it.

Finally done, they hand it back to Diane. Connor and Will sit quietly thinking about her story as she looks over their paperwork.

“Everything appears to be in order.” Diane puts a paper clip on the contracts. “You guys are good to go. Any final questions?”

Will looks at Connor. “Do you have any pearls of wisdom for how to make a relationship last twenty-five years like yours has with Susan?”

Diane laughs. “Oh my dear, I never thought someone would ask me for pearls of wisdom. Susan and I made so many mistakes along the way and there’s honestly so much I would go back and change if I could.” She smiles. “But through all our challenges, Susan and I always put each other first. Our relationship and our feelings and their importance always trumped everything else. We knew from the beginning that we could never live without each other and knowing that helped us sort through all the issues that came about. I guess that’s my pearl of wisdom, to always remember why you are together and the feelings you have for each other. Make sure that’s always the trump card, that it comes before all else, and you’ll be fine.”

She pauses and notices that Will and Connor are looking at her intently. “You guys are going to make so many mistakes along the way like Susan and I did because as the saying goes, we hurt those we love the most. But I can promise you that there is no better feeling than being in love with someone who knows and accepts you for exactly who you are, flaws and all, and to have them be in love with you back. Oh, and open communication, understanding, compromise, and honesty. Yikes, I’m really not good at this.”

They all laugh.

“Thank you, Diane.” says Connor as he stands up. “For everything.”

“Your story is inspiring.” Will also stands. “You really helped put things into perspective for us.”

She smiles as they extend their hands and she shakes them. “My pleasure, guys. I have high hopes that a handsome and sweet couple like you will make it all the way.”

Will and Connor smile as they all walk out of the conference room.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 7 P.M.**

Will is scrambling around trying to get ready for his date with Connor. He got stuck in traffic on the way home and only got in a half hour ago, where he immediately hopped in for a quick shower, throwing some fresh clothes on afterwards. A gray button down shirt from Express with light blue Levi jeans and a dark blue Armani Exchange hoodie, stylishly casual.

Will walks into the kitchen to check on the food and sets the table. He feels nervous about this date, it’s their first “official” date since getting back together and if it doesn’t go well, that’s on him. Connor set the bar high with their first date because of all the thought and time he spent planning and even though Will asked to plan this date, he just knows that it is going to fall short.

As he finishes setting the table, he hears a knock on the door. Taking a deep breath, he walks over and opens the door to see Connor. He is wearing a red polo from Hollister with black Express jeans and a dark gray Ralph Lauren hoodie.

“Hey.” Will smiles at how handsome Connor looks.

“Hey, babe.” says Connor, taking a moment to admire Will. Damn, his boyfriend is beautiful.

“Come in.” Will ushers him inside.

“Mmm, that smells good. What did you make?”

“It’s a surprise.” Will closes the door, turning around to face Connor.

“I like surprises," Connor puts his hand on Will’s chest. “I also really like how this shirt looks on you. It hugs your body in all the right places.”

“Thanks, babe.” says Will blushing a little bit. “It looks like our hoodies are the same color.”

“What do you know?” asks Connor rhetorically, finally taking notice. “I guess great minds think alike.”

“Seems like.” says a smiling Will as they kiss, both of them letting it linger.

“So when do I get to know what you made?” Connor follows Will into the kitchen.

“In a few minutes,” says Will, stirring the contents of the pot. “I actually had an idea I wanted to run by you.”

“What is it?” Connor takes a seat at the counter.

“Well,” starts Will, leaning on the counter and nervously tapping his fingers. “you know, we took a big step today revealing our relationship to HR and signing the fraternization policy. I was thinking that we continue with that momentum and come out as a couple publicly by posting pictures of our date tonight on social media.”

Before Connor even has a chance to react, Will starts speaking quickly in an attempt to backtrack. “Wait, no. Maybe that’s a bad idea. Maybe it’s too fast. It’s presumptuous of me to think you’d want to do that, what a stupid idea for our date.”

“Babe,” Connor grabs Will’s hands. “calm down, it’s ok.”

Will takes a deep breath and Connor continues. “I think that’s a great idea. I like that you’re thinking about us coming out as a couple. I’m totally on board and ready for the world to know that I’m crazy about you, no more hiding.”

Will smiles. “Me, too. So the first thing I think we should do is change our Facebook status to reflect that we’re in a relationship and then we can post some pics.”

“I like it.” says Connor as he and Will pull out of their phones. “Let’s do it.”

They each take a minute to go on their Facebook accounts and update their relationship status: Connor Rhodes and Will Halstead are officially in a relationship.

“What do you think our first picture should be?” asks Will, looking up from his phone.

“How about right here?” suggests Connor, motioning to how they’re situated. “Put our arms around each other and take a selfie.”

“That sounds good.” Will nods. “Then we'll post it on Facebook and Instagram?”

“Hell yeah.” Connor pulls Will closer, putting his hand on his back. In return, Will puts his arm around Connor’s neck. “Smile.”

They both smile, each taking a selfie with their phone.

“What should we hashtag it?” Will asks. “#dinner, #datenight?”

“Let’s also add #boyfriends,” Connor looks up from his phone. “just so there’s no confusion.”

“I like that.” says Will as they simultaneously post the picture on Facebook and Instagram.

“My dad is gonna freak when he sees these." Connor laughs. “When my family sees this, he’s gonna have to explain why he disowned me when I’m happy and with an amazing guy."

“Serves him right.” Will gives Connor a small kiss before walking into the kitchen and turning off the gas. “It’s time to eat.” He motions to the kitchen table and Connor walks over and takes a seat.

"I can’t wait to see what you made, I’m starving.”

Will walks over to the table with two big dishes: one with spaghetti and one with meatballs.

“It’s nothing fancy, but I hope you like spaghetti and meatballs.” He sets the dishes on the table.

“I do.” Connor looks at the food. “It looks delicious.”

Will snaps his fingers. “Wait, I have sauce too.”

He turns around and grabs a saucer. After filling it with sauce, he puts it on the table and takes a seat.

“Please, help yourself.” Will gestures towards two serving spoons.

“Where did you learn to make all this?” asks Connor, putting some spaghetti and two meatballs on his plate.

“It was the only meal my mom ever taught me and Jay how to make,” says Will putting a meatball and some spaghetti in his dish and then turning to Connor. “My mom was always so proud of her spaghetti and meatballs, the secret ingredients she used, and she wanted us to know how to make it. In her last few weeks, when the chemo and radiation stopped working, Jay and I came home one day and found her in the kitchen waiting for us so she could teach us to make this meal.”

Will pauses for a second to swallow the lump in his throat. “It was the last thing she did with us before she went to the hospital for the final time. Even though she was sick, my mom was laughing and smiling so that you never would’ve known how weak her body was. We did this for two hours and it’s one of the best memories I have of my mom. She made Jay and I promise that we would carry on her spaghetti and meatballs so they wouldn’t die with her.”

“Aw, babe.” Connor reaches out to grab Will’s hand. “Your mom sounds very sweet and I’m glad you have this memory. Thank you for sharing with me.”

“My mom would’ve loved you.” says Will, sniffling. “Even though she didn’t know about me being gay, she would’ve loved to see me happy with a sweet guy like you.”

“My mom too, babe,” says Connor. “Let’s honor your mom and eat this meal before it gets cold. I’d also like to take pictures of it to post too if that’s ok with you.”

“I’d like that,” says Will as they take out their phones. “My mom would, too.”

They take pictures of the food and post it on their social media accounts with the hashtags #dinner, #spaghettiandmeatballs, #thankstowillsmom/#thanksmom, and #boyfriends.

They then eat and after about ten minutes, both of their plates are empty, all of the meatballs are gone, and there is only a little bit of spaghetti left.

“That was amazing.” Connor wipes some sauce off his chin. “Your mom taught you very well.”

“Thanks,” Will sips his soda. “This was actually the first time I’ve made it since she died. I’ve never had anyone to make it for.”

Connor smiles. “I’m honored to be the first person you’ve made it for, thank you.”

_**And I hope to be the only person you make it for.** _

Will leans in and kisses Connor.

“You know...”

"Yeah?”

Connor looks over at the leftover spaghetti. “There’s only a few pieces of spaghetti left. Maybe we could finish it _Lady and the Tramp_ style.”

Will laughs. “I’m in, but one of us has to take a video to put on our social media accounts.”

“Deal,” says Connor. “I’ll take the video and send it to you.”

Will nods as he puts the rest of the spaghetti in the disk. Only 4 pieces, hopefully they get it right.

Recording it on Connor’s phone, they eat opposite ends of one of the single strands of spaghetti and meet in the middle resulting in a kiss, surprisingly being able to keep a straight face the whole time.

“Let’s see how it looks.” Will leans over, watching the video on Connor’s phone.

“Aw, it’s cute." Connor smiles. “My dad’s gonna love this one. I’m gonna text it to you.”

Connor texts the video to Will and they both post it on their accounts with the hashtags #spaghetti, #ladyandthetramp, and #boyfriends.

After they finish posting the video, they finish the last 3 pieces of spaghetti, once again _Lady and the Tramp_ style.

“This has been a great date so far.” Connor leans back into Will's embrace, reclining on the couch after cleaning up the kitchen. “I think the best part has been posting the pictures online. I love that you thought of the idea, I gotta step up my game and think of an idea like that for our next date.”

“I’m glad you’ve been enjoying it so far, it’s not over yet.” says a smiling Will as his phone beeps. “My phone is blowing up with notifications of comments on our pictures.”

“Mine, too.” says Connor, picking up his phone off of the coffee table. “I had to put it on silent. I quickly looked at some of the comments, all my friends and family are being really accepting and encouraging.”

“Mine, too.” says Will, scrolling through his phone. “It’s nice to see how much support there is out there for me and for us.”

Connor looks up smiling and sees Will’s eyes widen as he sits up. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“I have a Facebook message..,” Will glances up from his phone. “...from Brian.”

_**…To Be Continued** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	32. Why We Found Each Other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) This chapter continues with the story's changing tone, where it will be more mature and examine what it means for Connor and Will to be in a relationship as well as the different directions their relationship will be going. I hope you guys will like what's to come and please leave me reviews with your thoughts.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment (con’t)**

“Brian?” asks Connor sitting up and turning around to face Will. “As in the guy you dated before me?"

“Yeah,” Will looks up from his phone. “He blocked me on Facebook after we broke up, but I guess he unblocked me and I didn’t realize since I’m not on a lot.”

“What does the message say?” asks Connor curiously.

“Nothing good,” says Will handing his phone to Connor.

Connor takes his phone and reads Brian’s message: “Congratulations, asshole. We broke up two and a half months and you’re already posting pictures and videos with your new boyfriend. Apparently, he’s worth coming out for and I wasn’t. I know you work with him and it all makes sense now; you used me as a placeholder when he’s who you wanted to be with all along. I really thought I knew you, Will. I hope Connor knows what he’s getting himself into with a selfish son of a bitch like you.”

Connor looks up and sees Will has his head in his hands. “Hey, it’s ok.”

“No, it’s not ok,” says a frustrated Will, shaking his head. “Brian was never supposed to find out about any of this and not like this. The fact that I used him to hide from my feelings from you, I can’t even imagine how hurt he is. The saddest part is that I really did care for him, but he was never you. I never meant to hurt him.” He bangs his hand on the coffee table. “Damn it, this was not supposed to happen. What do I do? How do I even respond to what he wrote? Do I tell him that’s he right and that I am a selfish asshole?”

“I don’t know, babe.” says Connor gently. He knows better than anyone what it’s like to hurt someone by being selfish. “Brian is clearly very mad right now and no good will come out of responding while he feels like that. He needs time to cool off and process what he feels.”

“I wonder sometimes what I did to deserve you,” says Will, playing with his fingers. “Of all the things I’ve done in the past, hurting Brian because of my selfishness is by far the worst. I don’t know how I’d be so lucky to get to be with the guy of my dreams after that.”

Connor smiles upon hearing that. “I know how you feel, believe me. What you’re feeling right now is what I felt for four years about what I did to Jesse. That's why I lied to you about our relationship because selfish is a really ugly shade. But I think that’s why we found each other. We’ve both made similar mistakes and by being together, we make each other better and can check each other so neither of us go down that path again.”

“I was so wrong to make such a big deal out of your lie,” Will says dejectedly. “I know we’ve gone through all this already, but after what I’ve done, I really should’ve understood instead of pushing you away. I almost cost us everything.”

“Hey,” Connor leans forward and grabbing Will’s hand. “it really is ok, Will. You were hurt and all that matters is that we got through it. It didn’t cost us everything and nothing that happens ever will. I was really touched by Diane's story about her and Susan and I’m grateful to live in a time where you and I don’t have to keep our relationship a secret. Like she said, we have to always put each other first and make sure our feelings trump anything that could come between us. I know we’ve only been together for about two months and we have those two weeks when we were broken up, but I really see a future with you, Will.”

“I feel the same way.” Will smiles weakly. “You’re everything I’ve ever looked for, and more, Connor. But as happy as you make me, it doesn’t just make what I did to Brian all better.”

“I know,” says Connor leaning in to hug Will. “but I’ve got you, Will.”

“I really know how to ruin a date,” says Will as they break their hug. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” says Connor smiling sweetly. “This is the kind of stuff that a real relationship is made of and I’m here to be a supportive boyfriend as you figure this out. How about we continue on with what you had planned for the rest of our date? What is the next part, anyway?" Connor teases. “Or is washing dishes as fun as it gets?”

“Very funny.” Will mocks walking over to the television. “I hope you’re a fan of Will Smith movies.”

“Are we watching _Men in Black_?” Connor laughs.

“No silly,” says Will picking up the DVD. “The movie’s called _Seven Pounds_. Have you seen it?”

Connor shakes his head no and Will continues. “Good because it’s one of my favorite movies ever. It’s very touching and I want to share it with you.”

“Sounds good to me,” says Connor as Will pops the DVD in and grabs the remote.

Taking a seat next to Connor on the couch, Will lays against Connor’s shoulder and Connor grabs Will’s hand interlocking their fingers. That’s how they sit and watch the movie with Connor occasionally running his free hand through Will’s hair.

Two hours later, the movie is over and they both have tears in their eyes.

“Damn,” Connor looks at Will, who sits up. “you said the movie was touching, you never said it was this sad. The way Ben donated his corneas and heart to Ezra and Emily and then Emily found out she got the heart of the man she loved, that really broke my heart.”

“You’re a big softie underneath that tough exterior." Will pats Connor’s knee. “No matter how many times I watch this movie, the ending always gets me.”

“I feel like I got _Notebook’ed_ ,” says Connor playfully as Will gives him a confused look. “Even though this isn’t _The Notebook_.” 

“I’m sorry...” Will tilts his head. “ _Notebook’ed_?”

“Yeah. It’s when a girl watches _The Notebook_ with her boyfriend in order to make him emotional.”

Will laughs. “And how do you know that, babe?”

“Oh, um, it was something my sister used to do.” explains a slightly embarrassed Connor. “I mean, it’s not like that I’ve ever watched _The Notebook_ or anything.”

“Of course not." Will teases. “Me neither.”

“I see why you like the movie though.” says Connor, leaning back. “The relationship between Ben and Emily is so real and romantic. I’ve always liked Will Smith as an actor, he brings such humanity to his roles.”

“He does." Will sets the remote on the coffee table, seeing the time on the television. “Wow, it's almost 10 o’clock. The night went by so quick.”

“Time always flies when we’re together,” says Connor sweetly. “but I should probably get going. It was a long day and we’re both working late tomorrow.”

Will looks down sadly. “I wish you didn’t have to go, I hate that you don’t live nearby.”

“I’d spend the night,” says Connor, looking down to try to meet Will’s eyes. “But I don’t have any clothes and you don’t have any scrubs in my size.”

“I know,” Will looks up. “I’m just grateful to know that when you leave tonight, I’ll be seeing you again in a few short hours.”

“Me too, babe." Connor brushes his hand against Will’s face.

They both stand up and walk towards the door holding hands.

“Text me in the morning?" Will opens the door, still holding Connor’s hands tightly, really wishing he didn’t have to go.

“You got it, babe." Connor leans in and kisses Will. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Will leans on the door and watches Connor until he disappears out of sight.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, the next morning (Wednesday), 8 A.M.**

Connor, wearing just a pair of boxers and spread out with one leg hanging off the bed is awoken by the sound of his phone.

“It is way too early for this." groans Connor, rolling over and grabbing his phone from the nightstand. He squints his eyes as he hits the home button on his iPhone and sees the time. 8:02. Yes, _way_  too early. Why did he take his phone off silent? Unlocking his phone, he sees notifications of comments on the pictures from last night and then a text from his sister comes in.

**_Claire: Wake up Connor. I’m on your stoop._**  

Connor rolls his eyes and after texting Will, he begrudgingly gets up and throws on a pair of sweats. What could his sister want at such an early hour?

Walking out of his bedroom, he crosses through the kitchen and walks into the living room to open the door.

Upon opening the door, he sees his sister wearing a white blouse and blue skirt holding her phone in her hand.

“Good morning,” Claire looks her brother up and down. “I’ve been knocking for five minutes.”

“Good morning to you, too.” Connor groggily replied. “Please come in.”

He turns around to walk into the kitchen. After entering and closing the door, Claire joins him.

“What brings you by so early?” Connor putts on some coffee.

“My phone was going crazy last night with messages and calls." Claire takes a seat at the kitchen counter. “Did you plan on telling me that you and Will were going to come out as a couple on social media last night?”

“I would’ve, but it was a spur of the moment decision,” says Connor sitting across from her. “It was Will’s idea and I thought it was great. Especially since we signed the hospital’s fraternization policy earlier in the day. Will thought it was a natural continuation of that momentum and I agreed so we did it.”

“That’s a big and important step for you guys to take in developing your relationship,” says Claire leaning forward. “And I’m proud of you, both of you, for taking it.”

“Thanks,” says Connor who gets up when he hears the coffee beep. “I should’ve texted you and told you though, I’m sorry. I hope it wasn’t too much of a hassle.”

“Nothing’s a hassle when it comes to you my dear brother,” says Claire sincerely. “I just shut off my phone.”

“Who did you hear from?” asks Connor, turning around and leaning against the counter with his coffee in hand.

“John and his son, Andrew.” says Claire, thinking back to last night. “Aunt Deb and Uncle Rob. Amanda and her husband Steve. Everyone had really supportive things to say and were proud of you for being open and honest. I also heard from a few of our childhood friends, like Sam and Russell, who were happy to see you found someone. None of them reached out to you?”

“I just skimmed through the comments on Facebook and Instagram, so I don’t remember anyone specifically.” Connor sits back across from his sister. “Will and I were on a date so I didn’t really go through them extensively.”

“Oh, a date,” says Claire teasingly. “How did you guys celebrate your big night of coming out?”

“With dinner and a movie,” Connor sips his coffee . “We watched _Seven Pounds_.” 

“Wait.” Claire puts her hand up. “Let me get this straight, you celebrated one of the biggest steps in your relationship by watching a sad Will Smith movie instead of having a passionate night of sex?”

“For your information, Will made me a special spaghetti and meatballs dinner that his mom taught him and his brother how to make before she died so they could carry it on. I’m the first person he’s ever made it for. And Seven Pounds is one of his favorite movies so he wanted me to see it.”

“That’s very sweet.” says Claire with a smile. “But still, no sex?”

Connor laughs. “It’s not all about sex. What Will and I have is very deep.”

“Have I told you how happy I am for you?” asks Claire, reaching for her brother’s hand. “You have this glow about you, this pep in your step, that I’ve never seen from you before. And it’s all because of Will.”

“Thanks, Claire,” Connor squeezes her hand. “Will just makes me feel like no one ever has. I know it’s only been a little over two months, but he knows me better than anyone ever has. Even Jesse.”

Claire smiles as her phone beeps. Pulling her hand back, she checks it before looking back at her brother. “So when are the three of us going to dinner?”

“We’re double dating with Will’s brother and his girlfriend this weekend,” says Connor, finishing his coffee. “So probably next week, I have to check the schedule to see which night he and I both get off early.”

“Sounds good,” Claire stands up, walking over to Connor. “I have to get to work.”

She leans in and hugs him. “I love you and I’m so proud of you for walking in your truth and sharing your relationship with the world.”

“Thanks, Claire.” says Connor as they break the hug. “I love you, too. Having you to share this with means everything.”

“I’ll text you later,” says Claire smiling before walking out.

Connor turns to look at the clock on the microwave. 8:30, he can go back to bed for a while before he has to get ready for work.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 9:30 A.M.**

Rolling over, Will hits the button on his alarm clock and then lies flat on his back letting the sleep wear off and allowing his eyes to adjust to the light.

He then reaches over to the nightstand and grabs his phone. Unlocking it, he sees notifications of comments from last night’s pictures and some text messages. Two from Connor, one from Jay, Erin, and Natalie.

_Text #1 from Connor: Good morning, babe. Wish I didn’t have to leave last night._

_Text #2 from Connor: My sister was just here, she’s proud of us for coming out as a couple. I have an hour and a half until I have to get up for work, I wish you were laying in bed with me._

_Jay: Congratulations! So happy for you and Connor, you’ve made me a really proud brother._

_Erin: Such an exciting night for you and Connor, congratulations! This is the beginning of a long and happy future for you guys, happy for you both._

_Natalie: I can’t believe you guys did that, I’m so proud and happy! Can’t wait to see both halves of the happy couple at work._

Will smiles after reading the text messages, having all this support is so great.

He texts Connor back and then puts his phone on his chest. He really wanted Connor to stay over last night, but he knows that Connor needed to go home to get ready for work. Will really hates when they have to leave each other and he already can’t wait to see him at work.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 11 A.M.**

Connor walks through the entrance doors and over to Maggie at the front desk.

“Good morning, Maggie.” Connor leans on the counter.

Maggie turns around and grins. “Good morning, Connor. Congratulations on last night.”

“Thank you.” says Connor as she walks around and gives him a hug. “It was a big step for us.”

“Everyone’s been talking about you and Will all morning.” Maggie puts her hand on his arm. “You guys are Chicago Med’s hot new couple.”

Connor looks around and sees some of the staff looking at him and smiling before whispering to each other. “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“We don’t have a lot of relationships around here." She laughingly replies. “What better than two great doctors, who are both very handsome, and the hospital’s first openly same sex couple? Everyone on the staff is here to support you guys.”

“Thanks, Maggie.” says Connor with a smile. The hospital’s first openly same sex couple, that sounds pretty good. He looks towards the break room. “Did Will get in yet?”

“Yeah." Maggie walks back behind the desk. “He got in a little while ago. Go see your man before we get swamped.”

Connor laughs and taps his hand on the desk. “Thanks.”

Connor turns around and walks into the break room to see Natalie pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“Connor!” exclaims Natalie, walking over and giving him a big hug. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks, Natalie.” says Connor as they break their hug. “Where’s Will?”

“He went upstairs to drop some paperwork off to Goodwin." Natalie says as Connor walks over to this locker to put his stuff away. “Did your dad see your posts from last night?”

“I don’t know,” Connor walks back over to her. “I mean, he’s not on Facebook or anything, but I’m sure someone in my family said something to him.”

Natalie takes a seat with her coffee as Connor continues. “Honestly, I don’t really care. My dad’s made it clear how it feels, but this is who I am, this is my life, and Will is my boyfriend. Now that we’re out as a couple, we’ll be posting on social media so my dad just has to learn to deal with it.”

“Good for you." Natalie smiles as the door opens and Will walks in.

“There you are.” says Will as Connor turns to around face him. “Hey.”

“Hey babe,” Connor gives Will a kiss. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Will pulls into a hug.

Natalie looks on in pride. “Aw, you guys. I’m so proud to be best friends with Chicago Med’s hot new couple.”

Will laughs and looks at Connor. “I don’t know where that came from, I came in and that’s what April and Reese were calling us.”

“They got it right." Connor puts his arm on Will’s lower back. “You are hot.”

“ _We’re_ hot." Will looks into Connor’s eyes. “Together.” 

Connor smiles and Will leans in to kiss him.

Suddenly, the alarms start beeping and Maggie yells “Incoming!”

“Let’s get to work.” Natalie stands up and the three of then head into the ER.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	33. The Honeymoon's Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Chicago Med, two days later (Friday), 1 P.M.**

Connor is sitting on the roof finishing his lunch when he hears the door open. Turning around, he sees Dr. Downey walking towards him.

“Hey, Dr. Downey.” Connor stands up as he approaches. “I was gonna come to your office after lunch to talk about our next surgery.”

“That’s what I came to talk to you about,” says Dr. Downey, putting his hands in his coat pockets. “You don’t need to come to my office, we’re no longer going to be working together.”

“I don’t understand,” Connor furrows his brow. “I know it’s only been two weeks and I have a lot to learn, but I thought things were going well.”

“They _were_.” Dr. Downey shifts his weight. “but I get to decide who I mentor and I no longer want to work with you after that stunt you pulled the other night.”

“What stunt?” asks Connor, eyes suddenly widening. “Wait, are you talking about me and Will?”

“That show you and Dr. Halstead put on by posting those pictures and videos to your social media accounts was very unprofessional.” Dr. Downey pulls a face.

“It wasn’t a stunt or a show.” Connor tries to explain. “and there was nothing unprofessional about it. We’re two consenting adults in a relationship and we were sharing that on our personal social media accounts.”

“That’s not the way I see it.” says Dr. Downey, unabashed. “Things like that shouldn’t be shared, that shame should be your secret.”

“ _ **Shame?!?**_ ” Connor starts to get aggravated. “There is no shame and no reason for our relationship to be a secret. It’s 2016, love is love.”

“Homosexuality has no place in this hospital,” says Dr. Downey with contempt in his voice. “and I certainly won’t be mentoring an avowed homosexual.”

Connor angrily puts his hand up, not believing his ears. “So let me get this straight, you’re going to stop working with me because I’m gay? Or because I’m in a relationship with a man? Or is it both?”

“Lower your voice, Dr. Rhodes.” Dr. Downey looks around. “Like I said, it’s my choice and I choose to not work side-by-side with someone who sleeps with other men.”

Connor makes a fist to stop himself from attacking Dr. Downey. “You are a disgrace to this hospital. I’ve gotten so much support, so has Will, and here you are, the lone asshole who practices hate instead of tolerance and acceptance.”

“Watch yourself, Dr. Rhodes,” Dr. Downey replies sternly. “I’m not some fellow resident or regular attending, I’m this hospital’s esteemed cardiothoracic surgeon.”

“Am I supposed to be scared by that?” sneers Connor, taking a step towards Dr. Downey. “Because you don’t scare me one bit. I work for this hospital, _not_ for you. You have no control or say over anything related to my job here. You might think you’re the big shit, but you’re really the old school jackass that no one even likes. Frankly, I’m glad we won’t be working together anymore because I wouldn’t want to work with a close-minded, judgmental homophobe like you. I guess being a good doctor doesn’t mean you’re a good person.”

“You’ve got quite a mouth on you, kid.” says Dr. Downey in a mocking tone. “I bet you put that mouth to good use while you’re engaging in sodomy.”

It takes all of Connor’s strength to not lunge forward and punch Dr. Downey in his face. Instead, he walks up to Dr. Downey and stands so that they are mere inches apart.

“You listen to me, you son of a bitch.” says Connor through gritted teeth as his breathing intensifies. “If I _ever_  hear you making hateful comments about me or Will again, I will find you and you will be sorry. I’ve taken down guys half your age and double your size so I’m certainly not scared of a crotchety jerk like you. Try anything and you will be sorry.”

“Is that a threat, Dr. Rhodes?” asks Dr. Downey, laughing and not taking his former protégé's speech seriously in the slightest.

“No." Connor gets in Dr. Downey’s face, growling. “It’s a promise.”

Before Dr. Downey can respond, Connor turns around and walks off the roof. Who the hell does this old son of a bitch think he is?

Downstairs in the ER, Will is at the front desk looking through some papers when he sees Dr. Perrington walk by.

“Dr. Perrington.” Will calls out, following her into one of the treatment rooms.

She turns around and clutches her iPad against her chest. “What can I help you with, Dr. Halstead?”

“I just wanted to apologize for yesterday,” Will puts his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t mean to question you, but I treated Mr. Grossman the last time he was here and I was more familiar with his case.”

“You’re so high and mighty, you know that?” asks an annoyed Dr. Perrington. “I don’t know where you think getting off questioning my diagnosis and my treatment. I’m the attending, _you‘re_ just the resident."

“I know,” says Will, trying to make her understand. “And I’m sorry, but I was just doing what I thought was best for Mr. Grossman.”

“Embarrassing me in front of a patient is unprofessional and unacceptable behavior.” Dr. Perrington shakes her head. “When your residency is over, you better find another hospital to apply for an attending position at.”

“What are you saying?” Will crosses his arms over his chest.

“That I’m on the hospital’s hiring committee and I will do everything in my power to make sure you don’t work here” says Dr. Perrington indignantly. “A resident who questions an attending has no business working here.”

“You can’t do that.” says Will in disbelief.

“I can and I will." Dr. Perrington opens up her iPad. “Everyone around here may be fooled by your new image as this brave openly gay doctor involved in an office romance, but I see who you really are, Dr. Halstead.”

“Dr. Perrington.” Will lowers his arms. “Please.”

“I have real work to do, Dr. Halstead.” says Dr. Perrington, scrolling through her iPad. “So please get out. And enjoy your time here while it lasts.”

At a loss for words, Will turns around and walks out. Has he completely screwed his future?

**Scene : Chicago Med, 5 P.M.**

Connor walks into the break room and plops down into one of the chairs. Finally, this miserable day is over. All he wants to do is see Will and go home.

He closes his eyes and rubs his temples, looking up when he hears the door open.

“I couldn’t be happier that this fucking day is over!” Will shouts, banging his hand on the counter. Connor looks at him. “Sorry babe, today was rough.”

Connor walks over to Will and pulls him into a hug. “Today was rough for me also, but I’m really glad to see you.”

“Me, too." Will relaxes into the hug. In an instant, all of today’s aggravation feels like it’s washing away now that he’s with Connor.

“What happened?” Connor asks as they break their hug and takes Will’s hand, leading him to the table where they both sit.

“Fucking Dr. Perrington,” says Will, unable to contain his anger. “I asked her for a consult on my patient yesterday, but I disagreed with her diagnosis and the treatment she ordered because I was more familiar with the patient’s case. Now she’s telling me that she’s on the hiring committee and is going to make sure I don’t get hired for an attending position. What a self-righteous bitch.”

“Can she do that?” Connor softly strokes Will’s hand to try and calm him down.

“She can.” Will takes a deep breath and sits back. “I’m sorry, she just made me so angry. Tell me what happened with you.”

“Well, apparently Dr. Downey is a homophobe and doesn’t want to work with me anymore because I’m gay and we’re together,” says an irritated Connor. “I was completely caught off guard, he came up to the roof while I was on lunch and told me that he didn’t approve of the ‘show’ we put on the other night with our social media and won’t work alongside a man who sleeps with other men.”

“That is outrageous!” cries Will, sitting up. “Is he even allowed to do something like that just because you’re gay?”

“Technically, it’s a mentorship so he gets to choose whom he works with.” says Connor, taking a deep breath to keep calm. “I checked and he doesn’t even have to give a reason, he can just stop working with me.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” Will leans forward and grabs Connor's hand other hand. “I know how much you liked working with him.”

“It’s ok.” Connor shakes his head. “I wouldn’t want to work with a bigot like him anyway. I’m obviously just not meant to work in cardiology and am supposed to stay in trauma so I can be close to you.”

“That I can’t complain about.” says Will, smiling as he leans in to kiss Connor.

The door opens and Natalie walks in. “Oops, sorry to interrupt all the fun.”

They break their kiss and laugh, turning to Natalie. “What’s up, Natalie?”

“Nothing,” Natalie walks over to her locker. “I’m just grabbing some stuff to go on my break. I thought you guys left already." She walks back over to them. “But you know I’m always happy to see my favorite couple, Rhodestead.”

“I’m sorry,” says Connor as both he and Will turn to her. “Rhode who?”

“Rhodestead.” She clears her throat. “It’s your couple name.”

“Our what?” asks a confused Will as he and Connor look at each other.

“Your couple name." Natalie is bursting with excitement. “You know, like Brangelina and Kimye. All the hot couples have names. But we couldn’t put your first names together the right way, so we did your last names instead.”

“We?” asks Connor, still confused.

“Me and the rest of the staff. You guys have a lot of fans here aside from me.”

_‘Just not Dr. Downey or Dr. Perrington,’ thinks Connor._  

Will gives her a suspicious look. “So, Rhodestead?”

“Rhodestead.” says Natalie affirmatively. “You guys will get used to it, don’t worry.”

Her phone rings. “My nanny’s calling, I’ll see you guys later.”

Connor looks at Will as Natalie walks off. “Well, I guess we’re Rhodestead now.”

Will laughs. “Seems that way. It also seems that Rhodestead needs to figure out what to do about our problems. I don’t want Dr. Downey to get away with treating you like that.”

“And I don’t want Dr. Perrington to keep you from getting an attending job here. We’re gonna have to put our heads together and figure this out. Looks like the honeymoon’s over, babe.”

“Looks like.” Will leans forward and puts his hand on Connor’s knee. “But together, we can figure anything out.”

Connor smiles and leans forward to kiss Will. This guy could make anything better.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, the next day (Saturday), 6 P.M.**

Will and Connor were both off today and are getting ready to go on their double date with Jay and Erin.

“Stop fussing.” Will brushes Connor’s shirt. “You look great.” Connor is wearing a blue pullover with dark gray jeans and a dark blue hoodie.

“What if I’m underdressed?” asks Connor, looking in his bedroom mirror. He turns to Will, who he sees is wearing a dark green button down with black jeans and a dark grey hoodie. “I don't want your brother to think I don’t know how to dress properly for dinner.”

“Relax, babe.” Will puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Jay said it’s a casual place. If you’re underdressed, then I’m underdressed too.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t go.” says Connor nervously. “What if your brother or Erin don’t like me?”

“They already like you.” Will reassures as he wraps his arms around Connor's waist. “It’s not like you’ve never met them before.”

“I know.” Connor relaxes in Will’s arms, his newest safe haven. “It's different now, we’re officially a couple and we’re out. What if they get to know me and don’t think I’m good enough for you?”

“That’s not going to happen.” Will says as he rests his head on Connor's shoulder. “The more they get to know you, the more they’re going to like you and understand why I’m so crazy about you.”

Connor smiles and puts his hand on top of Will’s. “Thanks, babe. I’m just nervous, I want dinner to go well.”

“Don’t you worry about a thing.” Will kisses Connor’s cheek. “Everything’s going to go great.”

**Scene : Bavette’s Bar and Boeuf, 7:45 P.M.**

Bavette’s is a casual steakhouse in Chicago. Voight brings Intelligence here for holidays and it’s one of Jay and Erin’s favorite restaurants so they recommended it for their double date with Connor and Will. The restaurant is big and bright and decently busy for a Saturday night. The four of them are sitting at a table towards the back of the restaurant with Connor and Will on one side and Erin and Jay on the other. Jay is wearing a black t-shirt with dark blue jeans and a black jacket while Erin is wearing a red blouse with blue jeans and a navy blue jacket.

They are currently in the middle of their meal, they all shared a large salad and crab cakes as appetizers and are now eating their entrees. Will ordered the roasted chicken, Connor ordered the lamb chops, Jay ordered the broiled salmon, and Erin ordered the double bone Berkshire pork chop.

“So apparently now our couple name is Rhodestead.” says Will, cutting his chicken. “The people at work have really taken an interest in our relationship.”

“It’s better than Bennifer.” Erin laughs. “And Tomkat.”

“Where do people come up with these names?” asks Jay rhetorically. “You guys seem like you got lucky with your couple name.”

“We got lucky in more ways than one.” Will says before giving Connor a small kiss.

Jay and Erin smile as Jay continues. “So Connor, I’ve heard about what a jerk your dad is and I know what that’s like. What was your mom like?”

“My mom was very sweet. She had such a big heart and was the only person who could ever get through to my dad as stubborn and pigheaded as he is. She was never afraid to stand up to him and take him on, challenging all the nonsense he said and did, especially when he tried to draw my sister and I into his world of avarice and selfishness. As hard as she fought to protect us, she struggled with depression in silence for many years and she lost that fighting spirit towards the end.”

Connor clears his throat. “I know you and Will lost your mom to cancer and I know what that’s like. My mom’s depression got the better of her and she wound up killing herself.”

“Oh, Connor,” says Jay, putting his hands on the table. “I am so sorry, that is awful. I can’t even imagine losing my mom like that.”

Connor smiles weakly as Will grabs his hand. “It was hard, still is hard, but she was an amazing woman and I learned so much from her. Her death created a rift between me and my dad and me and my sister that drew us even further apart than we already were. Fortunately, my sister and I were able to make up thanks to your brother. My dad, on the other hand, is a homophobic jerk.”

“Sometimes family can hurt us the most,” says Erin while eating her food. “I’ve been doing a back and forth dance with my mom for years and every time I think I can give her another chance, she proves to me that she hasn’t changed and that I can’t trust her.”

“Losing your mom is something that stays with you forever." Jay looks over at Will. “No matter how much time passes. I said I know what it’s like to have a dad that’s a jerk and as I’m sure Will’s told you, that’s the truth. Our dad was a mean, belligerent alcoholic and our mom was the only bright spot in our lives. Taking care of her, being there for her in her final days, it created such a strong beyond between Will and me that can never be broken.”

“Will actually made me your mom’s spaghetti and meatballs on our date the other night,” Connor smiles at Will. “It was delicious.”

"Wow. He hasn’t made that for anyone since she died. You really must be special.”

They all laugh.

“Will told me how you were very supportive when he came out to you.” says Connor, eating his lamb chops. “Both of you. I’m glad Will has such great people in his corner to support him.”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.” Jay sips his soda. “Your sister seems pretty great, too.”

“She is. Claire and I have gotten really close again and she’s completely supportive of me and my relationship with Will.”

“Have you dated a lot, Connor?” asks Erin.

“Not really,” replies Connor, sipping his drink. “I’ve only had one boyfriend. I’ve dated a handful of guys over the years, but the whole gay lifestyle is all about partying, drinking, and hooking up for random sex, and that’s not my scene.”

“Mine, either.” says Will turning to Connor. “That’s why we’re perfect for each other.”

Erin smiles. “You guys are adorable together.”

“Thanks,” says Will with a squeeze of Connor’s hand. “I’m going to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

Will gets up, leaving the three of them.

“So,” starts Jay, wanting to take advantage of Will’s absence. “I know we’ve already been through this, but you guys are a couple now and everyone knows you’re together. What are your intentions with my brother? Where do you see this relationship going?”

“Jay,” says Erin, lightly hitting him. “Come on, don’t do that to him.”

“No, it’s ok.” says Connor, crossing his legs under the table. “My intentions are to make Will happy as long as he’ll let me and to make sure I never fail to protect his heart again. I see myself falling madly in love with your brother and if the same happens on his end, hopefully we can be together for a long time.”

Erin smiles at Connor’s response and Jay sits back. “Good answer. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’ll have any issues with Will falling in love with you. He literally radiates happiness these days and it’s all because of you.”

Connor blushes as Will returns. “Did I miss anything?”

“Nope.” Connor leans in and giving Will a small kiss.

“Excuse me.” says the manager walking over. He is middle-aged and tall with black hair that is gelled back and green eyes wearing a navy blue suit. His name tag says Eric. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have to ask that you stop that.”

“Stop what?” asks Jay, looking up at Eric.

“That.” Eric gestures to Connor and Will. “Some of our customers are complaining about seeing you guys be affectionate.”

“Excuse me?” asks Will, taken aback. “We’re a couple and we’re on a date, that’s what couples do on dates.”

“I understand, sir.” Eric starts nodding his head. “But that type of lifestyle is not appropriate to be parading in front of these families.”

“ _ **Lifestyle?!?**_ ” shouts Connor. “We’re two men in a relationship. That’s not a lifestyle, that’s our life.”

“And you’re free to live how you choose.” Eric patronizes. “Except our customers are uncomfortable with it so we're asking you to stop. You’re perfectly welcome to stay and continue your meal as long as you do.”

Jay starts to speak, but Will puts his hand up to stop him.

“You couldn’t pay me to sit here and finish this food,” says an indignant Will, standing up. “You should be ashamed of yourself for accepting and promoting this type of intolerance.”

Erin and Jay sit quietly, proud of how Will and Connor are handling this.

“No need to make a scene, sir.” says Eric, keeping his calm. “You are free to leave. As long as you pay for your meal.”

“I’ve never seen such close-mindedness in my life,” says an angry Connor, standing up and looking around the restaurant at the rest of the patrons who are quiet. “You’re all a bunch of cowards, scared of something you’re not used to. Instead of trying to understand it, you want me and my boyfriend to stop being affectionate. Would you stop kissing your wife or husband or stop holding their hand because someone was uncomfortable with it?”

The room is silent as Connor looks around. “I didn’t think so. You’re all taking our country backwards with your judgment.”

“Please leave _now_.” Eric firmly demands.

“Gladly." Will turns to Jay and Erin. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He and Connor take money out of their wallets and put it on the table to cover their bill.

Jay and Erin stand up and Jay looks at Eric. “My girlfriend and I are Chicago P.D. officers and we’ve always come here with our unit. But you can be sure that we will never come back and we will spread the message that this restaurant and you, Eric, promote intolerance and discrimination. Pretty soon no one will be eating here and your restaurant will be done.”

Unsure of what to say, Eric just stands there as the four walk out.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, Twenty Minutes Later**

Will and Connor walk in followed by Jay and Erin.

“Take a seat, guys.” Will motions to the table. “I’ll put on some coffee and I have some cake and cookies we can eat.”

Jay and Erin take a seat and Connor walks into the kitchen where Will is filling the coffee pot with water.

“Are you ok?” asks Connor, tilting his head. “You didn’t say one word on the ride here.”

“I’m fine.” Will puts the coffee grounds in and plugs in the coffeemaker. He hears the coffee start percolating and turns to face Connor. “Ok, I’m not fine. Dinner was a disaster.”

“I know, babe.” Connor puts his hands on Will’s waist, pulling him close. “We said yesterday that the honeymoon is over and I guess it’s true in more ways than one. We knew everyone wouldn’t be so accepting of our relationship.”

“I know.” Will looks down. “It just…it hurts that there's people like that. Why is it so hard for them to just let us be?”

“I don’t know, I really wish I did.” Connor lifts Will’s chin so he can look at him. “But we can’t let the hate get us down. We have each other and that’s all that matters. We can’t stop the hate, we also can not let it rule us.”

“You’re right,” Will nods, looking into Connor’s eyes. “I don’t think the manager or the people in the restaurant were prepared for how you’d rip into and shame them. It was quite the turn on to see you like that.”

Connor laughs. “Thanks, but you were pretty great yourself. When you made that comment about how they couldn’t pay us to finish our food, I was so turned on that I was ready to take you into the bathroom and do all sorts of things.”

Will blushes and playfully puts his hand on Connor's face. “You’re so bad.”

“You know you love it." Connor smirks.

“You’re right.” Will leans in and kisses Connor.

Jay clears his throat. “Uh, guys, don’t forget about us.”

Will and Connor break their kiss and Will turns to his brother. “Who knew my brother would be such a cock blocker?”

“Haha.” says Jay teasingly as Erin lightly hits him and they laugh. “What’s the ETA on that coffee?

“Coming up." Will looks over at the coffee, seeing it’s done before turning to Connor. “Care to help?”

“Of course.”

Will pulls four coffee cups out of the cabinet and after filling them, he and Connor carry them over to the table.

“Thanks,” says Erin as Connor hands her and Jay their coffee. She takes a sip. “Now that is a good cup of coffee.”

Will and Connor take a seat and Will looks at Jay and Erin. “I’m sorry about tonight. That was not how dinner was supposed to go.”

“Don’t you dare apologize." says Jay, sipping his coffee. “That manager was a jerk and so were the customers who were complaining. We should be the ones apologizing since we recommended the restaurant.”

“None of us knew that would happen,” says Connor, trying to be the voice of reason.

“It makes me so mad to see that in 2016,” starts Erin. “People are still set in such archaic ways of thinking. There’s been so much progress towards equality and LGBT rights and it seems like these people are oblivious to that. It’s also disgraceful that the restaurant and that manager Eric are creating and allowing that type of environment.” Erin turns to Jay. “Let’s tell Severide to spread the word not to go there.”

“I will,” says Jay, nodding affirmatively. “I’m gonna make sure that everyone knows Bavette’s promotes discrimination and hate.”

“I hope you guys know that’s not how I usually am,” says Connor nervously. “I’m not usually so confrontational, I was just so angry at what was going on. But I didn’t want that to be the impression you’re left with me of me after tonight.”

“Connor,” Jay puts his hands on the table. “the way you stood up to everyone in honor of both my brother and your relationship, that told me more than I could have learned from talking to you. That took guts and strength, it just reaffirmed my belief that you would do anything for Will. That is the only impression I am left with tonight so there is no need to worry. We may not know each that well, but for what it’s worth, I am proud of you for being so fearless.”

Jay looks at Will. “I’m proud of both you for the way you stood up for yourselves and for each other. The world needs more of that, no matter if it’s two men, two women, or a man and a woman. Seeing that you two have that makes me proud not only as Will’s brother, but just as a person.”

“Thanks, Jay.” Connor says as Will reaches for his hand. Will smiles at his brother and then his boyfriend before fitting his hand against Connor’s.

A beep from a phone is heard and the four of them look into the kitchen.

“Sorry, I left my phone in my jacket pocket.”

Connor stands up, walking into the kitchen and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He has a new text message and upon reading it, his eyes widen.

“Babe?” says Will, seeing his reaction and walking over to him. “What is it?”

“Where’s your phone?” asks Connor, not looking up from his.

“My battery died. Why? What’s wrong?”

“Hospital wide text message alert.” Connor holds his phone up. “The new chairman of the hospital board, Cornelius Rhodes, is requesting that all hospital staff report in tomorrow morning by 9 A.M. for their monthly evaluations."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	34. How Bad Could It Be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Chicago Med, the next morning (Sunday), 9 A.M.**

Connor walks through the first set of doors in order to get to the ER entrance and sees two armed security guards blocking his way. Two very muscular men, one white and one black, wearing what looks like police uniforms with a holster containing two guns and two pairs of handcuffs.

“I.D., please.” says the first guard.

Connor looks suspiciously and pulls his I.D. out of his pocket.

“Thank you.” says the guard, stepping out of the way. “Go ahead.”

Connor smiles politely and walks through the entrance door, seeing two more armed security guards in the ER.

Looking around, Connor sees Maggie standing outside one of the treatment rooms and walks over to her. “Maggie.”

“Good morning.” Maggie looks up from her phone. “Glad you made it.”

“What’s going on?” asks Connor, looking around. “What’s with the new security guards?”

“It’s part of your dad’s new security protocol.” Maggie walks over to the front desk. “We’ll be getting metal detectors next week and a machine for staff to swipe in.”

“Metal detectors? Is this a hospital or a prison? It's starting to feel a bit like _Orange is the New Black_." 

“It’s what your dad wants,” says Maggie, looking through some papers once she got behind the desk. “and he’s the new chairman of the board so he’s calling the shots. Rhodes is the new Gaffney”

“How did that even happen?” Connor leans on the counter.

“No idea.” says Maggie with a shake of her head. “About 5 p.m. yesterday, Goodwin came down and said your dad was the new chairman and that he was going to start making changes immediately.”

Her phone beeps. “I have to head up for my evaluation. I’d put your stuff down and get to the second floor ASAP so you don’t get stuck waiting in line.”

Maggie walks away and Connor walks into the break room to find Natalie eating a bagel.

“Good morning. When did you get in?”

“About twenty minutes ago. I wasn’t supposed to be in until noon, but I had to make sure I wasn't late for evaluations so Owen’s with my mother-in-law until the nanny arrives.”

“Did you already get evaluated?” Connor walks over to her from his locker. Mouth full, she nods. “How was it? What was it like?”

“It was easy.” Natalie sips her coffee. “Some doctor is up there and he asks you simple questions about protocol and treatment. Then you perform some basic functions, like drawing blood and checking reflexes, all on a dummy while he watches you to make sure you do it correctly. I was done in less than five minutes.”

“Is my dad up there?”

“He’s not in with the doctor, but I did see him going into Goodwin’s office.”

Connor nods. “Is Will here yet?”

“He got in a few minutes ago." Natalie finishes her bagel with a final bite. “He put his stuff down and went upstairs to get his evaluation over with.”

“You were here yesterday,” starts Connor as Natalie throws her garbage away. “what did Goodwin say about my dad? Did she say how he managed to pull it off?”

“Nope. She just came downstairs towards the end of the day, said he was the new chairman and to expect some immediate changes. Then she said to come in for the evaluations this morning.”

“I’m gonna go upstairs and see if I can talk to her,” says Connor, putting his hand on the doorknob. “and get my evaluation done while I’m up there. See you later Nat.”

Natalie nods as Connor walks off. He gets on the elevator with some of the other hospital staff members and when he gets off on the second floor, he sees Will.

“Hey,” says Connor walking over to him.

“Hey,” says Will as they move toward the side. “I was just on my way back down to see if you came in yet.”

“I just got in.” Connor looks around. “How did your evaluation go?”

“It was fine.” Will puts his hands in his pockets. He wants to grab Connor’s hand, but since he can’t, it’s best he put them in his pockets. “Pretty basic stuff.”

Connor sees his dad coming out of Goodwin’s office. “I’m gonna go talk to our new chairman. I’ll see you downstairs, ok?”

“Yeah,” Will smiles. “See you downstairs.”

They go their separate ways, Will towards the elevator and Connor down the hall towards his dad. “Dad.”

“Hi, Connor." Cornelius looks up from his phone. “Are you here to congratulate me?”

“Congratulate you for what?” asks Connor, crossing his arms over his chest. “Somehow manipulating the board into voting you in as the new chairman?”

Cornelius laughs. “No one was manipulated. I simply persuaded enough members of the board that my plan for the hospital was the best idea and they chose to elect me chairman. Now this hospital can finally get into shape.”

“Dad,” starts Connor, but he's immediately cut off.

“Don’t call me that anymore,” Cornelius looks around. “I told you to keep your lifestyle a secret and instead you and that Dr. Halstead went posting all over social media. Were you trying to embarrass me? Because it worked, everyone in our family is amused that my son is gay.”

“I told you that I wasn’t keeping who I am a secret anymore,” says Connor, not backing down. “It’s not my fault that you can’t accept it. I’ve heard from the family and everyone’s been supportive, they’re happy I’ve found someone. They’re only amused because they find it ironic that I’m gay when you hate gay people.”

“I do not hate gay people,” Cornelius raises his voice. “I just don’t approve of the unnatural lifestyle. Sodomy isn’t exactly something God approves of.”

“As if God approves of greed and chasing power your whole life, especially when you've put it before your family,” retorts Connor. “You’re such a hypocrite, Da…excuse me, _Cornelius_.” He shakes his head. “This isn’t gonna work, everyone knows we’re related.”

“It’s a start,” Cornelius looking down at his phone as it beeps. “I have to get back to work, but this isn't over. I’ll be around all the time now keeping an eye of things so get used to seeing me. And don’t forget to get evaluated.”

Cornelius turns to walk off and Connor makes a fist to contain his frustration. He can’t exactly punch his father in the face, at least not here. Sighing, he walks down the hall to get his stupid evaluation over with.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 1 P.M.**

Will walks into the break room to find Connor sitting at the table with a pizza box and two small bottles of soda.

“Hey babe,” Will walks over to the table and takes a seat. “I thought we were gonna have lunch on the roof.”

“We were, but when I went up there, my dad was there talking to some of the hospital administrators. So we’ll have to do lunch in here today.”

Connor opens the pizza box and takes out a square and a marinara, putting them on plates, before sliding the box and a soda over the table. “I got you a grandma and a square.”

“You know just what I like." Will smiles as he puts his slices onto plates. “Did you get to talk to Goodwin?”

“No." Connor pulls a piece of falling cheese off his slice. “She’s been in meetings all day. It won’t matter anyway, my dad’s the chairman now.”

“How bad could it be?” asks Will, taking a bite of his pizza. “Mmm, this pizza is so good. Did you get it from Giordano’s?”

“Yup." Connor smiles. “I know it’s your favorite so I ordered from there.”

“Aw, thanks babe.” Will reaches out to touch his hand. “You’re so thoughtful.”

“Anything for you,” Connor takes a sip of his soda. “and to answer your question, it could get pretty bad. My dad knows how to let power go to his head.”

“Well, hopefully Goodwin and the rest of the board will be able to keep him in check."

“I checked the schedule and we’re both getting off at 5 on Tuesday.” Connor finishes one of his slices. “Would you be up for going to dinner with my sister? She keeps asking me about it.”

“Yeah, that sounds good." Will sips his soda. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know, I’ll ask Claire. I think we can find somewhere better than Bavette’s.”

“That shouldn't be too hard.” Will pulls a piece of parsley off his pizza, enjoying the rest of his lunch with Connor.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 5 P.M.**

Will is walking out of the employee lounge when he hears a voice behind him. “Dr. Halstead.”

He turns around and see Connor’s father.

“Mr. Rhodes,” says Will as he approaches him. “I was just getting ready to get off, is there something I can help you with? Is there a problem with my evaluation?”

“No, not at all." Cornelius shakes his head. “I want to finish our conversation from earlier about you and my son.”

“I’d rather not." Will nervously puts his hands in his pockets.

“Well, that’s too damn bad because we’re going to.” says Cornelius, looking around to make sure no one can hear them. He puts his finger up. “As I started to say before we got interrupted, I don’t know what you think you’re doing with my son, but it has to stop now, the sooner the better. Connor needs to stop living this chosen lifestyle and he certainly can’t keep sharing it on social media with our family. So end your relationship and let him go back to normal.”

Will curls his lip, angered by Cornelius’ words. “Connor was right, you really are an arrogant, homophobic jerk.”

Cornelius starts to talk, but Will puts his hand up to stop him.

“I’m talking now.” Will raises his voice, loud enough to get his point across but low enough not to draw attention. “Let me make a few things clear. First, Connor did not choose this lifestyle; this is who he is. Saying he chose it is insulting and makes you sound ignorant. Second, Connor is a grown man and can share whatever he wants on his social media accounts. You have no control over that. If you don’t like it, stay off of social media. And finally, I have very deep and strong feelings for your son, your input about our relationship is not necessary and certainly not welcome. You may not be able to accept that Connor’s gay, but your close-minded attitude _will not_ (keep us from being happy. You keep making him feel like shit for being who he is and I’m tired of it. That’s not how a father treats his son. It’s not only disrespectful to Connor, but it’s also a disgraceful way to treat your own flesh and blood. In this day and age, when people are more tolerant and accepting of people of all races, genders, sexual orientations, etc., it’s bigots like you who are the problem with our society and keeping us from making real progress towards equality. Stop degrading Connor for walking in his truth. I’m with him now and it’s my job to protect him, so if this continues, you’ll not only lose him forever, but I’ll also be coming for you.”

“You’ve got balls, Dr. Halstead. I like that. Standing up for my son like that, to me, I'm actually impressed.”

“Um, thanks...” Will tries to maintain his posture. He just yelled at Connor’s father, the chairman of the hospital board…he feels like his legs are about to give out.

“Maybe you are good for my son after all.” Cornelius clears his throat. “Nice chatting with you Dr. Halstead.”

Cornelius walks off, leaving Will standing there. He leans on the wall to keep his balance, not wanting to collapse into a blob in the middle of the hall.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 7 P.M.**

Will is laying on his couch with his eyes closed, resting after a long day. He still can’t believe he talked to Cornelius the way he did and Cornelius seemed to respect him for that, which blows his mind.

His rest is disturbed by a knock on the door.

_**'Who could that be?**_  ' Will thinks to himself as he gets up and walks over to the door, opening it to find Jay on the other side.

“Hey Jay. I still can’t get used to you knocking.”

“Haha,” says Jay laughing as Will ushers him inside. “I told you I’m trying to respect your space.”

Will walks into the kitchen with Jay following him behind. “Besides, I don’t exactly want to walk in on you and Connor in a compromising position.”

“Good point.” Will sits against the kitchen counter. “What brings you by?”

“Well, I have some news..." Jay leans on the kitchen counter. “I’m going to ask Erin to marry me.”

“What?!?” Will cries, sitting up. “Are you serious?”

“Yup." Jay pulls a small velvet box out of his jacket pocket. He opens it and shows Will a beautiful 1½ carat diamond tilted square cluster ring in 10k white gold.

“Wow, Jay.” Will holds the velvet box in his hand. “This ring is gorgeous. Where did you get it? And how did you get Erin’s ring size?”

“I got it from Zales,” Jay sits across from his brother. “I ordered it a couple of weeks ago. Burgess helped me, she was talking to Erin about her failed engagement to Ruzek and got Erin to mention her ring size.”

“This is so exciting, Jay.” Will closes the box and hands it back to Jay. “I can’t believe my brother is getting engaged. How are you going to do it?”

“Thanks, Will. You’re the first person I’ve told.” says Jay, putting the velvet box back in his pocket. “Aside from Burgess. I haven’t decided yet, I have a couple of ideas.”

“Tell me about them and I’ll help you decide,” says Will, leaning his elbows on the countertop.

“Well, our anniversary is coming up. A year and a half. So I was thinking I’d invite her over, make dinner, and then propose. I was also thinking about maybe inviting all of our close friends to a fancy restaurant and proposing in front of everyone.”

“I like both of them, actually." says Will, titling his head, thinking of how perfect either one of them would be. “The second one is really romantic and like a real grand proposal. The first one is romantic also, but more intimate, just between the two of you. It depends on which you think she would like more.”

“I’m gonna talk to Burgess and Reese,” Jay clears his throat. “and see what they think. If I go with the second one, I’ll have to see if I can coordinate it with everyone.”

“If you give Natalie, Reese, and I enough notice, then we’ll be able to talk to Goodwin and work the schedule out so we can be there.”

“Don’t forget Connor,” interjects Jay. “your boyfriend would obviously be invited too.”

Will returns his smile. “Thanks, Jay.”

“I meant what I said the other night after we had dinner. The way Connor stood up to the manager and the customers at Bavette's in honor of you and your relationship really showed me that he’s always going to put you first and that he would do anything to defend and/or protect you. As your brother, that’s all I could want from anyone you’re dating. I’ve already said it, but Connor’s very special. And I really think he’s a keeper.”

“I do, too." Will blushes a little. “For the first time since I dated James in college, I feel like I’m falling in love.”

Jay smirks. “Let me clue you in a on a little secret, brother. Connor is definitely falling in love, too.”

“You think so?” Will taps his fingers on the counter. The idea of love after James has finally stopped scaring him.

“If I was a gambling man, I’d bet on it,” Jay laughs as he stands up. “I gotta get to the store, but I’ll keep you updated about my plans for the proposal.”

“Please do.” says Will as his brother walks towards the door. “Goodnight, Jay.”

“Goodnight.”

Will sits at the counter after his brother has left. Jay and Erin are going to get engaged and he couldn't be happier for his brother. It hasn’t been the easiest road for them, but they compliment each other so well and are definitely meant to be.

Hm, meant to be. He never thought he believed in something like that. Being with Connor has changed everything for him, in the best way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	35. Being Brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) I apologize for the delay with posting, but I have been dealing with health issues and was in the hospital last week. Due to my health issues, I've been having issues finding inspiration for my writing. There's still a lot I want to do, but I've been struggling lately to find that creative spark, which I hope will change soon because I love this story.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Chicago Med, Two Days Later (Monday), 9 A.M.**

Connor walks through the first set of hospital doors and sees the two armed security guards standing in front of an I.D. scanner that’s hooked up to a computer.

 ** _'Damn, my dad’s working fast.'_** Connor thinks to himself, pulling out his I.D. card. He notices that it has no barcode to scan.

“Hi,” Connor turns to one of the guards and shows his badge. “I work here, but my I.D. doesn’t have a barcode that I can scan.”

“Today’s the first day.” says the black security guard. “By the end of the day, you will receive your new I.D. card and you will scan in every time you enter the ER. The ER doors will only open when a valid I.D. is scanned so make sure you always have it on you.”

The white security guard turns to the computer and scans a card. “We’re scanning all the employees in today.”

“Ok. Thank you.”

The guard nods and Connor walks into the ER. He sees his dad in the waiting room talking to Goodwin. Hoping to avoid his dad’s ire this morning, he heads to the break room, looking to share some news with Will.

Walking into the break room, he sees Maggie sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, Maggie.” Connor eyes her suspiciously. “Since when do you sit in here? Usually we have to pry you away from the front desk.”

“I know.” Maggie laughs. Connor heads to his locker and Maggie speaks loud enough so he can hear her. “But your dad has technicians here updating our computer system so I had to get out of the way.”

“My dad’s really going full steam ahead.” Closing his locker, he walks back over to Maggie. “All of these changes he’s making must cost a lot of money. System upgrade, I.D. scanner, more security huards, metal detector.”

“The Board’s approved all his actions,” Maggie sips her coffee. “I heard him talking to Goodwin and he was saying that every visitor is going to have to go through the metal detectors before entering the ER.”

“Every visitor?” Connor takes a seat across from her. “Even the friends and family members we know?”

“Every visitor." Maggie nods her head. “Your dad told Goodwin that he doesn’t want to take any chances and let another madman in here. Even if that means subjecting the people we know to metal detectors.”

“I’m surprised he doesn’t want us to go through metal detectors every day, too.” Connor replies sarcastically.

Maggie raises her eyebrows. “Right. But hey, at least he’s trying to protect all of us. Even if it’s a little overboard.”

“My dad doesn't do a little overboard." Connor shakes his head. “Just wait, there’s more to come.” He looks into the hall. “Did Will come in yet?”

“Not yet. How’re things going with you two?”

“Things are going well. We’re spending a lot of time together and just going at a slow and steady pace.”

“So I guess that means you haven’t told him you love him yet?”

Connor laughs. “Am I really that obvious?”

“I'm just very perceptive,” says Maggie laughing. “but it’s pretty clear how you feel about him and how he feels about you.”

“I mean, I’m crazy about him,” says Connor hesitantly. “I’ve felt myself falling in love with him since the beginning. I don’t wanna rush anything though. He had a bad experience with the first guy he loved so I don't wanna scare him away by moving too fast.”

Maggie’s phone beeps. “I understand, and I’d love to continue this conversation further.”  
She pulls a face. “Except your dad needs to see me to explain the upgrades he made to the computer system. Being the head of the ER and having your dad up my ass about everything really isn’t fun. It’s too early for all this.”

“You’ll be fine. Just nod and smile.”

Maggie laughs, standing up. “I’ll remember that. By the way, come up to Goodwin’s office after five to pick up your new I.D. card. See you later.”

Connor nods as Maggie walks out. He gets up to make himself some coffee and turns when he hears the door open and sees Will.

“Good morning, babe.” says Connor, turning to face him. “I’ve been waiting for you to get in.”

“Good morning.” Will beams, walking closer to Connor and giving him a kiss. “Sorry, I got stuck in traffic. How long ago did you get in?”

“Just a few minutes. I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?” calls Will from his locker.

“How would you feel about a trip to New York City this weekend?” calls Connor as he leans on the counter. Will walks back over.

“New York City?” asks a grinning Will, putting his hands on Connor’s hips. “Are you planning on whisking me away for a romantic weekend, babe?”

“Maybe...” says Connor coyly. This was better than a little kid on Christmas, it was from his positively adorable boyfriend. “My sister called me this morning and said that someone at work gave her two tickets to  _Hamilton_  for Saturday night. Claire’s already seen it so she asked me if I wanted them.”

“Hamilton the musical?” asks Will excitedly. “The Grammy and Pulitzer Prize winning, sixteen Tony Award nominated critically acclaimed Broadway show?”

“I guess you’ve heard of it.” Connor teases. “So does that mean you want to go?”

“Hell yes!” says Will grinning widely. “I’ve been wanting to go, but tickets aren’t available for months. I can't believe your sister’s going to give us the tickets.”

“She’s gonna bring them to dinner tomorrow night.” Connor pours himself a cup of coffee. “The only problem is we have to find coverage. We’re both off Sunday and get off early on Friday so we could take a red eye, but we have to find someone to cover our shifts on Saturday.”

“Ethan owes me from the last time I covered from him.” says Will as Connor hands his a cup of coffee. “Thanks. Maybe you could ask Natalie.”

“Maybe,” says Connor as they both take a seat. “but she’d have to find someone to watch Owen.”

“Her mother-in-law Helen is always hanging around,” Will silently laughs. “Natalie could probably ask her to babysit Owen.”

Connor laughs. “I’ll ask her when I see her.”

“I haven’t been to New York City in ages,” Will sips his coffee. “I think the last time I went was with my parents and Jay like ten years ago during Christmas.”

“I was there a couple of years ago. I enjoyed my visit, but everything there moves so quickly. New Yorkers are constantly on the go and not always the friendliest. It’s a really big and busy city, they say it’s the city that never sleeps."

“Well, being alone with you in a hotel room for a weekend,” Will grins lasciviously. “I don’t think we'll be doing much sleeping.”

Connor’s raises his eyebrows and leans forward. “Are you going to try to seduce me?”

“Oh, no.” Will playfully leans forward until he’s mere inches from Connor’s face. “I won’t have to try, you’re definitely going to be seduced.”

“I can get on board with that, hot stuff." Connor smirks as Will closes the gap between them with a sexy kiss, adding to the mood.

**Scene : Chicago Med, four hours later, 1 P.M.**

Connor is walking out of the OR when he sees Natalie. “Natalie.”

“Oh hey, Connor.” Natalie turns her head as he catches up to her. “What’s up?”

“I have a big favor to ask you.” Connor walks next to her down the hall. “Is there any chance you could cover my shift on Saturday? I know you're off, but Claire has two tickets to _Hamilton_ on Broadway in New York City and I really want to go with Will. He already got Ethan to cover for him, I’ll do whatever you want if you say yes.”

They pause at the end of the hall and Natalie puts her finger on her chin. “I’ll do it, my mother-in-law has been wanting to spend more time with Owen anyway. Go with your boyfriend and have a great time.”

“Thank you, Natalie.” says Connor leaning in to hug her.

“My pleasure, but you owe me babysitting.”

“Name the day and I’ll be there." Connor breaks the hug and walks off. “Thanks again.”

Natalie nods as Connor disappears around the corner. A weekend away will be good for the two of them and she’s happy to help make that happen.

Downstairs, Connor walks towards to the front desk. “Hey, Maggie. I got your page while I was in the OR. What’s up?”

“Dr. Grant’s husband came in looking for you,” Maggie motions towards the waiting room. “I told him you were in surgery and he said he’d wait.”

Connor looks towards the waiting room and sees Kyle. What could Dr. Grant’s husband want to talk to him about? “Thanks, Maggie.”

Taking a deep breath, he walks into the waiting room and over to Kyle. “Mr. Grant, hi. I’m Dr. Rhodes.”

“Dr. Rhodes." Kyle stands up. “Nice to meet you.” He extends his hand and Connor shakes it. “Is there somewhere we can talk?”

“Of course." Connor looks around. “Follow me.”

Kyle follows Connor out of the waiting room and into the employee break room. Connor checks to make sure no one is in there. “How can I help you, Mr. Grant?”

“Call me Kyle, please." He takes a seat. “I’m here Dr. Rhodes because I never got to thank you for all you did for my wife. I wanted to come sooner and I meant to look for you at her service, but things have been difficult since she died.”

“You don’t have to thank me." Connor takes a seat. “Your wife was a great doctor and a sweet woman. She always treated me like her equal instead of an inferior resident like some of the doctors here. I’m just sorry I couldn’t do more for her, I wish I could’ve saved her.”

“You did more for Mary than more than most people would have. The cops told me about how you tried to protect her, how you risked your own life trying to save her. Putting their own lives on the line like that is not something most people would do, but you did. You’re selfless, Dr. Rhodes and you clearly have a big heart, which I’m sure makes you a great doctor.”

Connor smiles weakly. “Please call me Connor and thanks. Your wife was one of the few friends I’ve made here. Her dedication to her job was admirable.”

“Mary always spoke highly of you.” says Kyle, sitting back. “She worked with a lot of residents during her time here, but she said you were one of the best and that she knew you’d be an asset wherever you got an attending position. It gives me comfort to know that she wasn’t alone in her last moments, that she was with you.”

Connor swallows the lump in his throat, unsure of what to say. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” Kyle looks down at his hands. “I never thought I’d lose my wife or that my children would lose their mother, but Mary will always be with us. ”

“If there’s anything I can ever do for you and your family,” says Connor as they both stand up. “please let me know.”

“Thank you, Connor." Kyle smiles warmly. “I know this is going to sound strange because we don’t know each other, but I saw your Facebook posts last week on Mary’s account and I’m proud that you and Dr. Halstead had the courage to be honest with who you are and share your relationship with the world. I know Mary would be, too. She was a big LGBTQ advocate and supporter and I know the fact that you and Dr. Halstead are the hospital’s first openly same sex couple would make her happy.”

“Thank you,” Connor extends his hand. “and thank you for coming to talk to me.”

“I know you’re going to do great things as a doctor and a person.” says Kyle as he shakes Connor’s hand. “Your selflessness and bravery are admirable, don’t ever lose those qualities. It was nice to meet you.”

“You, too."

Watching Kyle walk out, Connor leans against the counter, thinking of how unexpected that was.

 **Scene : Connor’s Apartment, The Next Day (Tuesday), 6 P.M**.

“Are you sure your sister didn’t say where we’re going?” asks Will, looking in Connor’s bedroom mirror. “I don’t exactly want to walk in wearing jeans if we’re going to a fancy restaurant.” He is wearing a silver button down shirt with black jeans and a dark gray hoodie.

“All Claire said was that it was a surprise." Connor puts on some cologne. He is wearing a dark blue button down with light blue jeans and a dark hoodie. “Now who’s worried about how they look?” Connor mocks.

“Very funny,” Will lightly hits him. “I just…I know your sister isn’t crazy about me after what happened with us and I don’t want to give her any reason to continue disliking me. I think embarrassing her by dressing inappropriately counts as a reason.”

“Claire does like you." Connor sits on his bed. “She was just being a protective sister. The same way Jay tried to be a protective brother when he hit me.”

Will looks at him guiltily. “Ugh, I’m sorry about that... again. He did apologize, right?”

“He did.” Connor nods. “It’s cool, I forgive him. I’m just saying, my sister’s harsh words were only because she was looking out for me like Jay does for you.”

“I know." Will sits down next to Connor on the bed. “How are you doing after that conversation with Dr. Grant’s husband yesterday? I know it brought back a lot of feelings.”

“It did,” says Connor, looking at his fingers. “I know it sounds weird, but I think talking to him was actually the closure I needed. To hear that he doesn’t blame me and having him know that I tried to save her, it helps. I don’t know how soon the flashes will stop, but I think I’m on the right track. Did I tell you that he commended me, and you, for being the hospital’s first openly same sex couple?”

“No."' Will shakes his head. “He did?”

“Yeah,” Connor grabs Will’s hand. “he think it's brave the way we came out on social media. He said that Dr. Grant would be proud of us for walking in our truth since she was an LGBTQ supporter.”

“That’s sweet." Will smiles. “Being brave is easy when I have a handsome, sweet boyfriend like you. Who I have to say looks pretty hot right now.”

“So do you.” Connor puts his hand on Will’s jeans. “I love the way these jeans fit you, although I wish I was taking them off.”

Will smiles mischievously. “Me too, but you know, your sister will be here any minute.”

“True...” Connor stands up, puts his arms around Will’s neck and pulls him into a fervent kiss as they both fall back onto the bed. "...but that doesn’t mean we can’t try,” He straddles Will. “Are you game?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Will pulls Connor down against him for another kiss.

They start to unbutton each other’s shirts in between hot kisses and heavy groans when they hear a knock at the door.

“Damn it! Who knew my sister was a cock blocker like your brother?” Connor laughs as they press their foreheads together. “We can always pick up with this after dinner.”

“Sounds good to me." Will says with a kiss.

They straighten out their clothes and Connor walks into the living room. Will's nervous so he takes a minute.

Opening the door, he see Claire wearing a purple blouse with blue jeans and a navy blue jacket.

“Hey,” says Claire as Connor ushers her inside. “doesn’t my brother look handsome.”

“Thanks, Claire.” says Connor, shutting the door. “You look beautiful as always, I like the colors.”

“Thanks,” says Claire as they hug. “I try.”

They both laugh and Claire looks around. “Where’s Will?”

“Right here." Will joins them in the living room. “Hi, Claire.”

“Hey!” Claire leans in to give him a hug. “It’s good to see you, Will. I’m glad we’re doing this.”

“Me, too.” says Will as they break the hug and he feels his nerves in his stomach. Hopefully, he makes a good impression on Claire tonight, he wants her to see a different side of him.

“You guys certainly make a handsome couple.” Claire looks at Will and Connor who are now standing next to each other. “Everyone at work must be jealous.”

“With a boyfriend like Connor,” Will puts his arm around Connor’s waist. “there’s a lot for other people to be jealous of.”

“Right back at ya, babe.” says Connor, giving Will a small kiss.

“You’re really sweet together,” Claire can't help but start smiling. “I hope you guys are hungry.”

“Starving.” Connor grabs his keys. “Where are we going to eat?”

“One of my favorite new places I just discovered, South Branch Tavern & Grille. It promotes an environment of tolerance and acceptance so there won’t be any issues like when you guys went to Bavette’s.” Claire adjusts her purse on her shoulder. “Do you wanna drive together or follow me?”

“We’ll follow you, no problem.” Connor says.

Walking out, Will and Connor get into Connor’s car and they follow Claire to the restaurant, where they arrive about twenty minutes later.

“Ready for dinner with my sister?” Connor asks as he and Will takes their seatbelts off.

“Lead the way, babe.” Will smiles.

**_…To Be Continued_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	36. How To Look At The Person You’re Dating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : (con’t) South Branch Grille & Tavern, 30 minutes later**

South Branch Grille is a contemporary restaurant downtown that sat right on the Chicago River. It's big with an outdoor patio and a large number of windows that allow lots of light in and a view of the architecture of the downtown buildings. South Branch offers a wide variety of modern American menu items.

Connor, Claire and Will are sitting at a table at the back of the restaurant giving them a view of the river. They shared the Bang Bang shrimp and kale and artichoke dip for appetizers and were now waiting on their entrees. Will ordered the steak burger, Connor ordered the Santa Fe chicken wrap, and Claire ordered the pesto primavera. Claire ordered a glass of chardonnay and Will and Connor were drinking beer.

“So tell me, Will,” Claire sips her wine. “what was it like growing up in Canaryville?”

“Life on the south side was mixed, we lived on one of the good blocks that wasn’t far from one of the bad blocks, so it taught me how to be tough and stand my ground. My brother and I quickly learned who to befriend and the people whose good side we had to stay on. I wasn’t popular or anything growing up, I just stayed with my group of friends and my brother and minded my own business. At the same time, I was struggling with being gay so my friendships kind of suffered. It took me a long time to learn how to let people in even while I was struggling with who I was.”

“What were your parents like?” Claire inquisitively asks. “Did they know about you?”

“They did not.” Will takes a deep breath. “My mother was very sweet, but she had cancer, Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and suffered for many years. I didn’t want to burden her with my issues when she was sick. The problem was that her type of cancer wasn’t aggressive and didn’t metastasize for a long time. So she’d go through chemo and radiation sending her into remission for a short period before it came back. And when it came back, it hadn’t really spread until the final time it came back and had spread beyond the reach of treatment. My mom never really got to live the life she deserved because she was always sick from the chemo and radiation treatments. It was hard to watch her in so much pain and it was up to me and my brother to take care of her. I know you know what it’s like to lose your mom. It was the most difficult experience of my life, I never would’ve gotten through it without my brother.”

“I’m so sorry, Will.” Claire shakes her head. “That is terrible, I can’t imagine watching your mom suffer like that for so long. You’re very strong for being there for her when she needed you most and I’m sure she’s proud of the wonderful man you’ve become who’s not afraid to be who he is.”

Will smiles weakly, thoughts of his mom running though his mind.

“I don’t want to pry, but what about your dad?” Claire gently asks, as she adjusts her napkin on her lap. “Where was he during all this?”

Connor starts to speak, but Will puts his hand on his arm. “It’s ok, babe. I don’t mind talking about my dad.” He turns back to Claire. “My dad, very much like your dad, was a self-absorbed jerk. He was a corrections officer and the only way he could deal with the crap he experienced everyday at work was by drinking. He fell into a cycle of coming home completely hammered at all hours of the night, yelling at the three of us, not even noticing or caring how sick my mom was. Caring for our mom was too much an inconvenience for him because driving her to and from her appointments kept him from sleeping off his hangovers. When he was sober, which was rare, he did help us take care of our mom. He also always made it clear how a man should carry himself and how a man should act, pretty stereotypical stuff, and being gay did not fit in. My dad was a loud mouth who was always talking shit about liberals, feminists, and gay people so there was no way I could tell him about myself. My brother and I only stayed at home because our mom was sick and we moved out not longer after she died. The day we moved out was the last time we saw or spoke to our dad, it’s been almost two years.”

“Wow,” Claire says after a moment, although she is speechless. “I thought our dad was shitty, but I think your dad takes the cake. I’m sorry you had to endure all that, but it’s a real testament to your character that you turned into such a great man despite your father’s poor example.”

“Thanks.” Will shifts in his seat, all of this talk about his dad is making him uncomfortable. “It really was all because of our mom that my brother and I turned out like we did. In our initial years growing up, before she got sick, she taught us a lot that shaped who we became. Our dad wasn't always so bad, but even when he wasn’t, he was never an example to follow. My mom was the biggest influence in my life.”

“What did your dad say when you and your brother moved out?”

“It was about a month after our mom died.” Will sips his beer. “Our dad had been a mess since she died, skipping work to stay home and drink. He was angry when we told him we were moving, he claimed we were abandoning him, but he couldn’t stop us. The day we moved out, he was passed out drunk on the couch. We simply walked out and that was it.”

“I’m glad you got out. Living in such a toxic environment isn’t healthy.”

Will smiles as the waiter walks over with their food. “Finally, I’m starving!”

“I’m gonna go wash my hands,” Connor stands up. “I’ll be right back.”

When Connor walks away, Will turns to Claire. “Listen, Claire, I know I’ve given you a thousand and one reasons to not like me. I acted like a total dick to Connor when we were broken up and I understand why you wouldn’t let me see him in the hospital. I just want you to know that I am sorry for everything I said and did to him and I’m not going to hurt him again. I want us to get along, you’re my boyfriend’s sister and I want you to like me. I’ll do whatever it takes to change your opinion of me.”

Claire reaches for his hand and looking down, he takes her hand. She smiles. “Will, I like you. A lot. I’ve always liked you, that never stopped when you and Connor were broken up. I just hated seeing Connor in so much pain and was being an overprotective sister at the hospital that day when I yelled at you. Connor’s the most important person in my life yet I still liked you despite how you treated him, I was just mad. Connor told me all about your reconciliation and how you both acknowledged your role in what went wrong. I know you’re sorry Will and I never want you to think I don’t like you because I really do. You care for my brother like no one ever has before, the way you look at him is how everyone should look at the person they’re dating. I can see and feel the love you have for him and vice versa and I think you two are perfect for each other."

“That means a lot to me Claire, thanks.” Will smiles widely. “I just…your brother is very special and I’m not going to let him go again. I will make sure to always protect him with everything I have and I want to be with & love him as long as he’ll let me.”

“So you are in love with him.” Claire smirks. “I knew it!”

Will laughs. “I am. But we’re not rushing it, I don’t wanna scare him away by moving too quickly.”

“I understand.” Claire nods. “For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure he feels the same way. Connor has this lightness and glow about him that I’ve never seen before and it’s all because of you.”

Will smiles and then clears his throat as Connor returns to the table.

“Talking about me?” Connor asks, sitting back down. “Only good things I hope.”

“What else could we say but good things?” Will asks rhetorically, giving Connor a kiss.

“Oh,” Claire pulls her purse onto her lap. “Before I forget, here are the _Hamilton_  tickets.”

She pulls two tickets out of her purse and hands them to Connor. “They’re very good seats, I hope you guys enjoy the show. I saw it a few months ago and I loved it.”

Will looks at the tickets in Connor’s hand. “This is great, thank you so much Claire. I’ve been wanting to see Hamilton for months and tickets are impossible to get.”

“My pleasure.” Claire smiles sweetly. “I’m glad you guys are going, New York City is the perfect place for a romantic weekend. So many things to see and do.”

“Will already has our weekend planned,” Connor says playfully turning to Will. “Apparently we’ll be in our hotel room most of the weekend so there won’t be much time for sightseeing.”

“Oh really?” Claire raises her eyebrows.

“That’s right, I have plans to seduce your brother,” Will grins, patting Connor’s knee. “So sightseeing will have to wait because it will be us, our hotel room, and our bed that hopefully has a strong box spring.”

Claire laughs and puts her hands up. “I don’t need to hear anymore, but thanks for the mental image of what you’ll be doing all weekend.”

They all laugh and Connor kisses Will.

Half an hour later, they’ve finished their meals and are having coffee & sharing some cookies.

“This was great.” Claire takes a bite of a cookie. “The three of us should do this again.”

“I’d like that.” Will takes a sip of his coffee and squeezes Connor’s hand.

“Connor, Claire.” A voice from behind them calls.

They turn around and see their cousin John walking towards them. He is tall and clean shaven with green eyes, medium-length sandy blonde hair wearing a blue button down shirt and black jeans that show off the fact that he is in good shape.

“John!” Claire gets up to hug him. “What are you doing here? I thought you moved to L.A.”

“I was there for a couple of years,” John replies as Connor walks over to hug him. “but I moved back recently for work. It’s so good to see you guys.”

“You, too.” Claire puts her arm around John. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“I’m married, actually.” John shows them the wedding band on his finger. “I met my husband Derek when I lived in L.A., we’ve been married for almost two years.”

“That’s so great,” Connor slaps him on the back. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” John replies as Connor walks over to Will. “This is my boyfriend, Will.”

“Nice to meet you,” Will stands up and shakes his hand.

“You, too.” John smiles at seeing Connor and Will together. “I’m really proud of you, Connor, for coming out and sharing your relationship with Will. It warms my heart as your cousin to see you no longer hiding who you are.”

“Wait...” Connor laughs silently as he tilts his head. “You knew I was gay?”

“I did.” John affirms with a nod. “Like most gay people, I have good gay-dar. I always saw how much you struggled with who you are. Probably because your dad is about as accepting as my stepdad. I’m just glad you’ve moved past struggling and are no longer afraid to be honest about yourself.” He turns to Will. “Plus Will is really handsome.”

“Thanks,” Will smiles.

“Anyway, it was great to see you guys,” John looks over his shoulder. “My husband must think I got lost in the bathroom, but we should get together for dinner or drinks sometime.”

“Sounds good.” Claire hugs him. “Send my love to your mom.”

“I will,” John hugs Connor. “So proud of you, you’ve come a long way, Connor.”

“Nice to meet you again,” John shakes Will’s hand. “I’m glad Connor finally found someone that makes him happy.”

“Have a good night, guys.” John says with a small wave as he walks off.

“He seems nice.” Will says as the three of them sit back down.

“John’s great,” Connor takes a sip of his coffee. “I always admired how he was comfortable in his own skin and so unapologetic about being gay. He was always so nonchalant about it, not caring who did or didn’t like for he was.”

“That’s the way to be,” Claire responds, crossing her legs under the table. “I mean, of course you guys have to stand up for yourselves like when you were at Bavette’s. But in general, you guys have to be confident in who you are individually and together and ignore the hate because there is so much acceptance out there.”

Will smiles at Connor. “There’s a lot to be confident about when your boyfriend is as handsome as Connor.”

“You’re the handsome one.” Connor gives his boyfriend a kiss.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 10 P.M.**

“Wow, that was…that was something else.” Connor pants out as he draws the covers over his bare torso and lays his head on the pillow. “Someone was feeling particularly frisky tonight.”

“With a hot boyfriend like you, I’m always feeling frisky.” Will grins, turning to face Connor. “That was just a little preview of what’s to come this weekend when we’re in New York City.”

“Oh, really?” asks Connor, a smirk forming as he puts his arm behind his head. “I better get some rest before this weekend then.”

“That would be a good idea.” Will gets on top of Connor, pressing their naked bodies together. “because we won’t be doing much sleeping.”

Connor raises his eyebrows. “I’m good with being naked like this all weekend, if not all the time. As long as we don’t miss the show.”

“Never.” Will leans down and kisses Connor passionately. “Stay here tonight.”

“I’d love to." Connor looks into Will’s eyes. “I don’t have to be in early so I can go home to shower and get a pair of scrubs in the morning.”

“I actually have a surprise for you.” Will gets up and wraps the sheet around his waist, leaving his dark knight in the buff.

Connor sits at the edge of the bed and watches as Will walks over to his dresser and opens up the bottom drawer, which contains a couple of pairs of scrubs. “Are those my size scrubs?”

“They are,” Will leans against the dresser. “I got a couple pair from the hospital so you can spend the night more often and not have to go home to get ready for work. I also cleaned out these two bottoms drawers so you could keep whatever stuff you want here.” He pauses to search Connor’s face for a response. “Unless you think it’s too soon..."

Connor smiles and grabs Will’s hand, pulling him to the edge of the bed and kissing him. “I think it’s perfect.”

“Really?” Will puts his arms around Connor’s neck.

“Absolutely, babe.” Connor pulls Will close. “I hate having to leave you so this means I don’t have to anymore. I was going to do the same thing at my place, but I was worried it would freak you out. Except now that you’ve done this, I’ll clean out my drawers tomorrow for your stuff, and I’ll get some scrubs in your size to keep at my place, too.”

“Sounds normal.” Will says with a smile. “I like it.” He looks towards the bathroom and smirks. “Now how about you join me in the shower?”

“That I can get on board with,” Connor grins. “I’ve never had sex in the shower before.”

“Me neither,” Will kisses him. “Let's see how it goes.”

Connor laughs as Will grabs his hands, letting the sheet drop as he leads him to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	37. New York: Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.
> 
> 3.) This chapter starts 3 chapters that will be taking place in New York City, which is where I live. In order to properly read this chapter, please follow along with the Pinterest board I made for it: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-37-new-york-city/. There is only so much I can help my readers visualize with descriptions so this board has actual pictures to help you get a better sense of what is happening.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 3 days later (Friday), 5 P.M.**

“Goodnight, Maggie.” Connor says as he walks up to the front desk. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Maggie looks up from her phone. “You and Will are going to New York City this weekend.”

“Yeah,” Connor responds, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. “we’re taking a red eye at 6:30 and have to check in our hotel by 10.”

“Late check in, no?” Maggie asks, raising her eyebrow.

“When we made our reservation, we explained we had to work and are taking a red eye from Chicago because we’re see Hamilton on Saturday night,” Connor leans on the desk. “so they gave us a late check-in, but we’re paying for the room for the whole day.”

“Where are you guys staying?”

“The Chelsea Pines Inn. It’s on 14th Street and 8th Avenue in Chelsea. Our flight should arrive at JFK by 9 and then we’re going to take a cab there.”

“Never heard of it,” Maggie replies, shaking her head. “but I've only been to New York City twice and I stayed at hotels in Times Square.”

Her phone beeps and after checking it, she turns to Connor. “I gotta go see Goodwin, but have a great time in New York City.”

“Thanks, Maggie.” Connor taps his hand on the desk. “Have a good weekend.”

Maggie smiles and Connor turns around to leave. Checking his watch, he sees it’s 5:10. He should have plenty of time to go home to change and grab his stuff before meeting Will at the apartment. Will hadn’t finished packing so he left a few minutes before Connor did to do so.

**Scene : New York City, Chelsea Pines Inn, 8:45 P.M.**

“Thank you.” Will says to the cab driver as he closes the door follows Connor out onto the street. “Here we are."

Chelsea Pines Inn is a small inn located at 317 West 14th Street. Situated on 14th Street a few hundred feet away from the CVS on the corner of 8th Avenue, it is a renovated townhouse featuring modern, movie-themed quarters and a garden. It’s in a prime location bordering the neighborhoods of Greenwich Village, Chelsea, and the Meatpacking District and is walking distance from the A/C/E/L train station at 8th Avenue.

Connor looks around. “Certainly busy around here, let’s get settled and then we can take a look around.”

They sling their carry-on bags over their shoulders and grab their suitcases. Opening the gate, they walk down the steps and through the front entrance into the lobby straight to the front desk, where they are greeted by a tall white woman with long brown hair.

“Good evening.” The woman smiles at them. Her name tag says Jenny. “My name is Jenny, welcome to the Chelsea Pines Inn. Do you have a reservation?”

“Yes, it’s under Rhodes –Halstead,” Connor informs her, adjusting his carry-on bag on his shoulder.

Jenny checks the computer. “Ah, here it is. What brings you guys to New York City from Chicago?”

“We’re seeing _Hamilton_ tomorrow night.” An impatient Will replies, leaning on the desk. Enough chit-chat, he just wants to put his stuff down and spend time with Connor.

“Wonderful,” Jenny enthusiastically responds as she pulls two room keycards out of the drawer and hands them each one. “I saw it recently and I loved it. Your room is on the third floor, room 304. If you need any directions or recommendations for places to visit or eat, we have these brochures,” She motions to brochures on the desk. “I’m also happy to assist you however I can while you’re here.”

“Thanks.” Connor slaps his keycard against his wrist. “We’ll let you know if we have any questions.” He turns to Will. “Let’s go unpack.”

“Enjoy your stay!” Jenny calls as Connor and Will walk off.

Coming up the stairs, they stop at the third floor and see their room. Using Connor’s keycard, they enter their one-bedroom suite. It is big and bright and includes: a separate living room and bedroom with a queen-sized bed, the living room has a sofa and work desk, a private bathroom with granite countertop, standing shower, and luxurious Gilchrist & Soames bath products, 30” flat-panel TV with 20 satellite channels, including HBO and CNN, a wet-bar with personal Nespresso machine, iPhone/iPad docking station, an in-room safe, an iron and ironing board, a refrigerator, free wifi and local calls, and central air-conditioning & heat.

“Wow.” Will marvels as he walks in. “This is beautiful.” He looks around. “A separate living room, is this a suite?”

Connor walks into the living room and puts his bagon the sofa, setting his suitcase on the floor next to him. “It is. Do you like it?”

“I love it.” Will puts his stuff on the floor and peeks his head into the bathroom. “Holy shit, this bathroom is gorgeous! A standing shower and granite countertops.”

He walks over to Connor, who is sitting on the sofa. “You really splurged on this room. You have to let me pay for at least half.”

“Absolutely not.” Connor insists. He takes Will’s hand and pulls him down next to him on the sofa. “Coming here to see _Hamilton_ was my idea so this room is completely on me, and there will be no discussion about it.”

Will curls his lip. “Fine, but you can’t stop me from paying for dinner or drinks.”

Connor jokingly puts his hand up. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Haha.” Will leans in to kiss Connor. “Let’s unpack and take a walk.”

“A walk?” Connor asks mockingly. “I thought we were gonna be hold up in our room all weekend.”

“We have all weekend for that, babe.” Will stands up and picks up his carry-on and suitcase from the floor. “Besides, it’s only 9 o’clock. I wanna explore this city with my boyfriend.”

“No arguments here.” Connor stands up and grabs his stuff.

Ten minutes later, they are standing on the sidewalk in front of the inn.

Will turns to Connor. “Which way?"

“Left.” Connor tilts his head. “Towards Chelsea on 8th Avenue.”

“Can I hold your hand?” Will sheepishly asks.

“You can always hold my hand.” Connor sweetly replies, as he turns towards his boyfriend. “You never have to ask, babe.”

Will smiles and grabbing his hand proudly, they take off down the block until they get to the corner.

Connor looks at the train station. “I’ve never been on a train here before, but we’ll have to take one to get to the show tomorrow.”

“Or we could take a cab.” Will suggests.

“That’ll ruin the authentic NYC experience,” Connor laughs. “I want us to experience life as New Yorkers while we’re here.”

“Do New Yorkers do this?” Will asks as he leans in to kiss Connor. People walk by them and no one seems bothered.

“I think so.” Connor grins. “New York is a very open and accepting city. Plus, Chelsea is one of the well-known gay neighborhoods.”

“Well then, let’s keep going this way.” Will looks up the avenue. “Maybe we could find somewhere to get coffee, too.”

Connor smiles at his boyfriend as they continue walking up 8th Avenue hand in hand. As they get to the corner of 8th Avenue and 16th Street, they see a Starbucks across the street.

“There’s Starbucks.” Connor points. “I could go for a coffee also.”

They stand at the corner and after the light changes, they cross the street and walk into Starbucks.

Getting in line, Will turns to Connor. “What do you want, babe? This is on me.”

Connor starts to protest, but Will puts his hand up. “You told me you wouldn’t argue so don’t. What do you want?”

“Fine,” Connor relents. “I’ll just take a grande iced coffee, unsweetened.”

Will nods as they walk up to the barista. “Hi, how can I help you today?”

“Two Grande unsweetened iced coffees please.” Will orders.

“What’s your name?” The barista asks.

“Will.”

“That’ll be $6.42 total,” The barista tells him and Will hands him his credit card. “Thank you, your drinks will come up at the end of the bar.”

“Thanks,” Will looks at Connor and they walk towards the bar.

“I have two grande unsweetened iced coffees for Will.” The barista announces as she puts the drinks on the bar.

“Thank you.” Will picks up the coffees and hands one to Connor.

They walk over to the milk and fix up their iced coffees.

“Thanks, babe,” Connor takes a sip of his coffee. “This coffee is just what I needed.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Will replies as they sit on two stools by the window. “So do you wanna keep walking or head back to the hotel?”

“Um,” Connor looks through the window and seeing that the sky has turned very dark. “It looks like it’s going to pour so let’s finish our coffee and head back.”

Will looks out the window and sees the dark sky. “You’re right.”

They finish their coffee and leave Starbucks, but barely make it a block before it starts raining.

“I guess the rain didn’t want to wait until we got inside.” Will says as they duck under the scaffolding of a nearby building. “How long do you think it’ll last?”

“No clue,” Connor watches the rain pour down. “Let’s embrace it.”

“You mean get soaked on our way back to the hotel?” Will inquires as he turns to Connor.

“Why not?” Connor pulls at Will’s arm. “You only live once, babe.”

Will smiles as he watches Connor walk out into the rain. He’s mesmerized watching the rain fall onto Connor’s hair and clothes. “You know you look so hot like that.”

“Let’s be hot together, it’ll be fun,” Connor runs his hands through his wet hair, his beaming pearly white smile the only light in the rain. “Come on, babe!”

Will laughs. “Fine.” He relents and joins Connor in the rain.

Will opens his arms wide and lets the rain hit him. Connor laughs seeing Will having fun and runs into his arms.

“I’ve always wanted to kiss in the rain.” Will looks into Connor’s eyes.

“That’s the spirit,” Connor leans in to kiss Will deeply.

The two of them just stand there in the pouring rain making out as if the world has disappeared and there was no one else around. In Chicago, people would probably look strangely at two guys doing this, but here in New York City, nobody that walked by said anything. Love is love and no city embodies that more than New York.

After a few minutes, they break their kiss and catch their breaths.

“We should continue this at the hotel.” Connor grabs Will’s hand. “Get that weekend mattress marathon started.”

“Now who’s feeling frisky?” Will grins as they walk back to their hotel.

Five minutes later, they are walking into their hotel room.

“That was actually fun.” Will says as Connor walks into the bathroom and grabs them each a towel. “Thanks, babe.”

“You see,” Connor runs the towel through his wet hair. “I knew you’d have fun.”

“Now we’re gonna have real fun,” Will smirks as he puts his hand on Connor’s head and pulls him in for a kiss. Their soaking wet clothes are sticking to their bodies and their arousal is evident.

“Let’s get out of these wet clothes.” Connor grinds his body against Will’s as he starts to unbutton Will’s shirt.

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Will responds as he hurriedly unbuttons Connor’s shirt. He needs to feel Connor’s skin against his, _now_.

Connor pushes Will’s shirt off his shoulders and after Will does the same, Connor pulls Will close so their bodies are flush against each other and kisses him deeply. Skin on skin contact, _finally_.

They break their kiss, both ready to keep going. “Let’s get these wet jeans off and head to the bedroom.”

Connor unbuttons his jeans and slides them off. Will follows suit and Connor grabs his hand to lead him to the bedroom, both in their underwear and both very turned on.

As soon as they enter the bedroom, Connor pushes Will down on the bed. He kisses Will and presses his body and his hardness against Will's.

“Oh god, Connor,” Will is unable to suppress his moan as Connor uses his tongue to trace the outline of Will’s ear. “You’re gonna make me cum in no time if you keep that up.”

“Good thing we have all night for you to cum multiple times.” Connor smirks as he removes his boxers and then Will’s.

Will pulls Connor against his body and hungrily kisses him as their erections press together.

“Will,” moans Connor as he feels Will’s tongue lick up and down his neck. “I need you.”

“Need me where, babe?” Will asks as he sucks on Connor’s collarbone.

“Inside me.” Connor responds breathlessly. “Fucking me.”

Will looks into Connor’s eyes and for the first time, he sees what everyone else has been telling him about: love. Connor loves him and he loves Connor, too. Sex has never just been fucking with them, but tonight, more than ever, it will be making love.

“I put condoms and lubes in the nightstand drawer.” Will reaches for them. “How do you wanna do this, babe?”

Connor gives him a small kiss. “On my side, with you sliding into me from behind.”

“Perfect.” They rearrange themselves on the bed until they are in position with Will’s hardness pressed up against Connor.

Will puts the condom on and applies some lube to himself and Connor. “Are you ready?”

“I am.” Connor closes his eyes and starts to feel Will entering him. They’ve had sex many times, with him on both top and bottom, but the initial pain is always jarring. Connor’s face contorts in pain and he bites his lip.

“It’s ok.” Will feels Connor’s body tighten and reassuringly wraps his arm around his waist. “I’m gonna be really easy and gentle like you always are with me. I got you.”

Connor silently nods as he feels Will sliding further into him and the pain starting to subside. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“No, don’t stop.” Connor closes his eyes as he feels Will enter him completely.

“Better?” Will asks.

“Much,” Connor relaxes his body against Will. “I’ve needed you inside me all day.”

Will kisses Connor’s cheek as he starts to move his hardness slowly in and out. “You’re always so tight.”

“I’m not the only one.” Connor mocks, patting his hand against Will’s arm. “Mmm, Will, you feel so good.

“You like that, baby?” Will asks as he reaches around for Connor’s hardness. “I wanna make you feel good.” He starts to move his hand up and down Connor’s length.

“Oh, baby.” Connor moans as he feels a rush of pleasure. “Oh my god, I’m not gonna last much longer.”

“Me, neither.” Will pumps in and out of Connor while working his fingers on Connor’s shaft.

“Faster baby, I wanna feel you.” Connor moans, closing his eyes.

Will speeds his thrusts up feeling the wetness as he moves in and out of Connor. “I'm gonna cum.”

“Me, too.” Connor explodes all over Will’s hand while Will explodes inside the condom inside Connor.

They are both panting, trying to catch their breath from the intensity of their orgasms.

Will unwraps himself from Connor and pulls out, taking the condom off, some of his cum getting onto his hand. “We should probably take a shower and clean up.”

“I’ll race you.” Connor sits up and grins. “If I get there first, I get to do you in the shower like last time.”

Will laughs. “Deal.”

They both run out of the room and towards the shower where more passionate sex is had. Tonight was great and this was just the start of their weekend in New York City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	38. New York: These Streets Will Make You Feel Brand New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.
> 
> 3.) This chapter is the second of 3 chapters that will be taking place in New York City, which is where I live. In order to properly read this chapter, please follow along with the Pinterest board I made for it: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-38-nyc/ There is only so much I can help my readers visualize with descriptions so this board has actual pictures to help you get a better sense of what is happening.

**Scene : Chelsea Pines Inn, the next morning (Tuesday), 9 A.M.**

The sun streams through the window directly hitting the bed. Will begrudgingly opens his eyes, unable to sleep with the sun hitting them. He reaches his arm next to him for Connor, but the other side of the bed is empty.

Will bolts upright, eyes wide open, searching for his boyfriend. “Connor?”

“Good morning, babe.” Connor walks into the bedroom carrying a tray of food.

“What’s all this?” Will smiles as Connor puts the tray on the bed.

“I got up first and didn’t want to wake you,” Connor sits on the bed and crosses his legs. “so I went downstairs and got us breakfast. I hope you didn’t mind.”

“Mind?” Will silently laughs. “This is so thoughtful, no one’s ever brought me breakfast in bed before. Thank you, babe.”

Connor leans forward and kisses him. “My pleasure, baby.”

Will shifts uncomfortably at hearing Connor call him 'baby'. They said it to each other multiple times last night, in the thralls of passion, but it sounds different now.

Connor notices Will’s uneasiness and scrunches his face. “It’s weird to call each other baby, isn’t it?”

“Aw, no.” Will reaches for Connor’s hand. “I don’t think it’s weird at all.”

Connor smiles, rubbing Will’s knuckles, as he continues.”I know it sounds weird, but baby is the term of endearment I always thought about using when I met that special guy. And now that you’re that guy, the guy of my dreams…it’s so much more than I could have ever imagined.”

Connor shuffles over on the bed to pull Will into a hug. “Being with you is more than I could have ever imagined too.”

Will smiles as they break apart. The love he saw in Connor’s eyes last night, he really is a lucky guy.

“Let’s eat before everything gets cold.” Connor gestures to the tray of food in front of them. “I got eggs, toast, juice, and fresh coffee I made with our Nespresso machine. I figured you’d be as hungry as I am after all the energy we burned last night.”

Will grins at his boyfriend. “You bet I am. You sure know how to wear a guy out, _baby_.”

“Look who’s talking.” Connor playfully jabs Will’s in the ribs as they take the covers off of their plates of food.

“So what do you wanna do today?” Will asks in between bites. “The show isn’t until 5.”

“I don’t know.” Connor sips his orange juice. “It’s a beautiful spring day, would you wanna do some sightseeing? We could get back here about 3 to get ready and then leave for the show around 4.”

“Sounds good.” Will takes a sip of his coffee and then reaches for his phone on the nightstand. “I found this restaurant I was thinking we could go to.”

Will hands his phone to Connor. “It’s called Cafeteria, it’s on 7th Avenue and 17th Street.”

Connor scrolls through the menu. “The menu looks good.” He hands Will back his phone. “ _Hamilton’s_ about three hours so maybe we should make a reservation. I think it’ll probably be pretty busy by the time we get there.” 

“You’re right.” Will nods and starts typing on his phone. “Ok, I just made a reservation on OpenTable for 8:45.”

Connor cuts a piece of his scrambled eggs to eat. “Perfect.”

After they finish breakfast, Connor and Will spend the next two and a half hours in their hotel room just enjoying some relaxation time together. By 11:30, they’re both dressed and walking downstairs to the lobby.

“Good morning.” Jenny greets them with a smile. “How are you guys today?”

“We’re good, thanks.” Connor responds as they walk towards the desk. “Can you please tell us how to get to Washington Square Park?”

“Sure.” Jenny puts her hand up. “You’re going to come out and make a left. Follow 14th Street all the way to University Place. When you get to University Place, make a right and follow it all the way down. The street numbers will be getting lower and you’ll see signs for NYU as you get closer.”

“Thanks.” Will says as they turn around and walk hand-in-hand out of the hotel.

Upon walking outside, they are greeted by a beautiful late April spring day. They make their left and look around at all the buildings. They see Duane Reade when they get to 7th Avenue, Bank of America when they get to 6th Avenue, Chase Bank when they get to 5th Avenue, and finally they arrive at the corner of 14th Street and University Place.

“It’s so busy here.” Will looks around. “I think this is Union Square.”

“I think you’re right.” Connor points to the train station that says Union Square Station. “Now that we know where we are, we just have to follow this street right to get to the park. Why don’t we check out Union Square since we’re here?”

“Sounds good.” They cross the street and spend the next half hour checking out Best Buy, Whole Foods, and a few other places while also stopping to take some pictures.

“Now I’m hungry.” Will looks down University Place. “Maybe we can find someplace to eat on our way to the park.”

“Lead the way.” Connor says as Will takes his hand. They headed down the street and see Vapiano’s on the corner of 13th Street and University Place.

“Pizza, Pasta, Bar.” Will reads the sign. “What do you think, babe?”

“Sounds good.” Connor affirms as they cross the street and head in. Vapiano’s is big and bright where you order your food at various stations and then pay before leaving.

Connor and Will grab a table by the window and sit next to each other. They share a small, 6-slice Margherita pizza and an order of raviolis, all of which is delicious. Throughout their meal, they kiss and touch each other affectionately, as do other straight and gay couples, and no one is even bothered. What a far cry from when they were at Bavette’s at home, life really is more open in New York City. Connor reluctantly lets Will pay for lunch, but not without protest.

“Thanks for lunch, baby.” Connor kisses Will. “But you will not pay for dinner, we’re at least going half.”

Will laughs. “Ok, babe.” He checks his watch. “It’s almost 1:30 so let’s go to the park and then head to the hotel.”

Connor smiles and takes Will’s hand as they walk down University Place. At first they’re not sure if they’re going the right way, but the street numbers are going down and after a few blocks, they come up on an NYU banner.

“Oh, there it is!” Connor points. They cross the street and enter the park.

Will looks around. “Wow, it’s so much nicer than the pictures you see online.”

Connor smiles listening to Will’s comments as they walk through the park. His appreciation for things like this is one of the many things Connor loves about him.

“Oh, look.” Connor points to the Triumphal Arch. “There’s the Triumphal Arch. It’s so cool.”  
Will looks up. “I read that they modeled it after the _Arc de Triumph_ in France and that it was built to commemorate 100 years since George Washington became president.”

“Look at my baby.” Connor smiles. “Dropping that knowledge.”

Will laughs and kisses Connor. “After the Paris attacks, they lit the arch up in the colors of the French flag to show support for and solidarity with France.”

“That's sweet.” Connor takes out his phone and takes a picture of the arch.

“Now we just have to find someone to take a picture of us.” Will looks around and approaches a middle aged woman. “Excuse me miss, would you mind please taking a picture of my boyfriend and I in front of the arch?”

“Not at all.” The woman takes Will’s phone with a smile and Connor and Will pose in front of the arch, each of them putting their hands on the bottoms of the other’s back.

“1, 2, 3.” A noise is heard signaling the woman took the picture.

“Can you take one more?” Connor asks.

“Sure.” The woman lifts up Will’s phone again and this time, Connor takes Will in his arms and brings him in close for a kiss.

“That was a great picture.” The woman says as she hands Will back his phone. “You guys are a very handsome, sweet couple. In a world filled with so much hate, we need more happy couples like you.”

Connor squeezes Will’s hand. “Thank you.”

The woman walks off and Will and Connor spend some more time walking around the park and checking out the surrounding area before they go back to their hotel.

“That was a great afternoon.” Will says as he closes the door to the hotel room.

“It was.” Connor checks. “And what do you know? It’s almost 3:30. Just enough time to shower and get ready.”

Will grins. “Are we going to shower alone or together?”

“As much as I’d love to shower together,” Connor looks into Will’s eyes. “It’s probably best if we do it separately so we can actually leave for the show on time.”

Will playfully rolls his eyes. “You’re right.”

“Come here.” Connor pulls Will close to him for a deep kiss. “We’re gonna have a wonderful night seeing _Hamilton_ and then we can come back here and make love all night.”

“You always know just what to say, baby.” Will gives Connor a small kiss before pulling away. “I call the shower first.”

“Hey.” Will runs into the bedroom laughing and Connor, also laughing, follows him.

A half hour later, Will is standing in the bedroom waiting for Connor to come out of the bathroom.

“Come on, babe.” Will calls checking himself in the mirror. “Let’s go.”

Connor walks into the room and is taken aback by how handsome Will looks. These dark colors, the little pocket square, it all just looks perfect. “I’m ready.”

Will turns around from the mirror and cannot help but smile when he sees his gorgeous boyfriend. The pattern on his shirt, the contrast of the light and dark blues, Connor really looks amazing.

“I know I’ve said this a lot,” Will says as they walk towards each other. “but damn babe, you look incredible tonight. That shirt really accentuates your body.”

“Thanks.” Connor puts his arms around Will’s waist. “You look amazing baby, I love the way these jeans fit you.”

Will blushes a little and puts his hand on Connor’s chest. “Would you look at that, we both have our top two buttons open.”

“What do you know?” Connor grins before kissing Will. “Let’s take a picture.”

Will nods as they both take out their phones. They put their hands around each other’s waists and take a picture on each of their phones.

“What should we hashtag it?” Will asks, looking up from phone. “#newyorkcity, #amazingweekend, #onourwaytoseehamilton, #boyfriends?”

“I like that.” Connor affirms as they post both the picture on their Facebook and Instagram accounts.

“So you ready to go, babe?” Will asks, checking his pocket to make sure he has his wallet.

“I am.” Connor puts his room keycard in his pocket. “We have to take the train at the corner of 8th Avenue to Port Authority and then walk a few blocks to the theater.”

“Let’s go.”

Grabbing hands, they walk out of their room and out of the hotel. They make a left towards the A/C/E/L train station on the corner of 14th Street & 8th Avenue and walk down into the train station. Nothing like a smelly, warm New York City train station.

They stand on the platform for about five minutes before the A train comes. Getting on, Will and Connor see that their train car is not very crowded and take a seat.

“We only have 3 stops.” Connor points to the map detailing the train route. “Then when we get off, we just have to walk 4 blocks to 46th Street and the theater is between 7th avenue and 8th avenue.”

“Good.” Will checks his watch. “It's only 10 after 4 so we should have plenty of time.”

Connor and Will sit back as the train stops at 14th Street and 34th Street. The train then stops at 42nd Street Port Authority Bus Terminal and the doors open.

“This is our stop.” Connor says as they get up and walk off the train and onto the platform. They pause to look at the signs and they follow the one that says ‘Towards 42nd Street.’

Following the signs, they emerge from the train station to the bustling street of 42nd and 8th Avenue.

“This way.” Connor motions with his head as Will follows him to the right.

The two of them walk four blocks to the right until they arrive at 46th Street and 8th Avenue. They make a right and about halfway down the block is the Richard Rodgers Theater. There’s a big marquee that says _Hamilton_.

“Here we are.” Will smiles and turns to Connor. “You ready, babe?”

“I am.” Connor smiles as he takes out their tickets and they walk into the theater, ready to continue their great weekend.

**Scene : New York City, 18th Street and 7th Avenue, 8:30 P.M.**

Connor and Will emerge from the train station.

“Now that was a crowded train.” Will says as they walk up the steps. “I don’t know how New Yorkers do that on a daily basis during rush hour, I could barely grab onto something to keep from falling.”

“I know, I guess the 1 train from Times Square is pretty busy.” Connor responds as they arrive at the top of the stairs and walk towards the corner. He reads the street sign, 18th Street and 7th Avenue. “Come on, this way while we have the light.”

Will follows Connor across the street and they make a right. Approaching Cafeteria on the corner of 17th Street and 7th Avenue, they see people eating outside and more people standing at the corner, most likely waiting for a table.

“Good thing we made a reservation.” Will looks around. “Come on, let’s go in.”

Will opens the door and Connor follows him inside where they walk up to the hostess. “Good evening, welcome to Cafeteria. How many?”

“Um, 2.” Will responds. “I made a reservation under Will Halstead.”

The hostess takes a minute to look at her list. “Ah, yes, here we are.” She looks up. “It’ll be about ten minutes. You can wait outside or at the bar, we’ll call you when you table’s ready.”

“Thanks.” Will and Connor head outside to wait.

Forty five minutes later, Connor and Will are sitting at a table towards the back of the restaurant near the stairs. While they don’t love being near the stairs that lead downstairs to the bathroom, Cafeteria is jammed so they’re happy that their table is a little bit out of the way so they’re not on top of anyone else and can actually hear each other. They shared the Old School Meatballs and the Mac & Cheese Spring Rolls for appetizer and are currently eating their entrees. Connor ordered the Harissa Roasted Chicken, which comes with shaved artichokes, reggiano Parmesan, and lemon truffle vinaigrette, and Will ordered the Grilled NY Sirloin, which comes with frizzled onions.

“How’s your steak, babe?” Connor asks.

“Delicious.” Will replies, sipping his martini. “They cooked it just right. How’s your chicken?”

“So good.” Connor replies as he wipes his mouth with his napkin. “This vinaigrette compliments it so well. Wanna try it, babe?”

“Sure, but only if you try my steak.”

“Deal.” Connor replies as they each cut a piece of their food and put it in the other’s dish.

“Mm, that steak is good. It has so much flavor.” Connor says in between bites.

“This chicken is delicious, I love the spices.”

Connor sips his martini and smiles. “Look at us, we’re such a normal couple. Out on a date after seeing a Broadway show.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Will smiles. “I’m really glad you planned this weekend for us babe, I loved _Hamilton_.”

“Me too.” Connor responds. “It was better than I ever thought it would be.” His phone beeps and he checks it. “My cousin John just commented on the picture we took outside the theater on Facebook. He says hi and he hopes we enjoyed _Hamilton_.”

“That’s nice,” Will eats a piece of his steak. “I have to thank your sister again when we get back for the tickets. Our orchestra seats were amazing.”

“They were. It was cool to be so close to the stage.”

Will’s phone vibrates and he picks it up to see a text from Jay. Smiling, he looks up at Connor. “My brother is glad we’re having such a great time and Erin thinks all of the pictures we’ve been posting are really sweet.”

Connor nods and takes a bite of his chicken. “You know babe, being here and seeing how open and accepting people in New York City are has made me think about something.”

“What’s that?” Will asks, looking up from his food while chewing.

“I want us to have a relationship where we’re able to be affectionate freely and be happy without worrying about hated and negativity.” Connor clears his throat. “Maybe we should move to New York City.”

Will practically chokes on his food and coughs as the food goes down the wrong pipe. He drinks his martini to help him get the food down. “Are you serious? Move here and leave Chicago?”

“I am.” Connor leans forward and grabs Will’s hand. “We’re so good together, Will, and I don’t ever want us to have to worry about dealing with situations like Bavette’s again. I know it does happen here, but it definitely happens less than in Chicago.”

Will smiles at Connor’s sincerity. Moving to New York City together would be a huge step, they haven’t even said I love you yet. But would moving to a new city be the right start to their lives together?

He is snapped out of his thoughts as Connor continues. “There’s a lot of great hospitals here that I’m sure we could get attending positions at. Just think about it.”

“I will.” Will replies, taking another sip of his martini. He loves that Connor is thinking about their future, Connor is always putting him and their relationship first, and Will loves that about him.

Twenty minutes later, Connor and Will have had coffee and are getting ready to leave.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom, babe.” Connor says putting his sport coat on. “I’ll meet you outside.”

“Ok.” Will replies as Connor heads down the stairs to the bathroom and Will walks towards the front door.

“Thank you, have a great night.” The hostess says.

“You, too.” Will replies, pushing the door open.

He walks past some people waiting for a table and stand on the corner out of the way. Pulling out his phone, he sees a text from Natalie.

 _Natalie: You guys look like you’re having so much fun in New York City, I’m jealous. I expect details, and a souvenir, when you get back._  

Will laughs as he hears a voice behind him. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Will Halstead.”

He turns around and is stunned to see Brian. Of course, just his luck to run into the guy he used to hide from how he felt for Connor the one weekend he is in New York City.

“Hi, Brian.” Will replies sheepishly. This is not what he expected.

“Look who blew in from the Windy City.” Brian says rudely. “I’m surprised you have the balls to show up in New York after what you did to me.”

“Do you think you own this city or something?” Will scoffs. “Such an inflated sense of self worth, I should’ve seen that when we dated. It's why I don't date younger guys.”

“I should’ve seen what a lying, manipulative asshole you were there.” Brian sneers. “What are you doing here anyway? Came here to gloat after blocking me on Facebook?”

“I’m here for the weekend with my boyfriend.” Will says proudly. “After I apologized profusely in response to your message, I blocked you because it’s best for both of us.”

“Oh, like when you used me?” Brian replies crudely. “That _really_ was best for both of us, Will.”

The door to Cafeteria opens and Connor walks out and over to Will. “Hey, babe.” He notices Brian. “Who's this?”

“I’m Brian.” Brian flatly states. Connor looks to Will for confirmation that this is who he thinks and upon Will’s nod, he puts his arm around Will.

“Nice to meet you, Brian.”

“I wish I could say the same.” He looks Connor up and down and shakes his head. “So this is the guy you used me as a placeholder for. He’s not nearly as hot as the guy I’m dating.” Brian turns his head and sees his boyfriend. “There he is now.”

Brian’s boyfriend walks over to them and Will’s eyes widen in shock.

_No, it can’t be. That…it just can’t be._

_**"James?!”**_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	39. New York: Big Lights Will Inspire You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : New York, outside Cafeteria at 17th Street and 7th Avenue (con’t)**

“James? _The_ James?” Connor asked, giving James a once over. He is tall and lightly tan with a muscular build, slightly spiky blonde hair, dark eyes and five o’clock shadow. All in all a good looking guy.

“You two know each other?” Brian asks, turning to James.

“Yeah.” James looks at Will. “Will and I dated in college.” He turns to Brian. “How do you two know each other?”

“Will and I dated before I left Chicago.” Brian replies.

“That makes us Eskimo brothers, babe.” James says with a laugh.

Brian tilts his head and laughs. “Haha, you’re right. At least we both had the sense to leave him when we did.”

Will stands there silently, listening to this exchange in shock. His two exes are dating, what are the odds of that?

Brian wraps his arms around James’ waist and turns to Will. “I see where you learned some of your moves, Will. James taught you well.”

Will's tempted to grab his stomach, starting to feel sick. He slept with them and now they’re sleeping with each other. Eskimo Brothers, _gross_. 

“Who are you?” James asks Connor.

“I’m Connor, Will’s boyfriend.” Connor extends his hand and James shakes it. “I’ve heard a lot about you, it’s nice to meet you.”

“You, too.” James turns to Will. “It’s been a long time Will, I never thought we’d see each other again like this.”

“Tell me about it.” Will sarcastically replies, still trying to grapple with what’s transpired in front of him.

“I can’t believe you let him go, Will.” Brian looks up at James. “James is an amazing guy.”

“Well, you know...” Will tries to find his words. “Life happens. How did you guys meet?”

“At a party last month.” Brian responds before James even has a chance. “I saw his handsome face across the room and I was drawn to him. We started talking and hit it off. James is smart and sweet and that body, it should be criminal to have such a sexy body.”

Will half-smiles, trying to contain the discomfort in his stomach.

“I heard about your mother, Will.” James says, trying to break the tension. “I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks.” Will says, looking at Connor. “As much fun as this has been…”

Brian cuts him off. “I should really be thanking you, Will. If you hadn’t been such a selfish asshole and used me like you did, I never would’ve moved here for work and met James. _He’s_ a real boyfriend, _he_ knows how to treat others with the respect and dignity they deserve.”  
He continues, a grin forming. “And man, he makes me squirm with pleasure, but I’m sure you remember.”

Will abruptly lets go of Connor’s hand. “I have to go.”

“Will.” Connor calls after him as he walks off. He turns back around to Brian and James. “You know Brian, you talk all this shit about Will, but you’re the one who’s acting like a child.”

“Do you have something to say to me?” Brian asks, walking closer to Connor.

“I just said it.” Connor sneers as he refuses to back down and stands toe-to-toe with Brian. “You play the high and mighty card because Will hurt you, but you’re just an immature jerk. An adult, someone who is able to take their pain and evolve because of it, wouldn’t take such cheap shots at someone they claimed to have once cared about. I see why you were just a placeholder, Will was waiting for a _real_ man.”

Brian balls his fist up in anger, trying to refrain himself from hitting Connor. “You think I’m scared of you, hot shot?”

“You should be.” Connor grits his teeth as his breathing intensifies. “I love Will and if you talk shit about him, you'll have me to answer to. So go ahead, take your best shot. I’ve taken on actual grown ups, I’m not scared of a coward like you.”

James grabs Brian’s arms and pulls him back. “Babe, stop. Go take a walk and calm down.”

Brian takes a deep breath and glares angrily at Connor. “You and Will deserve each other. Screw both of you, I hate you.”

He walks off and James looks at Connor. “I’m sorry about that. Brian can be a real hot head sometimes.”

Connor nods as he tries to calm his breathing. “It’s a good thing he has someone like you to keep him in check.”

James laughs. “Brian is a good guy, even if his temper gets the best of him sometimes. How long have you and Will been together?”

“About three months,” Connor replies, putting his hands in his pockets. “but it feels like much longer. Despite what Brian thinks, he’s a great guy. The best I’ve ever met.”

James smiles. “Will was always a special guy, I fell in love with him for a reason. I’m just sorry that it ended like it did between us. It took me a long time, too long actually, to realize that I had no reason to be angry at him for not moving with me. My acceptance to NYU Law was so last minute and Will was all set for med school, plus his mom was sick. I regret that he and I wasted our time together fighting and resenting each other.”

“It’s not my place to say, but I know that what happened with the two of you, even though it was five years ago, is still with him. I think he has regrets too.”

“I’m glad he found you, Connor.” James says sincerely. “I could tell from the way you defended him that you love him and I’m glad you can give Will the love that I was never able to.”

“Thanks, James.” Connor looks over his shoulder, wondering where Will went. “I should go find him.”

James pulls a business card out of his pocket and hands it to Connor. “I don’t know if he’ll call, but this is my business card. Cell number’s on the back, please tell Will that I’d like to clear the air before you guys go back to Chicago.”

“I will.” Connor puts the card in his pocket and extends his hand. “It was nice to finally meet you.”

“You, too.” James shakes his hand. “Have a good night.”

"Ditto."

Connor takes off down the block looking for Will. He walks about two blocks before finally seeing Will sitting on the curb.

“Hey.” Connor sits down next to him. “Are you alright, babe?”

“I don’t know.” Will shakes his head. “Seeing Brian again, seeing him with James, it was just too much. I mean, I slept with both of them and now they’re sleeping with each other. I feel disgusting.”

Connor puts his hand on Will’s back. “There’s no reason to feel disgusting. It’s just how it is, it’s beyond your control.”

Will turns to Connor. “My stomach was hurting, I felt like I was gonna be sick. I had to walk away to get it under control.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Connor rubs his back. “I know Brian being a jerk didn't help.”

Will shrugs. “I deserve it. I mean, the way I treated him, he had every right to talk to me that way.”

Connor looks at his boyfriend helplessly. “Come on, let’s go back to the hotel and get some rest.”

Will looks down at the ground. “You go, I’ll meet you there. I just need some time to think.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Connor insists. “We don’t have to talk, but I’m not leaving you.”

Connor grabs Will’s hand and upon squeezing it, Will lays his head on Connor’s shoulder taking comfort in his boyfriend’s presence. Is it any wonder why he loves Connor?

They sit like that for about a half hour before Will lifts his head from Connor’s shoulder finally speaking. “Do you think what Brian said about me is right? Is who I am a lying, manipulative asshole?”

“Oh, baby.” Connor turns to him. “Of course not. We all have those sides of us that we’re not proud of, I certainly do, but that’s not who you are. I know it sucks knowing what you did to Brian, but sometimes we have to carry around those regrets to make us better people.”

Will looks down at the sidewalk in shame. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Will, look at me.” Connor grabs Will’s face and looks into his eyes. “I am madly in love with you. When I look at you, I see this honest, sweet, vulnerable guy with a big heart and a lot to offer the world. Just like Diane was saying, I know exactly who you are, I’ve seen the good and the bad, and I love it all. I know it’s fast but it feels like we’ve already been through so much that falling in love with you has been beyond my control. You are the guy I dreamed my whole life about; someone real who isn’t afraid to show me who they are, flaws and all.”

Will looks into Connor’e eyes and sees the love. “I feel like we were destined to find each other. Like I’ve said before, we’re so good together because we’ve made similar mistakes in the past. We make each other better and we check each other so we don’t repeat those mistakes. I love you for exactly who you are, Will, and I don’t ever want you to think you don’t deserve me because you are _everything_ I ever dreamed about and more.”

Will smiles, choking back the emotion he feels building up. “I love you, too, Connor. All I’ve ever wanted is someone who would do anything to prove to me that they care and you’ve done that and more. It does feel fast, but it also doesn’t because everything we’ve been through, the good and the bad, has made us stronger and better. From day one, I knew you were special and falling in love with you has been the most natural thing ever. I am in love with everything you are, even the parts that aren’t so pretty. Since we’ve started dating, my life has been like a dream and I don’t want this dream to end because I don’t ever want to be without you.”

Connor leans in and passionately kisses Will. This is the moment they’ve both been waiting for and Diane was right, there is no better feeling that loving someone for exactly who they are and having them love you back.

They break their kiss and smile at each other, pressing their foreheads together.

“You will never be without me, Will, because I am never going anywhere without you. I promise.”

“I promise, too.”

“Are you ready to go back to the hotel now?” Connor asks, standing up.

“Yes.” Will extends his hand and Connor helps him. He puts his arm on Will’s back and they walk to their hotel.

After arriving back to their hotel, showering and changing into sleeping clothes, Connor and Will get into bed. Connor wraps his arms around Will’s waist, holding him tight, and Will snuggles into Connor’s embrace.

“I love you, Connor.” Will puts his hand on top of Connor’s.

“I love you too, Will.” Connor whispers into Will's ear.

Will smiles at the two of them drift off to sleep.

**Scene : Chelsea Pines Inn, The Next Morning (Sunday), 11 A.M.**

After spending a lazy morning in bed and having breakfast, Connor and Will have started packing to go home. Check out is at 3 P.M. and their flight is at 5 P.M.

“So then what happened?” Will asks, taking a seat on the sofa.

“Well, I got in Brian’s face and defended you, I couldn't just let him talk shit to you and about you without saying something.” Connor plops down next to Will. “He thought he was tough shit, but I wasn’t afraid. James stopped him though.”

“You’re so sweet, baby.” Will brushes his hand against Connor’s cheek. “Defending me even when I don’t deserve it.”

Connor rests his hand on Will’s outstretched arm. “That’s what you do for the people you love.”

Will looks at his boyfriend’s sweet face. “I wish we didn’t have to leave yet. This has been such a great trip. New York City is awesome, plus we finally said I love you.”

Connor shifts his weight. “I meant what I said, babe. We should move here.”

Will takes a deep breath. “I know and I’m not against the idea, I just have to think about it. Leaving Chicago, our family and friends, that’s a big step.”

“I know.” Connor rests his hand on Will’s knee. “There’s no rush.”

Will checks his watch. “I should get going, I’m meeting James in a half hour. Are you sure you don’t mind me going?”

“Of course not.” Connor affirms. “I gave you his card for a reason. James was very sincere when he told me that he feels bad about the way things went down with you guys. I think it’ll be good for you to finally clear the air and get closure with him, like I was able to with Jesse.”

Will puts his hand on Connor’s leg. “Thanks, babe. I don’t know how long I’ll be, but I’ll bring back lunch when I return.”

“Take your time.” Connor slumps into the couch, pouting playfully. “I’ll just be here, waiting for you to return.”

“Don’t worry, baby.” Will kisses him. “I'll be back soon.”

Connor lays back with a grin on his face. Last night may not have been perfect, but finally declaring their love has made this whole weekend even more special.

**Scene : Washington Square Park, 11:45 A.M.**

Will is sitting on a bench near the Triumphal Arch waiting for James to arrive. Looking around, he sees children playing, people walking by, tourists taking pictures. New York is such a lively city, there’s always so much going on, is it the kind of place he could be happy? Honestly, he could probably be happy anywhere with Connor, but leaving Jay, Erin, Natalie, and his life would be hard. Plus, moving together says a lot about the seriousness of their relationship, that's a big step.

Will looks over and sees James walking under the Triumphal Arch towards him.

“Hey.” Will stands up.

“Hey.” James responds. “Can we sit?”

“Sure.” They take a seat. “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for calling.” James crosses his legs. “I’m sorry that last night was the way we ran into each other for the first time in five years, that wasn’t how I wanted it to go.”

“Me, neither.” Will replies. “It was pretty shocking to see that you and Brian are together.”

James puts his hand up. “I had no idea you and Brian used to date. I never would’ve let last night happen if I had known. I was just as surprised as you were. Even more so when I saw how Brian was acting towards you.”

“I deserve it.” Will looks down. “I was selfish and I hurt him really bad. I feel awful and I’ve apologized, but Brian seems set on hating me.”

“I think it’s just from losing you. I know how much that hurts.” James says with a sweet smile. “I think he'll get over it with time.”

“Losing you really hurt me, too. Next to my mother’s death, it was the second hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.” Will swallows the lump in his throat. He never actually thought he’d be sitting in front of James saying all this. “I loved you so much, James, and I was devastated when you decided to move to New York for law school. I wanted to be supportive and happy for you, but instead I resented you for leaving me. I didn’t see it then, but I see now how wrong that was and I'm sorry. I regret that we spent the time we had left fighting. That was why I came to the airport the day you left, to try to bury the hatchet, but it was too late. You were my first love and I’ve never forgotten about you.”

“I’m the one who should apologize, Will.” James shifts so he is facing Will. “I got into NYU Law on graduation day and I just expected that you would follow me across the country. You had your future with med school all set up and your mom was sick, I should’ve understood that instead of unfairly resenting you. I also regret that we wasted the little time we had left fighting because I really loved you, too. It took me too long to realize all this and by then, it was too late.”

“I guess we were both in the wrong back then.” Will says, feeling the weight of everything he’s been carrying all these years finally starting to dissolve off his shoulders.

“I really am so sorry about your mom,” James puts his hand on Will’s shoulder. “I know how much you loved her and how long she struggled with her cancer. I planned on coming to her funeral, or at least reaching out to you when I found out, but I didn’t want to upend your life anymore than I already had.”

“Thanks.” Will half smiles. “I wish you had, but I understand.”

James taps his finger on the bench. “I’m really glad you called, Will. It’s good to see you again and to finally get closure.”

“It is.” Will nods affirmatively. James was always a sweet guy, but as Natalie said, he was just his first love.

“I’m also glad you found Connor.” James says genuinely. “I met him briefly, but he seems like a great guy. Very noble the way he stood up to Brian in your honor, he definitely loves you.”

“I’m quite lucky.” Will says with a smile. “He makes me very happy and I love him, too. After you, I never thought I’d find love again or even want to find love again, but Connor changed everything.”

“He’s a keeper.” James says as he stands up. “Hold onto him.”

“I will.” Will says, also standing up. “I hope you and Brian are happy.”

“Thanks.” James say, clearing his throat and gives Will's shoulder a squeeze. “Take care of yourself, Will.”

“You, too.” Will watches James walk off. Closure after five years, better late than never.

**Scene : Chelsea Pines Inn, 12:30 P.M.**

Connor is sitting in the living room of their suite using the computer. He’s perusing some apartment listings in New York City. Some are outrageously priced, some are moderately priced, and some are affordable. Some of the affordable ones are actually in good neighborhoods like Greenwich Village, Chelsea, and areas in Midtown. If he and Will did move here, their two salaries could get them a nice apartment and not leave them strapped for cash.

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the door. Connor quickly closes the browser and turns around to see Will walking in carrying a small white box.

“Hey, babe.” Connor gets up and walks over to him. “What’s in the box?”

“It’s a surprise, baby.” Will kisses him and puts the box down on the table. “I told you I’d bring back lunch and I didn't want us to leave without trying some authentic New York City pizza. So I passed a place on my way back and pick us up some.”

“Mmm, that smells good.” Connor takes a seat. “What kind of pizza did you get?”

“I got you a square and a marinara since I know they’re your favorite.” Will opens the box, which also contains napkins and plates. “And I got a regular and grandma for myself.”

“You’re always thinking of me. Thanks, babe.” Connor smiles at his boyfriend as he puts his pizza on plates.

Will grabs two waters out of the refrigerator and after giving Connor his, he joins him at the table.

“Is it still hot?” Will asks. “The place I went to was only a block away.”

“Yeah, it’s hot.” Connor takes a bite. “And wow, it is delicious.”

Will picks a piece of falling cheese off his slice and takes a bite. “Mm, you’re right. This pizza is so good.”

A few minutes later, they’re done with their pizza.

“So, baby.” Connor puts his hands on Will’s chest. “We have two hours until check out and we’re pretty much packed, what do you wanna do?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Will kisses Connor. “Let’s give that bed one final spin.”

They both laugh Will leads him by the hand to the bedroom.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 7:30 P.M.**

“Home sweet home.” Connor says, taking his key out of the door and dropping his bag on the floor.

“Cab’s all paid for.” Will walks in and closes the door behind him. “The driver didn’t even charge us extra for stopping at my place.”

“That was nice of him,” Connor picks up his bag and puts it on a chair in the living room. “I’m glad you agreed to stay here tonight.”

“After having you all to myself for two and a half days,” Will walks over to Connor. “you can’t get rid of me that easy.”

“I don’t want to, babe.” Connor wraps his arms around Will’s waist. “That’s why, like you did for me at your place, I cleaned out drawers and you’ve brought over stuff so you can spend the night whenever you want.”

“Oh, wait.” Will suddenly remembers. “Did you get the scrubs in my size?”

Connor nods. “I picked them up and put them with the rest of your stuff before we left.” He pulls Will close. “I love you, Will.”

“I love you, Connor.” Will grins. “That’s the first time we said that in Chicago.”

“I know.” Connor replies. “I didn’t wanna wait one more second before we said back home in Chicago.”

Will kisses him. “We both have a long day tomorrow and I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted. So let's shower and relax.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Connor picks up his bag. “Let me unpack and we can have a relaxing night.”

Will takes Connor’s hand and they walk into the other room. New York City was just the beginning of the adventures still to come for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	40. New Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, the next morning (9 A.M.)**

Connor, wearing a black t-shirt and sweatpants, is in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes from his and Will’s breakfast. Putting them in the sink, he turns the water on when he hears a knock at the door. Quickly drying his hands, he goes to answer it.

“Hey, Claire.” Connor ushers her inside. “What brings you by so early?” He closes the door and walks into the kitchen. “I figured you had work soon so I wanted to come see how your weekend was.”

She joins him in the kitchen. “I’d offer you some breakfast, but we just finished everything. Unless you want some coffee.”

“I’m good, thanks.” Claire takes a seat at the counter before doing a double take at her brother. “ _We_?”

“Hey babe, have you seen my watch?” Will walks into the kitchen clad in his scrubs.

Claire smiles, now knowing who we is. “Oh, hey, Claire.”

“Hey, Will.” She stands up to hug him. “It’s good to see you.”

“You, too.”

“I think I saw your watch on the nightstand in the bedroom.” Connor replies.

“Thanks.” Will disappears into the other room.

Claire grins at her brother. “So, are you guys living together now?”

“No.” Connor laughs, joining his sister at the counter. “Well, not technically. He’s left stuff here and I’ve left stuff at his place so we can spend as much time together as possible."

“I never thought I'd see you so domesticated.” Claire jokes.

“Funny.” Connor laughingly hits his sister's hand.

Will walks back into the kitchen. “Claire, I have to thank you again for those _Hamilton_ tickets.” He puts his hands on Connor's shoulder. “The seats were amazing, center orchestra, it was awesome being so close to the stage.”

Claire smiles. “My pleasure, I'm glad you guys enjoyed the show.”

Connor smiles as Will gathers his phone and keys. “I'll see you at work, I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.” Connor kisses him and notices Claire's grin out of the corner of his eye.

“Let's do dinner or maybe brunch soon, Claire.” He walks over to hug her.

“Sounds like a plan.” She hugs him.

“Bye.” Will walks out with a wave and Claire immediately turns to her brother.

“I can't believe you guys finally said I love you!” She beams with excitement. "This must've been the best weekend ever for you guys."

Connor laughs at her excitement as he tells her about their eventful weekend.

**Scene : Chicago Med 10 A.M.**

“Wait, so Brian is dating James?” Natalie asks in disbelief. She leans against the wall in the upstairs hallway as Will nods. “That is...that is crazy. What was it like to see James after all these years?”

“It was weird, especially under the circumstances.” Will responds. “But, I was glad that he and I finally got some closure considering how our relationship ended.”

“Do you think any of your old feelings have resurfaced?” Natalie curiously asks.

“A part of me will always love James because he was my first love, nothing will ever change that.” Will replies, crossing his arms over his chest. “I can't deny that he looked good, but seeing him again just reaffirmed that my heart lies with Connor.”

Natalie smiles. “I'm glad that some good come out of everything. I mean, it's about time you and Connor said I love you.”

Will laughs. “I can't even explain it, Natalie. That moment, to finally tell him I love him and to hear him say it back...it was the best moment of my life.”

“That's so sweet.” She beams. “As much as I know you guys butted heads at first, I honestly couldn't think of two people more perfect for each other.”

He smiles. “Thanks.”

Natalie checks her watch. "I have to go see if my test results are ready. Let me know if you and Connor wanna grab dinner later."

Will nods as Natalie walks off. He sees Cornelius walking down the hall and before he can walk away, he is seen. “Dr. Halstead.”

“Mr. Rhodes.” Will smiles politely to hide his nerves. Is Cornelius finally going to read him the riot act for the way he spoke to him the other day? “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yes.” Cornelius puts his phone in his jacket pocket. “I want to know how your weekend in New York City with my son was.”

“I, uh...” Will stammers. “How did you even know?”

“A family member let me use their Facebook account,” Cornelius casually replies. “your hotel room was gorgeous. And your seats for _Hamilton_ were fantastic, did you guys enjoy it?”

“We did, it was outstanding.” A puzzled Will replies. “I'm sorry, I'm confused. Are you asking about our weekend to use it against me somehow?”

Cornelius laughs. “Of course not, Dr. Halstead. Don't be ridiculous. You're dating my son so I just want to know if you guys had a good time.”

“So you're not mad at how I spoke to you last time?” Will sheepishly asks.

“I know what my son's told you about me, but I'm not as bad as he's made me out to be. Plus, the way you stood up to me took guts. Someone with the balls to do that deserves my respect.”

“Um, thank you.” Will replies, unsure if that's even the right thing to say.

Cornelius pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I have a meeting, but we'll continue this soon, Dr. Halstead.”

He walks off leaving a confused Will standing there. Did he actually get through to Connor's dad?

**Scene : Chicago Med, 5 P.M.**

Connor walks out of the break room and sees that Ethan, Natalie, Will, Maggie, April, Dr. Charles and a few other staff members are gathered around the front desk.

“Did I miss anything?” Connor asks, walking over to Will.

“No, we're still waiting on Goodwin and your dad.” Will replies, turning to face his boyfriend.

Connor nods, wondering what announcement they called everyone together to make.

“Hi everyone.” Goodwin says as she and Cornelius emerge from around the corner. “Thank you for coming.”

“As you all know by now,” Cornelius starts. “I've taken control of the hospital board as chairman and have begun instituting my plan for changes to the hospital. Part of that plan includes a board appointed liaison to work alongside Ms. Goodwin as she runs the hospital.”

“I thought that's what you were doing.” Connor challenges his dad, crossing his arms over his chest.

Cornelius chuckles, amused by his son's attempt to challenge him. “Ms. Goodwin deals with the day to day hospital operations while I am responsible for the overall functioning and answering to donors. So, the other board members and myself have appointed a liaison to work alongside Ms. Goodwin as she handles the day to day stuff.”

The elevator doors open and out walks a very handsome man wearing a well tailored gray suit. He is tan and tall with a medium-length black hair, black eyes, and a slight beard. The outline of a well defined body can be seen through his suit.

He walks over to Cornelius and Ms. Goodwin. “Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Kevin Hayes.”

“It's nice to meet all of you.” Kevin smiles politely, showing his sparkling white teeth. “I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you as I work with Ms. Goodwin to run the hospital.”

"For those of you who don't know," Cornelius informs the staff. “My new office is next to Ms. Goodwin's and Kevin will be working out of there. So from now, you can go to Kevin with the same questions and issues you would go to Ms. Goodwin about.” He puts his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "The hospital will be in good hands with you and Ms. Goodwin at the helm."

Goodwin smiles as a way to hide her disgust, the last thing she needs is some young Cornelius approved guy breathing down her neck and scrutinizing all her decisions and actions. But if she wants to keep her job, she has to learn to deal with this new reality.

“Come on, Kevin.” Cornelius addresses him. “Let me give you a tour.” He turns to the staff. “You're all dismissed, get back to work.”

Connor grimaces at his father's rude attitude as he and Will walk into the break room and Natalie remains at the front desk looking over some papers.

“One second,” Kevin turns to Cornelius. “I'll meet you upstairs, Mr. Rhodes.”

Cornelius nods as Kevin walks over to Natalie. “I'm sorry to disturb you.” She looks up at him. “I just have to say that you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on. Before I can do anything else, I must know your name.”

“Oh, that's so sweet, thank you.” Natalie replies, flattered by the compliment from this handsome man. “I'm Natalie Manning, Dr. Natalie Manning.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Natalie.” Kevin reaches for her hand and kisses it. “Without a doubt, you are the most beautiful doctor in this hospital.”

Natalie blushes. “Thank you, Kevin.”

“My pleasure,” Kevin says, letting go of her hand. “I look forward to being graced by your presence again very soon.”

Kevin walks away as Natalie cannot contain her excitement. The handsome new guy has a crush her, he's certainly an upgrade from the guys that usually hit on her.

Back in the break room, Connor is standing by the window having seen the entire exchange between Natalie and Kevin.

“Kevin just hit on Natalie.” Connor informs his boyfriend. “I saw him kiss her hand.”

“Are you jealous, baby?” Will asks, trying to hide a smile by wrapping his arms around Connor's waist. “After all, he is handsome. Do you want him to be hitting on you instead of Natalie?”

Connor intertwines their fingers and sweetly responds. “He's not nearly as handsome as Will Halstead. That's the only guy I have any interest in and it just so happens that I'm lucky enough that he's as much in love with me as I am with him.”

Will smiles at Connor's response and kisses his cheek. “Then what's wrong? Kevin seems nice enough, maybe he could be good for Natalie.”

“I don't know.” Connor hesitantly replies. “I just...there's something about Kevin that isn't sitting right with me. Like he seems phony... and did you see how chummy he was with my dad? That's never a good sign.”

“You just met him, give him a chance, babe." Will reasons. “Get to know Kevin before you judge him.”

Connor nods and leans into his boyfriend's embrace, hoping he's wrong about Kevin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	41. Blood Always Comes First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, Three Days Later (Thursday), 8 A.M.**

Connor is laying in bed with Will’s head on his chest, perfectly content watching him sleep. They’ve spent every night together since they got back from New York City, which has felt so completely natural. He doesn't want to push it, but this could be the beginning of a long and happy future for them.

“Good morning.” A groggy Will looks up at Connor. “How long have you been up, babe?”

“Only a few minutes.” Connor replies as Will sits up to rub the sleep out of his eyes, reminding him of an adorable yet tired puppy waking up from a pleasant dream. “Just been watching my beautiful boyfriend sleep.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet baby.” Will kisses him. “I’ve loved waking up next to you this week.”

“Me too, babe.” Connor smiles, sitting up. “I was actually thinking about Dr. Perrington and Dr. Downey while I was watching you sleep.”

“Boy, you sure know how to turn a guy on.” Will jokes, making both of them to laugh.

“Very funny.” Connor lightly jabs him in the ribs. “But in all seriousness, you know that I’m angry at how she spoke to you and basically said she’d ensure you don’t get at attending job.”

“I know, babe.” Will rubs Connor’s shoulder. “Just like I’m angry at how deplorably Dr. Downey treated you. That’s why I tried to talk to him to get him to change his mind or at least admit the truth about what he did, but he was too smart to say anything for me to record. Honestly, I think it’s just best that we leave well enough alone. Let’s both finish our residencies and then we can find attending jobs at another hospital. Even if that means moving to New York City.”

Connor’s face lights up. “You really want to move to New York City?”

“I’ve been thinking about it.” Will reaches for Connor’s hand. “As much as I don’t want to leave our families and our lives, it might be the fresh start we need. Of course it’s something we’d have to figure out and discuss further.”

“Of course,” Connor smiles, rubbing his fingers along the palm of Will’s hand. “but you know his homophobia and her attitude shouldn’t just be swept under the rug regardless of whether or not we stay in Chicago. If we do end up staying, we can’t let them keep us from staying at Chicago Med. Dr. Downey might be too smart to admit what he did knowing we might record it, but maybe we can get Dr. Perrington to. I have an idea.”

“I’m all ears.” Will smiles at his thoughtful boyfriend who is always looking out for and protecting him.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 11 A.M.**

Connor is standing at the front desk doing some paperwork when, right on schedule, Dr. Perrington walks by.

“Dr. Perrington.” Connor calls, which causes her to stop in her tracks..

“Hi, Dr. Rhodes,” Dr. Perrington turns around. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, you can.” Connor responds, walking from behind the front desk. “I want to talk to you  
about what happened with Will.”

Dr. Perrington rolls her eyes. “He might be your boyfriend, but that really is none of your business. Don’t get involved in things that don’t regard you, Dr. Rhodes.”

She turns on her heels to walk off, but a peeved Connor follows her into one of the empty treatment rooms.

Looking up, she laughs. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t give up that easy.”

“I’m a Rhodes, we never give up.” Connor affirms, crossing his arms over his chest. “Especially when it comes to the people we love. That’s why what happened with you and Will _is_ my business.”

“You have the same sense of entitlement Will does.” Dr. Perrington scoffs. “You two are perfect for each other.”

“You can’t keep Will from getting an attending job here just because you’re angry that he questioned you.”

“Watch me.” Dr. Perrington challenges. “I’m on the hiring committee and no resident who challenges an attending has any business working here. I’m going to make sure of it.”

“Your delusional ass really thinks you have the power to stop that, don’t you?” Connor mocks. “You’re the one with the sense of entitlement, not Will. You’re but one voice on the hiring committee, not the be-all and end-all.”

“You made a mistake by making an enemy of me, Dr. Rhodes.” Dr. Perrington grits her teeth, walking closer to him. “I’m going to make sure you don’t get hired for an attending position here, either. The hospital will thank me for keeping two disgusting fags off the staff.”

Taken aback, Connor shakes his head. “So in addition to having a terrible attitude, you’re also homophobic. You’re just as ugly on the inside as you are on the outside, you must never get laid.”

“You son of a bitch.” Dr. Perrington snarls. “Fags like you and your boyfriend are a disgrace to this world. Chicago Med won’t be subjected to the shame of having two gays that engage in sinful sodomy on its staff, I will ensure that.”

“We’ll see about that.” Connor huffs angrily as he turns around to walk out. Smiling a self-satisfied smile, he steps out of the treatment room. “Got you.”

Scene: Chicago Med, 1 P.M.

Will is sitting in the break room having lunch when the door opens and Natalie walks in.

“Hey, Will.” She greets him with a big smile. “Having lunch without your boyfriend today?”

“He’s taking care of something.” Will replies as she joins him at the table. “You look happy. What’s up?”

“I had lunch with Kevin.” Natalie beams, unable to contain her excitement. “And let me tell you, in addition to being handsome, he’s chivalrous, polite, sweet, and thoughtful. Every time he talks to me, he makes me feel so special.”

“You sound like quite the smitten kitten.” Will jokes with a laugh.

“Haha,” Natalie mockingly laughs, lighting hitting his hand. “Kevin’s the first guy who’s taken an interest in me since Jeff died that's not an immature child. He’s actually an adult with a career, goals, and values.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that, Natalie. It’s about time you find someone worthy of dating you. Although isn’t it a little tricky to date someone who is your supervisor?”

“Thanks.” Natalie responds with a smile. “Also, we’re not technically dating. We just had coffee yesterday and lunch today. If things do go further, we can always figure it out. I have a good feeling about Kevin.”

Will smiles, happy that Natalie might finally be moving on.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 4 P.M.**

There is a knock on Goodwin’s door. “Come in.”

Dr. Perrington opens the door and enters to see Goodwin and Cornelius. “You wanted to see me, Ms. Goodwin.”

“Actually,” Cornelius corrects her. “we _both_ wanted to see you.”

“Please, have a seat.” Goodwin instructs as Dr. Perrington walks further into the office.

Dr. Perrington takes a seat, unsure of what’s going on. “How come you guys called me here? Is something wrong?”

Goodwin takes a deep breath. “As a matter of fact, there is.” She hits ‘play’ on her phone, which is sitting on the desk, and audio can be heard from Dr. Perrington’s conversation with Connor earlier. **You made a mistake by making an enemy of me, Dr. Rhodes. I’m going to make sure you don’t get hired for an attending position here either. The hospital will thank me for keeping two disgusting fags off the staff.**

Dr. Perrington’s eyes widen in horror. That conniving little prick Connor recorded her, fuck.

“And that’s just one part,” Goodwin informs her, stopping the audio. “we have your entire conversation with Dr. Rhodes.”

“I can explain…” Dr. Perrington nervously starts.

“Don’t bother.” Cornelius sternly tells her. “This audio is self-explanatory. The only thing that needs to be explained is how someone like you has been allowed to remain at Chicago Med as long as you have. Your attitude…”

“This isn’t fair, I can’t even defend myself!” shouts Dr. Perrington, who immediately regrets it when she sees Cornelius’ face contort.

“Silence!” shouts an infuriated Cornelius, putting his hand up. “You have some balls to interrupt me. I am the chairman of the hospital board, not some random co-worker you talk shit about.”

Dr. Perrington looks down, knowing that this is not going to go well. That Connor, what a jerk.

“I’m also the father of the doctor you were trash talking,” Cornelius continues, rage evident in his voice. “Like my son said, we’re Rhodes and Rhodes stand up for the people we love.”

Dr. Perrington starts to speak, but Cornelius cuts her off.

“You will not say another word.” Cornelius angrily goes on. “I am appalled that a member of this hospital staff has such a horrible attitude and talks to & treats co-workers so terribly. My son was right, you really do have a sense of entitlement if you think that your one lone voice on the hiring committee gives you the power to prevent people from getting hired. You are as insignificant as an ant when it comes to the hiring because the decisions ultimately lie with Ms. Goodwin and myself. We control the hiring, not you, and you are delusional if you think otherwise. You can pretend that your opinion matters, but for you threatening to use your ineffective voice as a way to act on personal vendettas…that is just pathetic.”

She looks to Goodwin for help as Corenlius reads her the riot act, but Goodwin refuses to meet Dr. Perrington’s gaze.

“And then,” Cornelius grits his teeth. “the hateful and homophobic comments you made about two of your co-workers are inexcusable and unacceptable, no matter who they are. The fact that it just so happens to my son and his boyfriend makes it worse for you because I love my son and I will never allow anyone speak about him or the man he loves that way without answering to me. You are a despicable, disgraceful human being for making such offensive remarks about your fellow colleagues, and fellow humans for that matter, just because they happen to be gay. We’re all the same underneath it all and you are no better than my son and his boyfriend because you’re straight. If this was another country, I’d make sure you were brought on hate speech charges. ”

“So, what?” Dr. Perrington scoffs. “I’m off the hiring committee? Is that it?”

“Oh, that is _far_ from it,” Cornelius mocks as he shakes his head. “I presented the audio to the hospital board and effective immediately, you are fired Dr. Perrington.”

“What?!” cries an outraged Dr. Perrington as she bolts out of her seat. “You can’t do that!”

“Oh, I can and I did,” Corenlius smirks. “The hospital board voted and the decision to fire you was unanimous. Chicago Med promotes tolerance, acceptance and equality, and after hearing that audio, the rest of the board and myself all agreed that you are antithetical to that and have no place on the staff.”

“Ms. Goodwin,” Dr. Perrington looks at her, pleadingly. “You have to help me.”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Perrington,” Goodwin responds, keeping her composure. “But I agree with their decision. There is so much hate and judgement in the world and none of that has any place here. This hospital has to be a safe place, where everyone is treated equally regardless of sexual orientation, and we can’t allow you to stay on when you don’t share that belief.”

Dr. Perrington shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this.”

“There will be a guard waiting for you outside the office, he will follow as you gather your stuff and then escort you out of the hospital.” Cornelius informs her. “Once you are escorted out, you will no longer be allowed back in the hospital and you will be arrested for trespassing if you ever try. Also, I’d recommend you look outside of Chicago for a new job because I’ve already put the word out to the other hospitals about who you really are.”

Dr. Perrington sneers. “You're just as self-righteous as your son.”

Cornelius grins as he looks up from his phone. “The guard is waiting for you so you can go now. Oh, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, Dr. Perrington.”

Dr. Perrington dejectedly turns around and walks out of the office. Upon hearing the door close, Cornelius turns to Goodwin. “Thank you for your support, Ms. Goodwin. I appreciate what you said about agreeing with our decision, it was important to present a united front.”

“Believe it or not,” Goodwin replies. “after seeing what I just saw, maybe you being the chairman isn’t the worst thing that could have happened to the hospital. I never expected you to respond like that, or take the audio to the board, after I told you what Connor disclosed to me about Dr. Perrington and Dr, Downey.”

“He’s my son, Sharon.” Cornelius softly responds. “Blood always comes first. An attack on him, on who he is, or someone he loves like Will, is personal to me. I will always do what is necessary to protect and defend my family.”

Goodwin smiles. “Maybe I was wrong about you.”

Cornelius chuckles. “I hope I keep proving to you that I’m not as bad as you think.” He walks towards the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s one more thing I have to take care of.”

She nods as Cornelius walks out of her office. Cornelius Rhodes, a decent person and father, who knew?

Exiting Goodwin's office, Cornelius walks towards the elevator. Getting on when it arrives, he taps his foot anxiously waiting to get to his destination. Finally arriving, he quickly exits and makes a right, heading to his final stop of the day.

“Mr. Rhodes,” Dr. Downey stands up as he enters his office. “What a nice surprise, what brings you by?”

"You listen to me," Cornelius sneers, putting his finger up. “I know what you said to my son and why you stopped working with him.”

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Dr. Downey replies cockily. "Besides, it's not like you can prove anything."

“Why, you son of a bitch.” Cornelius snarls and walks up to stand toe to toe with him. “I may not be able to prove that you stopped working with my son because you're a homophobe or that you made hateful comments about him being gay and dating a guy, but I know the truth.”

“And what?” Dr. Downey retorts. “What are you gonna do? I'm no more scared of you than I am of your little fag of a son, your threats are as empty as his.”

An enraged Cornelius pushes Dr. Downey against the wall and grabs his throat. “Don't get it twisted, old man. No one likes you and the only reason you still work here is because people respect you. From this moment on, I will be watching everything you do and I will find a reason to fire you. A hateful, judgmental prick like you will slip up or say the wrong thing and I will be there to kick you out on your ass.”

Cornelius loosens his grip on Dr. Downey's throat as he continues. “Also, let me be very clear: if you ever speak that way about or to my son or his boyfriend again, you will have me to answer to. That hate and disrespect for my flesh and blood does not fly so try me and I promise that you _will_ be sorry. Oh, and you should be scared, because I am the chairman of the hospital board and one of the most powerful businessmen in Chicago, so my threats are far from empty.”

He releases Dr. Downey and takes a step back to compose himself. “I've got my eye on you and I look forward to the day I can rid you from this hospital, Dr. Downey.”

Cornelius confidently turns around and walks out leaving a stunned Dr. Downey standing there. Connor might not be a serious threat, but his dad certainly is.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	42. You've Opened My Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Will's Apartment, Four Days Later (Monday), 9 A.M.**

“Wait, so Connor's dad stood up for both you and Connor?” Jay asks in disbelief.

“Yes,” Will responds, sipping his coffee. “Goodwin wouldn't say much, but apparently he really laid into Dr. Perrington.”

“So,” Jay takes a bite of his bagel. “does that mean he's supportive of your relationship?”

Will shakes his head. “Honestly, Jay, I have no idea. From what he did and the things he's said to me, it seems like he is, but Connor thinks it's all an act.”

“What do you mean?” Jay inquires curiously.

“He thinks his dad is just playing me and trying to find a way to get back into his good graces for some unknown reason,” Will explains “I get why Connor believes that, but...I don't know, his dad actually seems sincere to me.”

“People do change.” Jay sits back. “Maybe Connor's dad has actually changed.”

“He invited me to lunch today,” Will takes a sip of his coffee. “says he wants to get to know me better. So maybe I'll be able to get a better read on everything.”

Jay nods. “I’m sure you will, you’re very perceptive.”

“Do you ever...” Will leans forward, hesitating. “…think about Dad?”

“Why would I think about Dad?” Jay scrunches his face. “It's been almost two years since we last saw or spoke to him.”

“I know,” Will looks down into his coffee cup. “but with everything going on with Connor's dad, it makes me wonder what our dad is up to and how he is. I wish things could've been different so he could still be part of our lives.”

“Trust me, Will,” Jay says, trying to reassure his brother. “we are much better off without him, all we need is each other. Plus, you have Connor and I have Erin, in addition to our friends. No good would come from having that asshole we call a dad in our lives.”

“I know.” Will sadly affirms. “Sometimes it just feels like we lost both of our parents.”

“Hey,” Jay touches Will's hand. “I love you, little brother. You and I are the only family we need.”

“I love you too, Jay.” He chuckles. “Wow, I can't remember the last time you called me little brother.”

“Haha.” Jay laughs. “I just want you to remember that as your big brother, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.”

“That works both ways," Will affirms, as he finishes his cereal. “but, you're right. No good would come from having dad in our lives. And we both know he'd never accept me being gay.”

“Well,” Jay sips his coffee. “there's certainly enough intolerance out there and having extra from Dad would just make it worse. You need, and most certainly deserve, the freedom to be who you are and to love Connor without fear.”

“Thanks, Jay.” Will smiles. “What do you think Mom would say about my being gay?”

“I think she'd be as proud as I am of you for walking in your truth and owning who you are.” Jay replies, slapping his brother on the back. “Mom was always very open-minded and I think she'd just be happy that you're happy and found love. Regardless of the fact that it's with a guy.”

“Plus,” Jay continues. “I think Mom would also really like Connor. Someone who cherishes her son as much as she did both of us, that's all she would've ever wanted. Connor certainly fits that bill.”

“So does Erin. We got lucky with the people we fell in love with, didn't we?”

“Absolutely.” Jay responds with a nod. “I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Erin, and I have a feeling that you and Connor are in it for the long haul too.”

“I sure hope so." Will takes a deep breath. “You know, Mother's Day is coming up and I was thinking that maybe we could do something with Connor and his sister in honor of our mothers.”

“That sounds like a great idea.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, 11 A.M.**

Standing outside his father's office, Connor hesitantly knocks on the door.

“Come in.” calls a voice from the other side.

Opening the door, Connor sees Kevin sitting at his desk. “Dr. Rhodes, hi. How can I help you?”

Connor closes the door. “I was actually looking for my dad. Do you know where he is?”

“He's in a meeting upstairs,” Kevin responds, putting his pen down. “I don't know how long he'll be. Is there something I can help you with?”

“No,” Connor flatly states, turning back towards the door. “I'll just come back to see my dad later, thanks.”

“Wait, Dr. Rhodes.” Kevin calls, standing up.

Hand on the doorknob, Connor turns around. “Look, Dr. Rhodes, I get the feeling that you don't like me for some reason. When we all went to Molly's over the weekend, you seemed to avoid me at all costs. Have I done something to offend you?”

“No.” Connor hesitates. “I just...I don't know, Kevin. To be honest, something about you doesn't seem right to me.”

“How so?” Kevin asks, walking from behind his desk.

“I can't put my finger on it.” Connor puts his hands in his pockets. “You just seem so put on to me, I don't feel any sincerity from you. Plus, you're chummy with my dad and considering what he's like, I can only imagine you have the same selfish qualities he does.”

“I'm sorry you feel that way, Dr. Rhodes.” Kevin leans against his desk.”"If you'll give me a chance, I'd like to change your mind about me. I'm obviously new here and I want to have a good relationship with the staff, including you. How about we grab lunch and you give me a chance to prove that you're wrong about me?”

Connor considers this for a second, this is the first time he’s sensed any sincerity from Kevin. “Fine. I can take lunch in about an hour.”

“Great.” Kevin smiles as he walks back behind his back. “I think we're gonna be good friends.”

Connor half-smiles. One lunch can't hurt, right?

**Scene : Chicago Med, Employee Lounge, 1 P.M.**

“Thank you for joining me for lunch, Dr. Halstead.” Cornelius takes a seat at the table, which has containers of food on it. “I hope you don't mind eating in here, but I have to run to a meeting as soon as we're finished.”

“Not at all,” Will sits down and reaches for his wallet. “What do I owe you for my food?”

“Don't be silly.” Cornelius gestures with his hand. “Your money's not good here, this is on me.”

Will puts his wallet away. “Thank you.”

Cornelius smiles politely and passes over his container of food. “I hope they cooked your burger the right way, I told them well done.”

“It looks good.” Will says, examining his burger after taking a bite. “As long as it doesn't look like it's bleeding, I'm good.”

Cornelius laughs and takes a bite of his chicken sandwich. "So tell me, Dr. Halstead, what were your parents like?"

“My mom was very sweet and warm, but unfortunately struggled with cancer and died a few years ago.” Will replies, taking a sip of his soda as he tries to contain the emotion talking about his mother brings up. “Her death was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and I never would've gotten through it without my brother.”

“I'm so sorry to hear that,” Cornelius replies frowning. “I know how much my wife's death affected Connor and Claire, so I can only imagine how hard it was to lose your mom. It's good that you had your brother. He's a police officer, right?”

“Yes. He works with the Intelligence Unit out of the 21st District. Jay's always been my rock and even though he's older by a few years, we've always been close.”

“What about your dad?” Cornelius inquires, eating an onion ring. “If I'm being too personal, I apologize. I just...I want to get to know the guy my son is so clearly in love with.”

Will smiles, sensing his sincerity. “It's ok.” He takes a deep breath. “My dad wasn't around that much when my brother and I were growing up. He was a Corrections Officer who drowned his sorrows in alcohol. My mom, my brother, and I were the people he yelled at to vent his work frustrations when he was drunk. We were never close, he was so different than me and my brother and we just never connected.”

“Sounds like me and Connor.” Cornelius says sadly. “You guys must have really bonded over your crappy fathers.”

Will is caught off guard by Cornelius' statement. Perhaps he is more aware of his shortcomings than anyone realized.

Cornelius leans forward. “I know that I made so many mistakes over the years while Connor was growing up. I put work and making money before my family and I never really bonded with Connor.”

He sighs. “I regret that I never really took the time to get to know my son. And I _really_ regret how horribly I reacted when he told me he's gay. I know you might not believe me, I know Connor doesn't, but I really do love him. Honestly, I'm proud of the man he's become.”

“I don't want this to come off the wrong way,” Will hesitates, but continues as he is curious to hear the answer. “but what caused the change? At the donor's dinner, you were bad mouthing Connor for being gay and now you're saying you regret it. Also, you fired Dr. Perrington for making homophobic remarks about the two of us.”

“You did, Dr. Halstead.” Cornelius replies, looking right at him. “In the last 2 weeks since I've become the chairman and have been at the hospital a lot, I've seen how happy Connor has been. He has this cheerful attitude, he laughs, and is in high spirits all because of you. Seeing that made me realize how wrong I've been. I was foolish enough to think only a girl could be responsible for that and I am ashamed that my eyes were so blinded that I couldn't understand that love transcends gender. I've seen the pictures you two have posted on Facebook and Connor is smiling like I've never seen in every single one of them. Those pictures are evidence of the life you two are sharing and the memories you are creating and I know from being with my wife how beautiful that is. So as his father, I am grateful to you for being so good to my son.”

He clears his throat and continues. “It's also very clear from seeing you two together and from your pictures that you love him and that he loves you. Anyone who loves my son, guy or girl, deserves my respect. You've changed his life, Dr. Halstead, and you've opened my eyes to the fact that all love is equal. Plus, it took a lot of guts to stand up to me like you did in Connor's honor and all I could ever hope is for my son to wind up with someone like that who will always defend and protect him.”

Will sits back, completely taken aback and searching for the right thing to say. “I, uh...thank you.”

“No,” Cornelius shakes his head and smiles. “thank _you_ , Dr. Halstead.”

Will smiles, unable to contain the joy he feels inside. He is the reason Cornelius came around, who ever would've thought it was possible?

**Scene : Chicago Med, 6 P.M.**

Connor walks out of the hospital with his bag slung over his shoulder and sees his cousin John waiting for him.

“There’s my favorite cousin!" John smiles as Connor walks over. Well, one of my two favorite cousins. I wouldn’t want Claire to think she’s not one of my favorites too.”

They both laugh and hug. “Thanks for coming to pick me up, I drove in with Will and he left to go meet his brother, plus Claire’s still working.”

“Of course, I’m happy to give you a ride and to see you, too.” John smiles. “Derek’s working late so I was wondering if you’d wanna grab something to eat.”

“That sounds good.” Connor replies as they walk towards John’s car. “How is Derek?”

“He’s good.” John turns to look at his cousin. “His architecture firm just got a new contract to design some buildings downtown so he’s been busy with that.”

“An architect and a lawyer.” Connor jokes. “You guys are quite the power couple.”

“Haha.” John mocks as he playfully shoves Connor. “Our two year wedding anniversary is this month, I can’t believe how fast two years have gone.”

“How long did you and Derek go out before you got engaged?” Connor inquires, leaning on the roof of John’s car.

“Um, almost a year,” John grins. “Why, are you planning on proposing to Will?”

“No…not yet, anyway.” Connor laughs. “This is my second serious relationship and I actually feel like Will and I could have a future so I just…I don’t wanna mess it up or take things too fast.”

“If you want my advice.” John takes the alarm off his car.

“Please.”

“Just take things on step at a time,” John puts his hand on the door handle. “Slow and steady wins the race as they say. There’s no rush, go at a pace that feels comfortable and natural. Also, trust how you feel.”

“I’ll remember that, thanks.” Connor throws his bag on the seat.

John opens the car door. “Now let’s go, I’m starving.”

Connor smiles and gets into the car. He’s glad to have John back in his life, he understands him a way that his sister, as much as he loves her, just can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	43. I've Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/. This is where I have my dream actors/actresses for the new characters in my story and there will be other Pinterests boards coming soon, I think they're a great way to share with you guys my visualizations for the story.

**Scene : Chicago Med, one week later (Monday), 1 P.M.**

“Thanks for joining me for lunch, guys.” Kevin says to Will and Connor as the three of them walk towards the hospital's back entrance. “I want you and everyone else to see me as more than just a supervisor, I hope we can be friends.”

“I think we already are.” Will slaps Kevin on the back in response. “If you keep coming through with those Cubs tickets, you won't be able to get rid of us.”

Kevin laughs. “The game was good the other night, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it.”

Connor gives his best fake smile, hoping neither Will nor Kevin can see through it. Kevin's been hanging out with him and Will both inside and outside of work and while he has grown on Connor, there's still something about Kevin that doesn't sit right with him.

“I gotta run in and go to a meeting,” Kevin checks his watch. “I'll catch you guys later.”

They nod as Kevin walks off with a small wave. “I'm happy you're giving Kevin a chance, babe. He's a nice guy.”

“He is.” Connor affirms, trying to hide his feelings. “Don't forget that I'm babysitting Owen tonight so Natalie can go on her date with Kevin. I owe her for when she covered for me when we went to NYC.”

“Right,” Will turns towards his boyfriend. “I'll come by after I go see Jay.”

“Is everything ok?” A concerned Connor asks.

“Yeah, it's just…Jay called me this morning and was saying how sad he is that our mom isn't here as he prepares to propose to Erin. I think celebrating Mother's Day with you and Claire yesterday and talking about our moms brought that on so I'm just gonna go check on him after work.”

Before Connor can reply, a voice from behind calls to them. “Connor, Will.”

They turn around and see Connor's dad walking towards them.

_Ugh, what could my dad want?_

“Gentlemen.” Cornelius greets them as he walks up to them. “Just who I was looking for.”

Connor makes a face of disgust and Will faces Cornelius. “How can we help you, Mr. Rhodes?”

“Your mother’s birthday is coming up,” Cornelius looks at Connor putting his hands in his pockets. “I'm thinking of having a memorial at the church she used to go and I'm hoping you'll both come. I asked Claire too and am waiting to hear back.”

“I'm sorry,” Connor puts his hand up. “You're inviting me and Claire to a memorial in honor of _our_ mother?”

“It's not like that.” Cornelius tries to reason. “The church won't host the memorial if it's just me. I know how much your mom loved that church, she found solace there in her final days, and I was hoping it would be a way for us to reconnect as a family. Put aside all this bad blood between us and start fresh.”

“There's no starting fresh with you,” Connor scowls. “I don't buy this whole act changed man act that you're putting on.”

Cornelius shakes his head. “Connor, it's not an act. I want us to be a family. I miss you and your sister and I want to be in your lives again. You're my son, I love you.”

“Save the sentimental bullshit because I am not falling for anymore of your tricks!” Connor shouts angrily. “Just because you got rid of Dr. Perrington doesn't meant you've changed. I know you too well.”

“Son...”

“Save it, I'm done listening to your lies!”

Connor angrily storms off as Will looks on helplessly.

Will tries to find the right thing to say. “I'm sorry, Mr. Rhodes.”

“I don't blame him,” Cornelius says shamefully. “I'd probably react the same way if I was him. I hurt him so much throughout his life, his lack of trust is merited.”

“I'll talk to him.” Will says walking into the hospital to find his boyfriend, leaving Cornelius standing there. His wife would be horrified at how he's alienated their children, how could he have been so stupid?

On the other side of the hospital, Claire through the ER entrance doors.

“Claire.” Natalie calls from the front desk.

Claire walks over to her and gives her a hug. “What a nice surprise, what are you doing here?”

“I'm actually here to see my dad,” Natalie gives her a confused look. “I know, but I found out that my dad's been cozying up to Will and I need to find out what's going on.”

Natalie smiles. “You're a good sister.”

“Thanks.” Claire adjusts her purse on her shoulder. “All set for your date tonight?”

“Yup,” Natalie replies. “I'm excited, but nervous too. I'm dropping Owen off at your brother's after work and then going back home to get ready. I hope Kevin likes the dress you helped me pick out.”

“I'm sure he will." Claire smiles. "Nerves are normal. Just be confident and be yourself more importantly.” She checks her phone. “I'm on my break so I have to go see my dad and then get back to work, but have fun tonight and let me know how everything goes.”

“I will.” Natalie hugs her. “Thanks, Claire.”

Claire smiles as she walks towards the elevator. Getting off on the second floor, she steps out and walks towards her father's office. She is startled when the door suddenly opens to reveal Kevin before she even knocks.

“Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea anyone was out here.”

“That's alright.” Claire peeks inside and doesn't see her dad. “You're Kevin, right?”

“I am.” He affirms. “Do I know you?”

“I'm Claire,” She replies. “Claire Rhodes.”

“Oh, of course, you're Cornelius' daughter.” Kevin extends his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too.” She shakes his hand. “I'm also a friend of Natalie's so I hope you treat her right.”

“Natalie's a special lady, I wouldn't treat her any other way.” Kevin smiles. “You remind me of your brother, protective of those you care about.”

“What can I say?” Claire clicks her tongue. “It must be in our DNA.”

“I hate to run,” Kevin pulls his phone out of his pocket. “but I have an appointment. Is there something I can help you with?”

“I'm actually looking for my dad.” She glances at his desk. “Do you know where he is?”

“He's finishing up a meeting upstairs.” Kevin looks up from his phone. “He should be back any minute, you're welcome to wait.”

“Thanks,” Claire walks into the office. “Nice to meet you, Kevin.”

“You, too.”

Kevin walks out leaving Claire alone. She looks around the office and sees pictures of herself, Connor, and their mom on her dad's desk.

“Claire.” Cornelius enters the office. “This is a surprise.”

“Hi, Dad,”

“What are you doing here?” Cornelius walks behind his desk. “I figured you'd text or maybe call after you got my message, I didn't think you'd come by. Not that I'm not happy to see you, because I am.”

He motions to the chair. “Please, have a seat.”

Claire takes a seat. “I got your message, but that's not why I'm here.”

Cornelius sits down at his desk. “So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

“I spent Mother's Day yesterday with Connor, Will, and Will's brother. Will was saying that you and him have spending been time together. And I just...I want to know why.”

“What do you mean why?” A confused Cornelius asks. “He's dating my son so I'm trying to get to know him.”

“Come on, Dad,” Claire leans forward. “I'm smarter than that. So is Connor. We're both aware that something's up.”

“Honey,” Cornelius leans forward. "I know what you and your brother think of me and I'm completely at fault for that. I've been a terrible, uninvolved, and unsupportive father. Especially with Connor. I let my work influence how much I was around and how I treated you guys, which was wrong of me. I didn't know how to connect with you so I turned you into a copy of myself. I'm not proud of that and I'm glad your brother snapped you out of it.”

He clears his throat and continues. “Connor...I could never understand him and my vain attempts to get close to him just wound up pushing him away. I acted like a total ass when I made those hateful comments about him being gay and his relationship with Will. It was new to me and I handled it the wrong way by letting my own views dictate how I treated him. But being here at the hospital the last few weeks, I've seen how happy Connor is. He's no longer hiding who he is and he's in a loving relationship, which is all I could ever hope for. The fact that it's with a man doesn't matter and I was foolish to believe that it ever did. I know Connor might never forgive me for how I've acted, but getting to know Will and spending time with him is my way of trying to show Connor that I've changed, that I'm sorry, and that I support their relationship.”

Claire sits there, completely shocked by her father's words and the honesty she hears in his voice.

“Claire, sweetheart,” Cornelius walks around to the other side of his desk. “I finally realize that my focus should be on my family instead of my work. It always should have been, but I didn’t see that. I know Connor will never listen to or believe me, so that's why I'm hoping he'll see the effort I'm making with Will. Your mom was the one who connected to and understood you guys, I was never the sentimental type. So when she died, I pulled away when I should've been pulling both of you closer. I love you, Claire. I love Connor too, and I want us to be a family again. That's why I called you, I want to have a memorial service for your mom's birthday and I want you, Connor, and Will to come. I want that to be a way for us to start fresh and put everything else behind us. I tried mentioning it to Connor, but he brushed me off.”

Claire holds back the emotion she feels from the mention of her mother. Skeptical, she responds. “I'll have to think about it.”

“Of course,” Cornelius walks back behind the desk. “I want to get to know you and Connor, really connect like we always should have, so I hope you'll say yes and talk to your brother.”

Claire gets up and walks towards the door, her mind racing. “By the way, I like Russell. I hope he’s treating you right.”

Claire turns around and furrows his brow. “How did you know?”

“I overheard you talking to him the other day at the store.” Cornelius responds.

“Thanks.” Claire replies as she walks out of her dad's office. Has her father really changed?

**Scene : Connor's Apartment, 7 P.M.**

Will opens the door and sees Connor sitting on the couch.

“Shh.” Connor puts his fingers over his lips to silence his boyfriend. He points toward the bedroom. "Owen is sleeping."

Will quietly closes the door and takes off his jacket, he plops down next to Connor.

“How's your brother?”

“He's good.” Will puts his hand on Connor's shoulder. “Jay was just upset because we were discussing Mom yesterday like I thought, but he's fine. How are you doing, babe?”

“I'm fine.” Connor curls his lip. “Why?”

“Just, you know...” Will hesitates as he doesn't want to upset Connor. “What happened with your dad earlier.”

Connor looks down. “Oh... _that_.”

“You didn't wanna talk about it,” Will lifts Connor's chin to look at him. “but I was worried.”

“I know, babe, I'm sorry.” Connor pats Will’s knee. “My dad is just such a touchy subject for me. I don't believe or trust one word he's saying, but I know you do so I didn't wanna fight.”

“Baby.” Will grabs his hand. “We are in a relationship and it’s just a given that we’re not always going to agree, but that doesn't mean we have to fight. We need to listen to and talk to each other about how we feel, no matter what."

Connor squeezes Will's hand. “I know.”

Will kisses him. “How was Natalie when she dropped Owen off?”

“She was good.” Connor responds. “Excited for her date. I don't think she's ever left Owen with anyone other than her mother-in-law because she gave me all sorts of instructions." He chuckles. “She said watching Owen would be good practice for when you and I have kids.”

Will laughs. “She's too much sometimes, but I do love how she's so invested in our relationship.”

“Me, too.” Connor smiles. "I've actually always wanted to be a dad."

“You have?” Will inquires.

“Yeah,” Connor nods. “I used to babysit my younger cousins growing up so I've known since college that I want to have kids. Even being gay, I always imagined adopting a child with the guy I wind up with.”

“Oh, wow.” Will pulls his hand back suddenly feeling uncomfortable. That's a lot of pressure, they've only been together for four months.

“Babe, I'm sorry,” Connor turns to face his boyfriend. “I realize how that came out and that wasn't the intent. I don't want to make you feel pressured or anything, I was just talking in general.”

Will leans back. “Connor...I mean, I've thought about it. But being a parent is a huge responsibility.”

“I know.” He puts his hand on Will's leg. “It's ok, baby, we don't have to talk about it anymore. That's a discussion we can have if and when the time comes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable like this.”

The sound of Owen crying can be heard through the baby monitor.

“I guess Owen's up.” Will says, unable to look at Connor. He loves him, but all this talk about a family and kids is too much.

“I'm gonna go get him babe, I'll be right back,” Connor sighs as he stands up. Man, he really knows how to put his foot in his mouth, doesn't he?

**Scene : Natalie's Apartment, 8 P.M.**

Natalie, wearing a purple blouse and a navy blue skirt with her hair up in a bun, and Kevin, wearing a gray polo and black jeans, walk onto her porch.

“Is everything ok?” She turns to face him. “You've been pretty quiet all night, did I do something?”

“Oh, no, it's not you at all.” Natalie looks down at her purse. “This is just the first date I've been on since I lost my husband and...I'm not sure if I'm ready.”

Kevin face drops at her reply. “Oh.”

“I'm sorry, Kevin.” Natalie says remorsefully. “It's just...I only lost my husband a year ago and even though I tried to tell myself otherwise, I'm not over his death. It's just too soon for me, I'm so sorry.”

“I understand.” Kevin half-smiles. “If only we had met under different circumstances. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman with a good head on her shoulders and when you're ready, any man would be lucky to call you his.”

“You're a great guy, Kevin.” Natalie puts her hand on his shoulder. “Smart, sweet, handsome, and respectful with a career & goals. I know you'll make a girl very happy someday, it's my loss that she won't be me. I shouldn't have wasted your time, I'm sorry and I hope you're not mad.”

Kevin gently brushes his hand over her cheek. “Time with a beautiful woman like you is never a waste, Natalie. I could never be mad with you for being honest, I actually respect you for telling me. At least we'll always be friends.”

“Of course,” Natalie smiles to hide her regret. She hates doing this to Kevin, he's such a handsome and sweet guy, but she has to follow her gut.

“I'll see you at work.” Kevin kisses her cheek. “Have a goodnight.”

Natalie gives a small wave as she watches Kevin walk off. The one good guy comes into her life at the wrong time, just her luck.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	44. You Are My Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 2 days later (Wednesday), 11 A.M**.

“You were in the shower when I came to pick up Owen,” Natalie joins Will at the table in the break room. “did Connor tell you what happened?”

“The gist of it,” Will replies, sipping his coffee. “I was surprised because you seemed so excited about Kevin.”

“I was surprised, too.” Natalie sadly looks down into her coffee cup. “It just felt wrong. I was thinking about Jeff and Owen the whole time and as stupid as it sounds, it almost felt like I was cheating on Jeff.”

“That’s not stupid.”

She looks up at him with tears in her eyes. “I thought I was ready, but I’m still not over losing Jeff. It’s already been a year, I don’t know why I can’t seem to let him go.”

“Hey,” Will reaches for her hand. “losing someone you love is one of the most difficult things to deal with. Everyone has to move on in their own time and in their own way. It may be a year, but you’re clearly not ready. You can’t force it or rush it, it has to happen naturally. When you’re finally ready to move on, you’ll know.”

Natalie wipes away a tear and Will squeezes her hand. “I feel so bad for dragging Kevin into all of this. He’s a great guy, everything I could ever hope for, and I hurt him.”

“But he understood, right? At least that’s what Connor said you told him.”

“He did.” Natalie chokes back a sob. “That's what it makes it even harder. He was so understanding, he told me how much he appreciated my honesty. I hate that I did this, I don’t know how I’m going to face him.”

“I know it’s hard, Nat,” Will gives her a sympathetic look. “but he’s our supervisor so you’re going to have to face him. The sooner, the better. Just try to be normal about it, don’t ignore what happened or it’ll just make it awkward.”

“Speaking of awkward,” Natalie clears her throat. “what’s going on with you and Connor?”

“Wha-what are you talking about?” Will pulls his hand back. “Everything’s fine.”

“Come on, Will,” Natalie gives him a look. “Connor told me that it’s been awkward between the two of you since he mentioned having kids the other night.”

“He did?” Will asks sheepishly.

Natalie nods. “Connor is really concerned that he’s scared you away by coming on too strong. When we had dinner last night, he couldn't stop talking about it. He said you spent your day off yesterday at your apartment, he thinks you’re avoiding him”

“I’m not avoiding him, I just needed some time alone to think,” Will sighs. “I don’t know, Natalie. I love him, but talking about kids and a family, it was too much for me. It totally freaked me out and all of a sudden I felt this weight that wasn't there before.”

“What weight?” Natalie asks, confused.

“The weight of adopting and having a family with Connor. How do I tell him that I might not want kids when he’s always wanted to be a dad?”

“Do you want kids?”

“I don’t think so.” Will takes a deep breath. “Being a parent is a huge responsibility, the well being and care of another person is in your hands. I have enough trouble taking care of myself sometimes. Also, I know it's selfish but I want Connor all to myself. I don’t want to share him, with anyone."

Natalie chuckles. “It might be selfish, but it’s understandable. Being a parent changes your life completely, but it’s not for everyone. You just have to talk to Connor and be honest about how you feel. He loves you, he’ll understand.”

“Thanks.” Will’s phone beeps and after checking it, he smiles. “My brother and Erin got engaged last night.”

“That’s right!” Natalie cries excitedly. “Last night was their anniversary, that’s so wonderful.”

Will responds to his brother’s text. “Jay was planning it for a few weeks, I can’t wait to hear how it went.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, 2 P.M.**

“There they are!” Will announces as his brother and Erin walk through the ER doors. “Congratulations!” He hugs both of them. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks,” Jay smiles at Erin and then kisses her. “Where is everyone?”

“Oh, my god!” Natalie shouts as she walks over with Maggie and Reese. “You guys, congratulations!” They hug the newly engaged couple.

“So let’s see it.” Maggie says anxiously. “We’ve been waiting to see the ring all day.”

Erin puts her hand out and proudly shows off her beautiful ¾ carat diamond three stone engagement in 14K white gold.

“Wow.” An astounded Reese says. “The ring is gorgeous. I love the white gold.”

Natalie nods in confirmation. “And the three stones look perfect together.”

“You have good taste, Jay.” Maggie compliments him. “You picked this out all on your own?”

“I did,” Will clears his throat and Jay laughs.

"Fine, Will helped me a little. But I was the one who wanted the three stones to represent that Erin and I are friends, lovers, and partners, both at work and in life.”

“Aww!” Natalie, Maggie, and Reese reply in unison.

“That is so sweet.” Maggie gushes as she turns to Erin. “Where can the rest of us get a guy like him?”

“I’m very lucky.” Erin kisses Jay and looks around. “Where’s Connor?”

“Here I am.” Connor walks out of one the treatment rooms. “Sorry, I was just finishing something up. Congratulations!”

He hugs Erin and when he extends his hand to Jay, he is surprised by his response. “No need to be so formal, Connor, we’re practically family. Bring it in.”

Connor laughs and hugs Jay. Practically family, that would be nicer to hear if things weren't so awkward between him and Will.

“Anyway,” Jay puts his arm around Erin. “Voight’s taking everyone to Molly’s on Sunday to celebrate and we want all of you to come.”

“I know Ethan and April aren’t in yet so we texted them.” Erin looks at Connor. “We also invited your sister, Connor.”

“That’s really sweet of you guys, thanks.”

“I think she’s gonna bring Russell, too.” Erin looks at Jay who nods in confirmation. “I had dinner with her and Natalie last week and Claire couldn’t stop talking about him so I want to meet him.”

Connor half-smiles. Here are Jay and Erin treating both him and his sister like family while the very relationship that ties them together is currently on shaky ground. “He’s a good guy, we were childhood friends.”

“So anyway,” Jay checks his phone. “we have to get back to work, but we’ll see all of you on Sunday.”

Will watches his brother and future sister-in-law leave before glancing at Connor and walking away.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 6 P.M.**

Connor walks by the front desk. “Goodnight, Maggie.”

“Goodnight.” Maggie calls without looking up from her papers.

Connor exits through the ER entrance doors and sees Natalie outside on the phone. “Ok, great. Thanks, Helen. I’ll see you tonight.”

She hangs up the phone. “Off already, huh? I guess it’s just me, Ethan, and April tonight.” She laughs. “Did you get to talk to Will?”

“No.” Connor shakes his head. “We both just got off so I was hoping I'd see him in the break room or something, but he must’ve bolted. If he’s not at my apartment when I get home, I’m gonna swing by his place because we need to talk.”

Natalie nods. “I’m sure you guys will work out.”

“Thanks, Nat.” He hugs her. “I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Tossing her empty coffee cup in the garbage, Natalie turns to walk back into the ER and as soon as she walks in, she sees Kevin talking to Maggie at the front desk. “Ok, great, thanks Maggie.”

Before Natalie can slip by unnoticed, Kevin turns and sees her. “Natalie, hey.”

She walks over to him, bracing herself for their first encounter since the other night. “Hey Kevin, how are you?”

“I’m good.” Kevin hugs his iPad against his chest. “Just finishing up some stuff and getting ready to call it a night. Working late tonight, right?”

“Yup.” Natalie nods. “Listen, Kevin, I’m really sorry about the other night. I feel like I unfairly got your hopes up and led you on when I wasn’t actually ready to move on, which was never my intention. I know I hurt you and I feel so terrible. You’re a wonderful guy and you deserve better.”

Kevin puts his hand up. “Don’t be silly, Natalie. You don't need to apologize again. I know you wanted to move on, but you didn’t realize that you were still grieving your husband and weren’t ready. I don’t blame you or think you led me on because your intentions were pure. I appreciate the fact that you were honest, which is all I could ever ask. Plus, I saw how hard it was for you to let me down. The last two days haven’t changed my opinion of you, I still think you’re a wonderful, beautiful woman. Like I said, when you’re ready, any guy will be lucky to call you his."

He gently puts his hand on her cheek. “So please stop feeling terrible because, while I can’t deny that it did hurt, I am fine. We’ll always be friends and who knows what could happen in the future? I respect you, Natalie, and all I want is for you to be happy.”

“You’re very sweet.” Natalie smiles as she feels his hand brush against her cheek. “Thank you.”

“I have to finish up some paperwork,” He opens his iPad. “but we are completely good, so please stop beating yourself up. Have a goodnight, beautiful.”

He smiles at her before walking off. She touches her hand to her cheek where she can still feel Kevin’s hand. He really is a great guy, it’s her loss that she’s not ready.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 6:30 P.M.**

Will is laying in bed, having changed out of his scrubs into a t-shirt and jeans, with his eyes closed.

“Will, are you here?” Connor calls as he uses his key to open the door.

Surprised to hear his boyfriend’s voice, Will walks out of the bedroom and sees Connor standing in the living room still wearing his scrubs. “Connor, what are you doing here?”

“You left work so quickly and since you didn't come to my apartment, I figured you were here.”

“I just...” Will stammers. “It-it was a long day and I just wanted to relax a little.”

“Can we please stop this?” Connor gives Will a look. “Can we please stop acting like everything’s ok? Because we both know that it’s not.”

Will sighs and walks into the living room to sit on the couch. “I don’t know what to say, Connor. All of a sudden you were talking about having kids and a family the other night, I was totally caught off guard and had no idea what to say.”

Connor sits next to him. “I know it was a shock and you weren’t prepared, I’m sorry for that babe. I didn’t realize how strong I was coming off until I had already said it. Except instead of ignoring me, I wish you had talked to me about how you were feeling.”

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” Will shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I just needed some space to wrap my mind around what you said and to figure out how I feel about it.”

Connor grabs Will’s hand. “It’s ok baby, I understand. But we need to be able to talk to each other about these things, about everything that happens in our relationship. If either of us need time or space, we need to be upfront about that. The only way this is going to work is if we’re open and honest about everything, even if it’s not pretty.”

“You’re right,” Will rubs his fingers over Connor’s knuckles and sadly looks up at him. “I just didn't know how to tell you that I don’t want kids because I didn’t wanna disappoint you.”

“Aw, baby.” Connor squeezes his hand. “You could never disappoint me, all I ever want is for you to tell me the truth. As long as we’re honest, we can get through anything.”

“Wait,” Will furrows his brow. “So you're not upset that I don’t want kids?”

“Will,” Connor looks into his eyes. “I love you and that is all that matters. Yes, I’d like kids and a family in the future, but that's not a must. I love you too much to ever be without you and I would be perfectly happy if our future only consisted of the two of us because as far as I’m concerned, you are my future.”

Will smiles. “That’s the future I’ve always imagined for us. Me and you together, working as doctors, saving people, and traveling the world. Exploring and having adventures together, taking care of each other for the rest of our lives.”

“You’ve thought about that?” Connor smirks. “I thought I was the only who pictured our life together that far down the road.”

“You’re not.” Will confirms, making circles on Connor’s palm with his finger. “I love you so much babe and I've always thought about us having a future. Helping Jay plan his proposal to Erin, and now seeing them engaged, it’s all made me think about how I want that with you one day.”

Unable to think of a response, Connor leans in and passionately kisses Will.

“So does that mean we’re good?” Will asks with a laugh.

“Yes, silly.” Connor lightly hits him on the shoulder. “We’re good.”

They both smile and Will wraps his arms around Connor’s neck. “I love you, Connor. So much.”

“I love you too, Will. More than I ever thought I could love someone else.”

Connor pulls Will into a hug and they enjoy their embrace, finally back on solid ground.

Their hug is interrupted by Connor’s phone ringing. “Sorry.”

He gives Will a small kiss before answering his phone. “Hello? Oh, hey Claire, what’s…what?!” He leans forward. "Oh, my god. Yes, I’ll be right there.”

“Babe,” A concerned Will leans forward to see the troubled expression on his boyfriend’s face. “what’s going on?”

“That was Claire,” Connor says, mind wandering as he tries to process the news. “My cousin John was attacked, he’s at Chicago Med.”

_**...To Be Continued** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	45. Family Sticks Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : (con't) Chicago Med, 30 minutes later**

Connor and Will come running through the ER doors where they see Detectives Dawson and Ruzek talking to two EMT’s. Looking into the waiting room, they see Claire sitting with Jay and Erin.

“Claire,” Connor calls as Will follows him into the waiting room. “how is he?”

“He’s in surgery.” Claire hugs Connor. “Derek’s talking to Sergeant Voight.”

Will turns to his brother and Erin. “What happened?”

“We’re still trying to piece it together,” Jay closes his notepad. “but it seems that John was the victim of a hate crime. The person who called it in said they heard him being attacked in the alley behind their building and the attackers were shouting slurs like ‘fag’ and ‘homo.’”

Connor looks at his sister who grabs onto his arm as they sit. “Did you guys find who did it?”

“We’re still canvassing.” Erin responds. “John was semi-conscious when the EMTs arrived so Dawson and Ruzek are finding out what he had to say when they got there.”

“I’m gonna go see what I can find out,” Will looks at his boyfriend, seeing the blank stare in his eyes. “I’ll be right back, babe.”

Connor nods and turns to his sister. “Who called you?”

“Dad did.” Claire responds, trying to break this to her brother gently. “When John was brought in, the staff didn’t have any info on him and when Dad heard the name, he obviously recognized it. So he called me and then I called Derek.”

Before Connor could respond, Derek came walking towards them. He is tall with dark eyes and long, pushed back brown hair wearing a black button down and gray slacks. “Connor.”

A wordless Connor stands up and walks over to hug him. They haven’t know each other long, but Derek is family. “How’s John?”

Derek sighs. “He’s still in surgery. It’s so frustrating because I can’t get any answers.”

“Will went to go get some.” Claire grabs his hand. “Come, let’s sit.”

Derek takes notice of Jay and Erin. “Are you guys the police?”

“We are,” Erin gently replies. “I’m Detective Lindsay and this is Detective Halstead. We are so sorry for what you are going through, but if you’re up for it, we just have a few questions.”

“Halstead...” Derek looks up. “You must be Will’s brother.”

“I am,” Jays nods affirmatively. “I’m sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.”

Derek looks down sadly, trying his hardest to keep it together as the guy he loves fights for his life. “What questions do you have for me?”

Erin opens up her notepad. “When was the last time you saw your husband?”

“Um,” Derek takes a deep breath, trying to focus on the question at hand. “I got called into work tonight because my architecture firm’s working on a new project so I met John around 5 and we had an early dinner at Gibson’s on Rush Street.”

“Did you go anywhere after that?”

“No.” Derek blinks back a tear. “After dinner, John just walked me to the train station down the block. He wanted to give me a ride to work, but I knew he had a long day so I wanted him to get some rest. We said goodbye and that was it. If I…” He chokes back a tear. “…had let him drive me to work, none of this would have ever happened. This is all my fault.”

“Is there anyone who John has had problems with at work or you have had problems with at work that would be looking for revenge? Or anyone else who could be holding a grudge?”

“No,” Derek wipes away a tear with his sleeve. “I can’t think of anyone that would do this to hurt us.”

In the hall, Voight motions to Jay and Erin. “Excuse us.”

“At dinner,” Derek turns to Claire with his tears in his eyes. “we were both talking about taking some time after my firm finishes this project next month because we want to focus on starting a family. John was saying how he couldn’t wait for us to be parents. What if he doesn’t make it? How can I go on without him?”

Derek breaks down in tears and Claire pulls him into a hug, letting him cry on her shoulder. Claire and Connor both have tears in their eyes.

A few minutes later, Derek has calmed down and is sitting quietly as Claire rubs his back. Will walks back into the waiting room.

“Connor.”

“Excuse me.” Connor walks over to Will. “What’d you find out?”

Will takes a deep breath. “Ethan and Natalie treated John when he was brought in. His skull is cracked, his leg is broken, his ribs are fractured, and he has some internal bleeding. In addition to cuts and bruises all over his face from whatever he was attacked with. And…”

“And…?”

“Connor,” Will tries to put this gently. “they’re not sure what was used, but it seems that John was sodomized with a large object. Ethan and Natalie found severe tearing of the anal cavity when they examined him. John’s in surgery now with Dr. Anderson who is doing everything he can.”

“Oh, God.” Connor puts his hand on his mouth, utterly horrified over this newly revealed information. “Wh-what…how do I tell Derek?”

Will takes Connor’s hand. “I’ll do it with you, come.”

Fifteen minutes later, Sergeant Voight walks into the waiting room. “Hi, Derek. Any word on John?”

“He’s still in surgery last I checked,” Derek looks up at him. “Any luck with the guys who…” He takes a deep breath. “…beat and sodomized my husband?”

“My detectives are working some leads, talking to witnesses.” Sergeant Voight bends down to be eye level with Derek. “We will not give up until we find the people responsible for this. I promise you, Derek, they will not get away with this.”

Derek nods as he blinks back tears. “Thank you.”

Sergeant Voight walks out and Will takes a seat next to Connor. “Is there anything we can do for you?”

“I’m good,” Derek sniffles. “I’m just really grateful that you’re all here, I know we haven’t known each very long.”

“Hey,” Connor puts his arm on Derek’s shoulder. “no matter what, you are family and we are here for you.”

“I’m here for you, too.” Cornelius announces as he walks into the waiting room.

Connor rolls his eyes and Derek looks up at Cornelius. “Mr. Rhodes, hi.”

“Please,” Cornelius takes a seat. “call me Cornelius. How’s John doing?”

“He’s currently in surgery,” Derek sniffles. “I’m still waiting on an update from the doctor.”

Cornelius leans forward. “Rest assured Derek that your husband is in the best hands possible here. I’m the chairman of the hospital board so whatever either of you need, I will make sure that you both get it. Connor's right, you are family, and family sticks together during hard times like these.”

Claire reassuringly grabs Derek’s hand and looks at her father, maybe he really has changed.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 4 days later (Sunday), 5 P.M.**

“Babe,” Will walks into the bathroom to find Connor putting gel in his hair. “are you sure you want to go? I think my brother and Erin will understand if you and/or Claire didn’t come tonight.”

“Absolutely.” Connor washes his hand. “John’s doing well. I saw him earlier and he’s in good spirits, getting ready to focus on his recovery and physical therapy after a successful surgery. Knowing he’s good puts my mind at ease and lets me focus on tonight.” He turns to Will. “Besides, how could I miss the celebration of the engagement of my boyfriend’s brother?”

“True. Are you sure Claire’s up to coming?”

“I spoke to her this morning and she said that she was coming with Russell.” Connor puts his hand on Will’s cheek. “I know I’ve been distracted with everything with John, thanks for being here.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” Will puts his hand on Connor’s outstretched arm. “That’s what you do for the people you love.”

Connor smiles at his sweet boyfriend’s face. “I love you, too.”

Will leans in to give Connor a kiss. “How did I get so lucky?”

“We’re lucky to have found each other,” Will pulls him into a hug. “and nothing will ever tear us apart.”

Connor puts his head on Will’s shoulder, savoring how safe and protected he feels in the arms of the man he loves.

**Scene : Molly’s, 5:30 P.M.**

Connor and Will walk in and find everybody already there. Sitting at a big table are Erin & Jay at the head with Voight, Platt, Burgess, Roman, Ruzek, Dawson, Atwater, April, Natalie, Ethan and Severide seated around them. Ethan, Reese, and Maggie had to work so they are unable to be there.

Walking over to the table, they greet the happy couple. “Hey guys. Sorry we’re late, we were waiting for Claire and Russell.”

“Glad to see you guys.” Erin hugs both of them. “Where is your sister?”

“Russell’s parking the car.” Connor turns to Jay, who finishes hugging Will. “Are we hugging again?”

“You better believe it.” Jay laughs as they hug. “No need to ask in the future, hugs are how family greet each other and like I said, you’re one step away from being family, Connor.”

Connor smiles and after he hugs Jay, he and Will go greet everyone else.

"Are you ok?” Claire asks Russell as they walk in.

Russell clears his throat. “I’m a little nervous to meet everyone. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks.”

“Everyone’s going to love you.” Claire takes his hand. “Don’t worry.”

“Erin, Jay!” Claire calls as they turn around to face her and Russell. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you guys!”

“Thanks,” Erin and Jay hug her. “Russell, this is Will’s brother Jay and his fiancée Erin. This is my boyfriend, Russell.”

Russell shakes their hands. “Nice to meet you guys, congratulations on your engagement.”

“Thanks,” Erin smiles. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Russell. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Claire looks around. “It was so nice of you to invite us, thank you.”

“Of course, we’re glad you guys came. Come on, let’s introduce you to everyone.”

About a half hour later, everyone is seated eating food and drinking.

“Can I have your attention everyone?” Will calls as he taps on his beer glass.

The room gets silent. “I just want to take a moment to congratulate my brother and Erin on their engagement. Jay, you’ve been there for me my whole life, through the good and bad, and I don’t know what I'd do without you. You’re the best big brother anyone could ever ask for and I’m so glad you found someone as beautiful, smart, and kind-hearted as Erin to share your life with. I love the both of you very much and I wish you a lifetime of happiness. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” Everyone clinks their glasses together and takes a sip.

“I’ll be right back,” Connor gets up as Will and Natalie turn to Russell.

“So, Russell, how long have you been working for Connor and Claire’s dad?”

“A couple of years,” Russell takes a sip of his beer. “I grew up down the block from Connor and Claire so I’ve known the family my whole life. I moved back about three years ago after going to school out of state. I needed a job and Cornelius was nice enough to hire me. It’s a good job and I like working with the public. Even though they make me crazy sometimes.”

“I know the feeling.” Will laughs. “Claire’s really great, I’m glad she’s found someone worthy of her.”

“Aw, you’re sweet, Will, thanks.”

“I’m a lucky guy.” Russell turns to her. “I always had a crush on Claire growing up, but it seemed that the timing was never right because first I moved away for school and then she was dating someone when I came back. Once I heard she was single again, it took me a while to work up the nerve to ask her out.”

Claire wraps her arm around Russell’s. “What’s funny is that I had a crush on Russell growing up, too. I always wondered why I never had luck with relationships and now I think it was because I was waiting to reconnect with Russell.”

Will and Natalie smile at each other as Russell and Claire kiss. Love seems to be all around these days.

“Sergeant Voight,” Connor walks up next to him at the bar. “I just want to thank you, on behalf of myself, my sister, and Derek, for working so hard and catching the guys who attacked my cousin.”

“You know, Connor,” Voight turns to him. “I’ve put away a lot of criminals over the years, but putting these three away was one of the most satisfying arrests of my career. I know you and Will are only dating, but this was personal for myself and the entire squad. Those bastards thought they’d get away with it, but they had no idea what was coming when we busted them.”

Voight sips his whiskey. “I think it’s disgusting how people can have so much hatred and intolerance towards people because of who they love. Derek was one of the most distraught spouses I’ve ever interviewed, his love for John was as clear as a bell. As is the love you and Will have. And that's what life is all about, man: love. It doesn’t matter the shape, form, or gender, love is love, and I’ve never understood how people are too blind to see that. The guys who attacked your cousin are being brought up on federal hate crime charges and the state’s attorney has assured me that they will never be getting out.”

A stunned Connor, unsure of what to say, extends his hand. “Thank you, Sergeant Voight.”

Voight shakes his hand. “That's why I became a cop in the first place, to get justice and put the bad guys away.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, John’s Room, 6:30 P.M.**

John, wearing a hospital gown, is sitting up in his bed. He has a bandage on both his head and on his stomach in addition to a cast on his leg. There are multiple scratches, cuts, and bruises on John’s face, some of which are deep.

Derek is sitting in the chair next to his bed. “So Connor said that the police caught the guys who did this to you and they're being brought up on charges.”

“That's good.” John winces in pain from his fractured ribs as he turns to face his husband. Derek immediately gets up and helps him.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” John lays his head back. “Just trying to find a way to move that doesn’t hurt.”

“You don’t have to move.” Derek stands over his bed. “You just lay there and talk to me. No need to move.”

John smiles. “I love you, babe. You were the only thing on my mind when those guys were…were attacking me.”

Derek bows his head in shame. “I love you, too. And I...this is all my fault, none of this would have happened if I had let you drive me to work. I am so sorry.”

“Hey,” John leans forward, ignoring the pain. “babe, look at me.” He lifts Derek’s chin. “This is not your fault. You knew I had a long day and were thinking of me when you took the train so I could go home and rest. There’s nothing that you could have done to prevent it. I’m honestly glad you weren't with me or they would’ve attacked you, too.”

A tear rolls down Derek’s cheek as he processes his husband’s words. So selfless and thoughtful, even after what’s been through. How could Derek not love him?

“No tears, baby.” John wipes away Derek’s tear. “I’m here, I’m gonna recover and go through physical therapy, and then we can start that family we were talking about.”

Derek kisses him. “I can’t wait to have kids because I know you are going to be an amazing dad.”

John smiles. “Not as amazing as you.”

Derek smiles back when all of a sudden, John’s eyes start fluttering and his body begins to convulse.

Panicked, Derek runs to the door, shouting frantically. “I need some help in here!”

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 6:45 P.M.**

“I cannot believe you did that, Will!” Connor shouts as he storms into the apartment. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Will closes the door. “I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset, babe.”

“You-you…don’t understand why I’m getting so upset?” Connor huffs. “You know I can’t stand my father yet you invited him to dinner this week. What did you expect me to be, happy as a clam?”

“I don’t know. It just seemed like you and he have been getting along so well these last few days,” Will reasons. “I thought that maybe you’d come around.”

“The only reason I’ve been nice...no, not nice, _civil_ to that man is because John’s in the hospital. My feelings towards him have not changed.”

“So, what am I, a mind reader?” Will challenges. “How was I supposed to know that?”

“You would’ve known if you had bothered to ask me!” Connor scoffs. “But when it comes to my dad, you just do what you want and don’t bother to talk to me about it anyway so I don’t know why I’m surprised.”

“Woah!” Will puts his hand up. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m your boyfriend, Will, and you know I despise my dad,” Connor leans on the kitchen counter. “but that hasn’t stopped you from getting close to him. You've completely disregarded my feelings and have done whatever you’ve wanted.”

“That’s not fair.” Will grits his teeth. “Your dad’s trying to change…actually, he has changed and someone has to let this new version of him into their lives. And since you’re too stubborn to do that, I’ve had to be the one to.”

“He’s not even your father, Will!” Connor bangs his hand on the kitchen counter. “You can't make up for the fact that your father isn’t around by cozying up to mine. Are you so thick in the head that you don’t see how my dad is playing you?”

Will crosses his arms over his chest, feeling the anger building inside of him. “So it's just not possible that your dad has changed?”

Connor shakes his head. “No, because this is what he does. He says the right thing, he gets you to let your guard down, and then the other shoe drops. You told him about your dad so this is all an act and you’ve played right into his hands. He has some kind of agenda and I may not know what it is yet, but he’s using you to get close to me to further it.”

He puts his hands behind his head and continues. “All that crap he gave you about how you’re the reason he changed his mind about everything, it was just that, crap. Total bullshit. He was just stroking your ego to score points and you’re stupid if you think it was anything other than that.”

“So,” A now angry Will starts. “I’m stupid to think that it’s possible that your father saw our love and realized the error of his ways? People change when they see things like that, especially when it comes to family.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” Connor sneers. “What the hell do you know about family?! You don’t even want children!”

Completely taken aback his boyfriend’s outburst, Will swallows hard. “Wow…so I guess the Holier than Thou Connor I first met is still in there.”

Connor’s posture softens as the reality of what he’s said and done hits him.

He walks towards his boyfriend, who is putting on his jacket, and speaks gently. “Will…I-I’m sorry.” Connor reaches out to touch Will’s shoulder, but Will violently pushes his hand away.

“Don't touch me,” Will snarls, backing away. “this version of you disgusts me.”

“Where are you going?” Connor asks as he watches the love of his life walks towards the door.

“Away from you.” Will scowls as he pauses with his hand on the doorknob. “Plan on going home tonight because I don’t want you here when I get back.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	46. An Eye-Opening Evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Connor's Apartment, 7:15 P.M.**

Connor is sitting on the couch watching the news in a vain attempt to distract himself from what happened with Will. Another brilliant move he's made in their relationship.

How could he have said such things to the man he loves? It’s just...finding out that Will invited his dad to dinner set something off inside of him that he could not control. It was like he was watching himself yell at Will from outside his body, completely powerless to stop any of it. He’s lucky if Will doesn’t break up with him let alone if Will ever speaks to him again.

He sighs and puts his head in his hands when he hears his phone ring. Hoping it’s Will, Connor pulls it out of his pocket and sees it’s Claire. “Claire, hey, wha…oh, no. Is he ok? Ok, I’m on my way. I’ll meet you there.”

Hanging up, Connor quickly puts his jacket on and grabs his keys.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 7:30 P.M.**

Will steps off the elevator and turning the corner, he sees Claire on the phone outside John’s room. “Ok, thanks, Russell. I’ll talk to you in the morning.” She hangs up. “Hey Will, is Connor with you?”

“Uh, no.” Will replies casually. “Why, what’s wrong?”

“John had a seizure about 45 minutes ago.” Claire explains, leaning against the wall. “Derek was talking to him and all of a sudden, his eyes started to flutter and his body started to shake.”

“Oh, God.” Will shakes his head. “Where is he now?”

“He was taken upstairs for some tests to figure out what caused his seizure.” Her eyes well up with tears. “I don’t know what to do, Will. Derek needs me to be strong, Connor needs me to be strong, but I am scared for John.”

“Shh.” Will pulls a now crying Claire into a hug, trying to soothe her. “They’re going to figure out what's happening with John and he’ll be fine.”

“I hope so,” Claire sniffles. “I don’t know how Derek would go on if something happened to John. I…I don’t know how our family would get over the loss.”

“Don’t think like that.” Will gently replies. “Your cousin is in the best hands here, your dad and everyone on the staff is here for your family. None of us are giving up or giving in until John has made a full recovery, which he is going to do.”

“Thanks, Will.”

He looks around. “Where is Derek, anyway?”

“He went outside to call his boss, the service in here sucks.”

Will nods and Claire looks behind him.“Wait, so you said Connor isn’t with you?”

“No, he’s not.”

“But, he said he was on his way. Didn't you guys leave Molly’s together?” Claire notices that Will won’t meet her gaze. “What happened?”

Will sighs. “We had a fight. I…I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Does he know you’re here?”

“No.” Will shakes his head. “And when he gets here, please don’t tell him. I don’t…I’m not ready to see him right now.”

“Will.” Claire gives him a look. “Come on, I don’t wanna get involved, but I’m also not gonna lie to my brother. Especially with everything going on with John.”

“I understand,” Will puts his hands in his pockets. “I’m gonna go, but I’ll be back to check on John.”

“Will.” Claire calls after him. “Whatever happened, Connor loves you. You know that, right?”

“I do,” Will replies sadly. “but love doesn’t fix everything.”

With that, he walks away, leaving Claire to wonder what could have happened between them.

Fifteen minutes later, Connor comes rushing through the ER doors and sees Derek talking to Maggie. “Ok, please keep me posted, thanks.”

He turns around, takes a deep breath, and sees Connor. “Hey.”

Connor walks over to hug Derek. “How’s John?”

“They’re still running tests.” Derek replies, trying to maintain his composure. “Trying to figure out what caused his seizure. The nurse just told me that they did lab work and now they’re doing an MRI and an EEG.”

“They’re going to figure it out,” Connor reassures him. “and John is going to be fine.”

“I hope so, Connor.” Derek sighs, tears welling up in his eyes. “John is everything to me, meeting him and marrying him gave my life the meaning and purpose I was always looking for. If something happened, I don’t know how I’d go on.”

“Hey,” Connor puts his hand on Derek’s shoulder. “John is strong and he is going to get through this. I know how much he loves you, he’s not going anywhere.”

Derek smiles through his tears, hoping Connor’s right.

**Scene : Chicago Med Rooftop, 8 P.M.**

Will is sitting on the edge of the roof, back towards the door, thinking about the events of the night. They all celebrated Jay and Erin’s engagement at Molly’s and it was so much fun. He and Connor left and everything was fine until Will told Connor in the car that he invited his dad to dinner. That was when Connor completely lost it. He flipped, screaming and insulting Will in a way that was completely shocking. He thought Connor would be okay with it because him and his dad have seemed to be getting along. Or that's what he wanted to think. What if Connor was right?

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the roof door opening. Will turned around to find Kevin.

“Oh, hey Will.” Kevin puts a brick at the bottom of the door to keep it open and Will gives him a look. “This door’s been getting stuck lately, I got stuck up here for a half hour the other day before someone came up. I called maintenance and they should be here this week to look at it.”  
He walks towards Will. “I didn’t expect to see you here, I thought you and Connor got off earlier this afternoon.”

“We did,” Will looks up at him. “but I needed a place to come think.”

“Think about what?” Kevin takes a seat next to him. “Is everything ok?”

“Ye…well, no.” Will hesitates. “Everything’s not ok.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I appreciate the offer,” Will stands up. “but I don’t wanna bother you with my problems.”

“It’s not a bother,” Kevin replies. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Try me.”

Will looks over the rooftop. “Have you ever been in love, Kevin?”

“Once.” Kevin furrows his brow. “Is something going on with you and Connor?”

Will continues to look at the buildings in the distance. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I do Connor. The love I have for him is so deep and so pure, I never thought I’d actually experience that type of love. Except sometimes I worry that he and I are too much alike to be together. Our personalities are so similar that when we fight, it’s combustible.”

He turns to Kevin. “Before we started dating, I always thought Connor had a superiority complex, thinking he was better than me, and tonight I saw that side of him again. It was that side of him, in addition to being unsure if he was gay, which led me to keep my feelings for him a secret. It just so happened that he liked me too and even though it wasn’t the easiest beginning, we started dating and it was great. Then something happened and we broke up, both of us too stubborn to admit that we missed the other and wanted to work through our issues. It took a fucking shooting…Connor had to get god damn shot for me to finally put aside my pride and realize that he mattered more than my ego. Ever since then, we’ve worked on our communication and honesty. I thought things were going well, that we were on the path towards a future we both wanted, but I was wrong.”

Sighing, he sits back down next to Kevin. “The fight we had tonight, where I saw that superior side of Connor, showed me that things haven’t been going as well as I’ve thought. We’ve been holding back on discussing things, especially on Connor’s end, and I think it’s been out of fear of having the type of fight that we did tonight. Because, let me tell you, that Connor with the sense of entitlement, he was unrecognizable to me. He was rude and nasty, talking down to me and speaking to me with contempt, like I was some lesser idiot rather than his boyfriend. I was shocked, offended, and hurt, that is not the Connor I fell in love with.”

“Wow,” Kevin searches for the right thing to say. “I-I’m so sorry Will.”

“I don’t even know what to do,” Will puts his head back. “I mean, I can’t imagine life without Connor. But if this is what the future holds for us, holding back our feelings until they manifest and implode, then we are never going to make it.”

“Well,” Kevin puts his hand on Will’s leg. “maybe you should be looking for a future with someone else.”

Will gives him a confused look. “I’m sorry, what is going on here?”

“I like you, Will.” Kevin slowly moves his hand further up Will’s leg. “I have since I started working here. There was never an opportunity for me to make a move, but maybe that is why you just so happened to be up here tonight.”

Will forcefully pushes Kevin’s hand off his leg and shakes his head. “Wait, so you’re gay? How could you do that to Natalie? She’s my best friend.”

“I’m not gay, I’m bi.” Kevin explains. “I was interested in both you and Natalie, but since you were with Connor, I was perfectly happy to be with Natalie. But, man, even before Natalie rejected me, I was never able to stop thinking about you, Will.” He shuffles closer to Will. “You’re a great guy and you deserve to be with someone who will make you feel loved and appreciated instead of bringing you down like this.” He puts his hand back on Will’s leg. “If Connor’s not that guy, I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance.”

A speechless Will is frozen in place. _Is this actually happening? Is Kevin actually hitting on him?_

Kevin turns to face him. “Connor doesn’t know how lucky he is, you need someone who will treat you the right way. You’re so handsome, smart, and despite the tough exterior, I know you’re a sweet guy with a big heart. If you give me a chance, I could treat you better than Connor ever did.”

Despite their backs being turned to him, Connor has seen and heard everything that just happened from the top step of the roof. Angry and upset, Connor quietly walks down the stairs in order to not draw attention. He knows just who to blame for this.

“Man, those eyes of yours are gorgeous, Will. I've always wanted to be the one who gets to look at them.”

Kevin leans in towards Will in an attempt to kiss him, but Will finally snaps out of his frozen state and pushes him away. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Trying to kiss you,” Kevin replies in a nonchalant manner. “I thought you were feeling me.”

“Feeling you?!” Will cries as he stands up. “Why would you think that?”

“I just…” Kevin stammers. “…you weren’t saying anything. Just sitting there listening. I thought that meant you were interested and wanted to kiss me, too.”

“Silence does not equal the desire to kiss you or my being interested in you. I was silent because I was surprised by what you were saying that it took a minute to a process it.” Will puts his hand up. “Let me be very clear, Kevin. I am not interested in you and I did not, and do not, want to kiss you. I have a boyfriend and I love him.”

“You mean Connor?” Kevin replies, sarcastically. “The boyfriend you were complaining about how he treated you with disrespect and contempt and how your relationship is volatile? Oh yeah, I can really see why you love him.”

“Wow.” Will curls his lip. “Connor was right about you all along, you are phony. This veil you have of being a gentleman is all an act you put on to hide the fact that you’re a manipulator.”  
He shakes his head. “And to think I defended you. I kept telling Connor to give you the benefit of the doubt, that he had to get to know you before judging you, but he was right about you from the get-go. I can’t believe I couldn't see who you really are.”

“Ouch, that hurts.” Kevin mockingly laughs. “You’re right, though. That boyfriend of yours is very perceptive. He knew all along that was something off with me, he just didn’t know that I was waiting to steal you away from him. Even though he‘s pretended to like me recently, I know it’s not true.” He shrugs his shoulders. “But, hey, I can’t help who I am. I like being in control, having the power, and getting what I want. I will lie and manipulate if need be to get it. I knew you’d never think of me in any way beyond a supervisor unless I made attempts to be friends with both you and Connor so I did what I had to in order to get close to you. Don’t lie, though, Will, you know you’re attracted to me.”

“In your dreams.” Will scoffs. “If you thought that playing me by saying and doing the right thing would get me to like you then you are sorely mistaken. I am in love with Connor and we might have our issues, but no one will ever come between us. Especially not a pathetic moron like you.”

“If we had more time,” Kevin responds. “then you would definitely see me in a different way. _I’m_ the kind of guy you should be with, not Connor. I would treat you like a king, not as if you’re a worthless peasant like Connor.”

“No amount of time would ever change how I see you, Kevin,” Will sneers angrily. “because for the first time, I see who you truly are. Not the persona you show to the world. People like you make me sick because you only love yourself. Connor loves me, really loves me in a selfless way, and he’s exactly who I should be with. Being with someone like you would be a complete downgrade because you are beneath me.”

Kevin crosses his arms over his chest. “Now who has the superiority complex?”

Will shakes his head. “This has been an eye-opening evening, in more ways than one. I’m glad you came up here because I see, more than ever, that my relationship with Connor is worth fighting for. What we have is real and true, which is something you’ll never understand because you’ll never love anyone other than yourself and anything other than power & control.”

Will starts to walk towards the roof door, but Kevin stops him. “Wait, so that’s it? I went through all this trouble, putting on all the smiles and playing nice, for nothing?”

“That’s right,” Will confidently replies. “I would never be with someone who plays a game to get me like I am some kind of prize. I am not something you win. I am a person and I deserve someone who wants to be with me out of love and respect, not power and/or control." He clears his throat. “You stay away from me, Connor, and Natalie or I will report you to HR for sexual harassment.”

With that, Will walks off the roof and out the door, leaving Kevin standing there. That certainly didn’t go how he had hoped.

Back downstairs, Connor storms into his father’s office. “I knew it!”

Cornelius looks up from his papers. “Connor, what’s going on?”

“Don't play dumb with me!” Connor shouts angrily. “You know exactly what’s going on. I knew you had an agenda, but I was too blind to see that it was right in front of my face the whole time. You were slick, I’ll give you that.”

“Son,” Cornelius puts his pen down and stands up. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t call me son!” Connor cries. “Stop with the act, it’s over now. I know you hired Kevin to come between me and Will. And you got close to Will so that when Kevin made a move on him, you would seem innocent and like you were trying to get to know my boyfriend.”

Cornelius’ face drops. “Wait a minute, are you telling me that Kevin hit on Will? That can’t be right.”

“Well, it is.” Connor shakes his head. “I just saw it for myself on the roof. Don’t act like you didn’t know.” He sees the shock confusion on his dad’s face and lowers his voice. “Wait, are you telling me you _didn’t_ know? That you didn’t set this all up?”

“Connor,” Cornelius walks around from behind his desk. “I had no part in any of this, I swear to you. Regardless of whether or not you believe me, I do support your relationship with Will. I’ve seen how much you love him and how much he loves you, I would never do anything to destroy your happiness. Plus, I thought Kevin was dating Natalie. I had no idea he was into men.”

Connor is taken aback by his father's response, his confusion and shock actually seem sincere. “So, you didn't do this?”

“No.” Cornelius leans against his desk. “I love you, Connor, and I meant what I just said, I support you and Will and would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship. Whatever this thing is going on with Kevin, I had no idea about any of it.”

“Oh, my god.” Connor runs his hand through his hair. “So if this isn’t your doing, then that means Kevin is trying to come between me and Will. He probably has been all along. Damn it, I knew there was something about that guy. I never trusted him, but I never thought that this was his endgame.” He sits down, the reality of the situation hitting him hard. “What am I going to do? Will and I had a huge fight, I practically drove him into Kevin’s arms.”

Cornelius kneels down next to Connor. “Did you see anything beyond Kevin making a move? Was Will reciprocating?”

“No…I don’t know,” Connor shakes his head. “I walked away.”

“Well then, don’t assume.” Cornelius puts his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Will loves you and I know he would never do anything to hurt you.”

Connor looks at his father, for the first time in a long time feeling like his dad is there for him. “What do I do…” He struggles to get out the last word. “…Dad?”

“Go find Will.” Cornelius tells him. “Talk through everything and work it out. He’s crazy about you and I don’t want you to lose him.”

Unsure of how to respond, Connor leans in to hug his father. A surprised Cornelius wraps his arms around his son. “I’m so sorry for everything, son. I love you.”

Connor fights back the emotion this long awaited reconciliation with his father is causing. “I love you too, dad.”

Hearing those words, Cornelius hugs his son tighter. “I will never let you go again, Connor. I am here to love and support you, no matter what.”

They break the hug and Connor looks at his father. “Does that offer for a fresh start still stand?”

“Absolutely.” Cornelius puts his hand on his son’s knee. “But first, go find Will. We can talk later.”

Connor stands up. “Thanks, Dad.”

Cornelius smiles wide as his son walks out. After years of making countless mistakes, he and Connor have finally reconciled. And he will not screw it up this time, this is a new beginning. His wife would be so happy to see this.

After leaving his dad’s office, Connor walks into the bathroom around the corner. He turns the water on and splashes some on his face before one of the stalls opens up and he sees Kevin. “Oh, hey Connor.”

Connor snarls and proceeds to turns around and grab Kevin by the collar of his shirt, pushing him up against the wall. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You hit on Will.” Connor grits his teeth. “ _My_ boyfriend, Will. I saw you two on the roof. I knew something wasn’t right about you from the beginning and I was spot on, you were after Will. You pretended to be our friend so you could get close to him and then make your move when the time was right.”

Kevin chuckles. “Like I told Will, you’re very perceptive. I knew you never really trusted me, you just pretended to for Will’s sake, which was perfect for me. I’ve been into Will since I first started here and I had the perfect opportunity to finally make my move tonight. All thanks to you, actually. That fight you guys had, the way you spoke to him and made him feel, you set it up perfectly for me to tell Will how I feel.”

Connor punches Kevin hard in the stomach, causing him to fall back the floor in pain. “You think this is funny, you son of a bitch?!? Will is everything to me, I love him more than anything in the world. You have some damn nerve to try to take him from me.”

Kevin grabs onto the sink and holding his stomach, he stands up and grins. “Don’t blame me, I just took advantage of the opportunity I was presented. The one _you_ presented me with. Your hot boyfriend all upset and vulnerable, how could I pass that up?”

An angry Connor shakes his head and balling his fist up, he punches Kevin again. “Don’t talk about Will like that! He’s not some piece of meat, he’s the guy I love. Stop pretending that something happened with you two because Will would never cheat on me. Especially with a scumbag like you.”

Grabbing his jaw, Kevin takes a step back. “You’re right. He completely blew me off, brushing off all my come ons, because you were all he could talk about. How much he loves you. How you’re who he wants to be with, in spite of how you treated him. It was kind of disgusting, actually.”

“That’s what love is, Kevin.” Connor walks towards Kevin, who backs up against the wall. “You may not understand that, but love is about coming through the other side together no matter the obstacles.”

He puts one hand on the wall behind Kevin and his other arm at Kevin’s throat. “From now on, you will stay away from me, Will, and Natalie since you lied to her, too. And if you don’t stay away from the three of us, or if you ever try to come between me and Will again, I will come back for you. Next time, I will not hold back.”

Before Kevin can respond, Connor kicks him in the nuts. Removing his arm from Kevin’s throat, Kevin bends over in pain as Connor walks out of the bathroom.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 8:30 P.M.  
**

Will is standing at the front desk in the ER, talking to Maggie, when he sees Connor and Claire walk towards him. “How’s John?”

“He’s good.” Claire replies, noticing how Connor and Will won’t look at each other. “All his tests came back normal and they found out his seizure was caused by a bad reaction to one of the medications he was on. They changed that medicine and gave him something to help him sleep. The doctor said he should be asleep until early morning.”

“That’s great.” Will smiles. “How’s Derek?”

“Exhausted.” Connor responds. “He didn’t wanna leave John, but he hasn’t been sleeping in that uncomfortable chair in John’s room so we convinced him to let us take him home.”

Will nods. “That’s a good idea. John’s gonna need him to be strong while he rehabs and does physical therapy.”

“He is,” Connor clears his throat. “I’m gonna drive Derek back in the morning so he can be here when John wakes up.”

“Connor gave Dr. Anderson and the night nurse our numbers,” She looks between the two of them. “I don’t know what’s going on with the two of you, but we gave them your number, too. I hope that’s ok.”

“Of course, Claire.” Will affirms. “You don’t even have to ask.”

Claire smiles as Will looks at Connor awkwardly. “Well, I’m gonna go. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Will turns to walk out of the ER. Connor looks at his sister, who nods her approval, and he runs after him. “Will, wait.”

Will turns around and sees Connor walk through the ER doors. “Can we please talk?”

“Not tonight, Connor.” Will shakes his head. “I need to go home.”

Before either of them can say another word, a voice from behind them calls. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Chicago Med’s two fag doctors.”

They both turn around and are shocked to see Dr. Perrington.

“I see your cousin John made it. I’ll have to hire guys who can do the job the right way next time.”

 _ **…To**_ _**Be**_ _**Continued**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	47. Actions Have Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : (con’t) Chicago Med**

“Wait,” Connor puts his hand up. “Are you saying that you’re the one responsible for my cousin’s attack that put him in the hospital?”

“Yes, I am.” Dr. Perrington replies, without hesitation. “You and your father screwed me over. I lost my job here because you ratted me out, giving that recording to Goodwin and your dad. He fired me because of it and spread the word, now I can’t get a job anywhere else in Chicago. I’ve dedicated my life to medicine and helping people and now I can’t work in my field anymore so I had to get revenge.”

“So you decided to have my cousin attacked?” Connor walks towards her her. “You are a sick, twisted bitch.”

“You and your father had to be punished,” Dr. Perrington responds. “After I got fired, I followed you and saw you with John and his husband. Apparently being a fairy runs in the family. Attacking you or your dad would’ve been too easy, I wanted you to suffer so that’s why I chose them. My guys got John all alone the other night and it was perfect. Well, actually, it would’ve been perfect if they had killed him. Disgusting homos like you four shouldn’t be allowed to co-exist with the rest of us.”

Connor goes to lunge at her, but Will grabs his arms to hold him back. “Connor, don’t.”

“Oh, come on, Rhodes.” Dr. Perrington taunts him with a smirk on her face, holding her arms out and motioning at him with her hands. “What are you going to do, hit me right here? In public, outside a hospital?”

“He doesn’t have to do anything.” Cornelius says as he he walks out of the hospital with two security guards. “These security guards are here to remove you from the premises before I have you arrested for trespassing.”

“Fine, I’ll leave.” Dr. Perrington swats away the security guards who try to put their hands on her. “Don’t touch me.” She looks towards the three of them. “This isn’t over.”

The security guards follow Dr. Perrington as she walks away.

“How did you know she was here?” Will asks Cornelius.

“I installed security cameras outside the hospital and in the parking lot when I became chairman.” Cornelius replies. “They stream in my office and as soon as I saw Dr. Perrington, I called security.” He notices the intense look on Connor’s face. “What happened?”

“She’s the one…” Connor points his finger, biting back his anger. “...she's responsible for John’s attack and for him being here.”

“What are you talking about?” A confused Cornelius asks. “The men who attacked him were arrested.”

Connor takes a few deep breaths to control his anger and Will turns to Cornelius. “She admitted to hiring those guys to attack John as payback for Connor ratting her out and for you firing her. She said she followed Connor and saw him with John and Derek, they were the targets. Those guys got John alone the other night and attacked him because she hired them to do so.”

“Son of a bitch!” Cornelius swears, shaking his head. “We cannot let her get away with this.”

“Oh, she won’t.” Connor breathes heavily. “I will make sure of that.”

“Son, look at me.” Cornelius grabs his son’s hand. “I know you’re angry, but you cannot do anything stupid. If you really want her to pay for what she did, then it has to be done the right way, and vigilantism is not the way.”

“Your dad’s right.” Will interjects, unsure of whether Connor will listen to him. “I’m gonna go to the district and talk to my brother. Let him and Intelligence handle this, I love you too much to let you do anything you’ll regret or that’ll get you into trouble.”

Connor’s head spins towards Will. “You still love me?”

“Of course I still love you, silly.” Will gently replies. “We had a fight, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Will’s response makes his anger subside a little, there is still hope for them.

Cornelius looks at him. “I think after you drive Derek home, you should stay with your sister tonight.”

“Hm?” Connor shakes his head. “Oh, no, I’ll be fine. I heard you guys, I’m gonna go home to sleep after I drop Claire off. I have to be up early to drive Derek back here and then I’m working the night shift.”

“Not anymore.” Cornelius tells him. “I’m giving you tomorrow off, no arguments.”

“What about Goodwin?”

“I’ll explain the situation to her and I’m sure she’ll understand.” Cornelius puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder. “You need to take care of yourself, son. Will’s off tomorrow as well and you need to spend the day with him working on whatever happened between you two.”

“Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent.” Cornelius looks between the two of them. “What the two of you have is very special and doesn’t come around often. So spend the time tomorrow fixing the problem. We will be fine without you for one night.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Connor hugs him, much to Will’s surprise. “I guess this really is our fresh start, huh?”

“You bet it is, son.” Cornelius smiles at his son and then takes out his phone. “I have to go back inside and finish some work, stop by in the morning when you drop Derek off.”

“I will.” Connor affirms. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, gentlemen.”

Will watches Cornelius walk back into the hospital. “So, tomorrow, then?”

“Tomorrow.” Connor nods and takes a deep breath. “I love you, Will.”

“I love you, too, Connor.” Will puts his hands in his pockets. “I have some errands and shopping to do tomorrow, I’ll text you when I get back home. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Connor calls as he watches the love of his life walk off. This exchange between them was easy, tomorrow is not going to be nearly as easy. But his dad’s right, what they have is special and worth fighting for.

Connor’s thoughts are interrupted by Derek and Claire walking out of the hospital. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Derek reluctantly nods. “I still hate to leave John.”

“He’ll be sleeping until morning.” Connor responds. “There’s nothing more you can do, you need to take care of yourself tonight by getting some sleep. You’ll be back before he wakes up.”

“Come on.” Claire puts her arm around Derek. “Let’s get you home.” She looks at her brother. “Where’s your car?”

“All the way to the left.” Connor motions with his hand. “The lot was jammed when I got here.”

Claire and Derek walk towards the car with Connor in tow. He wants to tell him about Dr. Perrington, but he knows Derek will never sleep if he does. John’s safe for tonight, so he can tell Derek tomorrow and Claire after he drops Derek off.

Meanwhile, back inside the hospital, Cornelius walks into his office and finds Kevin sitting at his desk. He has a bruise on his cheek from where Connor punched him. “Hi, Mr. Rhodes. I was just getting ready to leave these papers on your desk before calling it a night.”

“Thanks.” Cornelius casually replies, taking the papers from Kevin. “What happened to your cheek?”

Kevin runs his hand over the bruise. “Oh, nothing. It's just a little swollen.”

“Funny because you didn’t have it earlier.” Cornelius leans against his desk. “I thought it might be from my son punching you after he saw you making a move on Will.”

Kevin’s eyes widen. “He told you about that?”

“Yes, he did.” Cornelius crosses his arms over his chest. “You really shouldn't been smarter than to piss off Connor and to try to come between him and Will. Because by extension, you’ve pissed me off and have made me very angry that you’ve tried to destroy my son’s relationship.”

“I wasn’t trying to destroy anything.” Kevin tries in vain to defend himself. “I was just trying to show Will that I’m the better option.”

“Better than _my_ son?!” Cornelius shouts. “Connor is the best man I’ve ever met, a jerk like you isn’t even in his league. I know that you played Will in order to get close to him, pretending to be nice to him and Connor and pretending to be their friend, all in an attempt to steal Will away from my son.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.” Cornelius shakes his head. “Connor told me how smug you were when he confronted you in the bathroom. You’re proud of what you did, how you manipulated everything to try to get your way. What’s worse is that you don't see anything wrong with it.”

“Look at you being so self-righteous.” Kevin mocks as he stands up. “You’re trying to claim the moral high ground here, but I’ve heard that you’re the king of manipulation.”

“I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly?” Cornelius asks in disbelief, emphasizing every word. “I think I just heard you disrespect me. Me, your boss and the one who gave you this job.”

Kevin sees the angry look on Cornelius’ face and instantly regrets his outburst. “Mr. Rhodes, I…”

“Save it, I don’t wanna hear anything else that comes out of your mouth.” Cornelius puts his hand up. “You’ve got a lot of balls to talk to me that way, Kevin, _and_  to treat my son the way you have. That glowing recommendation you received and that impression of you being a gentleman were clearly all misrepresentations of your character.”

He clears his throat and continues. “The truth is that you’re right about what you just said. I spent most of my adult life, my life as a businessman and father, manipulating and lying in order to get my way. I always felt the need to be the one with the power, the one who controlled every situation, regardless of the consequences. It took much too long to realize how far reaching the consequences were until I had one day alienated those that I love the most. Being that version of myself cost me my relationship with my children and it has taken everything I have to try to repair those relationships. I’m not proud of who I was, how I acted and how I treated others, but I was too selfish to realize it until I had nothing left. You may think being this way, that using and playing people is the way to be, but it’s not, Kevin. You’re just going to be end up alone.”

“Oh, please.” Kevin rolls his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “Spare me the song and dance, I don’t have the time for or the interest in any of this sentimental bullshit. To be honest, Mr. Rhodes, I heard how ruthless you were and that’s why I wanted to work for you. Seeing you like this, all sappy, is quite a surprise.”

Cornelius chuckles. “You think you’re such a big shot, Kevin, but you’re not. They always say you can’t bullshit a bullshitter, I should’ve seen past your nice guy persona when you first started here. But, there’s a way to fix that.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kevin leans forward. “What’s that?”

“You’re fired.” Cornelius smugly replies. “Pack up your stuff and get out, you are no longer welcome here.”

“What?!” Kevin rises from his chair. “No, you can’t do that.”

“Oh, yes, I can.” Cornelius smirks, as he grabs a stack of papers from his desk and hands it to Kevin. “These are your termination papers, including your severance package. Considering what you’ve done, you’re lucky I’m giving you anything, but I didn’t have a choice.”

“You can’t just fire me,” Kevin protests, tossing the papers onto the desk. “I have rights as an employee and you need cause to fire me.”

“I do have cause.” Kevin points to the papers. “It says it right there: gross misconduct. You made a pass on a subordinate, your entire encounter with Will on the roof is on tape, and that violates the hospital code of conduct.

Kevin shakes his head. “This is total bullshit.”

“Bullshit or not,” Cornelius replies. “it’s perfectly legal. I showed the tape to the hospital lawyer, tape which has sound and everything by the way, and he’s the one who drew up these papers.”

“When the hell did you do this?” Kevin angrily asks. “This all just happened.”

“As soon as Connor told me what happened, I pulled the security footage and went straight to the hospital lawyer.” Cornelius takes a seat at his desk. “You don’t mess with my son and get away it. All actions have consequences, Kevin, and this is the consequence of your actions.”

Cornelius looks up at Kevin, who is standing frozen by his desk. “I suggest you gather your things quickly because security will be here in five minutes to escort you out of the hospital.”

Kevin sighs. “Mr. Rhodes, I’m so sorry. Please, don’t do this. I need this job, I don’t have anything else.”

“Too late, Kevin.” Cornelius says dismissively. “You should have thought of that long before you tried to screw with my son. No one hurts my family without paying the price. I also wouldn’t put this job on your resume because if you do and I am contacted, I will give you the scathing recommendation you deserve.”

A defeated Kevin, all out of moves, cleans out his desk, throwing everything into his work bag. Sighing, he walks towards the door where he sees a security guard waiting for him. “Don’t ever let me catch you on the premises again, Kevin, because I won’t hesitate to have you arrested for trespassing.”

Hanging his head, Kevin slings his work bag over his shoulder and walks out of the office. Cornelius smiles a self-satisfied smile, that’s what you get for messing with the Rhodes.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	48. The Rest of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

  **Scene : Chicago Med, John’s Room, the next day (Monday), 1 P.M.**

John is sitting up in bed eating some Jello, bandages and cast still in tact when he hears a knock on the door. He turns his head to see Connor and Cornelius. “Hey guys, come on in.”

“How are you doing?” Cornelius inquires.

“I’m good,” John replies. “A little tired and sore, they have me on medicine to help with the pain.”

“Where’s Derek?” Connor asks.

“He went downstairs to get something to eat.” John lays his head back. “He hadn’t eaten all morning and even though he didn’t wanna leave my side, I insisted that he go get himself food.”

“He’s been really worried about you, we all have.” Cornelius says with a sad smile. “Claire will be here later.”

“I know, she called me before to check in.”

“I was talking to Dr. Anderson and he said you’ll be able to go home in a few days.” Connor informs him. “You’ll have to wear the cast for at least a month and the stitches in your head can come out in a few weeks. The ribs will take a while to heal and he’s going to prescribe you creams to use for your face. Also, um, because of the trauma in your anal cavity, it’s gong to hurt for a while, but it will fully heal. I looked over all your tests and his notes and I’m just as confident as Dr. Anderson is that you’re going to make a full recovery.”

“And once your cast is off and everything’s healed,” Cornelius interjects. “we have one of the best physical therapists in Chicago on the staff and I already spoke with him. He’s ready to work with you when the time comes.”

“Thank you, guys. For everything,” John tilts his head. “I don’t know how I could’ve gotten through all this without your support. Derek too, he was telling me how you guys have been there for him through all this.”

Connor looks down. “I’m so sorry John, it’s our fault that you’re here. I know Derek told you about Dr. Perrington and I feel just awful.”

“I had no idea what a psycho bitch she was.” Cornelius bites his lip in frustration. “If I had any idea that she would go after you, I would’ve handled things with her completely different.”

Connor sadly nods. “Me too.”

“Guys,” John leans forward. “this is not your fault and I don’t blame you at all.”

“He’s right, you guys aren’t to blame.” Derek says as he walks into the room. “You did what you had to do to get rid of her because she wasn't fit to work here. It’s not your fault that any of this happened, it’s her's.”

John looks at his husband. “Where’s your food?”

“I got a call from my boss, I never had a chance to go downstairs.”

John sees the sad expression on Connor’s face and touches him on the arm to make him look at him. “Hey, Derek’s right. She’s the crazy bitch who hired guys to attack me as an act of revenge, there’s no way either of you could have known any of this would happen. The only person I blame is her, not either of you.”

Connor smiles weakly. “Thanks.”

“I thank you also, but still,” Cornelius puts his hand on Connor’s back. “to make it up to you, you will not be charged for your time here. Your ER visit, your stay in this room, all free of charge.”

“That’s awfully generous of you, but it’s too much. I can’t accept,” He looks at Derek. “We can’t accept.”

“We have insurance.” Derek responds, standing next to John’s bed. “We can certainly pay for John’s stay.”

“Absolutely not.” Cornelius insists. “I’ve already spoken to the hospital board and it was a unanimous vote in favor of this. They’re just glad you’re not suing us since Dr. Perrington used to work here and your attack was the result of us firing her.” He looks at the two of them. “Besides, you guys are family and I want to do this. It’ll make me feel less responsible.”

John smiles at his sincerity. “Thank you, so much.”

“My pleasure.”

John looks around. “Is Will with you? I want to thank him for everything.”

“Um, no.” Connor hesitantly replies. “Will’s off today.”

“Derek,” Cornelius motions with his hand. “why don’t you and I go grab something from the cafeteria? Give Connor and John a chance to talk.”

Derek nods and kisses John. “I’ll be back soon, babe. Do you want anything?”

“I'm good, thanks.”

Cornelius puts his arm around Derek’s neck and the two of them walk out of the room. John turns to Connor, who is not looking at him. “What’s going on? You and Will are inseparable, there's no way he wouldn’t be here wth you just because it’s his day off.”

Sighing, Connor sits in the chair next to John’s bed. “We had a really big, ugly fight last night. The worst one we’ve ever had, I don’t know how we’re going to get past it. He texted me to come over to talk and I’m so anxious.”

“Listen to me, Connor.” John sits up, ignoring the pain. “Fighting comes with the territory, it’s part of what happens when you're in a relationship. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, there’s a lot of tough stuff, too. When Derek and I were dating and even when we first got engaged, we argued all the time. Some were small, insignificant fights that we just got over, but some were brutal. There were times when I doubted that we would ever be able to move on, but we did. And do you know why? Because we love each other and our love mattered more than whatever we were arguing about. Even when it seemed bleak, how we felt always trumped the fights.”

He clears his throat and continues. “You and Will have only been together for a few months so you’re still new to everything. I know you love each other and see a future together, but a relationship is all about work. Derek and I finally got to a good place because we worked at it. The honesty, the trust, the communication, building those into our relationship wasn't easy and took time. I see how you look at each other, you’re definitely lovers, but as cliché as it sounds, you also have to be best friends who can tell each other anything and everything No holding back and no secrets, you both have to be all in on that front. Building that type of solid foundation is not easy, but it’s what makes a relationship last.”

Connor sighs. “That's the problem. There were things, issues, that have been building up between us. Mostly on my end. I would just brush them off, telling myself that it didn't bother me that much or that I would just get over it, but that didn’t happen. It all built up to the point that I exploded at Will yesterday. I couldn’t even control it, I just snapped.”

“Believe me, Connor, I understand because Derek and I have been there. You think letting it go and pretending it doesn’t bother you will work, but it just festers until you explode like that. It’s important, at least it was for us, to understand why we were avoiding discussing these things. And I think it’s important for you two also.”

“I know why, that’s the other problem.” An exasperated Connor replies. “Will and I have such similar personalities that I’m always worried talking about a sensitive issue is going to cause us to butt heads. And not butt heads as in simply disagree, but as in argue loudly, nasty, and perhaps even violently. He’s so much like me, he loses his cool when his buttons are pushed. If we both lose our cool, how does anything get solved?”

“Do you want my advice?”

“Yes, please.”

John clears his throat. “You need to talk to Will about this, all of this, and explain your fears to him. For all you know, he might have similar fears. You need to be upfront about everything and the two of you need to learn how to discuss things without losing your cool. Even if they are things that push your buttons, you need to learn how to talk openly, calmly, and rationally. If that means going to counseling, then that's what may be the best solution. You cannot be afraid to talk to each other about what’s on your mind; it’s not healthy and your relationship won't survive."

He takes a sip of water and continues. “Derek and I were seeing a therapist for about a year. After we got engaged, all of our issues sort of imploded to the point that we were barely speaking. We loved each other and obviously didn’t want to break up so we had to get professional help. Honestly, it was the best decision we ever made because we learned to understand and respect each other in new ways and how to handle our problems on our own. I won't lie and tell you that it was easy because it wasn’t, but it was completely worth it. It’s the reason why our relationship is as strong as it is today. I know we all want to think that we don’t need help and that we have all the answers, but there’s no shame in admitting otherwise. Especially when it comes to relationships because it’s about a long-term solution rather than a temporary band-aid.”

“Thanks, John.” Connor stands up. “Even when you’re in the hospital, you’re still the wise sage.”

“I try.” They both laugh. “Just keep an open-mind when you talk to Will and make sure you really listen to what he has to say.”

“I will,” Connor checks his phone. “I’m gonna go, but thank you for the advice. I love you, John.”

“I love you, too.” John replies as Connor leans down to hug him. “Good luck. Come back later and let me know how it went.”

“I’ll definitely be back.” Connor affirms. “Tell my dad and Derek that I’ll see them later.”

Kevin nods and smiles at Connor as he walks out. Relationships aren’t easy, but he has hope that Will and Connor will work it out.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 1:30 P.M.**

Taking a deep breath, Connor reaches out his hand and knocks on the door.

“Coming.”

The door opens and Connor feels his heart start to race when he sees Will.

"Hi.”

“Hey,” Will opens the door all the way. “come in.” He ushers Connor inside. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, thanks.”

Will pulls a water out of the fridge for himself. “How’s John?”

“He's good.” Connor leans against the couch. “He was asking about you.”

Will sips his water, unsure of how to start this. “I’ll go see him later.”

“Listen, Will, I hate this. I hate all of this so much.” Connor sighs. “You and I fighting, sleeping separately, and not being together. I know this is all my fault because of the way I jumped down your throat last night. I screamed at you, made nasty comments, and was very unfair. For all of that, I am so sorry.”

“Connor.” Will hesitates. “There’s something I have to tell you. I wasn’t at the hospital last night because of John like I said. I went there to think after our fight to and when I was on the roof, Kevin came up and…he made a move on me. Apparently he’s bi, has liked me all along, and pretended to be our friend so he could get close to me & come between us. I was completely caught off guard when he started saying all these things and once the shock wore off, I immediately turned down his advances and told him I wasn’t interested because we’re together and I love you.”

Will bows his head. “You were right about him all along and I should’ve told you last night instead of lying, I’m sorry. Except you were worried about John and then the stuff with Dr. Perrington happened, I didn’t want to make it worse for you.”

“I know, Will.” Connor gently tells him. “I was walking up to the roof to look for you because Claire had told me you were at the hospital. I saw Kevin hitting on you and I thought it was all my dad’s doing so I went to confront him. I thought he had hired Kevin to come between us and that he was buddying up to you so he would look like a good guy when Kevin made his move, but I was wrong. My dad was genuinely shocked and for the first time, I believed him. That was why you saw me hug him last night because once I realized it was all Kevin’s agenda, we reconciled. But before I had a chance to tell you that I saw, and that I confronted Kevin later on, we found out about Dr. Perrington so I figured it was best to wait until things cleared to tell you. And you don’t have to apologize because I understand why you wouldn’t have wanted to tell me last night.”

“What happened when you confronted Kevin?”

“He was so smug about it.” Connor scoffs. “He really thought he was going to come between us, that his manipulation would take you away from me. I knocked him around a little and threatened to come back for him if he ever tried anything like that again.”

“When I got home last night, I spent a lot of time thinking about what you said to me,” Will takes a seat at the kitchen counter. “and I don’t think you were entirely wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I knew how you felt about your dad, but I still had coffee and lunch with him, getting close to him.” Will explains. “Not because I was intentionally trying to disregard your feelings, but because I somehow thought that it would make up for my dad not being around. That it would fill that void. That’s why I invited him to dinner, I knew how you still felt about him, but it was a way to make me feel like my dad was still in my life somehow. I was so insistent that you couldn’t see how your dad had changed and brushed off what you were saying about his change of heart not being genuine.”

“I appreciate you saying that, Will,” Connor clears his throat. “but I also disregarded your feelings. I should’ve been more understanding of why you were so accepting of my dad’s change and why getting close to him mattered instead of putting my hatred for him onto you.”

“It seems like neither of us really considered the other’s feelings.”

“That’s because neither of us expressed those feelings out loud.” Connor reasons. “We just expected each other to know how we felt. We never discussed it so all we could do was assume and assuming is not a good idea. I know we keep stressing honesty and communication, but I don’t think we’ve made as much progress as we’ve thought. We need to find a way to really communicate with each other openly, so even with our similar personalities it doesn’t blow up like it did last night.”

“I completely agree. That’s something I always worry about, our discussions exploding into these huge fights. I’m glad to know it’s not just me who feels that way.”

“It’s not,” Connor joins him at the kitchen counter. “but our inability to communicate properly is what led to us all this. I blew up at you last night because I reached the tipping point after you told me you invited my dad over for dinner, everything that I was holding in just came pouring out. And that’s not how I want our relationship to be.”

“Neither do I.” Will picks at his fingernails, looking down sadly. “I know that we’re both at fault, but I have to tell you, Connor…I was really hurt by what you said. Actually, it was both the things you said and the way you said them. With such contempt and anger, like I was beneath you. Especially the remark about not knowing what family is because I don’t want kids, that really struck me like a knife.”

“Will,” Connor puts his hand on Will’s chin and raises it to make Will look at him. “I am so sorry for everything I said and the way I said them. I was just so consumed that I couldn’t control it, it was like I was disassociating and watching myself from outside my body. Once I was back in the right frame of my mind, I immediately regretted everything.”

Will looks up at Connor with tears in his eyes. “Don’t cry, baby.” He brushes away Will’s tears with his finger. “I love you so much, Will. You are, without a doubt, the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I can’t lose you. I will do whatever it takes for you to forgive me, whatever it takes to make this to work.

“I love you, too.” Will sniffles. “I...you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t wanna lose you either, Connor. I forgive you for last night, but for the first time, I felt like I wasn’t enough for you because you want a family and I don’t. How are we supposed to get past that?”

“Oh, God, babe.” Connor reaches for Will’s hand. He resists at first, but Connor firmly grabs his hand. “That comment was so stupid and cruel and I am sorry. I only made it because the whole adoption and family thing was still fresh to me. This, us, is what I want for the rest of my life. A future with kids that doesn’t include you is not a future I am interested in because you, Will Halstead, are the only thing I want for the rest of my life.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” Connor squeezes Will’s hand. “Ugh, I feel like such an asshole for ever making you doubt that, for making you doubt that you’re enough. You are more than enough, more than I likely deserve. I don’t care about kids in my future, I care about you in my future. You are the only non-negotiable, Will. You are my present and my future, my love, my soulmate, my everything. A life with you is all I have ever dreamed of and all I could ever want.” He tilts his head. “Although maybe we could get a puppy, if you’d want that.”

Will laughs. “I would like that.”

Connor laughs and pulls Will into a hug, holding him tight. “I’m gonna work on being a better boyfriend so this never happens again. I don’t ever want to make you feel like you aren’t everything I want, because you are everything and more.”

Will clears his throat. “Babe, these are all things that we need to work on together. The communication issues need to be addressed so fights like last night’s don’t happen from build up on both ends. Like I said, we’re both at fault here, I totally recognize my part in all this, and we need to learn how to be more open with each other.”

“You know,” Connor plays with his fingers. “I was talking to John and he was telling me that his marriage and relationship with Derek is so strong because in addition to being lovers, they’re also best friends. They can talk about anything and everything, no holding back and no secrets. And that’s a result of them spending time in therapy, with a professional, to help them through their issues. Their time in therapy brought them closer together and I think it would be a good idea for us to see someone.”

“I agree,” Will looks at his boyfriend. “I think a professional can help us with our communication issues and to learn how to discuss thing in a calm, rational way. Because I want us to be lovers and best friends, too.”

“God,” Connor runs his hand through Will’s hair. “I am so blessed that you are my boyfriend, I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.” Will puts his hand on Connor’s cheek. “We were blessed to find each other and as long as we stick together, we’ll be able to get through anything.”

Connor pulls Will in close for a passionate kiss, both of them knowing this won't be the easiest road for them to travel down. But, man, it will be completely worth it.

**Scene : Chicago Med, John’s Room, 8 P.M.**

Derek is lying next to John in his hospital bed, his head resting on John’s chest.

“You should go home soon, babe.” John gently tells him. “I want to you get some sleep again tonight.”

“No, I’m staying here with you." Derek shakes his head. “I begrudgingly went home last night. I didn’t want to leave you, but Connor and Claire convinced me to since the doctors gave you something to help you sleep.”

“You needed it, baby." John looks down at him. “I’ve seen you sleeping on that uncomfortable chair all week. You needed at least one night, at home and in bed, so you could sleep comfortably.”

“I won’t sleep comfortably until you’re lying next to me again.”

“I know,” John runs his hand through Derek’s hair. “but we'll be back together soon.”

Derek leans up to kiss John. “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be sleeping in that chair until they send you home. I spoke to my boss earlier and he’s going to let me work from home for the next few weeks.”

“What about that big project downtown you guys are working on?”

“They have all my blueprints and notes, they’ll be fine without me.” Derek replies. “I’ll have to be at home on my computer designing and developing some upcoming projects, but I’ll be at your side every chance I have while you’re here and once they send you home. My boss completely understands and he’s going to give me some time off to help you once you start physical therapy.”

John smiles. “I love you, babe. I don’t know how I’d get through any of this without you.”

“I love you, too.” Derek strokes his face. “You’re my husband, we’re a team, and we are going to get through all of this together, every step of the way, until you have fully recovered.”

They kiss again and Derek lays his head back on John’s chest, happy to lay and listen to the heartbeat of the man he is lucky enough to be with for the rest of his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	49. The Next Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1.) My apologies for the delay in posting this chapter.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) Please check out the Pinterest board for this chapter, as the pictures will help you get a better understanding of everything: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-49-john-dereks-an/.
> 
> 4.) I also encourage all of you to please check out my other Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, four months later, mid-September, 2016, 1 P.M.**

Will is sitting in the break room texting his brother. Tonight is John and Derek’s anniversary party, which is serving as both a celebration of their wedding anniversary (which they missed due to John’s attack) and of John’s recovery. Thanks to his successful surgery and intense physical therapy five days a week for the last three months, John has been able to make a complete recovery. His ribs are fully healed, he has full motion and control of his once broken leg, his skull and anal cavity have healed, and the scratches, bruises, and cuts on his face are gone with very slight scarring. In addition, John was able to return to work last week.

_Jay: Are you doing it tonight?_

Natalie walks in with a bag of food. “Oh, hey. I thought you and Connor were having lunch.”

“We did already.” Will texts his brother back. “He took his break earlier because he had surgery so we only had a half hour together before he had to head to the OR.”

Natalie sits down at the table. “Tonight’s John and Derek’s anniversary party, right?”

“Yup,” Will puts his phone on the table. “Connor and I are getting off at five to go home and get ready. Party starts at six.”

Natalie opens her bag and takes a bite of her burger. “Home? Have you guys officially moved in together?”

“No, not yet.” Will laughs. “Funny you mention that, I’ve actually been looking into some places and I found one I think would be good for us. It’s like midpoint between our apartments and not too far from here. So tonight, at the party, I’m going to ask Connor if he wants to move in there together.”

“Aw, that’s so cute!” Natalie gushes. “Do you think you guys are ready for that?”

“I do.” Will leans back and puts his hands behind his head. “We’ve made a lot of progress with Dr. Neal, the therapist Dr. Charles recommended. He thinks part of our problem was that Connor and I became too dependent on each other, spending too much time together, and not giving either of us the space we needed. It was like we were losing ourselves in the relationship and being together all the time just exacerbated our issues, making all the little things a problem, too. In one of our first sessions, Dr. Neal suggested that we both forge our own paths outside of our relationship and do things separately.”

Natalie eats a French fry. “So is that why the three of us haven’t really done anything together recently?”

“Yes, it is.” Will confirms. “Dr. Neal recommended that in addition to doing it together, we spend time with our mutual friends and coworkers separately so those relationships aren’t rooted in our relationship. It’s also why we’ve been spending more time apart, me with Jay & Erin and Connor with his sister, so it feels like we have our own lives that aren’t tied to being together.”

“Do you think it’s helped?”

“I do. I think it’s been good for both of us. We have space and freedom to do what we want while knowing that we’ll be coming home to each other. Plus, Dr. Neal has helped us learn to listen to and understand each other better, he’s given us little tricks to use when issues arise. I know it’s only been four months and we’re not done with therapy yet, but I feel like Connor and I have gotten closer and like our relationship has gotten stronger.”

“I’m really glad to hear,” Natalie smiles. “because you know that I think you guys are great together and I’m happy to hear that therapy has helped.”

“Thanks.” He clears his throat. “How was your date with Jeff Clarke the other night?”

“It was good, he’s a nice guy. It’s a little weird because he was friends with my Jeff, but overall, it went well.” Natalie replies. “I feel like what happened with Kevin was a wake up call that I needed to focus more on healing and getting ready to move on. So I think the last few months have been helpful for that.”

“Speaking of, have you heard from Kevin at all?”

“I have, actually.” Natalie sips her soda. “He texted me like two weeks ago, apologizing for everything and saying he wanted to give it another shot. He gave me all this bullshit about how he was wrong to hit on you when I was the one he really wanted to be with. I very simply responded that he was an asshole and that I never wanted to see or talk to him again. Then I blocked his number. Have you or Connor heard from him?”

“No,” Will shakes his head. “but Connor’s dad said that he tried to get into the hospital last month to talk about getting his job back. He couldn’t get past security and made a scene so the cops came and arrested him for trespassing.”

Natalie rolls her eyes. “Good, that’s what he deserves for what he did to all of us. What goes around comes back around.”

Upstairs, Connor knocks on his father’s open office door. “Connor, hey. Come in.”

“Sorry to bother you, Dad.” Connor walks into the office. “I just wanted to talk to you for a second.”

“Don’t be silly, you’re never a bother, son.” Cornelius motions for him to sit down. “What’s up?”

“How much do you think Will and I should give John and Derek for their anniversary?” Connor takes a seat. “I was thinking $500, but I’m not sure it’s enough.”

“That’s extremely generous of you,” Cornelius puts his pen down. “but you know, it’s just their anniversary. Not their wedding or anything, so I think that’s more than enough.”

“I just-they had to delay celebrating their anniversary by 4 months because of us, because of me…” Connor hesitates. “...I just want to make sure I make it up to them.”

“Connor,” Cornelius walks around from behind his desk. “you can’t make up for what happened by throwing money at John and Derek.”

Connor looks down. “I don’t know how else to assuage my guilt. If I don’t make it up to them with money, how else can I do it?”

“Hey, listen to me.” Cornelius leans against his desk. “You have nothing to make up for. I felt, and still feel, guilty about what happened to John, but it’s not my fault and it is not your fault. I thought you stopped blaming yourself.”

“I tried,” Connor replies sadly. “but my actions are directly responsible for everything John went through. How can I not blame myself?”

“Son,” Cornelius takes a seat next to him. “neither you nor I could control what happened or had any idea what Dr. Perrington would do. We did what we had to do to get rid of someone who didn’t belong at this hospital. What happened beyond that is not your fault, it is completely on her. I know you love John. I do, too, but he doesn’t blame either of us, so you have to stop beating yourself up.”

Connor sighs. “I know, it’s just so hard.”

“Just think about how well John is doing. He’s made a full recovery in every sense of the word, he’s gone back to work, and him and Derek are going to be starting a family. Not to mention that bitch Dr. Perrington is going to rot in jail for the rest of her miserable life. Those are the positive things you need to focus on. John and Derek wouldn’t want you to feel like this, they want to celebrate this new beginning with you and all of us tonight.”

Connor looks at his dad and smiles. It’s been a really nice feeling to have a supportive, loving father again these last four months. He never realized how much he missed his dad. “You’re right. Thanks, Dad.”

“Of course.” Cornelius pats him on the leg. “Tell me, how are things going with you and Will?”

“Things are good. Great, actually.” Connor replies with a smile. “Being in therapy has really helped us grow, both together and separately. I think this is the best place we’ve ever been in.”

“So,” Cornelius grins. “does that mean there might be wedding bells soon?”

Connor laughs. “I don’t know about soon, but in the future, I hope so. As much as we’re in a good place, I think we need a little more time in therapy before we make any big steps. I don’t wanna rush into anything when we’re not ready.”

“You know, Connor,” Cornelius puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder. “your mom would be so proud of you. To see what a wonderful man you’ve turned into. Someone who’s not afraid to walk in his truth, stands up for what’s right, and loves proudly. I know that I am so proud of you for all of that and I have no doubt your mom would be, too.”

He clears his throat and continues. “I also know that your mom would adore Will. The way he talks about you, the way he feels about you, she’d be so happy to see you with someone who’s just as crazy about you as she always was. Because I know I am.”

Holding back his emotions, Connor looks down. “Thanks. I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, son.” Cornelius pulls him into a hug. “Just don’t make me wait too long until I can call Will my son-in-law.”

They both laugh as Cornelius hugs his son tighter, vowing to never let him go again.

**Scene : Gibson’s Bar & Steakhouse, 7 P.M.**

Gibson’s Bar & Steakhouse is a casually fancy restaurant located on N. Rush Street in Chicago. John and Derek rented out the upstairs party room for their anniversary party, which is rather large and shaped like a rectangle. There are seven individual round tables set up and John & Derek have their table at the head of the room. There are balloons and a big ‘Happy Anniversary’ banner hanging, in addition to center pieces on each table filled with artificial lilies.

“Have I told you how handsome you look, babe?” Derek sips his drink, as he looks around at everyone mingling. “I’m so glad we’re finally able to celebrate our anniversary.”

“I couldn’t think of a better way than this to celebrate two years with the man I love most in the world.” John puts his hands on Derek’s chest. “Plus, you look mighty fine yourself, my love.”

Putting his drink down, Derek pulls John close for a kiss.

Their kiss is interrupted by a glass clinking. “Excuse me, everyone, can I have your attention?”

Everyone turns to Connor who is standing with his champagne glass in hand. “Before the party continues, I just want to take a minute to propose a toast to the couple that we are all here to celebrate tonight.” He turns to John and Derek. “John and Derek, in a world where is everyone is busy running from one thing to next, consumed by selfish desires, the two of you epitomize what it means to love someone selflessly, to be best friends as well as life partners. Despite what tests life has thrown your way, you have not let it dampen what you have, but have instead used it to strengthen your love and commitment to one another. While the amount of hate in the world because people aren’t accepting is sad, you guys are a shining example of loving triumphing over hate. The naysayers who doubt that all love is equal just have to look at you two and they will be proven wrong. I hope one day that Will and I will be as happy as you guys are and that our relationship will be as strong as yours is. I love both of you, very much, and I wish you only the best and many more happy anniversaries to celebrate. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” Everyone clinks their glasses and sips their champagne. John and Derek smile at each other before kissing again.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone is eating and Will walks over to the happy couple. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey, Will!” Derek puts his arm around John. “I hope you’re enjoying the party.”

“Oh, I am. Everything’s great.” Will affirms. “My brother and his fiancée just wanted me to thank you for inviting them tonight, they thought it was very sweet of you, but they had to work.”

“Oh, of course.” John sips his champagne. “You and Connor may not be married or even engaged, but regardless, you’re family, Will. And since Jay’s your brother, he’s technically family, too. I’m sorry they couldn’t be here, but I hope all of us can do something soon.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you guys, thanks.” Will responds. “How are you feeling, John?”

“I'm feeling great,” John smiles at his husband. “I have a follow-up with Dr. Anderson next week and my physical therapy is now once a week. I feel like a new man, or like Humpty Dumpty put back together again.”

The three of them laugh. “I’m happy to hear that. I spoke to my brother’s sergeant and he told me that Dr. Perrington and the guys she hired have been given consecutive sentences, so they'll never be getting out.”

“As it should be,” Derek shakes his head. “I’m just glad Dr. Perrington didn’t know prison phone calls aren’t privileged so when she spoke to one of the attackers, she incriminated herself. I don’t know what I would’ve done if the ringleader of John’s attack got away with it.”

“Don’t you worry, baby.” John strokes his hair. “They’re all where they belong.”

“Even if she hadn’t done that, they wouldn’t have given up until they nailed her.” Will reassures her. “She just happened to have made it easy, but everyone my brother works with was willing to do whatever it took to charge that bitch with your attack.”

“Thanks, Will.” John wraps his arm around Derek. “We appreciate their dedication, as well as your help and everything you’ve done for us through my attack and recovery. We might not technically be related, but Derek and I love you like family.”

Will smiles at the sweet comment. “I love you guys, too.”

“We’re not related yet,” Derek interjects. “but, you and Connor are gonna get married so we’ll be related soon enough.”

“Babe,” John lightly hits his hand. “don’t put pressure like that on him.”

“It’s ok, I know you mean well.” Will laughs. “Like Connor said in his toast, when the time comes, we’ll be lucky if we’re as happy as you guys are.”

John grabs Derek’s hand and squeezes tightly. “You guys will get there in your own time, but I can tell you that once you do, there’s no better feeling than being married to your best friend.”

“Agreed.” They kiss and Will smiles at the happy couple.

**Scene : Gibson’s Bar & Steakhouse, 8 P.M.**

John and Derek have cut their cake and everyone is now having coffee and dessert.

“So Russell is taking me away for the weekend,” Claire grins. “we’re going to Fort Lauderdale.”

Connor raises his eyebrows. “Fort Lauderdale?”

“My parents live there now,” Russell explains. “they moved when I was away at school.”

“How are your parents?” Cornelius asks, eating his cake. “Our block hasn’t been the same since they moved.”

“They’re good.” Russell chuckles. “Enjoying retired life. Every time I talk to them, I mention Claire and it’s time they finally meet the girl I’m crazy about.”

“Aw!” Claire gushes, putting her hand on top of Russell’s. “They haven’t seen me in years, I hope I make a good impression.”

“I have no doubt that you will.” Russell kisses her.

Cornelius smiles, happy to see Claire with such a good man. Once he and Connor reconciled, he was also able to reconcile with Claire and is thrilled to be back in his children’s lives.

Will walks up behind Connor. “Babe, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.” Connor cleans his face with his napkin and gets up.

Will takes his hand and they walk towards the lobby area outside the party room, where there is a couch. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Will motions for Connor to sit and joins him. “There’s just…there’s something I want to ask you.”

Connor looks at Will expectantly as he pulls a key out of his pocket. “A key?”

“Yes,” Will nods. “I’ve been looking at apartments and I think I found one that would be perfect for us. Would you do me the honor of moving in with me?”

“Aw, Will.” Connor smiles widely. “Yes, of course. I would love to.” He kisses him. “This is so sweet, Will. I had no idea you were looking into places for us.

“I feel like we’ve come a long way working with Dr. Neal,” Will hands Connor the key. “and I think moving in together, into a place that is ours, is the logical next step for us to take.”

“I think it’s perfect, baby.” Connor reaches for Will’s hand. “Our own place, this is going to be great. Thank you for doing this. I love you, Will.”

“I love you too, baby.” Will kisses Connor and then pulls him into a hug. This is the first real step towards a future together, a future that they both want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	50. Meant To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) I want to take the opportunity to thank everyone who reads my story and/or reviews. I honestly can't believe I'm here at chapter 50, it's been an amazing journey getting here, and I thank all of you for your support.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, three months later, December 24, 2016, 4 P.M.**

There are decorations and lights in the main entrance of the ER in celebration of the holiday season, in addition to a medium size Christmas tree and a Hanukkah menorah in the waiting room. Cornelius and Goodwin started a toy drive for the fifty-five sick children who have to spend Christmas at the hospital and tomorrow, each child is going to be getting a present to open.

Will is sitting in the break room with Natalie. “My parents got in this morning so we’re doing Christmas Eve tonight and then we’re going by Helen's tomorrow. My mom’s home cooking away as we speak,” She chuckles. “my kitchen hasn’t been used this much in a long time.”

He laughs. “What about Jeff? Is he celebrating with you?”

“No, he left yesterday to go see his family. We exchanged gifts before he left.” Natalie responds. “I like him, but I’m not ready to celebrate a holiday with him yet.”

“Right, I understand.”

“Also,” Natalie leans forward. “I already thanked Connor, but thank you for the gift for Owen. It means a lot that he has so many people who think of him.”

“Oh, of course Nat.” Will puts his hand on top of hers. “Connor and I both love Owen.”

“He’s lucky to have uncles like you.” Natalie smiles sweetly. “You and Connor are two of the best guys I know so I couldn’t think of anybody better for Owen to turn to for guidance, advice, and to talk to about ‘guy stuff’ when he’s older.”

“We’ll be very happy to help him however we can.” Will affirms. “Hopefully he won’t find it weird taking advice about girls from his gay uncles.”

They both laugh. “You and Connor are staying home for Christmas, right?”

“Yes. Tomorrow his dad, Jay, Erin, Claire and Russell are coming over.” Will replies. “Tonight it’s just gonna be the two of us and I’m glad we get some time alone before playing host tomorrow. Connor’s actually making something special for dinner, that’s why he came in early and left already so he could prepare everything.”

“That’s sweet.” Natalie smiles. “How are things with Connor’s dad?”

“Really great, actually.” Will leans back in chair, crossing his legs. “Not long after Connor reconciled with him, Claire reconciled with him too and the three of them have been spending a lot of time together. I know what it’s like to have a strained relationship with your father, so I’m happy for both of them. Connor never wanted to admit it, he put on a good face, but being estranged from his father always bothered him. Plus, Cornelius has been completely unwavering in his support of our relationship. I went with them to a funeral for Connor’s cousin a few weeks ago and some of their family were making rude comments about our relationship. Without hesitation, Cornelius basically shamed them for being so close-minded and choosing hate over acceptance. He stormed out when their relatives wouldn’t listen to him. I was really surprised and I think Connor was also.”

“Well, at least he’s on your side. I can only imagine how much that means to Connor after everything that happened with them.”

“Yes, exactly.” Will looks down. “As great as it is…it makes me miss my dad. Jay doesn't like to talk about him, but being around Connor’s dad and seeing how supportive he is, I wish my dad was like that.”

“Aw, Will.” Natalie reaches for his hand. “You and your brother have had no contact with him, right?”

“Yes.” Will sadly replies. “It’s been over two years already. I mean, I know what my dad’s like and as Jay would say, we’re better off without him, but sometimes it feels like we lost both of our parents. And it sucks, especially during the holidays because that was a big deal in our house.”

“I’m sorry, Will,” Natalie squeezes his hand. “but from what you’ve told me about him, it sounds like your brother’s right. Just focus on all the good things in your life. We all love you and just think how exciting it is to celebrate your first Christmas with the guy you love.” Her phone rings. “It's my mom, hold that thought.”

Natalie gets up and answers her phone, leaving Will to his thoughts. He knows how lucky he is, Connor is everything to him, but he just gets sad sometimes and wishes things could be different when it came to his dad.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 6 P.M.**

Connor and Will’s new apartment is much bigger than either of their individual apartments and has a lot of windows, allowing a lot of natural light to come through. At the front of the apartment is the kitchen, dining area, and living room connected via a hallway where there is a full bathroom. The hallway leads to the master bedroom and two spare bedrooms, one for guests and one that they converted into a home office. The kitchen is rather large with a small island & stools for sitting, the dining area is a decent size, and the living room is large and spacious. The master bedroom is large and comes with a rather large master bathroom with a marble countertop that has two separate sinks. There is also a large walk-in-shower and a separate bathtub. The color scheme of their apartment is light and dark contrasts throughout. The apartment itself is not outrageously priced, but they put a lot of money into it with buying the furniture and setting up everything the way they wanted. They plan to be here for a long time together so it was money well spent, good thing they’re both practical savers.

Since it's Christmas, their apartment is decked out accordingly. There is a large, fully decorated Christmas tree in the living room with their stockings hanging on the fireplace, and a Christmas wreath on their front door. In addition, there are small holiday decorations scattered throughout the apartment ranging from a snow globe on the TV stand, Christmas pillows on the couch, a Merry Christmas wall decoration hanging in the kitchen, a Happy Holidays rug by the front door, and Christmas candles on the coffee table, kitchen island & dining room table. They agreed to keep the holiday decorations at the front of the apartment, so aside from the holiday towels in the bathroom, the decorations do not extend beyond the living room, dining room, and kitchen.

Connor is in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. He is wearing blue jeans and a maroon button down shirt complimented by a blue blazer with a purple pocket square. This is their first Christmas together and he wants it be special from how they’re dressed to the setup of the apartment to the food.

Walking out of the bathroom, he walks into the kitchen to check on the food. Everything is almost ready, dining table is set, time to set up the candles. Throughout the living room and dining room are about a dozen tall, freestanding white candles. Taking the lighter, Connor lights each candle, smiling at how beautiful the apartment looks. All the blinds are closed and with the lights now off there’s just romantic mood candle lighting and white lights from the Christmas tree. Perfect.

The front door opens and Connor turns to see his boyfriend looking extra handsome. He is wearing black jeans with a black button down shirt complimented by a tan blazer that has a black pocket square. The clothes accentuate Will’s naturally fit body and the colors look good with his red hair.

“Babe!” Will looks around in amazement as he walks toward Connor. “The apartment looks great. Just the candles and the Christmas lights, it’s beautiful.”

They kiss. “I’m glad you liked it, I wanted it to really set the mood.”

Will follows Connor into the kitchen. “Everything smells so good. What’d you make?”

“A pork roast,” Connor puts on a pair of oven mitts and takes it out of the oven, setting it on the kitchen island. “with cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes.”

“Wow. You really went all out that. I didn't know you were such a chef, babe.”

Connor laughs. “As much as I’d love to take credit, Claire did most of it. I wanted tonight to be special so she offered to help and dropped it off when I got home from work; all I had to do was warm everything up.”

“Handsome, humble, and thoughtful.” Will puts his hand on Connor’s chest. “Whose boyfriend are you again?”

“Yours.” Connor smiles and kisses him. “I hope you’re hungry, everything else is already in the dining room.”

“Starving.” Connor carries the pork roast into the dining room and puts it with the other food on the table. The table has a black table cloth with a single white lit candle in the middle and is set up with dishes, silverware, and a bottle of wine with two wine glasses.

Will sits down and looks at the wine bottle. “Oh, a bottle of Chianti.” He looks at Connor, sitting next to him. “Getting fancy with the wine on me, are we?”

Connor chuckles. “Well, I wanted something beyond our usual Pinot Noir and Sauvignon Blanc and the lady at the wine store recommended Chianti.”

Will smiles as he looks around. “I can’t believe this is our first Christmas together and in our new apartment. You’ve really thought of everything to make sure it’s special.”

“That’s because you’re so special to me, baby.” Connor reaches for his hand. “You’re the most special thing in this world to me.”

“So are you, babe.” He leans over and pulls Connor into a passionate kiss.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 7:30 P.M.**

After enjoying a delicious dinner and then coffee with cookies, Connor and Will are now in the living room, sitting on the couch by their Christmas tree. They just finished opening their presents, they had agreed on a two gift limit. Will got Connor the new iPhone 7 with a Mophie case that charges the phone while Connor got Will a gold & silver Rolex watch with a gold face & a leather jacket.

“Is that everything?” Will asks as he gathers all the wrapping paper.

“Uh,” Connor reaches behind the tree. “there’s one more here. For you.”

“For me?” Will sits down. “But, I already got my two gifts. We agreed.”

“I know, babe.” Connor hands him the present and sits next to him. “Just open it.”

Will suspiciously puts the present on his lap and unwraps it to reveal a large gift box. Raising his eyebrow at his boyfriend, who just nods, he opens the gift box and finds three artificial roses. They each have a small tag on them: the past, the present, and the future.

“I didn’t realize consider this to be a gift.” Connor scoots closer to Will. “These three roses symbolize our relationship.” He motions with his hand. “The past, representing everything that has brought us to this point. The present, representing where we are now, madly in love, living together, and celebrating our first Christmas together. And the future, representing the amazing future that we are going to have together.”

Will looks at his adorably sweet boyfriend. “I don't even know what to say. I mean, I love my watch and my jacket, but this is probably my favorite gift that I’ve ever gotten. It’s so sweet and thoughtful, thank you, baby.”

Connor smiles and Will kisses him. “I know they’re artificial, but I want to put them somewhere.” He pulls them out of the box and sees a small gift box that was hiding underneath I them. “More?”

Connor just shrugs and laughs, Will opens it to reveal a small velvet box. A stunned Will turns to Connor, who proceeds to get down on one knee next to him. Taking the velvet box in his hand, he opens it to reveal a gold engagement with small diamonds in the inset and a black finish.

Hand over his mouth, Will looks down at a smiling Connor. “Will, my life changed the day you walked into it. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was meeting the guy I had been waiting my entire life for. For the first time, someone saw me for who I really was and not only accepted me for it, but loved me for it, too. You make me feel complete in every single way possible and have made me happier than I ever thought I deserved. You restored my faith in love and made me believe in meant to be because that’s what we are. Meant to be together, forever, because you are my soulmate. I am totally head over heels, crazy in love with you, Will and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

“Yes, Connor,” Will excitedly replies. “I would love to marry you.”

A grinning Connor slips the ring on Will’s finger before the both of them get up and kiss ardently.

“I love you so much, Connor.” Will hugs him tightly. “This is-this is amazing. I love this ring.”

“I’m glad you do, babe.” Connor squeezes his new fiancé’s hand. “As soon as I saw it, I knew it was perfect for you.”

“I have to be honest, though.” Will bites his lip. “You kinda beat me to the punch.”

Connor furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Will sheepishly replies. “I was going to propose to you on New Year's.”

“Aw, really?” Connor grins. “I guess great minds think alike, huh?”

“I guess so.” Will laughs and tilts his head. “I bought a ring and even though you beat me to the proposal, I’d still like to give to you.”

“That’s really sweet,” Connor replies with a chuckle. “I wasn’t even planning on having an engagement ring for myself, but I’d love to wear the ring you got me.”

“Be right back.” Will disappears into the bedroom and emerges carrying a small velvet box.

“You may have beat me to the proposal, but I want to do this the right way.” He motions for Connor to sit on the couch and once he does, Will gets on one knee in front of him and opens the velvet box to reveal a silver ring with black sapphires in the inset. “Connor, you have filled my life with more meaning, happiness, and love than I ever thought possible. I know it wasn’t the easiest road to get here, but our love is real and true and nothing will ever come between us. Flaws and all, you accept me and love me without question and I couldn’t imagine someone more perfect to spend my life with. I am in love with every single thing about you, will you marry me?”

“I would be honored.” Connor replies as Will slips the finger onto his finger. Once again, they both stand up and kiss before embracing. Best Christmas ever.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, the next day, December 25, 2016 (Christmas Day), 2 P.M.**

Connor walks into the kitchen where Will is making a salad in a large bowl. “So, who do you think will be get here first?”

Will, who is cutting up tomatoes, drops them into the salad. “I’m gonna say my brother and Erin since they’re bringing the rest of the food.” He turns to Connor. “Your dad is coming with Claire, right?”

“He is.” Connor responds, opening the cupboard and taking out glasses. “I think we’re gonna have a great day.”

“Me too, babe.” Will starts chopping up two cucumbers for the salads. “I’m just sorry John and Derek couldn’t join us.”

“I know, they were sorry, too.” Connor sadly replies, walking towards him. “But they haven’t had a chance to see their families since everything happened so they took two weeks off to visit them in L.A.”

Will nods. “How come Claire isn’t bringing Russell?”

“They spent last night together.” Connor walks closer to Will. “I told her to bring him, but she said they agreed to spend Christmas Day with their families.”

“Russell’s a nice guy,” Will dries his hand with a dish towel. “I think he’s good for Claire.”

“I do, too,” Connor wraps his arms around Will’s waist. “but not as good as you are for me.”

Will relaxes into Connor’s arms and puts his hand on top of Connor’s. “We’re good together, baby.”

Connor kisses Will’s cheek and Will smirks. “Someone was pretty insatiable last night.”

“Looks who's talking.” Connor grins, putting his head on Will’s shoulder. “I guess getting engaged increased both our sex drives.”

“I guess so,” Will laughs. “and now that we’re engaged, this is officially our first holiday as a betrothed couple.”

“I don’t think people say that anymore, babe.” Connor jokingly mocks. “Unless you’re Monica and Chandler from _Friends_.”

“Hey,” Will lightly elbows Connor in the stomach. “don’t make fun of my excitement.”

“I’m only kidding.” Connor chuckles. He turns Will around and pulls him into his arms. “I’m excited, too. How could I not be, knowing that I am going to marry the guy I love most in the world?”

Connor leans in to kiss him and then there is a knock at the door. Pressing their foreheads together, they smile at each other. “Let’s get our first Christmas together started.”

Forty five minutes later, Connor, Will, Jay, Erin, Claire, and Cornelius are sitting in the living room eating some snacks.

“The food will be a while.” Erin announces as she walks in to join everyone in the living room. “You guys have an amazing kitchen, everything’s so new and fancy.”

“We’re hoping you and my sister will help teach us how to cook,” Connor looks at Will. “so we can use it more often.”

“Of course,” Claire replies as Erin nods in agreement.

“Your sister’s a great cook, Connor.” Cornelius says with a smile. “She got it from your mom.”

Connor looks down at the mention of his mother and Will grabs his hand. “We have an announcement to make.”

Patting Connor on the knee, they stand up. “We’re engaged!”

The room erupts in screams of excitement as they show their engagement rings.

“When, how…oh, tell us later!” Claire excitedly stands up to hug them. “Congratulations! I knew you guys were gonna make it.”

“I’m so happy for you guys!” Erin hugs Connor and Jay hugs his brother. Jay then turns to Connor.

“See, I knew all that practice hugging was for a reason. Come here, future my brother-in-law.”

Connor laughs and hugs Jay before turning to his dad.

“Connor,” Cornelius puts his hands on his son’s shoulder. “I am so happy that you found Will and that you guys are going to share your lives. You have made me so proud and…” He clears his throat, choking back his emotion. “…I’m so sorry it took me such a long time to come around and see the error of my ways. I never would’ve forgiven myself if I missed out on this moment. I love you so much, son, and I’m just…I’m so grateful that you gave me another chance to be in your life and share in the love you and Will have for each other.”

Blinking back a tear, Connor looks around and sees his sister, Jay, and Erin looking on at this emotional moment. He leans in to hug his father. “I love you too, Dad. All’s forgiven, I’m…I’m so happy you’re here to share this with.”

Cornelius hugs his son tightly before turning to Will, putting his hand on Will’s shoulder. “And you, Will, I am so happy that Connor found someone like you to be with. I thank you for coming into his life and changing it for the better. Not to mention changing my life by opening my eyes to the fact that love has no gender. My wife, Connor’s mother, would’ve just adored you and I am honored to know that you will be my son-in-law.”

Speechless, Will extends his hand, but Cornelius leans in to hug Will. “Handshakes are too formal for family.”

They break the hug and Cornelius looks between the two of them. “Love is an amazing thing and I wish the two of you nothing but happiness. I know your mom is smiling down at us right now, Connor.”

Will kisses Connor. “So, let’s get a better look at the rings.”

They both laugh as their families gather around to see their rings.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, December 31, 2016, 11:58 P.M.**

Will and Connor are cuddled up on the couch, in their pajamas, watching the New Year's Eve special from Times Square on television.

Will looks at his phone as Connor sits up. “Less than two minutes.” He sees the exhaustion on his boyfriend’s face. “Aw, baby, you look tired.”

“I am.” Connor yawns. “It was a long day at work. I don’t know how you’re not tired.”

Will shrugs his shoulders. “I’m too excited to be tired. In sixty seconds, we’ll be starting the new year as an engaged couple.”

“At least you didn’t say betrothed.”

Will lightly hits him as Connor scoots closer. “Sorry babe, just kidding.”

They both chuckle and turn toward the television. “Here we go. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…Happy New Year!”

Will and Connor turn to each other and share a passionate kiss. 2016 was a hell of a year for them, getting together, breaking up, and getting back together. It hasn’t been the easiest road, but with some time in therapy, their relationship is in it's best place.

“I love you, Connor,” Will brushes his hand against Connor’s cheek.

“I love you too, Will.” Connor kisses Will’s hand. "I can’t wait to marry you.”

Will pulls Connor in for a hug. They are truly meant to be and 2017 is going to be a great year for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Now that you've finished the chapter, please check out the Pinterest board for this chapter to help you with all the visualizations. I couldn't include it at the beginning because I didn't wanna spoil anything: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-50/.
> 
> 2.) Please review.


	51. A Lucky Suprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Streets of Chicago, Tuesday, January 3, 2017, 2 P.M.**  
  
There is a car accident with Chicago police offers, firefighters, and EMT’s on the scene.  
  
“Victims’s name is Amanda Williams.” Ruzek tells Voight. “Car slid on the ice and crashed into the pole. She was DOA when we got here.”  
  
“What about her son?”  
  
“5-year-old Logan Williams.” Ruzek reads from his notepad. “Minor injuries from the crash. He was scared, but conscious and talking. He’s with Antonio and the EMTs now.”  
  
Voight shakes his head. “What about the kid’s did? Is he in the picture?”  
  
“Not sure, Sarg.” Atwater replies. “We’ll find out.”  
  
Voight sighs. “Another Chicago winter taking a life and leaving a child without his mother, what a shame.”  
  
**Scene : Chicago Med, 3 P.M.**  
  
Connor is sitting in the break room reading the paper when the door opens. He looks up and sees Will walking in with Diane, the head of HR. “Babe, look who wanted to stop by.”  
  
“Diane,” Connor walks over and gives her a hug. “it’s so good to see you, how are you?”  
  
“I’m good,” Diane smiles. “I wanted to come congratulate you guys. It feels like yesterday the two of you were meeting with me to sign the hospital’s fraternization policy.” She looks at the handsome couple. “And now look at you, engaged to be married. I had a good feeling about you guys and I couldn’t be more thrilled for you.”  
  
“Thanks.” Will smiles at Connor. “How’s Susan feeling?”  
  
“She’s good,” Diane replies. “Going on three months of remission, thank God.”  
  
“That’s wonderful.” Connor clears his throat. “We’d love to have you guys over for dinner soon.”  
  
“Maybe this weekend?” Will suggests.  
  
“That’s very sweet,” Diane replies with a smile as her phone beeps. “I have to get back upstairs, but I’ll talk to Susan and let you guys know.”  
  
Connor and Will wave as Diane walks out when an announcement comes over the P.A. system.  
  
“Dr. Rhodes to the O.R., Dr. Rhodes to the O.R.”  
  
“Gotta run, babe.” Connor stands up and kisses Will. “See you later, I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too.” Will smiles as he starts to think about how far they’ve come since they first met Diane.  
  
His thoughts are interrupted by Maggie knocking on the window. Standing up, Will walks into the hallway. “What’s up, Maggie?”  
  
“We have a patient in trauma two, little boy.” Maggie informs him. “He was just brought in, was in a car accident with his mom.”  
  
“On it.” Will grabs his iPad and heads to the trauma room. Pushing open the door and curtain, he sees a young boy, probably about five years old, with medium-length, messy blonde hair and dark eyes. He has a few cuts on his face.  
  
“Hi, buddy.” Will rubs Purell on his hands. “Can you tell me your name?”  
  
“Lo-Logan.” The young boy nervously responds as he looks around.  
  
“I’m Will,” He opens his iPad. “and I’m gonna take good care of you. How are you feeling? Does your head hurt?”  
  
“A little.” Logan hesitantly replies. “What am I doing here? Where’s my mommy?” His breathing starts to intensify as his nerves take over.  
  
“It’s ok, buddy.” Will puts his hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Just breathe, everything's going to be ok.”  
  
Logan takes deep breaths as the curtain opens to reveal Natalie. “Hi Will, need a hand?”  
  
“Please.” He looks towards Logan whose breathing has calmed. “This is Logan.”  
  
“Well, hi there, Logan.” Natalie says with a smile, walking over to him. “I’m Natalie.” She sees his hand shaking. “You don’t have to be scared, honey. Will and I are doctors.”  
  
“Do you know where my mommy is?” Logan asks her, a hint of panic in his voice.  
  
“I don’t,” She looks at Will. “but we’re going to find out.” Natalie takes a seat next to his bed. “Can you tell me how old you are?”  
  
“Five.” Logan replies, feeling more relaxed with Natalie in the room. “My birthday’s in September.”  
  
“What a big boy.” Natalie sweetly says to him. “So while we find out about your mom, Will and I want to help you. Is that ok?”  
  
Logan looks down and nods.  
  
“Can you tell us what happened?”  
  
“Mommy and I were in the car,” Logan responds, sounding a little unsure. “but then the car started going really fast. I got scared and Mommy tried to stop, but the car kept going. Then I remember the flashing lights and loud noises and being with the police man who took me here.”  
  
“Antonio.” Will clarifies to Natalie. “He went with Logan in the ambulance.”  
  
“Ok, that’s good, Logan.” Natalie says with a smile. “I want Will to listen to your breathing and check to make sure nothing happened to you. It’ll be fast and I’ll be sitting here the whole time, alright?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Will puts his stethoscope to his ears and listens to Logan’s heart and lungs. He then checks Logan’s ears and shines a light in his eyes. “Follow my finger, buddy.” He holds up three fingers. “How many fingers?”  
  
“Three.” Logan replies before looking to Natalie.  
  
“Very good, buddy.”  
  
Will examines Logan’s head for any bumps. “Does your head hurt?” Logan shakes his head no. “Does it hurt when I touch you here?” He puts his finger on one of the cuts and Logan winces in pain.  
  
“Ow!”  
  
“It’s alright, Logan.” Natalie reassures him, putting her hand on his leg. “Will's just checking to make sure you’re okay.”  
  
“Everything looks good.” Will tells Natalie, putting his stereoscope around his neck. “Breathing’s normal, heart and lungs sound good. Ears are clear, vision is good. No bumps or contusions on his head, those cuts on his face seem to be it and they’re not deep. A little healing ointment and they’ll be gone.”  
  
“You did a great job, buddy.” Will bends down to be eye level with Logan. “I know your cuts hurt, but they’re going to get better.”  
  
Logan looks at Will before turning to Natalie. “Can I go home now? Did you find my mommy?”  
  
“Not yet, sweetie,” Natalie tells him. “but you stay here for a minute, Will and I will be right back.”  
  
“No!” Logan grabs Natalie’s hand as she starts to stand up. “Don’t go!”  
  
Natalie looks at Will before sitting back down. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
Will nods at Natalie before walking out. Poor little boy is scared, at least he feels safe with Natalue.  
  
**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, two days later (Thursday), 8 P.M.**  
  
Having just finished dinner, Connor, Will, John, and Derek are sitting in the living room.  
  
“Guys, your apartment looks great!” John looks around. “Spacious and open, the perfect place for you guys to begin your life together.”  
  
“Speaking of,” Derek pulls an envelope out of his jacket pocket. “We know it’s not much, but it’s our way of congratulating you guys. Something to get you started."  
  
“Thanks, guys.” Will puts the envelope on the table.  
  
Connor puts his arm around Will. “That’s very kind of you, thank you.”  
  
“Have you started making any plans?”  
  
“Not yet.” Connor replies, snuggling closer to Will. “Will’s brother is engaged as you guys know and him and his fiancée have been planning it for months. So we’re going to focus on their wedding first and then think about ours.”  
  
“I don’t want to pry,” Derek hesitantly starts. “but John mentioned to me that you guys were in therapy and I haven’t wanted to ask, but I assume things are going well.”  
  
“Very well.” Connor replies, taking Will's hand. “Our therapist has really helped us learn how to communicate and understand each other better than we ever did before.”  
  
“Plus,” Will adds. “working with Dr. Neal has given us a lot of perspective and has helped us grow both individually and as a couple.” He looks towards John. “I know it was your suggestion, John, and I want to thank you because it’s the best thing we could’ve done.”  
  
“My pleasure,” John replies with a smile. “I’m glad it’s worked and that you guys have gotten so much out of it.”  
  
“I don’t know how much John told you,” Derek clears his throat. “but going to therapy saved our relationship, and we’ve never been stronger as a result.”  
  
Derek kisses John before their conversation is interrupted by a knock at the door.  
  
Will turns to Connor. “Who could that be?”  
  
John grins at his husband as Connor and Will go answer the door. They are greeted by Jay and Claire.  
  
“Jay, Claire, hey. What are you doing here?”  
  
“We have something for you.” Jay announces as Derek and John walk towards the door. “It’s from the five of us, an engagement present.”  
  
Erin walks up to the porch carrying a small white Maltese puppy. “Surprise!”  
  
“A puppy?!?” Jay, Erin, and Claire walk into the apartment and after Erin puts the puppy down, he immediately runs over to Connor and Will. “I think he likes you guys.”  
  
“Aw!” Connor and Will bend down as the puppy jumps all over them. Will scoops him up in his arms. “Guys, he’s adorable. But, how did you know we were thinking of getting a dog?”  
  
“Will had mentioned it a couple of months ago.” John explains. “So when we found out you guys got engaged, we contacted Jay, Erin, and Claire and decided on getting a puppy for your engagement. We all went to the adoption center and picked him out together.”  
  
“He’s a Maltese, about six months old.” Claire pets the dog, who licks her hand. “He’s had all his shots and everything. He won’t get much bigger and he’s also hypoallergenic, which was a requirement since we know you both have allergies.”  
  
“I love him!” Will smiles as the dog tries to lick his face. “This is such a nice surprise.”  
  
Connor pets the puppy who barks a little. “Thank you guys so much.”  
  
“Wait, there’s more,” Erin motions to the door where Jay comes walking in with a doggy bed, water bowl, dog food, and dog toys.  
  
“Oh, wow." Will and Connor look on in surprise. “You guys really thought of everything.”  
  
“It’s not much,” Jay sets everything down in the corner of the living room. “but it’s enough to get you guys started.”  
  
Derek laughs. “We couldn’t exactly get you a dog and nothing to take care of him with.”  
  
“Erin and I have to get back to work,” Jay checks his phone. “but we want you to name him before we go.”  
  
Will looks at Connor. “What do you think, babe?”  
  
“How about Lucky?” Connor suggests. “Since we were lucky enough to find each other.”  
  
“Aw.” Claire and Erin gush simultaneously.  
  
“I think it’s perfect.” Will grabs Lucky’s paws. “Welcome to the family, Lucky.”  
  
Will kisses Connor and Lucky barks. “I think he likes his name.”  
  
Everyone laughs. “We wish we could stay, but Voight is waiting for us to get back. We’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
“Thanks again.”  
  
“I have to get going, too.” Claire announces. “I have dinner plans with Russell.” She walks over to Lucky. “Goodnight, Lucky. I’ll be back to play with you soon.” She pets him and then kisses Will and Connor on their cheeks. “Goodnight guys, enjoy him.”  
  
“We will, thanks.”  
  
Will’s phone rings. “Oh, babe, can you take him for a second?”  
  
“Of course. Come here, Lucky,” Connor takes Lucky from Will as he goes to answer his phone. “Hello? Oh, hey Diane. What…what? Oh, no, when? Ok, yes, we’ll be there as soon as possible.”  
  
“Babe,” A concerned Connor calls out to him. “what’s wrong?”  
  
“That was Diane,” Will is holding his phone in his hand, trying to process the news. “Susan fainted and is being rushed to the hospital. Diane asked if we could meet her at the hospital.”  
  
“Oh, my God.” Connor puts Lucky down. “Let’s go.” He turns to John and Derek. “I’m sorry, but do you guys mind staying with Lucky for like an hour or two?”  
  
“No, of course not.” John replies, picking Lucky up. “Go, do what you have to do.”  
  
“We’ll be here, so take your time,” Derek assures them as they quickly put on their jackets and walk out the door.  
  
**Scene : 21st District, 9 P.M.**  
  
Jay is sitting at his desk filling out some papers. “Halstead, can I see you for a second, please?”  
  
Jay gets up and walks into Voight's office. “Close the door.”  
  
He does so and then crosses his arms over his chest. “What’s up, Sarg?”  
  
“Remember that accident from the other day?” Voight leans forward in his chair. “The car accident where the DOA had a son?”  
  
“I do.”  
  
“I’ve been waiting on the boy’s birth certificate since it was from out of state,” Voight stands up and picks up a folder from his desk. “Before I give this to you, I want you to know that I had the boy’s DNA tested to be sure.”  
  
Jay’s face contorts in confusion. “His DNA? What are you talking about?” Voight's hands him the folder and upon opening it, Jay is so flabbergasted that he needs to take a seat.  
  
“Wait,” Jay shakes his head in disbelief. “This…you’re telling me that my brother, _my_ brother Will, is that little boy’s father?”  
  
_**To Be Continued…**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Please review.
> 
> 2.) There is a picture of Connor & Will's new puppy on one of my Pinterest boards: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.


	52. How Is This Possible?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : 21st District (con’t)**

“This is impossible.” Jay puts the folder down and stands up. “It's just the birth certificate, it could be wrong. Not to be crass, but we all know Will’s gay; he’s never slept with women.”

“Jay,” Voight tries to put this gently. “I don’t know Will very well, but from what I understand, he was in the closet for a long time. He might not have told you, but maybe he did sleep with women while he was, which makes this possible.” He points to the folder. “Aside from the birth certificate, Will’s DNA is in the system since he’s a doctor and I had it tested against the boy’s. The results are in the folder and if you look, it’s a match: Will is the father.”

Jay picks up the folder and opens it to look at the test results. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Listen, Jay,” Voight walks over to him. “your brother’s a great guy and I admire how brave & proud he and Connor are of who they are & of their relationship. As far as I’m concerned, they exemplify the fact that all love is equal. I know they just got engaged and things are going well for them, so this is why I wanted to tell you because Will has to hear this from you.” He put his hand on Jay’s shoulder. “This is going to be a lot for him to swallow and I think it’s best it comes from his brother instead of me or anyone else.”

“What do you mean anyone else?” A confused Jay asks. “Like who?

“DCFS,” Voight sighs. “Logan’s with them and they had to approve taking his DNA for the test so they know. We have one day to tell your brother or they’re going to do it themselves.”

“Is that his name?” Jay struggles to get out of the words. “Logan...is that the name of my-my nephew?”

“Yes, he’s five years old.”

Jay takes a deep breath. “Does he have any other relatives?”

“His birth certificate is from Massachusetts so I’m reaching out to local police and seeing what they can come up.”

“So if I don’t tell Will in the next 24 hours, then they’ll do it for me.” Jay shakes his head. “That would only make it worse.”

“Even more reason you need to be the one who tells him.” Voight rationalizes. “I pleaded with the DCFS case worker to give us time, you’re family and the only hope of telling Will without sending him into a tailspin.”

Jay nods. “Does anyone else know?”

“No, the test results just came in an hour ago.” Voight walks back behind his desk. “But, this case caught a lot of media attention; the city is being blamed for the ice that led to the death of Logan’s mother, Amanda. People, reporters and the department alike, are going to be wondering if we’ve found the father of this now motherless child. Your brother needs you to do this, Jay.”

“You’re right.” Jay sighs. “I just don’t know how to tell him. Especially since he never said anything to me about Amanda or sleeping with women, he obviously hasn’t wanted to talk about it.”

“I have faith that you’ll find a way.” Voight picks up the phone. “You know what? I’m gonna give Massachusetts PD another call and see if they’ve found anything.”

“Thanks, Sarg,” Jay walks towards the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, 8:30 P.M.**

Connor and Will enter the E.R. and see Diane in the waiting room. “Diane, how is she?”

“Dr. Choi is in with her now,” Diane hugs each of them. “I haven’t heard anything.”

“Come, let's sit down.” Will takes Diane’s hand and leads her to a seat. “What happened?”

“I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and Susan was in the other room watching television.” Diane explains, choking back the emotion. “I suddenly heard a bang and I ran into the living room. Susan was laying on the floor, unconscious, and it looked like she knocked over a vase when she fell.” She shakes her head. “This just can’t be happening, she was just going on three months of remission.”

“Has she been complaining of not feeling well?” Connor inquires. “Headaches, nausea, anything?”

“She had a bad headache the other day, but we didn’t think anything of it.”

Will puts his hand on Diane’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. “Ethan’s going to check her out and see what happened, he’ll have some answers.”

Connor looks up and sees Ethan standing by the front desk and motioning with his head for Connor to come over. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back. Would you like water or anything, Diane?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

Connor walks over to Ethan. “How’s Susan? Is she conscious?”

“She’s regained consciousness, but she hit her head when she fell,” Ethan clears his throat. “But, um…it looks like her cancer is back. We ran some tests and the CT scan showed that her brain tumor has reformed and it’s gotten bigger.” He motions to the trauma room. “I know Dr. Richards is her doctor so I called him to look at everything. He’ll have the final word, but from what I could see, it doesn’t look good, Connor. The tumor has reformed in a spot in the brain where surgery is very risky. Her blood levels are also high, which suggests that the cancer is spreading and the fact that the tumor regrew to such a large size suggests that it's spreading quickly.”

“Oh, my God.” Connor shakes his head, not believing he’s hearing. “Thanks, Ethan.”

“Of course.” Ethan nods and walks off, leaving Connor to his thoughts. Poor Susan, cancer really is a bitch.

Forty-five minutes later, Connor and Will are sitting in the waiting room when Diane walks in. “Diane, what’d Dr. Richards say?”

“It’s bad.” Diane takes a seat. “The tumor’s back and it’s really big. The cancer is spreading and due to the size of the tumor, it's spreading from her brain to the rest of her body quickly. The problem is that the tumor is in a place where surgery is very risky and could leave Susan brain damaged.” Tears well up in her eyes. “The only option is more chemo and radiation, but because of how the tumor is metastasizing, Dr. Richards isn’t sure it’ll work. Without surgery, he thinks she only has a few weeks.”

“Diane,” Connor reaches for her hand. “I am so sorry. We both are.”

Will rubs a now crying Diane's back. “Is there anyone we can call for you? Like family or something?”

“No.” Diane wipes away her tears as more come pouring out. “My parents and her parents are both gone. Back when we got together, being gay was considered so transgressive that our families stopped talking to us. We haven’t heard from them in over twenty years.” She chokes back her tears. “It’s just been the two of us all these years, I don’t know how I’m going to go on without her.”

Diane breaks down in tears and Connor pulls her into a hug, letting her cry on his shoulder.

“I’m gonna go take a walk.” Will gets up and walks outside, unable to sit still any longer. Susan and Diane are the kindest, sweet people, how the fuck is this fair?!

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, the next day (Friday), 8 A.M.**

Wearing a tank top and blue sweat pants, Connor walks into the kitchen to make some coffee. Man, last night was really tough. Poor Susan’s prognosis is terrible and Diane was an absolute mess. And Will really took it really hard, he barely even spoke when they got home last night, and Connor knows it’s because his mom died of cancer.

Connor gets up to pour himself some cereal and make some toast. Standing at the counter buttering his toast, he turns around when he hears footsteps. “Good morning, babe.”

“Morning, babe.” Will walks over and kisses his fiancé. He leans his head on Connor’s shoulder.

“How long have you been up?”

“Just a few minutes.” Connor responds kissing Will’s forehead. “Do you want some of my toast?”

“I’m gonna have some cereal.” Will responds walking over to the cabinet and pulling out a bowl and a box of Rice Krispies.

After pouring himself some coffee, Will joins Connor at the kitchen island. “Any word from Diane this morning?”

“Not yet,” Connor takes a bite of his toast. “her and Susan are probably both still sleeping.” He sees the far off look on Will’s face. “Did you sleep, baby?”

“A little,” Will responds, adding some milk to his cereal. “I just-I couldn’t stop thinking about poor Susan and Diane. They’re such good people and it’s so unfair that Susan’s cancer is back.”

“I know,” Connor replies sadly. “it is unfair. But I also know you’re taking this so hard because your mother had cancer.”

“Yeah.” Will looks down. “Every time I hear cancer, it stirs something in me. Even as a doctor, when the diagnosis is cancer, it affects me differently. And now that Susan’s brain cancer has returned, it feels like my mom's all over again.”

“Aw, babe,” Connor reaches for his hand. “I know how hard it is to lose to your mom, but Susan and Diane need us. We’re all they have and we’re gonna stand strong together and be there for whatever they need.”

“You’re right.” Will squeezes his hand. “I love you, baby, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you, too, and you’re never gonna have to find out.” Connor leans in and kisses Will.

Their kiss is interrupted by a bark and they turn around to see their new puppy, Lucky, by the fridge. “I guess he wants breakfast, too.” They both laugh.

“Are you hungry, buddy?” Connor bends down to pet him before grabbing the dog food and filling up his bowl. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay with him today while I’m with Claire?”

“Of course.” Will sips his coffee. “You go help Claire, Lucky and I will be just fine.”

Connor checks his phone. “I should start getting ready, Claire’s movers are coming at 9.”

“Are you sure you don't need my help, babe? We could bring Lucky and Claire could watch him while I help you move her into Russell’s.”

“I’m positive,” Connor grabs his coffee cup and puts it in the sink. “Russell took off work today so I’m just giving him a hand.” He wraps his arm around Will’s waist. “You stay home with our new puppy and I’ll be home to join you guys in a few hours.”

Will smiles as Connor kisses him on the cheek.

Two hours later, Will is in the living room playing with Lucky when he hears a knock at the door.

“Coming.”

Picking Lucky up in his arms, he opens the door and sees Jay. “Jay, hey.”

“Hey.” Jay looks at Lucky. “Hey there, Lucky, remember me?” Lucky licks his hand.

“I think he does, come on in. What are you doing here?” Will puts Lucky down. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I actually need to talk to you about something.” Jay looks around. “Is Connor here?”

“No, his sister’s moving in with Russell today so he’s helping out.” Will takes a seat at the kitchen island and looks into the living room to check on Lucky, who is playing with his toy. He smiles and motions for his brother to join him. “What’s up, Jay?”

“Um,” Jay tries to figure out how to start this. “do you know someone named Amanda Williams?”

“Wow, I haven’t heard that name in years.” Will nods. “But, yeah, we went to med school together. Had to be five, five and a half years ago. Why do you ask?”

“We caught a case the other day, DOA from a car accident.” Jay replies. “The DOA was Amanda, her car slid on some ice and crashed into a pole, she died on impact.”

“Oh, no.” Will shakes his head. “That’s terrible.”

“How well did you know her?”

“Um,” Will takes a second to think. “we had classes together my second and third year of med school, we became friends; we’d hang out and study together. She was a nice girl, very smart. Come to think of it, she suddenly disappeared after Christmas break in 2010. When we came back in 2011, she was nowhere to be found. Someone said she moved out of state, but no one knew why.”

Jay shifts uncomfortably, not sure how to broach this subject. “Will, were you and Amanda more than friends?”

Will furrows his brow. “What do you mean, more than friends?”

“Um," Jay hesitates. “Did you and Amanda ever sleep together?”

“I-I…” Will stutters, caught off guard by the question. “…I’m not sure how that’s relevant.”

“Will, please.” Jay pleads. “Did you and Amanda ever sleep together?”

“Fine, yes,” Will sighs. “Amanda had a crush on me and I was in the closet and confused about who I was, so we slept together. Twice. But I still don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“Was the last time you slept together before Christmas break in 2010?”

Will tilts his head. “I think so, actually.” Will pauses as he starts to get an inkling of where his brother is going with this. “Wait, Jay, what are you saying?”

“Amanda has a five year old son, he was in the car when it crashed. He’s fine and is with DCFS now.” Jay takes a deep breath, struggling to get these words out. “Will, his name’s Logan and you-you’re the father.”

“What?!” Will practically jumps off the kitchen stool, screaming in shock. “No! I’m gay, I can’t have a kid.” The realization suddenly hits like a strong wind, causing him to sit down. “Oh, my God, Jay. No, this can’t be.”

“I’m sorry, Will,” Jay gently responds. “but it’s true. They did a DNA test, Logan is your son.”

“I…” Will puts his hand over his mouth, trying to wrap his mind around this. “I treated him the other day. Logan…he came in the other day, had a few cuts on his head. He was scared, but a sweet kid.” He looks at his brother, trying to process everything. “Are you telling me that I treated my own son?”

“I am.”

“But we used a condom. How…” Will shakes his head, at a complete loss. “…how is this possible? How could I have a son for five years and not know about it?”

“I don’t know, Will.” Jay responds. “Amanda was living with her mother in Massachusetts, Voight is trying to get in touch with her.”

“I have a son, I’m a father.” Will listens to himself say these words. “This is insane, absolutely insane. I can’t be a father.“ He pauses for a moment before continuing. “Connor was the one who wanted kids, I’m the one who said I didn’t.” Will stands up and starts to pace. “ _I’m_ the one who said I didn’t want the responsibility and now I suddenly have a five year old son, talk about irony. I don’t know how to do this...how…”

“Woah, Will.” Jay grabs his brother’s arm. “Relax, breathe. Take a seat, deep breaths.”

Will sits back down and takes a couple of breaths. “When did you find out?”

“Last night,” Jay responds, handing his brother a glass of water. “Voight told me, after he did the DNA test and got the birth certificate with your name on it. He convinced the DCFS case worker to let us tell you. Voight thought that it would be best coming from me and I think he was right.”

“Wait,” Will puts his hand up. “my name is listed on the birth certificate as the dad?”

“It is, I have everything in the car.”

Will shakes his head. “This just can’t be, I can’t have a son. I’m not parent material. _Connor_ is parent material, not me.”

“Listen to me, Will,” Jay puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Logan is out there, scared and confused having just lost his mom. So you need to put your doubts and your fears aside because that little boy needs his father right now and that’s you.”

“You’re right,” Will stands up, finishing his water in an attempt to pull himself together. “I should go see him.”

“For what it’s worth, I’ve always thought you’d make a great dad because you’re caring and you have a big heart. And I’m not just saying that because you’re my brother.”

Will laughs as he grabs his jacket and keys. “Thanks, Jay. Would you mind giving me a ride? Oh wait, someone has to stay with Lucky.”

“I’ll call Erin and ask her to stay with him.” Jay’s phone beeps and he checks it see a text from Voight. “It’s Voight, they found Amanda’s mother. Her plane just landed and she’s on her way to DCFS to see Logan. She should be there when you get there so you can get some answers to the questions you have.” He dials Erin’s number and walks into the other room. “I won’t say anything, be right back.”

Will nods at his brother, struggling to stop his mind from racing. Jay’s right, though. Logan needs him right now and that’s all that matters. Logan, his son, wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	53. Stepping Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) Please check out the Pinterest board for this chapter as it will introduce you to all of the new characters:  
> https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-53/.

**Scene : Department of Child and Family Services, 2 hours later (12 P.M.)**

Will walks into the DCFS facility and approaches the front desk, where there is a short, dark haired woman seated. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m Will Halstead.” Will clears his throat. “I’m here to see Logan Williams, my son.”

“I’ll go find the case worker.” The woman stands up and walks away as Voight approaches.

“Will, hi.”

“Hi, Sergeant Voight.” Will walks over to him. “How’s Logan?”

“He’s good.” Vought puts his arm around Will’s neck. “Come, let’s go this way.” They walk down the corridor. “How are you doing with everything? I know this is a lot to process.”

“I’m alright,” Will takes a deep breath. “I want to thank you for talking to the case worker and convincing her to let Jay tell me. If it had been anyone else, I don’t think I would be functioning right now.”

“Of course.” Voight motions towards the door, which has a small window.

“Is he in there? My-my son?”

“He is.” Voight confirms. “His grandmother, Amanda’s mother, has been in there with him for about an hour. The case worker should be back in a few minutes.”

“Who’s the case worker?” 

“I am.” A voice from behind them calls. Will and Voight turn around and see a middle-aged black woman with shoulder-length black hair and dark eyes wearing a gray business suit. “Janet Morgan. Who might you be?”

“I’m Will Halstead.” Will extends his hand. “Logan’s fa-father.”

Janet shakes his hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Halstead. Your son is very sweet, he was scared and confused, naturally, and was very glad to see his grandmother. Have you had any type of relationship with your son, Mr. Halstead?”

“Um, no.” Will hesitates. “I have not. He lived with his mom out of state.”

“Interesting.” Janet makes a note on her tablet as her phone rings. “I have to answer this call, I’ll be back soon.”

Janet walks off and Will turns to Voight. “Interesting? What did she mean by that?”

Before Voight can respond, the door opens and out walks Amanda’s mother, Beth Williams. “Sergeant Voight, hi. Who’s this?”

“I’m Will Halstead, Logan’s father.”

“Oh,” A surprised Beth responds, extending her hand to him. “Will, I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Will shakes her hand. “You, too.”

Voight checks his phone. “I’m gonna give you two some time to talk.”

“Thank you for everything, Sergeant Voight.” Beth says with a smile. “If you hadn’t reached out to me, I never would’ve known what happened.”

Voight nods as he walks off.

“How’s Logan?”

“He’s confused.” Beth sadly replies. “He kept asking for his mom and I…” She blinks back a few tears. “…I had to tell him she’s not coming back. He cried a lot before he finally calmed down, he’s reading right now. I’m not sure if he fully understood why his mom’s not coming back, though. Hell, I don’t even understand how it’s possible that my daughter is gone.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Can we find somewhere to talk?”

Beth wipes away her tears and sniffles. “Yeah, sure.”

They walks towards the front of the DCFS facility and see a small waiting area that has some chairs. “This looks good.”

They both take a seat. “Can I get you water or something, Ms. Williams?”

“I’m good, thanks. And please call me Beth.” Beth replies. “How’s your fiancé? His name’s Connor, right?”

“Um, he’s good,” A confused Will replies. “How did you know about him?”

“Amanda always checked up on your social media to see how you were doing.” Beth explains. “She was so happy and proud when you came out last year, she was so glad that you were finally owning who you were.”

“Wait,” Will puts his hand up. “Amanda knew I was gay? Is that why she didn’t tell me about Logan?”

“No, of course not.” Beth shakes her head. “When you two were in med school, Amanda liked you, Will. But she saw that you were struggling with your sexuality and she hated seeing you so conflicted. When you asked her out, she hoped that a date or two would help you realize the truth so you would stop hiding from yourself. Amanda never expected it go beyond dating, but then she found herself pregnant with your child. Even though she knew you would never like her the same way that she liked you, she thought you were a great guy and would make a great father.”

“So if it wasn’t about me being gay,” Will tries to keep his frustration in check. “then why didn’t she tell me?”

“It was your father.” Beth sighs. “Amanda found out she was pregnant right after New Years 2011 and she went to your house to tell you that she was going to keep the baby. Except you weren’t home, your father was, though. Amanda somehow let it slip that she was pregnant and…”

She trails off, hesitant to finish the story. “And what? Beth, please tell me.”

“Your father blackmailed her,” Beth exhales sharply. “He didn’t want you to know she was pregnant because you were on the path to a promising career as a doctor and he didn't want anything to interfere with that. So he gave her two options, she could move away and take his money to keep quiet about the baby or he would expose her father’s ‘extracurricular’ activities to the media.”

Will leans forward. “‘Extracurricular’ activities?”

Beth sighs. “Amanda’s father, my ex-husband, had a penchant for hiring prostitutes. That was why we got divorced and I moved to Massachusetts. He stayed in Chicago because he was a hot shot lawyer and somehow from his job as a Corrections Officer, your dad had tangible proof of my ex hiring prostitutes. So if Amanda didn’t agree to move and take his money to keep quiet about the baby, he would’ve turned over whatever he had to the media and ruined her father’s reputation and career. Amanda loved her father and wouldn’t let that happen so she agreed to move, take his money, and never utter a word to you about the baby. I remember how hysterical she was when she called me that day telling me that she needed to move to Massachusetts to live with me.”

“No wonder she wasn’t there for the next semester of med school,” A shocked Will leans back. “and why no one ever heard from her again.”

“Amanda didn't want to leave without saying anything to you about the baby,” Beth desperately tries to make Will understand. “but she knew your dad was serious about his threat to ruin her father and she couldn’t let that happen. Your dad continued to send money for about two and a half, maybe three years to make sure she kept quiet.”

Will sits quietly in his chair, his mind racing.

“Will,” Beth puts her hand on top of his. “not one day passed that Amanda didn’t regret keeping you in the dark. She always wished you were raising Logan with her.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t.” Will angrily snaps. “I missed the first five years of my son’s life all because of my asshole father and because Amanda cared more about her own father than our son knowing his.” He sees the sad look on Beth’s face and realizes his mistake. “I’m sorry, Beth, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. This isn't your fault.” He points down the hall. “It’s just… that little boy has lived without a father, without me, for five years. My father was basically absentee and I promised myself that I would never be like that if and/or when I had kids.”

“I’m sorry, Will.” Beth grabs his hand. “I know all of this is cold comfort now, but Amanda wanted nothing more than to tell you the truth. That's why she put your name on the birth certificate, it was her way of recognizing you as Logan’s dad without breaking her deal with your dad. Every single day, every time she looked at Logan, she thought of you."

Will chokes back his building emotion. “What was she doing in Chicago?”

“Her father has dementia and was put in an assisted living facility about a year ago. She was here for a few days with Logan to visit him.”

“So, what now?” Will sighs. “Are you gonna take Logan back to Massachusetts with you?”

“I could,” Beth nods. “I love Logan very much, but I’m not exactly in my prime anymore. I have osteoarthritis and while I was always good to watch Logan for a few hours while Amanda went to work or something, I don’t exactly have the strength or energy necessary to raise a five year old.” She tilts her head. “Besides, do you really want me to take him all the way back to Massachusetts?”

“No, I don’t. Now that I know he exists, I don’t ever wanna let him go again." Will looks down. “But…I have no idea to be a father, Beth. I never thought I was cut out. Besides, what if Logan doesn’t like me? He just knows me as the doctor who treated him the other day at the hospital, what if this is too much for him?”

“You treated him at the hospital?”

“Oh, that’s right, I didn’t mention it.” Will leans forward. “Logan was brought in after the accident to get checked out. Everything was good except for a few minor cuts on his head. He was sweet, but I couldn’t get him to talk to me. My co-worker came in to help me and she got Logan to open up. What if he finds out who I am and remembers how much he didn’t like me at the hospital?”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit, Will.” Beth tells him. “First of all, Logan doesn’t have many men in his life, aside from his grandfather, so that’s probably why it seemed as if he didn’t like you. Secondly, just talking to you these last few minutes, I can tell that you have a good heart and that you genuinely care for Logan. Even though that seems to surprise you for some reason.”

Will sadly nods. “My fiancé, Connor, and I had talked about having kids before we got engaged and I said I didn't want any because it was too much responsibility. I’ve only known Logan’s my son for three hours, but I feel this need to keep him safe and protect him, and I don’t know where it’s coming from or what it is.”

“Those are your parental instincts,” Beth sweetly replies. “and they’re coming naturally from inside you. As cliché as it sounds, everyone has them and finding out about Logan must have awoken yours.”

“Well, that’s good to know.” Will chuckles. “I never thought I had those.”

Beth laughs and they both look up to see Logan’s case worker Janet, walking over to them holding Logan’s hand. “Logan was looking for his grandma.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” Amanda greets Logan with a smile as he sits next to her. “How was that book?”

“It was okay,” Logan props himself up on his knees. “but I miss Mommy. Are you sure she’s not coming back?”

Beth brushes a piece of hair out of Logan’s face. “I’m sorry, but Mommy is gone.”

“Like Ellie from _Up_ , right?”

“Exactly,” Beth smiles sadly. “Mommy will always love you and she’ll always be up there watching you.” She pulls Logan onto her lap. “But there’s someone I want you to meet. This is Will.”

“Hi, Logan.” Will waves awkwardly. “Do you remember me?”

He points at Will. “You’re the doctor.”

“He’s actually not just the doctor.” Beth tries to figure out how to explain this. “You know how your friends have a mommy and daddy?”

Logan nods.

“Well, Will is your daddy.”

“My daddy.” Logan repeats. “But, where have you been?”

Will feels his heart shatter at that question and it takes all his strength to keep his tears from flowing. “You and your mommy lived far away so I couldn’t be with you, buddy. I’m sorry.”

Logan turns to Beth. “Is he telling a lie, like Pinocchio?”

“He really liked _Pinocchio_ when we saw it.” Beth tells Will. “No, sweetheart. Will wanted to be with you, but he couldn’t because he lives here in Chicago.”

“I want to take care of you now that Mommy’s gone,” Will says, much to his own surprise. “Would you want to come live with me?”

_Wow, these parental instincts really are natural._

“But, what about Grandma?”

“It’s okay, honey.” Beth hugs him tightly. “I will visit you and we can FaceTime, but I want you to live with your daddy.”

“What do you say, buddy?” Will asks hopefully. “Can I have the chance to be your daddy?”

“Hmm...” Logan puts his finger by his mouth. “Ok. But Mommy’s gone, so you have to pinky promise to never leave me.”

“I pinky promise.” Will puts out his pinky, but is surprised when Logan climbs onto his lap for a hug. He happily hugs his son to his chest, never wanting to let go.

Beth smiles. “And you were worried he wouldn’t like you.”

Janet, who had been observing from a distance, walks away. Looks like Logan has found his new home.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 1 P.M.**

Connor opens the apartment door. “Babe, I’m hom…” He stops his sentence when he sees Erin sitting on the living room floor playing with Lucky. “Oh, hey, Erin. What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Connor.” Erin pulls Lucky onto her lap. “Jay and Will had to go take care of something so Will asked me to watch Lucky.”

Connor takes his jacket off and hangs his keys on the hook. “What did they have to take care of?”

“I’m not sure,” Erin stands up. “they left about two hours ago, but Jay just texted me and said they’re on their way back.”

Connor nods, walking into the kitchen. “Do you want something to eat or drink?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

Connor grabs himself a water out of the fridge and turns to Erin. “How’s the wedding planning coming?”

“Good.” Erin takes a seat at the kitchen island. “It’s hard to believe the wedding’s just over a month away, time is flying.”

Before Connor can respond, the door opens and in walks Will. “Hey babe, there you are.” Connor walks over and kisses him. “Where have you been?”

“Uh, Jay and I had to take care of something.” Will takes his jacket off. “Erin, Jay’s waiting in the car for you. Thank you for staying with Lucky.”

“Of course,” Erin grabs her coat and walks towards Will. “I hope everything's ok.”

“Jay will fill you in.” Will leans in to hug her. “Thanks again.”

“See you later.” Erin waves as she walks out.

Will walks towards the living room and sees Connor on the couch holding Lucky. “How did Claire’s move go?"

“All good, pretty easy,” Connor notices the troubled expression on Will’s face and puts Lucky down. “but babe, is everything ok? You look like something’s wrong.”

“We need to talk,” Will stammers. “Well, I need to tell you something.”

“You can tell me anything, baby.” Will joins him on the couch. “What’s going on?”

Will clears his throat, unsure of how to start. “Do you remember how we talked about how we both slept with women while we were in the closet?”

Connor nods, unsure of where this is going on.

“My brother’s unit caught a case the other day.” Will tries to get right to the point. “A car accident and the victim was DOA. Her name was Amanda Williams, she’s one of the women I slept with.”

“Oh, no,” Connor grabs Will’s hand. “I’m so sorry, babe. That must’ve been tough.”

“There’s more...” Will bites his lip. “Um, Amanda has a five year old son that was in the car with her. He’s fine, but um…” He sighs. “Connor, he’s my son.”

“Your son?” Connor furrows his brow. “What are you...what are you talking about?”

“Amanda got pregnant from the last time we had sex,” Will calmly explains. “but she moved to live with her mom in Massachusetts without telling me about the baby. After the accident, Voight looked into it and both the birth certificate & blood test confirm that Logan is my son.”

Connor pulls his hands back, in shock. “How-how did you not know?”

“My father.” Will sighs, frustrated at the thought of what his father did. “Amanda’s mother is here and she explained that my dad had incriminating information that would’ve ruined Amanda’s father and he threatened to release it to the media if she told me about the baby and ruined my promising career as a doctor. The only way she could protect her dad was to move out of state without telling me about the baby and take his money to keep quiet, which is what she did.”

“I’m sorry.” A baffled Connor stands up and shakes his head. “This is just way too much for me to handle. You, my fiancé, have a five year old son. I can’t believe this.”

“I was just as surprised as you are, babe,” Will gently replies. “but it’s true.”

“You son…L-Lo-Logan.” Connor leans on the fireplace. “What’s going to happen to him?”

“Well, that’s what we need to talk about, babe.” Will stands up to face his fiancé. “After all these years without him, I’m not exactly going to let him go again. I want to take full custody of Logan and have him move in here with us.”

Connor’s eyes widen. “With us? Like, as our child?

“Well, I mean technically, he is only my son,” Will tries to rationalize. “but if he moves in, I would want us to parent him together. You did always want kids.”

Connor walks into the kitchen and starts pacing. “Yeah, a few years down the line. Once we were married and ready to be parents. But we just got engaged and it’s taken months of therapy for us to get this far. How could we be ready to be parents?”

“Look, Connor,” Will exhales sharply. “I know that this is a lot for you to take in right now and that I’m asking a lot, but if I don’t take custody of Logan, he's gonna end up in the foster care system.”

“What about his grandparents?”

“His grandfather has dementia and is in an assisted living,” Will explains. “and Amanda’s mom, Beth, she loves Logan, but due to her age, she’s not up to raising an energetic five year old. I just…I can't let my son end up in the system.”

Connor turns around to lean on the kitchen counter, lost in thought.

“I know this is a lot to ask of you and not how either of us expected our future to play out,” Will gently approaches Connor, putting his hand on his back. “but I love you so much and there is no one else in the world I’d rather raise Logan with than you. Assuming you’re up for it, of course.”

“I am.” Connor takes a deep breath, turning around to face Will. “You’re right, Logan can’t end up in the foster care system. With his mom gone, you’re the only parent he has now so he needs you to step up and be his dad. Which means I need to step up as well.” He clears his throat. “All I’ve ever wanted is for us to be together, that’s why I proposed, so I’m ready to do this. To raise your son together, because I love you more than anything, Will.”

Will puts his hand on his sweet fiancé’s face. “I am so incredibly blessed to be able to share my life with someone as kindhearted and generous as you. You are an amazing man and Logan is lucky that you’re going to be his dad, too.”

Connor smiles and Will pulls him into a tight hug. “Thank you, babe.”

“You don’t have to thank me." Connor rests his chin on Will's shoulder. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you’re the man I love and the man I cannot wait to spend my life with.”

Will kisses Connor passionately and pulls their bodies closer together. “Logan’s with his grandma and his case worker is coming by in a few hours to check out our apartment. That gives us some time alone and I think I know what we can do with that time.” He puts his hand under Connor’s shirt. “Let me show you just how much I love and appreciate you, baby.”

Connor grins, feeling himself getting turned on. “Lead the way, my love.”

Will smirks and grabs Connor’s hand, leading him to the bedroom for an afternoon of passionate lovemaking. Their love & commitment to each other is real & true and not even a bombshell like this can tear them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	54. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, five days later (Wednesday), 10 A.M.**

Connor is walking down the hall on the second floor when he hears a voice from behind him.

“Connor.”

He turns around and sees his dad. “Dad, hey.” He hugs him. “When did you get back?”

“Last night.” He puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I wasn't here, but this out of town business couldn't wait. I wanna hear everything though, do you have a few minutes to talk in my office?”

“Yeah,” Connor checks his watch. “my next surgery isn’t for an hour.”

“Come on.” He motions for Connor to follow him to his office and opening the door, they find an average height woman with short, curly dark hair and dark eyes wearing a navy blue blouse and black skirt sitting at Kevin’s old desk.

“Oh, Mr. Rhodes, hi. I didn’t know you were back.”

“Hi, Melissa. I just got back.” Cornelius gestures towards Connor. “You remember my son, right?”

“Of course.” Melissa smiles. “Nice to see you again, Dr. Rhodes.”

“You, too.”

“I was just emailing you some papers from the board meeting on Monday.” Melissa clicks the keys on her iPad. “They need to be reviewed and signed ASAP.”

“I’ll get right on it.” He clears his throat. “I’m sorry, Melissa, but can you please give my son and a few minutes alone?”

“Oh, of course. Not a problem.” Melissa stands up, grabbing her iPad and some papers. “I’ll be in Ms. Goodwin’s office if you need me.”

“Thanks.” Cornelius closes the door behind her.

“Melissa’s really great.” Connor tells his father as he takes a seat. “Everyone around here loves her. She’s so sweet and genuine, the total opposite of Kevin.”

“She is,” Cornelius sits at his desk. “She’s only been here two weeks, but she’s been doing a great job. Plus, I enjoy working with Melissa more than I did with Kevin as does Ms. Goodwin, and as you said, everyone loves her. As soon as she became available, the Board immediately recommended her and I’m very glad they did.” He puts his phone on silent. “Anyway, what's going on with Will’s son? His name’s Logan, right?”

“Yes, Logan.” Connor calmly responds. “He’s five years old, Will went to med school with the mother, Amanda. Amanda’s mother, Beth, flew here to claim the body and be with her grandson. The three of them then flew to Massachusetts to bury Amanda and so Will could get all of Logan’s things to bring here. He and Logan are coming back tonight.”

“Have you spoken to Will?”

“I have.” Connor shifts in his seat. “We’ve been in touch, but I’ve been giving him time to be with Logan. This is a big adjustment for everyone so I haven’t wanted to overstep my bounds. I actually offered to pick them up at the airport tonight, but Will said they’re going to take a cab.”

“So wait,” Cornelius puts his hand up. “have you met Logan?”

“No.” Connor shakes his head. “Logan’s been through a lot, losing his mom and finding out that Will is his dad, so we didn’t want to overwhelm him. He’s young and it’s a lot for him to get used to, so we decided it was best for me to meet Logan when they got back to Chicago.”

“Fair enough.” Cornelius taps his fingers on his desk. “Listen, Connor, I’m the last person to be giving advice on parenting and what it takes to raise children. Your mother, it came so naturally to her, she was nurturing, and all I did was make mistakes along the way. What I can tell you is that being a parent is going to change your life, and your relationship with Will, forever. I know this is all happening really fast and I just want to make sure you understand the reality of the situation.”

“I do. Truthfully, I’m nervous,” Connor bites his lip. “I mean, I've always wanted kids, and I wanted to have kids with Will, but I never saw it happening until we were married for a few years and in a little bit more of a secure place. It was a shock to learn about Logan, but he’s half of Will. Half of the man I love and wanna spend the rest of my life with, so I wanna raise Logan with Will. Besides, Logan lost his mom and he needs a stable & secure family, which we can provide for him.”

Cornelius smiles. “I’m really proud of you, son. Even with my shitty example as a father, you grew up to be a man of honor, sincerity, and someone who cares about others. Plus, both you and Will are putting Logan and his needs first. That is the first step towards being a good parent, which it took me too long to realize.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Connor looks down at his fingers. “I just…I hope Logan likes me. He’s adjusting so much to everything, losing his mom and learning Will is his dad, that I hope he doesn’t get overwhelmed meeting me and finding out he’ll be living with us. I wanna be a good dad, I want Logan to connect with me.”

“I’m not gonna lie.” Cornelius walks around and sits next to his son. “He’s a young boy, so he might be a little overwhelmed and it might not happen right away, but Logan will connect with you.”

Connor looks up at his dad. “I’m scared that I won’t be good enough. I don’t want to let Logan, or Will, down.”

“Aw, son,” Cornelius pulls him into a hug. “you have so much to offer Logan. He’s going to love you and I have no doubt that you’re going to be an amazing father. You’re not going to let anyone down, you just have to believe in yourself, and learn from my many, many mistakes.”

Head on his father’s shoulder, Connor chuckles. “I’m serious. If any good comes from the crappy father I was most of your life, I hope you can use it as an example of what not to do.”

Cornelius rubs his son’s back. “I love you, Connor, and I know you can do this. If I can offer any advice, it’s that you and Will have to be a team. Parenting is about working together for the best interest of your children.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Connor smiles. It sometimes feels like a dream that his dad is back in his life to share moments like this with, but he’s glad it’s not. “I love you, too.”

Cornelius savors this moment as Connor tightens the hug. These are the moments that being a parent is all about and that he regrets missing out on for so many years.

Meanwhile, Melissa is sitting in Goodwin’s office next door at the conference table doing some work on her iPad. She looks up when she hears a knock on the open door. “Dr. Choi, hi. If you’re looking for Ms. Goodwin, she’s in a meeting.”

“I was looking for you, actually.” Ethan casually replies.

“Oh, of course.” She shuts off her iPad. “I know I haven’t been here that long, but I am the hospital’s Board liaison. How can I help you, Dr. Choi?”

“Actually,” He approaches the conference table. “I wanted to ask if you’d like to have dinner with me tomorrow night.”

“Oh, wow,” A surprised Melissa responds, exhaling deeply. “Dr. Choi, I’m flattered, but…”

“Ethan, please.” He cuts her off. “I’m not asking for anything beyond a simple dinner. I think you’re a beautiful, smart woman and I’d like the chance to get to know you better. What do you say?”

“Hm.” She puts her finger by her chin before smirking. “When you put it that way, I’d love to.”

“My shift ends at 5 tomorrow,” Ethan tells her. “how about I pick you up downstairs about 6?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Melissa replies with a smile.

“Great, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me, too.”

Ethan smiles, causing Melissa to blush. Such a handsome, chivalrous guy interested in her, must be her lucky day.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 5 P.M.**

Connor is in the kitchen preparing some food, waiting for Will and Logan to get home. Their plane landed an hour ago so they should be here any minute and Connor is making them something to eat.

Almost as if on cue, Connor turns when he hears a key in the door. The door opens and in walk Logan and Will, who is carrying two suitcases, and holding Logan’s hand. “Here we are, buddy. Welcome to your new home.”

“Wow.” An astounded Logan looks around at the big apartment as Connor walks into the living room to greet them. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey, babe.” Will puts the suitcases down and walks over to kiss Connor. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby.” Connor hugs him tightly. “How was your flight?”

“It was good.” Will turns to Logan who is standing in front of the 72 inch flat screen television. “You see something you like over there, buddy?”

“This TV is so big,” Logan points to it. “I wanna watch _Zootopia_ on it.”

Will chuckles. “Ok, we’ll do that, but first, there’s someone’s I want you to meet.” He and Connor move to sit on the couch and Will puts out his hand, motioning for Logan to come over. “This is Connor.”

“Hi,” Connor waves.

“H-hi,” Logan replies, nervously approaching them and taking his dad’s hand. “Who are you?”

“Well,” Will puts his arm around Connor’s neck. “Connor and I are in love and we’re going to get married.”

“Oh!” Logan’s face lights up. “Like Cameron and Mitchell from _Modern Family_?”

Will and Connor both laugh. “Yes, exactly like that.” Will turns his head towards the kitchen. “Did you make food, babe?”

“Hm?” Connor follows Will’s gaze into the kitchen. “Oh, yeah, I figured you guys would be hungry after your flight so I made some macaroni and cheese with sautéed broccoli.”

“I love macaroni and cheese!”

“I’m glad.” Connor chuckles and turns as they all hear a bark.

“Puppy!”

Logan runs over to Lucky and bends down to pet him, Lucky jumping all over him. “He’s so cute. What’s his name??”

“His name’s Lucky, he’s our puppy.”

Logan hugs him tight. “Can he sleep in my room?”

“We’ll see about that.” Connor turns to Will. “Before we eat, we should probably get Logan settled in his room.”

“That’s a good idea.” Will stands up and picks up the suitcases. “We’ll have to go to the store tomorrow and buy him some furniture.” He picks up the bags. “Ready to see your room, buddy?”

Logan nods and follows Will down the hall with Connor trailing behind. Opening the door to the spare bedroom, Will is surprised that it has been completely transformed into a child’s space bedroom. The walls are blue with white painted stars everywhere, planets hanging from the ceiling, and the bedspread has a solar system theme. There is a a brown dresser, space-related pictures hanging on the wall, and a large closet.

“Oh, my God, Dad!” Logan shouts excitedly. “Space! Stars! Comets! The solar system!”

Mouth hanging open, Will puts the suitcases on the floor and turns around to see Connor leaning against the door frame. “Did you do all this?”

Connor smirks. “Maybe.”

“How? When?” Will looks around, as Connor walks up behind him. “How did you get all of this done?”

“I know some people, my dad knows some people.” Connor wraps his arms around Will’s waist. “I made a few phone calls and got everything done while you guys were away. I wanted Logan to come home to his very own room.”

Will relaxes into Connor’s embrace, watching Logan play with the stuffed animal on the bed.

“So, what do you think?” Will asks Logan. “Do you like it?”

“Yes!” Logan looks up at the stars painted on the ceiling. "it’s the coolest room ever.”

“Wait, there’s more,” Connor unwraps himself from Will and walks over to the light switch. Turning it off, the ceiling lights up and Logan looks up in amazement.

“That is so cool! I love space, now I feel like I’m there!”

“This is your home now, buddy,” Connor and Will walks over to and sit next to him on the next bed. “The three of us are going to be going to be living together.”

“Ok.” Logan looks around. “So, can Lucky sleep in here tonight? Please??”

Will and Connor both laugh. “We’ll see about that.”

“I’ll be good, Dad,” Logan climbs onto Will’s lap. "and I’ll take good care of him, promise.”

Connor smiles watching Will with Logan, trying to ignore the fact that Logan didn’t really seem to take to him very much. This is all new and like his dad said, it’s going to take time.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 8 P.M.**

Will flops down next to Connor on the couch. “I am exhausted!”

“You’ve had a long couple of days, babe,” Will rests his head on Connor’s shoulder. “You need to get some rest tonight.”

“I do,” Will suppresses a yawn. “I’m just glad Logan’s asleep. We unpacked him, he ate, he took a bath, and he fell asleep so I think it was a successful first night. Although, Lucky is sleeping in Logan’s room tonight so we might have some trouble prying them apart.”

“That we might.” Connor chuckles and looks into Will’s beautiful eyes. “You’re a natural with him, you know that? For someone who didn’t want to have kids and was worried they weren't cut out to be a parent, you’ve been handling it like a pro. I think I’ve been more nervous than you.”

“Well, thanks.” Will pats Connor on the knee. “But tell me, why have you have been nervous?”

“Just, you know...” Connor looks down. “This whole thing is new for us. Logan coming into our lives, being your son…I want you to both know that I’m committed to this family and I don’t want to let either of you down. Ever.”

“You could never let me down,” Will runs his hand through Connor’s hair. “or Logan. He and I are both lucky to have you in our lives, as our family. Plus, the way you set up his room, that was so thoughtful and unbelievably sweet. How did you know he likes space?”

“I spoke to Beth,” Connor leans forward. “I called her while you guys were in Massachusetts and told her I wanted to design Logan’s room for him. I asked her what he likes so I could get a few ideas for designs and she said he's obsessed with space and the solar system. I wanted to do it so Logan would feel like this is his home and so you had one less thing to worry about.”

“You’re amazing,” Will kisses him. “Tomorrow we have to go to the store and buy Logan some food and snacks. He can’t eat mac and cheese every night.”

Connor nods. "Although, you have to admit, my mac and cheese was killer.

Will laughs. "It was."

"Everyone's excited to meet Logan," Connor grabs Will's hand. "my sister, my dad, Natalie, John and Derrick."

“I know.” Will interlocks their fingers. “My brother and Erin are anxious to meet him, too. I just don’t wanna overwhelm him by meeting too many people at once. I’m worried he’ll shut down or get scared, and I don’t wanna be that kind of parent.”

“Don’t worry, baby.” Connor squeezes his hand. “We’ll do it gradually so it isn’t too much for him.”

“You know,” Will plays with Connor’s fingers. “I know you think that I’ve got it all together and this is all coming naturally for me, but the truth is that I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m gonna totally screw this up. That I’m gonna be a crappy father and raise Logan the wrong way and that just isn’t up to the challenge. I had long talks with Beth while I was in Massachusetts and I feel so protective when it comes to Logan. He’s made of half my DNA and it’s like my natural paternal instincts have kicked in and I can feel them. I'm still scared that I’m gonna make mistakes and not be what Logan needs.”

“Hey,” Connor gently sits Will up and turns him so they are facing each other. “Listen to me, babe, we are in this together. We’re a team that will be two halves of what Logan needs. We’re both going to make mistakes, all parents do, but we’re going to learn from them. Plus, we’re also going to learn from the mistakes our fathers made and always put Logan first and make sure he is loved and supported.”

“You’re right, we will." Will smiles. “I love you, babe.”

“I love you too, baby.” Connor kisses Will passionately. “Now bring the baby monitor over here so we can watch the new episode of _Empire_.”

Will puts the baby monitor on the living room table, enabling them to hear Logan while he sleeps, and they cuddle up on the couch. This is their new life and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Please review.
> 
> 2.) Please check out the Pinterest board for this chapter to visualize Logan's room and Melissa:  
> https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-54/.


	55. Unchartered Territory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) I hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 3 days later (Saturday), 9 A.M.**

Bag slung over his shoulder, a tired Connor walks through the ER entrance doors.

“There he is!” Maggie happily announces. “One half of Chicago Med’s newest parents.”

Connor chuckles as Maggie walks over to hug him. “Congratulations, _Dad_. I’m so happy for you guys.” She looks behind him. “Where’s Will?”

“He’s using a few more of his vacation days,” Connor responds. “Logan’s still getting settled.”

Maggie walks over to the front desk. “How’s everything going?”

“Well, it’s only been a couple of days so we’re all still adjusting, but it’s going well. Logan’s a good kid,” Connor suppress a yawn. “but his sleep schedule is totally bonkers, Will and I are both exhausted.”

Maggie laughs. “He’s a five year old, what do you expect?”

“I know,” Connor yawns. “I’m gonna go put my stuff down and ingest some caffeine before my shift starts. I’ll see you later, Maggie.”

“I’m here if you need me.”

“I know, Maggie, thanks.” Connor smiles, pushing the door to the break room open. He walks over to his locker to put his stuff away and then sits down with a cup of coffee. Feeling his phone vibrate, he takes his phone out of his pocket and sees a text from Will.

**_Will: Good morning, baby. I was half asleep when you left, I miss you already. Logan just woke up so I’m gonna make him breakfast. Text me when you go on break later, I love you._ **

Connor smiles and puts his coffee down to respond.

**_Connor: Good morning, babe. I miss you more, you were so out of it when I left and I didn’t wanna disturb you. I love you, too._ **

The break room door opens and in walks Natalie. “Good morning.”

“Hey, Nat,” He stands up to hug her. “how are you?”

“I’m good,” She joins him at the table. “I’ve been dying to see you guys, where’s Will?”

“He’s off until Tuesday.” Connor sips his coffee. “Using some more of his vacation days to be with Logan.”

“How is everything? Is Logan adjusting well?”

“It’s an ongoing adjustment.” Connor sits back. “We’re trying to establish routines and rules, but we’re both in unchartered territory so we’re basically making it up as we go along.”

“Let me give you a little tip,” Natalie clears her throat. “parenting is all about making up as you go along. You can read all the books, memorize all the techniques, but nothing prepares for you for what to do in the moment. You have to follow your instincts, your gut, and do what you feel is right. It takes time, but both you and Will will learn to trust yourselves.”

“Thanks.” Connor looks down. “For some reason, Logan doesn’t seem to be connecting with me. He and Will are doing well, Will’s a total natural and is really adapting to the father role. I know Will’s his biological father and everything, but we’re raising him together and Logan doesn’t seem to like me.”

“Hey,” Natalie puts her hand on top of his. “do _not_ do this to yourself, Connor. Logan is a little boy who just lost his mom and found out about his dad, he’s probably very overwhelmed and just not sure what to make of you is all. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or won’t connect with you, it’s just going to take time.”

“I hope you’re right.” Connor sighs as Natalie’s phone beeps and she stands up.

“I gotta go upstairs and get some test results. You keep your head up and I’ll see you at lunch.”

Connor nods as Natalie walks out. He turns attention back to his own phone when the door opens and in walks Ethan.

“Hey, buddy, good morning.”

“Morning,” Connor looks up from his phone as Ethan. “I was wondering when you’d finally make it in.”

“What do you mean?” Ethan calls from his locker.

“I saw you by Melissa’s car on my way in,” Connor replies. “You guys looked so engrossed in each other, I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to pry yourselves apart.”

“Oh,” A slightly embarrassed Ethan chuckles, walking towards the counter and pouring himself a cup of coffee. “I didn’t know anyone saw us.”

“No need to be ashamed,” Connor smirks as Ethan takes a seat next to him. “I didn’t know you guys were dating.”

“We’re not...” Ethan sips his coffee. “Well, not technically, anyway. We went on a date the other night and it went really well.”

“For what it’s worth, I like Melissa and I’m glad to see you getting back out there.”

“Thanks,” Ethan leans back, slumping his arm over the chair. “Melissa's the first woman I’ve been interested in since that doctor from the VA hospital last year. She’s smart, sweet, and beautiful, so we’re just sorta just vibing and letting it happen.”

“I think that’s a great idea, that allows you guys to be real with each other without any pressure.” He yawns and covers his mouth. “Oh, sorry, I’m beat.”

Ethan chuckles. “Logan keeping you and Will up late?”

“You have no idea, man.” Connor grips his coffee cup in his hands. “Five year olds have a crazy sleep schedule. Logan naps for a few hours, then is bursting with energy, then sleeps for a few more hours, and wakes up at like 1-2 AM bouncing off the walls before taking another nap. It’s so unpredictable, Will and I have been sleeping in shifts.”

“You guys’ll figure it out.” Ethan tries to reassure him as the alarms start blaring. “Incoming!”

Connor and Ethan grab their stuff and head out, time to start the day.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 7 P.M.**

Connor opens the door and as he sets his stuff down, Lucky comes over to him.

“Hey, buddy.” Connor bends down to pet him. “Where is everyone?”

“Oh, there you are, babe.” Will walks into the living room. “I was just putting Logan to sleep.”

“Sorry for being so late,” Connor kisses him. “I got called into a last minute emergency surgery.”

“I understand,” Will puts his hands on Connor’s chest. “I’m just glad you’re home, I missed you, baby.”

“I missed you, too.” Connor smiles. “How was everything when Logan met your brother and Erin today?”

“It was good.” Will walks into the kitchen. “He really liked Erin, he was sitting on her lap and playing with her hair. It was sweet. He liked Jay, too, they bonded over watching _Stranger Things_ on Netflix.”

“That’s good.” Connor sits at the kitchen island. “Everyone at work was asking about you two, they’re anxious for you to come back next week.”

“That actually reminds me,” Will clears his throat. “I hired a nanny.”

“Wait, what?” Connor’s face contorts in confusion. “What do you mean _you_ hired a nanny?”

“I didn’t really have a choice.” Will leans on the kitchen island. “Ashley Jennings, the thirty year old former teacher with a Master’s in Childhood Education, who we interviewed yesterday called earlier and said she got an offer from another family. So I had like an hour to make a decision.”

“So let me get this straight,” Connor puts his hand up. “You had an hour to make the decision about the nanny for our son and you didn’t think to try calling or texting me?”

“You were at work,” Will rationalizes. “I didn’t wanna bother you, I knew you were busy.”

“That’s not an excuse.” Connor angrily stands up. “This is not just some nonsensical decision, this is the decision about who we will be trusting in our home everyday to watch Logan. The least you could’ve done is gotten in touch with me about it. If I was busy and didn’t text or call back, you could’ve called the hospital and gotten in touch with me.”

“But it was Ashley,” Will tries to defend himself. “we both liked her and agreed she was the best of the people we saw.”

“That’s not the point,” Connor sternly replies. “the point is that you made this decision without me, disregarding my opinion or even the need to consult me.”

“Babe,” Will tilts his head. “don’t be like that, you know that’s not true.”

“That’s certainly how it seems,” Connor crosses his arms. “we’re supposed to be a team.”

“We are,” Will walks towards Connor. “I was just in a time crunch and had to make a choice.” He reaches for Connor’s hand. “But you’re right, I should have gotten in touch with you and I’m sorry I didn’t. It won’t happen again.”

Allowing Will to take his hand, Connor looks at him. “You promise?”

“I promise, baby,” Will squeezes Connor’s hand. “I love you and I don’t ever want you to think I don’t want your opinion when it comes to parenting Logan because we’re in this together.”

Connor grins, pulling Will close to him. “You’re lucky I love you, you know that?”

“Do I ever?” Will kisses Connor. “I don’t ever want to let anything come between us. I know things have changed a lot with Logan, but the foundation of our relationship has to remain as strong as it’s ever been. I didn’t honor what we have the right way today, but I won’t ever let that happen again.”

Connor looks into Will’s eyes. “We just have to remember what we learned in therapy about communication, honesty, and trust.”

“You’re right.” Will puts his head on Connor’s chest and Connor wraps his arms around Will. Hopefully their relationship will be able to survive this.

**_Scene_ : Chicago Med, Susan’s Hospital Room, 9 P.M.**

Susan opens her eyes and finds Diane sitting in a chair next to her bed.

"Look who’s finally awake.”

“Hey.” Susan weakly replies, attempting to sit up. “What time is it?”

“9 o’clock.” Diane helps Susan sit up. “How are you feeling, honey?”

“Tired,” Susan takes a sip of water. “and weak. How long was I out?”

“Oh, since about 5.” Diane responds. “The form of chemo Dr. Richards is giving you, from the drug trial you’re enrolled in, is really is taking a toll on your body. Draining you even more than regular chemo would.”

“Is it working?”

“He ran some tests earlier,” Diane takes Susan’s hand. “they should be in by the morning and we’ll see if the drug trial is worth continuing.”

Susan nods. “Have you slept at all?”

“Not really,” Diane tilts her head. “but I’m fine. There’s nowhere else I want to be.”

Their conversation is interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Mr. Rhodes.”

“Diane, Susan, hi.” Cornelius enters the room. “How are you feeling, Susan?”

“Alright,” Susan turns her head on the pillow to face him. “just tired.”

Cornelius puts his hand on top of hers. “We have every member of the oncology team working to help, Susan. You keep resting and drinking fluids and hang in there, I’m rooting for you.”

“Thanks.” Susan weakly squeezes his hand to show her gratitude.

Clearing his throat, Cornelius turns to Diane. “Diane, can I talk to you in the hall for a second?”

“Sure,” She turns to Susan. “I’ll be right back, honey.”

Diane kisses Susan’s forehead before joining Cornelius in the hall, closing the door behind her. “Is everything alright, Mr. Rhodes?”

“Please, call me Cornelius,” Cornelius leans against the wall. “I’ve been concerned about you and Susan so I wanted to come check on how you were doing.”

“The new drug trial for Susan’s cancer is hard on her, but she’s a fighter.” Diane looks into the room. “Staying strong, like she’s always been.”

“And how about you?” Cornelius tries to get her to look at him. “I know from experience that things like this are just as difficult for the family.”

“I’m fine,” She takes a deep breath. “Susan needs me to be here and to be strong, that’s all that matters right now.”

“Taking care of yourself also matters,” Cornelius gently tells her. “I know how worried you are about Susan, but you’re no good to her if you aren't sleeping or eating.”

“I can’t leave her,” Diane’s voice is shaky, barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how much time she has left.”

Cornelius tilts his head, saddened at hearing the pain in Diane's voice. “What has Dr. Richards said?”

“Nothing yet.” Diane clears her throat, trying to maintain her composure. “It's now two weeks since Susan started the drug trial and that’s when we would start seeing progress if it’s in fact working. So he took some blood before and the results should be back in the morning.”

“Well, hopefully the results will be positive.” Cornelius tries to lift her spirits. “In the meantime, Ms. Goodwin, Dr. Richard, and myself have been reaching out to everyone we know about cancer drug trials we could enroll Susan in if this is not working. This whole hospital is behind both of you and we are not giving up.”

“Thank you,” Diane weakly smiles as a few tears drip down her cheek. “I just…for 25 years, it’s been just me and her. We’ve been through everything together, she’s my whole life, my whole world, and I don’t know how I would go on without her.”

Cornelius pulls a now crying Diane into a hug in an attempt to comfort her, knowing all too well what it’s like to watch your wife suffer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	56. Setting Limits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) Please check out the Pinterest board for this chapter to be introduced to Logan's nanny, Ashley Jennings, who you will meet in this chapter: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-56/.
> 
> 3.) I also encourage all of you to please check out my other Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 3 days later (Tuesday, January 17, 2017), 5 P.M.**

Ethan and Melissa are sitting on the roof eating while Ethan is on his break.

“I’m sorry, I know this isn’t much of a second date,” Ethan offers her an onion ring. “but my schedule is crazy this week and I really wanted to see you.”

“No need to apologize,” Melissa brushes her finger against his as she takes the onion ring. “dating isn’t about expensive meals and fancy clothes, it’s about spending time together. So I don’t care what we’re doing as long as we’re together.” She pops the onion ring into her mouth. “Besides, I wanted to see you, too. Our schedules don’t really seem to match since you’re down in the ER and I'm always in my office or meetings.”

“Well, hey,” Ethan moves closer to Melissa. “I don’t have to be back downstairs for an hour, so I’m yours the whole time.”

“I like the sound of that,” She smirks and motions to his burger. “but you should eat your burger and get your energy up for the rest of your shift.”

Ethan purses his lips. “Only if you promise me a kiss when I’m done.”

“Someone’s confident,” Melissa laughs, running her hand over Ethan’s knuckles. “but I’d say your chances look pretty good.”

Ethan chuckles and takes a bite of his burger.

“So, tell me, have you always wanted to be a doctor?”

“Pretty much,” Ethan responds, taking a sip of his soda. “my uncle was a surgeon and my best friend mom’s growing up was a nurse, so I always had the idea that I wanted to do something in medicine. Then when I joined the military and became a medic in the field, that’s when I knew I wanted to become a doctor and work in emergency medicine.”

“How long did you serve for?”

“Three years,” Ethan eats an onion ring. “mostly overseas in Afghanistan and Iraq, but it’s been about two years since I served.”

“Are you seeing someone about your PTSD?”

Caught off guard, Ethan turns to face Melissa. “Wha-what are you talking about?”

“Ethan,” Melissa takes his hand. “you don't have to pretend with me. My dad was an army colonel and both of my brothers served. I know all of the signs, it’s ok.” She tries to put this the right way. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Life over there is completely different from regular life, incomprehnsible to the rest of us, and what you experienced does not just go away. The losses, the trauma, it all makes readjustment a difficult process.”

Ethan looks down. “I’ve been seeing a therapist, but it’s hard. I think I make progress, but sometimes I feel like I’ll never get back to the man I used to be.”

“Hey,” Melissa puts her hand on his chin and lifts it up to make Ethan look at her. “there is no one size fits all cure for PTSD. It is an ongoing, daily struggle, but you can’t get down on yourself. I believe in you, Ethan. You just have to believe in yourself.”

“Thanks,” Ethan smiles weakly. “what happened to your dad and your brothers?”

“My dad got sick from one his tours in the Middle East and died of cancer five years ago.” Melissa takes a deep breath. “After my dad died, my brothers wanted to honor his memory so they dropped out of college and re-enlisted. A few days away from the end of their second tour two years ago, their unit was ambushed just outside of Kandahar and both of my brothers were killed.”

“Oh wow,” Ethan reaches for Melissa’s hand. “that is…I’m so sorry.”

“The day my mom got the call, she collapsed on the floor in tears and I remember running in to check on her. She was barely able to tell me what happened because she was so upset. I held her in my arms just trying to comfort her.” She shudders at the thought. “Seeing my mom like that, it was one of the most horrific experiences of my life.”

“How old were they?”

“24.” Melissa has tears streaming down her cheek. “They were twins, my younger brothers by three years. They both got the full military funeral and Purple Hearts for bravery, it was a bittersweet ending for lives cut too short.”

Ethan puts his arm around her. “Is that why you moved here from Florida?”

“Yeah,” Melissa sniffles. “after losing my dad and my brothers, my mom and I needed a fresh start. There were just too many reminders, too many painful memories, so we moved to Chicago about a year and a half ago.”

She wipes away her tears. “I’m sorry. We were talking about you and somehow this became all about me.”

“I don’t mind,” Ethan sweetly tells her. “I’m so sorry you and your mom went through all of that, but I’m here for you now.”

“Thanks,” Melissa rests her head on Ethan’s shoulder, taking comfort in his presence. Neither of them have felt the type of connection they have with each other in a long time.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 4:30 P.M.**

Will opens the apartment door and finds the nanny, Ashley, in the living room cleaning up. She is average height with long blonde hair and green eyes, wearing a beige blouse and black jeans.

“Hey, Ashley.”

“Hey, Will,” Ashley walks into the kitchen to throw some garbage away. “I wasn’t expecting you home so soon.”

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you that Connor and I were getting off early,” Will takes his jacket off. “his sister and dad are coming over for dinner tonight and to meet Logan.”

Ashley washes her hands at the kitchen sinks. “Oh, that’s nice.”

Will nods. “So, where’s my little guy?”

“Oh, I introduced him to _Power Rangers_ on Netflix,” Ashley explains. “so he’s in his room with the door open watching. I just came in here to clean up from the snack I made him.”

“Wow, _Power Rangers,_ ” Will laughs. “I remember how popular that was when I was in middle school.”

“How popular what was, babe?” Connor asks, opening the door and taking his jacket off. “Hey, Ashley.”

“Hey, Connor,” Ashley smiles. “I was just telling Will that I introduced Logan to _Power Rangers_ today on Netflix. He’s in room watching as we speak.”

“And I was saying that I remember how popular it was when I was in middle school.”

“I remember that, too,” Connor chuckles, joining them in the kitchen. “my sister loved Kimberly, she used to dress up as the Pink Ranger for Halloween.”

“Aw, that’s cute,” Will puts his arm around Connor. “I'm going to get changed and see Logan, baby. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Ok, babe,” Connor kisses him. “I’m gonna look through the menus and figure out what to order for dinner.”

“Sounds good,” Will stands up. “thank you for everything, Ashley. Goodnight.”

“My pleasure, goodnight.”

Ashley walks into the living room and grabs her jacket off the coat rack. “I’m gonna go say goodnight to Logan and then get going so you guys can get your night started.”

Ashley walks down the hallway and into Logan’s room, where he is sitting on his bed watching Power Rangers. “Ms. Ashley, look, it’s Tommy!”

“I see, sweetie.” She sits next to him on the bed.

“Why is your jacket on, Ms. Ashley?”

“Well, sweetie, I’m leaving for the day. Your daddies are home so it’s time for me to leave now,” She smiles sweetly. “but I’ll be back on Thursday and we can keep watching _Power Rangers_.”

“Ok.” Logan smiles widely. “And will you make me more peanut butter and jelly & grilled cheese sandwiches?”

“You got it.” Ashley stands up. “You be good and I’ll see you on Thursday. Goodnight.”

Logan waves. “Bye.”

“Logan’s a sweet little boy,” Ashley tells Connor as she walks back in the living room. “he’s so easy-going and agreeable, it’s a joy to watch him.”

“Well, Logan loves you. As soon as you leave, he starts asking when you’ll be back.” Connor looks up from the menus. “Will and I are both very glad that you’re here as well.”

“Thanks,” Ashley walk towards the door. “I don’t know if this is out of line or not, but I’m very proud to be working for you and Will. To see such a handsome and sweet couple in 2016 that is able to love freely and raise a child together, I’m honored to be a part of that.”

“Thank you,” Connor smiles at her heartfelt comment. “I appreciate that. We’ll see you on Thursday.”

“You got it. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Connor calls as Ashley leaves before turning his attention back to the menu. What is on the agenda for dinner tonight?

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 6:30 P.M.**

Connor, Will, Claire, and Cornelius are sitting in the living room after enjoying a delicious dinner from a local Italian restaurant. Logan sat and ate with them, he seemed to like Claire and Cornelius, but he’s preoccupied thinking about _Power Rangers_.

“Logan is adorable,” Claire gushes. “and aside from the blonde hair, he looks like you, Will. He also seems really settled too, which is important.”

“How are you guys finding parenthood?” Cornelius asks, remembering the doubts Connor previously expressed to him.

“It’s…challenging,” Will clears his throat. “but rewarding. Logan’s a good kid, we’re just trying to establish order and routine to create a sense of normalcy for him since he’s been through a lot of change recently.”

“That’s important,” Cornelius affirms. “I already told Connor that I can offer little in terms of advice regarding parenting since I was such a crappy father, but I do know that routine and normalcy are important. Especially for a young boy like Logan. Try to keep him active, also. Don’t let him sit around in front of the television or computer or iPad all day.”

“That we do,” Connor responds. “and so does the nanny. When she’s watching him, she takes him for a walk or to the park or does something that gets him outdoors so he doesn't get used to a sedentary lifestyle.”

“That reminds me,” Will turns to Cornelius. “thank you for recommending Ashley, Mr. Rhodes. She’s great with Logan, he’s crazy about her, not to mention Connor and I really like her as well. And we never would’ve found her without you, so thank you.”

“Of course, I’m happy to help,” Cornelius smiles. “and please, Will, you’re one step away from being my son-in-law so Mr. Rhodes is way too formal. I know you might not be comfortable calling me 'Dad', but at least call me Cornelius.”

Will laughs. “Ok.”

Logan comes into the living room and walks over to Claire. “Claire!”

“Hey, Logan.” Claire leans forward. “What’s up, buddy?”

“Do you wanna watch _Power Rangers_ with me?” Logan excitedly asks, putting out his hand. “Rita and Zedd are getting married!”

“Ohh,” Claire take his hand. "that sounds exciting, let’s go.”

“Let me get a snack first.” Logan runs into the kitchen and opens the drawer, pulling out a bag of Oreos. He then runs back over to Claire and takes her hand. “ _Power Rangers_ time!”

“Logan!” Connor shouts, rising from the couch. “What are you doing?”

Claire and Logan turn around. “Logan and I are going to watch _Power Rangers_. What’s wrong, Connor?”

“Logan,” Connor walks over to them, shaking his head. “didn't I tell you that food is not to be brought into your room? Food creates crumbs and crumbs invite bugs into your room.”

“Bu-but…” Logan tries to protest. “we’re watching _Power Rangers_ and I wanna eat Oreos.”

“You and Claire can watch _Power Rangers_ ,” Connor takes the bag of Oreos from Logan. “but no food in your room, I’ve told you multiple times.”

“Babe,” Will walks over. “what’s going on?”

“Dad, he took my Oreos!” Logan points at Connor, near tears.

Will looks at Connor. “What, why?”

“He was taking them into his room to eat them,” Connor explains. “I’ve told him at least a dozen times not to bring food into his room. Food leaves crumbs, which attracts bugs.”

“Let me have them."

Will puts his hand out and Connor hands him the bag of Oreos. Much to Connor’s surprise, Will hands the bag to Logan. “Babe, what are you doing?”

Will puts his hand up. “I got this.” He bends down to be eye level with Logan. “You take these Oreos into your room and eat them while you watch _Power Rangers_ with Claire. Take some paper towels from the bathroom and don’t make a mess, okay, buddy?”

“Okay, Dad.” Logan smiles and hugs him. “Thank you.”

A perturbed Connor watches as Logan takes Claire’s hand and leads her to his room. “Will, how could you do that?”

“Come on, babe,” Will stands up and puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder. “he’s a little boy who wants to eat in his room while he watches television with your sister. It’s not a big deal.” He kisses him. “Now, let’s have some coffee and open that cake your dad brought.”

An hour later, Cornelius and Claire are getting ready to leave.

“Are you guys leaving?” Logan asks as he walks into the room. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I know, buddy,” Cornelius picks Logan up in his arms. “I had a lot of fun looking at the stars and reading your space books with you.”

“Me too,” Logan hugs him. “please come back soon.”

“I will, buddy.”

“Come here you,” Cornelius transfers Logan into Claire’s arms. “Next time I see you we’ll eat more snacks and watch more _Power Rangers_.”

“You promise?”

“I promise,” She kisses his cheek and then he hugs her tight. “Oh, I gotta put him down before I take him home with him.”

Will and Connor laugh. “Thank you for coming. It was great to see you, as always.” Will says.

Claire kisses both of them. “I’ll see you guys soon, love you.”

“I’m proud of you.” Cornelius hugs Connor and then Will. “Both of you. Logan is lucky to have you.”

“Goodnight.” Everyone waves as Cornelius and Claire leave.

Will turns to Logan. “Are you tired, buddy?”

“A little,” Logan whines, trying to fight off his sleepiness. “but, I wanna watch more _Power Rangers_.”

“Well, why don’t we brush your teeth and give you a bath, then we can watch a little more before bedtime?” Will suggests. “Does that sound fair?”

Logan enthusiastically nods.

“I’ll be back soon, babe.”

“Take your time.” Connor bites his lip to keep himself from saying something he’ll regret. “I’m just gonna clean up.”

Will takes Logan’s hand. “Let’s go, buddy.”

Connor watches as they disappear into the other room and shakes his head.

A half hour later, Will finds Connor sitting on the couch. “Logan passed out five minutes into the next episode of _Power Rangers_.” He sees the troubled expression on Connor’s face. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that you embarrassed the hell out of me earlier.” Connor spits his words out angrily. “The way you undermined my authority in front of my dad and sister by giving Logan back the Oreos, I felt like such an idiot.”

“You took Oreos away from a five year old and he was gonna cry!” Will shouts. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Take my side, Will.” Connor takes a deep breath to keep his emotions in check. “Stand by my decision as I set limits and rules for Logan. You’re so lenient and you’re sending the message that Logan can always get what he wants. He has to learn what’s acceptable and unacceptable, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do.

“Yeah, well limits can’t have him crying either. That’s too harsh, too strict, and I won’t allow that.” Will crosses his arms over his chest. “Besides, Logan’s _my_ son so _I_ should be the one setting the limits and rules anyway.”

“Wow, I cannot believe you just said that.” Connor stands up. “I see how it is now.”

Will watches Connor put his jacket on and realizes the weight of what he just said. He walks over, attempting to reach out for Connor. “Connor, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“I can’t right now, Will,” Connor pushes Will’s hand away and grabs his keys. “I can’t even look at you right now. I need to go for a walk.”

Before Will can say another word, Connor slams the door behind him. Did he just completely fuck everything up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	57. Family Dynamics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Wednesday), 7:30 A.M.**

Waking up in his sweats on the couch, Connor blinks to adjust to the light. He smells coffee and sits up to find Will, clad in his scrubs, sitting at the kitchen island.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Connor rubs the sleep out of his eyes. “how long have you been up?”

“Not too long,” Will takes a bite of his bagel. “what time did you get in last night?”

Connor wraps the blanket around his shoulders. “Around 10.”

“Where were you all those hours?” Will asks. “I called and texted you, but you didn’t answer me.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Connor replies, not making eye contact. “I went by my old apartment and spent some time there.”

“Well, I was worried about you,” Will shakes his head. “and wait, I thought you were subletting your old apartment like I am mine?”

“I haven’t found anyone since the last tenants moved out a month ago." Connor explains. “It was a nice quiet place to be alone and think, which is what I needed.”

“Is that why you slept on the couch and didn't come to bed?” Will challenges. “Because you wanted to be alone?”

“Yes.” Connor flatly replies. “I came home and you were sleeping and I honestly didn’t feel like sleeping next to you.”

“Wow.” Will mouths the word in shock. “If you’re trying to get back at me for what I said last night, you’re doing a bang up job.”

Connor shakes his head. “I’m not trying to get back at you, but I’m not gonna lie about how I’m feeling. I’m sorry if that hurts.”

“I was here worried for hours about you, wondering if you were okay, and now you’re telling me you didn’t want to sleep next to me because you wanted to be alone.” Will bites his lip, trying to keep his voice down since Logan is sleeping. “Should I feel something other than hurt?”

Connor shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“I mean,” Will sighs. “have you forgotten that I love you and that we’re engaged?”

“No,” Connor leans his head against the couch. “I haven’t.”

Will notices their seating positions, Connor in the living on the couch and Will in the kitchen, sitting at the island. “Do you realize that this is the farthest apart that you and I have sat since we got back together last year?”

Connor solemnly nods. “We need to talk, Will. There are major issues that need to be addressed before we can move forward.”

“I agree,” Will stands up, putting his coffee cup in the sink. “but, it’s going to have to wait because I have to go to work. I need to know, though, if you’re okay watching Logan. Because I called Ashley last night and she said she’s available if we need her, all we have to do is call her.”

“Yeah,” Connor sits up. “I’ll be fine.”

Will walks into the living room, standing by the edge of the couch. “Are you sure? I understand if you’re not up to it after last night.”

“Our issues are between us,” Connor stands up, letting the blanket fall onto the couch. “Logan’s not a part of them so there’s no need to change his schedule and call Ashley in on her day off. Despite what you said last night, Logan is _our_ son so I’ll be perfectly fine watching him while you’re at work. And I’ll call Ashley and tell her that we don’t need her today.”

Connor walks into the kitchen. “I didn’t hear Logan during the night, but I assume he woke up like usual?”

“He did, about 1.” Will walks towards the door, putting his jacket on. “He came into our room room to get me and I didn't see the point in waking you. I sat in his room watching television with him until he fell back asleep around 4, so he should be up soon.”

“Got it.” Connor opens the cabinet and grabs the can of coffee. “Thanks for letting me sleep.”

“No problem, it was my turn anyway.” Will opens the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah,” Connor doesn’t turn his attention from the coffee pot. “bye.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, 8 A.M.**

“Good morning, Maggie.” Will greets her as he walks through the ER entrance doors. “How are you today?”

“I’m good,” Maggie looks up from her phone. “how are you doing?”

“I’m good,” Will yawns. “tired, obviously.”

Maggie laughs. “Logan still keeping you and Connor up?”

“You have no idea,” Will yawns again. “he woke up at 1 A.M. so I had to sit and watch television with him until he fell back asleep at 4. Although I will admit that we’ve gotten his schedule to be more predictable, which is a win.”

“There you go,” Maggie taps the desk. “take the wins where you can.”

Will chuckles. “Thanks, Maggie. I’m gonna go get settled before the day starts. See you later.”

“See you later.”

Will walks in to the break room and finds Natalie sitting at the table, “Good morning, Nat.”

“Good morning,” Natalie stands up to hug him. “how’s everything?”

“Everything’s good.” Will calls from his locker. “How are you? How’s Owen?”

“I’m good, Owen’s good.” Natalie looks up as Will walks over and pours himself a cup of coffee. “My mother-in-…no, Helen…Helen’s watching him today. I have to stop saying mother-in-law, Jeff’s been gone for over a year.”

“Well, technically, you and Jeff didn’t get divorced or anything so she is still your mother-in-law or you could at least still call her that.” Will notices the expression on her face. “Unless you don’t want to.”

“I just think it’s weird is all,” Natalie takes a bite of her a bagel. “especially when I have a semi-serious boyfriend. I’ll always love my Jeff, but I feel like if I really want to move on, that Helen just needs to be Helen and not my mother-in-law anymore.” She sighs. “I probably sound crazy.”

“No, not at all. I understand,” Will laughs. “and what’s this about you and Jeff being semi-serious?”

“Well, you know I’m crazy about him and he’s a great guy. Very sweet and caring. He’s great with Owen and I either sleep by him or he sleeps by me most nights, so we’re together a lot.”

“You’ve been together for, like, seven months now so that makes sense,” Will tries to follow her train of thought. “so what’s keeping it from becoming serious?”

“I still feel guilty, like I’m betraying my husband Jeff, or Owen, or Helen even, by becoming serious with Jeff Clarke.” Natalie looks down. “I know it sounds stupid, but he and my Jeff were friends so I don’t want Helen to feel like I’m two-timing her dead son with an old friend. Or to feel like Jeff is looking down judging me for dating his friend. Or for Owen to judge me when he gets older for dating his dad’s friend who has the same name nonetheless.”

“Hey, Nat, listen to me.” Will puts his hand on top of hers. “You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. First, your Jeff in heaven would only want you to be happy and I know he wouldn’t care that it’s with an old friend of his. Second, when Owen’s older, he will never judge you for doing what made you happy, because you'll be teaching him to follow your heart. Regarding Helen, I know how she can be, but I honestly think she just wants you to be happy too. She might not be thrilled for you to have a serious boyfriend already, one of Jeff’s old friends nonetheless, but she knows you loved her son. Plus, you’re her grandson’s mom, so talk to her. I think she'll surprise you by putting your happiness first.”

“Thanks, Will.” Natalie smiles. “I think you’re right, I will talk to Helen.”

“Good.” Will squeezes her hand. “You deserve to be happy, Nat. Never forget that.”

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 9 A.M.**

Connor and Logan are in the kitchen and Connor is making Logan breakfast.

“Here you go, buddy,” Connor puts the dish in front of Logan. “Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

Logan looks at it. “Ms. Ashley cuts the crusts off.”

“Crusts off,” Connor picks up the plate. “got it.”

Doing so, he gives the dish back to Logan.

“My dad uses strawberry jelly, not grape. I want strawberry.”

“We’re all out of strawberry,” Connor exhales. “grape is all we have.”

“And Dad and Ms. Ashley toast the bread.” Logan touches the bread. “This bread isn’t toasted, it’s all mushy. I want it toasted.”

“How about _please can I have it toasted? Or please the crusts off?_ ” Connor sarcastically says. “Or how about you just _thank_ _you for the sandwich, Connor?_ ” He scoffs. “You’re a big boy, Logan, did you not learn manners and respect for adults?”

“Fine.” Logan rolls his eyes. “Connor, can you _please_ toast the bread and use strawberry jelly this time, like my dad does?”

“I already told you that we’re out of strawberry jelly,” Connor makes a fist to contain his anger. “I don’t find it amusing that you mock me like that, it’s very rude.” He sighs. “You know what? Breakfast is over, just have some cereal in the living room.”

“Ok then.” Logan hops off the stool at the kitchen island and opens the bottom cabinet. He pulls out the cereal box and pours some into a bowl with milk. “Come on, Lucky, let’s go watch cartoons.”

Lucky barks and follows Logan into the living room. Connor shakes his head and bangs his fist angrily on the counter. _No please, no thank you, and the audacity to mock Connor, such disrespect._

**Scene : Chicago Med, 2 P.M.**

“I have a meeting to get to,” Melissa touches Ethan on the shoulder. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

“Until tonight,” Ethan smiles as Melissa walks down the hall. He stands there for a moment, just watching her walk away, when he is snapped out of his thoughts by Will walking up behind him.

“Ethan.”

“Oh hey, Will.” Ethan turns around. “What’s up?”

“I just finished having lunch with Maggie.” Will replies. “How are things with Melissa?”

Ethan furrows his brow. “How did you know?”

“Well, the hospital’s board liaison and a doctor don’t exactly hang out together,” Will jokes. “besides, I saw you two kissing on the roof yesterday.”

“I guess we’re not very good at being discreet.”

“Hey, you are two consenting adults,” Will tries to rationalize. “there’s nothing to embarrassed about. Plus, Melissa seems great.”

“She is.” Ethan can’t help but smile. “Everything’s very new though. We’re not defining anything, just enjoying each other’s company, and letting things flow naturally. But, Melissa’s worried about what’ll happen if people start finding out because we haven’t told HR and she’s technically my boss and relationships with superiors are frowned upon.”

“Well, your secret is safe with me. And Connor, too.” Will reassures him. “Enjoy what you and Melissa have, it’s nice to see you happy for a change.”

“Thanks.” Ethan lightly chuckles. “Melissa makes me…she just makes me feel. Something I haven't felt in a long time. And selfishly, I don’t want to give that give up.”

“Believe me, ever since I met Connor, I’ve felt the exact same way,” Will clears his throat. “I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but since Melissa is worried about people finding out and what would happen, maybe you could ask Connor to talk to his dad.”

“What? No.” Ethan shakes his head. “No, I couldn’t ask him to do that. I can’t use our friendship like that.”

“Hey,” Will puts his hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “you wouldn’t be using your friendship with him. I know Connor would want to help you. I’d offer to do it myself, but I think it would be better coming from him.”

“Do you really think he’d do it?”

“I have no doubt.” Will nods. “Think about it, talk to Melissa and see what she says. Connor will be in tomorrow so you can ask then if that’s what you decide.”

“Thanks, Will.”

“No problem, buddy.”

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 4 P.M.**

Connor is sitting in the living room with his iPad when he looks up and sees Logan in the kitchen. “What are you doing over there, pal?”

“Just getting a drink.” Logan shuts a drawer and walks toward the hallway with Lucky following him. A suspicious Connor stands up and sees Logan holding a box of Chips Ahoy cookies against his stomach.

“Logan!”

He turns around as Connor walks towards him.  
  
“How many times do I have to tell you that food is not allowed in your room?” He takes the box from Logan. “We just went over this the other day.”

“No!” Logan protests, shaking his head. “I never have any fun when you’re here, you’re so mean.” He pouts, crossing his arms. “It’s not fair, my dad lets me eat in my room.”

“Well, you can’t always get you want, Logan. There’s rules for a reason and you have to start learning to follow them.” Connor shakes the box of cookies. “Besides, he’s not here. I am, so no eating in your room.”

“But you’re not my real dad!” Logan indignantly shouts. “I don’t have to listen to you.”

Taken aback by Logan’s outburst, Connor feels his heart sink. “Here.” He hands the cookies back to Logan. “Go, eat in your room. I don’t care anymore.”

Logan quickly grabs the box and Lucky follows him into his room.

A disillusioned Connor walks back into the living room and sits on the couch. When Will gets home, they are having all of this out because this was officially the final straw.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials a number. “Hey, Erin. I’m good, how are you? Sorry to bother you, but I wanted to ask if you and Jay could do me a favor.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, 5 P.M.**

“Goodnight.” Will calls as he walks through the doors.

Stepping outside, he hears his phone ringing and pulls it out of his jacket. “Hello? Hey, Jay, what’s up? What?! When? No, I didn’t. Ok, yeah, thanks.”

An irate Will puts his phone away. It is time to get home, **_now_**.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 6 P.M.**

Will opens the apartment door in a huff. “Connor.”

Emerging from the bedroom, Connor walks into the living room. “There you are.”

“Here I am, I’ve been waiting for you all day.” Connor sarcastically replies. “Are you ready to talk now?”

“Oh, I’m ready to talk.” Will hangs his jacket up. “How about we start with talking about why Jay called me to tell me that he and Erin are watching Logan?” He indignantly crosses his arms over his chest. “How about we start there, hm?”

“I asked them to watch Logan because you and I need to talk,” Connor sits at the kitchen island. “and this is _not_ the kind of conversation we can have while Logan is here.”

“So that gives you the right to just send _my_ son away?” Will angrily raises his arm. “Without even asking me?”

“There it is again!” Connor shouts. “ _Your_ son. Not _our_ son, but _your_ son. That’s what all of this is about. That’s what it’s been about all along.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that this entire family dynamic is wrong. I haven’t wanted to admit it, but last night and today have proved that I’ve just been deluding myself.” A frustrated Connor shakes his head. “You don’t see me as an equal parent or us a team. You constantly disregard me and undermine my authority in front of Logan, like you did last night. As a result, Logan doesn’t respect me or put any value in what I say. When I was with him today, he wasn’t listening to me. He was blatantly disrespectful, disobeying what I was saying, not saying please or thank you. He told me I’m too mean and he never has any fun when I’m around. Your son was treating me like some kind of hired help, it was disgraceful. And do you know what he said to me?”

“Hm?”

“He told me that I’m not his his real dad,” Connor responds, his voice breaking a little. “so he doesn’t have to listen to me.”

Will feels his heart drop as he hears Connor say those words. “He…he…he said that?”

“Yup,” Connor nods. “and you know who he learned that from, Will? **_You!_** All the times you’ve questioned me, undermined me in front of him, you’ve shown him by your example that he has no reason to value what I say or to respect me.”

Will swallows hard, feeling his heart breaking as the reality hits him hard. What has he done? What has he let happen to their relationship? Desperate to say something to make this right, anything, he starts to speak, but Connor puts his hand up to stop him.

“I don’t wanna hear it.” He takes a deep breath, choking back the emotion as he doesn’t want to fall apart in front of Will. “I’ve tried so hard to make this work, Will. I love you, I proposed you, I was ready to spend my life with you even when that meant making Logan part of it. You’re raising a snot-nosed, spoiled brat who has no concept of rules or limits or hearing the word ‘no.’ When I’ve tried to reasonably set boundaries, you’ve both demonized me for that. Everything I’ve done since I found about Logan has been about being a good parent, about being your co-parent, and about making Logan feel welcome, included, and like this is home. Apparently it’s all been a waste because I have gotten nothing but complete and utter disrespect in return. I really thought we could raise Logan together, that he could be our son, but I was sorely mistaken. And now…I just…I’m done.”

“Done?” Will’s voice is full of emotion, realizing the full weight of what’s happened. “What does that mean?”

Wordlessly, Connor gets up and walks towards a suitcase in the kitchen that Will had not previously noticed, grabbing it by the handle.

Eyes widening, Will runs over to Connor. “No! Connor, no!” He puts his hand over Connor’s on the handle. “What is this? Where are you going?”

“I need some time, Will.” Connor feels his resolve falter as a tear breaks through and rolls down his cheek. “I’m going to go stay with my dad for a few days.”

“Baby,” Will puts his hand on Connor’s cheek, trying to make Connor look at him. “I am so sorry. Please stay, we can work this out. We’ll fix this. Everything. I love you, baby. I need you, Connor. You can’t go."

“I’m sorry, Will,” Heart racing, it takes all of his strength to move away from Will’s grasp. “but, I need time to figure out what I want. I’ll talk to you in a few days.”

“Connor,” A now crying Will tries in vain to call for Connor as he walks out of the apartment with tears dripping down his cheek.

Twenty minutes later, Connor is standing on the front porch of his father’s house. His old house, feels like forever since he lived her. The door opens to reveal Connor’s father.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Connor,” Cornelius notices Connor’s suitcase and that his eyes are red. “what’s wrong?”

“Everything, Dad.” Connor sniffles. “It’s all broken and I don’t know what to do.”

Unable to keep it together any longer, Connor completely breaks down in tears and crumbles to the floor. Cornelius quickly catches him to keep him from falling, pulling him into a hug and letting Connor cry on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, son, I got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	58. Deep Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene** **:** **Rhodes Household, the next morning ( Thursday), 7 A.M.**

After arriving at his father’s doorstep last night, Cornelius sat with Connor until he finally calmed down. While Connor went to unpack and settle into his old room, Cornelius called Claire, who immediately came over. The three of them spent the evening in the living room talking about what happened before Cornelius went to bed to allow some brother-sister bonding time. After some more talking, Claire and Connor eventually fell asleep watching television.

Waking up on the couch, Claire sees that Connor is still sleeping. Not wanting to wake him up, she gently gets up and puts her sweater on before heading into the kitchen where she sees her father. 

“Good morning, honey.” 

“Good morning, Dad.” Claire takes a seat at the kitchen counter. “What are you making?”

“Oh, just some fried eggs.” He turns back towards the stove. “You still like fried eggs, right?”

“I do.” Her dad hands her a cup of coffee. “Thanks. How long have you been up?”

“About an hour.” Cornelius uses a spatula to put Claire’s eggs onto a dish before handing it to her. “Eat up before they get cold. You want some toast?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.” She cuts the eggs and takes a bite. “Mmm, this is very good. I forgot how good you are at making breakfast.”

Cornelius laughs. “I’m glad you like it.” He cleans his hands with a dish towel. “So, how was your brother last night after I went to bed?”

“He was alright.” Claire sips her coffee. “He’s just so…broken. The only time I’ve ever seen him this crushed was when Mom died.”

“This is gonna be a tough one for him,” Cornelius sighs. “especially if he and Will don’t make it.”

Claire puts her fork down and looks up at her dad. “Is that what you think, that they’re not gonna make it?”

“I don’t know, honey.” Cornelius sits across from her. “But after everything he told us last night, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised. What’s happened between them, those wounds are deep and they aren’t going to heal easily.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t be surprised either.” Claire looks down. “I can’t believe Will did this to him after everything they’ve been through.”

“You can’t repeat what I’m about to tell you,” Cornelius looks towards the living room to make sure Connor is still sleeping. “but this is exactly what I was worried about when Connor told me about Logan.”

“What do you mean?”

“We all know that I was a shitty father for most of your and Connor’s life, but one thing I understand is that being a parent is a primordial, inherent instinct that supersedes all. Parents who say they would die for their children mean it because it’s literally coded in the DNA of all parents, it’s natural.” Cornelius explains. “When Connor called to tell me about Logan, I was happy to hear that he and Will decided to raise him together. But, in the back of my mind, I was worried that Will’s paternal instincts would kick in and override their intentions of co-parenting. That he would want to make up for the years lost with Logan by being the dominant one in charge of making all the decisions. I think it’s even worse in this case because Will had a crappy father as well so he’s been trying extra hard to assert his dominance and show that he’s nothing like his father. Will’s paternal instincts, as I feared, are so strong that they led to all of this and have overridden everything else, including his love for Connor.”

Claire sighs. “Well, whatever happens, Connor isn’t alone.”

“You’re right, honey.” Cornelius reaches for her hand. “And unlike in the past, it won’t just be you supporting him. It will you _and_ me this time.”

Claire smiles and squeezes her father’s hand, feeling a rush of pride for the man her father has become.

“Good morning.”

They turn and see Connor rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Good morning, son. Would you like something for breakfast?

“I’m just gonna have a bagel and some coffee, thanks, Dad.” Connor walks over and hugs his sister. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” 

Connor pours himself a cup of coffee. “How much _Once Upon a Time_ did we watch last night?”

“Ah, just two episodes and then you were out cold.” Claire responds. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” Connor shrugs as he butters himself a bagel. “I just feel really exhausted emotionally, it’s been a roller coaster of a couple of days.”

“Did you sleep well at least?” Cornelius asks. “I came downstairs to check on the two of you and you were passed out on the couch.”

“Yeah, I slept alright.” Connor sits at the counter next to his sister. “Thanks for letting me stay here, Dad. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Don’t be silly, you don’t have to thank me. This will always be your home, Connor, you’re always welcome here.” Cornelius clears his throat. “Listen, I don’t know what you want to do, but you’re more than welcome to take the day off today. I’ll talk to Ms. Goodwin when I get to the hospital and I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“No, no,” Connor shakes his head, taking a bite of his bagel. “I don’t wanna skip work today. The situation is what it is, I still have to live my life. I have things to take care of at work today and patients to check on. No matter what I’m feeling, Will can't keep me from doing my job.”

“How about we drive in together today?” Cornelius suggests. “Your shift doesn’t start until 9 so we can go in together and then come home together.”

“Okay,” Connor stares down into his coffee cup. “that’s a good idea, thanks.”

“Good.” Cornelius stands up. “I’m gonna go upstairs and finish some paperwork. I’ll meet you back down here around 8:30.”

“Wait, Dad,” Connor calls, causing Cornelius to stop in his tracks and turn around. He looks between his father and sister, feeling fresh emotion building up inside of him. “I want to thank the both of you for last night. It’s been a really long time since I felt like I had an actual family, my sister _and_ my father, to turn to during difficult times like this. Having both of you there, to talk to, to listen, and just your presence and your support, really meant everything.”

Claire reaches for her brother’s hand, squeezing it, as Cornelius walks over and puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Connor, there is absolutely nowhere else in the world I would have rather been last night than right here with you. I love you, son, so much, and while it crushed me to see you so heartbroken, I was glad to be there to support you when you needed it the most because I wasn’t there so many times over the years. You, me, and your sister, we’re finally a family again, and we are going to be here for you every step of the way for whatever you need. No matter what happens, I love you, I’m proud of you, and I will always be here. Both Claire and I will be here as you deal with this; you are not alone, Connor.”

“He’s right, Connor,” Claire gently rubs Connor’s back. “I love you and we both got you, no matter what.”

An overwhelmed Connor can’t hold it in and begins to cry lightly. Cornelius takes a seat at the stool next to him, pulling Connor into a hug, and Claire hugs him from behind. He isn’t necessarily sad about everything with Will at this moment, he’s just overcome with the emotion that reconnecting with his family in this way has brought on. With or without Will, he really isn’t alone anymore. 

**Scene** **:** **Chicago Med, 10 A.M.**

Bag slung over his shoulder, a tired Will walks through the ER doors following a sleepless night. After managing to pull himself together after Connor walked out, Will picked Logan up from Jay and Erin’s around 9, vaguely alluding to what happened with Connor. When they got home, he gave Logan a bath and put him to bed. Will then tried to get into bed and sleep, but his mind was racing with images of Connor’s tear stained face and the sound of the pain in his voice. Plus, their bed felt empty without him. He tried to move into the living room and sleep on the couch, but every time he closed his eyes all he could do was replay that scene. Logan then woke up around 2 so Will had to sit with him for a few hours until he fell back asleep. How is he supposed to be a father and deal with his relationship issues at the same time?

Lost in thought, Will walks by the front desk and into the break room to find it empty. He solemnly walks over to his locker to put his stuff away, wondering if Connor even came in today. If he did, would Connor talk to him?

Will is snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone beeping. He pulls it out of his pocket to see a text from Jay. 

**_Jay: Good morning. Erin and I know something’s up and we’re concerned. Ask Ashley if she can watch Logan for an extra hour tonight and stop by Molly’s when you get off to fill us in. I’m not taking no for an answer. _ **

Will sighs as he types his response. Tonight’s certainly gonna be fun.

Three hours later, Will is standing in front of Connor’s dad’s office door. Working up the nerve, he knocks on the door.

“Come in.”

An apprehensive Will opens the door to find Cornelius sitting at his desk. “Will, hi.”

“Hi, Mr. Rhodes.” Will closes the door, walking further into the office. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

Cornelius puts his pen down. “How can I help you?”

“I was, um,” Will hesitates. “I was wondering if you know where Connor is. I haven’t seen him all day.”

“He’s having lunch with his sister.” Cornelius clears his throat. “But quite frankly, Dr. Halstead, where my son is shouldn’t concern you. I believe he asked you for a few days to think.”

“He did ask for a few days, but…”

“No but’s, Will.” Cornelius sternly replies, standing up and walking from behind his desk. “After what you’ve done to my son, the least you can do is respect the one thing he’s asking of you and give him space. Since you haven’t been respecting him in any other way.”

“I know you’re mad.” Will puts his hand on the back of a chair. “I’m a father now, I understand.”

“You think you understand because you’ve had a son for what, two weeks?” Cornelius scoffs, leaning against his desk. “I’ve had 30 years of experience as a father and while I wasn’t always the best, those years count for something. Your pathetic two weeks pales in comparison to 30 years so I can tell you with absolute certainty that you have no idea what I am feeling.”

Realizing the error in what he said, Will starts to speak, but Cornelius puts his hand up.

“I’m not done!” Cornelius angrily crosses his arms. “Last night, I saw Connor in a way that I have not seen him since his mother died. You’ve crushed him, Will, because you let having Logan in your life go to your head. You got drunk on the power that comes with being a parent because you wanted to make up for missing out on his life while proving that you’re nothing like your own father and in the process of doing so, you completely disregarded my son. My son, the guy who loves you. The guy who has done everything and has given everything to be with you and was so kind as to accept the responsibility of co-parenting Logan because that’s who he is: a kind, giving person. And what did he get for all of that? Disrespect, embarrassment, and a broken heart that may never be repaired. You may be the one who opened my eyes to the fact that love has no gender, but you’ve now also shown me that asshole partners exists in heterosexual and homosexual relationship alike. So until your son has sobbed uncontrollably in your arms, until you’ve heard the pain in his voice as he tells you what happened, until your own heart has broken from watching and listening to your son suffer like mine did last night, you will _never_ understand what I am feeling.” 

He sighs heavily. “I thought you were good for him, Will, but my son deserves better than someone who has treated him like you have. Yet, ultimately, that’s not my decision to make. Just, please, respect what Connor is asking and give him his space to figure things out. I know you’ve heard stories about how ruthless I can be, but you’ve never seen that side of me. You will though if you don’t honor Connor’s request and trust me, you’re not going to like it.”

Swallowing hard after listening to Cornelius, Will notices that his hand is shaking. He tries to compose himself and takes a deep breath. “I will. Please tell Connor that he knows how to get in touch with me and where to find me when he’s ready to talk.”

He walks towards the door, but turns around. “For what it’s worth I’m really sorry for what I did to Connor. I feel just…horrible. I love him very much and I never wanted any of this.”

“Well, sorry isn’t gonna fix Connor’s broken heart,” Cornelius coldly replies. “so I don't really think it’s worth that much.”

Will solemnly nods and walks out of the office. Man, he’s really fucked this up big time.

**Scene** **:** **Molly’s, 7 P.M.**

Will is sitting at a table with Jay and Erin. He told them the whole story about what happened with Connor and they have been sitting in silence for about two minutes.

Will notices the blank expressions on their faces. “Are you going guys to say something?”

Jay turns to Erin. “Do you wanna slap him or should I?”  
  
“Be nice, Jay.” Erin scolds him. “No one’s slapping you, Will. Jay’s only kidding.” 

“She's right.” Jay turns to Will. “I am only kidding, I’d never slap you.”

“I deserve it, though.” An ashamed Will looks down into his soda. “We all know it.”

“You got me there.” Jay sips his beer. “That I cannot deny.”

“I don’t know how I let this happen,” Will shakes his head in disbelief. “I got so wrapped up in Logan, in being a father, that I completely neglected my relationship with Connor. I let everything fall apart, made Connor feel like he’s not valued or respected, and ruined everything we’ve worked so hard to build. The worst part is that I didn’t even realize it until it was too late, until Connor pointed it out and was at his breaking point. If he hadn’t given me that reality check, I would’ve continued to let it go on until there was nothing left of our relationship.”

Jay sighs, hearing the defeat in his brother’s voice. “Listen, Will, you’re my little brother and I love you so you’ll always have my support, no matter what. But you screwed up and I can’t tell you that what you did is gonna go away easily or that Connor’s going to be ready to get back together tomorrow, but I know, beyond a doubt, that he loves you. He loves you so much that he was willing to co-parent Logan with you. So I think what you need to do, what you owe to him and to yourself, is figure out why and how this all happened.”

“I agree with Jay.” Erin puts her arm around his neck. “It might not make anything better, but maybe an explanation will help Connor somehow. You’d both be getting clarity out of it for what lies ahead in the future.”

Will nods, his thoughts returning to his conversation with Cornelius earlier. Maybe there’s some truth to what he said. Regardless, he does have to figure out how it got to this point.

**Scene** **:** **Chicago Med, 5 days later (Tuesday), 4 P.M.**

It has been six days since Connor went to go stay with his father and while they have run into each other at the hospital, they have managed to avoid treating the same patients. Connor had to stop by their apartment two days ago to pick up a few things, but luckily no one was home. Will really misses Connor, but knows that no good will come from pressuring him. Connor has enjoyed staying with his father and spending time with him and his sister while providing him with the opportunity to think through things.

“You really didn’t have to come in on your day off just for this.” Ethan tells Connor. The two of them are walking on the second floor towards Connor's dad office. 

“Don’t be silly,” Connor puts his hands in his jeans pockets. “I’m glad to help.”

“I know you and Will are having a rough time,” Ethan hesitantly says. “so I appreciate you getting involved in my love life while you’re dealing with your own stuff.”

“This isn't about me. This is about you, Ethan.” Connor puts his hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “You’re my friend, you deserve to be happy, and Melissa makes you happy.”

They approach Cornelius’ office door and Connor knocks. “Come in.”

“See you soon, pal.” Connor disappears into his dad’s office, leaving an anxious Ethan to wait outside.

About ten minutes later, Ethan is leaning against the wall when Will comes down the hall. “Hey, Ethan.”

“Will, hi.” Ethan looks towards the office. “What’s up?”

“I was just coming back from picking up some test results.” Will notices Ethan’s tense posture. “Are you ok, buddy? Something wrong?”

Before Ethan can respond, the office door opens to reveal Connor.

“Connor.” 

“Hi.” Connor awkwardly replies before turning to Ethan. “I spoke to my dad and he’s totally on board with you and Melissa. He does want you to come in and talk for a little bit, he’s gonna call Melissa up here also and talk about your dating.”

“Really?” Ethan is unable to contain a smile. “Thank you so much, Connor. I really appreciate your help.”

“Anytime, buddy.” Connor pats him on the back. “Now get in there, my dad’s waiting for you.”

Ethan nods and walks into the office, leaving Will and Connor alone in the hallway. 

“That was a nice thing you did for Ethan, talking to your dad about him and Melissa.”

“Yeah, well it was your idea.”

“It was,” Will exhales. “but you didn’t have to do it.”

“Ethan’s a great guy, he’s been through a lot, and Melissa’s a sweet girl who makes him happy.” Connor clears his throat. “He should be happy so I’m just glad to help with that.”

Will smiles, wishing he could say something to Connor about the status of their relationship, but he knows it has to come from Connor. “Ok, well, I have to get back to work.”

Will starts to walk off when Connor calls him. “Will, wait.”

Pulse racing, Will turns around. “What’s up?”

“I think it’s time we finally talk,” Connor walks towards him. “how about you come by my old apartment when you finish your shift, say 7 P.M.?”

“I'll be there.”

“See you then.”

Connor walks off, leaving Will alone with his thoughts. He’s finally getting a chance to fix everything tonight and set their relationship back on track. 

**Scene** : **Connor’s Apartment, 7:15 P.M.**

A nervous Will knocks on the door, feeling a sense of Déjà vu to when they got back together last year. 

“Hey.” Connor greets him, opening the door. 

“Hey.” Will replies as Connor ushers him inside. “Sorry for the delay, I got held up at the hospital.”

“No worries.”

Will looks around at Connor's old apartment, which is empty aside from two stools at the kitchen counter and two chairs in the living room. Like the furniture from Will’s old apartment, Connor put his in storage when they moved in together.

“Wow, your old apartment,” Will walks further in. “it really brings back memories.”

“Yeah, it does.” Connor walks into the kitchen. “So, do you have time or do you need to get home to Logan?”

“Oh, no, I have plenty of time. I told Ashley not to expect me before 9.”

“Ok, good.” Connor leans on the kitchen counter. “To be honest, I’m not really sure how to start.”

“Well, then can I start?” Will asks, moving towards one of the chairs in the living room. “You got to say everything last time and there’s a lot I want to say now.”

“Go ahead.”

“I want to start by telling you that I love you, Connor, very much. You changed my life in so many ways, for the better, when you walked into it and I cannot imagine where or what I’d be today without you. Despite recent events, you mean everything to me and you are everything to me.” He takes a seat. “I heard everything you said last week loud and clear and I can’t deny that any part of it was wrong. I just wasn’t aware that any of it was happening until you pointed it out, until my actions drove you away. I’ve racked my brain for the last six days to try and figure why and how I let it go this far, how I let everything get to this point, and something your dad said to me resonated. I haven’t been able to get it off my mind since and I think it might explain everything. Not justify, but explain.”

Connor takes a seat at the kitchen counter as Will takes a deep breath and continues. “When I found out about Logan being my son, I was overcome with so many emotions. Fear, confusion, and most prominently, guilt. I felt like I had to make up for missing for the first five years of his life, that I had to be the dad who always says yes and gives into whatever Logan wants to assuage my guilt for the years I missed. And that’s why Logan has become snot-nosed and spoiled, as you put it, because I'm been so overcome with guilt that my first impulse is to say yes so that all he knows is getting his way. Also, because my guilt weights on me so heavily, I’ve felt like I needed to exert my position as his father and be the only one making decisions regarding Logan. And eventually that power, that power of making the decisions as Logan’s father to ease my guilt, went to my head and took over to the point that I stopped listening to you. I demonized you for trying to establish rules and limits, I stopped respecting you and valuing your role as my co-parent, and began to undermine you in front of Logan, which sent him the message that he had no reason to respect you, either. This was all complicated further by the fact that my father was shitty, as you well know, so I had to prove to myself that I was a good father at all costs. Even if that meant spoiling Logan by always saying yes, using my power as his dad to make all the decisions, and undermining and disrespecting you. Something inside me changed when I found out about Logan, it’s like my paternal instincts took over and my love for you just went on the back burner. I’m not proud of any of this, in fact I'm very ashamed of my actions and how I treated you. We were supposed to life partners and co-parents and I betrayed and destroyed that, and I just…I am so unbelievably sorry, Connor. I love you and we can fix this, get our relationship back on track, and it starts with having a long talk with Logan when we go home. We’ll talk to him together, a one hundred percent united front, tell him that we are both his parents, and set rules and limits that will put an end to his spoiled behavior.”

“That all sounds good, Will,” Connor plays with his fingers. “and while I appreciate the explanation and I understand everything you said, I’m not going home.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that our apartment is no longer my home,” Connor’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I’m moving back here, into my old apartment.”

“I’m sorry,” Will stands up, walking towards Connor. “what exactly are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I want to break up, Will.” His voice shaky, Connor takes off his engagement ring and sets it on the kitchen counter. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

“What? No!” Will runs towards Connor, bending down next to him. “Babe, you can’t mean that. You’re just angry.”

“I’m not just angry,” Connor shakes his head, holding back his tears. “I’m devastated. I gave you everything I had. My heart, body, and soul, not to mention my dignity and self-respect, and you destroyed me, Will. My heart is broken, shattered into a million pieces.”

“But babe,” A teary-eyed Will reaches for Connor’s hand, desperate to change his mind. “I’m so sorry. I explained everything that happened and I know we can fix this.”

“Do you really think an explanation and an apology is enough?!” Connor shouts, blinking back a few tears. “I can never forgive you, Will. You’ve completely betrayed my trust and destroyed my faith in you, there’s nothing left to fix. I thought I knew you, but the fact that you became this person who used his power as a dad to assuage his guilt proves that I didn’t. I was worried when I first learned about Logan, that he would change our relationship, and it turns out those initial fears were correct and I was just too naïve to see it. Because no matter what I did, you were going to pick Logan over me and I was foolish to believe otherwise.”

“Baby,” A now crying Will stands up as Connor steps away from him. “I love you, I can’t live without you.”

“The wounds are just too deep, Will.” Connor wipes away his tears and tries to compose himself. “I will always love you, but you're a totally different person to me now and I can’t be with you anymore. You need to be with Logan, and focus on building your relationship with him, and I need to focus on taking care of myself. Figuring out who I am without you.” He picks up his engagement ring and hands it to Will. “You can have this back.”

Bowing his head as tears roll down his cheek, Will takes off his engagement ring and gives it to Connor. “I never meant for any of this to happen, Connor. When we exchanged these rings, the only time I thought we’d take them off is to replace them with our wedding rings.”

“Me too.”

“Can I at least have a hug?”

Connor nods as they embrace, both in tears knowing this is the end. “You will always be in my heart, Connor. I will never stop loving you.”

Connor sniffles as they break apart, unsure of how to respond. 

Taking one final look at Connor, Will towards the door. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” 

As soon as the door closes, Connor buries his head in his hands. That was the hardest decision he has ever had to make, it broke his already broken heart even further. Except Will left him no choice, he can’t forgive him for what happened, so it’s best that they both move on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	59. End of an Era

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Here's the final chapter of 2016. Thank you very much to everyone for all the support with this story this year. This story has come a long way and will still be going strong in 2017. Happy Holidays and a Happy & Healthy New Year to all!
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 3 days later (Friday), 8 P.M.**  
  
Connor and Will have not spoken since their break up as all of the feelings are still very raw. They have completely avoided each other at the hospital, with Natalie and Ethan acting as buffers when need be. With the help of his childhood friend/sister’s boyfriend Russell and his father, he got all of his old furniture out of storage and is resettling back into his old apartment. He still has to get some things from his and Will’s old apartment, but he’s putting that off until the last possible minute.  
  
Connor is putting some things away when he hears his phone beep. He checks it and sees a text from Ethan.  
  
_**Ethan: Hey, buddy. Melissa, Natalie, Jeff, Maggie, and I are going to Molly’s tonight and we wanted to know if you wanted to join. Will already went home so don’t worry about him.**_  
  
Connor sighs. It’s been a tough few days ad while he’s grateful for friends, he just needs to be alone tonight.  
  
_**Connor: Thanks, Ethan. I appreciate the offer, but I’m exhausted tonight and am just gonna stay in. Have fun and have a drink for me. I’ll see you guys tomorrow at work.**_  
  
_**Ethan: The offer stands if you change your mind, we’re meeting at 9.**_  
  
Connor slumps onto couch and throws his phone down. _How did his life get here?_  
  
**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 8:30 P.M.**  
  
Will opens the apartment door and sees Logan at the kitchen counter with Ashley. “Daddy!”  
  
“Hey, buddy,” Will drops his bag on the ground and walks into the kitchen. “what are you having there?”  
  
“Ms. Ashley gave me some milk,” Logan holds up his now almost empty glass. “to dunk my Oreos in.”  
  
He hands Will the glass, which has little pieces of Oreo floating in it. “That looks good. Did you save any for me?”  
  
“Uh-oh,” Logan turns to Ashley. “do we have more for my dad?”  
  
Ashley laughs. “I think we can find some for him.”  
  
She uses a napkin to wipe Logan’s face as Lucky barks. “Ah, I think Lucky wants a snack, too.”  
  
“Oh, oh!” Logan jumps off the kitchen stool. “Can I give it to him, dad?”  
  
“Sure, buddy,” Will chuckles. “do you know where the treats are?”  
  
“I do.” Logan nods, opening the bottom cabinet and pulling out the box of dog treats. “Come on, Lucky, snack time.”  
  
Lucky barks and follows Logan into the living room.  
  
Will smiles and turns back to Ashley, who is wiping down the counter. “I know it’s a little late, but I hope you don’t mind that I let Logan have some milk and cookies. He said he was hungry and I didn’t want to give him anything too heavy because I know you try to put him to bed around 10.”  
  
“No,” Will shakes his head. “that’s totally fine. I actually love milk and cookies, although I never dunk like that anymore.”  
  
“Same here.” Ashley laughs, turning to the kitchen sink to wash the dishes.  
  
“How was everything with Logan today?” Will asks, looking through the mail. “Was he well behaved?”  
  
“Yeah,” Ashley dries her hand with a dish towel. “everything went well. He was a delight, as always.” She clears her throat. “I hate to bring this up, Will, but I need to talk to you about something before I go.”  
  
“Of course,” Will looks into the living room to see Logan playing with Lucky before taking a seat at the kitchen counter. “what’s up, Ashley?”  
  
“Um, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this,” Ashley reaches into her pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. “but I went to cash the check you gave me and the teller said the check couldn’t be cashed because the account it’s coming from has insufficient funds.”  
  
“Hm, that’s strange,” Will bites his lip, noticing the paper in her hand. “Is that the check? Can I see it?”  
  
“Yeah,” She replies, handing it to him.  
  
After looking it over for a second, Will furrows his brow. “Are you sure the teller said that the account has insufficient funds?”  
  
“Mm-hmm.”  
  
“I don’t know how’s that possible.” A confused Will pulls out his phone. “This is our joint checking account, there’s no way there’s not enough money in the account.”  
  
He types away at his phone before his eyes widen. _The account is practically empty, that’s impossible!_  
  
“I’m sorry to make a big deal out of this,” Ashley leans on the counter. “but it’s just, it's the end of the month and I have bills that are coming due.”  
  
“There’s no need to explain, Ashley. You get paid and you expect the money to be available, it’s only reasonable.” Will assures her, standing up. “I’m sorry about the confusion and the hassle, I will have another check for you  tomorrow.”  
  
“I appreciate that, thank you.”  
  
“No problem.”  
  
Will taps his foot as Ashley walks into the living room to say goodnight to Logan. There’s only one explanation for the missing money, Connor must’ve taken it out, and now he has to text him to find out about it.  
  
“Goodnight, Ms. Ashley.” Logan hugs her. “See you tomorrow.”  
  
Ashley puts her jacket on. “Goodnight, sweetie.”  
  
“Thank you for everything, Ashley,” Will puts his hands in his pocket. “and sorry again for the mixup. Like I said, I’ll have a brand new check for you tomorrow.”  
  
“Thanks, goodnight.”  
  
“Goodnight.”  
  
Will closes the door and turns to Logan. “Do you wanna watch something on television, buddy?”  
  
“How about _Modern Family_?”  
  
“Sounds good.” Will nods. “You and Lucky get started. I’m gonna get a drink and I’ll join you in a minute.”  
  
“Okay, Dad.” Logan enthusiastically replies as he grabs the remote and he and Lucky sit on the couch.  
  
Will walks into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, and sighs at what he has to do. Might as well just do it and get it over with.  
  
**_Will: Ashley was just telling me that she was unable to cash her check because our joint checking account has insufficient funds. I just checked and saw that almost all of the money is gone. You may not want to share an apartment, or our lives, anymore but that is still our account and our money. So do you want to tell me what’s going on?_**  
  
**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 8:45 P.M.**  
  
Connor is sitting on the couch watching _Once Upon a Time_. “Go, Regina! Show them who’s the boss!” _Man, Lana Parrilla kills it in this role!_  
  
Connor’s train of thought is interrupted by the sound of his phone. He reaches for it and sees a text from Natalie.  
  
**_Natalie: Ethan told me that you’re not joining us at Molly’s. I know what you’re going through, but you can’t sit home alone wallowing in your misery. It’s not healthy, Connor, and I love you too much to allow that._**  
  
**_Connor: I love you too, Natalie, and I appreciate the concern. But I just need to be alone tonight, thanks._**  
  
Before he can put his phone down, it beeps and he sees a text from Willl. Unsure of what it could possibly say, he opens the text.  
  
_Oh shit, Ashley couldn't cash cash her check because Connor took out money from their account. He didn’t even realize that Will was still paying her from their joint account. They may have broken up, but their lives are still connected and there's a lot left up in the air that needs to be addressed._  
  
**_Connor: I took out the money, but I didn’t realize you were still paying Ashley out of our account. I’m sorry. I saw the schedule and I know we’re working the same shift so let’s meet in the break room tomorrow morning to talk about this._**  
  
After sending the text, he is struck with an idea and he dials a number. “Hey, Claire. I have an idea I wanna run by you.”  
  
**Scene : Chicago Med, the next morning (Saturday), 8 A.M.**  
  
Will is sitting in the break room, cup of coffee and bagel in hand, anxiously waiting for Connor to arrive. This is going to be the first real conversation they’ve had since the night of their break up.  
  
The door opens and Will feels his pulse race as he sees Connor walk in. “Good morning.”  
  
“Good morning.” Connor replies. “I’m just gonna put my stuff down and then we’ll talk.”  
  
“Sure.” Connor walks away as Will eats a piece of his bagel, trying to contain his nerves.  
  
Walking back over, Connor pours himself a cup of coffee and takes a seat across from Will. “Thanks for coming in to meet me.”  
  
Will nods, waiting for Connor to get to the point.  
  
“So, about our account,” Connor grips his coffee cup in his hand. “I took the money out because I had to pay to break my contract with the storage facility where I had my furniture stored. I also needed money to get my power and gas turned back on and to get my FIOS re-installed. It honestly didn’t even occur to me that you were still paying Ashley out of our joint account, but I should have thought about that and I’m sorry.”  
  
Will crosses his arms over his chest. “Why didn’t you just take the money out of your savings account?”  
  
“You know me well enough to know that I don’t touch the money in my savings account unless it’s an emergency.” Connor clears his throat. “I had my last two paychecks and the money we got as gifts for our engagement just laying untouched in the account so that’s why I decided to use it. You had never deposited your last paycheck into our account so all that’s left is your half of our engagement money.”  
  
“Yeah, there was a mistake with the direct deposit for my last check.” Will leans back. “So, since you’ve basically taken all your money out of our account, I guess I’ll be paying Ashley for the last two weeks myself.”  
  
“Well, you made it very clear that Logan's your son,” Connor indignantly replies, trying to hide the pain in his voice. “so you should be the one to pay his nanny.”  
  
Will sighs, feeling Connor’s words hitting him like a knife to the heart. “Connor...”  
  
“It doesn’t matter, Will.” Connor firmly replies, refusing to making eye contact. “We broke up so that’s up to you. What you and I have to figure out now is what we do about everything’s that left up in the air.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Like it or not, and I certainly don’t, our lives are connected, Will.” Connor sips his coffee, trying to compose himself. “The apartment, our finances, and so on. Now that we’re not together, we need to figure out what to do about everything.”  
  
“Ok, well,” Will takes a bite of his bagel. “we can sit down and go through everything.”  
  
“No, we can’t, Will. I’m sorry, but I can barely stand to be around you after everything that’s happened.” Connor looks down, exhaling sharply. His voice is trembling, but he tries hard to steady it. “I’m sure in time it’ll get better, and I know meeting this morning was my idea, but when I look at you, the pain and the anger come rushing back to the surface.”  
  
“I understand,” Will sighs, closing his eyes as he feels his own heart breaking. _He really has destroyed this wonderful, sweet guy._ “So, what do we do?”  
  
“I think we should do a mediation type thing to go through everything,” Connor explains. “with my sister and your brother. I already spoke to Claire and she’s on board so if you talk to Jay, maybe we could meet you guys  tonight or tomorrow night, and go through everything.”  
  
“I don’t have to talk to Jay.” Will replies. “I’m perfectly fine with Claire being the mediator, I trust her. No matter what she thinks of me these days.”  
  
“I want this to be done in a fair manner,” Connor rationalizes. “so I think it’s best that you ask Jay, or Erin, to come to make sure that your interests are represented equally. You may trust Claire, but she’s gonna be looking out for my interests. Plus, she’s not a fan of yours since our break up.”  
  
“Okay,” Will pull out his phone. “I’ll text Jay right now and I’ll let you know what he says.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
Before Will can say another word, Connor grabs his coffee and walks out of the break room.  
  
After texting Jay, Will buries his head in his hand. _How did he let himself devastate an amazing guy like Connor?_  
  
Scene **: Connor & Will’s Apartment, 7 P.M.**  
  
Will and Jay are waiting for Connor and Claire to come over and Erin is watching Logan.  
  
“Thanks for coming, Jay.” Will calls from the dining room. “I’m sure mediation with your brother’s ex-fiancé wasn’t how you planned on spending your Saturday night.”  
  
“That’s what brothers are for.” Jay grabs a water out of the fridge “Besides, I know this is gonna be tough for you so I’m glad to be here.”  
  
“It’s probably gonna be pretty frigid in here.” Will joins his brother in the kitchen. “Connor told me that he can’t stand to be around me after what happened and Claire definitely hates me.”  
  
“Well, then it’s a good thing I’m here.” Jay puts his hand on his brother’s back. “Don’t worry, Will, I got you.”  
  
Will half-smiles as they hear a knock at the door. “That must be them. Can you get it, Jay? I’m too nervous.”  
  
“Sure thing.”  
  
Jay walks over to answer the door and opens it to see Claire and Connor.  
  
“Hi, guys.” Jay ushers them inside. “Come on in.”  
  
They enter the apartment and as Connor hangs his jacket up, Claire looks at Jay. “It’s good to see you, Jay.”  
  
“You too.” They hug. “It’s unfortunate it’s under these circumstances.”  
  
“Agreed.” Claire takes her jacket off and Connor takes it from her to hang up. “Thanks.”  
  
Out of ways to avoid Jay, Connor turns to face him. “Hey, Jay. Been a while.”  
  
“Connor,” Jay walks up to him and pulls him into a hug. Resistant at first, Connor hugs him back. “I am so sorry about you and Will. Erin is too. We both feel so terrible.”  
  
“Thanks, Jay,” Connor half-smiles. “but it’s not your fault.” He looks around at his former apartment as everyone hears a bark and Lucky come running over to Connor.  
  
“Hey, buddy.” Connor bends down to pet Lucky, who licks his hand. “I’m glad you still remember me.”  
  
“I don’t think he’d ever forget you.” Will says as he walks into the room, causing Connor to look up. “Hi.”  
  
“Hey.” Connor awkwardly replies, standing up. “Should we, um, get started?”  
  
“Yeah, let’s go into the dining room.”  
  
The four of them walk into the living room and take a seat at the table, with Connor & Claire on one side and Will & Jay on the other.  
  
“Did you get the agenda I emailed you?” Connor asks. “If not, Claire has extra in her purse.”  
  
“Yeah, I got it,” Will hands Jay a piece of paper. “Let the separation of our lives together begin.”  
  
Claire looks at her brother to see if he has any reaction to that comment, but he is looking over the agenda. “Just a quick rule. Jay and I are here to represent your interests and to speak for you, so anything you have to say, you will say through us.” She looks at the agenda. “Let’s turn to item one, the apartment.”   
Will whispers to Jay. “The break up just happened three days ago so Will needs at least a month, if not two, to get the people subletting his old apartment out so he and Logan can move in there.”  Connor whispers to Claire. “Actually, Connor said the rent here is paid until the end of August. When they moved in, the landlord was on his way out so he got them in under a cheaper lease agreement if they agreed to pay through August. All of the bills here are under both their names, so as long as Will promises to pay all the bills on the time so it doesn’t impact Connor’s credit, Connor has no problem with Will and Logan staying here until the end of August. Granted, of course, that Will pays Connor back for every month they live here that Connor doesn’t.”  
  
“Oh, wow,” Will nods his head. “I forgot about that.”  
  
“Um, Will,” Jay hits his hand. “I speak for you, remember?”  
  
“Sorry.” He whispers to Jay. “Will says thank you. Logan has grown accustomed to living here, so they’re going to staying for now. With regards to Connor’s half of the rent, he’ll leave a check every month with your dad at the hospital.”  
  
“Agreed.” Claire turns to the agenda. “Item number two, Lucky.” Connor whispers to her. “Are you sure?” Connor nods.  
  
“This is Lucky’s home so Connor is going to let Will keep Lucky as long as he promises to take good care of him.”  
  
Will whispers to Jay. “Is Connor sure? Lucky was an engagement from me, you, my fiancée, and your cousins. Does he want him on some weekdays, weekends, or at least to visit sometimes?”  
  
“No,” Claire affirms, as Connor nods. “Connor loves Lucky, but he is too much of a reminder of everything that they lost.”  
  
“Well then, Will promises to take good care of him.”  
  
Claire nods and turns back to the agenda. “Item number three, January bills.”  
  
Will whispers to Jay. “They both lived here for most of January so Will thinks that they should both be responsible for the bills.”  
  
Connor whispers to Claire. “Connor agrees. When Will gets the bills, set them aside and when they’re coming due, bring them to the hospital to go over with Connor. Once they go over them, Connor will pay Will for his half.”  
  
“Agreed.”  
  
“Item number four, the money they got as gifts for their engagement.” Claire looks at Connor. “Well, Connor already took out and used his half of the money so Will’s half is left in their joint checking account.”  
  
Connor whispers to his sister. “That brings us to item number five, their joint checking account. Connor wants to close it now that they’ve broken up, but it needs to be emptied and they both need to be present at the bank to close the account.”  
  
Will whispers to Jay. “Will will take out his half of the money, emptying the account. When Connor’s ready to close the account, text Will and he’ll meet Connor at the bank to do so.”  
  
“Very good.” Claire picks up the agenda sheet. “Item number six, Connor’s credit card bill for apartment furniture.” Connor whispers to his sister. “Connor is still paying off whatever furniture he specifically paid for in this apartment. Since he’s not living here anymore, he can either take the furniture with him or give Will an amount to reimburse him for.”  
  
Will’s eyes widen. _Wow, Connor really wants to sever all ties with him._ He whispers to his brother. “Write down the full balance that Connor paid for furniture in the apartment and Will is going to write him a check by the end of the week and leave it with your dad at the hospital.”  
  
“Agreed.” Claire turns back to the agenda sheet. Item number seven, social media accounts.” Connor whispers to his sister. “Connor think it’s best they both change their relationship status to single and write something general about things not working out and them asking for privacy.”  
  
Will whispers to Jay. “Will agrees. He thinks that they should coordinate their statements, though, so that they say the same thing.”  
  
Connor whispers to Claire. “Connor thinks that’s a good idea. He wants to come up with something before we leave  tonight.”  
  
“Agreed.”  
  
“Final item, Connor’s mail.” Claire clears her throat as Connor whispers in her ear. “Connor is going to start having his mail forwarded to his old apartment, but we all know how the post office is. Therefore, he asks that anything that arrives here for him be brought to our dad’s office at the hospital.”  
  
“Done.”  
  
“Ok, so that’s that.” Connor stands up. “I brought some suitcases and I wanna go grab the last of my things so my stuff is officially out of here.”  
  
“Sure,” Will sadly replies.  
  
“Do you need any help?” Jay offers.  
  
“Um...” Connor starts to respond before Claire interrupts. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Jay, you help my brother pack the rest of his stuff and Will and I will work on the break up statement for their social media accounts.”  
A surprised Connor turns to his sister, furrowing his brow. “Are you sure, Claire?”  
  
“Absolutely, go.”  
  
Jay shrugs as he follows Connor outside as Will walks into the other room to get some blank paper and a pen, confused as to why Claire wants to be alone with him. Is she gonna chew him out?  
  
Will backs into the dining room and takes a seat at the table, handing Claire the paper and pen. “Here you go.” He clears his throat.  
  
“So, how do you think we should start it?” Claire asks, her voice rising. “Will’s a disgusting asshole who broke my brother’s heart?!”  
  
**_Here it is, he knew it_**. “Claire…”  
  
“No!” An angry Claire shouts, shaking her head. “I cannot believe you hurt Connor, Will...AGAIN! Do you have any idea how much he loves you and how deep you’ve cut him? You are a selfish, moronic jerk who acted like my brother was some disposable object instead of your fiancé. All Connor did was love you and try to co-parent Logan with you and in return, you treated him with complete disrespect and chose Logan over him. I believed in you, Will, I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to my brother. But I was wrong; you were the worst thing that ever happened to him. I’m glad I came to help you separate the remaining aspects of your lives together because the sooner he is rid of you, the better off he is. You don’t deserve someone as wonderful as him, Will. You’re not even on his level, and I’m glad Connor saw that before you got married.”  
  
Before Will can respond, Connor and Jay walk back in.  
  
“Everything alright in here?” Jay asks, following Connor towards the bedroom.  
  
“Yeah,” Will focuses back on the task at the hand. “all good.”  
  
Claire and Will sit silently as Jay and Connor head into the master bedroom.  
  
“You know, Connor,” Jay sits on the bed as Connor grabs some of his clothes out of the closet. “just because you and my brother broke up, I want you to know that doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’re a great guy and Will is a total ass for what he did to you. As far as I’m concerned, he lost the best feeling that ever happened to him.”  
  
Connor half-smiles, folding up some of his clothes and packing them away. “Thanks, Jay.”  
  
“Erin was so upset when she found out you guys broke up. She was crying and everything.” Jay looks down. “I was pretty upset, too. We wanted to see you, but we didn’t wanna crowd you or overstep. But no matter what, I want you to know that Erin and I will always be there for you. Whatever you need, you can always come to us because, with or without Will, we consider you family.”  
  
Connor tries to hold himself together as he listens to Jay’s words. He really looked forward to the day he married Will and was able to call Jay and Erin family. They’ve become such a big part of his life and now that’s all gone. “I’ll always consider you guys to be family, too. Please send Erin my love and tell her that I’ll see her soon.”  
  
He clears his throat and focuses on packing the rest of his clothes.  
  
**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, one hour later, ****8:30 P.M**.  
  
Claire and Connor walk in, with Connor carrying two suitcases full of his things.  
  
She looks around. “I gotta get in here  tomorrow and bring a woman’s touch to this place. Gotta soften it up and work on the Feng shui.”  
  
She turns to Connor and sees the serious look on his face. “Hey, it was just a joke. What’s wrong, Connor?”  
  
“Oh, nothing.” Connor walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge to pull out a water. “It’s just been a long day, I’m tired.”  
  
“I’m not buying it,” Claire joins him at the kitchen counter. “what’s going on?”  
  
“Tonight was a lot harder that I expected,” Connor sighs, looking down as he feels the emotion building up. “I know it was my idea to separate out everything that remained from our relationship, but it really made our break up feel official. Going through the items on the agenda, packing the last of my things, it felt like the end of an era. Plus, Jay was telling me how he and Erin will always consider me to be family and that they’ll always be there for me, and it made me sad because they’ve become such big parts of my life and I’m gonna miss having them in my life.”  
  
“Aw, Connor,” Claire reaches for his hand and squeezes his hand. “I know tonight was difficult, but it was your idea and I truly believe that it was a good one. Now everything is settled between you and Will and you can focus on moving on.”  
  
“Will was everything to me,” Connor looks up at Claire with tears in his eyes, voice breaking. “I loved him more than anything and he betrayed me. How am I supposed to move on?”  
  
Claire walks over and pulls her brother into a hug. “I think you need to get away, Connor. All the pain, angst, and drama from everything with Will is so fresh and raw. You need a break from it all, to recharge, clear your head, and find perspective. Do you remember when we were younger and we used to go away to in the winter with Mom and Dad, to that cabin just outside the city?”  
  
Connor nods. “I think we should go there. Me and you. A week, maybe a week and a half, to get away from everything, so you can find clarity and try to heal. I’ll talk to Dad about it and you taking the time off and see what he says.”  
  
“That sounds good.” Connor replies, head resting on his sister’s shoulder. “Thanks, Claire. I love you.”  
  
“I love you too, Connor.” Claire rubs his back. “You’re gonna get through this, don’t you worry.”  
  
_To Friends and Family,_  
_As you can tell from my relationship status, Will and I/Connor and I have decided to end our engagement and our relationship. This was a mutual decision that we arrived at after much consideration due to reasons and circumstances that we prefer not to discuss. We appreciate everyone’s outpouring of love and support, for which we will forever be grateful. At this difficult time, we please ask for privacy as we move on with our lives. Thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	60. Adjusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Happy New Year to All! Here is the first chapter of 2017.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 3 days later, Tuesday, January 31, 2017, 9 A.M.**

Will is sitting in the break room with Natalie.

“It was awful, Natalie,” Will sadly tells her. “to sit there and pick apart our lives together like that. It was as if everything we had for the last year, over a year actually, could just be boiled down so mechanically and resolved so easily. Plus, Claire read me the riot act when we were alone. It was a much more difficult night than I expected.”

“Will, honey,” Natalie sips her coffee. “I know Connor as well as you do, I’ve seen how this situation has impacted him, and I have no doubt that it was just as hard for him as it was for you to separate out your lives like that. Regardless of whether or not he showed it, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t mechanical or simple for him. Regarding Claire, she’s his sister, so did you expect anything else?”

“No, I didn’t.” Will shakes his head. “She was supposed to be my sister-in-law and now she hates me. Connor can’t stand being around me, and forget his dad, I’m lucky he’s doesn't fire me."

“With time, everything’s going to get better, Will.” Natalie tries to lift his spirits. “Connor will heal and move on and as he does, Claire and his dad’s attitudes towards you will change as well. Connor needs space to deal with what’s happened and you need to be prepared for the fact that once he’s in a better place emotionally, he might want nothing to do with you outside of the hospital.”

“I know.” Will sighs. “I owe Connor some money and I said I’d leave it with his dad so I’m gonna bring it upstairs before we get busy.” He stands up. “Do you think maybe Cornelius is nicer in the morning?”

“I say this with lots of love,” Natalie tries to put this gently. “but given what you did to Connor, I don’t think his dad is going to be too friendly to you no matter time of day it is.”

Will bows his head. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck.”

Will walks out of the break room and gets on the elevator. On the ride up, he braces himself before stepping out and walking to Cornelius’ office. He takes a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Come in.”

Will hesitantly opens the door. “Hi, Mr. Rhodes.”

“Dr. Halstead.” Cornelius looks up, clearing his throat. “Can I help you with something?”

  “I know I’m the last person you want to see.” Will closes the door and walks further into the office, taking a few envelopes out of his pocket. “As I’m sure you know, Connor and I had a mediation type meeting the other night where we sorted through the remaining aspects of our relationship. And I owe Connor some money, so I’m here to drop it off. I wrote it on the envelopes, but these are the checks for February’s rent and furniture for our apartment. I also brought some of his mail.”

“Yes, right,” Cornelius takes the envelope from Will. “Connor mentioned that. I’ll make sure to give it to him when he gets back, thanks.”

“Back?” A confused Will asks. “Back from where?”

“Ugh, I shouldn’t have said that.” Cornelius bows his head, before looking up. “But, it doesn’t concern you anyway, Dr. Halstead. You don’t get to ask those questions anymore.” He sneers. “My son dumped you, so consider yourself officially relived of the obligation of being concerned about him.”

“It was never an obligation,” Will tries to defend himself. “I love Connor.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Cornelius sarcastically replies. “If there’s nothing else, you can go.”

“Are you going to fire me?”

“Excuse me?” Cornelius asks, completely caught off guard.

“I broke Connor's heart,” Will explains. “and you’re pissed at me. Hate me even. Are you going to punish me by firing me?”

“No, I’m not, Dr. Halstead.” Cornelius replies, leaning back in his chair. “Although, if we're being honest, I _did_ think about it. Despite my personal feelings, you’re a good doctor. Plus, Connor didn’t want me to, he said that you’re an asset to the hospital. “

Will is taken aback. “He said that?”

“I was just as surprised,” Cornelius shrugs. “but Connor's a good guy and he wouldn’t allow personal feelings to dictate decisions regarding your career. The optics on that would be terrible for me as well. So don’t worry, Dr. Halstead, your job is safe.”

“Thank you.”

“I have to get back to work now,” Cornelius clicks open his pen. “I know you’ll be bringing me things for Connor in the future, so let’s try to limit our conversation when you do.”

Will nods. “Understood.”

He walks out, closing the door behind him, and exhales. That could’ve been worse.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, Wednesday, February 8, 2017, 10 A.M.**

It has been over a week since Will’s seen Connor at work. His dad made it sound like Connor went somewhere when they last spoke and Will hopes he’s alright.

He is in the living room preparing for a home visit from Logan’s DCFS case worker, Janet Morgan. It’s just a routine follow-up now that Logan’s been in Will’s care for a month.

“Logan’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth.” Ashley tells Will as she walks in the living room. “Are you sure you want me here for this home visit?”

“Absolutely.” Will assures her. “You’re Logan’s nanny and a big part of his life. You spend the most time with him when I’m not here so it’s important that the case worker meets you as well.”

“I appreciate you saying that, thanks.” She looks around, tapping her hand on her jeans. “I hate to pry, but can I ask you a question, Will?”

“Of course,” He sits on the edge on the couch. “what’s up?”

“I don’t wanna overstep or stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but on the subject of spending time with Logan when you’re not around, I’ve been getting a lot more hours lately and I’m not complaining because I love watching Logan.” Ashley tries to put this right way. “But, I also haven’t seen Connor around. When I first started, you guys were raising him together and I know it’s not business, but is everything ok with the two of you?”

“It’s not, actually.” Will sadly replies. “We broke up about two weeks ago and Connor moved out, so that’s why you haven’t seen him around.”

“Oh, wow.” Ashley tilts her head. “I’m so sorry to hear that, Will. It does explain your bare ring finger, though.”

He looks at the empty spot on his finger where his engagement ring once was. “Thank you. And yes, unfortunately, things just didn’t work out so now I’m just trying to figure out how to move on without him.”

“For what it’s worth,” Ashley leans on the couch. “I know how it feels to lose someone you love. Before I started working as a nanny, back when I was a teacher, I was married. He and I were crazy in love, just like you and Connor, and it ended in divorce.”

“I’m sorry,” Will crosses his arms. “how long has it been?”

“Almost a year,” Ashley replies. “That’s why I stopped teaching. After the divorce, I needed a change so I took time off to do some soul searching and decided to become a nanny.”

“Do you and your ex still talk?”

“Nope.” Ashley shakes her head. “I never signed a prenup so I took his cheating ass to the cleaners in the divorce. It got pretty nasty and he moved out of state afterwards, haven’t heard from him since.”

“He cheated on you?” Will’s eyes widen. “That’s terrible, I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.” Ashley half-smiles. “It’s pretty cliché, but he had an affair with a co-worker after I found out that I was unable to have children. We tried IVF, twice, but it didn’t work. We were considering adoption, but then he came home one day and told me that he cheated, that she was pregnant, and that he was leaving me for her.”

“Wow, Ashley,” Will tries to find the right words. “I’m very sorry. You’re a wonderful, sweet woman and you deserve better than that.”

“Thanks,” Ashley clears her throat. “I was always okay with adopting and my ex said he was too, but it turned out that he really wasn’t. So after the divorce, even though I always enjoyed teaching, I wanted to worked with kids on a more one-on-one basis so that’s why I became a nanny and started doing Early Intervention for children with special needs. My cousin has autism and it’s been a longtime passion of mine and now that I’m not teaching, I’m able to focus more on that.”

“That’s very noble work.” Will smiles. “It’s your ex’s loss because you may not be able to have children of your own, but you’re great with Logan, and I have no doubt that you’ll make a great mom to a lucky kid one day."

“Thank you.” Ashley replies as they hear a knock at the door.

“Oh, that must be the case worker. Can you go get Logan?”

“Sure.”

Will stands up and fixes his shirt before opening the door to reveal Logan’s DCFS case worker, Janet Morgan. She is wearing a dark blue pant suit.

“Ms. Morgan, hi.”

“Hello, Will.” Janet replies with a smile. “Please, call me Janet.”

Will nods. “Please, come on in.”

“A five year old definitely lives here.” Janet comments with a small laugh as she looks around and sees toys scattered on the floor.

“Ms. Janet!” Logan shouts as he comes running into the living room.

“Hi, sweetie,” Janet bends down to hug him. “how are you?”

“I’m good,” He replies, holding onto her shirt. “I’m happy to see you.”

“Me too, sweetie,” Janet smiles. “I came to check on how you’re doing with your dad.”

“I love it here.” Logan replies with excitement. “My dad’s awesome.”

“Hey,” Ashley walks into the living room carrying Lucky before setting him down. “don’t forget about us.”

“Oh, yeah,” Logan pets Lucky who then tries to lick Janet’s face. “Lucky’s my best friend and Ms. Ashley watches me when Dad’s at work.”

“Ashley Williams,” Ashley introduces herself as Janet stands up. “I’m Logan’s nanny, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Janet Morgan, Logan’s case worker from the Department of Child and Family Services.” Janet shakes her hand. “Pleasure to meet you, my dear.”

Will picks Logan up and puts him on his lap. “Why don’t you tell Ms. Janet about all the fun we have around here?”

“We watch _Power Rangers_ , _Modern Family_ , we color, we read. Ms. Ashley makes the most awesome grilled cheese sandwiches. And Dad makes the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Strawberry, not grape, I don’t like grape jelly.”

Everyone laughs over that. “And we sit in my room and look at the planets, read about the stars and the solar system, and watch YouTube videos about space. Do you wanna see my space room, Ms. Janet?”

“I’d love to, sweetie.”

“Come on.” Logan takes her hand and leads her to his room.

Will smiles as Logan disappears into his bedroom with Janet.

Twenty minutes later, Logan is in his room with Ashley and Will is talking with Janet.

“Everything appears to be order.” Janet looks over her notes. “Logan is thriving here with you, Will. He’s happy, he’s adjusted, you’ve provided a healthy and stable environment, and he has a routine that’s created a sense of normalcy for him. He’s also a really sweet kid with a fun personality. I’m very happy that things have worked out so well for both of you.”

“Thank you, Janet.”

“One other thing,” Janet pulls a set of papers out of her bag. “I have the paperwork that we discussed for Connor to legally adopt Logan as his son.”

Will sighs. _Wow, he had totally forgotten about that. That was something they discussed when Logan first came to live here._

“Speaking of,” Janet looks around. “how is your handsome fiancé?”

“I couldn’t tell you.” Will bites his lip. “Connor and I broke up recently. We called off our engagement and he moved out ”

“Oh, dear.” Janet adjusts her position. “I'm terribly sorry to hear that, Will.”

“Thank you, Janet.” Will tiles his head. “But, you know, things happen. And I just have to focus on being a good dad now.”

Janet puts the adoption papers back in her bag. “I wouldn’t have even brought up the adoption papers if I had known.”

Will puts his hand up. “You had no way of knowing. It’s a recent development so not everyone knows yet. I’m still adjusting myself to everything and to life without him.”

“Of course.” Janet picks up her bag. “Well, I don’t wanna take up anymore of your time so I’m gonna go say goodbye to Logan.”

“Goodbye?” Logan asks, as he walks into the room holding Ashley’s hand. “You’re leaving already, Ms. Janet?”

“I am, sweetie,” Janet replies, as he walks over to her. “I have to get back to work.”

Logan looks down sadly. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Aw, sweetie,” Janet takes his hand. “I will, too. But you’re in good hands here with your dad and Ms. Ashley.”

“Will you come back and see me soon?”

“I will.” Janet replies, as Logan leans in to give her a hug. “You’re a sweet boy, Logan. Never change.”

“It was nice to meet you, Janet.” Ashley says as Janet stands up.

“It was a pleasure, my dear,” Janet shakes her hand. “I’m glad Logan has you as his nanny.”

Ashley smiles. “Thanks.”

“Will,” Janet extends her hand. “Keep doing what you’re doing with Logan, I’ll be in touch in a few weeks to schedule another home visit. And hang in there, I know you’ll get through this tough time.”

Will shakes her hand. “Thank you.”

“Goodbye, Logan.” Janet bends down to hug him again. “Be good.”

“Bye, Ms. Janet.” Logan waves as she walks out.

“Hey buddy,” Will picks Logan up in his arms. “how about you, me, and Ms. Ashley have some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?”

“Strawberry jelly, right?”

Will and Ashley laugh. “You know it.”

“Yay!” Logan cheers as Will carries him into the kitchen.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 7 P.M.**

Connor is in the kitchen washing the dishes. After nine days away, he and Claire got back earlier this afternoon and Connor came right home to unpack and get ready for work tomorrow. They’ve been away at a cabin just outside the city where their parents used to take them when they were younger. Connor’s glad his sister convinced him to go away because it helped him find clarity and feel better.

He hears a knock at the door and wondering who it could be, he dries his hands and goes to answer it. He smiles when he opens the door to reveal his cousins John and Derrick. “Hey, guys, this is a surprise.”

“Hey, Connor,” John replies. “I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

“No, not at all.” Connor ushers them inside. “Please, come on in.”

“Sorry we didn’t call.”

“No worries, I’m glad to see you.” Connor points to the coat rack behind them. “You can hang your jackets up if you want."

“Oh, thanks.” They both do so and follow Connor into the living room. “We ran into your dad yesterday and he told us everything. Including that you and Claire were away.”

“I was away for work, Derek came with me, so we had no idea about anything,” John take a seat on the couch. “We are so sorry to hear you about you and Will.”

“We were shocked when your dad told us,” Derek sits next to his husband, with Connor sitting across from them. “how are you holding up?”

“It’s been tough, I’m not gonna lie,” Connor’s looks down at his fingers. “but the break up was ultimately my decision. Being a dad brought out a new side to Will that I didn’t recognize, the way he treated me is unforgivable, and I can’t be with someone like that. Logan was never going to be our son and I’m just glad it happened now before we got married.”

He takes a deep breath. “I was in a bad state emotionally after it happened, this was the worst thing that’s happened to me since my mom died. I just couldn’t get past everything, which is why Claire suggested she and I go away. It turned out to be a great idea because getting out of the city was exactly what I needed. I was able to clear my head, gather my thoughts, and find clarity and perspective. And now that I'm back I feel refreshed and in a better place emotionally. I just now have to adjust to life without Will.”

“That’s really great to hear, Connor.” John leans forward. “And we want you to know that we’re going to be here for you, for whatever you need. You were there for us during my attack and through my recovery and now we’re going to return the favor.”

“He’s right,” Derek puts his arm around John. “You’re family, Connor, and you were there for us when we needed you most and now it’s our turn to do the same.”

Connor smiles, grateful to have the support of his cousins. “Thanks, guys. That means a lot and I appreciate it.”

“You should come over for dinner this week.” Derek suggests. “What do you think, babe?”

John turns to his husband. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“I’d like that, but are you sure I won’t be interrupting your week?” Connor bites his lips. “I mean, I know you guys have your own lives.”

“Connor,” John stands up and goes to sit next to Connor. “You’re our cousin, so no matter what you think, you are a part of our lives and therefore could never be an interruption. We said we’d be there for you and we meant it. We won’t let you sit around and be sad, either, even if that means we have to drag you out kicking and screaming.”

Connor chuckles as Derek comes to sit on the other side of him. “I know you and I are only related through marriage, and not blood, but it feels otherwise because we got so close during John’s attack and recovery. I love you, Connor, we both do, and we’re gonna help you get through this.”

Connor hugs both of them. “I love you guys, too.”

“Good, then it’s settled.” Derrick and John return to their seats. “Let us know your schedule and we’ll plan dinner.”

“Sounds good.”

With all this support, maybe moving on won’t be so hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	61. Hitting Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, the next morning (Thursday), 9 A.M.**

Bag slung over his shoulder, Connor walks through the ER entrance doors.

“Good morning, Maggie.”

“Good morning.” Maggie greets him with a smile. “Welcome back, how are you doing?”

“I’m good, thanks.” He leans against the front desk. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Maggie yawns. “just a little tired.”

“Everything good while I was gone?”

“Yeah, we kept it under control.” Maggie replies, checking her phone. “We missed you though. Was the time away with your sister helpful?”

“Thanks, Maggie.” Connor smiles. “And yes, it was. It helped to get away and clear my head.”

“I’m glad you’re back.” Maggie sweetly replies. “I was worried about you, but I knew your sister would take care of you.”

“Yeah, we had great some bonding time, and she really helped me sort through a lot of the emotions I was struggling with.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Maggie puts her hand on top of his. “Anything you need, don’t hesitate to come to me.”

“I appreciate that, Maggie, thanks.” Connor taps his hand on the desk. “I gotta go up and see my dad before my shift starts, but how about we grab lunch?”

“Perfect, we’ll talk food options later.”

Connor chuckles. “Sounds like a plan.”

He heads into the break room to put his stuff down before heading upstairs to see his dad.

The office door is open and Connor sees his dad on the phone. He knocks on the open door to get his dad’s attention.

Cornelius looks up and waves Connor in. “Yes, ok. Let me call you back, alright? Ok, thanks, bye.” He hangs up and stands up. “Sorry about that.”

He walks from behind his desk and pulls his son into a big hug. “It’s so good to have you back, Connor. How are you?”

“I’m good, Dad,” They break their hug and Connor takes a seat. “I’m glad to be back, I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, son.” Cornelius pats his son’s knee, as he sits on the edge of his desk. “How was your time at the cabin with Claire?”

“It was great, it was exactly what I needed to help me.” Connor leans back. “It was good to get out of the city, to be away from everything for a while so I could work through my feelings. Once I dealt with that, I was able to find clarity and much needed perspective on the situation. I feel refreshed and much better than I did before we left. It still hurts, but not like it did. Claire was amazing the whole time, too. She sat with me, listened to me, and was there whenever I needed her.”

“I’m very happy to hear that,” Cornelius smiles. “I knew it was a good idea when your sister recommended it. Claire reminds me so much of your mom, she has the same kind, nurturing nature that your mother did. She always knows the right thing to say or do, so I knew she’d be the perfect company for you. That and Claire loves you very much.”

Connor smiles. “That reminds me, thank you for talking Ms. Goodwin into letting me take all these days off. I’m sure it wasn’t easy since it was so spur of the moment.”

“I don’t want you to take what I’m about to say as me reverting back to my old ways because it’s not.” Cornelius clears his throat. “I respect Ms. Goodwin and her position here, but you were getting these days off whether she liked it or not. I’m the chairman of the hospital board, I’m her boss, and I’m in charge of this whole hospital so you were getting those days off no matter what. And that’s me speaking as your father who loves you and knew you needed that time off, not as the ruthless man I used to be.”

“I understand, Dad.”

“Ok, good.” Cornelius turns around and picks up some envelopes from his desk. “Will dropped off a bunch of stuff while you were away. He said two were checks for money he owed you, the envelopes are marked, and the rest is your mail.”

“Thanks.” Connor takes the envelopes from his dad. “He’s gonna keep bringing stuff here for me, I hope that’s okay.”

“Not a problem, I’m here for whatever you need.” Cornelius replies. “And I mean that. Now that you’ve started healing, the pain’s gonna come in waves and when it does, you’re free to call me or just come over. You’re my son and I love you too much to let you go through this alone.”

“Thanks, Dad. I love you too.” Connor replies, as he stands up and checks his watch. “I should get downstairs before the ER gets busy.”

Connor hugs his dad. “Stop by before you leave tonight.”

“I will.”

Connor walks out and Cornelius walks back behind his desk and takes a seat. He’s glad Connor is doing better, but he knows that the road ahead of him is going to be long and hard.

Arriving back downstairs at the break room, Connor walks in and sees Natalie eating at the table.

“Hey, Nat.”

“Connor!” She gets up and hugs him. “I’m so happy you’re back, how are you?”

Connor pours himself a cup of coffee. “I’m good, much better. How are you?”

“I’m good, but I missed you. How was your trip?”

“Aw, I missed you, too.” Connor takes a seat next to her. “My trip was good. Claire and I had some good brother-sister bonding time and I was able to work through a lot of what I’ve been dealing with. I feel better. How’s Owen?”

“He’s good.” Natalie takes a bite of her bagel. “I’m really glad you’re doing better and that trip helped.”

“Thanks, Nat.” Connor smiles. “How’s Jeff? How are things going with you two?”

“Very well.” Natalie replies with a smile. “I introduced him to Helen last week and she surprisingly really liked him, which was good.”

“So do you think you guys might take the next step soon and move in together?”

“I’m not sure.” Natalie hesitantly replies. “I don’t know if we’re ready to live together yet, but we’ve been talking about exchanging keys.”

“That’s great,” Connor leans back in his chair, sipping his coffee. “It’s good to see you happy.”

“Thanks, Connor. I just wish you and Will were happy, too.”

Connor looks at her sadly as the door opens and in walks Will.

“Connor, you’re back.”

“Hi, Will.”

Natalie looks between the two of them. “I’m gonna give the two of you some privacy.”

She grabs her bagel and coffee and quickly leaves.

Will leans against the counter. “So, do I get to ask where you were? Your dad wouldn’t tell me.”

“When Claire and I were younger, our parents used to take us away to a cabin outside the city in the winter. So, per Claire’s suggestion, we were there for nine days so I could get away from everything and get a chance to deal with what’s happened. Clear my head and free my mind.”

“Did it help?”

“It did.”

“Well, that’s good.” Will awkwardly replies. “I left some of your mail with your dad, as well as the check for February’s rent and a check for the apartment furniture.”

“I was just up there and he gave it all to me, thank you.”

“Also,” Will reaches into his pocket and pulls out another envelope. “I was gonna leave this with your dad, but since I saw you first, I’ll just give it to you now.”

Connor takes the envelope from Will. “What is this for?”

“Reimbursement for the ticket for my college reunion on Saturday night.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Connor nods, opening the envelope. “At the Omni Hotel. I can’t believe the reunion’s Saturday night, that came fast.”

“It did. You had insisted on paying for your own admission ticket, but since we broke up and you’re obviously not coming with me anymore, I figured the least I could do is pay you back.”

“Thanks.” Connor puts the envelope in his pocket. “Are you still going?”

“I’m not sure yet.” Will sighs. “You know, Logan’s case worker from DCFS came by yesterday for a home visit and she brought the papers for you to adopt Logan as your son.”

“Oh, yeah... wow.” Connor’s eyes widen. “I forgot all about that.”

“I did, too.” Will takes a seat across from Connor. “It really hit home and showed me how far we fell.”

“I know what you mean.” Connor looks down. “Listen, Will, when I was away, I found some much needed clarity and perspective on things. I realized that if we’re going to move on, we need to find a way to get along for the sake of our jobs. I don’t want to transfer hospitals and I don’t think you do either, so we have to put our personal issues aside and work together for the sake of the patients and the hospital. We’re simply exes who work together, nothing more, so let’s just agree to keep it professional. What do you say?”

“Nothing more,” Will repeats. “so that does mean you have no interest in being friends?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t.” Connor exhales sharply. “At least not right now. I’m not trying to be hurtful, but I have to be honest.”

“I understand,” Will nods, trying to hide his pain. “so yeah, I agree to be professional and get along for the sake of our jobs.”

“Great.” Connor stands up, grabbing his coffee. “I’m gonna go find Ethan. I’ll see you later.”

Connor walks out and Will sighs. He knew Connor would probably not want to be friends, but damn, it stings.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 4 P.M.**

Connor steps off the elevator and walks towards Susan’s hospital room. He hasn't seen Diane and Susan since before he went away and he hopes Susan’s doing well.

He walks to the room to find the door open. Knocking on the door, he sees Diane sitting next to an empty bed.

“Diane!” A panicked Connor enters the room. “Where’s Susan? Is she alright?”

“Connor, hi.” Diane stands up, putting her magazine on the chair. “Susan’s fine, she’s getting some blood work done.”

“Oh, thank goodness.” Connor breathes a sigh of relief. “I know I haven’t been around, so I saw her bed empty and my mind just went to the worst place.”

“Don’t worry, she’s good, Connor.” Diane puts her hand on his shoulder. “This new drug trial that’s she on is working. It’s slowing down the progress of her cancer and stopping it from spreading, but it’s very hard on her body.”

“That’s the unfortunate part,” Connor bites his lip. “but it’s great that it’s working for her cancer without requiring surgery.”

“The good with the bad, right?” Diane shrugs her shoulders. “I’m just grateful Susan is getting better.”

Connor looks down. “I'm sorry I haven’t been around.”

“Your dad told me about your breakup with Will,” Diane takes his hand and leads him to a seat. “I figured that’s why we haven’t seen either of you lately.”

“Will hasn’t been around?”

“Just once.” Diane replies. “Will came to check on Susan about a week or so ago and when he was leaving, I asked him about your breakup but he didn’t wanna talk about it.”

“Sometimes things aren’t meant to be, you know?” Connor says, the sadness so clear in his voice. “Will and I just had issues that we couldn’t get through.”

“I’m sorry, honey.” Diane sympathetically replies. “Maybe one day you'll find your way back to each other.”

“Yeah,” Connor clicks his tongue. “I don’t think so. But anyway, when will Susan be back? I want to see her.”

“Did I hear my name?”

Diane and Connor look up and see Susan being wheeled into the room in a wheelchair by a female nurse.

“There she is!”

“Connor, it’s so good to see you.”

Connor walks over and bends down to hug Susan. “You, too. Diane tells me the drug trial is working and you’re kicking this cancer’s ass.”

Susan chuckles. “I don’t know about that, but it is working.”

“Can I help you onto the bed, Ms. Winters?” The nurse offers.

“I’ll be okay, thanks.”

“Yeah, we got her.” Diane tells the nurse and looks at Connor who nods. “Thank you.”

The nurse nods and walks out.

Connor and Diane help Susan onto the bed and after doing so, Susan smiles. “I’m so happy you’re here, Connor. I was thinking about you and Will the other day and about how this drug trial is giving me a fighting chance of making it to your wedding. Or at least to your engagement party."

Connor is completely stunned by Susan’s words. He feels his heart break at her sweetness and sincerity, she clearly doesn’t know that he and Will broke up.

Connor plants a fake smile on his face and looks at Diane. “Excuse us one second, Susan.”

He makes a motion with his hand to Diane, who follows him into the hallway. Susan grabs the remote to turn the television on.

Closing the door, Connor turns to Diane. “You didn’t tell her that Will and I broke up?”

“No, I didn’t.” Diane sighs. “I meant to, I really did. But the chemo and the radiation from the drug trial are so hard on her body, so draining. She loves you guys, your relationship gives her hope and something to be invested in & happy about while she’s stuck here going through this hell, and I didn’t wanna take that away from her. I should’ve told her though, I’m sorry.”

“I understand.” Connor takes a deep breath. “But she needs to know. Will you come in and tell her with me?”

“Yeah,” Diane solemnly replies. “let’s go.”

They walk back into the room, attempting to break this to Susan in the gentlest way possible.

 **Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 7 P.M**.

“Go wash up, buddy.” Will tells Logan as he puts the dirty dishes in the sink. “Now that dinner’s over, we can have milk and Oreos while we watch television.”

“Okay, Daddy.” Logan hops down from the kitchen counter. “Come on, Lucky.”

Lucky barks and follows Logan as he disappears into the other room. Will grabs some paper towels to clean the counter when he hears a knock at the door.

Quickly drying his hands, he goes to answer the door and is completely taken aback when he sees his ex-boyfriend, James Phillips. He looks just as good as the last time Will saw him, in New York City, in the spring: tall, slightly tan with a muscular build, slightly spiked dirty blonde hair, dark eyes, and 5 o’clock shadow wearing a pair of black jeans, a gray t-shirt, and a black leather jacket.

“Ja-Jam-James…” Will struggles to get his words out. “what are you doing here?”

“Hey, Will.” James flashes Will a smile, showing his white teeth. “I’m in town and I thought I’d stop and say hi to you and Connor while I’m here. I hope you didn't mind.”

“I…I…”

Before Will can reply, Lucky comes running towards the door.

“Aw, you guys got a dog,” James bends down to pet Lucky. “he’s so cute. What’s his name?”

“Uh, Lucky,” Will nervously replies, leaning against the door as he looks towards the bathroom knowing Logan will be emerging any second. “Uh, James, right not really isn’t a good time. Connor and I are…”

Unable to finish his sentence, Will hears the door to the bathroom open and Logan walks into the kitchen, freshly washed and in his pajamas. “I’m all clean, Dad. Are we ready for milk and cookies?”

“Whoa!” James exclaims in shock. “ ** _Dad?!_** "

Will looks between James and Logan, this was not what he expected.

“Will, what’s going on?”

“Dad,” Logan points to James, who is still standing in the doorway. “who is he?”

Will sighs. “Come on in, James, and I’ll explain everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	62. Revisiting the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, the next morning (Friday), 9 A.M.**

Connor is sitting in the break room, picking at his egg and cheese sandwich and coffee. Susan was so upset to hear about his break up with Will, she cried, and Connor feels so terrible. Maybe Diane was right, maybe it was better that she didn’t know with everything that she’s going through.

His thoughts are interrupted by Ethan walking in. “Good morning, buddy.”

“Hey, Ethan.” Connor looks up. “Good morning.”

“Are you ok?” Ethan asks, noticing the distress on Connor’s face.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Connor picks a piece of egg from his sandwich and eats it. “How’s everything with you and Melissa?”

Ethan joins Connor at the table. “Everything's good. Your dad set up a meeting with the hospital board on Wednesday and they officially approved our relationship.”

“That’s great, buddy.” Connor slaps him on the shoulder. “I’m really happy to hear that.”

“Thanks,” Ethan smiles. “we’re both relieved that’s out of the way so we can focus on each other.”

“And that’s going well, too?”

“Very well.” Ethan enthusiastically replies. “Melissa’s unlike any other woman I’ve ever met. We connect in a way I never have with anyone before and she really gets me. I could spend hours talking to her about the most random, nonsensical things, looking into her beautiful eyes, or just laying with her in complete silence. I used to hate silence, but not with Melissa. And it’s not awkward silence, it’s completely comfortable.”

“Sounds like someone’s quite smitten.”

“I guess I am, everything just feels so natural, you know?” Ethan grins. “She’s awakened this part of myself that’s been dormant all these years, I feel like there's a woman who understands and accepts, and might even love me, just the way I am.”

“I’ve experienced that before, both with Will and the guy I was before Will, and it’s an amazing feeling that doesn’t compare to anything else.” Connor grips his coffee in his hand. “You completely deserve that, Ethan, and I’m glad you’re experiencing it.”

“I’m sorry.” Ethan shakes his head. “Man, here I am going on about my love life while you’re dealing with your break up.”

“No, please don't apologize,” Connor insists. “This is what I want to hear, my friends experiencing these amazing things that I’ve been lucky enough to experience myself.”

“Thanks.” Ethan leans back, holding his coffee in his hand. “How are you holding with everything?”

“Moving on is an ongoing process, but I’m doing alright. My sister’s been great, and so has my dad, and my cousins John and Derek.”

“I know it must be awkward because I’m still friends with Will.” Ethan tries to explain. “I didn’t, and don’t, want to choose a side, but that doesn’t mean I’m not here to support you.”

“I know,” Connor nods. “You don't have to explain. I know that our breakup puts everyone here in awkward position and I don’t expect anyone to choose a side.”

“You know, I have a bunch of friends from my time in the military who are gay. They’re really great guys, so if you ever wanna be set up, just let me know.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet,” Connor sips his coffee. “but I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

“Well, then how about you join me and Melissa for dinner sometime?” Ethan suggests. “I’d love for you and Melissa to get to know each other better .”

Connor smiles. “Yeah, sure, I’d like that.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, Rooftop, 1 P.M.**

Will and Maggie are sitting on the roof having lunch.

“Wait,” Maggie puts her hand up. “so you’re going to your college reunion tomorrow night with James?”

“Yeah,” Will casually replies as he takes a bite of his pizza. “James is in town from New York City setting up his law firm’s Chicago office and he had no idea there was a reunion when I mentioned it. He checked the website and there were no tickets left so he bought Connor’s ticket from me and we’re gonna go together.”

“James,” Maggie repeats. “your really hot, newly single from what you mentioned, ex-boyfriend is your date to your college reunion?”

“Oh, Maggie, don’t be silly.” Will laughs at the idea. “James is not my date. Yes, he and Brian broke up, but we’re going as friends and it’s only because we don’t anyone else who’s gonna be there.”

Maggie eats a French fry. “How did he react when he found about Logan?”

“To say he was stunned would be an understatement, the look on his face when he heard Logan call me 'Dad' was one of pure shock.” Will tells Maggie. “But, I explained everything to him and he was very supportive. I also told him about my breakup with Connor, which he was very sorry to hear about.”

Maggie takes a bite of her pizza. “Were you happy to see James?”

“Happy wouldn’t be the right word.” Will tries to deflect the question. “Surprised would be the better way to describe it. After I saw James in New York City last spring, I never thought I’d see him again. And then there he was standing on my doorstep last night.”

Maggie raises her eyebrows. “Still doesn’t answer my question.”

“Fine, you could say that it was nice to see James.” Will relents. “He certainly looks very good.”

“You still have feelings for him, don't you?”

“What? No!” A shocked Will replies. “I got over James a long time ago. He and I have history, but that ship sailed eight years ago. The only person I still have feelings for, that I’m still in love with, is Connor.”

“Will, honey,” Maggie reaches for his hand. “I don’t know everything about your past with James because you’ve been pretty tight lipped about it, but from what you've told me now, you and James had something very special, similar to what you and Connor had. I just want you to be careful before you go to the reunion with him tomorrow because revisiting the past like that might reopen old wounds that you probably prefer not to reopen. Especially while you’re still dealing with your breakup with Connor."

“Thank you, Maggie, but it’s fine. James and I have both long since moved on.” Will smiles. “I appreciate your concern though. To be honest, I was a little worried that I’d lose you as a friend when Connor and I broke up.”

“Hey, you’re an honorary member of the Lockwood family, so you can’t get off the hook that easy.” They both laugh as she squeezes his hand. “But seriously, no matter what happens between you and Connor, we will always be friends.”

He leans in to give her a hug, grateful that Maggie and their other co-workers haven’t let the breakup get in the way of their respective friendships.

**Scene : Omni Hotel, Saturday night, 5 P.M.**

Will, wearing a black button-down dress shirt with gray slacks, is standing outside the hotel waiting for James. Logan is staying with Jay and Erin tonight in case the reunion runs long and/or Will wants to stay out late.

He smiles politely at some familiar faces as they enter the hotel and he checks his phone to see if he has a text from James.

“Will.”

He looks up and sees James walking towards him. He’s wearing a navy blue button-down dress shirt with black slacks and Will has to admit that he looks great.

“Sorry, I couldn’t fit a parking spot.”

“No worries.” Will looks around as some more people enter. “Ready to go in?”

“Absolutely.” James enthusiastically replies. “Lead the way.”

They turn and enter the hotel where there college reunion is being held. Time to revisit their past.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 6 P.M.**

“Goodnight, Maggie.” Connor calls as he walks by the front desk.

“Goodnight, Connor.” Maggie responds, looking up from the computer. “Any plans tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m having dinner with my cousins John and Derek.” Connor turns around. “I drove in my with my dad this morning so they’re picking me up. They should be outside, actually.”

“That’s great, have fun. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

Connor walks through the ER doors and sees John and Derek waiting for him.

“There he is!”

“Hey guys, good to see you.” Connor hugs them. “Thanks for picking me up, I drove to work with my dad today so I didn’t have a car to come meet you.”

“Not a problem, cousin.” John pats him on the shoulder. “We’re glad to see you.”

“And we hope you’re hungry,” Derek adds as they walks towards the car. “because John and I are starving.”

John takes the alarm off the car. “I am.”

“Great, what are you in the mood?” Derek asks, opening his car door.

“I’m down for whatever you guys want.” Connor replies, as he opens the back door and tosses his bag on the seat. “As long as it’s not sushi, I hate sushi.”

John laughs as they all get into the car. “Sounds good. Let’s our cousin’s Saturday night begin.”

They all smile as John drives off.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, Saturday night, 10 P.M.**

Will and James enter the apartment and Will flips on the lights. “I am so sorry I spilled wine all on your shirt. I am going put in the laundry for you and try to get the stain out.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Will.” James looks at the red wine stain on his shirt. “I’ve had my fair share of stains in the past.”

“I insist, that’s why we came back here.” Will hangs up his jacket. “It won’t take long, I’ll give you a shirt of mine to wear in the meantime.”

“Fine.” James relents, undoing the buttons on his shirt and taking it off. He is left clad in a white undershirt that shows off his muscular body, which Will cannot take his eyes off of.

“See something you like?”

“Huh?” An embarrassed Will blushes as James hands him his shirt. “Oh, um, sorry. I just…you look good.”

James puts his hands in pockets and grins. “Thanks.”

Will clears his throat. “Um, you still wear a large, right?”

“I do.”

Will nods. “I’ll be right back.”

Will disappears into the room and emerges three minutes later carrying a black, long sleeve shirt. “Here you go, this should fit. Your shirt in the washer now.”

James takes the long-sleeve shirt from Will and pulls it over it his head. “Perfect fit, thanks.”

Will smiles. “So, why don’t you take a seat on the couch and I’ll get us something to drink.”

“Not wine, I hope.” James teases.

“Not wine.” Will chuckles, as he walks into the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. “I can you offer you a juice box, a water, or some milk. Having a five-year-son doesn’t leave me with many beverage options.”

James laugh. “I'll go with water, thanks.”

Will nods and grabs two waters before joining James in the living room. Handing James his water, he sits next to him on the couch.

“I didn’t look around much the other night, but this is a really nice apartment, Will. Very open and spacious.”

“Thanks.” Will opens his water. “This was actually the apartment that I picked out for Connor and me, but since that didn’t work out, it’s just me and Logan here now.”

Lucky comes running into the room and barks. “And of course, Lucky, too. I could never forget him, Logan loves this little guy even more than I do.”

“He is adorable.” James bends down to pet Lucky, who licks his hand. “You know, Will, I’m really proud of you.”

“For what?”

“For everything you’ve done for Logan. You’ve taken on the responsibility of being Logan’s parent in the absence of his mom. The way you stepped up to be there for him after losing her was a really noble thing to do and not something everyone would do. You’ve embraced fatherhood and what it means to have a son. And if what I saw the other night with you and Logan is any indication, you’re a complete natural when it comes to being a parent.”

“That means a lot coming from you, James, thank you.” Will smiles. “You know, I never thought I was cut out to be a father. I never ever wanted kids. But, Logan coming into my life changed everything because for the first time, I had someone’s needs to put before my own. I love him, I want to protect him, teach him, raise him right, and never let him go. He’s a part of me and I can’t imagine life with him.”

“I always thought you’d make a great father, Will.” James sweetly replies. “When we were together, I always saw beneath that tough exterior where there was a kind and generous man with a heart full of love underneath.”

“Not many people see beneath my tough exterior,” Will sadly laments. “but I’m glad you did.”

“I always knew who you were deep down, Will. That’s why I fell in love with you.”

Unsure of how to respond, Will is saved by the sound of the washer. “That’s your shirt, I’ll be right back.”

As Will walks away, James sighs. Maybe he’s been misreading the signs all night and Will doesn’t still have feelings for him.

Returning two minutes later, Will rejoins James on the couch. “Your shirt’s in the dryer now, shouldn’t be much longer.” He sips his water, desperate to shift the conversation from the previous topic. “So, did you have a good time at the reunion?”

“I did.” James replies. “It was nice to see some of our old classmates and professors. Thank you for coming with me, I wouldn’t have wanted to go alone.”

“Same here. I’m just surprised you didn’t know about it.”

“I remembered after I was here the other night that I did hear about it about a few months ago when I was still dating Brian. We were supposed to go together, but once we broke up, I decided to pass on it. It must’ve slipped my mind.”

“That reminds me,” Will clears his throat. “I’m sorry to hear about you and Brian. I know how tough breakups can be.”

“Thank you, but don’t be. It’s for the best.” James sips his water. “Brian is a nice, handsome kid. But he was just too immature. We broke up a few months after we ran into you in New York City.”

“Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.”

They sat in silence for about two minutes when the dryer beeps. “There’s your shirt, I’ll be right back.”

Disappearing into the other room, Will re-emerges two minutes later with James’ shirt.

“The wine stain is completely gone.” Will hands James his shirt.

James takes the shirt from Will. “Wow, that’s great. Thank you.” He pulls the shirt Will gave him over his head. “Let me give this back to you, thanks.”

Will nods, this time casually checking James out as he puts his shirt back on and buttons it.

“Mmm, fresh laundry smell. My favorite.”

Will laughs. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Will suppress another laugh. “I just remembered when we got caught making out in the laundry room at Marisa Bates’ party junior year.”

“Oh, right!” James snaps his fingers. “Wow, I haven’t thought about that in years. That was right after we confessed our feelings for each other for the first time.”

“Marisa was my only friend who knew I liked guys and she convinced me to tell you I liked you.” Will tells James. “I was so nervous, but she assured me that her gaydar told her you were gay, too. And then after we confessed that we liked each other, the laundry room was the only place we were able to find to have privacy because we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”

“Well, I’m glad she did that.” James smirks. “Although, I don’t think Marisa expected to walk in and find us making out on top of the washer and dryer.”

Will laughs. “I don’t think so, either.”

Deciding to take the leap, James shifts his position to face Will and ask a question to get the ball rolling. “Do you ever think about our past, Will?”

“In what way?”

“I don't know...” James bites his lip. “Like, in a nostalgic way?”

“Not really.” Will tries to evade the question. “I prefer to focus on the present. I have enough to deal with in the present with my breakup with Connor that just happened.”

“Of course,” James nods. “and I’m so sorry about that. I saw your love firsthand so this must be a very difficult time for you.”

“Thanks, it's very hard.” Will looks down. “But, you know, Logan coming into my life changed everything. Shifted my priorities and caused me to make mistakes that resulted in us losing our way.”

“You can't put it all on yourself, Will.” James tries to put this the right way. “A relationship is about two people and both of those people play a part in its dissolution.”

“You're wrong, it wasn't Connor.” Will's voice rises as he gets defensive. “I pushed him away with my actions, it was all me.”

“I'm sorry, Will, I'm not trying to upset you or talk bad about Connor because I think he's a good guy.” James tries to explain. “Yes, you made mistakes, but it sounds like Connor didn't fight for you or for your relationship and instead gave in to what was happening.” He hesitates to finish his sentence. “I know from experience because I didn't fight for you and let our relationship fall apart right in front of my eyes when I should've stopped it.”

"Wait...what?" A caught off guard Will cocks his head to the side. "What are you saying, James?"

James sighs. “I'm saying that I should've fought for you, Will. I never should've chosen going to NYU Law school over you and the future we had discussed.”

“But it was your dream.”

“No, _you_ were my dream, Will, but I couldn’t see it at the time.” James emphasizes his words. “A life and a future with you was my dream. NYU was just a school, I could’ve gone to law school here in Chicago.

“James…I…” Will stammers, trying to process what he is hearing. “I…I can’t believe you’re saying this.”

“I think about it all the time, Will.” James sets his water on the coffee table. “How I wish I could go back in time and do things differently, never leave, so we could be together.”

“James, wow.” Will stands up, running his hands through his hair. All of these emotions, his feelings for James he buried so deep, are making their way to the surface. “It's been…it’s been eight years since we broke up. You left to New York for law school and that was it.”

“I know and it was the stupidest decision I ever made. I just got so wrapped in the excitement of getting into NYU that I was too blind to see what I losing. The excitement wore off and the reality finally hit me by my third year of law school. I realized what a colossal mistake I had made, but by then it was too late.” James shakes his head. “I chose law school over you and I made matters even worse by stupidly resenting you for not following me to New York when I never should've left in the first place. When I look back at my life, my biggest regret is leaving and giving up on what we had.”

“I...I...I...” Will nervously paces, trying to find his words as all of this emotion is hitting him at once. “This is a lot to take in. Connor and I broke up two weeks ago and now here you are saying all these things.”

“I'm sorry.” James stands up. “Maybe I should go.”

“Wait, no.” Will puts his hand on James’ shoulder and there's electricity in his touch, which they both feel. “Don’t go.”

James sits back down and Will leans over the couch. All of his feelings for James, the ones he worked for years to bury until they practically disappeared, have now been officially reawakened. Maggie was right, he does still have feelings for James. “You’re being honest and I think I owe you the same. There have been three times in my life where the pain was so brutal that I was unsure how I was ever going to move on: when my mom died, when you and I broke up, and now that Connor and I have broken up. I was so excited our future after graduation, James, and finding out you got into and were going to NYU felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. It was as if our relationship, our love, and the time we were together, for over a year, meant nothing that you could so easily up and leave it all behind. The part that hurt the most was that you didn’t seem to care, it was like you weren’t affected by the fact that going to NYU would break up our relationship.”

“Oh, Will.” James sighs deeply. “I know that it felt that way, and I’m sorry, but it wasn’t true. I cared about losing you, but as much as I hate to admit it, I cared more about going to NYU at the time. I was a dumb kid when we broke up who was completely wrong and selfish. I tried to show you that I cared by asking you to move to New York City, but that was very unfair, and just made you resent me further.”

Will takes a seat on the couch next to James and takes a deep breath. “I didn't just resent you for leaving and asking me to uproot my life and follow you, I also resented you for screwing up the plans we had for our future. We had discussed starting our lives together after graduation and I wanted that more than anything. I thought we'd spend the summer looking for a place so that by the time the fall arrived, we'd be living together for when I started med school and you started law school. The first real step towards the future I thought we both wanted. I resented you for taking that away because I really loved you, James.”

James swallows hard, at a loss of words. “Will...I had no idea. You never said anything.”

“I know.” Will won't make eye contact with James. “I was too proud. I wouldn’t let you leave knowing I cared about our breakup more than you did. Or at least more than I thought you did at the time. It took me years to get over our breakup and losing you felt like it does now that I’ve lost Connor. I thought we had something special, I thought you were the one, and I was in a bad place for a while after you left. So much that I started to question my sexuality again for a few years after our break up, which is what led me to sleeping with Logan's mom. Once I finally realized that I was indeed gay, I dated and tried to move on, but I always carried a torch for you. I hoped that somehow we’d find our way back to each and that future together we planned. But then Connor came along and he reawakened a part of myself that I hadn’t felt since you and I had been together. I was happy and in love again. So when I saw you in New York in the spring, I realized that I had finally, truly moved on. Or at least I thought I had until tonight.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” Will swallows a lump in his throat. “that despite my best efforts to bury them as deep down as possible, I still have feelings for you, James. I always have, tonight just reignited them.”

Unable to contain a smile, James turns to Will and reaches for his hand. Will is hesitant at first, but gives in. “Will, you’re the guy who got away and all these years, I’ve looked for you in the guys I’ve dated. But no one has ever come close because you are special and one of a kind.”

Will looks down. “Connor wouldn’t agree.”

James lifts Will's chin to make him look at him. Will’s eyes are glassy and James wipes his tears away with his finger. “You are way too handsome to stain that beautiful face with tears.”

Will laughs and James squeezes his hand. “You screwed up, we all do, but that doesn’t mean you’re not special.” He reaches his hand out and strokes Will’s cheek. “You're the most special guy I've ever met, Will, and I'm so sorry I ever let you go.”

Will looks into James' sparkling eyes and feels his heart flutter, all of this talk has rekindled everything between them.

“I forgot what gorgeous eyes you have, Will.”

Holding hands with James stroking Will's cheek, they are unable to fight it any longer and lean in towards each other. Their lips meet for a soft, delicate kiss that feels right to both of them.

James exhales. “That was nice.”

“It was.” Will looks at James before giving into his desire and pulling James against him. Their lips crush together in a passionate kiss and they fall back onto the couch with James’ arms wrapped around Will’s waist.

“Wait,” A breathless James pulls away. “what about Logan?”

“He's staying with my brother tonight.” Will stands up and takes James' hand. “Let's go someplace more comfortable.”

A grinning James follows Will to the bedroom where they immediately fall onto the bed locked in a heated kiss.

They quickly remove their shirts so it is skin against skin as James and Will grind against each other. Will runs his hands over James’ body as he takes the opportunity to feel all of his muscles as well as his abs. With a perfectly chiseled body, James is be the hottest guy Will has ever dated and here he is in bed with him. It must be his lucky day.

“Will,” James asks in between kisses. “do you have protection?”

“I do. Top or bottom?”

“I’m versatile, babe.” James pants. “Don’t you remember?”

“Just checking.” Will smirks. “This is going to be a fun night.”

James bites Will’s ear as they remove their pants and press their boxer-clad erections together.

“Oh, God.” Will moans as James licks the nape of his neck. “You keep that up and I’m not gonna last much longer.”

“Don’t you worry.” James gives Will a kiss. “We've got all night to go as many times as we need to.”

“I like the sound of that.”

They both shed their remaining clothing and James pulls Will against him for a deep kiss with their erections touching.

Will reaches into the nightstand drawer and pulls out condoms and lube for what turns out to be an incredible night together. James is such a gentle and passionate lover who makes Will feel amazing whether he’s on top or bottom. Maybe everything worked out to bring them here, Connor and Will’s breakup and James returning when he did because this is where Will was supposed to be all along. Maybe eight years later they’re meant to be back together, but all of that could be figured out tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	63. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, the next morning (Sunday), 7 A.M.**

As the light shines in through the bedroom blinds, Will opens his eyes and looks over to see James asleep next to him. He smiles at James’ handsome face as his thoughts return to last night. It was certainly unexpected the way they opened up to each other and wound up having sex, but what did it all mean?

James groans and stretches, opening his eyes.

“Good morning.”

Will yawns. “Good morning.”

“How long have you been up?” A groggy James blinks to adjust to the light. “What time is it?”

“Just a minute or two,” Will looks at the clock on his nightstand. “and it is 7:05.”

“Oh shit!” James exclaims, getting up and wrapping himself in the sheet. “I have to find my clothes.”

A confused Will sits up. “James, what’s wrong?”

“I have a conference call with my New York office at 8:30,” James tells Will as he stands up and put on his boxers and slacks from last night. “and I still have to get back to my hotel to change and grab my briefcase.”

James stands up, pulling his undershirt over his head. “Damn it, I was supposed to set my alarm, but completely forgot.”

“Um,” Will puts his feet on the floor and puts his boxers and undershirt on. “do you want some breakfast before you go? Or some coffee?”

“No, thank you. I don’t have time.” James scans the floor. “Have you seen my shirt?”

Standing up and walking towards his dresser, Will looks around and points. “Over by the bathroom door.”

“Ah, yes,” James walks over and picks up his shirt, quickly putting it on and buttoning it up. “thanks.”

A now dressed Will turns to face James. “Are you sure I can't get you something before you go?”

“I’m sure, thanks.” James checks his pockets to make sure he has his phone, wallet, and keys. “I’ll get something on the way.”

“Ok,” Will replies, putting his hands in his jeans pockets. This is certainly an awkward morning after. “At least let me walk you out.”

James nods as they head out of the bedroom and towards the front door.

“Do you know where I put my jacket?”

“On the hook,” Will gestures with his hand. “behind you.”

“Ah,” James turns around and takes his jacket off the hook. “there we go.”

“So,” An apprehensive Will bites his lip. “about last night…”

“Listen, Will,” James cuts him off, zipping his jacket up. “I know we need to talk about what happened last night, but I have to run. I can't miss this conference call and I have a pretty busy day ahead of me, I’m sorry. Can we please do this later?”

“Yeah, of course.” Will looks down, trying to hide the disappointment in both his voice and face. “I understand. You do what you have to do, work comes first.”

“Will,” James tries to get Will to look at him to no avail. “please don’t be upset. This is not me putting my job before you, but last night was very unexpected and I have responsibilities that take priority at the moment.” He takes a step closer to Will until they are mere inches apart and Will can feel James’ breath on his face. “I don’t regret last night. I hope you don’t either, and I want to figure out what it meant, but we have to do it another time. I’m sorry.”

Feeling his heart soar upon hearing that James doesn’t regret last night, he looks up and smiles. “I don’t regret last night either.”

“I’m glad.” James leans in and gives Will a kiss. “I gotta go, but I’ll text you later.”

Will waves as James walk out and he closes the door behind him. _Maybe last night was just a combination of nostalgia and old feelings resurfacing or maybe it meant something more, but at least neither of them regret it._

Will turns the see the time on the television, 7:15. He has to pick up Logan from Jay and Erin’s at 8 because they have to go to work, which leaves him time to shower and have something to eat.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 9 A.M.**

Ethan is sitting in the break room eating a bagel with his coffee when he hears a tap on the window. Turning around, he sees Melissa.

Waving her in, he gets up to greet her with a smile.

“Hey, honey.” Ethan kisses her. “I thought you were off today.”

“I am.” Melissa wraps her arms around Ethan’s waist. “I just came by to drop off some papers to Mr. Rhodes and figured I’d surprise you.”

“Well, this is a lovely surprise,” Ethan leads her to the table, where Melissa sits on his lap. “especially since I didn’t get to see you last night because I got stuck working late. I missed you, I love spending Saturday nights with you, but I was covering for Will.”

“Aw, I know, babe.” Melissa runs her hand through his hair. “I missed you, too, but it was nice of you to cover for your friend. Is he the one that was dating Mr. Rhodes’ son?”

“Yes.” Ethan nods. “They were engaged and living together, too. But things didn’t work out.”

“Because Will found out he has a son, right?” Melissa asks, causing Ethan to raise his eyebrows. “I’ve heard Mr. Rhodes on the phone talking about the situation. Even with my headphones in, I could hear pretty clearly everything that he was saying. Mr. Rhodes had some very choice words about Will, he blames him for the breakup.”

Ethan shrugs. “Will and Connor are both my friends so it’s not my place to take a side. Everyone here at the hospital has remained neutral and has not let their breakup interfere with our individual friendships. Mr. Rhodes obviously feels differently because Connor is his son.”

“Well, what Connor’s father does is one thing,” Melissa tells Ethan, stretching her legs out over his. “but I think you and everyone else are doing the right thing by not letting the break up be its own thing and not impact relationships within the hospital.”

“As long as you approve.” Ethan teases, pulling her in close for a kiss.

They remain locked in a passionate kiss for about two minutes before finally pulling away for some air.

“Wow,” Melissa tries to catch her breath. “In case I haven’t mentioned it, I also approve of your kissing skills. They get an A+ in my book.”

“Good to know.” Ethan rubs his fingers along her shoulder. “Are you still gonna come over tonight when I get off work?”

“Sure am.” Melissa enthusiastically replies. “I hope your kitchen’s set up because I’m gonna cook you a nice dinner.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Oh, also,” Melissa stands up. “are you still up for meeting my mom next week? She can’t wait to meet this guy I can’t stop talking about.”

“Absolutely, sweetie.” Ethan replies with a smile. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Good,” Melissa gives him a kiss. “I’m gonna head upstairs to drop these papers and let you get to work, text me when you go on break.”

“You got it.”

Melissa waves and Ethan watches her walk away. How did he get so lucky that she walked into his life?

**Scene : Streets of Chicago, 1 P.M.**

Voight and his Intelligence unit are undercover, set to bust a drug smuggling ring inside an old warehouse. Mouse is working surveillance in an unmarked van.

“Ok, Mouse,” Jay tells him, putting his gear on. “we’re about go in. We all have our coms on so keep us posted if there’s any movement.”

“Copy.”

Jay steps out of the van to find Voight, Erin, Ruzek, Atwater, and Antonio all geared up.

“Is Mouse all set up?” Voight asks Jay.

“Yup.” Jay tells Voight as everyone get into position. “Cameras are all set up and I told Mouse to keep us posted through the coms if there’s any movement.”

“Ok then.” Voight addresses his unit. “On my command, let’s go in.”

“1, 2, 3. Let’s hit it!”

They break down the door to the warehouse and come charging in shouting “Chicago PD!”

“Sergeant, it’s clear.” Ruzek tells Voight. “There’s no one down here.”

“Check the other floors.” Voight orders. “Fan out, we know these guys are here.”

Following orders, the team checks the entire warehouse only to come up empty.

They reconvene by the entrance. “Sarg, the entire warehouse is empty.”

“I don’t understand,” Voight shakes his head. “we were just here a couple of hours ago and saw their whole operation. What happened?”

“Maybe they figured out we were onto them,” Antonio suggests. “and they split.”

"Mouse," Jay taps into the com. "anything on the cameras?”

Radio silence.

“Mouse?” Voight calls into his com. “are you there?”

“Guys, help me!” Mouse shouts into his com. ”They knew we were here, it was a trap. They’re after me now.”

Voight’s eyes widen. “Let’s move!”

The team runs outside and are greeted with an explosion, the van Mouse was in was blown up.

“Oh, my God, Mouse!” Jay shouts as he runs towards the explosion.

Everyone follows him, coughing from smoke inhalation.

“Mouse! Mouse!” They shout, desperate to find their co-worker. “Where are you?”

Erin hears groaning and runs to see Mouse laying on the sidewalk a few feet away, covered in bruises and soot. “Guys, over here!”

The rest of the team comes running over and Atwater and Jay bend down beside Mouse. “Mouse, are you ok? Can you hear me?”

“He’s unconscious,” Atwater checks for a pulse. “but he’s got a pulse. It's steady.”

“Central, this is Sergeant Voight of Intelligence. We have a 10-00, Officer down. Roll an ambulance, CSU, and backup to our current location.”

“Copy that, Sergeant. On its way.”

“Hang in there, buddy,” A trembling Jay grabs Mouse’s hand. “help is on the way.” He chokes out a tear. “Come on, you and I have been through too much. You cannot leave me now, just hold on.”

Fighting back her own tears, Erin rests her hand on Jay’s shoulder, attempting to comfort him.

_He's gonna make it, he has to._

**Scene : Chicago Med, 20 minutes later**

“Incoming!” Maggie shouts. “Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Manning, we have a Chicago P.D. officer coming in.”

The ER doors open and the EMTs bring in an unconscious Mouse on a stretcher.

“What do we got?” Connor asks as he and Natalie step in the hallway.

“30 year male, vitals and pulse steady, but unresponsive on the ride over. We found him unconscious, BP 130/70.”

“Connor,” Natalie pauses as she looks at the victim’s face. “it’s Mouse.”

Connor looks and sees Mouse covered in bruises. “Where are we going, Maggie?”

“Trauma two.”

The EMT’s wheel Mouse into the room with Natalie and Connor following.

Jay and Erin come running into the ER.

“Mouse,” They approach April at the front desk. “did he come in yet?”

“Yes, he’s been taken into treatment two,” April replies. “with Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Manning. Please have a seat in the waiting room and we’ll give you an update as soon as possible.”

Jay sighs deeply as Erin leads him to the waiting room. They both take a seat and Jay puts his head back.

“I can’t believe this is happening, Erin.” Jay shakes his head, breathing shakily. “How…how could we let Mouse get attacked by these bastards? We should’ve done a better job protecting him, _I_ should’ve done a better job protecting him. I never should’ve left him alone in that van.”

“Hey, this is not your fault.” Erin puts her hand on Jay’s back. “There’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent what happened. Somehow the perps knew we were onto them and set a trap. If you had been in the van with Mouse, you would’ve been part of the explosion too.”

“Mouse is my best friend.” Jay is near tears. “He and I have been through so much together, we saw so much during our time overseas, and it bonded us.” He looks down and wipes away a few tears. “If he dies…I can’t lose him.”

Erin rubs Jay’s back. “Mouse is in the best hands here. Connor and Natalie are going to do everything they can for him.”

Overcome by emotion, Jay breaks down in tears as his best friend fights for his life. Erin pulls Jay into a hug, shedding a few tears of her own. _Please let Mouse be alright._

**Scene : Chicago Med, 30 minutes later**

Voight, Erin, and Jay are sitting in the waiting room when Connor walks in.

“Dr. Rhodes,” Voight stands up as he approaches them. “how’s Mouse doing?”

“He’s stable and has regained consciousness." Connor takes a seat across from the three of them. “Natalie and I ran some tests and Mouse is very lucky that he hasn’t sustained any major damage from the explosion. His skull is fractured, which we will stitch up, he has a few cracked ribs, his elbow and knee are sprained, and there’s bruising on his face from when it connected with the concrete, The only thing that's of concern is that his CT showed that there is some swelling in his brain, which is most likely from the impact of the explosion.”

“Is that dangerous, that swelling in his brain?”

“Possibly.” Connor explains. “At the moment, the swelling is minimal and we have him on medicine that will hopefully eliminate the swelling within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. We need to keep an eye on it though so we are working on getting Mouse admitted so Natalie and I can check on him. Aside from the swelling, there’s nothing else to be concerned about. Mouse is just in a lot of pain, he will be for a while, so we have on medicine to help with that.”

“Thank you, Dr. Rhodes." Voight stands up and shakes his hand. “I’m going to go call the commander and give her an update.”

“So,” An anxious Jay clasps his hands together, his eyes bloodshot. “you think Mouse is going to be fine? And that the swelling is going to go away?”

“I do, as does Natalie.” Connor tries to reassure him. “Like I said, we’re admitting him and we’ll be keeping an eye on everything just to make sure, but we both expect him to be perfectly fine.”

“Thank you, Connor.” Jay hugs him and then turns to Erin. “I’m gonna go call Will and tells him what’s going on.”

Erin nods as Jay walks away.

Connor turns to Erin. “How’s Jay doing? I know he and Mouse are best friends, this must be tough for him.”

“It is.” Erin sadly replies. “I haven’t seen him this scared in a long time. He and Mouse went through a lot together during their time in the army, he’s been Jay’s closest friend as long as I’ve known him, so this has really rattled him. But I knew that you and Natalie would do everything you could for Mouse.”

Connor smiles. “Of course.”

“You know, Connor,” Erin picks at her fingernails, unsure of how to broach this subject. “I’m really sorry that this is the first time I’ve seen or spoken to you since you and Will broke up. I wanted to reach out to you, I was so upset to hear that things didn’t work out, but I didn’t wanna overstep or make you feel worse.”

“You don’t have to explain, Erin.” Connor puts his hand up. "Jay explained it to me and I understand. Besides, I know that it’s tough to stay in touch with your fiancé’s brother’s ex-fiancé.” He rolls his eyes. “Geez, that sounds like a movie.”

They both laugh as Erin reaches for his hand. “You know that no matter, whether you and Will are together or not, I’ll always be here for, right?”

“I do.” Connor squeezes her hand. “Thank you. And that goes both ways.”

Erin smiles.

“Anyway, I have to go back to work. Natalie and I will come find you and Jay when Mouse has been admitted.”

“Thanks, Connor.”

Connor nods as he walks away.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 6 P.M.**

Having just finished dinner, Will and Logan are sitting at the kitchen eating some Oreos. Logan is dunking them into his milk and Will is enjoying them with his coffee. Will was very concerned to hear about Mouse, he wanted to stop by the hospital but didn’t have anyone to watch Logan. He’s just glad Mouse is alright and knowing that he’s under Natalie and Connor’s care has him feeling confident that everything will be alright. Plus, he’ll be at work in the morning and can check on Mouse then.

“Are you enjoying your Oreos?” Will asks Logan.

“Mmm-hmmm.” Logan happily nods, popping another one into his mouth. “I love Oreos, they’re my favorite!”

Will smiles at his son’s enthusiasm as they hear a knock at the door. “Oh, Dad, is that Uncle Jay?”

“No, it’s not Uncle Jay.” Will stands up and walks towards the door. “A friend of mine is coming by.”

Will opens the door and reveals James wearing a pair of blue jeans with a black t-shirt and a gray hoodie.

“Hey, Will.”

“James, hey,” Will ushers him inside. “come on in.”

“Hey, I remember you!” Logan stands up and points to James. “You were here the other night.”

“That’s right, he was.” Will responds. “This is my friend and he and I need to talk, so how about you and Lucky go watch some television in your room?”

“Okay, Dad.” Logan hops off the kitchen stool and turns to Lucky, who was laying on the kitchen floor. “Let’s go Lucky.”

Lucky barks and follows Logan.

“Don’t forget to wash your hands first, buddy.” Will calls as they disappear into the other room. He turns to James. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s totally fine.” James smiles. “I hope now’s a good time.”

“Yes, of course. We just finished eating dinner.” Will motions to the couch. “Please have a seat, I’m just going to go grab my coffee.”

Will grabs his coffee off the kitchen counter and rejoins James in the living room, sitting next to him on the couch.

“How was your day at work? Everything go alright with your conference call this morning?”

“Yeah.” James replies, leaning back. “Everything was good. I was just a little tired today.”

Will chuckles. “That was probably my fault.”

“No, not all all, Will.” James' tone get serious. “I meant what I said this morning, I don’t regret what happened last night. It was good to finally be honest about my feelings and possibly put us on the track to moving forward together. I just hope you haven’t changed your mind about not regretting last night."

Will sighs as he hears what James says, he really is a sweet guy. “I haven’t, I still do not regret last night.”

“But…” James reads the expression on Will's face. “There’s a but coming, I know it.”

“But if I’m being honest, James, I’m not so sure it was such a good idea.” Will takes a deep breath, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m at a place in my life where I’m a single parent to Logan and I recently broke up with Connor whom I still love, so I don’t know if now is the right time for anything to happen between us. I’m sorry.”

“Right.” James looks at his fingers, trying to hide his sadness. “Why would you want to move on with me of all people considering our history?”

“That is _not_ it, James.” Will puts his hands on James’ shoulders. “Hearing everything you said last night meant a lot and being with you again was special. I meant what I said, too, I do still have feelings for you. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to move on from Connor yet, with you or anyone else.”

“I understand.” James stands up. “I’ve actually been called back to New York to help an associate of mine with a case that is currently at trial. I’m flying out in the morning and I’ll be gone for about a week, maybe a week and a half, so if you change your mind, you know how to reach me.”

“I do,” Will walks James over towards the door. “but I hope that no matter what, you and I can be friends. We’ve come a long way since our breakup and I don’t want that progress to get lost in all of this.”

“Of course.” James and Will hug. “I gotta go pack, but I’ll talk to you soon. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Will calls as he closes the door behind him. He feels bad to let James down like that, but a part of him still has hope for getting back together with Connor and despite what he does feel for James, he’s not ready to give that hope up.

**Scene : Chicago Med, Mouse’s Room, 8 P.M.**

Connor walks into the room and sees Natalie listening to Mouse’s heart and lungs.

“Dr. Manning, how’s our patient?”

“I’m flying!” Mouse makes an airplane sound and starts moving his hands like an airplane.

“He’s good.” Natalie chuckles, putting her stethoscope around her neck. “Heart and lungs sound good, and I think the pain medicine is really starting to kick in.”

“I can see that.” Connor opens his iPad. “Did the rest of his labs come back yet?”

“I’m not sure.” Natalie checks her phone for an alert. “Let me go check.”

Natalie walks out and Connor takes a seat next to Mouse’s bed.

“Mouse,” Connor snaps his fingers to get his attention. “can you hear me? How are you feeling?”

“Really good.” A loopy Mouse responds. “Where’s my lollipop? Dr. Manning promised me a lollipop.”

“I don’t have any lollipops, but I can get you some food if you’re hungry.”

“Jello? Pudding?!” An excited Mouse, feeling the effects of the pain medicine, sits up. “Can I have those?”

“Sure thing.” Connor stands up. “Let me see what I can do.”

“You’re the best.” Mouse replies as he lays his head back on the pillow. “I’ve always liked you.”

Connor turns around and chuckles. “You’re enjoying that pain medicine, aren’t you? Can’t feel a thing, huh?”

“I have a secret to tell you.” Mouse’s voice gets quiet as his eyelids starts to droop. “I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time, but you were dating my best friend’s brother so I could never act on my feelings. But now that you and Will broke up, maybe you and I can finally have a chance to be together.”

Mouse puts his finger over his lips and snickers. “But shh! It’s a secret, don’t tell anyone.”

His eyes close as he drifts off to sleep, leaving an awestruck Connor standing there. _Was Mouse on too much pain medicine or did he actually mean that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	64. Taking the Leap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, the next morning (Monday), 8 A.M.  
**

Bag slung over his shoulder, Will walks into the break room to find Natalie sitting at the table eating breakfast.

“Good morning, Nat.”

“Good morning, Will.” Natalie stands up to give him a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Will responds, walking over to his locker to put his stuff away. “how are you?”

“I’m good, just a little tired.” Natalie yawns. “Long night.”

Will walks to the counter and pours himself a cup of coffee. “How’s Mouse doing?”

“He’s doing well.” Natalie replies, taking a bite of her egg and cheese sandwich. “He’s on lots of pain medicine and was pretty groggy so Connor and I finally gave him something to help him fall asleep around 9 o’clock last night. He was just waking up when I got in a little while ago, I ordered another head CT to check the swelling in his brain, and they’re doing it now.”

“Well, that’s good.” Will joins Natalie at the table. “I was really worried when Jay told me what happened, but I didn’t have anyone to watch Logan so I couldn’t come down here. I knew he was in good hands with you and Connor.”

“We’re doing a full course on antibiotics to reduce the swelling in his brain.” Natalie explains. “Luckily, it’s minor so the only side effects Mouse would be feeling is a headache or slight dizziness. The antibiotics should definitely do the trick, the head CT will tell us how the first twelve hours on them did.”

“Mouse is a fighter,” Will tells Natalie as he takes a sip of his coffee. “I’m sure he’ll make a full recovery.”

“I have no doubt.” Natalie replies, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “So, how was your reunion on Saturday night? I haven’t seen you since you went, did you have fun?”

“Um, yeah,” Will casually responds. “it was good. I saw some old professors, some former classmates, and you know, James and I had sex.”

“Wait,” Natalie does a double take, unsure if she heard him correctly. “what did you just say? You and James had sex?”

A guilty Will sip his coffee and looks around the room, his face almost matching his hair.

“I…what….” Natalie stammers. “How did this happen? I thought you were just going to the reunion as friends.”

“We were, at least that’s how it started. Everything was going well, but I spilled red wine on his shirt and I insisted on him coming back to the apartment so I could try to get the stain out.” Will leans back and explains. “While we were waiting for his shirt in the laundry, we got to talking and reminiscing and James started saying all of these things that caught me really off guard.”

“What kind of things?”

“About how he’s sorry he ever left to go to NYU for law school and broke up our relationship, how a life with me was with his dream, how leaving is his biggest regret that he wishes he could change because he wanted the future we had discussed.” Will calmly explains, trying to not caught up in the emotion again. “How he’s been looking for me in the guys he’s dated over the years, but could never find anyone like me because I’m special and the one that got away.”

“Wow,” Natalie taps her fingers on the table. “that is intense stuff. I mean, it’s been years since you and James broke up. And you and Connor only broke up like three weeks ago.”

“I know.” Will sighs. “It was a lot to take in and process. Hearing him say all of that reawakened all of these feelings inside me, my feelings for James that I buried deep down, and I was honest with him about how his leaving and how our breakup affected me. Then one thing led to another and we wound up having sex.”

“Do you regret it?”

“I don’t regret it.” Will chooses his words carefully. “I’ve carried a torch for James pretty much since we broke up, even when I was with Connor those feelings existed on some level, and our sleeping together was just them manifesting themselves in physical form. If I’m being honest, it was an amazing night. Aside from being sculpted like an Adonis, I’d forgotten how passionate and gentle James can be.”

“But…”

“But, I don’t think it was a good idea considering where I am in my life. I’m a single parent to Logan and I still love Connor, I’m not ready to possibly start anything back up with James.”

“I see.” Natalie takes a sip of her coffee. “Did you tell James?”

“I did. He came to see me last night so we could talk and he sounded like he thought our bedroom tryst was the first step towards getting back together. I felt really bad because he’s very sweet, but I had to be honest and tell him that I’m not in the right place for that given my recent breakup with Connor.”

“Because you don’t want to move on or because you’re scared to move on?”

“A little bit of both.” Will sadly replies. “I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t fully accept that Connor and I are truly over. I still have this tiny glimmer of hope that we will find our way back to each other despite everything that’s happened. Moving on, with James or anyone else, destroys that hope and I’m not ready for that just yet. I’m also scared to move on because I don’t want my feelings for Connor to go away.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid, Will,” Natalie tells him. “but don’t you also have feelings for James?”

“I do.” Will sighs. “Did I mention that this is all very complicated?”

“Will, honey,” Natalie tries to put this gently. “I know you feel guilty about what happened with Connor, but I don’t want you to hold out hope for something that might not happen. You know I love Connor and I think you guys were great together, but there was immense damage done and I think you might need to accept that it’s truly over.”

“Do you really think that?”

“I’m sorry, Will, but I do.” Natalie reaches for his hand. “Connor seems pretty set on moving on and you’re both my friends and I want you both to be happy. Just don’t let James go so easily because you’re holding onto hope over the idea of getting back together with Connor. Logan can always get used to you dating someone, but you can’t be alone forever because you feel guilty about hurting Connor. You have to move on eventually and James sounds like a nice, honest guy who would be good for you.”

“I’ll think about it, Natalie.” Will squeezes her hand. “Thanks.”

He knows Natalie’s right, he has to move on at some point, but it’s so hard to let go of the hope of his and Connor's love rekindling  

**Scene: Chicago Med, 1 P.M.**

Mouse is sitting in his hospital bed speaking with Natalie.

“So, your head CT that I ordered this morning shows the swelling in your brain has decreased since this morning, but we need it to go away completely so we’ll be continuing the antibiotics. If all goes well, the swelling should fully subside by tomorrow. Dr. Rhodes and I will do another CT later today to check on the progress. The fracture in your skull has been stitched up, the stitches should come out in about two to three weeks.”

Mouses winces in pain as he shifts to the side. “So, there’s nothing serious I have to worry about?”

Natalie closes her iPad. “As long as the swelling in your brain goes away, there’s nothing else to worry about. It’ll take time, you’ll be in pain for a while with your injuries, but it’ll all healing.”

Mouse nods. “Thank you, Dr. Manning.”

Their conversation is interrupted by a knock at the door. Mouse turns to see Jay and Erin.

“Are we interrupting?”

“Not at all.” Natalie’s phone beeps. “I have to go. Dr. Rhodes and I will check in on you later.”

Natalie exits the room as Jay and Erin enter. Wordlessly, Jay walks over to Mouse and leans down to pull him into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re all right.” Jay’s eyes well up with tears as he embraces his best friend. “I was so scared that I was going to lose you, it was like that time you were hit with the IED all over again. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t make it.”

“Don’t worry, Jay.” Mouse tightens the hug, voice thick with emotion. “These bastards keep trying, but it’s not working. You’re my best friend and nothing’s ever going to separate us.”

Erin smiles at the scene before her. Jay and Mouse have always been such close friends, their time in the army practically made them inseparable, and she’s grateful that Jay has such a good friend.

Jay and Mouse break their hug and Mouse turns to Erin. “Erin, hey.”

Erin leans down to hug Mouse. “We’re all so relieved you’re all right, you gave us quite the scare.”

Mouse smiles. “Did you figure out what happened and how those drug smugglers knew we were onto them?”

Jay and Erin take a seat next to Mouse’s bed. “No, we looked into it all night. Nothing yet, but we’ll keep checking.”

“Actually, I just got our answer.” Voight announces as he enters the room. “Mouse, how you doing there, kid?”

“I’m good, Sarg,” Mouse replies. “What’d you find out?”

“I just spoke to Antonio. It turns out our C.I.’s cover was blown, the drug smugglers knew he was a traitor. They tortured him until he told them about our operation and then killed him.” Voight explains. “The leader of the smuggling ring was picked up an hour ago and spilled everything, including the location of our C.I.’s body. I have to get back to the district.”

Erin stands up. “Do you need us to come with you?”

“Not right now,” Voight puts his phone away. “You two stay with Mouse, I’ll call you if I need you. Get some rest, Mouse, I’ll be back later.”

Voight turns to leave when he sees Ms. Goodwin and Cornelius standing in the doorway of Mouses’s room.

“Sharon, hi.” Voight gives Cornelius a once over. “Who’s this?”

“Cornelius Rhodes, I’m the chairman of the hospital board.” Cornelius extends his hand. “You must be Sergeant Voight, Ms. Goodwin’s told me a lot about you.”

“Only good things I hope.” Voight chuckles as he shakes Cornelius’ shakes. “So, you’re the new guy in charge around here, huh?”

“That I am.”

Ms. Goodwin and Cornelius step further in the room.

“We heard there was a CPD officer brought in last night and we heard it was Mouse,” Ms. Goodwin takes her glasses off. “so we just wanted to check in.”

“It’s good to see all of you again.” Cornelius looks around the room addressing Jay, Erin, and Mouse. “I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.”

Ms. Goodwin turns to Cornelius. “We’ll let you get some rest and have some privacy.”

“If there’s anything you need,” Cornelius addresses the four of them. “any of you, please don’t hesitate to come to me or Ms. Goodwin directly. You’re all part of the Chicago family so we’re here for you.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m leaving too,” Voight tells Cornelius and Ms. Goodwin. “I’ll walk out with you guys.”

The three of them walk out as Jay and Erin share a look.

“That was weird, right?” Jay asks. “I mean, Connor’s dad was so nice to us, to me especially since I’m Will’s brother. I figured he’d barely look in my direction after what happened with Connor and Will.”

Erin shrugs. “I know who his dad used to be, but I guess he really has changed. He only blames Will for what went down with Connor and he won’t take how he feels out on any of us.”

They look at Mouse and see that he has drifted to sleep.

“It must be the pain medicine,” Erin whispers. “it makes him sleepy.”

Jay nods, so thankful his best friend isn’t going anywhere.

**Scene : Connor & Will’s Apartment, 6 P.M.**

Will opens the apartment door and finds Logan sitting on the couch reading.

“Dad!” Logan gets up and runs over to Will.

“Hey there, champ,” Will quickly drops his stuff and bends down to pick Logan up in his arms. “how are you?”

“I’m good, Dad.” Logan wraps his arms around Will's neck. “I missed you.”

“Aw, I missed you too, buddy.” Will smiles, ruffling his son’s hair. “Where’s Ms. Ashley?”

“She went to the bathroom and I was reading one of my space books while she was gone.”

Will nods. “Do you want a snack?”

“Oh!” Logan’s face lights up. “Can we have ice cream? With whipped cream and chocolate syrup?”

“You got it.” Will carries Logan into the kitchen and sits him at one of the stools at the counter. He turns to the freezer and takes out the ice cream when the bathroom door opens.

“Logan,” Ashley calls as she makes her way towards the living room. “where are you?”

“We’re in here, Ashley.” Will calls, as he opens the cabinet and grabs bowls for the ice cream.

“Hey, Will.” Ashley greets him. “I thought I heard you come in.”

“Hey, Ashley.” Will scoops ice cream into the bowls. “Do you want some ice cream? I’m making some mini-sundaes for me and Logan.”

“Oh, no thank you, I’m good.”

“Sure thing.” Will hands Logan his ice cream topped with whipped cream and chocolate syrup.  
“Here you go, buddy, enjoy.”

“That looks awesome.” Logan smiles wide as he picks up his spoon. “Thanks, Dad.”

Will smiles as he watches Logan dig into the mini-sundae. He never thought he’d enjoy being a dad. It was Connor who wanted kids, but having Logan in his life has brought him such incomparable joy. Even though he will be single on Valentine’s Day tomorrow, clinging to hope that will likely never be realized of getting back together with Connor, while harboring feelings for James at the same time, he at least has his son.

“How was everything with Logan today?”

“Great, as usual.” Ashley replies. “We watched television, read, went for a walk. Did a lot drawing and coloring. We had a good day, right, Logan?”

Whipped cream on his nose, Logan nods.

They both laugh as Ashley looks around. “So anyway, now that you're home, I should probably get going.”

“Of course.”

“Goodnight, Logan. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Logan gives her a hug. “Goodnight, Ms. Ashley.”

Will follows Ashley towards the door. “Thank you for everything, Ashley. Goodnight.”

“My pleasure, see you tomorrow.” Ashley puts her jacket on. “Goodnight, Will.”

Will closes the door when he hears a thud and quickly turns around.

“Dad, I dropped my spoon!”

Will laughs at his son, face covered in ice cream, as he walks into the kitchen to get Logan another spoon. Ah, the joys of fatherhood.

**Scene: Chicago Med, Mouse’s Room, 6:30 P.M.**

Connor walks into Mouse’s room to find Mouse sitting up, eating, and watching television.

“Hey, Mouse.”

Mouse turns his attention from the television. “Hey, Dr. Rhodes.”

“I’m getting ready to finish my shift soon and wanted to check in on you before I go.” Connor opens his iPad. “Is this the first time you’re eating today?”

“No,” Mouse replies. “the nurses brought me lunch earlier.”

“Ok, good.” Connor makes a note on his iPad. “Has Dr. Manning been by recently?”

“About two hours ago, she sent me for another test of my head.”

“Hm, ok.” Connor scrolls through his iPad before closing it. “I’ll get back to that in a second. How are you feeling?”

“Alright, just tired and sore.” Mouse groans. “Plus, I have a headache.”

“That’s to be expected.” Connor hugs his iPad to his chest. “Considering the explosion you were involved in, you were lucky that you didn’t sustain any major injuries. Cracked ribs, sprained knee and elbow, and your face is a little messed up. All of that will heal over time, the stitches in your skull will come in a few weeks, and we’re going to prescribe a healing ointment to help with the scratches on your face. Our main concern is the swelling in your brain. The headache you’re experiencing is a result of that and I’ll have the nurse put something in your IV to help with the headache. Your head CT from this morning showed that the swelling had decreased and now that it's been 24 hours since we started you on the medicine to reduce the swelling we should see significant progress on the latest head CT Dr. Manning ordered.”

He puts his stethoscope to his ears. “But first, I just want to listen to your breathing and check your eyes and ears to make sure everything’s still good.”

After doing so, he wraps his stethoscope around his neck. “Everything sounds good, now let me check for those test results.”

Connor open up his iPad and scrolls through until he finds what he is looking for. “Ah, here it is, your latest head CT. This looks excellent, the swelling in your brain has decreased significantly since this morning. I’d say another twelve hours and it should be completely gone.”

“That’s great news,” Mouse winces in pain as he turns to his side. “but what about the pain that I'm in? You said you’d give me something to help heal the scratches on my faces and for my headache, but what about something for the pain?”

“Well, while you’re still here, you'll remain on pain medicine.” Connor explains. “But once you’re released, Mouse, you’re gonna have to stick with regular Tylenol and Advil. The stuff we give you here is very strong and needs to be monitored closely by a medical professional because it has a highly addictive quality. Aside from that, rest, use ice, and take it easy for a while. It’s going to take about four weeks until you’re fully healed.”

“Understood.” Mouse nods. “So do you think I’ll be able to go home tomorrow?”

“As long as the swelling completely subsides, yes.”

“Great.” Mouse smiles. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Connor turns to walk out, but then turns back around. “Hey Mouse, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Um,” Connor takes a seat at the chair next to Mouse’s bed. “do you remember having a conversation with me last night?”

“Hm.” Mouse furrows his brow. “I don’t, why do you ask?”

“You were on a lot of pain medicine last night and you sort of said something that struck me. You actually said it was a secret.”

Mouse shrugs. “What was it?”

“You told me that you've always had a crush on me,” Connor reiterates what Mouse said to him last night. “but never acted on your feelings because I was dating Will. But you hoped now that I was single that you and I could have a chance at being together.”

A horrified Mouse’s eyes widen. “I said that?”

“Yeah.” Connor bites his lip. “I wasn’t sure if it was just that you were on too much pain medicine and you were delusional or if you really meant it, but I just had to mention it.”

“I’m sorry it came out that way, Connor.” Mouse tries to put this right way. “That was never how I wanted you to find out.”

“Wait,” Connor puts his hand up. “so it’s…it’s true?”

“It is.”

“I…I thought you were straight.” A shocked Connor stammers. “I-I remember you were dating that girl last year.”

“I’m bisexual.” Mouse calmly replies. “I’ve always been into both men and women. I’ve never really made a big deal out of it and mostly kept it to myself. No one really knows except for Jay.”

“So, you like me?”

“I do.” Mouse affirmatively nods. “I just would’ve preferred to tell you when I wasn't under the influence of pain medicine. I’ve had a crush on you since I first met you, but I was never sure about your sexuality. And then when I was, you were dating my best friend’s brother so I couldn’t exactly tell you.”

“And now that I’m not,” Connor hesitates to finish his thought. “you’re…still interested?”

“Yes, I am, but the way I said it last night came out wrong.” Mouse tries to explain. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m happy you and Will broke up and that I’m glad you’re both in pain over it. I just meant that maybe the fact that you’re single now is an opportunity for us to see if we have some kind of spark. I wasn’t try to minimize what you and Will had or what you’re going through now that you’ve broken up, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Connor gets up and stands next to Mouse’s bed. “I mean, I always thought you were a very nice guy, Mouse. Not to mention very attractive as well, but I had no idea that you liked me or that you were even into guys.”

“Well,” Mouse decides to take the leap and go for it. “now that you know, would you like to go out with me once I’m feeling better?”

Connor is impressed by Mouse’s boldness. He likes when a guy goes after what he wants, that’s the kind of guy he's looking to date now that he’s single. Maybe it is finally time to move on. Connor smiles. “I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	65. Fresh Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my other Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Connor and Will’s Apartment, one week later, Monday, February 20, 2017, 7 P.M.**

Will and Jay are sitting in the living room while Erin is the other room with Logan.

“Well, Will,” Jay takes a deep breath. “hearing about you and James is certainly surprising, but I am glad that you told me.”

“Erin’s the one who convinced me to do so, I was nervous to tell you.”

“What?” Jay’s face contorts with confusion. “Why?”

“Sleeping with James wasn’t exactly my finest moment,” Will looks down. “and I didn’t want you to think less of me because of it. Your single parent younger brother whoring around and sleeping with random guys.”

“Don’t say that!” Jay puts his hand on Will’s shoulder. “First of all, James is not a random guy; he’s your ex-boyfriend that your share a past with and whom you have complicated feelings for, so sleeping with him in no way makes you a whore. Second of all, nothing you do could ever make me think less of you. You’re human and we all do things we’re not proud of sometimes. I understand what happened with James that night and how you wound up having sex. Finally, and most importantly, I’m your big brother, Will. I love you and I want you to always feel comfortable talking to me about anything and everything, no matter what it is, because I am always here for you.”

“Thanks, Jay.”

“But, nothing’s happening between you and James anymore, right?” Jay tries to clarify. “You said you ended it before it began.”

“Yeah.” Will won’t meet his brother’s gaze. “He went back to New York for a case, I’m not even sure if he’s back yet. It’s for the best though because I got so caught up in everything I was feeling for James that night that I forgot all about Connor and Logan. I can’t possibly be ready to move on when I still love Connor and have Logan to think about.”

“Will,” Jay tries to get Will to look at him. “you’re not talking about moving on in terms traipsing endless guys in and out of your apartment. This is about you putting your life back together after all that’s happened and getting a fresh start.”

“But isn’t it selfish of me to move on when I’m a single parent?”

“Absolutely not.” Jay shifts his position to face his brother. “You may be Logan’s father, but you also have to life your life. You know how I feel about Connor, but you are my brother first and foremost and I care about what happens next for you. You can’t be alone just because Connor’s gone and you’re a single parent.”

“I feel so guilty to even think about moving on.” Will picks at his fingers. “To act like what happened between Connor and me didn’t matter, to put my needs before Logan’s, and to possibly start things up with James again. I just don’t want to complicate my life any further.”

“Listen to me, Will,” Jay tries to put this gently. “I know that you feel guilty about what happened with Connor and the way things ended, but that guilt can’t be the reason you spend the rest of your life alone. Despite what happened, you’re a good person and you deserve to find happiness again. Moving on isn’t about acting like what you and Connor had didn’t matter, it’s rather about accepting that your relationship, as great as it was, is over and that your love for him will fade over time. If you truly want to be the best father you can to Logan, you need to be happy as well because dedicating yourself fully to him is going to wind up with you losing yourself. Logan needs you to set the example that loss and heartbreak aren’t the end of the road, they’re just stops along the way.”

Jay clears his throat and continues. “Regrading you and James, I know you two have a complicated past and your feelings for him are mixed up in all of this, but from what you’ve told me, he sounds like a good guy. For James to open himself up like that all these years after your breakup was a big risk, it shows that he’s someone of integrity and honesty. He made a mistake when you broke up, but it sounds like he’s never stopped caring for you. So, if you moving on would be about starting something up with James again, I think that Logan would be fine. He’s a sweet kid, very friendly, plus he’s only five and young kinds adapt easily. I think that if you introduce James and Logan to each other and allow them to establish a relationship, then it would work out.”

Will sighs deeply. “Thanks, Jay.”

“Just listen to your heart,” Jay pats his brother’s leg. “and trust what you feel. You’ll make the right decision.”

Will smiles as Logan comes running into the living room.

“Uncle Jay!” Logan jumps on the couch next to Jay. “You have to come watch _Power Rangers_ with me and Aunt Erin, the Rangers just met Ninjor!”

“Oh, that sounds exciting, buddy.” Jay smiles at his nephew. “Let’s go.”

“Actually, Logan,” Will suggests. “why don’t you and Aunt Erin come in and hear and the four of us will watch together?”

“Okay, Dad.” Logan hops off the couch. “Can Lucky watch with us?”

Will lightly chuckles. “Of course.”

“Yay!” Logan claps his hands. “I’ll be right back.”

Logan disappears into the room to get Erin and Lucky as Will grabs the remote to turn on the television.

“ _Power Rangers_ , huh? How did he get turned onto it?”

“Ashley introduced it to him one day a few weeks ago when she watching him.” Will responds as he uses the Roku player connected to the television to open Netflix. “I didn't even know, but all of the seasons are on Netflix, and Logan absolutely loves it. Seeing how much he loves it reminds me of how much you and I were into _Power Rangers_ when we were younger and we used to record the episodes on VHS tapes.”

Jay’s eyes widen. “Wow, VHS tapes. With DVDs and streaming services, they’re pretty obsolete. I remember when you and I used to dress up as the red and blue Rangers for Halloween.”

“Talk about a lifetime ago, that had to be at least twenty years ago.” Will chuckles. “Those were fun days, though.”

“They were.” Jay smiles at his brother. “I’m glad you’re teaching Logan about the old _Power Rangers_ because I saw the trailer for the new movie coming out next month and it looks terrible. They’ve completely changed Zordon and Alpha.”

“Yes!” Will exclaims. “I saw the trailer also and I don’t know why they would remake something so iconic, they’re going to ruin the _Power Rangers_ legacy.”

“Here we are.” Erin announces as she walks into the living room holding Logan’s hands with Lucky following behind them.

She takes a seat on the couch in between Jay and Will.

“Come here, buddy,” Will pats the spot next to him. “sit next to me.”

With Lucky behind him, Logan cuddles up next to his father, wrapping his hands around his father’s arm. Erin and Jay look over and smile at the sweet scene.

Seated on the couch from left to right is Jay, Erin, and Will with Logan cuddled next to him and Lucky laying on the floor beneath them. Turning on the episode of _Power Rangers_ , Will looks around and takes in this moment as he is grateful to be with his son, brother, future sister-in-law, and dog. Despite the challenges of his life, there are still some pretty great moments and this is one of them.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 7:30 P.M.**

“I’m sorry,” Claire spins around on the kitchen stool to face her brother. “I must’ve heard you incorrectly, because I thought I heard you say that you have a date with Will’s brother’s best friend.”

“Oh, come on, Claire.” Connor sits on the edge of the couch. “You know Mouse, you’ve met him before.”

“So I didn’t hear incorrectly.” Claire shakes her head. “I have met Mouse before, more than once, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s Jay’s best friend.”

Connor crosses his arms over his chest. “So?”

“So,” Claire raises her eyebrows. “do you really think it’s a good idea to date him when it hasn’t even been a month since you and Will broke up? How do you think he’s going to react when he finds out?”

“I can’t control how I feel or who I like.” Connor calmly explains. “I just so happen to like Mouse and I frankly don’t give a damn how Will reacts when he finds out. He destroyed our relationship, broke my heart, and I won’t let him keep me from trying to be happy again.”

“And what about Jay and Erin?” Claire challenges. “Do you really think they’re going to be receptive to you dating Mouse? The three of them work together, Jay and Mouse are so close that they’re practically family, and him and Will are the best men at Jay and Erin’s wedding for crying out loud.”

“I know it’s probably not going to be easy for Jay and Erin to accept, but I won’t apologize for my feelings.” Connor takes a seat on the couch. “I care about both of them and I hope that they’ll be okay with it in time. But I’ve spent so much of my life running scared from my feelings and who I was, worried about what you, Dad, our family, my friends and co-workers, and the world basically would think of me. That’s why I was in the closet for so long. And now with everything that happened with Will, I’ve been given a wake up call that I have start putting myself first.”

“I think it’s great that you want to assert control over your life,” Claire joins him on the couch. “and think more of yourself. I know that Jay and Erin care about you as well, but considering the situation, I just want you to be prepared for the fact that they might not handle you dating Mouse that well.”

“Yeah, I know.” Connor turns to his sister. “Do you support it?”

“Connor, you’re my brother and I just want you to be happy.” Claire grabs his hand. “If dating Mouse will make you happy, then I’m all for it. Although once you’ve gone out a few times, I will have to meet him in an official sister capacity to make sure I approve.”

They both laugh. “You got it. Thanks, sis.”

“No problem.” She squeezes his hand. “Now, how about you make us some coffee? It’s been a long day and I need a caffeine pick me up.”

Connor chuckles and stands up. “Coming right up.”

**Scene : 21st District, the next morning (Tuesday), 10 A.M.**

Jay is in the break room fixing himself a cup of coffee when he hears footsteps. Looking up, he sees Mouse walking in.

“Mouse,” Jay sets his coffee down. “what are you doing here? I thought you were taking some time off.”

“I am, I just came by to get my laptop.” Mouse taps on the bag slung over his shoulder. “I’m going stir crazy at home with nothing to do so I told Voight I’d pick up my laptop so I could finish up some of my work from home.”

Jay grabs his coffee and takes a seat at the table. “How have you been feeling since I saw you on Saturday?”

“Good, better.” Mouse takes a seat across from Jay and winces as he moves the wrong way. “Just sore and in some pain. But I’m taking Tylenol, using ice, and resting.”

“That’s good.” Jay takes a sip of his coffee. “You know, Erin’s going out to dinner tonight with her mom so I was thinking maybe I'd swing by with some beer and pizza and we could hang out.”

“I, um,” Mouse hesitates. “I have a date tonight actually.”

“Oh, really?” Jay smirks. “With who?”

Mouse exhales sharply. “With Connor.”

“ ** _Connor?!_** ” Jay practically chokes on his coffee. He coughs for a few seconds before clearing his throat. “Will’s ex fiancé, Connor?”

“One and the same.”

Unsure of what to say, Jay leans back in his chair. “How did this happen?”

“Well, you know that I’m bisexual.”

“I do.”

“Ever since I met Connor, I’ve liked him. I guess you could call it a crush. He’s handsome and a real gentlemen, but I never knew if he was into guys or girls.” Mouse explains. “Then he came out and was dating Will so that was that. When he and Will broke up, I was prepared to just let my feelings go, but something happened when I was in the hospital last week. I was doped up on a lot of pain medicine and I inadvertently told Connor that I like him and I hoped that he and I could try dating now that he’s single again. I didn’t even remember, but Connor asked me about it. I told him the truth and he seemed receptive so I asked him out and he said yes.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Jay puts his hand up. “you, my best friend, are going on a date with my brother’s ex-fiancé. Is that right?”

“It is.”

“I see.” Jay purses his lip. “This is certainly an interesting turn of events.”

Mouse tilts his head. “Are you mad? I mean, you like Connor, right?”

“I do like Connor. I always have, he’s a good guy.” Jay shakes his head. “I’m not mad, Mouse, but this is very awkward. I mean, you and I are best friends and Will’s my brother’s so you dating Connor makes all of this very complicated and puts me squarely in the middle. Plus, if you date Connor, everyone will find out that you’re bisexual. Are you ready for that?”

“I am.” Mouse replies. “It’s time I stop hiding. I see what you and Erin have, what Ethan and Melissa have, even what Will and Connor had, and I want that. And the only way that’s ever going to happen is if I start embracing who I really am, which means letting the world know that I like both guys and girls.”

“And Connor’s the one you’re interested in, huh?”

“He is.” Mouse replies. “I’m sorry for putting you in the middle of an awkward situation, but I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to go on a date with him for quite a while. Connor stopped by my apartment over the weekend to check on me and we just spent some time talking. He’s really sweet and I’m looking forward to our date tonight.”

Jay smiles. “What are you guys doing?”

“We’re going out to see a movie and then having dinner.”

“Well, buddy,” Jay puts his hands behind his head. “I hope you have a good time.”

Mouse clears his throat. “Does that mean you’re okay with it?”

“Not quite.” Jay bites his lip. “But how I feel doesn’t matter. You’re my best friend and I want you to enjoy yourself.”

“Thanks, man.” Mouse stands up, patting Jay on the shoulder. “I’m going to get going, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Let me know how the date goes.”

“Sure thing.”

Jay sighs as Mouse walks out. Connor and Mouse dating, who would’ve thought?

**Scene : Starbucks Coffee, 2:30 P.M.**

Clad in his scrubs, Connor is standing at the bar waiting for his drink. He was in the mood for a caramel macchiato today so he drove to Starbucks on his lunch break to get one.

“I have a grande iced caramel macchiato with whipped cream for Connor.” The barista calls as she sets the drink on the bar.

“Thank you.” Connor grabs his drink, checking to see that they indeed spelled his name correctly with two n’s.

He turns around to grab a straw and some napkins when he hears a familiar voice calling his name.

“Connor.”

Connor turns to his right, where the seating area is, and is surprised to his ex-boyfriend Jesse Fields walking over to him. He is 5’10” with big blue eyes, blonde hair that is a little long and gelled back at the top and faded a little on the sides, and a handsome face. Jesse is wearing black slacks and blue button down shirt where a muscular body can be seen underneath.

“Jesse, hey.” Connor hugs him. “This is a surprise, I thought you moved to California.”

“I did, I’m just in town for a couple of days for work.” Jesse responds. “It’s good to see you, Connor. You look good.”

“Thank you, so do you.” He notices the ring on Jesse’s finger. “Jesse, are you married?”

“Oh, yeah.” Jesse proudly shows Connor his wedding band. “Dan and I got married about six months ago.”

“Wow, that’s great.” Connor smiles. “I’m really happy for you, congratulations.”

“Thanks, how's everything with you?”

“Everything’s good. You know, same old.” Connor checks his watch. “Although I have to get back to work before my break’s over.”

“Of course.” Jesse nods. “We should catch up while I’m in town, maybe dinner or something.”

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’m busy tonight and working tomorrow night, maybe Thursday night.”

“That’s perfect.” James takes out his phone. “Is your number still the same?”

“Yes, it is.” Connor picks up his drink. “I’m sorry, but I gotta run so I’m not late.”

“No problem, I’ll text you and we’ll make plans.”

“That sounds good.” Connor waves as he walks away. “See you later.”

**Scene : Peterson Household, 6 P.M.**

Ethan, Melissa, and Melissa’s mother, Jennifer, are seated at the dining room having dinner. Jennifer is tall with long dark hair and dark eyes.

“Mrs. Peterson, everything is delicious.” Ethan tells Jennifer as he puts some mashed potatoes in his dish. “Thank you so much for having me over.”  
  
“I’m glad you’re enjoying the food.” Jennifer takes a sip of her wine. “It is a pleasure to have you over, Ethan, and to finally meet you as well.”

“You too, Mrs. Peterson.”

Melissa reaches her hand for the bowl string beans and bangs her knee against the table, which causes her dish to spring up and splatter against her blouse.

“Oh, shit!” Melissa exclaims as she stands up. Ethan and Jennifer quickly stand up as Melissa tries to salvage her blouse.

“Ugh, this is gonna stain.” Melissa groans. “I’m gonna go throw this in the laundry and change.”

Ethan turns to Melissa. “Do you need help, honey?”

“No, I’m good.” Melissa kisses him. “I’ll be right back.”

Jennifer walks back into the dining room with some paper towels to clean the remnants of Melissa’s meal that splattered.

“Here, let me help,” Ethan offers, grabbing a handful of paper towels from the roll on the table.

“Thanks.”

They clean the table and throw everything away before retaking their seats.

“You know, Ethan, before Melissa comes back, I just want to tell you how glad I am that you and my daughter have met.” Jennifer smiles. “I haven’t seen her like this in a long time. Melissa was so heartbroken after her brothers died and losing them really changed her. She had to be strong for me, she dove into her work to deal with the pain, and even as I got stronger, Melissa never came up for air. She became very closed off, spending all of her time at home and at work, which was very unlike her. But, all of that changed when she met you. Melissa’s opened up again, she’s stopped burying herself in her work, she’s going out and having fun, and she just seems genuinely happy again and so much more like herself. You’ve basically reawakened my daughter, Ethan, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you brought my daughter back from that dark place she was in.”

Ethan is surprised to hear this. He never knew it had gotten so bad for Melissa after her brothers died, she only discussed the impact that it had on her mother. “Mrs. Peterson, there’s no need to thank me because I am very happy I was able to help Melissa. She’s very special to me and I care about her very much. Truth be told, she’s also helped me through a rough time. I’ve been suffering from PTSD since ending my tour in the military, struggling to form relationships and find my place in the world the last two years, and I’ve tried therapy, but it didn’t really help me like meeting your daughter did. Melissa sees me in a way no one ever has, I don’t have to hide anything with her. Due to her father and brothers, she understands military life so I don’t have to hide my anxiety or PTSD when we’re together and she knows how to comfort me and help me through it. She's also so kind, caring, compassionate, and there’s such a high level of comfort between us that it’s hard to believe we haven’t been dating that long. Because of Melissa, I’m no longer afraid to be who I am, PTSD flashback issues and all, because I know that she accepts me for exactly who I am. So in a way she’s reawakened me, too, and I feel alive and happy again for the first time since I initially went overseas.”

Touched by Ethan’s word, Jennifer wipes away a single tear. “That’s beautiful, Ethan. Sometimes people comes into each other’s lives at the right time and based on what you said, I think that's the case with you and Melissa. You guys found one another when you needed somebody the most and changed each other’s lives for the better. Everything Melissa told me about you is true, you’re a wonderful, honest, sweet, respectable gentlemen and I’m so thrilled you’re dating my daughter.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Peterson.”

“I’m back.” Melissa announces, walking back into the dining room with fresh clothes on, and taking her seat. “What did I miss?”

“Uh, nothing. Your mom and I were just talking.” Ethan picks up Melissa’s plate and stands up. “Here, let me grab you some food.”

“Thanks, babe.”

Jennifer puts some butter on her baked potato. “I was just about to ask Ethan if he’d like to come to the cemetery with us the next time we visit your dad and brothers. What do you think, Melissa?”

“I think that’s a great idea, Mom.”

Serving spoon in hand, a caught off guard Ethan spins his head towards Jennifer. “Really?”

“Absolutely.” Jennifer replies, taking a bite of the pork roast. “Assuming you’d want to, of course.”

“Yes, absolutely.” Ethan shakes his head. “I’d be honored, thank you.”

He takes a seat and hands Melissa her plate, now full of food.

“Thanks.”

“I propose a toast,” Jennifer raises her glass. “to both of you. May this be the first of many many meals we share together. Cheers!”

“Cheers!”

The three of them clink their glasses together and then Melissa and Ethan kiss before they continue eating. Jennifer smiles, it’s so great to see her daughter happy again.

**Scene : Applebee's, 6:30 P.M.**

Mouse and Connor are sitting at one of the high top tables behind the bar.

“I did enjoy the movie.” Connor sips his beer. “I’ve been wanting to see _La La Land_ , especially since it won all those awards and received so much critical acclaim.”

“I did, too.” Mouse nervously looks down at his burger. “I wasn’t really sure what you liked so I hope that a movie and dinner wasn’t too cliché of a date.”

“No, not at all.” Connor cuts his steak. “I actually think a movie and dinner is a good first date.”

Mouse breaths a sigh of relief. “Ok, that’s good.”

“Yeah.” Connor eats a piece of his steak. “The movie serves as a topic of conversation if things are awkward during dinner, but to be honest, I’ve felt comfortable all night. I just hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable when I held your hand during the movie.”

“You didn’t.” Mouse smirks, taking a bite of his burger. “I thought it was sweet, actually. I wanted to reach for your hand, but I was too nervous. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I tend to be a shy guy.”

“I know that, Mouse.” Connor leans forward. “I like that you’re a little quieter than me, it’s that modesty and realness that I like about you. Plus, I find it endearing that you don’t know how sexy you actually are.”

Mouse raises his eyebrows. “You think that I’m sexy?”

Connor chuckles. “I do.”

Mouse blushes. “God, my heart is racing so fast right now.”

“So is mine.” Connor grabs Mouse’s hand and leans in towards him. “I never noticed how beautiful you eyes are, Mouse.”

Back at the front entrance, Will walks in, clad in his scrubs, and over to the hostess station.

“Good evening, sir.” The hostess greets him. “How many?”

“I’ve actually here to pick up an order I called in.”

“Ok, sure. All pickups are at the bar.” She points him towards the bar. “Over there.”

Will nods. “Thank you.”

He walks over the bar and is greeted by the male bartender.

“Hey, man. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Uh, no, thanks,” Will responds. “The lady over there said this is where orders are picked up.”

“Ah, yes.” The bartender taps on the computer screen. “What’s your name?”

“Will Halstead.”

The bartender scrolls the list on his screen. “Here it is. Your order’s almost ready, it’ll be right out.”

“Thanks.”

The bartender steps away to help another customer.

Will pulls out his phone to send a text to Ashley.

_Will: I’m at Applebee’s picking up dinner for me and Logan, are you sure don’t anything?_

_Ashley: No, I’m good, thank you._

_Will: Okay, no problem. I’ll be home soon._

Will puts his phone away and looks around the restaurant. He sees the news playing on the television at the bar and when he looks at the table behind the bar, his eyes widen at what he sees. No, that can’t be right!

Hands intertwined, Connor and Mouse’s lips are locked together in a tender kiss.

Will feels his heart drop to the floor as the scene unfolds in front of him. _How…how could this happening? Connor is really moving on, he was such an idiot to hold onto hope on rekindling their romance after what happened. He pushed Connor away, this is his punishment. But for Connor to move on with Connor, Jay’s best friend, how did that happen? And since when is Mouse into guys, anyway?_

Will’s thoughts are interrupted as the bartender sets a bag in front of him. “Your order’s up, man. That’ll be $22.45.”

“Here you go.” A distracted Will hands the bartender his credit card.

After the bartenders swipes his card, Will signs the receipt and puts his credit card away.

"Have a good night, man. Enjoy.”

“Uh, thank you.” A confused and upset Will picks up the bag and walks out, the image of the Mouse and Connor kissing burned into his brain. His ex-fiancé dating his brother’s best friend, talk about a cruel punishment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Please review.
> 
> 2.) 2.) Please check out the Pinterest board for this chapter: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-65/


	66. Discovering the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) My apologies for the delays with posting new chapters. I am in the middle of a busy grad school semester, plus work, so I don't have as much time to write as I once did. But, I am still committed to this story and I will be continuing to write and update whenever possible because there is still more to come.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my other Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 2 days later (Thursday), 8 A.M.**

Clad in his scrubs, Will is sitting at the kitchen counter having breakfast. He still can’t believe he saw Connor and Mouse out on a date. Good thing Dr. Neal had an available appointment during lunch today because Will really needs someone to talk to.

He shakes his head as the bathroom door opens.

“Dad,” Logan calls. “where are you?”

“Right here, champ.” Will walks into the hallway. “You washed your hands, right?”

“Yup.”

“Very good.” Will bends down and picks up Logan in his arms. “Let’s have some breakfast before Ms. Ashley gets here and I have to leave for work. Do you want cereal or toast with jelly?”

“Can I have Rice Krispies with blueberries?” Logan asks as Will carries him into the kitchen.

“You got it, buddy.” Will sets Logan down at the one of the stools at the kitchen counter. “Apple juice or orange juice?”

“Apple, please.”

Will pours Logan a glass of apple juice and then takes out the Rice Krispies, milk, blueberries, and a cereal bowl.

“Here you go, buddy.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Logan excitedly pours the Rice Krispies into his bowl and then adds the milk and blueberries.

Will smiles as he joins his son at the kitchen counter.

“What are you having, Dad?”

“This,” Will holds up his bagel. “is a bagel with cream cheese, and a cup of coffee.”

“Coffee?” Logan repeats the word. “What’s that?”

“It’s a drink that gets adults through their long days by giving them energy and helping them be nice to people who don’t deserve it.”

Logan gives his father a confused look, which causes Will to laugh. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Logan shrugs and returns to his cereal when Lucky comes into the kitchen barking.

“Lucky!” Logan greets him with a smile. “I think he wants to have breakfast with us, Dad.”

“I think you’re right.” Will bends down to pet Lucky before filling his food bowl.

He sits back to finish his breakfast when there is a knock at the apartment door.

“That must be Ms. Ashley.”

Putting his dishes in the sink, Will walks over to answer the door.

“Good morning, Ashley.” Will steps aside as she enters the apartment. “How are you?”

“Good morning, Will.” Ashley takes off her jacket. “I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m good, too, thanks.”

“Hi, Ms. Ashley!” Logan shouts from the kitchen. “I’m so happy you’re here!”

“Hey, sweetie.” Ashley walks into the kitchen and Logan gives her a hug. “I’m happy to see you, too.”

“Ok, well, now that you’re here,” Will checks to make sure he has his phone, keys, and wallet. “I have to get going. Lucky hasn’t been walked yet so he’ll probably need a walk within an hour.”

“No problem, I got it.”

“Thank you.” Will puts his jacket on and walks over to his son. “I’m going to work, bud. You be good for Ms. Ashley. I’ll see you tonight.” He leans down to hug Logan.

“Okay, Dad. See you later.”

“If you need anything, Ashley,” Will walks towards the door. “you can call or text me. I’ll check my phone.”

“Everything will be fine, Will.” Ashley assures him. “Don’t worry, have a good day.”

“Thank you.” Will waves at Logan. “Bye, buddy.”

“Bye, Dad.”

Ashley closes the door behind Will and walks into the kitchen, taking a seat at the counter with Logan.

“Are you ready for a fun day, me, you, and Lucky?”

Mouth full of cereal, Logan nods.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 1 P.M.**

Connor and Natalie are sitting on the roof having lunch.

“Wait,” Natalie puts her hand up. “Mouse is into guys?”

“Yes.” Connor takes a bite of his pizza. “He’s bisexual, but never said anything.”

“So, how did you find you? And how did you wind up going on a date with him?”

“Well, Mouse admitted it to me when he was in the hospital and doped up on all that pain medicine we had him on. He inadvertently told me that he’s always liked me and wanted a chance to date me now that I was single again. I wasn’t sure if he was just delusional, so I asked him once his head was clear, and it was true. He then asked me out and I said yes so we went out the other night.”

“That’s an interesting development.” Natalie takes a sip of her soda. “I knew you wanted to move on, but I never would’ve guessed it would be with Mouse.”

“I know it’s not exactly ideal because he’s Jay’s best friend,” Connor tries to put this right way. “but you can’t help who you fall for. Mouse is handsome and sweet and we had a great time on our date.”

“Well, that’s what matters most.” Natalie takes a bite of her sandwich. “Are you seeing him again?”

“Yeah, we’re going out again on Sunday.” Connor clears his throat. “You know, I was in Riyadh for four years so I’ve only ever dated two guys seriously. So my date with Mouse was a whole new experience for me. I took time picking out my clothes, I was anxious to see Mouse and what he was going to wear, and I felt my pulse racing & heart beating fast when we were together, when he touched me, and when we kissed. It was like a whole new, very exciting adventure that I can’t wait to continue on our next date.”

“That’s really great, Connor.” Natalie smiles. “Dating can be fun and exciting, I’m glad you’re getting to experience that.”

“Thanks, Nat.” Connor eats a French fry. “How are things with you and Jeff?”

“Things are great.” Natalie enthusiastically replies. “We exchanged keys and we’re having dinner with Helen tonight.”

“Really? Whose idea was that?”

“It was Helen’s, actually.” Natalie replies. “She really liked Jeff when she met him and she knows we are getting pretty serious so she wants to get to know him better.”

“That’s so great, Natalie.” Connor smiles. “I’m glad Helen’s coming around.”

“Me, too.” She checks her watch. “You’re not working the night shift tonight, right?”

“No, I have dinner plans with Jesse.” Connor replies, causing Natalie to raise her eyebrows. “You remember my ex-boyfriend Jesse, right?”

“I do.” Natalie purses her lips. “I thought you said he moved to California with his fiancé.”

“They’re actually married now and yes, they do live in California. Jesse’s in Chicago for work for a few days. I ran into him at Starbucks earlier in the week so we’re just having dinner to catch up.”

“Is that gonna be weird for you?” Natalie curiously inquires. “Catching up with your now married ex-boyfriend, given your history?”

“No, not at all.” Connor shakes his head. “I’m really happy that Jesse’s found someone and is married. He’s a great guy who I treated horribly and he deserves all the happiness in the world. I’m just glad we’re in a good place, our history behind us, that we can get together as friends to catch up.”

“I always liked Jesse. And thanks to that conversation I accidentally walked in when he was here after his car accident last year, I found out you were gay. Once that secret finally stopped holding you back, you and I were able to become best friends.”

“That feels like a long time ago,” Connor reaches for her hand. “but I think we were always meant to become best friends.”

She squeezes his hand. “Me, too.”

**Scene : Connor's Apartment, 7 P.M.**

As Connor and Jesse walk into the apartment, Connor flips on the light.

“Here,” Connor extends his arm. “let me take your jacket and hang it in the closet.”

“Oh, thanks.” Jesse takes off his jacket and hands it to Connor. “It was nice of you to invite me back here, but we could've had coffee and dessert at the restaurant.”

“Don't be silly, Jesse. We're old friends catching up and we don't have to do that at the restaurant.” Connor replies. “You're going back to California on Saturday so this way we can take our time.” He hangs their jackets in the closet. “Come on, I'll make some coffee.”

Jesse follows Connor into the kitchen where Connor motions for him to take a seat at the kitchen counter.

“So, tell me more about Dan.” Connor opens the kitchen cabinet and pulls out the can of coffee. “What does he do again?”

“He's in advertising, he’s the manager at his ad agency.”

“Hm,” Connor plugs the coffee in. “that sounds like a cool field.”

“It is. Dan's been into advertising since he was young, but the field is really competitive so there's always a lot of pressure to push things to the next level.” Jesse explains. “Especially with all the technology out there, the need to stay ahead of everyone else and being creative is more important than ever.”

“I can imagine. You guys must be very busy with your respective careers, advertising and journalism. Do you get to spend a lot of time together?”

“We do.” Jesse nods. “We made a promise to each other before we got married that we would never let our careers come before our relationship. It’s definitely not easy, we fight and struggle like everyone else. Yet whether it's planning a date night on the weekends or having lunch or dinner together during the week or whatever it is, we make the time. I love Dan and he loves me, and we're both committed to making this marriage last and being together forever, so it's all worth it."

Connor smiles. “I'm really happy to hear that because that's what you deserve, Jesse.”

“Thanks, Connor.” Jesse smiles. “It's nice to be able to hang out with you as a friend and talk about all this. The truth is that if you had asked a year ago if I'd ever see us being friends, I'd tell you that you were crazy. But I'm glad we cleared the air last time, got through everything, and can be friends now.”

“I am, too.”

The coffee machine makes a sound to indicate that the coffee is finished percolating.

“Ah, coffee's done.”

Connor stands up and returns with two cups of coffee, milk, sugar, and a box of cookies.

“I don't have much for dessert, just some cookies that my cousins brought me.”

“Those are fine.” Jesse fixes up his coffee with milk and sugar. “I’m not picky.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “Mm, now that is good coffee. You always did make good coffee.”

Connor laughs. “Thanks.”

“You know, I'm really glad to hear about how you and your dad repaired your relationship.” Jesse dunks a cookie into his coffee. “When we were together, you didn't talk about him much, but when you did, I always saw how painful it was for you.”

“Thanks, it feels really great to have my family back.” Connor sips his coffee. “I felt so alone after my mom died, like I lost my entire family, but now I have both my dad and my sister back in my life.”

“Despite the challenges, a lot of good things can happen when you finally stop hiding and are open about your sexuality.” Jesse sips his coffee. “I can’t tell how you how proud I was when you finally came out and started owning who you were.”

“Thanks. It took a long time to finally get there, but it was definitely worth it. To not have to hide a part of myself anymore is the most incredible feeling, as you know from your own coming out.” Connor looks down. “I just wish I had been brave enough to do it four years earlier so I wouldn’t have broken your heart.”

“Connor,” Jesse puts his hand up. “you don’t have to go there. We went through all this last time. I understand, all’s forgiven, and it’s all in the past. Seriously.”

“I wonder sometimes what would’ve happened if I had never left to Riyadh.” Connor won’t meet Jesse’s gaze. “What would’ve happened if I had stayed, if you and I would’ve made it.”

“I used to I wonder that, too.”

Connor looks up. “Do you think we would’ve made it?”

“I'm not sure, Connor.” Jesse sadly replies. “I just know that I loved you very much and I was planning on proposing.”

Connor is taken aback as he feels his pulse start to race. “You…you were going to propose?”

“I was.” Jesse holds his cup of coffee in his hands. “I originally planned to do it on our one year anniversary, but I thought it was too soon so I waited. Things continued to go well with us so I had it set to propose on our one year and three month anniversary, but then you left.”

“Jesse…I…” Connor stumbles with his words. “I-I had no idea, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Connor.” Jesse shakes his head. “Really, it’s fine. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to be, I truly believe that. Besides, I don’t think us getting engaged would’e been a good idea anyway.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and I realize now why we didn’t work out as a couple.” Jesse explains. “For so long, I just thought it was that you didn't love me as much as I loved you. But, in reality, the real problem was that we were in very different places at the time. I was out, proud, and ready to be in a serious relationship and engaged. You, on the other hand, were struggling with your sexuality, dealing with it on your own terms, and you weren’t prepared for the same level of commitment that I was. You did love me, I know that, but you weren’t ready to be out to the world and for a serious relationship in the same way that I was. After we saw each other last time, I finally realized that it wasn’t your lack of love for me that kept you from coming out or committing to me the same way I was to you, it was all about you and where you were in your life with your sexuality. I just didn’t understand it at the time. That’s why asking you to marry me wouldn’t have been fair because I think I would’ve forced you out of the closet when you weren’t ready and that is never what I would’ve wanted.”

“Wow, Jesse.” Connor exhales deeply. “For you to understand my perspective in a situation where I broke your heart, that I loved you but was afraid of coming out and acted out of that fear, is more than I deserve.”

“It’s because I care about you, Connor, and I always will.” Jesse takes a deep breath. “And because of that, I have to tell you that I’m concerned to hear about what’s happened with you and Will.”

“You’re sweet, but you don’t have to concerned.” Connor tries to reassure Jesse. “Losing Will was very painful, but he broke my heart and pushed me away. It’s been almost a month, I’m healing every day and am moving on. I’m even seeing someone new, like I told you, so you don’t have to be concerned because I’m honestly doing fine.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Connor’s face contorts with confusion. “So then what did you mean?”

“I fully recognize Will’s role in this situation and am not seeking to minimize it in anyway.” Jesse tries to put this delicately. “I’m concerned because I know you and what happened is not you. As everything was going with Will and Logan, you sat back very passively and let it happen. You didn’t fight, you didn’t say anything until the very end, you watched it happen day after day without saying a word until the breaking point was reached. And that is _not_ you, Connor.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Connor shouts, standing up. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Jesse. You didn’t live through it like I did.”

“I’m not trying to upset you, but when you and I dated, one of the things I was attracted to most about you was the passionate, fighting spirit you have.” Jesse tries to explain. “When you disliked something or disagreed with someone or something that was said, you never hesitated to express that. Even when it was me. I’m sure you’ll remember that was the source of many of our fights.”

Arms crossed, Connor is listening intently. “I do.”

“Our biggest fight, if you recall, was when we my mom invited us to her retirement party. I thought she wanted to finally bury the hatchet after nearly four years of not speaking because she reacted poorly to my coming out, but you were so dead set against it. Everything I told you about her made you so angry that you didn’t want to go. _Refused_ to go, actually. We argued for days, back and forth, running circles around the subject, until I wound up going alone. And do you remember what happened?”

Connor sighs, sitting back down. “You were right.” His voice is very soft. “Your mom did want to bury the hatchet, I was just too stubborn to see beyond my anger of what she did to consider that it was a real possibility. I missed out on the opportunity of meeting your mother and being there when you and her repaired your relationship. You didn’t speak to me for almost a week, you were so pissed, I thought you were going to break up with me.”

“I didn't, though. It took time, but I came around and forgave you because I understood where you were coming from. You loved me and were trying to protect me because you didn’t want her to potentially hurt me again when I saw her. I respected that because that fighting spirit was characteristic of who you were, I just had to get beyond my own anger.”

“Right.” Connor nods. “But, I still don’t understand what this has to do with Will.”

“It has to do with Will because you didn’t for your relationship, Connor. You sat back watching everything fall apart and didn’t lift a finger to stop it.” Jesse attempts to connect the dots. “You told me yourself that you knew Will was cutting you out of co-parenting Logan and that he was undermining your authority in front of Logan before the breaking point was reached. Why didn’t you say something the first time it happened to stop it before it got worse?”

“I…” Connor is at a loss of words. “I…I don’t know.”

“I think it’s because you were scared of something.” Jesse leans forward. “The same way you were scared of coming out that you went to Riyadh and ended our relationship. In both cases, it was easier than facing the reality of your fears.”

“This doesn’t sound right, Jesse.” Connor shakes his head. “How could I be scared, but not know what I scared of?”

“I learned this technique in therapy, a thought projection exercise to hope me cope with stress and personal problems, and I think it might help. Do you want to give it a shot?”

Connor nods. “Yeah, let’s give it a shot.”

“Ok, close your eyes and take deep breaths.”

Connor does so and Jesse continues. “Think back and remember what you were feeling when we were fighting and you didn’t want to go my mom’s party. Put yourself back in those shoes, be that Connor again, full of that passion and fight standing up for what you believe in. Do you have it?”

“Yes.”

“Now think of one of the first times when Will undermines you in front of Logan or or when Will dismisses you role as his co-parent. Can you picture it?”

Eyes still closed, Connor breathes deep. “I can.”

“Okay, good. The final step is take the version of yourself who didn’t want to go to my mom’s party and put him in that situation with Will.” Jesse instructs Connor. “You’re watching him do these things, undermine you, dismiss you, but you don’t call him on his shit. Why don’t you?”

Connor exhales. “Because I’m scared of losing him.” He opens his eyes. “Oh, my God, that's it! I was scared of pushing Will too hard when it came to Logan. I was worried that if I was too assertive, that if I questioned him too much or was too involved, that he would resent me. Will had just found out he had a son, he was adjusting to this big change and he was trying to figure out how to be a father, and I didn’t want to make it worse by attempting to assert my authority over his. I wanted Will to feel like I supported him, not like I was against him. I didn’t want Will to feel like he had to choose between me and Logan, because I was scared that if it came down to it, he would pick Logan over me and that I’d lose him.”

He stands up and runs his hands through his hair. “Holy shit, Jesse, this is unbelievable! How…how could I have not known all this time? I blamed Will for everything, he has shouldered the entire responsibility for our breakup, but I’m just as responsible. I didn’t fight, I was too scared of losing Will to even try so I just gave up, and that’s just as bad.”

“Fear can be very debilitating,” Jesse walks over to Connor. “especially when we don’t understand how or why the fear’s controlling our actions.”

Connor leans against the kitchen counter. “How did you know that this is what it was?”

“When you told me what happened with Will, it just didn’t sound like you, the guy I dated with the strong, passionate fighting spirit.” Jesse puts his hands in his pockets. “Rather, it sounded like the scared guy who ran to Riyadh so that’s what got me thinking.”

“I’ve gone through my breakup with Will on my own. With my dad, my sister, my cousins, but none of us saw what you saw you did.” Connor takes a deep breath. “If it weren’t for you, I never would’ve discovered the truth and realized the role that I played.”

“Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes is needed to see a situation from a different perspective ”

“It’s more than that.” Connor insists. “You know me so well, Jesse, that you knew right away that my actions were out of character. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

“No need to repay me.” Jesse shakes his head. “I’m just happy to help.”

“Can I at least give you a hug to say thank you?”

“I’d actually be pretty offended if you didn’t,” Jesse jokes. “so you better.”

They both laugh and hug. They’ve come such a long way, from partners to hostile exes to now friends, and it’s this connection between them that allowed Jesse to help Connor see the truth about his breakup with Will.

“Come on,” Connor motions to the counter. “let’s finish our coffee.”

They retake their seats at the kitchen counter as Connor’s mind wanders. _This revelation has changed everything, what is he doing to do now?_

**Scene : Will's Apartment, 8:30 P.M.**

Wearing a jacket and pair of gloves, an apprehensive Connor knocks on the front door.

“Coming.” A voice from inside calls that Connor recognizes as Will's.

He takes a deep breath to brace himself as the front door opens to reveal Will.

“Connor.” A surprised Will leans against the door. “What are you-what are you doing here?”

“I, um,” Connor starts to respond, but is interrupted by another voice from inside the apartment calling out.

“Will, is that our food? How much do I owe you?”

A stunned Connor gasps when Will turns around to respond and he sees James standing in the kitchen.

Before Will can turn back around, Connor quickly walks off. _This is too much, coming here was a mistake. He's moved on and it seems Will has, too. Even with his discovery tonight, moving on is still what he wants...right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	67. Better Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) My apologies again for the delays with posting new chapters, I am very busy with grad school and work. But, I am focused on this story and I will be continuing to write and update whenever possible because there is still more to come.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my other Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, the next morning (Friday), 9 A.M.**

Will and Ethan are sitting in the break room before their shift starts.

“How’s Logan doing?” Ethan asks as he leans back in his seat and yawns. “Sorry, I worked late and am tired.”

“No worries.” Will uses a napkin to wipe some cream cheese off his lip. “Logan’s good. I hit the jackpot because he is like the best son you could ever want: fun, friendly, sweet, and warm. I love him so much and I look forward to going home every night to see him.”

“Do you ever wish you were raising him with his mom?”

“I do.” Will sighs. “It’s sad because Logan turned out to be such a great kid because Amanda was an excellent mother and I know he misses her. I just hope I’ll continue to be enough for him as he gets older.”

“I’m sure you will.” Ethan tries to comfort his friend. “Plus, you have Erin and Natalie, who you know will be there if Logan ever needs a woman to talk to.”

“Yeah, I know.” Will sadly replies. “He Skypes with his grandma in Massachusetts almost everyday and we talk about his mom a lot. I don’t ever want him to forget her.”

“You’re doing everything right, Will. All Logan needs is to know that you’re always there for him.”

“Thanks.”

Ethan’s phone beeps and he pulls it out of his pocket.

**_Melissa: Hey, babe. I have about a half hour before my meeting, wanna join me for breakfast in my office?_ **

**_Ethan: Yeah, I’ll be right up._ **

“Sorry to cut this short, but that was Melissa. I haven’t seen her in a few days and she wants me to join her for breakfast upstairs. Do you mind?”

Will chuckles. “Not at all. Go see your girl, I’ll see you later.”

“Thanks.”

Ethan stands up and walks out, crossing paths with Natalie in the hallway.

She then enters the break room and greets Will.

“Good morning, Will.”

“Good morning, Nat.”

Natalie walks over to her locker to put her stuff away. “How was your night? I never heard back from you.”

“Sorry about that.” Will calls to Natalie. “I was a little busy.”

Natalie walks over to the counter to pour herself a cup of coffee. “Is everything alright with Logan?”

“Oh, yeah, Logan’s fine.” Will responds. “James actually came over last night, that's why I was busy.”

“Really?” Natalie joins Will at the table. “I thought you weren't interested in pursuing things with him.”

“Yeah, that was how I felt originally, but then I realized that it’s foolish to hold onto the hope of rekindling my relationship with Connor.” Will explains. “Even though it’s hard to accept, it's clear that Connor and I will never be again because the damage done is irreparable. I have to move on and I can’t let my inability to do so keep me from something I’ve wanted on some level for the last eight years, which is to be with James again. Once I realized that, I asked my brother and Erin to watch Logan for a few hours. James then came over and we ordered in food and talked through everything. It was a good night, very open and honest. We’re back together, but have agreed to take it slowly due to our history.”

“And you’re sure this is what you want?”

“I am.” Will nods. “As I mentioned before, I’ve always carried a torch for James and being with him again is something I’ve always wanted. I love Connor, but my feelings for James are undeniable. In addition to being hot, he’s a wonderful, sweet, smart guy, and he just makes me happy. If I’m being honest, I think I was hesitant to start things up with him because I’m scared to be vulnerable after what happened the last time we were together. You know that I don’t like being vulnerable, but I genuinely think he’s a different person and I believe everything he’s said about his regrets and his feelings for me. I want to move on, I want to be with James, but we just have to take things at a reasonable pace and re-establish our connection and build the bonds of trust again.”

“Well, then, I’m very happy for you, Will.” Natalie smiles. “You deserve to be happy. Although, I must meet James soon and give my final approval.”

Will laughs. “You got it.”  

**Scene : Chicago Med, 2 P.M.**

Connor is sitting on the roof, finishing his lunch, when he hears the door open.

“There you are.”

Connor turns and sees Will walking towards him. “Will, what brings you up here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Will zips his jacket up. “about how you came by my apartment last night.”

Connor looks directly at Will. “You mean _our_ former apartment.”

“Well, you moved out so it’s my apartment now.” Will corrects him. “So, why’d you come by?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Connor shrugs. “You were with James.”

“Oh, so that’s why you walked off before I turned back around.” Will knowingly nods. “I had a feeling, but I wasn’t sure.”

Connor looks down. “Are you two back together?”

“Why do you care?” Will chuckles. “You’ve moved on, I saw you on a date with Mouse the other night.”

Connor gasps in surprise as his face becomes flushed and his heart starts beating fast. “You…you saw us?”

“I did.” Will calmly replies. “It’s not like you were at some private restaurant, you were at Applebee’s. I was there picking up dinner and saw you two kissing.”

“I had no idea.” Connor takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry, Will. I didn’t want you to find out like that. At the very least, I wanted to tell you myself to lessen the blow.”

“Lessen the blow?” Will scoffs. “You’re moving on with my brother’s best friend. There’s an entire city of guys and you chose Mouse, I don’t think anything you could’ve done would’ve lessened the blow.”

“I didn’t choose Mouse,” Connor tries to defend himself. “it just kind of happened.”

“I don’t need details, please.” Will puts his hand up. “Besides, James and I are back together so you’re not the only moving on.”

“And you think that was easy for me to see?” Connor challenges Will. “I know how deeply you’ve always felt for James and to see you and him together hurt. As much as I hate to admit it, it made me jealous so I know how you felt when you saw me with Mouse.”

“Jealous?!” Will practically shouts. “Jealous doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. Ever since we broke up, I’ve been holding onto this idea that there was still a chance for us. That, despite what happened, you and I would find our way back to each other. But, it was so stupid on my part to hold out hope. I was crushed when I saw you and Mouse together, it felt like my heart was going to fall out of my chest. The image of you two kissing is burned into my brain and the worst part is that I deserve it. This is my karmic payback for what I did to you.”

“Oh, Will.” Connor shakes his head and takes a seat on the edge of the roof. “This is why I came by your apartment last night. I came to tell you that I was wrong to place the blame for our breakup entirely on your shoulders. It wasn’t just you, I was at fault, too.”

“Huh?” Will thinks he’s hearing incorrectly. “Is this some kind of trick?”

“No, it’s not. My ex-boyfriend Jesse is in town, he’s married now, and we had dinner last night. He helped me realize that I played a big part in our relationship crumbling. The blame isn’t and should never have been yours to carry alone, I just couldn’t see it until Jesse helped.”

Will’s face contorts in confusion. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you pushed me away by undermining me and dismissing my role as my co-parent, but I allowed all of that. And that’s not who I am. At my core, I am someone who is strong-willed and who always passionately fights for what I believe in, but I didn’t do that in our situation. I sat back passively and let all of this happen until the point of no return because I was scared.” Connor explains. “I was scared of overstepping when it came to Logan, of pushing too hard and losing you. You had just found out Logan was your son, you were adjusting to being a father, and I didn’t want you to resent me or make it worse by challenging you, questioning you, or asserting too much of my own authority. So I let you treat me the way you did for weeks, fully aware you were undermining me and dismissing me and that I wasn’t pushing back against it, because I wanted you to feel like I supported you as you learned how to be a parent. I didn’t want it to get to the point that I was saying or doing too much regarding Logan that you felt like you had to choose between us because I was scared you’d choose him since he’s your son and that I’d lose you.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Will tries to make sense of this. “you’re saying that you were too scared of losing me that you didn’t fight for our relationship, which led to our breakup anyway?”

“Basically.”

“I’m sorry,” Will shakes his head. “but that is completely circular reasoning.”

“It’s hard to put into words,” Connor attempts to explain again. “but the simple fact is that I didn’t fight to keep us together when I knew that your actions were driving us apart. I should’ve, but I didn’t, so I’m just as much responsible for our breakup as you are. The blame isn’t solely yours, it’s ours to share equally.”

“I do appreciate this, Connor,” Will clears his throat. “but after I saw you and Mouse together, I went to see Dr. Neal and our session helped me find some perspective.”

“What kind of perspective?”

“Dr. Neal explained that Logan coming into my life was the ultimate test of our relationship. He changed the dynamic of our relationship in a way that neither of us properly understood nor were prepared for and that’s why we fell apart. He was my flesh and blood, I missed out on five years of his life, and we weren’t strong enough as a couple to get through that.” Will calmly explains. “Maybe we are both to blame, but it’s clear that we weren't cut out to be co-parents, let alone to be in a relationship.”

“I’m not following,” Connor furrows his brow. “what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you were right to break up with me.” Will sighs. “You remember as well as I do how hard we worked at our relationship long before Logan came along. Our underlying issues had nothing to do with Logan, they were about you and me, and it took months of the therapy to get through them. Learning I had a son simply exacerbated everything, drawing us further apart than we were before and negating all the progress we made in therapy.”

He clears his throat and continues. “The truth is that I don’t think we were ever a good match, Connor. I love you, and I know you love me, but I honestly feel like our breakup was inevitable. Logan coming into the picture just made it happen sooner rather than later.”

“Wow,” A stunned Connor runs his hands through his hair. “is that really how you feel?”

“It is.” Will sadly replies. “I’m sorry, but I think we’re better off apart and that it’s important we both move on.”

Mind racing, Connor takes a seat to gather his thoughts. “Well, then I hope you and James are happy.”

“You and Mouse, too.” He stands up. “See you later.”

Will walks off leaving Connor sitting there. He swallows hard as a wave of emotions hit him. _Is Will right? Were they were never a good match, making their breakup inevitable?_

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 5 P.M.**

Will opens the door to find Logan and Ashley sitting in the living room.

“Dad!” Logan jumps off the couch and runs over to Will.

“Hey there, buddy.” Will quickly drops his stuff and scoops his son up in his arms. “Hey, Ashley.”

“Hey, Will.” Ashley greets him as she pulls Lucky onto her lap. “You’re home early, I thought you said you wouldn’t be home until 6.”

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you that I was getting off early.” Will responds as he sets Logan down and walks into the kitchen. “Someone’s coming over to have dinner with me and Logan so I gotta get ready.”

“Oh, are Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin coming for dinner?” Logan asks as he runs back into the living room to play with Lucky. “I miss them!”

“No, buddy, it’s someone you don’t know.” Will opens up the refrigerator. “We’ll see Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin soon.”

Ashley joins Will in the kitchen. “Now that you’re home, I’m just gonna clean up and getting going.

“Before you go, I could use your opinion.” Will opens the kitchen cabinet and pulls out a large bowl. “I’m making pasta with broccoli and string beans for dinner. Do you think I should make a salad, too?”

“Yeah, I think that pairs well.” Ashley takes a seat at the counter. “You certainly seem to be going all out.”

“Um, yeah.” Will coyly responds, as he looks down and starts cutting up the broccoli. “It’s sort of an important night.”

“First time Logan’s meeting your new boyfriend, huh?”

“Wait, what?” Will is taken aback and looks up suddenly. “How…how did you know?”

“I just had a feeling.” Ashley replies. “You making this big dinner, telling Logan someone he doesn’t know is coming over. Call it woman’s intuition.”

“You’re right.” Will lowers his voice so Logan doesn’t hear. “My new boyfriend is coming over for dinner and it’s his first time meeting Logan so I just want everything to be perfect.”

He bows his head in shame. “I know what you must be thinking since Connor and I originally hired you and it’s only a month since we broke up a month ago and I’m already with someone new.”

“I’m not thinking anything of the sort.” Ashley puts her hand on his arm. “It’s not my place to pass judgement. After what I went through with my divorce, I know better than anyone that relationships end and you have to move on once they do. I consider you to be my friend, in addition to my employer and I’m glad you’re doing just that and that you’re with someone new. You’re a good guy, Will, a great father to Logan, and you should be with someone that makes you happy.”

Will looks up and smiles. “Thanks, Ashley.”

“You know, I don’t have any plans tonight, so how about I help you prepare everything before I go?” Ashley offers. “I haven’t cooked much since my divorce, but I still know my way around the kitchen. Maybe you could tell me about this new guy, too.”

“I’d like that, thanks.”

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 6 P.M.**

Connor walks into the living room and hands his cousins John and Derek their beers.

“Thanks.”

“Sorry I missed dinner.” Connor takes his seat. “One of our surgeons was out sick today so my dad asked me to stay and do one last surgery.”  
  
“No problem, we’re just glad to see you.” John sips his beer. “How is your dad?”

“He’s good. Between the hospital and the store, he’s busy, but he likes it.”

“You know, I was thinking we should all get together for a family dinner.” Derek suggests. “The three of us, Claire, and your dad. We all live in the same city and don’t see each other that much because we’re all so busy."

“Yeah,” Connor nods. “that sounds like a great idea.”

“Claire could bring Russell.” John relaxes back on the couch. “We’ve only met him twice so we’d like to get him to better since they’re living together now.”

“And you know,” Derek suppresses a smirk. “you could bring your new guy, too.”

Beer bottle in hand, Connor pauses as he is about to take a sip. “You guys heard about that?”

“We did.” John looks at his husband. “We had dinner with Claire over the weekend and she mentioned you had a date. Was it a secret?”

“No, I guess not.” Connor shakes his head. “I just wasn’t really going to say anything until we had gone out two or three times.”

“So, who’s the guy?”

“I don’t think you guys ever met him, but his name is Mouse.” Connor responds. “He works for the Chicago PD. He’s actually the best friend of Will’s brother.”

“Interesting.” John clicks his tongue. “How did the date go?”

“It went well.” Connor takes a deep breath. “Mouse is a handsome, really sweet guy. We saw a movie and had dinner, everything was very comfortable and natural. We’re going out again this weekend.”

“Well, I'm glad you’re moving on, Connor.” Derek smiles. “It’s a very healthy and important step to take after what you’ve been through.”

“Absolutely.” John concurs. “You deserve to be happy again.”

“Thanks, guys.” Connor sips his beer. “I like Mouse and I’m looking forward to our next date. But right now, I honestly can’t stop thinking about what Will said to me today.”

“You mean how about you guys weren’t a good match?”

“Yeah, that.” Connor shakes his head. “It just…I don’t know. On one hand, I think he’s right, but on the other hand, I feel like we were so in love that there’s no way that he could be right. No one ever made feel like Will did, I was ready to spend my life with him, and I just can’t wrap my mind around the possibility that our breakup was inevitable.”

“This is going to sound very cliché, Connor.” John tries to put this gently. “but sometimes love just isn’t enough. Life gets in the way, things happen that are beyond our control, and that are simply too much for love to overcome. We all want to think love is the be all and end all, but the truth is that sometimes it’s not.”

“John’s right. It’s sad, but true.” Derek leans forward, clasping his hands together. “And making yourself crazy dissecting whether you two were actually a good match is not going to help. I know it’s hard and unfair, but you’ve come so far in getting over the breakup and you don’t want to regress. Rather, you have to try to focus on moving on with Mouse and being happy again.”

“You’re right, thanks.” Connor stands up. “I’m going to use the bathroom, be right back.”

As Connor leaves the room, Derek turns to John. “Do you think we should be worried about him?”

“I think that conversation today with Will really threw him.” John replies. “But like you said, he just needs to move on and I think he’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.”

“Don’t worry.” John pats his husband’s leg. “Connor’s strong and he has us to support him.”

Derek leans back into his husband’s arms. “I love you, babe.”

John kisses Derek. “I love you too, baby.”

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 6:30 P.M.**

Will is setting up the dining room table for dinner and Logan is in his room getting dressed.

“You doing alright in there, bud?” Will calls to his son as he walks into the kitchen to check on the food.

“Yes, Dad.”

Will stirs the pasta and then pours himself a glass of soda. He’s so nervous about James meeting Logan, he has butterflies in his stomach. Connor and Logan got along pretty poorly and he doesn’t want that to happen with James.

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door.

Knowing it must be James, Will checks himself in the mirror before taking a deep breath and walking over to answer the door.

He opens the door and is greeted by James, wearing a black t-shirt, black jeans, and a gray hoodie, holding a gift bag,

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Will ushers James inside. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.” James enters and he and Will hug.

James reaches into the bag and pulls out a bottle of wine. “Here, this is for you. I don’t know if you drink wine anymore now that you’re a dad, but I didn’t want to come empty-handed.”

“I do sometimes, thanks.” Will examines the bottle. “Pinot Noir, you know just what I like.”

“Of course.” James looks towards the kitchen. “Something smells good.”

“Oh, yeah, I made pasta with broccoli.” Will walks into the kitchen. “Everything should be ready in a few minutes.”

“Where’s Logan?” James joins Will in the kitchen, setting his bag on the counter. “I brought something for him, too.”

“Aw, really?” Will stirs the sauce. “That’s very sweet of you, but you didn’t have to do.”

“I wanted to.” James takes a seat at the kitchen counter. “To be honest, I’m kinda nervous about meeting him. It’s like a big step for us to take, me meeting your son, especially since we just got back together.”

“I know.” Will leans on the counter, grabbing James’ hand. “I’d be lying if I said I’m not nervous too, but I think it’s going to go well. Logan’s a great kid and he’s going to see why I’m so crazy about you.”

“Right back at you.” James leans in and kisses Will.

“Come,” Will takes James’ hand. “let’s sit in the living room until dinner’s ready. I’ll go check on Logan.”

As they take their seats in their living room, Will hears Logan’s door open.

“Dad,” Logan calls walking out of his room. “where are you?”

“I’m in here.” Will meets Logan in the hallway and bends down to be at his eye-level.

“There’s someone that I want you to meet.”

Will takes Logan’s hand and they walk into the living room to find James sitting on the couch.

“Hey!” Logan points to James. “I remember you, you’ve been here before.”

“I have.” James nods. “My name’s James. It’s nice to meet you, Logan, your dad’s told me a lot about you.”

“You know, bud,” Will takes a seat next to James on the couch. “James and I have known each other for a very long time, since before you were born, and he’s my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?” Logan’s face suddenly lights up. “Oh, are you two like Lance Bass and Michael Turchin?”

Both Will and James laugh. “Yes, I guess we are.”

Logan turns to James. “My dad’s seemed kinda sad lately so as his boyfriend, will you help make him less sad?”

Will tilts his head at the comment, stunned at what Logan just said. Despite Will’s best efforts to conceal it, Logan has apparently picked up on Will’s pain from his breakup with Connor. Kids are pretty intuitive so he shouldn’t be surprised, he just hopes James doesn’t feel awkward now.

“Your dad’s very special to me,” James puts his arm around Will’s neck. “so I’m gonna do my best, buddy. I promise.”

Will feels his heart flutter at James’ words, he’s very grateful they’ve come back into each other’s lives.

“I’m gonna go check on dinner.”

Will stands up and walks into the kitchen, leaving James and Logan in the living room.

“You know, Logan,” James reaches for his bag. “this is for you.”

“Is it a present?”

“It is.” James hands him the bag. “From me.”

An unsure Logan looks to his dad in the kitchen. “Can I open it, Dad?”

“Go for it, champ.”

Logan reaches into the gift bag and pulls out a kids-size _Power Rangers_ t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Oh, my God!” Logan excitedly shouts, holding them up. “A _Power Rangers_ t-shirt and sweatpants!”

“Your dad told me how much you love _Power Rangers_.” James smiles in delight at Logan’s reaction. “I was a big fan when I was your age, too. Do you like them?”

“I love them!” Logan hops onto the couch and wraps his arms around James’ neck in a tight hug. “Thank you.”

James is slightly caught off guard by Logan hugging him, but happily welcomes it. “You’re welcome, buddy.”

From the kitchen, Will smiles at the scene in front of him. It looks like James and Logan are going to get along just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	68. Second Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) My apologies again for the delays with posting new chapters, I am very busy with grad school and work. I am continuing to write and update whenever possible because there is still more to come. I am currently working on the next 2 chapters, which focus on Jay & Erin's wedding.
> 
> 2.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 3.) I encourage all of you to please check out my other Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

> **Scene : Chicago Med, two weeks later, Friday, March 10, 2017, 10 A.M.**

Cornelius is sitting at his desk doing some paperwork when Melissa walks in.

“Good morning, Melissa.”

“Good morning, Mr. Rhodes.” Melissa walks over to her desk and puts her stuff down. “Do you have a minute to talk about something?”

“Yeah, sure.” He looks up, putting his pen down. “What’s up?”

“I came across something last night that I think you’d be interested in.” She takes her iPad out of her desk drawer. “Regarding that special assignment you gave me.”

“Oh, really?”A curious Cornelius stands up and walks over to close the door before walking over to Melissa’s desk. “Does that mean you have something I can use to finally take down Dr. Downey?”

“I think I might.” Melissa unlocks her iPad and flips it around so they can both see it. “Although, before I show you this video I have to tell you that it involves Dr. Halstead.”

Cornelius sighs, swallowing his personal feelings. “That’s fine, there’s a greater good behind this.”

“So, ever since you put me on Dr. Downey’s trail, he’s been behaving. Nothing said or done out of line. But, last night he and Dr. Halstead had a pretty heated exchange. They’re not in range of the cameras much of the time and it’s actually only a short bit.”

She hits plays on the video.

_Dr. Downey: You ruined Connor with your unnatural ways. You made him gay, turned him from my promising prodigy into someone who engages in sodomy._

_Will: I made him gay?! For a doctor, you really are an idiot. Thank God you work on people’s hearts and not minds because this hospital would be screwed. No one can make anyone gay, it’s how someone is born. It’s how Connor was born, it's how I was born._

_Dr. Downey: Maybe so, but he could’ve fought it if not for you. But no, you corrupted Connor and made him a disgusting faggot just like you are. Dr. Perrington was right because neither of you have business being doctors and transmitting that sin to others. You’re both disgraces to humanity and to this hospital._

_Will: No, you’re the disgrace! Your judgement, your hate, that's not what the world is about. We’re all the same, some people like you are just too close-minded to see that love has no boundaries, gender or otherwise._  
  
The video stops. “That’s all we got, they moved out of range of the cameras for whatever happened next.”

“Melissa, this is fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. I think this is exactly what we need to finally nail that bastard!” Connor claps his hands. “Thank you so much for this. Can you please e-mail that to me right away?”

“You got it. The clip is pretty short though, do you think it’ll be enough to take to the hospital board?”

“I’m not sure.” Cornelius walks back to his desk. “I’ll show it to Ms. Goodwin and see what she thinks.”

“You know, Mr. Rhodes, I want to thank you for tasking me with this assignment.” Melissa takes a seat at her desk. “I know how personal it is because of the way Dr. Downey treated your son due to his sexuality, and it means a lot that you trusted me enough with it even when I haven’t been here that long.”

“Of course, Melissa.” Cornelius spins around in his chair to face her. “You’ve been a breath of fresh air and it’s been an absolute pleasure to have you here these last few months. You're my right hand, I trust you implicitly, and I knew you would handle this with the necessary attention and discretion.”

“Thank you, Mr. Rhodes.” Melissa replies with a smile. “For what it’s worth, I’m very happy to help. I think it’s terrible and just wrong that people are judged and treated as less than because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. There’s so much hate in the world and I think it’s a great thing that you’re trying to make the hospital a more tolerant place by getting rid of someone like Dr. Downey. Not just for Connor and Will, but for all of us.”

“Thank you.” Cornelius looks down. “I'm ashamed to admit this, but I didn’t exactly have the best reaction when Connor first came out. That’s actually a lie, I reacted horribly. I was mean and cruel, said hurtful things, and was a complete ass to my own son. If my wife had been alive, she would’ve been so disappointed on me. There’s no excuse for my actions, I simply had these incorrect notions about what it meant to be gay and they blinded me to the truth. But once Connor was able to stop hiding himself, it was like he was a new person. I saw it firsthand everyday here at the hospital, he was so happy, and it was because he was finally able to be his true self.”

He pauses for a moment to get his emotions under control before continuing. “I was so ashamed of myself as a father for how I treated him when my son was happier than I ever remember seeing him. I know you’re aware that Connor and Will broke up, but seeing the two of them together is what made me see the error of my ways. Will cared so deeply for Connor, he loved him and made Connor’s life better, and seeing all of that opened my eyes to the fact that love has no gender. Once I realized how unbelievably wrong I had been, I have done everything since to make up for it. “

Touched by Cornelius’ words, Melissa tilts her head sympathetically. “From what I’ve see Mr. Rhodes, Connor loves you very much, so I think you’ve done a very good job of making things right.”

“Thanks, Melissa.” Cornelius takes a deep breath. “That’s why getting rid of Dr. Downey matters so much to me, I feel like I owe it to Connor after everything I put him through.”

“Well, hopefully the video will do the trick. I just sent it to you.” Melissa looks up from her iPad. “I just have to say thank you for sharing that story with me. I know it’s not easy to open up, especially about things we’re not proud of, and it means a lot that you shared that with me.”

“Well, I felt that you deserved to know the whole story since I gave this assignment about Dr. Downey.” Cornelius opens up his iPad. “Besides, as I’ve already said, I trust you.”

“Thank you.”

“I got the video.” Cornelius closes his iPad. “I’m gonna go talk to Ms. Goodwin, thanks for all your help.”

Cornelius walks out and Melissa turns to the rest of her work.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 1 P.M.**

“Well, Mouse, it was really nice to see you again.” Claire puts her jacket on. “Now that you’re dating my brother, I’m glad we finally had a chance to have lunch.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry I can’t stay longer,” Claire checks her watch. “but I have to get back to work.”

Connor and Mouse follow Claire towards the door.

Connor hugs her. “Thanks for coming, Claire.”

She turns to Mouse. “Would it be too much to ask for a hug?”

“Not at all.” Mouse hugs her.

“I’m really glad the two of you met.” Claire smiles. “You’re exactly what Connor needed, Mouse.”

“Thanks.”

“See you later guys.”

Claire waves as she walks out.

Connor closes the door behind her and leans against it.

“Sorry about that, my sister can come on a little strong.”

“Don’t be sorry, she's really sweet.” Mouse follows Connor into the living room. “You two seem pretty close.”

“We are.” They take a seat on the couch. “We unfortunately spent a lot of our lives estranged for many reasons, but we’ve gotten really close again the last year and a half or so. Claire’s become my rock and the one person I can always unequivocally count on.”

“That’s great.” Mouse replies. “You’re close with your dad, too, right?”

“I am, but that also happened within the last year. Our family was always very complicated and we never really connected because we were all so different.” Connor explains. “The only common denominator between the three of us was my mom and when she died, it drove us further apart rather than bringing us closer together. So it took a long time for us to find our way back to each other, but now that we have, we’re all closer than ever.”

“I’m glad you have a loving and supportive family.”

“Are you close with you parents?”

“No, I’m not. They got divorced when I was in middle school, so life at home was pretty chaotic.” Mouse picks at his fingernails. “I never really grew close to either of them because I spent so much time shuffling between living with two of them. All they ever did was argue over what was best for me, trying to outdo each other and prove they were the better parent. It got really tiring so I enlisted in the army when I turned eighteen and by the time I came back, I had enough money saved to live on my own and go to college. Then I enlisted again when I was twenty-five and that was when I met Jay.”

“Aw, I’m sorry, babe.” Connor reaches for Mouse’s hand. “Do you still talk to them?”

“Barely.” Mouse intertwines his fingers with Connor's. “They call me for my birthday and stuff, but it’s very superficial. My dad moved out of state and remarried, my mom still lives in Chicago and is seeing a guy I think. I have no interest in having a relationship with them because I was a tennis ball they bounced back and forth following their divorce, it never really felt like either of them truly cared for me. So, yes, they’re my parents, but I’ve worked hard to create a life that I can be proud of, and there’s no place for either of them in it.”

“I’m sorry,” Connor squeezes Mouse’s hand. “but you should be proud of all you’ve accomplished and the life you’ve created for yourself.”

“I am.” Mouse smiles. “And I’m really glad that you’re a part of it.”

“Me too.” Connor leans in and kisses Mouse.

“You know, babe,” Mouse relaxes back onto the couch. “there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Well, I know that you weren’t planning on going to Jay and Erin’s wedding because of everything with Will, but I wanted to ask if maybe you’d reconsider and come as my date.”

Connor raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’d love to have you there with me.” Mouse sees the serious expression on Connor’s face. “Unless you don’t want to.”

“No, of course I do, babe.” Connor tries to put this the right way. “but, just, I mean…you and Will and Jay’s best men, Will’s my ex, and he’s gonna be there with his son and maybe James. Don’t you think it would awkward if I came as your date?”

“Maybe a little, but this isn’t about Will. It’s about us, I’m really proud to be with you. You’ve made me want to stop hiding and be open about my bisexuality and I want to share that and our relationship with everyone.” Mouse sweetly replies, rubbing Connor’s arm. “Plus, I can talk to Jay and Erin and make sure they sit us at a different table so we don’t have to worry about Will.”

Connor smiles at Mouse’s sincerity. “You sure know how to sweet talk a guy. I would love to be your date.”

“Woohoo!” Mouse excitedly exclaims as he pulls Connor into a big hug. “I’m so glad, babe.”

Connor wraps his arms around Mouse as they fall onto the couch, locked in a passionate kiss. _Whoever said moving on would be hard had no idea that he would meet Mouse._

**Scene : Chicago Med, 2 P.M.**

Cornelius is sitting at his desk when he hears a knock at his open door. Looking up, he sees Will.

“Dr. Halstead, please come in and close the door behind you.”

An apprehensive Will does so, wondering if he’s finally going to be fired.

“Please,” Cornelius motions with his hand. “have a seat.”

Will takes a seat. “So, you, um, you wanted to see me, Mr. Rhodes?”  “I did.” Cornelius confirms. “I’m going to level with you and tell you that I’ve been trying to find cause to fire Dr. Downey ever since he stopped mentoring Connor and said those terrible things about him being gay when the two of you came out as a couple. I haven’t been able to find anything, but then I came across what appears to be a pretty heated exchange between you and Dr. Downey on the security cameras from last night.”

“Well that’s your prerogative as you’re the hospital chairman,” Will clears his throat. “but if you have the video, how can I help you?”

“Well, this isn’t as simple as it was when Dr. Perrington was fired because it was a conversation directly between her and Connor that was used with Connor as the complainant.” Cornelius explains. “The difference here is that this is a third-person security camera video and the allegation being brought is by the hospital as a whole and not a specific person. When I showed it the Board, they said that according to the hospital bylaws, unless you personally bring an allegation against Dr. Downey for what was said, they can’t act on it.”

“Whoa, wait,” Will leans forward, putting his hand up. “are you asking me to testify against Dr. Downey?”

“I am. You would need go before the Board to give a statement about what happened last night and provide context for the recording, which would then allow it to be submitted into evidence. And then on the record, you would need to make an accusation against him in accordance with the hospital laws against discrimination.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Rhodes.” Will shakes his head. “I’d like to help, but I’m not going to do that. After what Dr. Perrington did to John in retaliation for her being fired, I can't take that risk for myself and especially for my son.”

“I understand,” Cornelius takes a deep breath. “and I respect your decision. Thank you for your time.”

“I get why you want to take down Dr. Downey, I really do,” Will stands up. “and I wish I could help. But, my responsibility is to my son first and foremost. However, I can tell you that Dr. Downey and I were arguing last night because he’s planning on retiring and he has no one to carry on his legacy.”

“Retiring?” Cornelius’ face contorts in confusion. “He hasn’t put in any papers.”

“Well, I guess he’s going to because he said that his kidneys are failing, he’s starting dialysis next month, and has been trying to find someone to mentor in cardiothoracic surgery without any luck. So he came at me as I was leaving last night, screaming at me for apparently turning Connor gay and coming between him mentoring Connor because he was Dr. Downey’s most promising mentee. So, it looks like even without my testimony, Dr. Downey won’t be part of the hospital for much longer. Just not in the way you wanted.”

“This has been very informative.” Cornelius puts his hands on his desk. “Thank you, Dr. Halstead.”

“You’re welcome.”

Will turns around to walk out, but Cornelius calls to him.

“Will.”

He turns around.

“I know I’ve been really tough on you since you and Connor broke up,” Cornelius hesitates to be so open in this moment, but sighs and continues. “and I just want you to know that it’s because I had a lot of hope for the two of you. You changed my son in so many ways, you changed me by making me seeing that love transcends gender, and I saw the love that you two had for each other firsthand. I was looking forward to calling you my son-in-law and when you broke up, it broke my heart to see everything you had come crashing down like it did.”

“Me, too.” Will sadly replies, holding back the tears over the once happy past. “Anyway, I’m gonna get back to work.”

Will walks out of the office, leaving Cornelius to his thoughts. _He may not get to fire Dr. Downey, but Dr. Downey will be retiring. It’s not exactly how Cornelius wanted it to go, but a win is a win regardless._

**Scene : Molly’s, 7 P.M.**

Will is sitting at a table with Jay and Erin.

“So,” Erin looks towards the door. “what time should we be expecting James?”

“Any minute now.” Will checks his phone. “He texted me a few minutes ago and said he wasn’t far.”

Jay sips his beer. “How are things going with the two of you?”

“They’re going pretty good.” Will replies. “It’s only been like two weeks, but it feels just as natural and comfortable as it did when we were together the first time around. We’re taking it slow and getting to know each other again since it’s been eight years. There’s a bond and trust to rebuild, but it just comes very easy with James.”

“And how are he and Logan getting along?”

“Very well.” Will takes a sip of his club soda. “James got Logan a _Power Rangers_ t-shirt and sweatpants the first time they met and ever since then, Logan’s become almost attached to him. He wants James to read and write with him, watch television with him, study the stars in his room with him, it’s really sweet to see that they’re getting along.”

“Aw, that’s good.” Erin smiles. “James sounds like a nice guy, I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Me, too.” Jay clears his throat. “I gotta give him my big brother talk.”

“Oh, geez.” Will shakes his head. “Promise me you’ll be nice to him, Jay. It took us eight years to find our way back to each other, I don’t need you scaring him off.”

Jay sips his beer. “I got this, Will, don't worry.”

Will rolls his eyes as his phone beeps. Checking it, he stands up.

“James is here, parking his car. I’m gonna go meet him outside.”

As Will walks away, Erin turns to Jay.

“Do you think Will knows Connor and Mouse are dating?”

“He hasn’t said anything so I’m not sure.” Jay shrugs. “I don't wanna say anything, but it’s gonna come out eventually. Especially if Connor comes to our wedding with Mouse.”

“We’ll worry about that when when it happens.” Erin looks up and sees Will and James walk in. James is wearing a blue business suit. “They’re here so right now let’s focus on meeting James, this is important to Will.”

Walking over to the table, Will introduces everyone.

“Jay, Erin, I’d like to introduce you to James. James, this is my brother Jay and his fiancé Erin.”

“It’s very nice to meet both of you.” James shakes their hands. “Will has told me a lot about you.”

“Same here.”

Will motions to the bar. “You wanna get a drink, babe?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Will turns to his brother and Erin. “We’ll be right back.”

One hour later, the four of them are seated and talking.

“The partners at my firm offered me the opportunity to help set up their Chicago office and then get it up and running.” James explains, taking a sip of his beer. “I immediately said yes because not only was it an amazing chance to prove myself, but it was also a chance to return home. I love New York City, but Chicago is my home and it’d been eight years since I moved. I left a lot behind, not just my family, but also Will. I wasn’t sure if he’d give me a second chance, God knows I didn’t deserve it, but I’m very lucky that he did.”

“I’m the one who’s lucky,” Will leans in towards James. “that you came back to give us another shot.”

“Aw,” Erin gushes as Will and James kiss. “you guys are very sweet.”

Jay leans back, crossing his arms. “So does that mean you’re staying permanently?”

“Well, nothing’s set in stone yet. I do still have ongoing cases in New York City that I have to fly there for, but I am living and working here for the immediate future.” James replies. “Our Chicago office is still a good two months away from opening and once it does open, I’ll be here for at least two to three months to ensure all operates smoothly. After that, I’m not entirely sure, but I’m hoping that I will get to stay in Chicago.”

Will puts his arm around James. “I hope you will, too, babe.”

Before anyone can say anything else, Will’s phone rings and he picks it up off the table to see it’s Ashley.

“This is Ashley.” Will stands up. “I’ll be right back.”

Will walks away and Jay turns to Erin. “Erin, can you give James and I a minute?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Erin stands up, leaning to whisper in his ear. “Be gentle.”

As Erin walks away, Jay turns to attention to James.

“So, James, I’m not going to sit here and lie to you, I’ve been feeling uneasy about your relationship with Will. Next to Erin, Will is the most important person in my life. He’s my little brother, I love him, we’ve been close our entire lives, and I’ve always looked out for him. When I heard you were back in his life, I was very skeptical because of what happened between the two of you last time. Granted I didn’t know Will was gay back then and wasn’t aware of your relationship at the time, I do know that you didn’t treat my brother very well and caused him immense pain with your actions.”

Jay clears his throat and continues. “But, Will has also told me about everything since you two reconnected with your apologies and your regret. My impression of you from tonight tells me that you’re a genuine, good guy, James, and it’s made me feel better about your relationship with Will. So I ask that you be good to my brother because he’s been through a lot over the years. Not just the scars he carries from your past together, but also the pain of our mom’s death and his breakup with Connor. I believe you’re a different guy than you were the first time you dated Will, so please don’t prove me wrong, because you’ll have to me to answer to if you do.”

“I understand.” James clasps his hands together. “I appreciate that Will has a protective big brother like you, Jay, and I want to assure that I am not going to make the same mistake I did last time. Letting Will go has always been my biggest regret and now that we’re back together, I am not going to screw it up. I care about him very much, he’s quite special to me, and I promise you I am going to treat him better this time around.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

Glass of water in her hand, Erin approaches the table. “All good over here?”

“Yeah.” Jay nods. “James and I were just talking.”

Erin retakes her seat. “Alright then.”

The three of them look up as Will walks back over to them.

“Babe, is everything alright with Logan?”

“Oh, yeah, everything's fine.” Will sets his phone down on the table. “Logan accidentally logged out of our Netflix account and he and Ashley couldn’t watch Power Rangers. They called me for the password, but I didn’t remember so we had to reset it, but all’s good.”

“Ok, good.”

“I hate to cut this short,” Will grabs his coat. “but I have to be getting home to Logan. Ashley’s been with him since eight o’clock this morning so she needs some relief.”

Jay checks his watch. “Oh, yeah, wow, long day for Ashley.”

“Tell Logan that Jay and I miss him and we'll see him soon.”

Will turns to James. “You wanna walk out together?”

“Sure, babe.” James stands up, putting his coat on, and looks at Jay and Erin. “It was really great to meet you guys.”

“You, too.” James shakes their hands. “We hope to see you again soon.”

“See you later, brother.” Will and Jay hug. “I went easy on James, don’t worry.” He whispers in his brother's ear.

Will shakes his head as he Erin hug. “I like James. You have really good taste in guys, by the way. When I was single, you were kind of the best friend I always dreamed of having.”

They both chuckle as Will and James turn to leave.

“See you guys later.”

Jay and Erin watch as they walk out, James’ arm around Will’s neck.

“Will seems really happy,” Erin sips her beer. “and I really like James.”

“I do, too.”

“Do you think Will’s going to bring James as his date to our wedding?”

“I don’t know.” Jay pulls Erin close. “If he does, we’ll have to make sure they don’t sit near Mouse and Connor.”

“We’ll figure it out, babe.” Erin rests her hand on top of Jay’s. “Don’t worry.”

Jay kisses her. “With you by side, I never worry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	69. Rehearsal Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-69-jay-erins-rehe/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) Please follow along to the Pinterest board as you read this chapter: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-69-jay-erins-rehe/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, two weeks later, Friday, March 24, 2017, 1 P.M.**

Mouse is outside waiting for Connor when he looks up and sees Will walking outside, face buried in his phone.

“Hey, Will.”

Will looks up. “Hey, Mouse.”

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

Will puts his phone away. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“I know you know about me and Connor, he told me you saw us at dinner a few weeks ago.” Mouse takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry you found out like that because given your history, we should’ve told you. I’ve been wanting to say something for a while now, but I wasn’t really sure how to approach you. I waited too long though because tomorrow is Jay and Erin’s wedding and tonight’s the rehearsal dinner. I’ve always considered you to be my friend, Will, and I don’t want you to be mad at me since we’re both Jay’s best men.”

“I’m not mad at you, Mouse.” Will puts his hands in his jacket pockets. “I consider you to be my friend, too, but it’s just weird to me that you’re dating Connor. My ex and my brother’s best friend dating has been hard to wrap my head around if I’m being honest. I’ll always love Connor and I want the best for him and I couldn’t think of a better guy for him than you, so I’m happy for you two. Truly, I am.”

“Really? Thanks.” Mouse smiles. “So does that mean it won’t be awkward tomorrow when Connor comes as my date?”

“Oh, no, it’s definitely going to be awkward.” Will shakes his head. “Especially since I’m bring a date, too. But it’s always going to be awkward because Connor’s my ex, there’s nothing any of us can do. We’re both moving on, tomorrow is Jay and Erin’s wedding, and those are the two that matter most.”

“But, you and I are good? No hard feelings?”

“No hard feelings, Mouse.” Will extends his hand. “We’re good. Just make sure you take care of Connor.”

Mouse shakes his hand. “I will.”

“I’ll see you later.”

Mouse nods as Will walks off.

The ER doors then open and out walks Connor.

“Hey, babe.” Connor hug him. “Ready for lunch?”

“Yup.” Mouse replies. “You up for Chinese food?”

“Sounds good.”

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 5:30 P.M.**

All dressed up for the rehearsal dinner, Will is in the bathroom putting himself together when he hears a knock at the door.

He walks through the living room and opens the door to reveal James.

“Hey.” James sees that Will is all dressed up. “Wow, you look great.”

“Thanks.” Will steps out of the way to usher him inside. “Come on in.”

Upon entering, they kiss and Will closes the door.

“Damn, babe,” James puts his hands on Will’s chest. “I take back what I just said, great doesn’t begin to cover how exceptionally handsome you look. I love these colors on you and the look with these top buttons open is so sexy. I wish you didn’t leave and were staying with me tonight.”

Will chuckles. “You’re very sweet. I’m excited for me, you, and Logan to go to my brother’s wedding tomorrow.”

“Me, too.” James looks around. “Where is Logan anyway?”

“Oh, he’s watching a YouTube video about space with Lucky in his room.” Will walks into the kitchen. “I cannot thank you enough for watching him tonight, Ashley has the flu. I needed to work today so I could be off tomorrow for Jay and Erin watched him while I was at work and I had no one to watch him tonight.”

“Not a problem.” James joins Will in the kitchen. “I’m happy to help. Plus, I’m glad to spend more time with him, he’s a great kid.”

“He really likes you.” Will leans against the kitchen counter. “I made him some chicken with spinach for dinner, it’s in the fridge whenever he gets hungry. There’s enough for you if you want too, but you can help yourself to whatever you want. There’s soda and water in the fridge also, ice cream in the freezer if he wants, and you know where the silverware and everything is. I shouldn’t be home too late, maybe 10 or so. I’ll have my phone so you can text or call me if you need anything."

“Will,” James walks over to him and grabs his hands. “you don’t have to worry. I’ve babysat my younger cousins over the years, so I know what I’m doing when it comes to watching kids, you can trust me.”

“I know I can and I _do_ trust you.” Will sighs. “It’s not that at all. It’s just…it’s hard for me to leave him. It took me a while to get used to leaving with Ashley when I go to work or even having my brother watch him. It’s been over two months, so you think I’d be used to it by now, but my paternal instincts make me nervous about leaving him.”  
“I completely understand, but I promise you that I will take really good care of Logan.” James tries to reassure his boyfriend. “He and I are going to be just fine so there is no reason to be nervous. I got this, so you go and have a great time and before you know it, you’ll be back home.”

“Thanks, babe.”

James looks into Will’s eyes. “You’re going to be the most handsome guy there tonight.”

“Aw,” Will blushes a little. “you sure know how to flatter a guy.”

“I only speak the truth.”

“I have an idea.” A sly smirk forms on Will’s face. “I gotta leave in five minutes, so why don’t we take advantage of the moment while Logan’s watching that YouTube video by speaking less and kissing more?”

James grins. “My pleasure.”

He pulls Will close for a kiss, wrapping his arms around Will’s neck.

Footsteps can be heard in the hallway and Logan enters the kitchen to find the two of them kissing.

“Ew, kissing!” Logan pulls a face and points. “That’s gross!”

Will and James chuckle and break apart.

A slightly embarrassed Will straightens out his shirt. “I guess that YouTube video is over.”

James waves. “Hey, buddy.”

“James!” Logan runs over to James, who bends down to give him a hug. “Are you staying for dinner?”

James gives Will a look, clearly Logan doesn’t know that Will is going out for the night.

“Dad,” Logan suddenly notices Will’s clothes. “why are you dressed like that? Are you going somewhere?”

“I am, buddy.” Will scoops his son up in his arms. “I’m going to dinner to celebrate Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin’s wedding tomorrow. That’s why James is here, Ms. Ashley is still sick so he’s going to stay with you while I’m gone.”

“Can't I come?”

“I’m sorry, pal, but not tonight.” Will sits his son at the kitchen counter. “But tomorrow me, you, and James are going to celebrate your uncle Jay and aunt Erin getting married together. I promise.”

“Okay.” Logan turns to face James. “James, will you watch Power Rangers with me and Lucky after we eat dinner?”

“Definitely.” James smiles. “I’d love to, buddy.”

**Scene : Café Spiaggia, 6:30 P.M.**

Café Spiaggia is a fancy Italian restaurant located on North Michigan Avenue. Jay and Erin rented out the back party room for their rehearsal dinner tonight. Since tomorrow is the larger wedding, tonight’s rehearsal dinner is smaller with only the main members of the wedding party in attendance. That includes Erin’s maid of honor Kim, bridesmaids Natalie and Sarah, Jay’s best men Will and Mouse, Jay’s groomsman Antonio Erin’s mother Bunny, and Voight who will be walking Erin down the aisle tomorrow.

Before arriving to the restaurant for the rehearsal dinner, everyone went to the hotel to do a run through of the ceremony for tomorrow. Since Jay and Erin’s wedding colors are purple and gray, the party room is set up with gray table settings, adorned with purple roses and candles at the center of each table. Following a salad and an appetizer course, dinner is being served buffet style.

Wearing a beautiful, long purple dress with a silver necklace, silver earrings and high heels, Erin walks into the party room holding Jay’s hand. Jay is wearing a light gray suit with a blue tie.

“Everyone looks beautiful.” Erin looks around. “Exactly how I wanted it. Simple yet elegant.”

“Just like you, honey.” Jay turns to his beautiful fiancé as he leads her to their seats. “In case I haven’t mentioned it already, that dress is absolutely gorgeous.”

Erin chuckles as they takes their seats. “Thanks, babe.” She grabs hold of his tie. “You look pretty great in that suit. Who gets the privilege of marrying you tomorrow?”

“That would be you, my love.” Jay grins before giving her a passionate kiss.

Will, Natalie, and Antonio walk in to find them locked in a heated kiss.

“Oh, wow.” Will playfully mocks. “Maybe we should come back.”

Breaking the kiss, Jay scrunches his face as he adjusts his tie. “Funny, my brother’s got jokes tonight.”

Will chuckles as he, Antonio, and Natalie take their seats.

“Where’s everyone else?”

“Parking.” Antonio replies. “The lot was full so they had to find spots on the street.”

“So,” Natalie turns to the happy couple. “how are you guys feeling?”

A smiling Erin grabs Jay’s hand before replying. “Excited, it’s very surreal that tomorrow’s our wedding. After all the months of planning, it’s hard to believe that the big day is finally here.”

“But we couldn’t be happier.” Jay finishes her thought, interlocking their fingers. “We’re ready to finally start our lives together and share our special day tomorrow with the people we love.”

“Oh, honey!” Bunny loudly exclaims as she enters the room followed by Voight, Mouse, Kim, and Reese. “The room looks great, I love these colors, and the candles and the flowers are so tasteful.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Erin stands up and walks over to her mother. “I can’t take any credit for tonight though. I’ve been so focused on the wedding, Kim, Natalie, and Sarah took care of all the planning. Jay and I just chose the place and set the menu, they took care of all the details.”

“It was our pleasure.” Sarah smiles.

The waitress enters the room. She is middle-aged, average height, with long blonde hair and brown eyes wearing a uniform.

“Good evening, I’m looking for Jay and Erin.”

They raise their hands. “That’s us.”

“Hi, guys.” Stacey walks over to their table. “Welcome to Café Spiaggia, my name is Stacey and I will be your waitress tonight. Just to let you know, we will be starting with a salad and appetizer course, then we will lay out the food for the buffet. After that, we will serve coffee and bring out trays of cookies. We’re going to start bringing out the salads and appetizers while I go around and take orders for drinks. If you need anything, please let me know.”

“Thank you.”

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 8:30 P.M.**

James is sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and reading through some papers for work on his iPad. Logan fell asleep on the couch after a few episodes of Power Rangers so James left him to sleep.

“Ahh!! Help!” Logan shouts. “No, get away from me!”

Lucky starts barking, startled by Logan’s shouting.

A panicked James quickly runs into the living room and kneels down next to Logan. He sees that Logan’s eyes are still closed, but his breathing is heavy and he is squirming. He must be having a bad dream.

James’ heart is racing as he watches Logan squirm and breath so intensely. He feels so powerless because he wants to help, but doesn’t want to touch Logan and risk startling him. The only way for Logan to come out of the bad dream is for it to happen naturally.

“No, ahh!” Logan bolts upright as his eyes suddenly open. “Dad?” He calls out in fright. “Dad?!”

“Shh, Logan, buddy, it’s okay.” James tentatively reaches out to put his hand on Logan’s back. “It’s me, James.”

“James?” A disoriented Logan looks around, his body shaking. “Where’s my dad?”

“Your dad went out, I’m staying with you because Ms. Ashley is sick. Do you remember that?” He points to Lucky who is laying on the floor. “Lucky is here, too.”

Pulling the blanket close to him, Logan nods.

James attempts takes a seat next to Logan on the couch, but Logan moves away, so James stays on the floor. “Can you tell me what happened, buddy?”

“I…I had a ba-bad dream.” Logan shakily responds. “Goldar and Rito were chasing me and trying to hurt me. I was running away and calling for the _Power Rangers_.”

“Did the _Power Rangers_ come and save you?”

“I don’t know, I woke up.” Logan shrugs. “But Goldar and Rito were really scary. I thought they were going to hurt me and I’d never see my dad again.”

“I’m sorry, buddy.” James leans against the couch. “I know dreams can be scary, but you’re fine.”

Still slightly shaking, Logan hugs his blanket to his chest. “I wish my dad was here.”

“Your dad will be home soon,” James tries to calm this sweet kid down. “but if you let me, I’ll sit with you until he gets home.”

“Will you protect me from Rito and Goldar?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay.”

After he takes a seat on the couch, Logan grabs his blanket and rests his head on James’ shoulder and James pulls him close.

“I got you, buddy.” James shifts his position to get comfortable as Lucky joins them on the couch. “You’re safe now.”

**Scene : Café Spiaggia, 9 P.M.**

After enjoying a delicious dinner, everyone is now having coffee and dessert.

“That is so not true.” Will laughs, putting his hand up. “I never said that.”

His phone rings and he picks it up to see it’s James.

“Excuse me.”

Standing up, he walks away from the table and answers his phone. “Hey, babe. Is everything ok? Oh, ok, is Logan alright? Yeah, okay, we’re almost done anyway so I’m gonna leave. I’ll see you soon. Thanks, babe.”

He hangs his phone up and stands there for a moment, lost in his thoughts. _Logan had a bad dream, the first one Will’s ever known him to have, and he wasn’t there. He’s very grateful James is with him, but it’s time to go home._

“Will,” Jay walks up behind him. “are you okay?”

“Hm? Yeah.” Will turns around, putting his phone away. “I think I’m gonna get going.”

“Is Logan ok?”

Will sighs. “James called, Logan had a bad dream related to _Power Rangers_ and he’s pretty freaked out.”

“Aw, my poor little nephew.”

“Yeah, so I’m gonna go say goodbye to Erin and get home. I’ll see you tomorrow for your big day.”

Will starts to walk away, but Jay puts his hand on Will’s shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m just worried about Logan.” Will shakes his head. “And I want to get home to be with him.”

Jay nods as Will walks away.

A half hour later, everyone has left and Jay and Erin are seated at a table with Stacey.

“So,” Stacey slides a copy of the bill over to their side of their table. “you’ll see that the bill comes with an included $50 fee for reserving this room. When this dinner was originally arranged with my manager, he said you two were alright with that.”

“That’s correct.” Jay looks over the bill before taking out his credit card and handing it to Stacey. “We want to thank you for a wonderful evening.”

“Yes, absolutely.” Erin agrees. “The food was delicious, everything went smoothly, and all the staff were very friendly and helpful.”

“I’m glad everything was to your satisfaction.” Stacey stands up. “I’ll be right back.”

Stacey walks away and Erin leans back into Jay’s arms. “Everything went well tonight.”

“It did.”

“Was everything ok with Will?” Erin turns her head to face Jay. “He left in such a hurry, it seemed like something was wrong, but I didn’t get a chance to ask. Did something happen with Logan?”

“Will got a call from James that Logan had a bad dream, something to do with Power Rangers.” Jay explains. “It really bothered Will and he wanted to get home, that’s why he left so quickly. He had such a troubled look on his face, I think he felt guilty that he wasn’t there when it happened.”

“It wasn’t his fault, he was out. And it’s not like Logan was alone.” Erin rationalizes. “James was with him.”

“You’re right, but I don’t think Will sees it that way.” Jay sighs. “Ever since he found out he had a son, he’s been carrying around this guilt for missing the first five years of Logan’s life. So tonight, not being there when Logan had a bad dream, is just another thing Will feels guilty for missing out on. Quite frankly, I’m worried because I saw how Will destroyed his relationship with Connor due to his guilt over Logan, and I don’t want him to keep letting guilt define his actions. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, I’ve even encouraged him to speak to someone about this whole guilt complex, but Will doesn’t wanna hear it. I don’t know what to do because I hate seeing Will this like when our dad is the one to blame for everything.”

“Aw, babe.” Erin puts her hand on top of Jay’s. “All you can do, all we can do, is support Will and be there for him.”

“I know.” Jay smiles at his beautiful fiancé. “I can’t wait to marry you tomorrow.”

“Me too.”

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 10 P.M.**

Will is with Logan in his room.

“So, do you remember what we talked about, buddy?”

“Yes.” Logan replies as he gets into bed. “That dreams are make believe and they can’t hurt me.”

“That’s right. None of it is real, so there’s nothing to be scared of.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, buddy.” Will sits on his son’s bed. “I’m never going to let anything happen to you or anyone hurt you.”

Will starts to tuck Logan in, but Logan instead wraps his arms around Will in a hug. “I love you, Dad.”

Caught off guard, but in a good way, Will is overcome with emotions as he holds his son in his arms. This is the first time Logan’s ever said he loves him, which has caused Will’s heart to soar.

“I love you, too, pal.” Will holds back tears as he rubs Logan’s back. “So much.”

Will gently rests Logan’s head on the pillow. “You get some sleep, buddy. I’m gonna leave your door open, you call me if you need anything. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Dad.”

Logan turns on his side and closes his eyes and Will walks out.

“Hey,” James greets Will as he enters the kitchen. “how’s Logan?”

“He’s good.” Will grabs a water out the refrigerator. “We had a talk and I explained to him that dreams aren’t real and that they’re just make believe coming from our minds. He seemed to understand.”

“I’m sure he did, he’s a smart kid.”

Will takes a seat next to James at the kitchen counter. “Logan told me he loved me, it’s the first time he’s ever said it.”

“Aw, really?” James smiles. “That’s sweet.”

“I...I can’t even tell you how it felt to hear him say those words.” Will tries to put this the right way. “Logan’s so quickly become the most important thing in my life, I love him so much, and just to know that he feels the same way when I’ve been his dad for such a short time means everything.”

“I’m so happy for you, babe.” James puts his hand on Will’s shoulder. “You’re a great father and I don’t see how Logan could ever feel anything for you but love.”

“There’s no way I could ever thank you for tonight, James.” Will’s tone is very serious and he takes James’ hand in his own. “Not just for staying with Logan while I was out, but for being there for him when he had his bad dream. I wish I had been there myself, but it gave me great comfort to know that you were here to calm Logan down when he was frightened. You made him feel safe and protected in my absence and that just means the world to me, thank you.”

“Of course, babe.” James squeezes Will’s hand. “Logan’s a great kid and I’m glad I was here when he needed me. Speaking of, I know it’s not my place, but maybe Logan shouldn’t watch Power Rangers for a while.”

“First of all, it is your place after tonight. I know you genuinely care for Logan so that’s why you’re saying it.” Will emphasizes his words. “Plus I agree with you, we’re gonna stop with the _Power Rangers_ around here for a while.”

“Ok, good.” James breathes a sigh of relief. “I just didn't wanna overstep and make you think I was trying to tell you how to parent.”

“Not at all, babe.” An enamored Will looks into James’ eyes. “Man, I’m so lucky to have found you. You’re handsome, sweet, caring, smart, and amazing with my son. It’s like you were made to order.”

“Made to order just for you.”

Will chuckles. “You should stay here tonight. With me, with us.”

James smiles and hugs Will. “I’d love to, babe.”

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 10 P.M.**

Clad in his sweats, Connor opens the front door to find Mouse still all dressed up from the rehearsal dinner.

“There he is!” Connor exclaims as he hugs Mouse. “How was the rehearsal dinner?”

“It was good.” Mouse follows Connor inside, closing the door behind him. “How was your night?”

“It was quiet, just stayed home and watched Netflix.” Connor runs his fingers along Mouse’s shirt. “I couldn’t wait for you to come over to see how handsome you look for myself. And damn, your body looks incredible in this shirt.”

Mouse raises his eyebrows. “You see something you like?”

“Absolutely.” Connor licks his lips, trying to contain himself. “Although I think this would be better with less clothes on in my bedroom.”

Mouse smirks. “Lead the way.”

Connor takes Mouse’s hand and leads him to the bedroom. They fall onto the bed, passionately making out, grinding against each other.

Connor undoes the buttons on Mouse’s shirt before taking it off and then removing his undershirt. In between kisses, he runs his hands along Mouse’s very toned and sexy body.

Mouse pulls Connor’s sweatshirt off to reveal his slightly hairy chest and toned body. He presses their bodies together and kisses Connor deeply, turned on even further by the skin on skin contact.

“You wanna be top or bottom, babe?” Connor pants as he starts undoing Mouse’s belt. “Or do you wanna flip like last time?”

“Let’s flip.” Mouse removes Connor’s sweatpants and kicks his own pants off. He presses their erections together, causing them to both moan into their kiss.

“Oh my God.” Mouse moans as Connor licks his neck. “You really know how to get going, I’m already precumming.”

“We’re just getting started.” Connor slyly responds, reaching into Mouse’s boxers. “I’ve been waiting for this all day.”

“Fuck.” Mouse’s eyes roll back as Connor takes his hard cock into his mouth. “That feels incredible.”

They shed their remaining clothing and get into a 69 position, hungrily taking the other in their mouth as if this was their first time having sex, which it was not.

Connor reaches into his nightstand drawer, pulling out condoms and lube. “You wanna go first?”

“No, you first.” Mouse replies, kissing Connor. “I want you inside me.”

“As you wish, sexy.”

They reposition themselves so that Connor is behind Mouse and he slowly enters him.

“Damn, you feel even more amazing than I remember.”

“Mmm,” Mouse moans as Connor grabs Mouse’s erection and starts jerking it. “just like that, babe.”

A few minutes later, they switch positions so that Mouse is inside Connor while jerking Connor off.

“Fuck, your hand is working wonders on my dick.”

Slowly pushing himself further into Connor, Mouse shouts. “Holy shit, I’m gonna cum.”

“Me too.”

Connor explodes all over his stomach and Mouse explodes all over his legs.

Both lying on their backs and panting, Connor observes the mess they made. “I think we need a shower.”

Mouse chuckles. “I think you’re right.”

“Come on,” Connor sits up and gives Mouse a small kiss. “let's go, babe.”

They head into the shower to clean up after which Mouse winds up spending the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	70. Jay and Erin's Wedding, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I spent a lot of time working on these two chapters for Jay and Erin's wedding so please follow along to the Pinterest board as you read this chapter to enjoy the full experience: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-70-jay-erins-wedd/.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, Saturday, March 25, 2017, 9 A.M.**

Waking up in his boxers and an undershirt, James opens his eyes. He turns his head to looks for Will, but doesn’t see him.

He reaches for his phone on the nightstand to check the time and sees some e-mails from work. He’s off all weekend so those can wait. 9:02 A.M., Will probably got up to make Logan breakfast.

James gets out of bed and puts his clothes on. Opening the bedroom door, he steps in the hallway and walks into the kitchen to find Logan sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“James!” Logan excitedly shouts. “Good morning!”

“Good morning, buddy.” James walks over to Logan and ruffles his hair. “Where’s your dad?”

Will emerges from the bathroom. “Right here.”

“Hey.” James walks over to Will. “The bed was so empty when I woke up.”

“Sorry, babe.” Will kisses him. “Logan came to get me when he woke up so I made him breakfast and we’ve been hanging out. You were sound asleep, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Thanks.” James takes a seat next to Logan. “Were you able to sleep, bud?”

“Yeah.” Logan sips his apple juice. “My dad told me dreams are make believe, but I was still a little scared. I felt better knowing you and my dad were here to protect me.”

Will and James share a smile at Logan’s comment. “I’m glad to hear that, buddy.”

Lucky comes into the kitchen barking. “I think someone’s hungry.”

“I’ll feed him, Dad.” Logan climbs off the stool. “Come on, Lucky.”

Lucky barks and follows Logan.

Will motions to the coffee pot. “Do you want some coffee, babe?”

“Yes, please.”

Will pours a cup and hands it to James.

“Thanks.”

“So,” Will joins James at the counter. “the ceremony is at the 4 and the reception starts right after. The cocktail hour is at 3 so Logan and I will be leaving around 2:30 because the wedding party is going to take pictures and make an appearance at the cocktail hour. Before the ceremony starts, I’ll come find you and introduce you to everyone. Logan doesn’t know any off them though, so you’re still good with staying with him during the ceremony, right?”

“Of course.” James sips his coffee. “I’m not planning on going to the cocktail hour, I hope that’s okay. I don’t know anyone and since you won’t be with me, I’m not going to be comfortable on my own. I’ll make sure I arrive before the ceremony so you can drop Logan off with me and to meet everyone.”

“I understand. I’d offer to stay with you at the cocktail hour and introduce you to everyone, but I’m only going to be stop by briefly. Jay and Erin are only having a cocktail hour because it’s standard and since some of the guests are coming from other parts of Chicago, they want there to be someplace to go if they arrive early.”

James nods. “I’m looking to meeting all your friends.”

“Everyone’s going to love you, babe.” Will smiles. “Natalie, Kim, Sarah, and Antonio are in the wedding party so you won’t meet them until the reception. Ethan, Melissa, Jeff, Maggie, and April and some of my brother and Erin’s co-workers and friends will be sitting with you during the ceremony.”

He clears his throat and continues. “Which reminds me, I don’t know where Connor will be sitting, but you’ll likely see him during the ceremony. And we’re sitting at a different table than him and Mouse, but we’ll likely cross paths with them during the reception since there’s not a lot of people attending.”

“I understand.” James puts his hands on the counter. “Are any of your family members coming?”

“I have no idea.” Will shrugs his shoulders. “I honestly don't even know if Jay invited any of our family. We haven’t really kept in touch with anyone since our mom died and we stopped talking to our dad.”

“Do you ever wish you had a better relationship with your father?”

“All the time.” Will looks down. “I wish we had a father who was loving and supportive instead of toxic and impossible to be around. It’s sad to say, but walking out on him was the best thing that Jay and I ever did because we both got a chance to start our lives over fresh after losing our mom. Jay’s too proud to admit it, but I know he wishes our dad was here for his wedding day.”

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“Thanks.” Will looks up. “But, you know, Jay and I have each other, so that’s all we need.”

James rests his hand on top of Will’s. “You have me too, Will.”

“I know, thanks, babe.” Will intertwines their fingers. “What time do you have to get back to your hotel?”

“I’m off from work all weekend so I’m in no rush.”

Will walks over to James. “So you’re up for spending the morning with me and Logan?”

James kisses Will. “That sounds perfect.”

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 9:30 A.M.**

Slowly opening his eyes to adjust to the sun streaming through the window, Connor turns his head to find Mouse still asleep next to him. _They had a really great night together, Connor can’t remember the last time he was this happy._

“Mm,” Mouse groans as his eyes open. “good morning.”

“Good morning, babe.” Connor kisses him. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really well, I was exhausted.” Mouse stretches and yawns. “You wore me out last night, babe.”

“So did you.” Connor laughs. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, I could eat.” Mouse smirks. “Or we could just stay in bed.”

“As tempting as that offer is, I’m starving.” Connor stands up and walks over to his dresser to get dressed. “Besides, we could always come back to bed.”

“Very true.” Mouse gets up and searches for his clothes. “You know, I don’t want this to sound cliché, but I’ve been with both men and women, and you are by far one of the best lovers I’ve ever had.”

Pulling his shirt over his head, Connor blushes slightly. “Really?”

“Yes.” A now dressed Mouse walks over to Connor. “The passion you bring, your attentiveness and patience, you don’t find that often. I can tell that each time we’ve had sex, it’s not just about fucking, it’s about connection, real intimacy, and actually making love.”

“It is, babe.” Connor replies. “I care a lot about you, but sometimes I’m not very good at expressing myself with words. So my actions, sexual or otherwise, are the way that I can show you how I feel about you.”

Mouse looks into Connor’s eyes. “I’m not good with words all the time either, but you’re the most incredible guy I’ve ever met, Connor, and I have strong feelings for you.”

Unsure of how else to respond, Connor pulls Mouse close to him for a passionate kiss.

Their kiss is interrupted by Connor’s phone beeping.

“Sorry.”

He takes his phone out to see a text from his sister.

**_Claire: Hey, Connor. Just wanted to say that I hope you and Mouse have a good time at the wedding today. Please send Jay and Erin my best and take lots of pictures so I can see how great the two of you look._ **

Connor smiles as he replies to her text. “It’s my sister. She says that she hopes we have a good time at the wedding and she wants us to takes lots of pictures so she can see how we look.”

“She’s sweet.”

“Anyway,” Connor motions with his head. “let’s go have some breakfast.”

Mouse follows Connor into the kitchen where he puts up coffee and then takes out a box of frozen Aunt Jemima pancakes.

“So, I’m not much a chef,” Connor shows the box to Mouse. “but I do warm up a mean frozen pancake. Interested?”

Mouse laughs. “Absolutely, babe.”

Connor nods as he washes his hands and then puts them into the toaster.

“What time do you have to be at Jay’s apartment?”

“Um, around 2:30.” Mouse takes a seat at the counter. “I’m meeting Will, Antonio, Jay, and Voight there and we’re going to take a limo to the hotel together. Erin stayed at her mom’s so all the girls are meeting there to take the limo to the hotel. Then we’re all going to take pictures at the hotel and stop by the cocktail hour before the ceremony starts.”

“I hate to ask and ruin our morning,” Connor takes a deep breath. “but did you happen to ask Jay and Erin if we’re sitting separately from Will and James?”

“I did and I meant to tell you, sorry.” Mouse replies. “We are sitting at a different table, so you don’t have to worry about that. But just so you know, Will’s son is coming, too, and the guest list isn’t very large so even though we’re sitting at different table, we’ll probably still run into them.”

“I figured as much.” Connor turns his head as the coffee finishes perking. “But, as long as I’m with you, I’ll be good.”

Mouse stands up and gives Connor a small kiss. “I’m gonna use the bathroom and then we can have breakfast and spend the rest of the morning together.”

“Sounds good, babe.”

**Scene : Wyndham Grand Chicago Riverfront, 3:45 P.M.**

Wyndham Grand Chicago Riverfront is a hotel located in downtown Chicago.  
Jay and the groomsmen are in the groom’s suite, while Erin and the women from the bridal party are in the bride’s suite. Since arriving about an hour ago, the bridal party has taken pictures together outside by the water and around the hotel, but Jay and Erin have not seen each other since it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. They’ve also attended the cocktail hour being held in the hotel’s main party room on the first floor. Following the cocktail hour, the ceremony is being held on the upstairs outdoor balcony and the reception starts immediately after in the 39th floor Penthouse Ballroom.

“How are you feeling, Jay?”

“I’m good, excited.” Jay looks out the window. “I’m glad the weather held out so we can have the ceremony outside.”

Antonio checks his watch. “It’s almost time, they’re gonna come get us to start the ceremony in less than 15 minutes.”

“I’m gonna head over to see Erin and the rest of the ladies in 10 minutes.” Voight walks towards Jay. “I’m so happy for you guys, Jay. I couldn’t think of anyone better for Erin.”

Voight pats him on the back. “Thanks, Sergeant.”

Will’s phone beeps. “James is here, I’m gonna go drop Logan off with him. Say goodbye to Uncle Jay, pal.”

“Bye, Uncle Jay!” Logan runs over to give Jay a hug, who picks him up. “I can’t wait to watch you marry Aunt Erin!”

“Thanks, buddy.” Logan hugs him. “I’ll see you later.”

“Come on, Logan,” Will puts his hand out. “let’s go.”

Jay puts his nephew down and Logan takes his father’s hand and they exit the suite.

Walking towards the hotel entrance, they see James.

“Hey, babe.”

“There they are.” James smiles. “My handsome boyfriend and his son.”

He gives Will a once over. “Although handsome is definitely an understatement because you look gorgeous, babe.”

Will kisses James. “Thanks. You look pretty great yourself, such a sexy and sophisticated look.”

“James,” Logan pulls at his hand. “thank you for watching me during my Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin’s wedding. I’m happy you’re here.”

“Aw,” James bends down to be eye level with Logan. “you’re welcome, buddy.”

Logan hugs James and Will smiles, pleased to see they’re continuing to get along so well.

“So, they’re gonna start getting us ready for the ceremony in a few minutes.” Will checks his watch. “And someone should be down to let you upstairs any minute to get settled.”

“Is there somewhere particular that you want Logan and me to sit?”

“Up front with us, of course.” A voice from behind them calls.

They turn around to see Melissa, Maggie, April, Jeff, and Ethan emerging from the room where the cocktail hour was being held.

Logan gets nervous by the appearance of these strangers and takes his dad’s hand.

“Hey, guys.” Will greets his friends as he sense his son’s uneasiness. “There’s two people I want to introduce you. First, this is my boyfriend, James. James, this is Melissa, Maggie, April, Jeff, and Ethan, my friends from work.”

“It’s nice to meet all of you.” James shakes their hands.

“And then,” Will scoops his son up in his arms. “this is my little guy, my son Logan.” He sees the apprehension on Logan’s face. “You don’t have to be scared, pal. These are my friends, we work together.”

“Hi.” Logan gives a small wave before turning away.

“Sorry,” Will puts his hand on his son’s back. “Logan gets a little shy and nervous around new people, it takes some time for him to open up.”

“It’s okay.” Maggie smiles. “He’s adorable.”

“Absolutely.” Melissa nods in agreement. “And aside from the blonde hair, he looks like you.”

“You seem like a total pro, by the way.” Jeff chimes in. “He’s so calm in your arms.”

Will chuckles as he rubs Logan’s back. “Thanks.”

A woman walks over to them. “All guests here for the Halstead-Lindsay wedding can start heading upstairs to the terrace for the ceremony.”

“Oh, that means I better get back.” Will puts Logan down. “Buddy, I have to go and get ready to be in Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin’s wedding, but you’re gonna stay with James and I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay, Dad.” Logan replies as he stands next to James.

Will kisses James. “See you at the reception, babe.” He turns to his friends. “See you guys later.”

Will quickly walks back to the groom’s suite to make sure he doesn’t miss his place.

“Come on, honey.” Ethan turns to Melissa, who grabs a hold of his arm. “Let’s head upstairs.”

Ethan and Melissa head upstairs with April, Maggie, and Jeff following.

“You ready, buddy?” James asks Logan.

Logan nods, taking James’ hand as they follow everyone else upstairs.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone is assembled on the outdoor patio, adorned in Jay and Erin's wedding colors of purple and gray. It is a picturesque sunny spring day and there is even a slight breeze, perfect weather for a wedding.

The wedding procession starts and first to come down the aisle are Will and Kim. Next are Mouse and Natalie, followed by Antonio and Sarah, and finally Jay. They all take their places at the altar alongside the priest.

The organ then plays a few notes and everyone stands, turning their attention to the aisle. Erin, accompanied by her mother and Voight, approaches the end of the aisle. She is wearing a gorgeous, custom-made strapless wedding dress that exudes elegance. “Here Comes The Bride” starts playing over the sound system as Erin slowly makes her way down the aisle. Everyone is smiling, but the biggest smiles belong to Jay and Erin as their eyes meet.

Arriving at the front, Erin hugs her mom and Voight before joining Jay at the altar.

“You look so beautiful, Erin.”

“Thanks, honey.”

“Please be seated everyone.” The priest clears his throat. “Good afternoon and welcome to this joyous occasion. We are here today to join Jay Halstead and Erin Lindsay in the bonds of holy matrimony before God and the people they love. Jay and Erin have chosen to express their feelings in the forms of vows they have written themselves.”

Jay takes a piece of paper out of his pocket. “Erin, standing here today, it is clear to me now that everything in my life has led me to you. I think back on my choices and consider even the bad ones blessed, because if I had done one thing differently, I would never have met you. When we first met, I'll admit that I was drawn in by your beauty, but I stayed when I realized that you are just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. Your kindness and compassion are the things I love most about about you, they shine through your soul and onto mine and everyone else’s life you touch.”

He swallows to choke his back his emotions and continues. “As your husband, I promise to love you without reservation, to comfort you when times are difficult, to rally with you, to anticipate your needs, to give you my all, to be your partner in all things, to work toward our happiness and revel in our good times. I will respect you, honor you, and cherish you. You are the love of my life, you make me the happiest man on earth, happier than I could ever have imagined, and I feel blessed to start our lives together.”

Unable to control herself after hearing Jay’s vows, Erin wipes away the tears that are trailing down her face as Kim hands her a piece of paper. “Jay, there were times in my life when I thought that love just wasn’t in the cards for me. After the tough life I had, I thought maybe the idea of finding a happily ever after was simply too far fetched. But, then you came along and proved me wrong. We come from different worlds so we were never the most obvious match, but it was an inexplicable force that brought us together. From the moment we first met and I saw how wonderful you were, I knew you were the one.”

She pauses to take a deep breath to get her emotions under control and continues. “As your wife, I promise to challenge you to be everything I know you can be, to love you for who you truly are, to grow with you, to learn with you, to live our days hand in hand, and to always help you see in yourself what I see in you, an amazing man, for whom I will always feel the greatest pride and admiration. You and I were meant to be, I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you, and I look forward to starting our journey as husband and wife together.”

Jay wipes away his own tears, overwhelmed by Erin’s words.

“We will now move onto the rings.” The priest announces.

Will and Kim each hand Jay and Erin a ring. “Jay, place the ring on Erin’s finger and repeat after me. ‘Erin, I have chosen you alone from all the world to be my trusted partner in life. I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love and our promises.’”

Jay places the ring on Erin’s finger. “Erin, I have chosen you alone from all the world to be my trusted partner in life. I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love and our promises.”

Erin smiles as the priest turns to her. “Erin, place the ring on Jay’s finger and repeat after me. ‘Jay, I have chosen you alone from all the world to be my trusted partner in life. I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love and our promises.’”

Erin slips the ring on Jay’s finger. “Jay, I have chosen you alone from all the world to be my trusted partner in life. I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love and our promises.”

They take each other hands as the priest continues. “Do you, Jay, take Erin to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you swear before God and everyone in attendance that you will love, honor, cherish, respect, and comfort her, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health? Do you promise to share your joys and sorrows, help her when she needs help and turn to her first when you need help, and forsaking all others, to be faithful to her alone?”

“I do.”

“Do you, Erin, take Jay to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you swear before God and everyone in attendance that you will love, honor, cherish, respect, and comfort him, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health? Do you promise to share your joys and sorrows, help him when he needs help and turn to him first when you need help, and forsaking all others, to be faithful to him alone?”

“I do.”

“Then, by the power vested in me by the state of Illinois and by God, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Everyone stands up to clap and cheer as Jay and Erin kiss passionately.

After kissing, Jay and Erin walk down the aisle followed by Kim & Will, Mouse & Natalie, and Antonio & Sarah.

A man steps up the microphone. “Everyone, please head inside and follow the staff as we will escort you upstairs for the reception.”

“James,” Logan looks up at him from his seat. “are my Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin married now?”

“Yes, they are and now it’s time to go inside with everyone and celebrate. Do you wanna do that?”

“Yes.” Logan scratches his head. “Are we going to eat? I’m hungry.”

James chuckles. “Yes, buddy. There will be food, music, and dancing. It’s going to be a lot of fun.”

“Okay.” Logan slides off the chair and grasps James’ hand. “Let’s go.”

The two of them get in line and follow everyone inside, where they will be taking the elevator to the 39th floor.

“Will’s son is the cutest thing I have ever seen.” April gushes to Maggie as they step off the elevator. “That little face and his shyness, I just wanna squeeze him.”

Maggie laughs. “He’s very cute. And I know we don’t know him, but James seems to be really great with Logan. Just from what I saw during the ceremony, Logan is so comfortable with him, it must be a relief for Will that they’re getting along so well.”

As they continue down the hallway, they hear someone cough and turn around to see Connor walking behind them with Adam Ruzek, Alvin Olinsky, Kelly Severide, and Peter Stone.

“Oh, my God, Connor.” Maggie’s eyes widen upon seeing him. “I’m so sorry you heard that, I had no idea you were walking behind us.”

“It’s alright, Maggie. No need to apologize.” Connor ignores the twinge of pain deep down. “Will and I are in the past, we've both moved on and that’s what’s important.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Connor calmly replies. “Will needs to be with someone that his son likes and I’m glad he’s found that.”

“Alright then.”

Everyone stops as they arrive at the Penthouse Ballroom with a sign reading “Halstead-Lindsay Wedding” on the door. It is a large, open room with lots of lighting and windows that provide a view of downtown Chicago and is set up with a long, rectangular table for the wedding party and a number of circular tables for the guests with the dance floor and DJ booth in the center of the room and the bar off to the side. The color scheme of purple and gray is present everywhere from the place settings to the flowers to the table center pieces.

Located just outside the ballroom is a small round table with everyone’s place cards that denotes what table they are sitting at.

“Wow,” Melissa looks around in amazement. “this rooms looks absolutely stunning.”

“Welcome, everyone.” The DJ greets them. “Please find your seats, have some food, and get a drink. The wedding party will be joining us momentarily as we wait to welcome to the newlyweds.”

James and Logan take their seats and find that they are sitting with Ethan, Melissa, April, Maggie, and Jeff. There are two empty seats at their table, presumably for Will and Natalie.

“They did a beautiful job setting everything up,” Jeff comments as he looks around. “If and when Natalie and I get married, I hope our wedding is as beautiful as this.”

“Are you talking wedding bells, Dr. Clarke?” Maggie teases. “I didn’t know it was so serious between you and Natalie.”

“It’s getting there.” Jeff replies, unable to suppress a smile. “I’m crazy in love with her and it’s going on almost a year now that we’re together. I don’t wanna rush things, but I could definitely see spending my life with her and raising Owen as my son.”

“Aw,” Melissa turns to Ethan. “that is so sweet. Natalie and I have gotten pretty close and I have a sneaking suspicion she has similar feelings.”

“I agree.” April chimes in. “She’s clearly in love with you, too, and you guys don’t have the same obstacles facing you that Tate and I did. Even before the miscarriage, we were always on two completely different pages, but you and Natalie don’t have that problem so just trust how you feel.”

“Thanks, April.”

James turns to April. “You had a miscarriage, April?”

“I did.” She sadly replies. “Two months ago. I have TB so the combination of the medicine I’m on plus my working caused me to lose my baby.”

“I’m so sorry.” James tilts his head sympathetically. “That is terrible.”

“Thanks, but I’ve accepted that it wasn’t meant to be.” April adjusts her positions to face James. “My ex-fiancée and I weren’t right for each other so having a baby would’ve just kept us together for the wrong reasons. As sad as it was when it happened, I think it was for the best because it caused us to reexamine our relationship and end it because on some level we both knew it wasn’t working for either of us.”

She looks at Logan, who is eating some salad. “I’ve seen how Logan has changed Will’s life and that is the very reason I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I know my time will come when I meet the right guy so I just have to be patient.”

“You have a great attitude about it,” James compliments her. “it’s impressive.”

“Well, thank you.” April clears her throat. “I know none of us really know you, but I’m really glad Will’s found someone who’s so great with his son. That and you seem like a very genuine guy, in addition to being quite handsome."

“You’re very kind, thank you, and not to mention model pretty."

Their conversation is interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around James’ neck.

“Guess who?”

“Dad!” Logan shouts in joy.

“Hey there, pal.” James scoots over and Will takes a seat between the two of them. “Thanks for watching him during the ceremony, babe.”

James kisses him. “My pleasure.”

“Jay and Erin will be coming in soon for their first dance and then they’re going to come around to start taking dinner orders.” Will motions to the menu, which is located under the plates. “The dinner choices are on the menu, pretty standard.”

“Hm, looks good.” James looks at the menu. “I’m gonna go to the bar and get a drink. Do you or Logan want something, babe?”

“A club soda, please.”

Logan raises his hand. “Me, too.”

James gets up. “Be right back.”

James walks over to the bar and is greeted by one of the bartenders, a young blonde woman named Jennifer. “Hello, what can I get for you?”

“Two club sodas and a ginger ale with lime, please.”

“Coming right up.”

James taps his fingers on the bar as he waits for the drinks when someone walks up next to him.

“Hello, what can I get for you?” The male bartender asks.

“Makers, neat, and a Grey Goose on the rocks, please.”

James recognizes the voice and turns around to see Connor. _He knew he’d run into him at some point so it’s time to bite the bullet._

“Connor, hi.”

“Hi, James.” Connor takes a deep breath, feeling uncomfortable. “It’s…it’s, um, good to see you.”

“You too, you look good.”

Jennifer sets his drinks on the bar.

“Thank you.”

Connor notices the drinks. “Three drinks, huh?”

“Oh, yeah.” James tries to find the right thing to say. “Listen, Connor, I know this is weird and awkward and I want you to know that this was never how I expected things to turn out. I was so surprised when I heard you and Will broke up because I saw how much in love you two were when we ran into each other last spring in New York City and I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I fully expected to come back to Chicago and find you two still together, I never had any plans of getting back together with Will, but I couldn’t pass on the opportunity when it presented itself.”

“You don't have to explain yourself, James, I understand.” Connor puts his hand up as he turns to the bartender who sets his drinks on the bar. “Thank you.”

Connor composes himself before turning back to James and continuing. “I think you’re a good guy, James, I have since we met in New York City and that doesn’t change because you’re with Will now. I know you didn’t come back to Chicago with designs of breaking us up or getting back together with Will. We caused our own breakup so you have nothing to apologize for or explain.”

“Thank you.”

“I heard Maggie and April talking and apparently Logan’s really taken to you,” Connor tries to hide in the pain in his voice since Logan never liked him. “Will needs to be a guy that Logan likes since being a dad is his most responsibility and there’s honestly no one better than I could think of than you. When we met, I could read on your face and hear in your voice how much you care for Will, how remorseful you were over the way things ended between you two, so even though it pains me to admit it, it’s a good thing you came back into Will’s life.”

“Wow,” James is speechless. “I don’t know what to say, Connor.”

Connor hesitates to ask this question, but a part of him needs to know. “Do you love Will?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Good.” Connor feels his heart ache at James’ response, but he knows it’s for the best. “Take care of him and treat him right because that’s what he deserves. Logan too.”

“I will.” James extends his hand. “Thank you, Connor.”

Connor shakes James’ hand, grabs his drinks, and walks away. _That was a very difficult conversation to have, but at least it’s over with._

**_To Be Continued…_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	71. Jay and Erin's Wedding, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I know it might seem strange that, in a story about Connor and Will, I devoted 2 chapters to the wedding of Jay and Erin. I have done this for two reasons: (a) I don't like the way Jay and Erin's story has unfolded on Chicago PD so I've wanted to give them a happier story (b) Family is an essential part of this story, for both Connor and Will, through their relationship and now their breakup, and being Will's brother, Jay, and subsequently Erin, have been prominent secondary characters since the beginning that I feel deserve their own time and attention. However, moving on from this chapter, I will not only be going back to be posting chapters every week, but the focus will be shifting back to Connor and Will.
> 
> 3.) I spent a lot of time working on these two chapters for Jay and Erin's wedding so please follow along to the Pinterest board for this chapter as you read this chapter to enjoy the full experience: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-chapter-71-jay-erins-wedd/.

> **Scene : Wyndham Grand Chicago Riverfront (con’t)**

Returning to the table with drinks in hand, James sees the final vacant chair at the table is occupied.

“Thanks, babe.” Will motions to Natalie. “I’d like you to meet my best friend, Natalie. Natalie, this is my boyfriend, James.”

“It’s really nice to meet you, James.” Natalie extends her hand. “Will has told me a lot about you.”

James shakes her hand. “Same here.”

“Honey,” Jeff turns to Natalie. “would you like a drink?”

“A glass of Chardonnay, please.”

Jeff stands up. “Be right back.”

“So,” Natalie redirects her attention back to James. “how are you enjoying being back in Chicago, James?”

“It’s great.” James replies. “I’m originally from here so it’s nice to be back home to see my family. We visited back and forth while I was in New York City, but it’s not the same as living here, even if it’s only temporarily. Plus, it’s been amazing reconnecting with Will and to get to be a part of his and Logan's lives.”

“Aw,” Natalie gushes. “that’s really sweet.” 

She looks at Logan and waves. “Hi, Logan. Do you remember me?”

Logan nods. “I do. You’re Natalie, you look really pretty.”

Natalie smiles. “Thank you, sweetheart. Did you enjoy the ceremony?”

“It was a little boring.” Logan responds, causing Will, Natalie, and James to laugh. “Dad, when am I going to see Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin?”

“They’ll be here in a few minutes, they’re going to come and dance.” Will snaps his fingers. “I should actually go make sure the DJ has their first dance song all set.” He turns to James. “Can you watch Logan? I’ll be right back.”

“Sure, babe.”

“Thanks.”

Will stands up and heads over to the DJ booth.

“Hey there, do you have a song request?”

“Hi. No I don’t.” Will clears his throat. “I’m the brother of the groom and I just wanted to make sure that you have the song set that Jay and Erin are going to play for their first dance.”

“I do.” The DJ confirms. “From This Moment by Shania Twain.”

“Great, thanks.”

“No problem.”

Will turns to walks away and stops when he sees Connor and Mouse sitting at their table with Adam Ruzek, Peter Stone, Alvin Olinsky, Anna Valdez, Kevin Atwater, and Kelly Severide. _Connor looks really handsome, he and Mouse seem comfortable together. He always thought it'd be the two of them attending Jay and Erin’s wedding together, not separately with dates. Man, how things have changed._

Will’s thoughts are interrupted by a man and a woman walking up behind him. The woman is average height with long dark hair and dark eyes wearing a red dress and high heels, while the man is also average height with short length slick backed dark hair, dark eyes, and a beard wearing a black suit. 

“Will.”

He turns around and is stunned as to who he sees.

“Aunt Kelly?! Uncle Shawn?!”

“Hey, Will.” Kelly hugs her nephew. “It’s so good to see you.”

“I can’t believe you guys are here!” Will hugs his uncle. “I didn't know Jay invited you or that you were even back in Chicago.”

“Yeah, we moved back a couple of months ago.” Shawn responds. “It was unexpected, but Jay found us on Facebook about three months ago and invited us.”

“So of course we came.” Kelly finishes her husband’s sentence. “I mean, there was no way we were missing our nephew’s wedding.” 

“Were you at the ceremony?”

“We were.” Kelly nods. “It was beautiful, their vows were so heartfelt.”

“I’m so happy you guys are here!” Will beams. “It’s been so long. I can’t believe Jay didn’t tell me.”

“We were really surprised he even invited us.” Shawn shares a looks with his wife. “After the way we left things, we didn’t think either of you wanted to hear from us ever again.”

“That is completely untrue.” Will shakes his head. “Neither Jay nor I blamed you for leaving the way you did. It was our dad’s fault, his actions drove you guys to leave after Mom died. We understood that and were never mad at you, Jay wouldn’t have invited you otherwise. We were just sad you left because we love you.”

“We love you guys, too.” Kelly smiles. “We’ve really missed you, both of you.”

“And we’re so proud of you, Will.” Shawn puts his hand on Will’s shoulder. “Even though we weren't speaking, we checked up on you on Facebook and we saw you come out last year. It’s an incredibly brave thing to walk fearlessly in your truth and be honest with the world about something so personal, we couldn’t be prouder.”

“Thanks, Uncle Shawn.”

“Also, congratulations are in order since you’re engaged!” Kelly enthusiastically tells her nephew. “You deactivated your Facebook, but from the pictures we saw, it looks like you and your fiancé have created a really nice life together. We’d love to meet him, is he here?”

“Absolutely.” Shawn chimes in. “We gotta make sure we approve of this guy before you marry him. His name’s Connor, right?”

Will sighs. N _ot long after his breakup with Connor, he deactivated his Facebook because it was a reminder of everything he lost and obviously his aunt and uncle never saw they broke up._ “Connor is here, but we, um, broke up about two months ago and our engagement is over. That’s why I deactivated my Facebook.”

“Oh, Will, honey, I’m so sorry.” Kelly sympathetically replies. “This must be such a hard time for you."

“It was hard, but Connor and I had issues that we just couldn’t work through.” Will explains without going into detail. “We've both moved on, he’s here with someone else and so am I. His name’s James.” Will motions to the table where James is talking to Logan. “That’s him over there.”

“Well, moving on is healthy.” Shawn watches Logan and James interact. “Who is that little boy sitting next to James?”

Will takes a deep breath. _Oh, boy, here it goes._ “That’s my son, Logan.”

“Your son?!” 

“I-I don’t understand.” A confused Kelly looks at her husband who is equally as confused. “How…since when you do you have a son?”

“Hello, everyone.” The DJ announces. “Please take your seats as the newlyweds are about to join us and have their first dance.”

“I will explain everything later,” Will tells his aunt and uncle. “promise.”

“Alright.”

Will walks away as Kelly and Shawn return to their seats.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Jay Halstead.”

The doors to the room open and Jay and Erin walk in holding hands as the guests clap.

“Please stay seated as Jay and Erin take the dance floor for their first dance as husband and wife.”

“From This Moment” by Shania Twain starts playing as Jay and Erin walk onto the dance floor and begin dancing.

_I do swear that I’ll always be there. I’d give anything and everything and I will always care. Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better or worse, I will love you with every beat of my heart. From this moment, life has begun. From this moment, you are the one. Right beside you is where I belong, from this moment on._

The guests watch as Jay and Erin dance slowly, eyes locked. Everyone’s watching them, but in this moment, it feels as if it's just the two of them.

_From this moment, I have been blessed. I live only for your happiness and for your love, I’d give my last breath. From this moment. I give my hand to you with all my heart. I can’t wait to live my life with you, I can’t wait to start. You and I will never be apart, my dreams came true became of you. From this moment as long as I live, I will love you, I promise you this. There is nothing I wouldn’t give, from this moment._

Will smiles as he watches his brother and now official sister-in-law Erin dance. He momentarily locks eyes with Connor, thoughts of their life coming rushing to the surface, before quickly looking away. 

_You’re the reason I believe in love and you’re the answer to my prayers from up above. All we need is just the two of us. My dreams came true because of you. From this moment, as long as I live, I will love you, I promise you this. There is nothing I wouldn’t give. From this moment. I will love you as long as I live, from this moment on._

**Scene : Wyndham Grand Chicago Riverfront, 45 minutes later**

The appetizers have been served, dinner orders have been taken, and everyone is mingling while waiting for dinner to be served.Will is sitting with his aunt and uncle.

“Wait,” Shawn puts his hand up. “so let me get this straight, your dad blackmailed Amanda to leave Chicago without telling you she was pregnant five years ago and you only found out about Logan two months ago when she was unfortunately killed in an accident while visiting?”

“That’s correct.”

“Un-fucking-believable.” Kelly angrily shakes her head. “Your father’s pulled a lot of shit, but this is a new low. Even for him. That man is pure poison. He did so much to our family, to my sister all those years she was sick, he’s the reason we lost touch with you and your brother for two years, and now to find out he kept you from your son…it’s just unacceptable.”

“Aunt Kelly,” Will tries to relax his aunt. “I know you’re angry. I was really angry too, but we can’t change who my dad is. He’s not in my life, or Jay’s, and I know about Logan now so that’s what matters.”

“Honey,” Shawn turns to his wife. “you know that I’m no fan of Josh, he and I had it out multiple times, but I think Will’s right. We just have to focus on the present.”

Kelly takes a breath to calm herself. “I’m sorry, Will, it’s just your father is such a sore subject for me after all the crap he’s done.”

“Believe me, I understand.”

Shawn puts his arm around Kelly. “How are you finding fatherhood, Will?”

“It was an adjustment at first, as I’m sure you both know from being parents.” Will explains. “I honestly never wanted children or even thought I was cut out to be a parent, but it’s surprisingly come pretty naturally. Logan’s a really great kid, sweet, smart, outgoing with a fun personality. He’s very easygoing and agreeable. I never knew I had any sort of paternal instincts, but they kicked in as soon as I found out he was my son. I love him so much and now I just can’t imagine life without him.”

“That’s really great, Will. And Logan’s at a great age, too, where he understands the things going on around him and can communicate clearly with you.” Kelly smiles. “Speaking of, Julie says hi and hopes to see you and Jay soon.”

“How is Julie?”

“Julie’s doing great.” Shawn responds. “In her final year of college. She got into NYU Law School so she's very excited.”

“Wow, I can’t believe she’s all grown up. Time really goes so fast.” Will bites his lip. “My boyfriend James went to NYU Law. He’s a lawyer now and works for a firm in the city. You guys are really going to like him when you meet him. Logan, too, although he’s a little shy around new people.”

“A lot of young kids are.” Kelly clears his throat. “I hate to ask, Will, but did Logan have anything to do with your breakup with Connor?”

Will’s face drops. “Wh-why would you ask that?”

“Just the timing.” Kelly replies. “I know a child can impact a relationship. When your uncle and I had Julie, it changed our relationship, so I’m just curious is all.”

“But,” Shawn interjects. “you don’t have to tell us if you’re not comfortable. It’s very personal and not really our business.”

“Your uncle’s right, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pry.”

“It's okay.” Will looks down, unsure of how to properly respond. “Yes, Logan was part of the reason we broke up, it’s very complicated.”

Their conversation is interrupted by Jay and Erin walking over to the table.

“Aunt Kelly! Uncle Shawn!”

“Hey, Jay.” Kelly hugs him. “Congratulations.”

“I’m so glad you guys made it.” Jay hugs his uncle. “This is Erin.”

“It’s lovely to meet you, Erin.” Kelly and Shawn hug her, catching the new bride a bit by surprise but embracing the how welcoming they are. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Erin smiles. “It’s so nice to meet you guys. I’ve always wanted to meet more of Jay’s relatives.”

Will turns to his brother. “How come you didn’t tell me you invited them?” 

“Well, I wasn’t sure if they were going to come,” Jay replies. “so I didn’t want to say anything.”

“We wouldn’t miss your big day, honey.” Kelly brushes her nephew’s shirt. “You’re such a handsome groom, Jay, and your bride is absolutely stunning.”

Shawn pats Jay on the back. “Thank you for inviting us. We were telling your brother that we were surprised considering how we left things when we moved away.”

“And as I hope Will told you, we don’t blame you for that. We blame our dad for driving you away.” Jay looks to his brother for confirmation. “You’re family and I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” The DJ announces. “please takes your seats. Dinner is being served.”

“We’ll see you guys later.” Jay hugs his aunt and uncle before he and Erin leave.

“After dinner, I’ll introduce you guys to James and Logan.”

Shawn and Kelly nod as Will walks away so the other people sitting at their table, some members of Firehouse 51 and a few cops, can take their seats.

An hour and a half hour later, everyone has eaten and Kelly and Shawn have joined Will, James, and Logan at their table.

“I’m so happy to meet you, Logan.” Kelly leans down to be eye level with Logan. “I can’t get over how much you look like your grandma.”

Will smiles sadly at the comment. _He never really thought about how much Logan looks like his mom. If only she could have met him..._

“This is my husband, Shawn.”

Shawn waves. “Hi, buddy.” 

“Your eyes look like my uncle Jay’s.” Logan looks up at Will. “Dad, are we related to them?”

"We are, pal.” Will nods. “They’re your great aunt Kelly and great uncle Shawn. She is your grandma’s sister.”

“You were right, Will.” Shawn remarks. “He is a smart kid.”

James returns to the table, taking a seat next to Will. “Sorry about that, work emergency. Even when I take the weekend off, they somehow manage to grab my attention.”

“Will was telling us that you’re a lawyer.”

“I am.” James takes a sip of his water. “I work for a firm in New York City, but I’m here in Chicago right now setting up our new office.”

“Our daughter Julie is looking to become a lawyer.” Shawn replies. “She’s graduating this spring and starting NYU Law School in the fall, which is where Will said you went.”

“I did.” James leans forward. “Is she going to be moving into the dorm?”

“Yes, she is.” Kelly replies. “We’re working on financial aid and all sorts of stuff right now, but the dorm seems to be her best option. Renting an apartment in New York City is just outrageous.”

“Oh, completely outrageous. I had a roommate until last year.” James tells the Bennett’s. “I dormed at NYU when I was there. It was a good experience and taught me responsibility and how to get by on my own. When she gets to NYU, I’d be happy to show her around and help her get acclimated.”

“That’s really kind of you, thanks.”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” The DJ announces. “the bride and groom would like to invite all of the couples here tonight to join them on the dance floor for these next two songs.”

James turns to Will. “Care to dance?”

“I would,” Will looks around and sees couples heading towards the dance floor. “but there’s no one to watch Logan.”

“We’ll watch him.” Maggie offers, referring to April and herself. 

“You guys go dance, we got this.”

An unsure Will turns to Logan. “Will you be okay if James and I go dance and we leave you with Maggie and April? We’ll be right over there.”

“Yes, Dad.” 

“He’ll be fine, babe.” James tries to reassure Will. “We’re not going far.”

“We won’t take our eyes off him.” Maggie vows. 

April puts her hand up. “Promise.”“Okay.” 

A reluctant Will gets up and joins James on the dance floor. John Legend’s “All of Me” is playing and there are other couples on the dance floor: Jay & Erin, Ethan & Melissa, Jeff & Natalie, Mouse & Connor, Shawn & Kelly, Trudy & Randall, and Kim & Adam. 

As the song plays, Will is only half focused as he is staring at Logan who is sitting and joking with April and Maggie. 

“Will,” James waves his hand in front of Will’s face to get his attention. “Logan’s fine, we’re only a few feet away.”

“You’re right.” Will turns to James as the song ends. “Aw, the song’s over. I’m sorry.”

“Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden begins playing.

“Ah, I love this song.” James smiles as he puts his arm around Will. “Perfect song to slow dance to.”

Will smiles as he puts his hand on James’ hip.

_I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy. I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need. I love you more with every breath, truly madly, deeply do._

“You know, Will,” James looks into Will's eyes. “sometimes I can’t get over how far we’ve come. Getting back together and reconnecting like we have always seemed like a pipe dream to me, I never thought it would actually happen. And now that it has, eight years later, it’s better than I ever could’ve imagined.”

 _I will be strong, I will be faithful ‘cause I'm counting on a new beginning. A reason for living. A deeper meaning._  

“I was lost without you and having you back in my life is the greatest gift I have ever gotten, thank you for giving me another chance. It also means so much that you’ve let me become a part of Logan’s life. What we have now is what I always wanted for us and I don’t ever want to lose it again. I know it might be fast, but I love you, Will.”

Will is slightly taken aback by James’ confession of love, but his heart flutters at the same time. _It hasn’t been very long, but it’s like they picked up where they left off all those years ago and it’s all been so easy._ “I love you, too, James.”

James smiles and leans in to kiss Will tenderly.

An hour later, it is time for the speeches.

Will stands up, glass in hand. “Good evening, everyone. As one of the best men, I’m going to be giving the first speech. Jay, you’ve been there for me my whole life without fail. Always the big brother I could turn to no matter what, providing an example for the type of man I wanted to be. We’ve always been close, always with a tight bond, and because of that, I watched your love with Erin grow from day one. I think you found your perfect match in her because not only is she beautiful and sweet with a kind heart, but she challenges you and makes you better. And that is what love is supposed to do. Erin, I am honored to welcome you to into our family and to call you my sister-in-law. I love you both so much and I wish you a lifetime of health, happiness, and love.” He raises his glass. “Cheers!”

The rest of the guests raise their glasses and reply. “Cheers!”

Mouse stands up, glass in hand. “Hi, everyone. Best man number two here. Jay, you not only exemplify what it means to be a true friend, but also what it means to be a good man. You’re always there for the people you love, you’re honorable, you're generous, and from the day we met in the army all those years ago, I knew we were going to be the best of friends. We’ve seen each other through a number of challenges and hardships and there’s no one I’d trust with my life more than you. Like Will said, Erin is your perfect match, because aside from her beauty and kindness, she has that same sense of loyalty and devotion to the people she loves. It’s been a pleasure to watch your relationship grow over the years and I couldn’t be more thrilled to be here to share in this joyous occasion. I love you both and wish you nothing but the best in the future.” He raises his glass. “Cheers!”

The rest of the guests raises their glasses and reply. “Cheers!”

 Kim stands up, glass in hand. “Hi, everyone. I’m Kim, Erin’s maid of honor. I haven’t known Erin as long as Mouse has known Jay, but I feel that we are  very close friends, just like they are  and as Will and Jay are brothers. When I first became a Chicago PD officer, I had the training and the skills, but the truth is that I lacked the confidence. But then I met Erin, this self-assured detective who exuded confidence with every move she made and every word she said. She offered to take me under her wing, to help build up my confidence, and that was the beginning of our friendship nearly two years ago. Since then, I’ve learned so much from her, not just about being a cop, but about being a person. Erin is the purest soul I have ever, spreading light everywhere she goes, and freely giving herself to those in need and to those she cares about. I am blessed to call this selfless person my best friend who I love like my own sister. Jay is the only person who could ever properly compliment Erin, because as Will and Mouse already said,  he is a man of integrity whose positivity lights up the world in the same way Erin does. You guys are amazing friends, I love you both, and I wish you a future full of love and happiness.” She raises her glass. “Cheers!”

The rest of the guests raise their glasses and reply. “Cheers!”

45 minutes later the cake has been cut and dessert and coffee are now being enjoyed.

Bunny sits down in the unoccupied chair next to Will. Logan is with Jay and Erin and James is talking to Natalie and Jeff.

“Hey there, Will.”

"Bunny, hi.” Will greets her. “Congratulations, the wedding’s been beautiful.”

“Thank you. But I think I’m the one who should be congratulating you.”

“Me?” Will furrows his brow. “For what?”

“For that hot boy-toy you came here with.” Bunny smirks. “Tell me, does he keep you warm all those lonely nights without Connor?”

“Excuse me? Boy-toy?” Will cocks his head to the side. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“I might’ve had a few drinks,” Bunny slurs her words. “but I know what I'm talking about. James is hot, he likely has a beautiful body under those clothes, and he’s probably good in bed, too, but Connor’s a doctor for God’s sake and there’s no way James could ever measure up.”

“You’re right, James is not a doctor, he’s a lawyer.” Will indignantly replies. “And you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. It’s not any of your business, but what James and I have is very deep and special. It’s not purely physical as you’re implying. We dated years ago so we’re simply rekindling our romance and we also happen to be in love.”

A drunk Bunny scoffs. “Whatever you say, Will. But you can’t tell me that you didn’t bring him to the wedding to make Connor jealous.”

“You might be too immature to understand this,” Will emphasizes his words as he feels himself starting to get angry. “but Connor and I have both moved on. He’s dating Mouse, I’m dating James, and no one’s here to make anyone else jealous. We’re all adults getting on with our lives.”

“Alright then.” Bunny grabs her drink and gets up. “See you later, Will.”

Will takes a couple of breaths to calm himself. _What nerve Bunny has, who the hell does she think she is?_

“Is this seat taken?” 

Connor looks up and sees Bunny hovering next to him.

“Uh, no.” Connor motions to the seat. “It's all yours.”

Bunny sits. “Where’s your date, handsome?”

“He’s talking to some of the guys.” He smells the alcohol on Bunny’s breath. “Is there something I can help you, Ms. Fletcher?”

“Ms. Fletcher?” Bunny laughs into her drink. “That’s too formal. Call me Bunny, please.”

She sips her margarita before continuing. “I wanted to ask you who’s better in bed, Mouse or Will? I mean you’ve slept with both of the best men so surely you have an opinion."

“Whoa,” Connor thinks he must’ve heard incorrectly. “what did you just say to me?”

Bunny laughs. “Do I need to repeat the question?” 

Connor shakes his head. “What kind of question is that to ask about your son-in-law’s brother and best friend?”

“I’m just curious is all.” Bunny laughs. “You seemed to jump right from Will to Mouse after your breakup so I wanted to know your opinion.”

Connor makes a fist to contain his rising anger. “What the hell are you implying?”

Bunny puts her drink down. “I just find it convenient that after Will broke your heart, you found solace with Mouse. But nothing heals a broken heart faster than good sex, right?”

“You need to stop talking, Bunny.” Connor takes a deep breath. “Because what you’re saying is completely untrue.”

“Oh, dear, being easy is nothing to be ashamed of.” Bunny jokes, shoving his shoulder. “Especially when you’re hurting. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else and that’s exactly what you did with Mouse.”

“I can’t…” A now angry Connor gets up. “I’m not having this conversation.”

Connor walks away and Bunny picks up her drink, taking a sip. “Geez, everyone’s so sensitive.”

An hour later, the reception is winding down. Jay and Erin walk over to the DJ booth and grab two microphones.

“Before tonight ends, we just want to a minute to thank everyone for coming.” Jay looks around. “Your presence here made our wedding special.”

“We love each and every one of you and we are so glad you were all here to share today with us.” Erin adds. “Thank you.”

The guests clap as Jay and Erin kiss before making their way around the room to say their goodbyes.

“You ready to go, pal?” Will reaches for Logan’s hand who yawns. “Aw, someone’s tired.”

“Do I get to say goodbye to Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin?”

“Did we hear our names?”

“There they are!” Logan shouts excitedly. “I had fun at your wedding!”

“I’m glad, buddy.” Erin smiles. “Uncle Jay and I are going away tomorrow, but we’ll be back soon.”

Logan frowns. “Where are you going?”

“On a trip to celebrate our wedding.” Jay bends down to be eye level with his nephew. “But when we come back, we’ll do something fun, okay?”

Logan nods. “Now, we needs hugs before you can go.”

Logan hugs both Jay and Erin tightly. 

After prying Logan away from Jay and Erin, Will and James say their goodbyes.

“Congratulations again.” James hugs Erin. “And thank you for letting me a part of it.”

“Of course.” Jay shakes his hand. “You’re a good guy, James. We’ll see you all when we get back from our honeymoon.”

Jay and Erin wave as they walk off.“Your uncle and aunt were really nice.” James wraps his arm around Will. “They seem like good people.”

“They are.” Will picks Logan up in his arms. “It was great to see them and now that they’re back in Chicago, we’re gonna be seeing them more often. We’re all going to have dinner together when Jay and Erin get back from their honeymoon and I want you to be there so you can get to know them.”“Sounds good.”

They exit the reception room.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 11 P.M.**

Both changed into a pair of relaxing clothes, Connor and Mouse are sitting on the couch watching television.

“So, tell me,” Mouse looks at Connor, who pauses the show they’re watching. “on a scale of 1-10, how terrible was the wedding?”

Connor laughs. “It wasn’t terrible. The wedding was really nice, Erin looked gorgeous, and I’m really happy for her and Jay. It was just awkward to be in the same room as Will and James so I’m glad the night is over and we’re together now.”

“I know, babe.” Mouse reaches for his hand. “But, thanks for coming. I was so happy you were there to be my handsome date.”

Connor kisses Mouse. “My pleasure.”

“Anyway,” Mouse turns his attention back to the television. “let’s get back to watching _NCIS_.”

Connor resumes the episode as Mouse snuggles against him. _He’s very distracted, though, as his minds returns to his interaction with Bunny at the wedding. He stormed off after being so unnerved by what she said, but why? Is it possible there’s a hint of truth to it, did he jump so quickly into things with Mouse to heal his broken heart?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	72. Breaking the News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Chicago Med, One Week Later, Monday, April 3, 2017, 9 A.M.**

Will is sitting in the break room having breakfast when the door opens and Ethan walks in.

“Good morning, Will.”

“Good morning, bud.” Will takes a bite of his bagel. “We’ve been missing each other the last few days, how are you doing?”

“Good, it’s actually been surprisingly quiet around here.” Ethan calls from his locker. “How are your brother and Erin? Are they back from their honeymoon yet?”

“No, they get back from Aruba on Friday.” Will replies as Ethan walks over to the counter to pour himself a cup of coffee. “I heard from them over the weekend, they’re having a great time. They sent me some pictures, it's really beautiful there.”

“I bet it is.” Ethan joins Will at the table. “How’s Logan?”

“He’s good. Ashley’s finally feeling better so he’s happy she’s back to watch him while I’m at work.”

Ethan sips his coffee. “And how are things with James? He seemed like a nice guy when I met him at the wedding, everyone here liked him.”

“He liked all of you guys and was glad to meet you.” Will replies. “And things are going well. You know, it feels weird to say and probably doesn’t make much sense, but because James and I have a past, it’s honestly made everything so much easier. We’ve been able to just like continue where our relationship ended eight years ago in a completely naturally way that feels so right. He’s a great guy and being with him again has unexpectedly made me fall back in love with him.”

“That’s great, Will.”

“What about you and Melissa?” Will inquires. “It’s been a couple of months now, are things getting serious?”

“Definitely.” Ethan smiles. “I am falling in love with her a little bit every day. I’ve been spending time getting to know her mother and Melissa and I are together a lot. I don't wanna jinx it, but I could see this becoming something long term.”

“You deserve that, Ethan. Melissa’s a wonderful woman, I’m glad you two found each other.”

“Thanks, Will.” 

Will’s phone beeps. “James is in NewYork City for a few days on a case so I’m gonna go call him before things get busy. I’ll see you later.”

Ethan nods as Will walks out.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 1 P.M.**

Connor is outside the hospital with his sister.

“Lunch was nice. I’m sorry to cut this short, but I have surgery in 20 minutes.”

“No problem.” Claire checks her watch. “I gotta get back to work. We’re still on for dinner tomorrow, right? Me, you, Russell, and Mouse?”

“Definitely.” Connor confirms. “I just have to check with Mouse and see what time he gets off work. I’ll text you.”

“Sounds good.” Claire hugs her brother. “I love you, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you, too.”

Connor waves as he heads inside.

Walking back to her car, Claire sees her dad getting out of his car and approaches him.

“Dad.”

“Hey, honey.” Cornelius greets her with a smile as he closes his car door. “this is a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”

“I just had lunch with Connor.” Claire hugs him. “Are you just getting in?”

“I was here earlier, but had to take care of some stuff at the store.” Cornelius leans against his car. “Are you heading back to work?”

“Yeah, I got to get going.”

“What are you doing for dinner tomorrow night?” Cornelius asks his daughter. “I have work to do tonight, but I was telling Connor that we should do a family dinner. The three of us, John, Derek, and of course Russell too, so maybe we could try to set it up for tomorrow.”

“That’s a great idea,” Claire nods. “but Russell and I actually have dinner plans with Connor and Mouse tomorrow night. Another time for sure though.”

“Oh, ok.” Cornelius looks down. “Has Connor introduced Mouse to John and Derek, too?”

“Um,” Claire thinks for a second. “I don’t know. Why?”

“Nothing, never mind.” Cornelius brushes it off as his phone beeps. “Forget I even said anything. I should get inside. I love you, Claire. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Wait, Dad,” A confused Claire grabs her father’s arm as he starts to walks away. “what’s going on?” 

“Nothing’s going on.” Cornelius lies. “Everything’s fine.”

“Dad,” Claire raises her eyebrows. “you know I have Mom’s ability for detecting when you’re lying. So, tell me, why did you ask me if Connor had introduced Mouse to John and Derek? Do you have some kind of problem with Mouse?”

“No, not at all.” Cornelius firmly replies. “I liked him when I met him.”

“But…”

Cornelius sighs. “But I don’t think he and Connor are right for each other. Mouse is a nice guy, but I just don’t think they're a good match."

“Hm,” Claire bites his lip. “what makes you say that?”

Cornelius shakes his head. “I’ve already said enough. We’ve made too much progress as a family for me to say something that will put that in jeopardy.”

“Dad,” Claire reassures him. “I know that you’re not the same man you were. What you say and do now comes out of a genuine place, so whatever you have to say, I want to hear it. Please.”

Cornelius takes a deep breath, hesitant to respond before he doesn’t want what he says to be misunderstood. _After years spent estranged from his children, he doesn’t want to ruin that by saying the wrong thing._ “The reason I don’t think Connor and Mouse are good for each is not something I can put into words, it’s just something I felt when I saw them together. What I always liked about Will was the way he challenged Connor and made him step up to be the best version of himself. As a father, that’s what you want from your child’s partner: someone who pushes them to be all they can. And I just don’t think that Mouse compliments him in that way. Also, to be honest, I’m worried that Connor is on the rebound and he jumped into things with Mouse to heal his broken heart after things ended with Will.”

He clears his throat and continues. “I promise you, Claire, that I am not judging your brother and I am in no way trying to influence his actions, which is why I haven’t said anything. I know how badly Will hurt him and I hate him for that, but I always thought they were a good match because of how they challenged each other and made each other better, and I don’t think he's found that with Mouse.” He bows his head. “Ugh, I must sound like a terrible father yet again.”

“You absolutely do not.” Claire firmly tells him. “What you’re saying is coming out of the fact that you’re a _loving_  father and want the best for Connor. Everything you said makes complete sense and I understand. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have similar concerns about Connor being on the rebound, but we both know how broken he was after Will. Maybe he and Mouse aren’t the right fit and it’ll flame out like rebounds do, but for now, this relationship has brought Connor back to life and helped him heal. He’s happy, he smiles again, and he’s in good spirits, even if it's only temporary. We have to trust Connor to sort through his own personal life and no matter how we feel about it, I think it's important that we support him.”

“You're right.” Cornelius smiles. “God, I can’t tell you how much you remind me of your mother at times like this. The wise, rational one always knowing the right things to do and say. She would be so proud of you because I know I am. I love you, Claire.”

“I love you, too Dad.” Claire hugs him. “I really have to get back to work, but I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye, honey.”

Claire waves as she gets into her car and drives away.

Walking towards the hospital entrance with his head buried in his phone as he reads some emails, Cornelius hears a voice calling him.

“Mr. Rhodes.”

Cornelius turns around and sees Dr. Richardson walking towards him. He is an average height older man, in his sixties, with gray hair and dark eyes.

“Dr. Richardson, hi.” Cornelius greets him. “I was just on my way in, can I help you with something?”

“Yes.” Dr. Richardson puts his hands in his pockets. “I need to talk to you about something important regarding Susan Winters.”

“Of course, come on up to my office.”

They head into the hospital.

Two hours later, with surgery complete, Connor steps off in the elevator in the ER to head towards the break room for a short rest.

“Connor.” Maggie calls him.

“Hey, Maggie,” Connor turns around. “what’s up?”

“Goodwin is looking for you,” Maggie looks up from the computer. “she wants to see you in her office.”

He taps his hand on the desk. “Okay, thanks.” _His rest will have to wait._

Heading upstairs, he arrives in front of Ms. Goodwin’s office and knocks on the door.

“Come in.”

Connor opens the door.

“Ms. Goodwin, Maggie said you wanted to see...”

He stops speaking when he sees that Will and Dr. Richardson are in her office.

Confused, Connor looks to Ms. Goodwin. “What’s going on?”

“Hi, Dr. Rhodes. Could you please have a seat?”

A perplexed Connor takes a seat, looking at Will who just shrugs.

Dr. Richardson is sitting next to Goodwin’s desk. “I asked Ms. Goodwin to call the both of you here because there is something you should know.”

“Before we begin,” Goodwin clears her throat. “I know that you ended your personal relationship and there are likely lingering hard feelings, but I need you to put all of that aside for what we’re about to tell you.”

“I’m starting to get a little freaked out, Ms. Goodwin,” Will folds his hands together. “is everything alright?”

Goodwin motions to Dr. Richardson. “I’ll let Dr. Richardson tell you.”

“Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Halstead,” Dr. Richardson gets up and leans against Goodwin’s desk. “I know that you are very close with Diane and Susan Winters, so I really hate to have to tell you this, but the drug trial that Susan was on for her cancer is no longer working. It actually hasn’t been working for the last few days. According to her latest test results from this morning, her cancer has started spreading again at a rather fast pace and the tumor in her brain, while still inoperable, seems to be growing again as well.”

Connor swallows hard as the news hits him. “But…bu-but you can do something, right? Get her on another drug trial to stop the spread and shrink the tumor?”

“Unfortunately, there are no more options available. I’ve exhausted all my resources. So has Ms. Goodwin and your father, Dr. Rhodes.” Dr. Richardson sadly replies. “Susan’s type of brain cancer is very aggressive and the fact that it’s even spreading is extremely rare. At this point, it has reached such an advanced stage that there’s nothing else we can do for her.”

Will puts his hand over his mouth to contain his emotions. _A terminal cancer diagnosis, just like his mother all over_ _again._ “How…how long does she have?”

“My best guess from what I’ve seen is a week and a half.” Dr. Richardson sees the sad expressions on Connor and Will’s faces. “But as you both well know, the situation with cancer can change on a daily basis so I will be closely monitoring Susan's condition to pinpoint that exactly. I know this is intense news to hear and I'm so sorry. I wish there was more that I could do, but right now all we can do is keep Susan comfortable.”

Voice barely above a whisper, Connor leans forward in his chair. “Do Diane and Susan know?”

Dr. Richardson looks at Goodwin. “Not yet. Dr. Richardson wanted to let all of us know first because he was hoping we would help him break the news to them.”

“You both know that this type of news is never easy to deliver,” Dr. Richardson explains. “but I think it will help if they’re surrounded by people who care about them. Your father has already agreed, Dr. Rhodes.”

Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Will stands up. “I’m in.”

“Me, too.” Connor responds. “Susan and Diane need us to do this.”

“Okay, thank you.” Goodwin checks her watch. “I have a meeting in a little while with Melissa and Connor’s father, so how about in an hour? We can meet up here by the elevators.”

“Agreed.” Dr. Richardson looks to Connor and Will, who nod in confirmation.”Thank you, Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Halstead. I’ll see you soon.”

Dr. Richardson exits.

“I’m gonna,” Will motions to the door. “go.”

Will quickly walks out, needing to escape the room where he learned Susan will indeed lose her life to cancer just like his mom.

Connor watches Will walk out, wishing he could run after him because he knows how difficult this is for him. Sadly, those days are now over.

**Scene : Chicago Med, 7 P.M.**

Today is Dr. Downey’s last day and some of the hospital staff had a small goodbye party for him in the employee lounge on the second floor. Cornelius begrudgingly had to stop by this small get together since he is the head of the hospital. 

After quickly stopping in to show his face, Cornelius exits the lounge and heads down the hall back towards his office where he finds Melissa packing up for the night.

“Hey, Melissa. Heading home?”

“Hey, Mr. Rhodes. Yes, Ethan and I are going to go dinner.” Melissa closes her iPad and puts it in her desk drawer. “I emailed you all of the papers you need to look over and sign.”

“Thank you.” Cornelius takes a seat at his desk. “Have a nice night.”

“Thanks, you too.” Melissa grabs her purse. “See you tomorrow, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Melissa walks out and Cornelius leans back in his chair, closing his eyes. His body and emotions are completely drained after he, Connor, Will, Goodwin, and Dr. Richardson delivered the news about Susan’s cancer to her and Diane. 

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on his open office door. Cornelius opens his eyes and sees Dr. Downey.

“Dr. Downey.”

“Hi, Mr. Rhodes. Do you have a minute?”

“Uh, yeah.” Cornelius straightens his posture. “Come in.”

Dr. Downey enters and takes a seat. 

"How can I help you, Dr. Downey?”

“Listen, Mr. Rhodes, I know that you and I have had our differences since you’ve become the head of the hospital.” Dr. Downey clears his throat. “You came here to make a difference, to make this hospital a better place, which I respect, but we’ve had different ideas about what that’s meant.”

Cornelius furrows his brow. “Is this your way of apologizing for the things you said and did to my son?”

Dr. Downey shakes his head. “No.”

“Then why are you wasting my time?”

“I was hoping we could come to an understanding, let bygones be bygones.” Dr. Downey tries to rationalize. “Just because we disagree on homosexuality doesn’t mean that we have to be at war with each other.”

“Oh, that is where you are sorely mistaken.” An angry Cornelius puts his hand up. “As long as you believe that Connor is less of person than you are, a sinner for who he loves, then you and I will always will be at war and we will never come to an understanding. Quite frankly, if you hadn’t retired due to your health issues, I’d still be looking to find a way to get you out of this hospital because close-minded, judgmental assholes like you don’t belong here.”

“Well, then I guess there’s no hope that I’ll be able to do my dialysis here.”

“Wow.” Cornelius scoffs. “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, this was all a ploy to try to get what you want.”

“You left me no choice.” Dr. Downey sighs. “My doctor was told that he didn’t receive approval for me to do my dialysis here, even though I work here and know the entire staff. And I know that came from you so I was hoping that maybe if we came to an impasse, then you’d change your mind.”

“Let me be very clear about something, Dr. Downey.” Cornelius grits his teeth. “Once you walk out that door today, you will never set foot in this hospital again. Not as an employee or even as a patient. I did deny your dialysis treatment because your mere presence here is toxic for the atmosphere we are trying to promote. Chicago is a big city, there’s tons of hospitals that you can get treatment at, but it will not be here. In fact, I’ll even send personal recommendations myself to some nearby hospitals.”

“Okay, I get it.” Dr. Downey relents. “You win, Mr. Rhodes.”

“Oh, Dr. Downey, it’s not about winning.” Cornelius clicks his tongue. “It’s about being a decent human being and understanding that we’re all the same. You’ve proven that you’re incapable of that and you made the unfortunate mistake of crossing me by mistreating Connor and this is what you get what for that.”

“Fine.” Dr. Downey stands up. “Take care, Mr. Rhodes.”

Cornelius nods as Dr. Downey walks out.

Outside, Will is on the phone with Ashley.

“I got a little sidetracked with something, I’m sorry, but I’m on my way home now. Sure, no problem. Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Thanks, bye.”

He hangs up and after putting his phone away, he just sits down on the sidewalk. His mind wanders back to earlier when they told Susan and Diane’s about Susan’s diagnosis. Their tears and pain broke his heart and it felt like déjà vu to when his family found out that his mom would lose her battle to cancer.

The ER doors opens and Connor walks out to see Will sitting on the sidewalk. Deciding to take a risk, he walks over to him.

“Hey, Will. Are you ok?”

“Hi, Connor.” Will responds without looking up. “I’m just thinking.”

Much to Will’s surprise, Connor takes a seat next to him. “About Susan?”

“Yeah, it’s really sad. I can’t believe this is it for her.”

“I know.” Connor tries to find the right thing to say. “Makes you think about your mom, huh?”

 _Is he imagining this or are they actually having a real conversation?_ “It does, brings back all of those painful memories. Jay’s still on his honeymoon and James is back in New York City for a case so I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

Connor takes a deep breath. “You can always talk to me, I still care about you.”

“I don’t deserve to,” Will looks away. “not after what I did to you.”

“This is different,” Connor puts his hand on Will’s shoulder, both of them feeling the electricity in the touch. “this isn’t about us.”

Will turns to Connor and for the first time in months, he looks into his eyes. They still sparkle with warmth & love.

He feels his heart race as Connor stares back into his eyes. “I…” 

Their moment is interrupted by Connor’s cell phone ringing.

Connor takes his phone out of his jacket and sees that Mouse is calling. From where he’s sitting, Will can see Mouse’s name on the Caller I.D.. He bites his lip and stands up.

“You should answer that.” Will swings his bag over his shoulder. “Thanks for talking to me, goodnight.”

“Will, wait,” Connor calls as Will walks away. 

Connor’s phone lights up to alert him to a missed call from Mouse.

Sighing, Connor picks up his bag and walking to his car, calling Mouse back. _Today was an emotional day, this moment just now between him and Will didn’t mean anything, right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Please review.
> 
> 2.) Please check out the Miscellaneous Pinterest board to be introduced to Dr. Richardson: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.


	73. Surprises All Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, four days later (Friday), 8 A.M.**

Will and Logan are in the kitchen having breakfast. Will is clad in his scrubs, all set for work, just waiting for Ashley to arrive.

“Don’t forget, pal,” Will tells Logan. “when you and Ms. Ashley go to the aquarium today, you must stay with her at all times. Don’t let go of her hand for one second and if you have to go to the bathroom, tell her so she can walk you there. I don’t want to keep repeating this, but the aquarium is big and busy so it is very important that you never leave Ms. Ashley’s side. You have to promise me.”

“I promise.” Logan sips his apple juice. “Can I please buy something at the gift shop? They sell really cool pens and magnets for our fridge.”

“Yeah,” Will takes out his wallet. “I’ll leave Ms. Ashley money for some souvenirs and for you guys to get some food, too.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Will smiles as he puts some money on the counter. “You’re welcome, buddy.”

There is a knock at the door. “That must be Ms. Ashley.”

He walks over to answer the door.

“Good morning, Ashle...”

Will stops mid-sentence when he doesn’t Ashley standing there, but rather James.

“James, hey.” A surprised Will greets him. “I thought you weren't coming back until tonight.”

James awkwardly stands there. “Are you not happy to see me?”

“No, no,” Will ushers him inside and shuts the door. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course I’m happy to see you.” They hug. “When did you get back to Chicago?”

“Last night. My case ended earlier than I expected and I didn’t want to spend another night in New York so I hopped on a red eye and got back late night.” James explains. “I wanted to surprise you, I missed you, babe.”

“Well, this is a very pleasant surprise.” Will kisses him. “I missed you, too.”

“James!” Logan shouts as he jumps off the kitchen stool and runs over to James.

“Hey there, Logan.” James bends down to hug him. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good.” Logan replies. “Ms. Ashley’s taking me to the aquarium today!”

“Oh, that sounds like fun.”

Lucky comes into the kitchen and starts barking.

Will turns around. “I think Lucky’s hungry. Do you wanna feed him, Logan?”

“Okay.”

Logan goes to feed Lucky as Will turns his attention back to James.

“I wish I had time to spend with you, babe, but I’m waiting for Logan’s nanny to get here and then I have to get to work.”

“That’s okay.” James replies. “I gotta get to the office myself, I just wanted to come see you.”

Will smiles. “I’m glad you did.”

There is a knock at the door. “Speaking of, that must be Ashley.”

Will opens the door to reveal Ashley.

“Good morning, Will.”

“Good morning, Ashley.” He greets her, stepping aside as she enters and closes the door behind her. “How are you today?”

“I’m good, thanks.” She notices James as she hangs up her jacket. “I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?”

“Oh, no.” Will motions to James. “Ashley, this is my boyfriend, James. James, this is Logan’s nanny, Ashley.”

James extends his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Ashley.”

“You, too, James.” She shakes his hand. “Will’s mentioned you before, you certainly are very handsome.”

James blushes a little. “Thank you.”

“Hi, Ms. Ashley!” Logan excitedly greets her as she walks into the kitchen. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Hi, buddy.” She hugs him. “Are you excited to go to the aquarium today?”

“Yes, I can’t wait.”

Will puts his jacket on. “I need to get to work, but I spoke to Logan and explained to him that he must stay with you at all times when you’re at the aquarium and that he’s not to leave your side under any circumstance. I left some money so you can guys can get some food and buy some souvenirs at the gift stop.”

“Got it, thanks” Ashley looks to Lucky, who is playing with Logan. “Will Lucky be okay while Logan and I are out? I’ve never left him alone for more than 45 minutes or so.”

“Yeah, he’s good. I’ve left Lucky alone for extended periods when I’ve gone out or to work. Just make sure his food and water bowls are full and the door is locked and he’ll be fine. Lucky’s very well trained, so he knows what to do and what not do when he’s left by himself. He’ll most likely sleep.”

Ashley nods. “Understood, I’ll check all of that before we leave.”

Will checks to make sure he has his phone, keys, and wallet. “I have my phone so you can call or text me if you need anything. And if I don’t answer for some reason, you have the hospital’s number that you can call and they can page me.”

“We’re gonna be fine, Will.” Ashley tries to reassure Will. “I’ll be in touch if I need to, but I don’t want you to worry because Logan and I are going to have a great time at the aquarium.”

“I know, thanks.”

James’ phone beeps and he takes it out of his pocket to check it. “Oh, crap. I gotta get to my office, my boss from New York is waiting on me for a conference call.”

“Let me just say goodbye to Logan and I’ll walk you out, babe.”

James follows Will into the kitchen, where he bends down to be eye level with Logan. “Pal, I have to go to work. You be good for Ms. Ashley, do everything she says today when you’re at the aquarium, and make sure you never leave her side. Have fun and I’ll see you tonight. I love you.”

“Okay, Dad.” Logan hugs Will. “I love you, too.”

Will stands up. “James is leaving, too.”

“Bye, James.” Logan waves. “Will you come back soon?”

“You got it, buddy.” James ruffles Logan’s hair. “Enjoy the aquarium.”

“Come on, babe.” Will puts his arms around James. “let’s go before we both get fired.”

James chuckles as they head towards the door. “Nice meeting you, Ashley.”

“You too, James.” Ashley responds as she starts cleaning up the remnants of Logan’s breakfast.

“Bye, Logan.” Will calls as they exit the apartment.

Walking out of the apartment, Will walks James to his car.

“Thanks for stopping by, babe, this was a great way to start my morning.” He brushes his hand against James’ cheek. “It’s been a tough week, so seeing your gorgeous face was exactly what I needed.”

“I know all this stuff with Susan is really difficult for you.” James takes the alarm off his car. “That’s why I wanted to get back here as soon as possible, to be here for you.”

“That’s really thoughtful of you.” Will stares into James’ piercing dark eyes. “God, you have literally made it impossible for me not to fall back in love with you.”

“Right back at ya, babe.” James leans in and kisses Will.

“Anyway,” Will checks his phone as they break apart. “we both really need to get going, but do you wanna come over for dinner tonight?”

James smiles. “Absolutely. I’ll text you and let you know what time I’ll be getting off work.”

“Sounds good. Have a good day, hotness. I’ll see you tonight.”

“You, too.” They hug. “I love you.”

Will smiles. “I love you, too.”

He waves as he walks away and heads to his car. _James makes his heart flutter in a way that he hasn’t experienced in so long, falling back in love has been so unexpected yet so special. That moment the other day with Connor was fueled solely by Susan’s situation, it meant nothing beyond that, because James is his future._

**Scene : Chicago Med, 1 P.M.**

Connor and Mouse are outside the hospital, coming back from lunch.

“I’m telling you, babe,” Connor confidently tells his boyfriend. “we are gonna crush my sister and Russell at Texas Hold ‘Em. I am a master card player. And when we win, they will owe us dinner.”

Mouse laughs. “I don’t know, I’ve never been much of a card player.”

“Well, we’re not seeing them until next week so we can practice.” Connor suggests. “You know, with bonus incentives for you making progress. Strip Hold 'Em."

Mouse smirks. “I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah?” Connor raises his eyebrows, grabbing Mouse’s jacket and pulling him close. “Maybe we should practice tonight then.”

Mouse puts his hand on Connor’s waist. “Maybe we should.”

They chuckle in and Connor leans in to kiss Mouse. Before they know it, their are arms wrapped around each other in a heated kiss.

Their kiss is interrupted by the sound of footsteps and someone clearing their throat. They break apart and turn around to see Connor’s father.

“Da-dad,” An embarrassed Connor stammers, straightening out his scrubs. “wha-what are you doing out here?”

“I was just on my way back from the adoption agency,” Connor informs his son. “dropping off my letter of recommendation for John and Derek.” He nods at Mouse. “Hi, Mouse, it’s good to see you again.”

“Hi, Mr. Rhodes.” Mouse awkwardly waves. “It’s good to see you, too.”

“Oh, ok.” Connor clears his throat. “Um, I’m sorry you caught us making out like that. I know it’s not very professional at work.”

“Don’t be silly, Connor.” Cornelius shakes his head. “Never apologize for kissing the person you’re dating.”

Connor chuckles. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Mouse,” Cornelius turns to him. “I didn’t say this when we met, but I want to take the opportunity to say it now. You’ve made my son happy and helped him move on from a very difficult time in his life. As his father, I’m very grateful to you for that and I’d like to get to know you better since you’re now a part of Connor’s life.”

Mouse smiles. “I’d like that, sir. Thank you.”

“Great.” Cornelius checks his watch. “I have a meeting to get to so I’ll see you guys later.”

Cornelius walks inside and Mouse’s phone beep.

“Ah, that’s Voight. I have to get back to the district.”

“Okay, babe.” Connor puts his arm around Mouse. “Text me later?”

“You got it.” Mouse kisses him. “Have a good rest of the day.”

“You too, babe."

Mouse walks away as Connor heads inside.

Two hours later, in Susan’s hospital room, she and Diane are talking with Dr. Richardson.

“So, based on your tests from earlier this afternoon, the cancer is continuing to progress at a faster rate than I was expecting.” Dr. Richardson explains. “Your cancer, Susan, is unlike anything I have ever encountered. You have a glioblastoma, which is the most aggressive type of brain cancer, but they don’t usually spread beyond the brain. That is why finding an effective treatment was so hard because a case like yours is extremely rare.”

Sitting on her hospital bed together and holding Diane’s hand, Susan takes a deep breath. “So, how much time do I have left?”

“Based on your CT scan and your labs, it looks like my initial estimation was correct and it’ll about one week until the cancer has spread completely throughout your body.” Dr. Richardson sadly replies. “Due to the tumor and the spread of the cancer, Susan, your body is going to start shutting down and you will be experiencing cognitive and neurological issues as well. I must warn both of that as the next week goes on, it is unfortunately only going to get worse as the symptoms start presenting themselves, with considerable strength, at likely the same time.”

“Oh my God,” Diane puts her hand over her mouth. “I can’t believe this.”

“I’m so sorry.” Dr. Richardson stands up. “I will continue running tests to keep a close eye on everything and keep you updated. I’m going to give you some time alone.”

“Thank you, Dr. Richardson.”

Dr. Richardson nods as he walks out and Diane starts softly crying.

“Oh, my love,” Susan turns to her lovely wife. “don’t cry. If I only have a week left, there’s no one I’d rather spend it with.”

“It’s so unfair.” Diane wipes away her tears. “25 years together has all come down to this.”

“Diane,” Susan squeezes her hand. “we have had the most incredible life. Look at how far we’ve come; we fought the hate and built our lives together, even when our families didn't approve, and wound up with a love and a bond that not even death can destroy. When I’m gone, I want you to hold our memories and my love for you close to your heart because I will always be with you. No matter what.”

With Diane’s tears preventing her from respond, Susan pulls her into a hug.

There is a knock at the door and they both turn around to see Cornelius.

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting?”

“No,” Diane waves him in. “come in, please.”

He notices that Diane has been crying. “Is everything alright?”

Susan and Diane exchange a look. “Dr. Richardson was just in here, he said that I only have a week left.”

“Oh, God.” Cornelius tilts his head sympathetically. “I...am so sorry. I should come back later.”

He turns to walk out, but Susan calls after him. “No, Cornelius, wait.”

He turns back around. “Please, have a seat. Stay with us, your company is always welcome.”

Taking a seat next to Susan’s hospital bed, Diane reads the intense look on Cornelius’ face. “Is everything alright?”

“Well,” Cornelius looks down. “I’m not really sure if now’s the right time considering the news you just received.”

“What is it?”

“Given your condition, I’ve been thinking a lot about your family, Susan, and how it breaks my heart that your family abandoned you so many years ago when you came out as gay. And I remembered that you mentioned you have a sister who you haven’t had contact with since your parents died.” Cornelius clears his throat. “I don’t want you to be mad at me, but knowing how little time you have left, I tracked your sister down. I’m sorry for overstepping but watching you here like this…I just had to try to find your sister for you.”

Susan eyes widen as she takes in this news. _Her sister, wow, it’s been a really long time._ “Yo-you found Nicole?”

“I did.” Cornelius nods. “She’s actually outside in the hallway.”

“What?!” Susan practically jumps off her bed, but Diane calms her down. “Nicole…Nicole’s here?”

Cornelius motions to the hallway. “Right outside. But I can send her away if you want. When Nicole decided to come, she agreed that she would only see you if you made the choice.”

Susan turns to her wife, both her heart and pulse racing. “What should I do?”

“It’s up to you.” Diane puts her hand on Susan’s leg. “Nicole’s your sister. If you want to see her and hear her out, I’ll be by your side the entire time. Or Cornelius can send her away and we can pretend this never happened.”

Closing her eyes, Susan sighs. “Send her in, please.”

Cornelius nods and steps out into the hallway. “Nicole, you can go in.”

Diane takes Susan’s hand. “I got you, honey.”

Susan smiles at her wife and takes a deep breath to brace herself.

There is a knock at the open door and they look up to see Nicole. She is middle-aged, with long blonde hair, dark eyes wearing a blue blouse and beige skirt.

“Hi, Susan.” Nicole tentatively greets her sister as she enters the room. “Thank you for agreeing to see me.”

“Hi,” Susan motions to Diane. “you remember Diane.”

Nicole nods. “I do, it’s been a long time.”

Susan clicks her tongue. “I’m surprised you came, I haven’t heard from you since Dad died 23 years ago.”

“Of course I came, you’re my sister.” Nicole steps further into the room. “When Mr. Rhodes told me you were dying, I got on the first flight I could get out of San Francisco. I live there with my husband and our two children.”

“Oh, you’re married?” Susan raises her voice. “Do your husband and children know you have a sister who you disowned 25 years ago?”

“Susan…”

“Do they know what you said to me at Dad’s funeral about my relationship with Diane?” Susan is practically shouting. “It was 2 years after I moved out, the first time we saw each other since, and I hoped you would be on my side. But instead you told me that you thought Mom and Dad were right: that I was going against the natural order by not only loving a woman, but loving a black woman on top of it. You told me God didn’t love me because I was gay and that you couldn’t be in my life because of unnatural lifestyle choice. Then you said that if I continued down this path of sin I would end up in hell.”

Blinking back tears, she continues. “But you were wrong! And so were Mom and Dad!” She puts out her hand to show her wedding ring. “Diane and I are married, we got married last year in the eyes of God, which gives us the same rights as you and your husband. God love us for exactly who we are, we’re not sinners, the love we have is completely natural, and when I die, I am going to Heaven so I can tell Mom and Dad everything I just told you.”

Susan breaks down after finally releasing all these emotions she’s kept inside for the last 25 years. Diane pulls her into a hug in at to attempt to comfort her.

With tears streaming down her face, Nicole leans against the wall with her heart slowly crumbling into a million pieces from listening her sister’s words that were so full of pain and anger.

“Susan, there are no words that could ever properly express how unbelievably sorry I am for everything that I said and did to you back then. This is not an excuse, and I am no way trying to excuse my actions, but 25 years ago, being gay wasn’t like it is today. It was misunderstood, people were so close-minded and judgmental, and I’m so ashamed to admit that I was one of those bigots. I thought your attraction to women was a choice, I couldn’t understand at the time that it was just as natural as my being attracted to men. It’s how you were born, it’s who you are. I also had no right to make a judgement because Diane was black, but interracial dating was also such a new concept at the time. I couldn’t see that you needed my love and support, I wrongly sided with Mom and Dad. Both of them disapproved of you being gay, but Mom was more tolerant about it, so I understand why you moved out after she died. I should’ve made an effort to remain in touch with you after you left to live with Diane, but instead we lost touch for two years and the next time we spoke was when I told you that Dad died. You came to his funeral and I jumped down your throat, spewing all the hate and bigotry I learned at home, instead of being on your side. The things I said to you that day, the way I acted…I regret them more than anything else in my life.”

Nicole chokes back her tears. “You and Diane have clearly built a beautiful life together, your love has withstood every trial and tribulation thrown at it, and even without the support of our family, all you ever needed was each other. As far as I'm concerned, that exemplifies true love and that is not easy to find in this world. I’m so very sorry for everything I did and said in the past and while you probably don’t care, I want you to know that I’m a different person than I was. As I got older, I finally saw things clearly and tried to atone for the mistakes I made with you. For a long time now, I’ve believed in equality for all and that all love is equal, regardless of gender and race. I marched in opposition of Proposition 8, I volunteer at an LGBTQ youth center to help young people struggling with their identity or family rejection, and when the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage, I joined in celebrations throughout San Francisco while thinking of you the whole time. I love you, Susan, and while I understand that you'll never forgive me, thank you for letting me say my peace.”

Nicole wipes away her tears, although more keep coming, before turning to Diane. “Diane, I owe you an apology as well. I was so hard on you back when you and Susan first got together, I tried to keep you guys apart, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve that kind of treatment. You never backed down though, always standing up to me and trying to put me in place, but I was too blind to see that love transcends gender and race. Too close-minded to understand that just because you were both women and that you were black and my sister was white didn’t mean your relationship couldn’t be as real and meaningful as any other relationship. And I was clearly mistaken because 25 years later, you guys are still together, still in love, and married. Susan could not have chosen a better woman to share her life with because you’ve been there for her when no one in our family was, you’ve been her family, and you’ve given her the love and support that she’s needed to live a wonderful life. So no matter what you think of me, I am truly grateful to you for that.”

“I’m sorry.” Susan steps off the bed. “I can’t do this right now.”

She walks into to the bathroom and slams the door.

“I think Susan’s a little overwhelmed right now by all of this. This is a really tough time for her.”

“I understand.” Nicole sniffles and pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket. “This is my cell number and the info for the hotel where I’m staying. Please tell Susan I’m here and I hope she calls.”

She leaves the paper next to Susan’s bed. “I’m truly sorry for all the pain I caused. I hope you’ll both give me a chance to prove I’ve changed before Susan’s time is up.”

Diane nods as Nicole walks out.

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, 7 P.M.**

“Coming.” Connor shouts as he makes his way through the living room towards the front door.

He opens the front door to reveal his cousins John and Derek.

“Hey, guys.” Connor greets them with a smile. “I wasn’t expecting you to come by.”

“Sorry to bother you, is it ok if we come in and talk?”

“Absolutely.” Connor steps aside to allow them to enter. “You guys are never a bother, I’m glad to see you.”

Connor hugs his cousins. “We’re happy to see you, too.”

“Come on,” Connor motions for them to follow him into the living room. “let’s go in here.”

“So,” Connor asks as they sit down on the couch. “what brings you guys by? Not that I’m complaining.”

John and Derek exchange a look. “We kind of have something awkward to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“Well, you know that we’re looking to start a family by adopting a baby and are in the process of putting together our file with the adoption agency. One of the key aspects of putting together of our file is having the right recommendations.” John explains. “We need three recommendations, strong recommendations, from people who can talk about us a couple and why we should get a baby. Our case worker suggested one from our each of our relatives and one from our friends. So far, we have one recommendation from your dad and one from Derek’s aunt and uncle, which leaves us searching for the right friend who knows us well enough as a couple and can talk about our strengths and what we would be bring to the table as parents.”

“And after a lot of discussion as to who this friend might be,” Derek finishes his husband’s thought. “we came to the conclusion that the strongest recommendation would come from Will. So given your history, we want to ask you if you would be alright if we asked him to write one for us.”

Connor is taken aback, but doesn’t want to show his uneasiness. “You really think Will think is the best person?”

“We do.” John affirms. “We understand it’s awkward because he’s your ex and we’re definitely not happy with him for how he treated you, but when you two were together, the two of us were very close for like five, six months. We got to know him and most importantly for this, he got to know us as a couple really well and that’s what we need for this. He can talk about our character and what type of people we are.”

“However,” Derek chimes in. “John and I both agreed that if you’re not comfortable with it, we’ll find someone else. We don’t want to do anything to make you feel weird.”

“You guys should ask Will.” Connor replies. “I appreciate you respecting me enough to ask me, but you do whatever you need to in order to ensure you are able to adopt a baby. If you think a recommendation from Will will help with that, then it’s fine with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I love you guys and this is about you starting your family, my feeling weird or awkward is irrelevant.”

John and Derek smile. “Thanks, Connor.”

Connor nods. “Do you guys have time for a beer or do you have to go?”

“We have time.”

“Ok, cool.”

He stands up and heads into the kitchen with his mind wandering. _No matter what he does, how he tries to move on, everything always comes back to Will somehow. Is that every going to change or is Will always going to be part of his life?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Please review.
> 
> 2.) Please check out the Miscellaneous Pinterest board to be introduced to Susan's sister, Nicole: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.


	74. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 2 days later (Sunday), 5 P.M.**

Off from work for the day, Will has been home with Logan. Jay and Erin returned from their honeymoon on Friday night so they’re all getting together tonight at Will’s with Kelly and Shawn for dinner tonight.

“Logan’s watching a YouTube video on his iPad.” James informs Will as he walks into kitchen, where Will is making a large salad. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“No, I’m good, babe. Thanks.” Will adds the dressing and begins mixing the salad. “I’m just making the salad and the mashed potatoes are already in the fridge. Jay and Erin are bringing the chicken cutlets and my aunt are uncle are bringing the wine and dessert.”

James takes a seat at the kitchen island. “Thank you for inviting me tonight, babe. I know this is the first time you and Jay are having real time with your aunt and uncle and it means a lot that you want me to be here for this family reunion of sorts.”

“Of course I want you to be here.” Will rinses his hands under the kitchen sink. “You’re such a big and important part of my life, I want you to get to know my family better.”

James smiles. “You’re really sweet, thanks.”

“It’s the truth, babe.” Will walks over to James, running his hand through his hair. “I love you, James. At my brother’s wedding, you said this is the life you always wanted for us and I feel the same way. You changed everything when you walked back into my life two months ago and you getting to know my family is just the next step for us as our relationship continues to progress.”

James kisses Will. “I love you, too.”

“I know you didn’t really spend much time with my aunt and uncle at the wedding, but they’re going to love you.”

“I hope so.” James hesitates. “Can I ask you a question? If you’re not comfortable answering, I understand and I won’t pressure you.”

“Sure,” Will takes a seat next to James. “what is it?”

“Well, at your brother’s wedding, I heard you talking to your aunt and uncle and they said they hadn’t spoken to you and Jay in two years because of the way they left things before they moved out of Chicago.” James tries to put this right way without sounding too pushy. “I promise you that I’m not trying to be nosy, but I was just wondering what they meant by that because I want to make sure that everything's okay. However, like I said, if you’re not comfortable telling me, I understand.”

“I know you’re not being nosy. You’re asking because you care and that’s one of things I love about you.” Will smiles as he takes James’ hand. “I am comfortable telling you and I can tell you that everything’s fine. What my aunt and uncle were referring to involves my dad.”

James tilts his head. “Your dad?”

“Yes, my ever so lovely father strikes again.” Will grimaces as he begins to explain. “As you know, Kelly is my mother’s sister and they had a very close relationship like Jay and I have. My mom actually introduced Shawn to my aunt and they’ve been married for over 20 years. My aunt and uncle lived near us so we’d spend a lot of time together and a result, we became a very tight-knit family: me, Jay, my mom, our aunt and uncle, and their daughter Julie until she went away to college. The only outlier was my dad because for some reason, he never liked my mom, me or Jay spending time with Kelly and Shawn and he would get mad when we did. My dad was openly rude to them on many occasions and when he would come home from work and find them at our house, he would tell them they had to get out because he didn’t want them there. Before she got really sick, my mom had it out with him so many times about why he refused to accept them and be hospitable to her family.”

“Why did your dad have such a problem with your aunt and uncle?”

“To be honest, he was never specific. I think he knew that they saw they through the façade he put on and knew deep down he was a rotten, disgusting human and he didn’t like that. My dad was a control freak and he didn’t want us around anyone who saw him that way. But none of us would tolerate that, we were family and my dad couldn’t keep us apart. My aunt and uncle especially wouldn’t stand for it. Kelly had more verbal sparring matches with my dad than I can count and Shawn got into a number of physical fights with my dad because he was such a poisonous man who tried to keep them away from us. Jay and I were firmly on the side of our aunt and uncle, we made that clear to our dad, and he resented us for that. But, as my mom got sicker, my dad’s drinking got worse, which meant he was around less and even less useful than he was before so it was up to me, Jay, Kelly, and Shawn to care for my mom and take her for treatment. My aunt and uncle were really angry that my father basically disappeared when my mother needed him the most. He wasn’t even by her bedside when she died, he was home passed out drunk on the couch.”

Will takes a deep breath to keep his emotions in check and continues. “After my mom died, my dad didn’t come home for a couple days, he was out drinking all hours and staying with friends, which left it up to the four of us to plan my mom’s funeral and my aunt and uncle weren’t very happy about. However, the final straw came on the day of my mom’s burial. The day before was the wake and he had managed to pull it together, but then he never came home that night. So on the morning of my mom’s burial, he showed up hungover to the church looking like a disheveled mess. He hadn’t showered, changed his clothes, or even attempted to clean himself up and his eyes were bloodshot and he reeked of alcohol. My dad almost made it through without incident, but as the priest was finishing up, he threw up all over the floor. My uncle completely lost it, grabbed my dad by the collar of shirt, and dragged him out of the church. Jay and I ran after them and found my dad was on the sidewalk outside the church throwing up again. My aunt then came out raging mad and yelling, like I had never heard her before, about how my dad had disrespected her sister’s memory with his behavior, embarrassing her and our entire family. No one spoke another word as we took the limos to the cemetery and buried my mom. A few days later, Kelly and Shawn stopped by to say they were leaving Chicago because with my mom gone, they couldn’t be around my dad anymore, and that was the last we heard from them. For the last two years, my aunt and uncle thought Jay and I were mad at them for leaving so suddenly, they had moved to Washington D.C to be near their daughter at college, but we were never mad. We understood, everything our dad did drove them away, so that is what you heard us talking about at the wedding.”

“Wow, Will,” A stunned James is at a loss for words. “I…I am so sorry. After everything you told me about your father, I didn’t know it could get any worse.”

“That’s the worst of it.” Will sighs. “It wasn’t long after they moved that Jay and I got away from my dad and started our lives over.”

“That was definitely the best decision you guys made.” James squeezes Will’s hand. “Thank you for sharing that story with me, babe. I know it’s not easy to talk about.”

Will kisses James as they hear a knock at the door.

“Ah, someone’s here.” Will stands up. “I'll get the door. Can you go get Logan, please?”

“Sure.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, Susan’s Hospital Room, 5:30 P.M.**

Susan is lying in her hospital bed watching television when she hears a knock at the door.

She turns her head and sees her sister.

“Nicole, hi.”

“Hi,” Nicole timidly responds. “can I come in?”

“Yeah, please.”

Nicole enters the room and looks around. “Where’s Diane?”

“She actually works here at the hospital so she’s in her office doing some work.” Susan responds, turning off the television. “It’s just us.”

“I’m surprised you called.” Nicole takes a seat in the chair next to Susan’s bed. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I wanted to apologize to you, Nicole.” Susan turns to face her sister. “I completely overreacted the other day. I was overcome by all these different emotions, they all came at once and they were so powerful, and I behaved so irrationality.”

“Susan,” Nicole leans forward. “you do not have to apologize for a single thing. I’m the one who came here to apologize, who should still be apologizing, and who can never apologize enough. The way you reacted, everything you were feeling, none of it was irrational. You’ve been carrying around all the pain, anger, and sadness about what I did inside for over 20 years, it was a perfectly natural reaction for you to release upon seeing me. I wish it hadn’t come to that, but I hope you feel a little bit better.”

“I do, actually.”

“I’m glad.” Nicole sighs. “Listen, I don’t know how much of what I said the other day resonated with you, but I truly meant every word. If I could go back in time, I would do everything different and be the loving, supportive sister you needed me to be. I was young and naïve 25 years ago, but no matter how much I wish for it, I can’t take any of it back.” Her voice breaks. “I just…I know how little time you have and I don’t want you to die with us at odds like this. You’re my sister, Susan, and I love you.”

Susan holds back her tears. “Did you really march in opposition of Proposition 8? And do you really work at an LGBTQ youth center?”

“Yes, yes, all of that is true.” Nicole nods. “I realized many years ago about the terrible, terrible mistakes I made treating you the way I did, acting like your feelings towards women was a choice, and regarding your relationship with Diane as unnatural. I knew you’d probably never forgive me, but I’ve tried to make up for my mistakes by marching for equality and helping others struggling with who they are. In a way, it made me feel closer to you.”

“I’m dying, Nicole, and I’m scared.” Susan starts crying. “Diane’s trying to put on a brave face, but I know she’s scared, too. I don’t know how she’s gonna get through this alone.”

“Aw, honey,” An emotional Nicole gets up and joins her on the bed, pulling Susan into her arms. “Neither you nor Diane are alone. You’re both my family and I’m going to help you get through this, I promise.”

“I love you, too, Nicole.”

Those are the last words Susan gets out before breaking down in tears. Nicole pulls her close, her own tears streaming down her cheek.

Looking down at her phone, Diane enters the room.

“Susan, I’m…”

She stops mid-sentence upon seeing the scene in front of her.

“I’ll come back.”

“Don’t you dare.” Nicole sniffles, waving her over. “You’re my sister-in-law, get over here.”

Diane smiles softly as she joins them on the bed and Nicole reaches for her hand. She takes it as they both comfort a still crying Susan. _This is the family they always should’ve been, better later than never, right?_

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 6 P.M.**

Having finished dinner, Jay, Erin, Will, Logan, James, Kelly, and Shawn are seated at the dining room taking a break before having coffee and dessert.

“Dinner was delicious, Will.” Kelly compliments him. “You certainly inherited your mom’s culinary skills.”

“I can’t take all the credit,” Will looks at his Jay and Erin. “I just made the salad and mashed potatoes. Jay and Erin made the chicken cutlets.”

“And I was only Erin’s dutiful helper because I do not have much of mom’s culinary skills.” Jay chuckles, putting his arm around Erin. “My new wife, however, is quite a good cook.”

“Well, your collective effort resulted in an excellent dinner.” Shawn leans back in his chair. “I was never much of cook, but your aunt and your mom taught me some stuff over the years.”

“Sarah and I learned everything from our mom.” Kelly fondly remembers. “Anyway, when we’re ready for dessert, we brought an apple pie and a tray of cookies.”

“Cookies!” Logan shouts. “I like cookies!”

Everyone laughs.

“Erin,” Shawn turns to his nephew’s new wife. “Jay sent us some pictures from your honeymoon. Aruba’s beautiful and it looks like you guys had a great time.”

“Yeah, it was a wonderful trip.” Erin responds with a smile. “Everything about it was perfect, from the hotel to the food to the beach and the crystal clear water.”

“Speaking of,” Jay suddenly remembers. “we brought back souvenirs for everyone, but I left them in the car. I’ll get them in a little bit.”

Lucky comes into the kitchen barking.

“I think he smelled our food and got hungry.”

“You’re probably right.” Will looks at his son. “Pal, do you wanna feed Lucky?”

“Okay, Dad.” Logan looks up at James. “Do you want to come with me, James?”

James smiles. “I’d love to, buddy.”

The two get up and Lucky follows them into the kitchen.

“Lucky’s adorable, your uncle and I have always loved dogs.” Kelly remarks. “When did you get him?”

“A few months ago,” Will quickly responds, hoping to avoid further discussion of the topic. “during the holidays.”

“Did you send him to obedience school?” Shawn inquires. “It’s important to get puppies trained properly so they grow up to be good dogs.”

“Um, no,” Will quietly replies. “we didn’t.”

Kelly and Shawn share a look. “We?”

“Yeah, me and my ex-fiancé, Connor. Lucky was actually an engagement present from Jay, Erin, and his sister and cousins.” Will sighs, glad James isn’t in the room to hear this. “When we first got him, we decided to hire this dog trainer from television instead of sending Lucky to obedience school. His name’s Brandon McMillan, he has this show on CBS called _Lucky_ _Dog_ where he rescues dog from shelters, trains them, and finds them forever homes.”

“Oh, yes!” Kelly enthusiastically nods her head. “I’ve seen that show, that guy is excellent with dogs.”

“Yes, he is.” Will affirms as he goes on to explain. “Connor and I had been watching the show for a while and were impressed so when we got Lucky, we decided to reach out. Even though he’s based in California, Brandon came to Chicago to train Lucky and while it wasn’t cheap, it was worth every penny. Brandon was not only one of the nicest and most genuine people I’ve ever met, he's also a fantastic dog trainer. He has such a great understanding of dogs, the knowledge and the skills, the patience, and he was in no rush. He took the necessary time to work with Lucky and then the time to teach us how to handle him. It was money very well spent, both Connor and I were quite happy with the entire experience.”

Kelly leans back into her husband’s embrace. “So when you and Connor broke up, he didn’t want Lucky?”

“Surprisingly, he didn’t.” Will stares at the table, recalling the night they had mediation. “I offered to have Lucky live with both of us or at least have Connor visit him, but he said that Lucky was too much of a reminder of everything we’d been through so he just wanted Lucky to be here with me.”

“Dad,” Logan enters the room with James and interrupts the conversation. “can James and I take Lucky for a walk?

He looks up at James. “You don’t mind, babe?”

James shakes his head. “I’m happy to do it.”

“Okay, well, then go for it.” Will tells Logan. “Just make sure you zip your jacket up and stay close to James.”

Logan hugs him. “Thanks, Dad.”

“We’ll be right back.” James tells his boyfriend. “Don’t have coffee without me.”

Will kisses him. “I wouldn’t think of it.”

“Come on, James,” Logan pulls at James’ hand. “let’s go.”

James chuckles as he and Logan head off to take Lucky for a walk.

“While they take Lucky for a walk,” Jay stands up. “Erin and I will go get the souvenirs from the car. Then I think we’ll all be ready for dessert.”

“Sounds good.”

Jay and Erin step away from the table, leaving Will, Kelly, and Shawn.

“You know, Will,” Kelly looks at her nephew. “you’re doing a great job with Logan. He’s a sweet kid with good manners who appears to be really comfortable here. And that's no small thing because faced with the sudden loss of his mother, you’ve established a sense of normalcy and provided a safe, loving environment where he can learn and grow knowing you’ll always be there. That’s an important thing for someone his age.”

“And regardless of what happened with you and Connor,” Shawn adds. “James seems like a really wonderful guy. Just from meeting him at the wedding and the little bit tonight, I can tell how much cares about you. You guys are naturally at ease with each other, you have a comfort level that is hard to find in many relationships, and everything he does and says just feels like it comes from a very sincere place.”

“I agree with your uncle.” Kelly clears her throat. “Finding someone you connect with like it appears you do with James is rare and it’s beautiful that you’ve found that. Plus, Logan seems to like him a lot.”

“So, does that mean you guys approve of James?”

They smile at their nephew. “One hundred percent.”

**Scene : Rosehill Cemetery, the next day (Monday), 11 A.M.**

Connor, Claire, and Cornelius are at the cemetery visiting Dr. Grant’s grave, today is the one year anniversary of her death.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year.” Connor says in amazement as he reads the epitaph on Dr. Grant’s tombstone. _Mary Grant:_ Beloved wife and mother. “On one hand, it feels like yesterday and on the other, so much has happened since that it feels like it was a long time ago.”

“Are you still in touch with her husband?” Claire asks her brother.

“A little bit.” Connor responds. “He and his children moved to Florida to be near their family about eight months ago, staying in Chicago was too difficult after losing Mary. They used the settlement they received from the hospital and bought a house down there, we keep in touch from time to time.”

Claire turns to her dad. “I didn’t know her family received a settlement from the hospital.”

“Yeah, it was one of the first items on the agenda when I became chairman of the hospital board.” Cornelius explains. “The Board was worried that her husband was going to sue for negligence and wrongful death so they wanted to avoid that. I had also heard so many wonderful things about Dr. Grant from the staff so I took it upon myself to draw up the settlement, which included setting up accounts with money set aside for both of their children’s college tuitions. Once the Board approved, I met with Kyle myself to go over everything and offer my condolences since I know what it’s like to lose your wife. He’s a nice man and was appreciative of everything. I only wish I had gotten to meet Mary since everyone at the hospital loved her.”

“I met her once,” Claire sadly remembers. “I was waiting to meet you for lunch one day, Connor, and we ran into each other in the parking lot. Mary was kind and friendly and when I mentioned I was your sister, she went on about how she thought you were a great doctor and a great person. Someone she considered to be a friend.”

“I considered her to be a friend, too.” Connor chokes back a few tears. “Dr. Grant believed in and cared about me. I miss her and think about her everyday. I’ve replayed that horrible day over in my head a thousand times and while I know it wasn’t my fault, I still hate knowing that her husband and children are living without her. Which is something we know all too well.”

“Dr. Grant will always be with them,” Cornelius tells his son. “just like your mom is always with us.”

Connor nods as a few tears drip down his cheek. “Thank you guys for being here with me, I don’t think I could be by myself right now.”

“You don't have to thank us,” Claire grasps her brother’s hand. “there’s nowhere we’d rather be.”

“Your sister’s right.” Cornelius steps closer to his children. “I know I wasn’t there to support you after the trauma you experienced watching Dr. Grant get killed. In fact, I wrongfully exploited it in order to take over the hospital, but I can try to make up for that, like I have for everything else, by being here for you now. I just hope you can forgive me for all this as well, Connor, because I am so sorry and I thank God that I didn’t lose you that day.”

Connor turns to face his father. “I do forgive you, Dad. Over the course of these many months, you’ve proven to me beyond a doubt that you’ve changed and are no longer the man you once were. You’re the father I always knew and hoped you could be and having you back in my life has meant the world to mine. You’ve done nothing but love and support me unconditionally since we reconciled, both you and Claire have, being there when I needed you the most and that’s all I could ever need.”

Overwhelmed at a loss for words, Cornelius pulls Connor into a tight hug. He reaches his arm out and pulls Claire into the hug as well.

“Oh, my beautiful children, you two are everything to me. The two best things in my life, the two single things I am most proud. This is the family we were always meant to be and I know your mother is smiling down at us right now, thrilled to see how we’ve come together. I love you both more than anything in this world and I promise that nothing will ever break us apart.”

All near tears, he plants a kiss on each of their foreheads before they redirect their attention back to Dr. Grant’s grave. They all close their eyes as they silently say a prayer.

“I miss you, Dr. Grant.” Connor sniffles, opening his eyes. “But I promise that I’ll never forget you.”

He bends down to run his hand over Dr. Grant’s tombstone. “Say hi to my mom from all of us.”

“Come on, son,” Cornelius helps Connor up. “let’s go back to the house. The three of us can spend the rest of the day together honoring Dr. Grant.”

Cornelius puts one arm around Connor and the other around Claire as they head to the car. _So few things in life compare to family and today the Rhodes family is stronger than ever._

**Scene : Chicago Med, 1 P.M.**

Exiting one of the trauma rooms, Will walks towards the front desk where he finds April at the computer.

“Hey, April.”

“Hey, Will.” April looks up from the computer. “how’s your patient?”

“Good. Just a minor sprain, she’s resting now.” Will makes a notation on his iPad before closing it. “Have you seen Connor today by any chance?”

“Um, no, I haven’t.” April shakes her head. “Why?”

“Today's the one year anniversary of the shooting that killed Dr. Grant.”

“Oh, wow, right.” April’s eyes widen. “That must be why Maggie’s off today. And she never takes off.”

“Yes, it is. I spoke to her this morning. She’s fine, but it’s a difficult day so she didn’t want to be here.” Will explains. “I guess maybe Connor took the day off, too.”

“Probably, I got in early and haven’t seen him all day.” April responds. “You’re worried about him, aren’t you?”

“I am.” Will takes a deep breath. “This day, the shooting, it was very traumatic for Connor. He struggled to cope with it for a few months and I just want to make sure he’s doing okay today. Plus, it was the event that set us on the road to reconciliation last year after we broke up the first time.”

“Am I correct to assume that you two aren't in a place where you can text him on a day like this to express your concern?”

“You are.” Will sighs. “Everything between us is weird and awkward because of the way our relationship and it’s even more so now that’s he dating Mouse and I’m dating James. We’re simply exes who work together and are civil for the sake of being professional, it’s nothing beyond that so texting him isn’t really an option.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Will.” April clears her throat. “I can text him for you if you want.”

“No, I’m good.” Will taps his hand on the counter. “I’ll see you later. Thanks, April.”

Will starts to head back towards the break room to get a drink when he hears a voice call his name.

“Will.”

He turns around and sees John and Derek, Connor’s cousin, walking out of the waiting room.

“John, Derek.” Will meets them halfway in front of one of the trauma rooms. “If you’re looking for Connor, he’s not working today.”

“Yeah, we know.” John bites his lip. “We want to talk to you, if you have a minute.”

“Uh, yeah.” Will responds. “let’s go in here. This room is empty.”

He motions for them to follow them into the empty trauma room.

“So,” Will closes the curtain. “how can I help you guys?”

“We have something slightly awkward to ask you.” Derek takes a deep breath. “As you know, before John’s attack, we were looking to start a family and now all these months later that he’s fully recovered and done with physical therapy, we’re moving full speed ahead with adopting. We’re in the process of putting together our file with the adoption agency and we would like to ask if you would please consider writing us a letter of recommendation.”

“Wow, I…I don’t know what to say.” A surprised Will takes a step back. “I’m confused though, why would you ask someone you hate to do this for you?”

“Will,” John shakes his head. “we don’t hate you.”

“But I broke Connor’s heart. You made it clear last time you saw me that you were angry with me about that.”

“Right, angry,” Derek clarifies. “about seeing Connor so hurt. But we never hated you.”

“I guess I just assumed.” Will’s clears his throat. “You really trust me enough to write this recommendation for you?”

“We do.” John confirms. “Despite what happened with you and Connor, we’ve always liked you, Will, and we got to know each other very well when you were dating Connor. You know who we are as a couple, which is what we need, so we think you’re the perfect person.”

“Then it’d be my honor to help you guys get a baby because I think you’ll make wonderful parents.” Will smiles. “I’ll get it to you by the end of the week.”

They shake Will’s hand. “Thank you, we appreciate it.”

John walks out and Derek follows his husband, but quickly turns around. “Just so you know, Will, John and I had always considered you family so we weren’t just angry when you and Connor broke up. We were also upset knowing you’d never actually be family.”

Will simply nods as Derek walks out. _He always wanted to be a part of their family as well, but now he has a new life with James. Man, things sure have changed._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Please review.
> 
> 2.) If any of my readers are interested in learning more about the dog trainer (Brandon McMillan) and his television show that I mentioned in this chapter, please check out his website: http://www.canineminded.com/dog-training/.


	75. Saying Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Thanks to my beta rocknrollprincess131.
> 
> 2.) I encourage all of you to please check out my other Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

**Scene : Peterson Household, the next day (Tuesday), 10 A.M.**

Jeff, Natalie, Ethan, and Melissa are at Melissa’s house for breakfast with Melissa’s mother.

“Thank you for having us over, Mrs. Peterson.” Natalie says as she and Jeff help Jennifer set the dining room table. “Your home is lovely.”

“Thank you and it’s my pleasure, Natalie.” Jennifer replies with a smile. “It’s wonderful to meet some of my daughter’s friends, she talks a lot about you and Jeff.”

“I’m sorry we had to do breakfast,” Jeff adds. “Natalie and I are working late tonight, but we wanted to meet you.”

“Breakfast is actually my favorite meal of the day.” Jennifer chuckles. “I know most people prefer dinner, but I’ve always been a fan of breakfast.”

“Mom,” Melissa calls from the kitchen. “where’s the big coffee pot?”

“Isn’t it in the top cabinet?”

“No.” Melissa shouts. “Ethan just looked, it’s not there.”

Jennifer turns to Jeff and Natalie. “Excuse me.”

She walks into the kitchen.

Jeff wraps his arms around Natalie’s waist. “I missed you last night, I hated working so late and coming home to an empty apartment.”

“I missed you, too, honey.” Natalie relaxes into his arms. “My bed felt empty without you.”

“How was Owen when you dropped him off with Helen?”

“He was good.” Natalie turns around to face Jeff. “Helen was asking about you, she’s really taken to you.”

He kisses her. “I’m glad.”

“Crisis averted,” Melissa announces as she walks into the dining room. “we found the big coffee pot. Take a seat guys, we’re almost ready to eat.”

10 minutes later, Ethan, Melissa, Jeff, Natalie, and Jennifer are seated at the dining room. There is bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast.

“Everything’s delicious, Mrs, Peterson.” Jeff compliments her. “I can’t remember the last time I sat down to eat breakfast like this.”

“I can’t take all the credit, Melissa and Ethan helped,” Jennifer pours herself a glass of orange juice. “and please, call me Jennifer. Mrs. Peterson is much too formal. You too, Natalie.”

Jennifer turns to Ethan. “Ethan, can you do me favor and grab me a Sweet N’ Low out of the kitchen cabinet please?”

“Sure.”

“Such a great guy my daughter met.” Jennifer gushes as Ethan walks away. “Handsome, respectful, and sweet with such a big heart.” She puts her hand on Melissa’s wrist. “I’m probably embarrassing Melissa, but Ethan is the best guy she’s ever dated. I’ve never seen her this happy before.”

Melissa smiles. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Here you go.” Ethan announces as he walks back into the dining room and hands Jennifer the Sweet N’Low.

“Thank you.”

Ethan takes his seat and notices that everyone is looking at him. “What?”

“My mom was just talking you up.” Melissa informs her boyfriend. “I’m surprised your ears weren’t ringing.”

Jennifer chuckles as she adds the Sweet N’Low to her coffee. “I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” She turns her attention to Jeff and Natalie. “Anyway, how did you two meet?”

“We were actually friends a few years ago back when we were both married, but we lost touch. Jeff had gotten divorced and my husband was killed and then we reconnected about a year when Jeff became a medical student at the hospital.” Natalie explains as she takes a bite of her toast. “It was unexpected, but we fell in love and have been together for almost a year now.”

“Love is wonderful.” Jennifer cuts into her eggs. “I’m sorry about your husband, though. I think Melissa had mentioned that he was in the army, right?”

“Yes, he was. He was killed in action a little over two years ago. Melissa’s told me about your husband and your sons and I’m very sorry.”

“Thank you.” Jennifer takes a bite of her bacon. “And you have a son, right?”

“I do, his name’s Owen.” Natalie sips his coffee. “He’ll be two years in a few months.”

“Children are such blessings,” Jennifer looks at her daughter. “Melissa and my sons changed for the better. My sons may be gone, but they’re always in my heart. And I’m grateful everyday that I still have Melissa.”

Melissa smiles as her mom continues. “Now I’m just waiting for her and Ethan to give me some some grandchildren.”

Ethan practically spits out his coffee. “Mom!”

“What?” Jennifer shrugs. “It’s not like I’m getting any younger. I want to be around to watch my grandchildren grow up.”

Melissa shakes her head as she looks at a perplexed Ethan. “We are not having this conversation right now.”

“I understand.” Jennifer turns her attention to Jeff. “Do you want children, Jeff?”

“Mom!” Melissa shouts, slapping her mom’s wrist. “That is not appropriate to ask.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” Jeff laughs. “I do want children. I hope that one day when Natalie and I are ready, I’ll be able to adopt Owen and that we’ll also have a child of our own.”

Caught off guard, but in a good way, Natalie turns to Jeff smiling widely. “Do you mean that?”

“I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”

They kiss as Ethan, Melissa, and Jennifer look on.

“See,” Jennifer motions with her hand. “that’s what I’m waiting for from you two.”

Melissa rolls her eyes at her mother as Ethan reaches for her hand. “Don’t worry, I have a good feeling that Melissa and I will get there one day.”

Melissa feels her heart flutter as she squeezes Ethan’s hand. _She has the same good feeling._

**Scene : Chicago Med, 1 P.M.**

Stepping off the elevator on the second floor, Connor walks down the hall towards Susan’s room. Arriving, he finds the door closed and Will standing there.

“Hi, Will.” Connor politely greets him. “Is everything ok with Susan?”

“Hi, Connor.” Will puts his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, Susan’s fine. Diane called me here, she said Susan wanted to talk to me. Dr. Richardson’s in with them right now so I'm just waiting."

“Hm,” Connor purses his lips. “she called me here, too.”

Before either of them can say another word, the door opens and Dr. Richardson and Diane are standing in the doorway.

“Thank you, Dr. Richardson.” Diane notices Will and Connor. “Oh, good, you guys are here.”

“I’ll be back to check on Susan later.” Dr. Richardson closes his iPad. “Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Halstead, good to see you.”

Dr. Richardson walks off and Diane turns to Will and Connor.

“Please,” Diane steps aside. “come in.”

Entering the room with Diane behind them, they find Nicole sitting by Susan’s bedside. They’ve never met Nicole before so they are not aware of who she is.

“Will, Connor.” Susan sits up. “I’m glad you guys are here.” She motions to Nicole. “I’d like you to meet my sister, Nicole. Nicole, these are our good friends, Will and Connor.”

“Nice to meet you guys.” Nicole stands up and shakes their hands. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Diane and Susan. Thank you for being there for my sister and sister-in-law in my absence when they’ve needed you the most, I could never properly express my gratitude.”

Will and Connor share a confused look as they never heard Susan mention her sister before.

“It’s our pleasure.”

“Come on, Nicole,” Diane puts her arm around Nicole. “let’s go get something from the cafeteria and give the three of them some time alone.” She turns to her wife. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“I’m good, thanks, honey.”

“Nice to meet you again.” Nicole calls as she and Diane walk out of the room, closing the door behind them.

“Susan,” Will turns around. “is everything alright that you called us here?”

“Come,” Susan pats the empty space on her bed and motions for Will and Connor to join her on the bed. “sit, please.”

Taking a seat of each side of Susan’s bed, they look up at Susan who is near tears. “What’s going on, Susan?”

“It’s time that I say goodbye to you guys.”

“Goodbye?” Connor furrows his brows. “What do you mean goodbye? You still have a couple of days left.”

“Connor’s right.” Will insists, his heart beginning to race. “We’re going to be here until the very end.”

“You’re very sweet, but Dr. Richardson was just in here and he was saying that within the next two days, I’m going to really start feeling the symptoms of the cancer.” Susan explains, holding back her tears. “I don’t want you to see me like that.”

“Susan, we’re doctors,” Will tries to rationalize. “we’re fully aware of what the symptoms of cancer look like.”

“He’s right.” Connor adds, taking a breath as his pulse starts racing. “Anything that’s going to happen to you, we know how to deal with it.”

“I know you do, but I’ve already started experiencing some memory issues and difficulty moving my body. By Thursday, my body will have shut down and I will be hooked up to a machine.” Susan sniffles. “I don’t want you to remember me like that, I want you to remember me like this. Right now, sitting here in front of you, still functioning and capable of speaking and acting on my own. Not the me I’ll be in 2 or 3 days as I fade away.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Susan sadly replies. “You both lost your mothers, watched them suffer, and I don’t want you to watch me suffer me, too. I also don’t want either of you to have any memories of me at the end where I’m no longer recognizable. Diane, my sister, Ms. Goodwin, and Dr. Richardson will be here with me until the end and they’ve promised to keep you informed every step of the way. So please promise me that after you both walk out of here today, you won’t see me again until my funeral so your final memory of me will be this one where we say goodbye.”

Overcome by emotion, Will and Connor simply nod.

“Thank you.”

Will and Connor share a look, both feeling so helpless in this moment.

“Connor, Will,” Susan takes each of their hands. “if Diane and I had had children, I would have only hoped that they turned out exactly like you because you are two of the best people I have ever met. You’re kind, caring, warm, sweet, and loving, and despite having tough shells, you both have very big hearts. I know I’m old enough to be your mother, but I consider both of you my close friends, as I know Diane does. I love you both very much and within the last year, you became such important parts of my life, of mine and Diane’s life. I’m very grateful that we met because it’s been wonderful to have people to share our love with and people who have embraced us openly like we are family.”

She clears her throat and continues. “You met my sister and I know I never mentioned her before and that’s because she was never much of a sister. Nicole was unsupportive when I came out and made my relationship with Diane public 25 years ago so we stopped talking. It was your dad, Connor, who tracked her down for me and we reconciled. It’s funny how time changes things, I never realized how much I missed Nicole, but having her here in my final days means a lot. I’ve seen and experienced so many great things in my life and the thing I am most grateful for is Diane and the life we created together. When we had no one, when the world and our families were against us, we had each other and that was all we have needed. Our love transcended everything, she is my soul mate and the love of my life.”

Wiping away his tears, Will looks at Susan. “This is so unfair.”

Connor sobs. “We love you, please don’t go.”

“I love you guys, too.” Susan smiles sadly as she squeezes their hands. “But it is my time and even though it’s hard, I’ve accepted it. We can’t live forever and I had a more satisfying life I ever could have imagined with Diane by my side. Which is why when I’m gone, I ask that both of you please take care of and look after her. Nicole has a family back in San Francisco that she’ll return to, but Diane is going to be all alone again and she’s going to need you more than ever. She’s going to be sad and lost and I need to know that she’ll have the both of you.”

Connor and Will are both crying. “Absolutely.”

Susan wipes away a few tears that made their way down her cheek. “Throughout my life, I’ve been around a lot of couples and have seen love in various forms and I have to tell you that it breaks my heart knowing that your relationship ended. I saw firsthand how much in love you were, how committed you were to each other, and how happy you were together. Now I’m not exactly sure what happened between you guys, but I do know that true love never dies. No matter what. Diane and I had so many issues over the years, so many fights and whatnot that we thought we’d never come back from, but we did because our love was always the priority. Even when it was the bleakest. If dying has taught me anything it’s that there's no reason in the world to be separated from the people you love. Be it pain, anger, resentment, sadness, or whatever it is lingering between the two of you, none of it is a good excuse to be apart when you’re in love.”

“Susan…”

“I remember the Connor and Will that I met last year, nothing would have ever gotten them to give up on their relationship, their future, or their love.” Susan continues, trying to get her point across. “If one of you was lying where I am, would you be satisfied dying with how things are or would you give anything to go back to last year when nothing would’ve kept you apart?”

Both Will and Connor are silent, taking in Susan’s words.

“I’m not trying to pressure you, but I care about you too much to say goodbye without saying my peace about what, deep down, you both know you want.” Susan sighs. “But regardless of what happens next, please know that I love you both very much and I will miss you terribly. Thank you for making my life better by being a part of it.”

After a few more minutes of sitting together, Connor and Will hug Susan and tearfully exit her room.

They exit the room and find Connor’s dad waiting for them outside.

“Dad,” Connor sniffles, swallowing the lump in his throat. “we just said goodbye to Susan.”

“I know. I said goodbye to her earlier.” Cornelius sees the pain on Connor's face. “Come on, son, let’s take a walk.”

He puts arm around Connor as they take off down the hall. Will sighs, watching them walk away, and checks his watch. _Time to get back downstairs to work._

Five hours later, shift over and papers dropped off with Goodwin, Will is walking by the employee lounge on the second floor when he looks in and sees Connor sitting in there. Peeking in through the small window on the door, he sees the lounge is empty and that it’s just Connor so he opens the door.

Connor turns around upon hearing the door open. “Will, hi.”

“Hi, Connor.” Will responds as he closes the door behind him. “I saw you sitting in here and wanted to see if you were alright. I can go if you want though.”

“Do whatever you want.” Connor responds without turning to face Will. “Stay, go, it’s up to you.”

A timid Will enters the room. “I thought you finished your shift an hour ago.”

“Are you keeping tabs on me now?” Connor sarcastically asks. “Because last time I checked I’m not your boyfriend anymore.”

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Will takes a step back as he senses the tension coming from Connor. “Did I do something to piss you off?”

“Did you do something to piss me off?” An angry Connor stands up. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

“I’m…” Will stammers. “I’m very confused as to what’s happening right now.”

“Typical.” Connor scoffs. “You’re always oblivious to what’s going on around you, Will. That’s exactly why out relationship ended and why I got my heart broken.”

“Wait,” Will furrows his brow. “ _that’s_ what this is about? I thought we got past all this after we broke up.”

“Well, I must’ve missed the memo on that one.” Connor indignantly replies. “I know I played a role in our breakup, but I don’t remember ever getting over the fact that my fiancé, the love of my life, betrayed everything we had by choosing his son over me and destroying the relationship we worked so hard to build.”

“I’m sorry, Connor,” Will bites his lip. “I don’t know what else to say except I am so sorry. You were right to break up with me because you understood that I didn’t deserve you, and now I understand it, too. All I can hope is that Mouse treats you right, treats you better than I did.”

“He does.”

“Well, then that’s what matters.” Will explains. “That’s the point of moving on, finding someone like Mouse who is able to give you what I wasn’t.”

“What about James?” Connor challenges him. “Is he able to give you what I wasn’t?”

“There is nothing you weren’t able to give me.” Will looks down in shame. “James is simply who I’ve moved on with.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Connor flares his nostrils. “we both know that Logan is crazy about James. Everyone was talking about it at your brother’s wedding. Hell, I even saw it for myself. Logan hated me so James _is_ able to give you what I wasn’t able to.”

“I wasn’t lying.” Will tries to defend himself. “It’s great that Logan and James get along so well, but that’s not what our relationship or our love is based on. So when I said that there’s nothing you weren't able to give me, I meant that.”

“Really?” Connor crosses his arms. “So you think you and I would have made it with Logan hating me?”

“I don’t know.” Will shrugs. “Logan was adjusting to all the changes in his life, losing his mom and finding out I was his dad. I think he just needed more time to get used to everything.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we broke up because Logan certainly adjusted to James being in his life much faster than he did to having me in his life.”

“Do you think this is easy for me, Connor?” Will tilts his head, the pain evident in his voice. “I made the biggest mistake of my life by treating you how I did and pushing you away. I cost us everything, our relationship, our love, and our future. You stand there acting all self-righteous like you’re the only one who lost something, but you’re not.”

“You seem to be coping just fine.” Connor clicks his tongue. “You fell right back in love with James.”

“First of all, you know that James and I have a complicated history so it’s not that simple.” Will puts his hand up. “and second of all, I may be in love with James, but I will always care about you, Connor.”

“You know what the most frustrating part about all of this is, Will?” Connor raises his voice in agitation. “That despite everything, I still love you. And I can’t stop thinking about everything Susan was saying about us earlier.”

Will is very surprised to hear Connor say those words. “Is that where all of this is coming from? Our saying goodbye to Susan before?”

“Yes.” A defeated Connor nods, taking a seat on the couch. “Everything she said about us has been playing over and over in my head the last few hours. I can’t deny that I miss the people and the couple we were when she met us last year.”

Will sighs, inching closer to Connor. “Everything was different last year, our lives were less complicated.”

“You heard Susan, true love never dies.” Connor looks up at Will. “And what we had was definitely true love. I felt it and I know you did, too. How did we lose sight of that, what happened?”

“I don’t know, Connor.” Will apprehensively takes a seat next to Connor on the couch. “I guess life happened. Logan came into my life and I made mistakes. Mistakes we both paid for, mistakes that I regret terribly.”

“I hate to admit this, but what Susan was saying got me thinking and if I were dying, I wouldn’t be happy with the way things are between us. I would want you to know that I love you more than anyone in this world.” Connor plays with his fingers. “I know it probably doesn’t mean much, but my life has not been the same without you these last two and a half months.”

“Are you kidding?” Will scoots closer to Connor. “That means a lot.”

“It’s ridiculous that I’m about to say this because I’m with Mouse who’s a great guy and treats me so well, but I miss you like crazy.” Connor chuckles. “Saying it out loud sounds absurd, but it’s true. I miss everything about our life together. I miss the way you made me feel, because as wonderful as Mouse is, he’s not you. No one ever will be you.”

Will’s heart is racing fast as he grabs Connor’s hand. “It’s not ridiculous. I miss you, too, I just didn't think you felt the same way.”

“I’ve tried to fight it, to stop loving you and simply hate you for what you did to me, but it hasn’t worked because you’re a part of me, Will.” He turns and looks into Will’s eyes. “God, your beautiful eyes. I’ve missed looking into them.”

Will smiles as he brushes his hand against Connor’s cheek. “And your touch gives me chills.”

Both caught up in the moment, they interlock their fingers. “Your hand fits perfectly in mine, Connor. It always has.”

They both chuckle and and closing their eyes, they slowly lean in towards each other for a kiss. Will opens his eyes as their lips are about to touch, but rather than seeing Connor’s face, he sees James’ face. Snapping back to reality, he realizes what is happening and quickly moves away.

“No,” Will pulls his hand back and stands up. “I’m sorry, Connor. I can’t do this, this is wrong. I do miss you, but I can’t betray James. I’m sorry.”

Will exits the lounge in a hurry, leaving a confused Connor sitting there. _What the hell just happened?_

**Scene : Connor’s Apartment, two days later (Thursday), 9 P.M.**

Connor is sitting on the couch with his sister.

“And I don’t even know what happened, one minute I was jumping down Will’s throat for everything he did that led to our breakup, the next I was confessing that I still love him and we almost kissed.” Connor shakes his head. “It was very confusing, I'm still not entirely sure what happened.”

“Have you talked to Will about it?”

“No, I was off yesterday and he was off today so I haven’t even seen him.” Connor runs his hand through his hair. “I mean, this just made an already weird and awkward situation even worse.”

“Well, let me ask you,” Claire hesitates, but knows it’s best to just get to the point. “what do you think led to this happening? And did you mean what you said?”

“It was our very emotional goodbye to Susan and everything she said about me and Will, it got me thinking about us so I think that’s what led to this happening.” Connor takes a deep breath. “And even though I don’t want to admit it, I did mean what I said.”

“What about Mouse?”

“I care a lot about Mouse and my feelings for him are definitely real,” Connor sighs. “but now I don’t know what to do. How can I be with him if I'm still in love with Will?”

“Connor,” Claire takes her brother’s hand. “I think what you need to do is figure out what your encounter with Will meant. Decide if you’re actually ready to go back down that road with him or if it’s just that you still have feelings. Because if you decide you don’t want to be with him, you can’t let your lingering feelings keep you from being with Mouse. Although you will have to be honest with Mouse about your feelings for Will if that’s where things go.”

“You’re right.” Connor nods. “Thanks, Claire.”

“Of course.” Claire smiles. “How’s Susan, by the way?”

“Not good, unfortunately.” Connor sadly replies. “I spoke to Dr. Richardson before I left work and her body had shut down so she’s hooked up to a machine. It’s only a matter of time now.”

“What a shame.”

Their conversation is interrupted by Claire’s phone ringing. She walks into the kitchen and grabs her phone out of her bag to answer it.

“Hello? Hi, yes, ok. Mmhmm, I understand. Yes, I got it. Ok, we’ll see you soon. Bye.”

Claire disconnects the phone call and sighs deeply.

“Who was it, Claire?”

Taking a deep breath to compose herself, Claire turns around to face her brother.

“It was Dad.”

Connor notices the sad expression on his sister’s face. “Is something wrong?”

“Connor,” Claire rejoins him on the couch, trying to put this delicately. “I really hate to tell you this, but…Susan died 10 minutes ago.”

“What?!” Connor shouts, practically jumping off the couch, as his eyes well up with tears. “No! This can’t be!”

“I’m so sorry.” Claire puts her hand on his arm. “Dad just got the call from Dr. Richardson and he knew I was with you so he called me so I could tell you. Dad’s on his way, he should be here in a few minutes.”

Connor feels his body turning to jelly as tears start streaming down his face. “No! I can’t believe she’s gone!”

Claire pulls her brother into a hug and he cries hysterically on her shoulder.

A few minutes later, Cornelius arrives and after letting himself in, he joins his children on the couch and helps Claire in trying to comfort Connor.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, concurrently**

Will and James are snuggled up on the couch watching television.

“It’s nice to have a quiet night just the two of us watching television.” James tells Will. “Logan was exhausted from going to the park with Ashley and neither of us have work early in the morning so we can take advantage and can catch up on this season of _Once Upon a Time_."

“It is.” James puts his hand of top of Will’s. “But I also enjoy when Logan’s with us, it kinda feels like the three of us are a family sometimes.”

“Aw,” Will smiles at James’ comment. “that’s really sweet. I feel that way sometimes, too. And maybe one day we will be.”

James kisses Will. “I’d like that.”

_How could Will have almost betrayed what he has with James by kissing Connor? Good thing he realized what was happening before it was too late._

Will’s phone rings and reaches to the living room table to answer it.

“Hello? Ms. Goodwin, hi.” Will sits up. “Oh, no. Okay, yes. I understand. Well, thank you for calling me. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.”

Will disconnects the call, his entire body shaking.

“Babe,” James instantly recognizes that something is wrong. “what happened?”

“It’s Susan,” Will responds as a wave of emotions hit him and tears start building up in his eyes. “She…she died ten minutes.”

“Oh my, God, baby,” A sympathetic James takes his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t believe this,” Will blinks back tears as fresh ones keep pouring out. “she’s really gone.”

“Come here baby,” James pulls a now crying Will to his chest, holding him close. “I got you, Will. I love you and you will not go through this alone.”

“I love you, too, James.” Will manages to get out before the pain overtakes him and he starts crying uncontrollably against James’ chest.

**Scene : Chicago Med, Susan’s Hospital Room, concurrently**

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Susan was a very special person.” Dr. Richardson tells Diane and Nicole who are both in tears. “We’ll get her body prepped and sent to the funeral home.”

A devastated Diane and Nicole simply nod.

“If there’s anything either of us can do, please let us know.” Goodwin turns to Dr. Richardson. “I think we should give them some time alone.”

“Of course.”

Dr. Richardson and Goodwin both exit.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Diane sniffles as she turns to Nicole. “I know it meant a lot to Susan. It means a lot to me, too.”

“I wish she and I had more time instead of wasting all these years estranged.” Nicole holds back her tears. “My husband and kids will never get to meet her and she’ll never know how much I really loved her. Or that I love you, Diane. You’re my sister-in-law, my family, you were amazing to my sister, I’m very grateful, and I love you.”

Diane hugs her. “I love you too, Nicole.”

Unable to control themselves any longer, they both fall to floor hysterically crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	76. Paying Respects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) I encourage all of you to please check out my Pinterest boards as I think they are great ways to share with you guys my visualizations for the story:  
> a.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-characters/.  
> b.) https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.

** Scene ** **: City Church Chicago, One Week Later, Wednesday, April 19, 2017, 9 A.M.**

Following yesterday’s wake for Susan, today is the church service followed by her burial. It is medium-sized and modern with multiple aisles and about fifty pews situated in front of the platform with the pulpit at the front of the church. There are various statues of Catholic saints scattered throughout the church and lots of windows allowing a large amount of light in. Susan’s casket is situated at the front of the church.

In the first pew, Susan and Nicole are seated with Nicole’s husband and son and daughter. Seated in the second pew behind them are Will, James, Jay, and Erin. Behind them are Connor, Mouse, Claire, and Cornelius. Cornelius, Claire, Jay, and Erin all knew Susan so they came to pay their respects in addition to offering support for Will and Connor. Neither James nor Mouse knew Susan, but are there to support Will and Connor, respectively, because her death is difficult for both of them. Will and Jay’s aunt Kelly and uncle Shawn are watching Logan for the day. Scattered throughout the rest of the pews are Ms. Goodwin, Dr. Richardson, Natalie, Jeff, Ethan, Melissa, Maggie, April and other members of both the hospital staff and hospital board.

Everyone turns their attention the front as the priest walks up the pulpit.

“Good morning, everyone. I’m Father Paul.” Father Paul speaks into the microphone. “We have come here today for a number of a reasons. First and foremost, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to Susan Winters. Not only have Susan’s family gathered here today, but friends and other people who knew her have come here as well. Second, we are here today to show our love and support for Susan’s very precious family because not only have we sensed our own personal feelings of loss over her passing, but our hearts have been drawn toward Diane and Nicole, and will continue to be with them. Finally, we are here today to seek and to receive comfort. We would be less than honest if we said that our hearts have not ached over this situation, but we trust in God to give us the strength to help us cope with the loss. Before we proceed to the eulogy, I must say something. Many people in our society are under the assumption that God hates gay people, that being homosexual is a sin that prevents passage into Heaven, and that God doesn’t love gay people. My message may not leave this room, but I am here to say that all of you that is completely incorrect. God made each and every one of us exactly who we are, heterosexual and homosexual alike, and he loves us all equally. There is no sin in being gay and being gay in no way means you will not go to Heaven. People who interpret Christianity in this way must be reading a different Bible than I’ve been reading these last forty years because the Bible I’ve been reading does not say any of that.”

He clears his throat and continues. “I bring this up because as you all know, Susan was gay and proudly married to her partner, Diane. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both of them they are two of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Their love may have been not conformed the heteronormative stereotypes that once dominated society, but it was just as natural and real. No matter what people say, the conservative Christians who claim they are fighting to protect the ‘natural’ way, God does not want love in any form to prosecuted or repressed or for people to be hated for who they love. Love is the answer to fight any hate and what the world needs more of. Since I know them personally, I can attest to the fact that Susan and Diane epitomized what it meant to fight hatred with love. This is a world God created for all humans to share, regardless of gender, sexuality, race, or ethnicity, and there is absolutely religious justification for hate and bigotry because we are all the same.”

Everyone in the room starts clapping.

“My apologies for my little tirade.” Father Paul looks around as everyone stops clapping. “I would now like to invite Susan’s wife, Diane, up here to deliver the eulogy.”

Taking a deep breath, Diane collects herself and walks up to the pulpit.

“Hello everyone. Before I begin, I would like to thank all of you for being here and for the outpouring of love and support both myself and Susan’s sister, Nicole, have received this past week.” She opens up a piece of a paper. “Growing up, I knew that I was different. It was something that I felt inside, but could never explain. I spent a lot of my life trying to figure out exactly what it was, but it all made sense as soon as I laid eyes on Susan. She was the most beautiful, strong-willed, intelligent, and fearless woman I had ever met. And that when it all clicked, the feeling of being different I always had was because I liked women. But being gay 25 years ago was nothing like it is today. People were so close-minded, intolerant, judgmental, and incapable of understanding that love between two women, or two men, was just as natural as the love between a man and a woman. These people included our own families and our friends. When Susan and I started seeing each other, my parents wouldn’t tolerate it neither would Susan’s. Our friends also stopped speaking to us. I moved out of my parent’s house into my own place and eventually Susan moved in with me when things got really bad at home. Because not only were we were two women in a relationship, but we also were of different races and that just added to everyone’s rejection of us.”

She bites back her tears and continues. “However, we never let anything that was said or done keep us apart. Susan and I loved each other and despite what everyone around us thought, we knew that our love was not wrong. We blocked out all the noise, insulated ourselves from the rest of the world, moved somewhere that we were free to be ourselves, and were able to build a wonderful life together. We may not have had our families or the people we once considered friends, but Susan and I had each other and that was all we needed. We developed an unbreakable bond, we spent all of our free time together when weren’t working, and we became not only best friends, but also each other’s family. When it mattered most, though the good and bad, we turned to and leaned on each other. Of course we fought and had issues like every couple, but nothing ever came between us because our love was paramount. We got through the total abandonment from everyone in our lives so a stupid fight was not going to break us up. I consider myself to be extremely blessed because the 25 years I got to spent with Susan were the absolute best of my life. More than I ever could have imagined or hoped for. She had such a beautiful spirit, she was a kind, gentle soul, and she made me a better person. Susan is the love of my life, my soulmate, and she is forever a part of me. She lives on in my heart and even though I have a lifetime of memories to look back on, I will miss Susan every single day of my life.”

No longer able to hold it back, Diane starts sobbing softly and Nicole steps up to the pulpit to help Diane back to her seat.

Father Paul walks back to the pulpit. “God, the loss of Susan Winters is a weight and burden to her family and to all of us who mourn her. In this time of mourning we look to you give us strength, to help us heal, and ask that you please bring Susan into your presence forever. We hope that may we all be united one day in the love of your divine heart. Amen.”

“Amen.” Everyone responds.

“That concludes the service.” Father Paul announces. “Everyone, please remain seated as the we prepare to move to the cemetery. Once we are ready, we’ll let you all know so you can proceed to your cars and form a line behind the hearse and limos.”

** Scene ** **: Rhodes Household, 3 hours later**

Following Susan’s burial, Cornelius offered to open up his home to whatever mourners wanted to come back and be a part of the customary post-funeral gathering where food is served. Cornelius had food catered in from a local restaurant and everything is being paid for by the Chicago Med hospital board.

“Cornelius, it is so generous of you to open up your home like this.” Diane looks around. “Our small apartment could have never held all these people.”

“It’s my sincere pleasure, Diane.” Cornelius gives her a hug. “I love you and Susan and I also know how difficult it is to lose your wife so I’m so happy to take any pressure I can off your shoulders.”

“And you and the hospital paying for everything else as well,” Nicole adds. “it’s above and beyond anything I would ever expect.”

“Diane is a valued member of member of the hospital, we all love her and Susan, and we’re here to do anything we can for them.”

Nicole smiles. “I could never thank you enough, Mr. Rhodes, for tracking me down and allowing me to reconcile with my sister. We didn’t have much time, but it means the world to me that I was here able to be able here for Susan up to the very end and that we were able to put all that bad blood behind us. I never would’ve forgiven myself if she died with us at odds.”

“In the last year, I’ve learned a lot about the importance of family,” Cornelius looks towards his son and daughter. “so I’m honored that I was able to help you and Susan patch things up.”

In the dining room, Will, James, Jay, and Erin are standing around talking to some people from the hospital.

“How are you holding up, babe?” James asks his boyfriend. “You’ve been kinda quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, thanks.” Will quietly responds. “It’s just really difficult. I still can’t believe Susan’s gone.”

“I know,” James reaches for Will’s hand. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you, babe.”

Will kisses him. “Thanks, babe.”

“Will,” Jay calls as he walks towards his brother with Erin following behind. “do you want something to eat?”

“No, I’m not hungry, thanks.”

“Are you sure?” Erin asks, motioning to the food on her plate. “There’s some really good food.”

Will shakes his head. “I’m good. I’m gonna go take a walk actually.”

James watches Will walk away. “Do you think he’s gonna be okay?”

“He will, Will’s strong.” Jay tries to reassure James. “This just reminds him of when our mom died so I think it’s making it harder by bringing back all those memories. He just needs some space.”

“Well I’m definitely not going anywhere,” James turns around to face Jay and Erin. “I love him too much to let go through this alone.”

Erin looks at Jay. “I told you he was a keeper.”

“You were right. Will’s gonna need the three of us more than ever, but I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Jay motions to James. “Come on, we’ll introduce to you Diane.”

In the living room, Claire and Mouse are talking to Natalie and Jeff. Claire notices that Connor is sitting quietly on the couch so she taps Mouse on the shoulder and both of them join him on the couch.

“Hey,” Claire puts her arm around her brother. “you’re going to get through this, Connor. I know it’s hard, but you’re not alone. I’m here, dad's here, everyone from work is here.”

“And I’m here too, babe.” Mouse gently takes his boyfriend’s hand. “Even if you don’t want to talk, we can just sit together. Whatever you need.”

Connor looks down. “Thanks guys. It's just…I feel like there’s hole in my heart now that Susan’s gone. She became like family and it breaks my heart that she’s gone.”

Claire and Mouse share a look. “What can we do?”

“You guys are already doing it, thanks.” Connor sighs. “I’m just gonna go take a walk.”

As Connor walks out of the room, Claire and Mouse move closer to each other on the couch.

“I’m really worried about him, Claire,” Mouse tells her, worry evident in his voice. “I know I haven't been dating Connor very long or even known him that long, but he’s been nothing like himself this past week. He’s so withdrawn, just working and coming home. All Connor wants to do is sit on the couch or lay in bed and be sad and while I’m not glad he’s not shutting me out, I don’t know how to pull him out of this.”

“This is going to be tough, Mouse.” Claire sighs. “You’re trying, I’m trying, our dad’s trying, our cousins are trying, but Connor is going to be struggling for a while. I think he saw Susan as a sort of a mother figure so it’s bringing back a lot of feelings from when our mom committed suicide, which is making him reticent. But he needs us, all of us. Connor will pull through this, it’s just gonna take time.”

Mouse sadly nods, worried about his boyfriend.

Closing his jacket, Connor shuts the door and steps onto the front porch where he is surprised to find Will sitting on the steps.

“Hi, Will.”

“Connor,” Will turns around. “hi.”

“Mind if I join you?”

Will shrugs. “It’s your house.”

“The service was beautiful,” Connor takes a seat next to Will. “don’t you think?”

“Yeah, it was.”

“And I was really touched by Diane’s eulogy.” Connor continues, trying to get Will to look at him. “And everything the priest said about how homosexuality is not a sin in the eyes of religion or God.”

Will nods, looking down at the sidewalk.

Connor purses his lips. _He has to get Will to open up to him or at least look at him._ “I never got to bring you here when we were together, but I always wanted to show you where I grew up.”

“It’s big,” Will looks up. “bigger than where I grew up. But it was nice of your dad to host everyone here.”

Their eyes meet for a second and they both recognize the sadness in the other’s eyes.

Will stands up. “I should get back inside.”

“Wait, Will,” Connor stands up and grabs Will’s arm. “don't go. We need to talk.”

Ignoring the goosebumps Connor’s touch gave him, Will raises his eyebrows.

“Talk about what?”

“What happened between us last week.” Connor as a matter of fact replies. “We both know that it meant something.”

“No. you’re wrong. It didn’t mean anything.” Will insists as he shakes his head. “We’ve just been spending a lot of time together lately because of everything with Susan. What happened last week was simply a result of all the emotions surrounding her situation coming to the surface, that’s it.”

Connor bites his lip. “You know that’s not true.”

“It is true. We let ourselves get caught up in the moment and those emotions, but I came to my senses before we made a mistake.” Will firmly replies. “You’re with Mouse, I’m with James, and now we have to go back to the way things were. That’s all there is to it, there's nothing else to say.”

Without giving Connor a chance to respond, Will heads back inside. _Is Will right? Was what happened just a result of all the emotions surrounding Susan’s situation?_

**Scene : Chicago Med, 4 days later (Sunday), 1 P.M.**

Arriving outside Diane’s office, Will knocks on the door.

“Come in.”

Opening the door, he sees Connor is already in her office.

“Hi, Will.” Diane greets him. “Please, have a seat.”

Having not spoken to Connor since their conversation four days ago, Will silently takes a seat next to him.

“I’m so happy you both you are here.”

“Is everything alright, Diane?” Connor folds his hands together. “I thought you were taking some time off work.”

“I've actually called you both here because I have something to tell you.” Diane leans back in her desk chair. “I’m going to be moving to San Francisco to live near Nicole and her family.”

Connor and Will jerk forward in their seats. “What?!”

They share a confused look. “I don’t understand, when you decide this?”

“I know this is a shock, but it’s something I’ve been discussing with Nicole since Susan passed. They’re the only family I have left.”

“What about your job?”

“I’ve already spoken to Ms. Goodwin and your father, Connor, and they’ve both reached out to two hospitals in San Francisco that have open positions in Human Resources. I’m pretty much guaranteed either job thanks to their help, I just have to see which hospital is a better fit for me.”

Will takes a deep breath. “Are you sure about this? I mean, I know we’re not blood, but Connor and I love you and consider you to be family.”

“Will’s right.” Connor adds. “Blood or not, you’re family to us. We made a promise to Susan that we’d take care of and look after you, so don’t go and let us keep that promise.”

“You guys are really sweet and you have to know that I love both of you very much and consider you family as well.” Diane walks around from behind her desk. “However, Nicole, her husband, and their children are the only connections I have left to Susan and with her gone, I want to feel as close to Susan as possible. Plus, San Francisco is a very well-known gay friendly city that would allow me the opportunity to start fresh, make friends, and maybe even meet someone a few years down the line. Nicole’s husband is in real estate and found me a great apartment not too far from where they live. Considering how much time she and her sister spent estranged, I think my moving to live in the same city as them so we could be an actual family is exactly what Susan would want.”

“You’re right.”

“We’ll stay in touch, FaceTime, Skype, texting, phone calls,” Diane reads their sad expressions. “and you guys can come visit me and I’ll come visit you. This is not goodbye, just see you later.”

Connor and Will are both silent, emotional over the fact that Susan just died and that Diane is now moving.

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow?!” Connor's eyes widen. “Wow, that was fast.”

“I put this in motion a few days ago, I just didn’t want to say anything until it was official. But now that it’s official, I need to get to San Francisco to sign my lease.”

Will clears his throat. “If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate for a second to reach out to us.”

“I won’t, I promise.” Diane leans against her desk. “Do you guys wanna help me finish clearing out my office?”

“Sure.”

**Scene : Chicago Med, the next day (Monday), 6 P.M.**

Bag slung over his shoulder, Connor walks by the front desk.

“Goodnight, Maggie.”

“Connor,” Maggie waves him over. “I heard about Diane moving. Are you doing okay?”

He sighs. “It’s not easy to have her move so far after Susan just died, but Will and I said goodbye to her this morning before she left. Besides, Diane’s moving to San Francisco to be near Susan’s family and that's what Susan would what have wanted.”

“You’re certainly taking it better than Will,” Maggie remarks. “He was talking about needing to get away to clear his head after everything that’s happened. Then Goodwin came down before and said that Will’s starting a week vacation tomorrow.”

“Vacation?” Connor furrows his brow. “Did he say anything about where he was going?”

“Nope.”

Connor's mind starts racing. “I have to go, Maggie. I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Connor quickly exits the hospital and gets in his car, knowing exactly where he is headed.

**Scene : Will’s Apartment, 6:15 P.M.**

“Coming.” Will calls as he crosses through the kitchen to answer the door.

He is stunned when he opens the door and sees Connor standing there.

“Connor,” Will leans against the door. “what are you doing here?”

“Is Logan here?”

“No, he’s with Ashley at the park.”

“Can I come in, please?”

A confused Will cocks his head to the side, “Why?”

“Maggie told you’re taking a week’s vacation, that you were talking about getting away to clear your head,” Connor tries to explain. “and I was concerned.”

“No need to be concerned.” Will blocks the doorway with his body. “As you told me last week, I’m not your boyfriend anymore so you don’t have to keep tabs on me. What I do is no longer your business.”

“Why are you being like this, Will?”

“I’m not being like anything.” Will raises his voice. “We broke up, you have your life and I have mine. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

He starts to close the door, but Connor uses his foot kick it open and pushes his way into the apartment.

“What the hell, Connor?” Will slams the front door. “What are you doing?”

“No, the better question is what the hell are you doing?” Connor practically shouts as he walks over to the suitcase Will has packed in the living room. “Or maybe I should ask where the hell it is you’re going?”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Will grunts, crossing his arms over his chest. “but Logan and I are going to New York City with James for a few days. We’re leaving in the morning.”

“Will, no,” Connor’s tone softens. “you can’t go.”

“Can’t go?” Will scrunches his face. “It’s been a rough week with Susan dying and Diane moving, I need to get away. Plus, you can’t tell me what to do.”

“Please stay, with me,” Connor walks over to Will. “I love you, Will. Please don’t go.”

Will’s eyes practically bug out of his head. “I…you…what?”

“Susan’s death put everything into perspective for me, I realized that I can’t live with you.” Connor explains, inching closer to Will. “Everything that happened between us, I don’t care about any of it. Susan’s last words to us, Diane’s eulogy, it finally opened my eyes to the fact that I never should've let you go. I was angry, hurt, and upset, but instead of fighting, I gave up and walked away because it was easier. Life is so short, we both watched Susan get worse and then die, and all I’ve been thinking about this last week is that you’re my soulmate, Will. I want us to start over, to be together again. You don’t need to go to New York City with James, we can get through this pain over Susan’s death together.”

“I...we…” Will stammers, completely dumbfounded.

“Be honest, you were lying when you said that what happened when we almost kissed last week meant nothing.”

“You’re right,” Will relents. “it did mean something.”

“See,” Connor smiles. “I knew it. Our love is still alive, we just have to work at fixing things. And we can, I believe we can.”

Will looks down. “We can’t.”

“Of course we can.” Connor tries to rationalize. “We know what our issues are, we’ve taken time apart to breathe and gain new perspectives. We can approach everything with clear heads, focused on our love and rebuilding what we had. It won’t be pleasant to end things with James and Mouse, but it’ll be worth to be together again.”

“You’re not listening,” Will shakes his head. “I’m not ending things with James.”

Connor’s smiles fades. “What, why?”

“I love you, Connor, and a part of me always will.” Will sighs exasperatedly. “But I said that you were right to break up with me and I meant that. I don’t deserve you, I’m not worthy of someone as wonderful as you. I’ve ruined your life enough, I’ve caused you enough pain, and I can’t let that happen again. Despite whatever feelings have been ignited in me due to our recent encounters, I know you need to be with someone better than me.”

“Wait,” Connor puts his hand up, not believing his ears. “so let me straight, you broke my heart and even though I’m willing to forget all of that and start over, you won’t even try?”

“Yes.” Will takes a deep breath. “But I’m doing it for you, Connor. To protect you from getting hurt again.”

“I can take care of myself just fine!” Connor shouts, blood boiling. “I cannot believe this, I am such a fucking idiot! I come here fighting for us to be together again and you just shut me down, claiming you know what’s best for me when you haven’t the slightest clue. Do you what it's like to bear my heart and my soul to the guy who destroyed me and get rejected? I must need to get my head examined or something to actually consider giving a selfish son of a bitch like you another chance. You were right when you said we were never a good match, I don’t know how ever I thought otherwise. Wow, I’m so sorry I even came over here.”

Will starts to speak, but Connor stops him.

“You haven’t changed one bit, Will. You’re still the same asshole you were when we broke up two and a half months ago.” Connor spits out his words angrily. “I sincerely thought you’d changed, I thought I’d seen a different side of you recently. I thought maybe our breakup and being a father had made you a better person, but I was clearly wrong. You’ll never change and I was deluded to think otherwise. I’m somehow always the only fighting for us and our relationship, but that will no longer be because I am officially done as of the moment. You are a waste of my time and energy. You wanted to just be exes who get along for the sake of being professional so you get your wish now. Have fun in New York, I hope James knows what he’s in for.”

Before Will can say another word, Connor angrily storms out of the apartment.

Will strolls into the kitchen and takes a seat at the kitchen island, sighing deeply. _He really did make this decision for Connor, even if it doesn’t seem that way. It’s best Connor hates him for this than them getting back together and Will inevitably hurting him again. Will’s future lies with James, even if his heart is divided between him and Connor._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Please review.
> 
> 2.) .) Please check out the Miscellaneous Pinterest board to be introduced to Father Paul: https://www.pinterest.com/mv31591/cant-deny-these-feelings-miscellaneous/.


	77. Author's Note-Please Read

After what had been a very long and strenous year balancing school and work, the summer has started and I am sad to say that I am burned out in terms of writing. My creativity and inspiration isn't like it once and as I will continue working over the summer, I do not see that changing for a while. This story has come a very long way and I do not want to leave it unfinished due to lack of inspiration so I am officially looking for a co-writer to help me finish it. There's 4 main requirements that I am looking for: a native English speaker, someone who is very familiar with the story and the characters, someone who has the time to devote to being my co-writer, and someone who I constantly communicate with through e-mail.

The way this would work is that you and I would collaboratively to finish the story, sharing ideas, and you would be responsible for writing future chapters. These chapters would still be posted with me as the author here on A03, but I of course would give you all the credit within the chapter. However, I must stipulate that this is my story so I still have creative control so while we will be working together, I may edit your chapters, shoot down some of your ideas, and so on. This can be discussed at greater length when whoever is in has reached out to me.

I know I'm asking a lot, but I love this story and it deserves a proper ending so I hope someone will please help me. If you are interested, please leave a comment with your name and e-mail address and I will get in touch with you. Once I've done so, I will delete the comment so your info remains private. I look forward to hearing from you guys, thanks.


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